That's right! CD/DVD manufacturing quality standards in 2007 did what the onset of global pandemic couldn't: they delayed our second round to April. But through the miraculous powers of global ecommerce supply distribution lines, March Madness (un)officially returns with all of the action a twelve-year-old video game AI can muster today, Thursday April 2nd! And we can't wait to get back to it with you all! In our delay time, we've put in some work to deliver a bit more production to the games, especially from the Sweet Sixteen on. Look out for updates in the coming weeks, and be sure to get your friends in on the action! Whether it's a Zoom watch party, a Reddit game thread, or a Youtube chat box, you'll always have an excuse to blame the refs with your friends here.
Quick Links
Schedule (and full bracket)
Find the full Second Round schedule here! The Second Round will consist of four games per day (3 on Thursday) from 4/2 - 4/5. After that, we'll take a few days to get a head start on simulating the next games.
Unfortunately, since we normally run our bracket challenge through ESPN, we can't use it this year. Thankfully, user leprachaun77 has kindly put together a Challonge bracket here.
Some of today's players were six years old when College Hoops 2K8 came out. Are you using updated rosters for 2020?
Yep! We originally took rosters from Operation Sports, but they've been modified so much at this point that we've uploaded a new file here. We did our best to balance via updated stats where necessary. If you see an issue with your team during a stream, be sure to let us know - there's a lot of teams (68, to be exact) and we're happy to update as the tournament moves along!
How can I spread the word?
We want this to get to as many college basketball-deprived people as possible, so feel free to use #RedditMarchMadness on Twitter and to tell anyone who'd be interested!
Can I get a downloadable bracket?
Yes. Just go to File -> Download -> PDF Document in the bracket link above!
I think I can help with something for this tournament. Where should I send suggestions?
You can always message the moderators by clicking the button on the sidebar! If you'd like to DM us, our Twitter is here. Otherwise, we try to monitor game threads, our Discord, and the Youtube channel, so chances are we'll see something wherever you post.
Can I bet on these games?
We're running no official lines from our HQ, but DraftKings has joined us in the fight against boredom! Check out our post here for more info. DISCLAIMER: Those who are running this tournament are not participating in any betting on it and will not profit off it in any way.
The Sweet 16 will consist of four games per day today and tomorrow (4/9 and 4/10). After that, we'll go straight to the Elite 8 on Monday, April 13th. Then, we'll pause briefly to prep the Final Four and Championship games. Four days. Two rounds. Twelve games. Can you feel the madness?
Unfortunately, since we normally run our bracket challenge through ESPN, we can't use it this year. Thankfully, user leprachaun77 has kindly put together a Challonge bracket here.
Some of today's players were six years old when College Hoops 2K8 came out. Are you using updated rosters for 2020?
Yep! We originally took rosters from Operation Sports, but they've been modified so much at this point that we've uploaded a new file here. We did our best to balance via updated stats where necessary. If you see an issue with your team during a stream, be sure to let us know - there's a lot of teams (68, to be exact) and we're happy to update as the tournament moves along!
How can I spread the word?
We want this to get to as many college basketball-deprived people as possible, so feel free to use #RedditMarchMadness on Twitter and to tell anyone who'd be interested!
Can I get a downloadable bracket?
Yes. Just go to File -> Download -> PDF Document in the bracket link above!
Can I bet on these games?
We're running no official lines from our HQ, but DraftKings has joined us in the fight against boredom! Check out our post here for more info. DISCLAIMER: Those who are running this tournament are not participating in any betting on it and will not profit off it in any way.
Welcome to the Reddit March Madness FINAL FOUR WEEKEND
This Saturday, the virtual ball will be virtually tipped in virtual Atlanta.* And by day's end, we'll have our final two teams set for Monday night's championship game. Will you be there?
*the Alamo Dome, which is like the Georgia Dome, except it exists in 2K8
Unfortunately, since we normally run our bracket challenge through ESPN, we can't use it this year. Thankfully, user leprachaun77 has kindly put together a Challonge bracket here.
Some of today's players were six years old when College Hoops 2K8 came out. Are you using updated rosters for 2020?
Yep! We originally took rosters from Operation Sports, but they've been modified so much at this point that we've uploaded a new file here. We did our best to balance via updated stats where necessary. If you see an issue with your team during a stream, be sure to let us know - there's a lot of teams (68, to be exact) and we're happy to update as the tournament moves along!
How can I spread the word?
We want this to get to as many college basketball-deprived people as possible, so feel free to use #RedditMarchMadness on Twitter and to tell anyone who'd be interested!
Can I get a downloadable bracket?
Yes. Just go to File -> Download -> PDF Document in the bracket link above!
Can I bet on these games?
We're running no official lines from our HQ, but DraftKings has joined us in the fight against boredom! Check out our post here for more info. DISCLAIMER: Those who are running this tournament are not participating in any betting on it and will not profit off it in any way.
Robust Fantasy Database, March Madness Rights Make CBS Sports the Right Sports Betting Media Partner for William Hill
On February 10th, CBS Sports and William Hill announced a strategic partnership that will make the U.K. based bookmaker the “Official Sports Book and Wagering Data Provider across all CBS Sports platforms.” William Hill will also gain the exclusive rights to market sports betting products on CBS Sports’ digital channels in the deal. Initial integrations will be in place in time for next month’s NCAA men’s basketball tournament. The ‘full’ roll-out is expected to be completed by the start of 2020 NFL season. Howie Long-Short: William Hill has been looking to grow their brand in the U.S. for some time (co. currently has a significant presence in NJ and NV and retail books in MS, WV and IN), so aligning with CBS Sports - whose digital channels draw over 80 million unique visitors/mo. (2nd amongst U.S. sports properties behind only ESPN) - seemingly meets that objective. CBS also controls valuable live rights (see: March Madness, NFL) and as respected sports gambling consultant Sara Slane explained “exposure and integration on a broadcast channel - or channels in the case of March Madness - that everyone is consuming, is highly appealing.” From the CBS Sports perspective, there’s seemingly little downside in the deal. The company is guaranteed to take in some new revenue (for access to their audience and the sponsorship of digital assets) and William Hill has a large enough footprint - remember, the bookmaker has a market access agreement in place with Eldorado Resorts (which has since acquired Caesars) - that they could realistically realize the upside built into the partnership. Specific terms of the deal were not disclosed, but the New York Times reported the incentive laden agreement “is aimed at getting CBS Sports users to download the William Hill betting app and put money into their betting accounts.” Slane says the wording within the story indicates there is limited financial outlay on William Hill’s part. “Operators are being very thoughtful about how they’re investing money [with so few states having gone live with sports betting]; particularly, as it relates to media and digital. An affiliate deal for deposits would be a smart approach for a [gaming entity] who wants to see a direct ROI on their investment.” Sports betting operators see the current ‘land-grab’ environment and are aligning with media companies (see: MGM/Yahoo, TSG/FOX Sports, Barstool Sports/Penn National) in an attempt to cultivate new users. But it’s fair to ask - as Alun Bowden (Eilers & Krejcik Gaming) did - “why is [every gaming company] so keen to copy an expensive unproven model in a market where the price of failure is enormous and the potential for differentiation is massive?” It’s certainly hard to argue that the strategy, which varies across each of the partnerships referenced, works. DraftKings and FanDuel continue to dominate the U.S. market (i.e. not casino sportsbook operators + media companies) and Slane said that “while there were a couple of runs [made by gaming companies] at media partnerships in the U.K., Sky Betting&Gaming is the only one that has really been a success.” If there’s a case to be made that the CBS Sports-William Hill deal will buck the trend, it should be made on the back of CBS Sports' robust database of fantasy sports players. As we’ve seen with DraftKings and FanDuel - who have both successfully converted DFS players to sports bettors - “there’s ahuge overlapbetween fantasy gaming and sports betting.”Sports Handle EIC Brett Smiley estimated that “60% of those who participate in season-long fantasy and +/- 80% of those who play DFS have also placed a wager.” Fan Marino: NBC and Sinclair are the last of the major U.S. sports media rights holders without a gaming partner. It’s reasonable to believe that both will ink agreements sooner than later if only because there are no shortage of operators looking to grow their market share and cash in on the perceived sports betting gold rush (in fact, Slane believes a second wave is coming) and to pass on a gaming partnership would be leaving money on the table. While it could be argued that in a market where bettors are not used to line-shopping (think: people are used to betting with a bookie or a single off-shore book here in the U.S.) there is a strong first mover advantage, Smiley believes it’s “a long game and that over time people will become exposed to more apps and more options” (i.e. potential new entrants to the market haven’t missed the boat). As we’ve previously noted, in the U.K. the average sports bettor has accounts with four different books. Editor Note: Please note that joining our community (si.com/johnwallstreet) will entitle you to receive our free daily email newsletter.
FEB 25 - Free Predictions and NBA Trends and Betting Info
FEB 25 - Free Predictions and NBA Trends and Betting Info Patreon.com/MACSPICKS The MAC'S consensus groups span the nation, today our NCAAB Red Alert CBB Picks make up our card. TheRedAlertWagers.comNational Consensus groups have been tapping sources, vetting information, and we are getting ready forMarch Madness.
(FEB 25) MAC GOES 4-0 LAST NIGHT! - TONIGHT'S NCAAB MAJOR MOVE ALERT - Depaul +7 vs Xavier -7!
Red Alert Patreon Members now get The MAC'S personal wagers as a units per play system, betting the strongest information and games with odds that have very best optimal value/risk reward. The Mac will once again prove why they continuously acclaim him to be a National Treasure Tonight!
Premium Play & Top Rated Release earnings are up substantially, College Hoops Plays are more than impressive this year, and tonight's CBB Action is set to go our direction. The MAC has a full card today and he is getting the all the geetus with conviction, he did his homework and is keeping open lines of discourse between his consensus groups and other affiliated player syndicates across the country. There's a reason THE MAC has been dubbed THE PAYMASTER by bookmakers this college basketball season, picking games against the spread & sending a signal through the noise! TONIGHT OUR NCAAB MAJOR MOVE PLAY (FEB 25) - Depaul +7 vs Xavier -7 goes off at 7:00 EST - Xavier already has 10 losses - this may be a problem for the Musketeers as they attempt to catch the attention of the NCAA Tournament selection committee. Tonight's Big East action will be a important game for Xavier, but Depaul has been waiting to get vengeance after a 59-67 loss to Xavier a few weeks ago. The Depaul Blue Demons (14-13, 2-12 Big East) snuck by Georgetown with the x-factor being Charlie Moore, 20 points & 7 assists. Romeo Weems added 19 points. Paul Reed is coming off a double-double with 12 points and 10 rebounds + 3 assists, 3 steals and 3 blocks, and tonight he will be getting his 17th double-double! Tip off starts at 7:00 - MAC has the play at Patreon and on the Red Pass tonight - $25.00 Gets all MAC's Top Rated & Special Release Picks for 1 Month -$25.00 1 Month of all exclusive info CBB picks! Roland's been playing and fading these teams for years, knowing when to lay or take points with teams like the Seawolves, Gaels, River Hawks, & Governors has aggrandized THE MAC's reputation for his college hoops Hush Money Plays. This will be another game out of the public eye that will produce the quiet profits we expect. We pride our action by bringing the results that keep the people recommending THE MAC'S ATS COLLEGE BASKETBALL PICKS, making him one of the most venerable sources for expert college basketball predictions against the spread, and lionizing RedAlertWagers.com in and around sportsbooks and casinos! Tonight our Top Rated Exclusive Play Members will be getting in onMAC'S NCAAB MAJOR MOVE PLAYon the Depaul +7 vs Xavier -7 Big East conference show down plus all of tonight's Red Alert College Basketball Predictions. THE MAC HAS HIS RED ALERT PLAY -7:00 Kentucky -6 vs Texas A&M +6 Southeastern prime time game - A Big 10 UNIT play that holds the value we strive for when researching odds, trends and stats! College Basketball Season is how we make money, with dozens of games going off it's not easy for the average bettor to find a decent game to bet on, that's what RedAlertWagers.com is here for, we hit the angles and have the resources. Our Sports Consensus Groups are now focused on March Madness and we will be picking off NBA & NHL special release plays as we go! RedAlertWagers.com sports betting predictions are going the distance and there is no finish line!! The MAC is cocked, locked, & loaded as he has received what people call the industry standard of advice from national sports syndicates and consensus groups across the country MAC's RED ALERT CBB & NBA Picks are only available on Patreon.com and are included in the 1 Day Red Pass! CBB RED ALERT PLAY (FEB 25) - (7:00 Kentucky -6 vs Texas A&M +6) CBB RED ALERT PLAY (FEB 25) - (8:00 Drake +7 vs Loyola Chicago -7) NBA RED ALERT PLAY (FEB 25) - (10:05 New Orleans Pelicans +7.5 vs Los Angeles Lakers -7.5) CBB MAJOR MOVE ALERT (FEB 25) - (7:00 Depaul +7 vs Xavier -7) The MAC is attacking today's hoops games with a fury, as he rolls from sportsbook to sportsbook hunting down the very best odds, info, and payouts!Patreon Playsare up and we are moving units and building a March Madness war chest! As we start moving into March with some great teams making noise this season, the tournaments start opening up, pick'ems, bracket challenges, basketball pools, all the sponsors start looking for professional players to feature at their events and Vegas turns into a sharps dream, MAC will be ripping down every tournament that will grant his entry. The Red Alert Wagers team has been hitting the sources and making the phones bleed with long hours of networking - Red Alert Plays have been been on fire and make no mistake our Exclusive Releases are incendiary picks, the game is making units for members and proving why they dub the MAC the Paymaster - RedAlertWagers.com plays to win & MAC plays for keeps - For allRedAlertWagers.comspecial release NBA and College Basketball picks go toPatreon.com/MACSPICKSor try our1 Day Red Pass for $14.99 Top Rated Special Release Plays by Red Alert Wagers SS Consensus groups were impressive this Football Season, our NFL Major Move Alerts and Early Info Plays cracked bookies open and cleaned them out. College Hoops is cooking with gas, hitting over 69% on Top Rated Picks and imposing our will with unstoppable NCAAB HUSH MONEY PLAYS that are continuously breaking in house records this season. We don't go where the game is, we bring YOU where the money is! - $25 Gets 1 Month Special Release Action + All Red Alert Picks!
DAILY MAC ATTACK FREE PICKS
NCAAB MAC ATTACK PICK (FEB 25) - (La Salle +11)
NCAAB MAC ATTACK PICK (FEB 25) -(Wyoming +8.5)
NBA MAC ATTACK PLAY (FEB 25) -(Portland Trail Blazers +7.5)
*FREE DAILY FUN PLAY TEASER & PARLAY PICKS*\* FUN PLAY 2 TEAM MIX GAME PARLAY (FEB 25) - (NBA - Portland Trail Blazers +7.5 X CBB Wyoming +8.5) **EARLY INFO FREE RELEASES*\* EXCLUSIVE EASY MONEY HONDA CLASSIC PICK (FEB 27) - (Rickie Fowler +1200)EXCLUSIVE MMA EASY MONEY - UFC ON ESPN+27 (FEB 29) - (NORMA DUMONT +195)EXCLUSIVE MMA EASY MONEY - UFC ON ESPN+27 (FEB 29) - (TOM BREESE -120)
Your go-to place to talk about whatever you want. From the dumb shit aggies do on a near daily basis, to the latest whatever happening wherever. What ya got?
Welcome to the Final Four: A visitor's guide to Minneapolis
Hi Friends! Many of you will be joining in the Final Four festivities in the great city of Minneapolis! You'll be coming at the right time; After a historically cold and snowy winter, the city is thawing out and highs are projected in the mid-60s for Final Four weekend. Below I'll summarize some places to stay, things to do, and pro-tips for maximizing fun and minimizing lines/traffic.
Where to Stay
Hotels downtown are fully booked for the weekend, so if you haven't booked a place already, you may have to get creative if you are trying to stay relatively close to the action/stadium.
Hotels near Mall of America/the Airport are still somewhat available and would get you in close proximity to the Blue Line light rail, which can take you downtown for under $3 in ~30 mins. An Uber downtown from MoA would probably take ~25 mins without major traffic and cost about $20-30. In either case, I recommend getting downtown at least 2 hours before the games start to avoid congestion both on the road and in the light rail cars.
Hotels in downtown St. Paul are going fast but give you access to the Green Line, which goes from St. Paul to US Bank Stadium in about 45 minutes. An Uber will take ~30 mins without major traffic and cost around $20-30. Again, at least 2 hours before the games start for either option is your best bet at avoiding massive traffic or bone-squishing tightness on the light rail.
AirBnb may actually be your best bet for lodging if you still need to book and are not going to have a car at your disposal. Look in WhittieUptown, NE Minneapolis Arts District, or in South Minneapolis along 55 (Hiawatha Ave) for easy access to downtown and fun things to do within walking distance.
Hotels 45+ minute drive away are going to be your most economic option, but access to a car is going to be necessary unless you are planning to rack up $100+ in Ubers during your stay. Woodbury, Maple Grove, and Eden Prarie all have affordable options and are nice enough towns to stay if you don't mind being further away. Parking downtown may be tough and expensive to find, though - be warned.
Final 4 Friday - US Bank Stadium - Friday 4/5 10a-5:30p - Free to enter. A chance to watch open practices and the college all-star game.
Final 4 Fan Fest - Minneapolis Convention Center - Friday - Monday - $10 at the door, as low as $5 online. Doors open at 11a everyday except Sun (10a), and the event runs through 7p on Fri & Sat and 6p on Sun & Mon. A bunch of activities including sports games, celebrity signings, the trophy on display, and lots of activities for kids of all ages.
Tip-off Tailgate - Nicollet Mall (outdoor pedestrian-only street in downtown)- Friday - Monday. Times vary by day but events always start in early afternoon and end sometime in the evening. Interactive fan games, live interviews, live music, game coverage, and concert performances. This is also where the giant bracket is. There are some great bars off of/close to Nicollet as well like The Local (Irish), Britt's (UK), Barrio (Mexican), HopCat (American), Union (rooftop), Pourhouse (Sports Bar), Cowboy Jack's (Western), and The Saloon (LGBT).
March Madness Music Series - The Armory (awesome indoor music venue downtown) - Friday - Sunday 7p -11p. Free/low-cost concert series. Chainsmokers headline Friday, Jonas Brothers headline Saturday, and Katy Perry & Zedd headline Sunday. Register at the link to be notified when tickets go up for grabs.
The Games - US Bank Stadium - Sat 5p, Mon 8p. Obviously the games are the main event. Tickets can be found at Primesport, and also on Stubhub.
Other Fun Minneapolis Things
Surly Brewery - Take the free brewery tour (with free samples!) or enjoy the great lawn outside while sipping on Minneapolis' most famous craft beer. Their beer and food is amazing, and the space is super cool. Right next to U of Minnesota's campus, 3 blocks from TCF Bank Stadium. Accessible from Downtown via the Green Line.
Uptown - Uptown will be less jammed than Downtown, but has plenty of bars to watch the games or hang out on a rooftop. Adjacent to Uptown are two lakes (Bde Maka-ska and Lake of the Isles), for great walking/biking. The Midtown Greenway is also a great biking/running trail that runs through some cool spots in South Minneapolis like Uptown, Eat Street, Midtown, and Longfellow.
North Loop - Adjacent to Downtown and to the north of the Twin's stadium, this area has tons of trendy bars, restaurants, and breweries. Its not a far jaunt from the festivities at Nicollet Mall, so it'd be a nice pit stop either before or after stopping by the NCAA-coordinated events.
Riverfront/Stone Arch Bridge - Gold Medal park and the Riverfront/Mill District area is really pretty and walkable/bikeable. There are some great cafes and restaurants along the Riverwalk and across the iconic Stone Arch pedestrian bridge in St. Anthony. This is the north part of downtown and is just a few blocks walk to US Bank Stadium.
Northeast Minneapolis - A short walk across the Mississippi River from downtown, Northeast is a brewery-fans dream. 612, Sociable Cider, Bauhaus, Able, Indeed, 56, Fair State, Dangerous Man, Tattersall Distilling, Headflyer, and Broken Clock are just a few minutes biking distance from each other (rent the citybikes for $2 per half-hour) and are all unique brewery spaces in their own regard. There's also great walking in Northeast along the river, both in Boom Island Park and the St. Anthony Main area. Northeast has some great places to eat/drink like Hai-Hai, Brasa, Betty Danger's, Psycho Suzies, Young Joni, and more.
Dinkytown- University of Minnesota's party/bar district. Great if you're a college student (or a college student at heart). Plenty of cheap eats and fun bars across the Mississippi River east of Downtown. I'll let the U of M alums fill you in on all the great spots in the comments. As a transplant to the Twin Cities who never went to U of M, I won't try to pretend I know every great spot in Dinkytown - but there are dozens.
Mall of America- Accessible via the Blue line from downtown. The USA's largest mall features 4 roller coasters, an aquarium, and a bazillion stores - from Louis Vuitton to craft beef jerky outlets. Its perennially crowded, but a cool bucket-list item to check off.
Minneapolis Sculpture Garden/The Walker Art Museum- The iconic Spoon-and-Cherry resides here, just a few blocks west of Downtown. The museum is neat and the sculpture garden is free. Do it for the 'gram.
South Minneapolis- Looking for quiet, but still want fun stuff to do? South Minneapolis has a ton of historic and/or dive-y gems. Accessed via the Blue Line, you can take the Lake Street through Minnehaha Park stops to sight-see places like Minnehaha falls and eat Jucy Lucy's at Matt's Bar or the Blue Door Pub. This area is also a low-key great spot for drinks, with Lawless and Du Nord distilleries serving up crazy craft cocktails. The Howe, Northbound, Busters, the Cardinal, and Blue Door are all great places to get a beer or bite on a patio and away from the crowds.
Pro Tips
Parking- Avoid parking Downtown, but if you do, find a garage in the west side near the business district, don't try to park near the east side of town where the stadium is. The traffic is awful and there aren't many garages that way. You can walk or take the "skyways" to get to the other side of town in about 15-20 mins (all the buildings downtown are connected via 2nd-floor hallways/mallways called "the skyway" that are free to access and walk for the general public). If you're coming from far away, you might have better luck finding street parking near Lake/38th/46th Station and taking the Blue Line the final mile or two into downtown.
Set your Uber destination wisely- Don't set your Uber to arrive at US Bank Stadium, or you're going to have a bad time. I'd have it drop you off somewhere along Portland, Park, or 3rd Ave. Finnegan's Brewing is a 5-block walk to all three of the main activity centers: US Bank Stadium, the Convention Center, and Nicollet Mall. It's along Portland Ave, which always flows traffic through fairly quickly, so that's where I'll Uber to if I'm going downtown this weekend.
Arrive Downtown early- There's ton's of great places you can go for brunch downtown before the events start overlapping and traffic gets bad. Hell's Kitchen, Hen House, Ike's, Key's, and Kieran's all do great brunch. There's also about 7000 coffee shops downtown. In general, plan to arrive at least an hour before your event (2 hrs before game starts) because traffic can get bad fast.
Ask the locals - "Minnesota Nice" is real. People are very friendly here and are happy to give you directions or suggestions of what to do. Don't be afraid to ask the locals for help!
I'm sure I missed some things, but feel free to ask questions or suggest other things if I did miss something! Hope this helps those that are Minneapolis-bound this weekend. Enjoy your visit! :)
The Top 64 r/collegebasketball GIFs in a Tournament
This subreddit has seen hundreds of gifs over the past few years. I have decided to compile a list of the top 64 most upvoted GIFs on this subreddit of all time. Each of the top 64 GIFs was given a rank from 1 to 64, and a simple s-curve was used to pair them up (i.e. #1 plays #64, #2 plays #63, etc.) This is what a GIF “tournament” would look like. If people are interested, we could organize a tournament where we vote, otherwise, you can just put your final four in the comments or something. A few notes: -Using upvotes alone is admittedly not perfect for evaluating the most popular GIFs. GIFs posted in March likely got disproportionately more upvotes than ones posted earlier in the season simply because there are more people in the subreddit in March. Furthermore, the ten or so GIFs on this list that were posted in 2018 are at a disadvantage since there were fewer subscribers at the time. However, I think upvotes will suffice as a way to seed teams. -u/everymanawildcat, unsurprisingly, had by far the most GIFs on the list, with 20. Next were u/gcole416 and u/BluOmega, with 4 each.
Here is a list of all of the GIFs in a spreadsheet with more details about each one.
NOTE: KP refers to Ken Pomeroy of kenpom.com. The column "KP %" is Ken Pomeroy's probability of his projected winner winning straight up. "M %" is Massey's probability of the projected winner winning straight up. "JS" is Jeff Sagarin's projected winner and by how much. In the Covers.com preview links, projected scores are usually provided for the big name teams. All times are Eastern Standard Time (EST). Spreads are linked to thespread.com to show line movement and public percentages; the AWAY teams are in red and the HOME teams are in blue. The chart can be directly copied and pasted into an excel file and then sorted however you like. N means the game is on neutral court. - means the game is not on neurtral court. SH means the game is semi-home for the HOME team. MM means the NCAA tournament NT means the NIT tournament CT means the CIT tournament CB means the CBI tournamen
Hello cfb! It's bowl season!!! Here is my analysis of each bowl matchup if the teams' mascots/nicknames duked it out instead of the players. With so many abstract/fictional/nonsense team names, I'm going to use my best (or some other type of) judgement. Feel free to fight me over any of these. I'm going to use a solo version of the mascot where appropriate ("Wolf Pack" still get a bunch of wolves, etc)
Game 1 - New Mexico Bowl - Aggies vs Mean Green (Utah State vs North Texas)
"Aggies" was originally a shorthand for agriculturalists.
"Mean Green" originated from "Mean" Joe Greene (this is debated but whatever).
Winner: Mean Green. Our first bowl game goes to "Mean Green," with the legendary DT crushing an old frail farmer. Even if the Aggie was a young strapping buck, I'm still taking Mean Joe. Mean Joe pounds the farmer 49-14.
Game 2 - Cure Bowl - Green Wave vs Ragin' Cajuns (Tulane vs ULM-Lafayette)
"Green Wave" came from a song published in a newspaper. This came from the team being called the "Greenies" or "Greenbacks". I'll stick with the green wave of water seen in their logo.
"Ragin' Cajuns" is not a joke. I've spent a decent amount of time is south Louisiana and those boys are wild.
Winner: Ragin' Cajuns. I've seen a few bad storms hit the gulf coast, and those Cajuns always bounce back. They're resilient, and our lone Cajun spend the entire game bracing against the strong water. Eventually the storm subsides, and he walks into the endzone for the win.
Game 3 - Las Vegas Bowl - Bulldog vs Sun Devil (Fresno State vs Arizona State)
You know what a "Bulldog" is.
A "Sun Devil" is just that. A devil that lives in the sun. Fun fact- before becoming the "Sun Devils," ASU was also the "Bulldogs." And before that they were Arizona State "Normals"
Winner: Sun Devils. Devils are sneaky and can like... do magic and shit. The devil turn the bulldog into a field mouse and waves his pitchfork while the ball flies around the field. He gets a bit too cocky in the 2nd quarter and accidentally pops the ball on his pitchfork. He vanishes and times ticks out as the butterfly tries to repeated fly into the new ball and push it. It doesn't work. 35-0 Sun Devil.
Game 4 - Camellia Bowl - Eagles vs Eagles (Eastern Michigan vs Georgia Southern)
An "Eagle' is a bird.
An "Eagle" is still a bird.
Winner: Draw... They sit on opposite goal posts and stare at each other until the game is finally called so the refs can get some sleep.
Our
Game 5 - New Orleans Bowl - Mountaineers vs Blue Raiders (Appalachian State vs Middle Tennessee)
"Mountaineers" are the mountain people living in the mountains with guns and coonskin hats. They also live in the mountains and like mountain things.
"Blue Raiders" are... blue people who raid stuff? Idk. The name came from a coach and there isn't really any explanation.
Winner: Mountaineers. The mountain man gets the ball first and scores while the blue raider kind of just stumbles around. A couple minutes after the game started, the raider drops to the field dead. The mountaineer tries to resuscitate him to no avail. Unfortunately, no one noticed the reason the raider was blue was because he was choking. The mountaineer tries to help out and comfort people because he's a good guy, and he still wins 7-0.
Game 6 - Boca Raton Bowl - Huskies vs Blazers (Northern Illinois vs UAB)
It's a husky
"Blazers" in this case should probably mean a dragon, but i'm doing this post so I get to be pedantic.
Winner: Huskies. The husky seems a bit nervous before the game, thinking he's about to face a scary dragon. When the representatives are called to the field, the husky notices some guy toss a jacket on the field. The husky easily scores a few TDs before the game is over. 21-0 huskies.
Game 7 - Frisco Bowl - Bobcats vs Aztecs (Ohio vs San Diego State)
A mid-size wild cat
A fierce native warrior from present-day Mexico
Winner: In our first recreation of a traditional Roman gladiator match, we get a really exciting game. Bobcats are small, but they can burst out for 25-30 mph runs. It's tied at half 14-14. The Aztec is using the "kill your opponent" strategy, but finding the bobcat to be a bit elusive. Finally, in the 4th quarter, the bobcat scores to go down 34-35. While celebrating, the Aztec takes a cheap shot with his macuahuitl, injuring the cat. Unable to continue, the bobcat forfeits.
Game 8 - Gasparilla Bowl - Bulls vs Thundering Herd (South Florida vs Marshall)
It's a male bovine.
It's a lot of somethings.
Winner: Thundering Herd. A single bull vs. a herd of just about any animal would be a tough task. I'll stay true to Marshall's mascot and assume this is a herd of buffalo. The heard of buffalo easily distract and confuse the lone bull, dominating it 45-0 (don't ask how they got a field goal.)
Game 9 - Bahamas Bowl - Rockets vs Panthers (Toledo vs Florida International)
"Rockets" are big metal payloads that get expelled from something. We'll assume it's a large and deadly one. Cause why not.
Another type of wild cat
Winner: Panthers. In a stunning upset, the panther shocks the world! Rockets take quite a while to prep and launch, so the panther uses this time to score a couple touchdowns. Shortly into the 2nd quarter, the rocket finally takes off and everyone realizes what's about to happen. The panther and fans scramble to escape the stadium. Because I'm not mean, we'll let everyone live. The rocket crashes into the stadium and destroys everything, including itself. Unfortunately, that's not how you score in football. The game is over before halftime, the panther winning 14-0.
Game 10 - Potato Bowl - Cougars vs Broncos (BYU vs Western Michigan)
I feel like I don't need to explain most names, but I'm trying to keep a format
It's a wild horse in case you didn't know
Winner: Cougars. In our first single mammal vs single mammal matchup, and one of the most highly anticipated bowl games thus far, the fans were in for a treat. Cougars are fairly small compared to broncos, but neither are good handling the ball. There's a bunch of gnashing of teeth and kicking of hooves. Both teams fight to end, but the cougar finally pulls away toward the end, as the bronco wasn't trained for the endurance battle. Cougars wins 35-28.
Game 11 - Birmingham Bowl - Tigers vs Demon Deacons (Memphis vs Wake Forest)
Tiger
"Deacons" are leaders of churches, especially Baptists. Devils are basically the opposite. The name was the thoughtchild of a group of fraternity guys who wanted a "classy demon," so it's a classy demon.
Winner: Demon Deacons. Even though he's dressed as a holy man, it's still a demon. He teases the tiger for the majority game, but never lets it get close. He's still a gentleman though, so he's not as rude as the previous demons in our list. 24-7 final.
Game 12 - Armed Forces Bowl - Cougars vs Black Knights (Houston vs Army)
Still just a cougar
"Black Knights" are traditionally the dark and mysterious villains, but we'll leave the "villainous" part out since it's Army.
Winner: Black Knights. . This game ends much close than many expected. The black knight attempts to play fair, and it almost costs him. His heavy armour leads to the cougar having the advantage on speed. It's still pretty easy for him to carry the ball though and swing his sword to scare off the cougar as needed. The black knights plays the TOP game, and squeaks out the win 21-14.
Game 13 - Dollar General Bowl - Bulls vs Trojans (Buffalo vs Troy)
Oh look, another bull!
A condom. Also a roman warrior.
Winner: Trojan. For the most part, warriofighter type humans will typically beat animals, and, and this game is no exception. The trojan is viscous and brutal and slays the bull in the first quarter. Taking no chances, he runs up the score 77-0.
Game 14 - Hawaii Bowl - Rainbow Warriors vs Bulldogs (Hawaii vs Louisiana Tech)
Don't let the name fool you. Traditional Hawaiian warriors are scary and strong.
Why did I format it this way?
Winner: Hawaiian Warrior. I'm getting a bit drunk, and I'm not even halfway through. This game pretty much goes as expected. The rainbow warrior has a good heart and wouldn't kill a dog for no reason. He even lets the little puppy score a garbage time TD. 35-7.
Game 15 - First Responder Bowl - Broncos vs Eagles (Boise State vs Boston College)
K.
The Thunder lost :(
Winner: Eagles. In our first mammal vs. bird (dubbed the Battle of the Classes), we see some unique techniques. Although smaller, the eagle is much more agile and aggressive. It executes its plan masterfully as it taunts and out-maneuvers the bronco. It forces multiple turnovers zigging and zagging through the slower bronco's thick body, proving that birds > mammals. 27-7.
Game 16 - Quick Lane Bowl - Yellow Jackets vs Golden Gophers (Georgia Tech vs Minnesota)
A wasp. Seriously the worst
A slightly lighter version of a normal gopher
Winner: Gopher. The yellow jacket got off to a promising start, landing a couple stings on the gopher. The gopher realized it needed to better utilize its (under) ground attack better, and the ball wasn't seen again until there were 10 seconds left in the game. The gopher popped up from under the wasps's endzone and scored the game's only TD. 7-0.
Game 17 - Cheez-It Bowl - Horned Frogs vs Golden Bears (TCU vs California)
These weird frogs that squirt blood from their eyes.
Huge hairy beasts
Winner: Golden Bears. This one isn't even close. The frog's only defensive mechanism was no match at all the bear's superior strength. Ignoring the blood, it squashes the poor frog on the first play. The bear marches into the endzone, then moves toward the crowd. No one saw the end of the game, but it was 7-0 and the frog was dead, so... 7-0.
Game 18 - Independence Bowl - Owls vs Blue Devils (Temple vs Duke)
A new bird!
Another type of devil! However, Duke's mascot gets its name from the WW1 French battalion. It's still a devil though, so for consistency it's still just a devil. And this one isn't choking, it just decided to be blue.
Winner: Blue Devils. Wasting no time, the blue devil zaps the owl, turning it into a butterfly. A gust of wind blows the butterfly away from the stadium, and it spends the rest of the time trying to fly back to the field. The blue devil scores a single touchdown, then heads to the bleachers to hit on sorority girls. He's quite the devil ;) 7-0
Game 19 - Pinstripe Bowl - Hurricanes vs Badgers (Miami vs Wisconsin)
Tropical storm
A weird mammal that I loved as a kid because of Redwall
Winner: Hurricanes. Hurricanes are brutal and unforgiving. It demolishes the stadium at the very beginning, throwing the badger and fans in all directions. Fortunately it won the coin toss, so the ball crossing the goal line still counts. 7-0
Game 20 - Texas Bowl - Commodores vs Bears (Vanderbilt vs Baylor)
A high ranking naval officer
A big mammal
Winner: Bears. In a shocking upset, the bear wins this one. Unfortunately the commodore is pretty ineffective off his ship. Despite being in Houston, he couldn't find a way to bring the game to the sea. Despite the commodore's best attempts, the uncoordinated bear manages to win 28-21.
Game 21 - Music City Bowl - Tigers vs Boilermakers (Auburn vs Purdue)
I should really get a girlfriend
Dictionary.com defines "boilermaker" as "a person who makes boilers." (Is that the new intro to all graduation speeches? No one uses Websters anymore right?)
Winner: Tigers. In another rare upset of animal over human, the tiger showed why it's the king of the jungle (lions don't live in jungles. Idk who came up with that). Despite being smart and probably good at... building boilers... this is (a version of) football. The boilermaker has no weapons and hid on the bench the entire game. Tiger managed to nudge a few balls over the goal-line for a 21-0 win.
Game 22 - Camping World Bowl - Mountaineers vs Orange (West Virginia vs Syracuse)
Another mountaineer!
It's a color. But i'm going to use the fruit cause I can. It makes it easier. Yes I know I have Stanford coming up. I'll think of something.
Winner: Mountaineers. In probably the most boring game thus far, the mountaineer walks out to shake the opponents hand and decides to just eat it. This mountaineer wasn't quite as nice as the last one, and he decides to run up the score a bit. He's also a bit clumsier than the last one and somehow gives up a safety. 49-2.
Game 23 - Alamo Bowl - Coyotes vs Cyclones (Washington State vs Iowa State)
How are you guys doing tonight?
Basically a tornado.
Winner: Coyotes. This game plays out basically the exact same as the Hurricanes vs Badgers (minus some water.) Unfortunately for the cyclone, the coyote started with the ball. The cyclone scores the only goal on itself and loses 7-0.
Game 24 - Belk Bowl - Gamecocks vs Cavaliers (South Carolina vs Virginia)
Probably any bird that can be hunted I guess
A guy with a sword. I'm getting lazy. Okay fine, it's a supporter of King Charles I in the English Civil War. Thanks again Dictionary.com!
Winner: Cavaliers. The cavalier is pissed because he heard "football" and assumed it was soccer. He chases down the bird and slaughters. He builds a fire and starts roasting it while discussing with the refs the rules of the of the game. The refs try to just convince the cavalier to pick up the ball and walk into the endzone, but he's scared to use his hands. It takes 4 overtimes for the bird to be done cooking and for the cavalier to finally agree to pick the ball up. He still dribbles the ball into the endzone with his feet, and reaches down to touch it. The refs call the game, and the 10 fans that stayed for some grilled pheasant cheer. 7-0
Game 25 - Arizona Bowl - Red Wolves vs Wolf Pack (Arkansas State vs Nevada)
A small version of a normal wolf
A lot of wolves
Winner: Wolf Pack (but really everyone won this one). Wolves are super cool. The game starts and the wolf pack begins testing the red wolf. Even though he has no chance, the red wolf fights tooth and nail and the pack is impressed. At halftime, the pack invites the lone wolf to join its pack. He agrees and announces his mid-game transfer. With no opponent, the pack wins even though they were already winning 24-0.
Game 26 - Military Bowl - Wildcats vs Hokies (Cincinnati vs Virginia Tech)
First wildcat. I'm going to assume this one is a lynx because I feel they don't get enough credit. They're pretty awesome.
This came from some made-up student chant "Hoki Hoki Hoki Hy." Students really used to have a lot more power back then. I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I could go with a turkey but that doesn't fit the name. According to Urban Dictionary, a "Hokey" is a "VERY VERY loose vagina," but that doesn't work either. I'll go back to my original source, Dictionary.com. The closest to "Hokie" is "Hokey," which is makishly sentimental. That's what I'm using. (Also, I really like the hokey-pokey as a kid. I used to get in trouble though because I'd always "put my penis bone in, put in my penis bone out, put my penis bone in and shake it all about." Four-year-old me was awesome.)
Winner: Wildcats. There was a feeling of sick nostalgia (i'd imagine this is the same feeling I get when I smell Patron Citron?) in the stadium, but no one actually showed up for VT. The wildcat played with the ball a bit and managed to get a couple TDs. 14-0
Game 27 - Sun Bowl - Cardinal vs Panthers (Stanford vs Pittsburgh)
Okay whatever. I'll do a color.
Still a panther. Lets make him pink this time though. Sorry pitt :)
Winner: Panther. It's a color. Vegas didn't even accept bets on this game. The field was a deep shade of red, but for the second game in a row, the single player managed to "run unopposed." He was a bit better than the lynx though. 28-0.
Game 28 - Redbox Bowl - Ducks vs Spartans (Oregon vs Michigan State)
Quack Quack
A warrior from Sparta.
Winner: Spartans. Again, not even close. The spartan is focused and takes the game very seriously. The duck wanders around with no clue what's going on. Somewhere in the middle of the 3rd period, the duke accidentally got in the way of the spartan, who proceeded to slow-motion flip over the duck while slicing its beak off. Poor duck :(. Btw if you're actually reading this, pm me and I'll give you silver. Spartan wins 300-0.
Game 29 - Liberty Bowl - Tigers vs Cowboys (Missouri vs Oklahoma State)
I'm so ready for bowl season. Did you get your pick-ems in!?
A dude with a hat, a gun, a lasso, a leather vest, and a bunch of cows.
Winner: Cowboys. Thankfully for OSU, they sent their best sharp-shooter. The tiger tried running straight for the cowboy before the game even started. The cowboy got off a perfect shot right between the eyes, dropping the wild cat from 30 yards out. The cowboy had work to do, so he scored a single TD and left the field. 7-0
Game 30 - Holiday Bowl - Utes vs Wildcats (Utah vs Northwestern)
Everytime I hear "Utes" I think of My Cousin Vinnie. I know they're an actual native people from Utah, but this is my made up game so suck it!
Let's go with a leopard this time. There aren't any of those yet in FBS.
Winner: Wildcats. A young boy wanders onto the field and the Leopard smacks his lips. He makes a bee-line straight for the kid and ferociously devours the little kid, avenging his previously slain brethren. The fans are in shock, and the leopard scores a touchdown before getting chased out of the stadium by fans of both teams. The NCAA holds an emergency meeting about the future of the sport, but decide the games are more important. No one knew who the kid was anyway. 7-0 Wildcats. You're kind of mean Northwestern.
Game 31 - Gator Bowl - Aggies vs Wolf Pack (Texas A&M vs NC State)
Another famer
Another wolf pack
Winner: Wolf Pack. Leading the wolf packs to a 3-0 post-season record, the wolves make short work of the pitchfork-wielding farmer. Everyone already seems to have forgotten the previous week, and the wolves punch in a couple rushing tds. 14-0
Game 32 - Outback Bowl - Bulldogs vs Hawkeyes (Mississippi State vs Iowa)
So many bulldogs
Since hawkeyes aren't a real bird, I'm going with the archer from Marvel (I haven't seen any of the new movies but I think I get the gist).
Winner: Hawkeyes. He snipes the bulldog with ease and it's a super boring game. 21-0.
Game 33 - Citrus Bowl - Nittany Lions vs Wildcats (Penn State vs Kentucky)
Supposedly "Nittany Lion" was a mythical lion that roamed a mountain in Pennsylvania named after an Indian Princess named Nita-nee. It's still just a lion to me. And tbh it always looks like a female so I'm going to assume it's a lioness.
I just found out wildcats are an actual group of small cats. I thought it was "wild cats" like the whole group. I'm going to leave the lynx and leopard though.
Winner: Nittany Lions. The small basically housecat was super intimidated by the real wild cat. The Nittany Lion scored quick, and decided to take the full-grown wildcat back to her pride, thinking she was a baby "real lion." 7-0.
Game 34 - Peach Bowl - Gators vs Wolverines (Florida vs Michigan)
Short for alligators in case you were wondering
Already did one comic book hero, so this time I'll use the real animal. Wolverines are kinda weird. Basically small bear things but kinda like badgers and skunks and stuff.
Winner: Gators. Despite being a miniature bear, gators are insanely powerful. On the first drive, the gator popped the ball. It still wandered into the endzone and laid down in the sunny Georgia weather. The wolverines and the refs were too scared to retrieve the ball from the gator, and time expired. 7-0.
Game 35 - Orange Bowl - Crimson Tide vs Sooners (Alabama vs Oklahoma)
A real crimson tide is what happens when certain algae bloom in the water. There's some red water from the plants and stuff.
"Sooners" are the people who literally jumped the gun to lay claim to Oklahoma lands. Some call them cheater, but I call them opportunistic. They also come with their very own wagon.
Winner: Sooners. The sooner is completely unphased by a bit of red water, and proceeds to scored a few touchdowns before realizing this is a waste of time. He cuts out a little piece of sod and runs off the field. 21-0.
Game 36 - Cotton Bowl - Tigers vs Fighting Irish (Clemson vs Notre Dame)
Anyone got any cool plans for the holidays? Lets me know in the comments below. And if you like this channel, make sure you subscribe! (I make myself cringe)
"Fighting Irish" get their name from Irish immigrants who fought for the north in the Civil War.
Winner: Fighting Irish. In no surprise to anyone, the soldier with the gun manages to kill the cat early in the game. Most of these games are really just about the first 5 minutes. People just attend these events to see the initial bloodshed. 56-0.
Game 37 - Fiesta Bowl - Tigers vs Golden Knights (LSU vs UCF)
This has taken me a lot longer than I expected. I was laughing about the article saying there were too many bowl games, but maybe he was right.
Similar to the Black Knights, but the "Golden Knights" are a bit more show-offy.
Winner: Golden Knights. This game literally plays out the exact same as the Army game. Literally every play is identical, every drive is identical. The media and fans throw out a ton of conspiracy theories, but it eventually dies down to a weird historical fact. 21-14
Game 38 - Rose Bowl - Buckeyes vs Huskies (Ohio State vs Washington)
Lol. It's a tree, but typically refers to the nut that tree produces. Someone on the radio yesterday called them "peanuts with hoodies on."
Whew! Only a couple left!!!
Winner: Huskies. The husky doesn't even notice the lone little nut on the field. He plays with the ball for an hour. 21-0.
Game 39 - Sugar Bowl - Bulldogs vs Longhorns (Georgia vs Texas)
Why are bulldogs the one dog breed mascot? The next FBS team call themselves the "Pitbulls." They can be much more intimidating than a drooling lump of skin folds (also before anyone gets mad - I've had a few pitbulls. They can definitely be SUPER sweet dogs when trained properly.)
"Longhorns" are stinky slow gross cows with horns that people bred to be big because everyone in Texas is trying to overcompensate for something. (Another side note about my life. I used to live in Texas, and had a girl from another state say "oh i've heard everything is bigger in Texas" then she got really disappointed and I felt bad.)
Winner: Bulldogs. Because Tuck Fexas. Just kidding, I'm not that petty. They actually lost because the bulldog (despite being a terrible breed of dog), was much quicker and agile than the huge cow. It was able to force several take-aways and ran laps around the out-of-shape massive horny boi. 28-7.
Game 40 - CFB Championship - Sooners vs Fighting Irish (Oklahoma vs Notre Dame)
We already did this. Also fun fact, Oklahomans saved longhorns from extinction back in the day. It's true. Look it up. (Also wtf reddit auto-correct? It's saying "Oklahomans" is incorrect, so I tested a few other states. Whatever, guess I should start using "Oklahomies".
It's still an Irish WWI soldier.
Winner: Sooners. Our first and ONLY human vs human game. The sooner has a massive advantage with their wagon being a part of their identity. They're able to hide inside, and pop out for shots against the Irish soldier. Also, many soldiers in WWI were vastly under-trained, while the land-grabbers were survivalists and pioneers. Both men ignore the football, knowing the only way to win the game is knocking out their opponent. Both humans had agreed on no kill-shots, and the sooner manages to tag the arm of the Irish soldier in the arm in the 4th quarter. He waits until there's a few seconds left on the clock and walks the ball into the endzone. 7-0.
Summary
There really isn't any. It was fun and I definitely took some leisure in my interpretations of the team representatives, but if you actually read this, then thanks for the time. I really should get a girlfriend.
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