Don't pass bet - Opposite of the Pass Line bet 2020

My public confessions of the secret ugly truth of womanhood......
Several years ago after having three children, my OBGYN gave me no option but to have a hysterectomy. Several weeks ago, when I had to pee one day, I experienced the strange sensation of wiping my own bladder with toilet paper. I had no idea what the hell was really going on, but I knew enough to know I was wiping something I wasn’t suppose to. So I sat naked on the bathroom floor with a 5X magnified makeup mirror, and screamed out loud when I saw my bladder....and then, after having my bladder tacked to my esophagus with mesh and a sling this past Tuesday....I was hit...no......I was mind slaughtered, with a profound mental list of all the “never did I ever think I would experience or do this.....”. The more I laid in bed to recover, the more I pondered this list. The longer the list grew, the funnier it became. I’m going to absolutely destroy myself for one reason only...We women need to stick together at earlier time frames in our lives together. These little young things running around just like we did, and damn it was fun, need to know the sobering truth about aging as a woman. I am at the age where I value my girlfriends more than....well, we shan’t go there shan’t we? Point is...we need to warn them.
I was SUPER excited about getting a dose of Versed for my surgery on Tuesday. I legit wasn’t even remotely embarrassed when I clapped as the anesthesiologist introduced himself and stated what he was going to give me. It’s the best sleep you’ll ever have. And thank God they gave it to me. Bc I had no idea the knitty gritty details of this procedure until after I woke up and realized that I had been hoisted up with my ass in the air, head down, and my legs pulled apart in stirrups, in a 180 position. In laymen’s terms, that’s called a split. A SPLIT. Not even a side split. Full one. I now know what the hardcore SM porn stars feel like after a hard days work. They should get paid more.
Anyway.....back to the growing list of “never did I ever think I would ever do this before I married and had children”.....
Never ever did I think I would ever....Clean urine and pubes off toilet seats every single day of my life, and google better ways to scrub urine out of the grout around the toilet. It’s a huge open gaping beckoning hole right there in front of you. Why can’t they hit it? I even walked outside one day, in a fit of fury, in the privacy of my own back yard, and LITERALLY AND PHYSICALLY, “hooked it”, solely in a frustrated effort to privately prove to myself that I could pee standing up and hit a target right in front of me. I did. I hit it. Nailed it. Flawlessly. On the first try. Didn’t need no red or purple Skittles (cause the orange, yellow and green ones don’t work), no Cheerios, no Playboy magazines or an open window of Pornhub on the cell phone...not even a pat on ye ‘ol back. Somebody out there please make me a merit badge with gold rick rack on it.
Never did I ever think I would get to a point in my life where I had to accept the line I CLEARLY did not cross into a weird disgusting comfort zone where farts and sharts (yeah I said it, sharts) are no longer embarrassing for anyone else living in my home. There are no more excuse me’s. No more closing the doors when it’s quite obvious that our neighbors can hear it happening, no more efforts to fold a dirty pair of underwear to strategically try and hide a skid mark- nope, those truth telling brown lines stare proudly at the ceiling until I pick them up and clean them.
Never ever did I think I would get to the point where I would use SUPER EXTRA STRENGTH HULK tampons for the whole period....to be fair, it doesn’t happen to all women, but in my case......my periods became increasingly heavier to point that I questioned if I had passed a mouse in the toilet one morning. And then suddenly, as if a switch turned off, I was back in the game. No lead up, no trail off. Just BOOM YOU MIGHT HEMORRHAGE THIS TIME SO KEEP DILIGENT WATCH. It’s extremely disconcerting when you go from being able to use those tiny purple ones in the 3 size box, to owning and perfecting the ability to upkeep your smile and outward confidence as you experience the feeling of the largest tampon ever created in the the history of mankind seemlessly and effortlessly shoot out of you.
Oh- and never did I ever know that one day I would be aware that my labia would grow largelonger and change colors in unison with each passing year either. But guess what girls? Y’all out there taking crotch selfies....go with ya bad self- I’m not judging!! Hell, take them now, because when you get old, it all turns darker, flaps and claps, winds and knots itself uncomfortably around your g string (you’ll Ditch those too)....I do still layout naked at my pool bc my back yard is in the woods....but....all I’m saying is....if a strong gale of wind were to come through at the right time.....I could have a chance at flying. And no one ever told me that. Why not? Why in the hell not?
And while we are on the topic of naked selfies...go ahead and get some of your butthole and boobs too. Don’t use filters. I’ll be dead and gone, but one day you can visit my grave and leave a rock or a penny.....bc one day you’ll want to thank me. Why?
Never did I ever know ANYTHING. About post-pregnancy. I have given birth once naturally, and twice by c-section. During the last two births, I was on a very high risk list. For both pregnancies I was given a cerclage. A WHAT you ask? Oh dear sweet budding princess with the mid drift tank and high waisted jeans (that btw I BOSSED back in the 80’s....for real....SLASH, was on my wall...and he was my “go to guy...that makes me super tough and cool enough to write this, regardless if you have to google who he is), a cerclage is where they stick a huge needle, while you’re pregnant, directly into your spine to numb your body, but you’re awake the entire time....you watch and hear yourself get hoisted by the feet in the air like a hog, tied u in stirrups, and the use of a speculum to completely open up your longtime bestie VAGEENA, and then a surgeon uses a 5,600 inch needle and surgical thread to sew your cervix shut.....so you won’t go into labor. Again...to be fair.....this is rare so it probably will never happen to you. But other things will....
Like hearing yourself NASTY FART (the kind that in any other situation besides birth would make you want to take up another identity and immediately move to another state)in your doctors face, literally being able to watch his/her hair blow back from their face, and being able to smell it, but unable to stop it, curb it, or even say I’m sorry bc you’re in the middle of pushing out, or getting cut open like a deer being field dressed on a hill, a baby who is waaaaaaay bigger than that big silicone human fist you and your girlfriends laughed about in that dildo store that day.
Never in my entire life, did I ever hear about, learn, understand, or ponder the word HEMORRHOIDS. No one ever told me. Not one woman sat me down and tried to prepare me for them... for the intense life altering pain and suffering.....for what they look like.....it’s a for real nightmare worse than any horror movie. In fact, I may even be so bold as to say that I’d be willing to bet ALL the women who don’t get scared AT ALL during scary horror movies, are dealing with hemorrhoids. I’m also, because I’m feeling particularly saucy tonight, gonna throw another big girl word at you that flies out of freaking NOWHERE. Sound it out with me E-P-I-S-I-O-T-O-M-Y......great job!....that’s when the doctor takes a scalpel during labor, and cuts you, from vagina to butthole (sometimes....sometimes it’s just a small cut) if they think the baby is going to RIP your taint open in a jagged fashion. Either way, the healed results can sometimes, dare I say, vary? Back to the hemorrhoids. Never did I ever think, in my wildest dreams, after I gave birth to my beautiful baby, that my trusty butthole, Ol’ Faithful, would look like that hippie overpriced organic purple cauliflower that no one ever buys in the supermarket. And you know what? My solid faith in you as a young inexperienced precious young lady assures me that you’ve finally gotten to the point in this post where your are rolling your eyes and laughing and saying, this old lady is crazy and spinning a damn tale......dear sweet youthful female fox...I implore you to keep reading bc I’m not finished and I’m not exaggerating. There’s more. And the reason I’m telling you is bc YOU shop where the purple cauliflower pops up, but you’ve never bought it....bc eewwwww gross. You buy into all of what is cool, just like I did....
Moving along.
Never did I ever think I would one day be literally unable to bend forward enough to see my own butthole or vagina. Never ever did I think I would ever reach down with an anxiety filled heart into the hell pits of my own soul to summon the ability and sheer will JUST to be able to ignore the pain long enough to carefully and blindly probe my own butthole like I was Stevie Wonder reading Braille. And then, to make matters worse, the anesthesia from surgery, coupled with pain meds always create an incredible and noteworthy parting gift that settles in your lower colon, and it’s the size and density of a softball. And you cannot pass it. Depending on your age and movie knowledge, you may hear out of nowhere Gandalf whispering YOU SHALL NOT PASS. And, trust me, it won’t....until you drink the SECRET FORMULA that ALSO no one tells you about until you have to drink it. And then.......when it works, you have to invite a buddy to attend your coming out party. Choose your partner wisely my prideful sister. Because then.....
Never did I ever think I would ever lean on my best girlfriends, through blinding tears, to take pics of my butthole with their cell phones so i could actually see the state of things. And if this happens to you......when that flash lights up, and you must come to terms with the situation, and face the monstrosity of your new gatekeeper, your pride overrides everything and you finally break down and call the doctor who not only birthed your baby, but also whom you farted and pooped on during the whole process. That will pop into your mind several times throughout your life....for absolutely no reason. Anyway...huge point here....surround yourself with either good trustworthy women who will take ALL your skeletons to the grave. Women who have proven themselves time after time over decades that they are your ride or die. Women who get more angry than you do when someone angers you. BUT....and I say this with the utmost carefulness and quiet respect for the secret behind the scene strategies of all the female servants throughout history who have served the queens of successful countries....or, especially if really believe you ARE the queen.....if you don’t have that trusted girlfriend circle luxury, and you’re in a pinch, make sure it’s someone you know something really bad about. I know...I know...that’s so damn tacky. And horrid...I personally would never do that....but, every situation different, and sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures....so, because someone will have pics of your VAGEENA, whom you haven’t thought of at all until you finally see her dilapidated state in the pic, it’s smart to be wise and cautious. Vageena will be completely unrecognizable. Forgotten. Extremely hairy that defies any resemblance of growth patterns. Probably with gross evidence of cotton fuzz stuck in it from the elephant sized made in China maxi pads they give you in the hospital that will not stick to those androgynous marriage killing mesh underwear, or just plain old toilet paper dingle berries. VAGEENA will not resemble any crotch shot you’ve ever taken. There will be NO filter that can help you, unless it’s a vintage 70s throwback to Marilyn Chambers. She’ll just be sitting there, unapologetically open, covered in hair you never knew you had in you to grow, looking back at you in the mirror like a long forgotten disgusted fair weather friend who is now just a memory you really can’t afford to waste time on at the moment....BECAUSE.....
Never did I ever hear a damn thing about any of this.....but especially and specifically, I’d like to move on to something more important and worse......it’s about Lidocaine Anal Rockets.
I shit you not. LIDOCAINE ANAL ROCKET. In the WORD of Lizzo, this is not an “accessorary”. As fruitful as I am with my use of sarcasm, I did not make that name up. When the PA and attending nurse first used the term over the phone, I heard “anal rocket” and, after thoroughly and honestly analyzing it, I was probably just energized by hearing it....rocket just made me think, FINALÉ, like the light at the end of the tunnel...fireworks means freedom and I just, I guess, associated freedom with THIS is gonna fix my butthole and I will NO LONGER (I probably put up praise hands) feel like I am scooting like a dog with worms across a bed of hot ashes. Ok. I’ll give you a moment. But just so you know....that really was an understatement. It can be so much worse than that.
Never ever did I think I’d have to do this: I had to pick the anal rockets up at a specialty pharmacy 45 min away. They hand them over to you, packed for travel, frozen in a styrofoam cooler like you’re picking up some steamed shrimp packed for travel. And really, the only fun thing was, actually opening them and looking at them for the first time. I laughed. Out loud. By myself. BECAUSE. Never was I ever, throughout this entire ordeal, bequeathed with the knowledge, that these carefully crafted items of promised relief, were molded in the shape of butt plugs. They aren’t small either. These are seasoned porn star size. I’ve ALWAYS said NEVER to that door in my Narnia coat closet. I even had someone try to use Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb in an effort to persuade me. I quickly used a coy light reference of that meat grinder scene and nothing else had to be said. Also, I’m not judging you if you’ve partaken/to each his/her own.....but those memories quickly morphed from creepy to romantically reflective, when I found myself stuck in a painful situation where I was no longer afforded to right to decline or refuse to use it FOR ANYTHING. Pure lidocaine. Mixed, Poured and frozen In a butt plug mold the size of an orange street cone.....not really, but you know when you see a really big hill when you’re young and innocent, and then when you’re old and wise you see the same hill one day and you can step over it with ease? Yes.....I had to through this twice. And I’d like to add the most critically important statement right now.......I’d do it again and again. Let this post give you the strength and knowledge to be able to enjoy AND understand your womanhood and the joys of bringing life into this world. Our miraculous abilities and super human strength and resilience all come with great cost, that by all ethical and justifiable rights, should come with a full fledged in depth class that should end with at least a masters degree. Just my humble opinion.
Never have I ever, did I EVER think, I would go 8 weeks without feeling my entire ass. The whole ass. Messes you up. There were days were I would internally BEG and YEARN to feel PHANTOM ASS, like unfortunate victims who suffer from the loss/amputation of limbs and sometimes actually sometimes physically/psychologically feel what they have had removed. (I’m using this example in a very compassionate way, this is the ONLY way to describe this). Then I would feel guilty and count my blessings, basically and only bc I still at that time still really had an ass. (I eventually lost my ass, and unwillingly joined the global club of white women who have long ass but don’t know it, because no one has ever told them, and they insist on wearing a thong bathing suit on the beach....or the ones who do actually know it and sit their asses down in a crab chair only to get the WORST tan lines and hangovers......to be honest I’m friends with both parties, love them both.. but a white woman long ass is what it is. ANYHOO, while using the rockets, as I begin to accept my new body and life (it’s the gross bloated cocoon stage of what will become a dragonfly) I had to repeatedly check the clock, on a strict poop schedule, to see if it was time for me to sit and stare at my bathtub from my toilet until something happened. Sometimes it did. Sometimes it didn’t. But I’ll tell you one damn thing. I flat REFUSED to wash my panties when something sinister took place. Not one woman in my life ever told me these things might happen. Nevertheless, make it be publicly known, Never did I ever join the skid mark club. Nope. When that ship sailed, it was immediate pantie retirement, sealed in a plastic bag, double bagged, and buried deep outside in the trash can. I will though, out of the goodness in my heart, and the achingly desperate desire to arm young women with the power of knowledge, will NOW gift you a priceless super secret golden nugget of truth that not one single person in your entire life will ever give you.....it’s like the Holy Grail of self preservation, the celestial key to keeping and protecting your sanity (commit this to memory.....are you ready to receive?): Hemorrhoids have two sides. 2. Not one. I’m sparing you from truly believing you are pooping in your pants without feeling it. I’m saving you from the woeful shame of finding that in your panties knowing damn well you wiped the hell out of yourself. Ladies, if you still aren’t catching what I’m throwing, then I’ll sum it up. Wiping from front to back ain’t gonna cut it anymore. You gotta go the other way too....because Satan is behind thee, AND in front of thee. IF my husband knew what I spent on panties before I finally found the dark side of the moon....wait....what am I doing??? I’m old and wise now!!! I should have bossed up with my worth! I should have told him the truth and taken advantage of the opportunity to make him feel like he was “part of the solution”, so I could wear more expensive panties. See? He would have bought me expensive ones that were actually comfortable and made me feel prettier and sexier than I did.......instead of the Dollar Gentral 10 Pair In A Bag Come All The Way Up To The Arpits Barney Fife Lita Ford High Thigh Cut Make You Look Like You Have 3 Vaginas And Patterned/Fit For A Solid Zero Understandable Length Of Ass Crack panties I was throwing away. Are you beginning to catch what I’m throwing? Newly engaged married women need to know the power they possess!! It’s critical and crucial. Hear me. You may not stumble along my exact path......but you will stumble on something with no guidance.
Never did I ever even contemplate preparation for this one.....bc never did I ever even know what buttholes became after hemorrhoids, what they looked like “after the storm has settled” and everything slowly retreats with the ebb and flow of your hormones and sphincter, and time. Truth is, they all look and turn out different. Some are just gone, while some are not. The really MESSED UP THING NOBODY tells you, is that most women who get to experience the anticipation and relief/joy of the TOTAL disappearance of hemorrhoids over time, and then they get to shamelessly rejoice in the celebratory ritual of using their magnified mirror and husbands barbershop clippers to finally RE-MEET AND GREET Vageena....they are never prepared for the future. Part 2. The sequel. None of us really are prepared, except those of us whose hemorrodic friends never leave. But for the ones who enjoyed a renewed confidence ....I want to take my pointer finger right here and now and use it to dramatically press very hard on one of the off note black keys on a piano, and slowly move my head to make intense smoldering eye contact with you. Hear me now. Loud and clear. They’re not gone. It might be the morning after a wine and CHEESE party, it maybe the morning after a long road trip where you sat in the passenger seat for 8 hours, it might be the morning after you had passionate sex with someone who just a few hours ago saw EEEEERTHANG and is now wanting to see it up close again in the daylight...but you will be awakened with that familiar pain, and go silent for a minute to get your bearings. Your face will look like a Tarsier. Go ahead, google the image of a Tarsier. You will yet again try to channel the abilities of someone who is blind, and try to read your butthole like Braille....but you will fail, bc the fear and trauma will numb you at this point. You will psychologically feel that lidocaine butt plug...You will now have PTSD, and it will go one or two ways. You will either frantically look at it in the 5X magnified mirror and be attacked by the deceiving enlarged reflection showing you have a Polska sausage hanging down from your entire ass, or you will calmly use the other side of the mirror and become immediately aware that if you HAD TO PHONE A FRIEND, all you could say is that your butthole has grown its own clitoris, complete with what looks like maybe a pulled back hood. It’s a skin tag hemorrhoid that has hidden inside the picked skin folds....until now. And it hurts like hell. And then.....you’re going to start googling. No you don’t have ass cancer. No, genital warts don’t pop up overnight. No, Preparation H or essentials oils or Witch Hazel will not make that thing go away quickly. So you’ll google some more and quickly stumble on home remedy removals. You will then nervously stare at the dental floss in your bathroom. You will also look at the needle and thread in your craft section, and try to decide between wax or cotton......and then? After reading the horrors of having them surgically removed.......you will break down in a fit of embarrassing but angered frame of mind, and speed dial/call that girlfriend who still has those pics of your cauliflower on her iCloud...but this time, you have no shame and neither does she. And then any resemblance or pride and privacy in your most personal being will evaporate when you fall through that tunnel like Super Mario into the underground world in order to save your princess.
Never did I ever think about having a stomach virus after giving birth, for the first 3 days upon arrival at home. All I’m gonna say about this is.....whether you find yourself ill or not....DO NOT TRUST THAT PAD when you fart. Don’t believe me? Fine. You’ll see for yourself, but I’ve given you fair warning. You know that old saying “when the shit hits the.....”.....I’m taking the liberty to use it in a different way. Because it’s the only way to describe it with dignity and a slight sense of humor what will happen, and what you alone will have to clean up while your baby is hungry and crying at 3am.
Never did I ever think I would ever be able to smuggle a midget, or a brick of black tar heroin across the border....simply by using my c-section scar. It may not be politically correct to say this, but I’m pretty confident by now you probably understand I don’t give a crap. I really do call it my midget smuggler. No matter how much weight I lose, I’m traumatized by the fact that the only way I can lose this flap of skin that looks like an overbite above VAGEENA, is either join the ranks of woman who try to jump over cars and stacks of pallets in order to land in front of a dump truck tire so they can pick it up an run and yell like a Viking......or sign up for a tummy tuck. Nothing wrong with either one. Just not for me. That comes with a price though...NO MO cheap ass bathing suits from Walmart or Target.....oh no baby, you in the big league now. What? What was that you just said in your head? That you’ll always be skinny and that will never happen to you? Girl I said the same thing, for years!!! In my worse moments, when I’m feeling particularly sorry for myself, I admit I’ve drank a bottle of wine and worn my black spanx to bed, just so I can reap the fleeting but powerful benefits of lying to myself as I lay on my side and run my hand across my flat belly....it helps with the confident dreams. And I awake as thankful and peaceful and renewed as I imagine I would be if I woke up to a clean house.
Never did I ever think I would ever be able to say, that after 5,673 years of unbelievably wonderful memories of breast feeding, that I could probably make a crane with my titty from the instructions in an Origami book my son received for Christmas this year. Or the bound paper airplane tutorial on his floor in his bedroom, where all things exist. And, LOL, I’m feeling a tingle of naughtiness slip up here all the sudden so I’m going to ride it like a magic carpet......big facts.....it happens to women who don’t breast feed too!! Why did I stoop low just then? To be quite frank, I’m bitter about losing my boobs. I mean, I lost my ass too....but the boobs hit me hard. I’m tired of seeing those TABOO episodes and the weird crap on the internet where people are willingly dangling, suspended and hanging from hooks through their nipples, because it automatically spurs some weird terrible competitive mood in me.....I’m all like, ooooh okay....lemme put down this glass of wine bc I cannot outdo you in a heartbe........and then at some point I remind myself that I need to sit my ass down. And I do. But......I never ever thought in a million years that after a lifetime of youthful stand up D cups, I would be flipping through the B CUP section while my kindergartener who has recently learned how to read screams across the store, “Mommaaaaaaaaa! Do you like THONG? (Not plural. It just read thong).
I promise. I’m winding down. Life is fun. It’s Sad. It’s exciting it’s crazy. But that doesn’t mean we have to be unprepared for it. Now....I know, I’ve said a lot of things right now. I’m saving the worst for last. I ain’t even gonna lie. This is the pits that NO ONE prepares you for.
Never ever did I ever think, in my whole entire lifetime, that I would one day, in my 40s, be able to grow a full BLACK GOATEE AND ADJOING MUSTACHE. I have light brown very thin hair. Ok. Yeah. I’ve had a cpl I had to pluck over the years....Martha, Gertrude, Blanche........but they were lazy and inconsistent with their growth rate/patterns, and I could usually feel them before I could see them. Something bad happens to some women sometimes. It happened to me. It may not happen to you. I am the bearded lady you would pay to see. I’m the definition of the completely UNAWARE AUNTIE nobody cares enough about to demand she pluck that crap before she visits and tries to kiss all the children who are consciously making the private decision between kissing her and hiding in the neighbors dog house where they KNOW FOR SURE the dog will maul them. Anything to escape those whiskers. I am the Amish woman you confidently haggled with over the price of a bucket of strawberries....you couldn’t understand a word she said, but your ass paid her what she asked for as soon as you watched her slowly and methodically stroke/pull her beard from the roots to the end like every actor who has EVER played the character of Abraham Lincoln. And. You promptly turned your ass around and climbed back on that tour buggy when she didn’t hand you any change. I am the woman who went to an Asian owned nail salon to get a chin wax, only to be told by the owner after three completely unsuccessful wax strips, and she spoke in a VERY STRONG Vietnamese accent, “Aaaaahhhhh! Yo chin hair roooot took strong! I pluck!” I remember batting her away as she came in strong with those tweezers. I am the woman who got juuuuuust** a little too comfortable with shaving with a 5 blade razor in the steamy shower......so much that one day I shattered something deep within my husband when he opened the shower door to ask me where truck keys were. I was completely immersed in my upstroke ZEN, shaving against the growth bc I had important stuff to do that day and I could not have stubble. I could only open my right eye bc of the soap and lather all over my face.... but I saw enough. It was too much for him. He’s been through A LOT with me....bad periods, surgery, peeing myself, anxiety/panic attacks, stomach virus.......but this broke something in him. The only thing he could manage to say right before he slowly closed the door was, “How long have you been doing this?” His tone and demeanor would have been the same if he had walked in and caught me cheating on him red handed. Wouldn’t have been any difference. Then. for some unknown sadistic must be rooted in a sulphuric rock in the worst part of hell....it got worse. I was asked to “grow it out some” before I went in to the doctors for a complete hormone panel. Now mind you, I shave twice a day in order to keep it in the closet. I locked myself inside my home and grew it out for two solid days. When I tell you that I didn’t even NEED a damn SnapChat filter to make me look like was in FULL TRANSITION to be a male, I need you to believe me- not bc I’m telling this is absolutely going to happen to you-but bc I need the pity. I sat in my truck, turned it on as I sighed at my reflection, and began the 45 min journey to my doctors office. I was listening to Welcome to the Jungle by Guns and Roses and going 55 in a 50 zone. And out of nowhere, I saw blue lights behind me. Not even trying to be funny and kid right now......the very young patrolman stood up from his vehicle.....methodically HOISTED his pants up, way up, just like in a movie, more than they should be. Like honestly, I forgot I was legit being pulled over and allowed my imagination to run wild as he slowly approached my window with a very stern face. I asked him if I had a tail light out or something wrong with my vehicle and he replied with a know it all very assured voice, “Mam? Where are you going in such a hurry this morning?” I said, “uhmmmm, well, I’m going to a dr appointment but I checked my speed. 55 is not speeding!” He leaned closer to my window to get a really good look in (btw I love and support law enforcement but this was too theatrical to keep to myself) so I rolled the damn thing all the way down, stuck my chin out at him and said, “I’m going to get my hormones checked. I have more chin hair than you do!” I think the morning dew and sunlight made it glisten; saw the look on his face. It was the same as my husband’s had been when he caught me using his Barbasol and BIC 5 Fkexin’ it up in the steamy shower that day. It’s a comical but extremely potent mixture of horror....disgust...denial...loss of faith in humanity....stop drop roll run erase the board control alt delete empty history sing a Rick Astley song or Amazing Grace over and over again to make your brain forget the image. My facial hair is so bad, it got me out of a ticket. Never ever did anyone tell me HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH ON THE DAILY, just like me. I need y’all to step UP TO THE DAMN plate. You very well may have had the honor of being trusted enough to take a butthole pic of your friend, a pic that is powerful enough to bring down a small country if used in evil ways. But that was a one time job!!! When your girl is pumping gas and you see the wind move one of her chin hairs, or you’re impatiently waiting/watching her try to blend that makeup on her neckline, and you witness a rogue secret agent pop up from underneath her chin and decide to lay down in the light......you dont just urgently tell her, you make a scene by almost breaking her rearview or makeup mirror when you move it so she can see the hair! Then you pluck it out yourself. Make a scene. Drive it home. No man forgotten. None left behind. Do whatever you have to do make a big deal about it so she will be aware and proactive.....don’t let her go down like that. And then. for the rest of your natural born life, as long as you don’t have dementia- it is YOUR SACRED HONOR AND DUTY to make sure those hairs are taken care of.
So much more I can say, like, never did I ever think I’d have to draw my eyebrows on, or wear a baseball cap after giving birth bc the hair loss was so bad around my temples that I looked like I was suffering through chemo. Never was I ever told that I would grow really long hairs around my nipples that made me feel like a witch...I probably would have been torched in Salem.
Be a good...no....GREAT...NO BULLSHIT...honest...diligent and empowering girlfriend. Tell the young, the middle, the old. Be compassionate in your advice and wisdom! Threaten to beat someone’s ass for hurting her, even when you both know you won’t! We are the bringers and nurturers of life. We must help each other more than we do. ~ Ryan Welch Anderson

I’ve been extremely unlucky (and stupid)!

Both pills: explain why SMV should not be correlated with actual value as a human being.

edit: is there any medication which cures neurosis
I have been inspired by my friend, who's in an up and coming rock band and has just got a job as a med student after passing his MSc, to make this thread. I am inspired to thread by many things. All the women were swarming to Like his comment, especially because he said it so laid back. 'Buzzing' basically.
It reminded me that in this life, we are nothing except tools for others. How superficially attention and validation is earned, things that we strive to attain for years. Even creating this thread is negative-value attention seeking.
Giving value is important. See
https://www.reddit.com/seduction/comments/lfr7f/on_giving_value_why_youre_not_being_invited_out/
Although it does not bother me too much that my sperm has been rejected, and it's the general loneliness and 'she talked to him not me' which hurts me, for others being disqualified from the SMP by inferior genetics is internalised as a very personal blow. It is no wonder that women have evolved to be solipsistic and lack empathy so much to beta males, for their own self-awareness of the War Brides complex would result in a profound self-loathing as to their exploitation of mankind.
Male disposability is the only reason that we are on this planet, to build and create value for others (particularly women) to basically leech off, and therefore our only worth is what we give to other, I am not sure I am omega, and I do have friends and family despite incel status so am not total FA, placing myself on the lesser beta Nice Guy level (SMV3-4 maybe), but this is a hypothetical thought experiment I am undertaking in my current enlightened state.
It also follows from a short conversation my father and I had on benefits last night. The UK's current benefit statement is god awful. It allows a lot of dishonest people to sponge off the state, while honest vulnerable and needy people are unfairly penalised and sanctioned by the system in their stead. The centre left approach to this is: help the poor, help the needy! The centre right (my dad's) approach is: how the fuck do we fund them? More people off work, less people paying taxes, less money to fund the welfare state!
For some reason my mind wanders back to this question of 'value' from time to time…see
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2675975
Around the time I was procrastinating from finals and dwelling on my breakup (we were then in No Contact) I engaged in a discussion about how people reconcile with this knowledge that they are, every second of their lives, doing and saying things which creates fluctuating value, some of it negative e.g. in the event of flaws. People tried to explain to me why value is subjective, relative and 'flaws' can even be attractively quirky sometimes; I came to the conclusion that the non-neurotic who are mentally stable have to actively rationalise and repress away the presence of their flaws in that present moment, if not for their entire lifetime, so as to maintain their sanity. But I am in the enlightened state so I can see through the ego's defence mechanisms!

You seem to be misunderstanding the purpose of self-acceptance. We don't accept ourselves so that others will love us more or find us attractive. We accept ourselves because we deserve to be loved, regardless of what others think of us. That means looking at the things that make us imperfect and saying 'Yes, that's not perfect. I can make it better, but it's still me, and I am still ok.' Loving yourself is the best way to find happiness, because it's something that isn't influenced by the often superficial attitudes of others, and it's something we all need to learn to do.

It is narcissistic feels over realz to assume that one's value is subjective, so monitoring the value you have to others is imperative. I have seen many women get their jimmies rustled by female SMV, objectification and so forth, so I was wondering what happens when a man thinks really deeply about the significance of this. We could argue that even extremely physically unattractive women can still be valued asexually for their achievements and personality, but the SMV chart for men is much more complex than this. For men, therapy cannot overcome this reality, it can only delude you to it.

Does it matter if people are better than you at something? Life's about how you feel not who you are.

This struck me as yet another product of Western individualism gone full narc. Life is about my feeling good not my doing good? 200 years ago this would never have happened and I would not have lived this long. The mines would have killed me if not the workhouse

RIku,
With all due respect, your idea of perfect might be my idea of deeply flawed. You can't ever measure perfection ojectively. Someone will love your flaws and find them as endearing as your percieved strengths.
Example
I am horrendously un-coordinated I'm clumsy and always injuring myself.
Someone actually found that endearing and sweet despite me not appreciating it.
Flaws make us human and interesting and quirky. Someone perfect is someone boring in my opinion

This is illogical. Outliers aside, a few is generally negative SMV and by extension, detracting from one's overall value

If you go through life trying to change yourself for other people then you need a therapist.

Really? We have bred a narcissistic, entitled, self-victimising culture which views any threat to its ego as reason for therapy. Yes, I'm aware of my own hypocrisy; I am a product of such a culture.

Nope. People don't reject people based on traits. Dating isn't a trading card game based on values you compare against.

'Charge of Dehumanisation by SMV' is a very common buffer by bluepillers…

You are assuming that humans are logical in order to make these presumptions. If humans were logical we wouldn't need to do anything that isn't working, eating, sleeping, drinking, breathing and reproducing. The problem is that humans are illogical creatures, we get bored, we need to have different environments and we find risks to be enjoyable. Every single human on the face of the planet is flawed, without a doubt.
You might be one of these children that can paint or do maths at a level that nobody else can or you might be the oldest person alive with some of the most beautiful tales on the face of the planet. Yet the young people who do well will be lonely and not be able to have fun and resent themselves for that and the elderly will constantly fear the end of their days. If humans were logical, these flaws wouldn't exist because death would be seen as something that is just a logical end and being lonely is illogical and so can not exist. However humans are not logical and therefore the problems exist, since we know they're there logic dictates that we will begin to try and alter to fix the problem. However logically you can't create a friend no more than you can become younger. The only way to fix the problems is to accept that there is a problem you alone can not change and to move on.
This is the reason that humans have self acceptance, because if they didn't they would constantly become more and more upset and eventually would become so depressed they would terminate themselves, thereby breaking a humans instinct to survive. Well, this is my theory at least... A most interesting question however…

This guy gets what I'm talking about above &^{^{^}} a stable ego gives itself pretty little lies and bullshit to protect itself from collapse, which in the average human being could lead to an existential crisis, nervous breakdown or other thing poor for sexual strategy and general life functioning. I have never been able to fully articulate this in therapy etc.

But surely if you carry on living this way you'll never be happy, because you'll always feel you're not good enough

These teenagers obsessed with the pursuit of happiness…why? So up themselves

Riku, Seriously, WHY do you need other people to validate you as a person? Ask yourself that. I still really think you need to just stop caring about what others think of you and just enjoy life while it lasts.

and as mentioned, the alternative is Western solipsism

I partly agree
Showing your flaws doesn't mean you have accepted them totally, it's honesty, all people have flaws you should accept they are real and try to improve. I don't agree with insulting those who are overweight, take drugs, smoke etc it is their choice, but I do disagree with this idea that I should be forced to see their lives as good or how they look as beautiful, is ridiculous. Loads of people become offended whenever people make effort before claiming the best is whatever they are.

props to yoradicalone for this shout

How is it not subjective? It would be a really quite bizarre concept if perfection was objective.
I find it hard to see how someone who is completely self-obsessed is perfect?I don't really believe there is a perfect person but something closer to perfect for me would be someone who is far more altruistic and who has a humanitarian perspective on their life and actions. Physicality doesn't really come in to it for me.
I was lucky enough to be born with a pretty good physique and so would view the attempted attainment of physical perfection as a waste of time, of course I could look better physically but I prefer to spend my time with family and friends or reading and learning or volunteering and helping others.

Interesting BP perspective from a woman?

Big expectations ruin relationships, and hiding behind a mask is being afraid people judge you for what you are. Don't do it man.
We live in the fallout of the feminist new-age-males. The relationship model is frightening. You must be rich, handsome, perfectly proportioned, strong but gentle, rough but calm, sexually charged but tender, fit but not obsessed with fitness, loyal and gentlemanly but willing to stand up for your beliefs, smart but humble, alpha but fair, very attractive but down to Earth, funny, a great kisser, amazing in bed, well rounded and basically perfect. Oh and obedient to your partner.
Essentially you have to be a trophy male, an Atlas bearing every shred of responsibility for the relationship on your shoulders, and if any part of you is minutely flawed or doesn't measure to her expectations you can expect that your woman has the moral right to reject your ass and you had better not even feel slightly maltreated. It's her right to a perfect man.
It's also complete bull. Wake up bro, nobody's perfect. It's simple: don't date women with astronomical expectations and no sense of personal responsibility, because they don't actually live on planet Earth.

But Othelo, AWALT! Bio-truths! Hypergamy doesn't care!!!

except you never reach the rainbows and you are never happy, while the rest of us just dont put so much thought in and actually enjoy our lives. Your line of thinking is just going to you miserable, and no matter how successful or rich or attractive you become if you are miserable it is all in vain.

is this why RP puts Echart Tolle's The Power of Now on their Core reading list? Because again, it's very feels over realz.

[R] Interesting again as you describe who I was before anxiety kicked in as well as who the guy friend my ex seems to like is now ideals can differ considerably hmm
[OP] wait, so is your ex actually going out with this guy or isn't she? because you keep talking about the guy she is "with" but it actually sounds like that isn't the case.
And I would like to point out that your ex almost certainly left you because your paranoia and anxiety made being around you soul draining rather than because she knew another guy who is taller and more handsome. All girls know a guy taller and more handsome than their boyfriend, it generally doesn't result in them dumping them.

b-b-b-but Hypergamy!!!

BUt is unattractive, and between flawed and flawlessone will always be attracted to flawless :-S
But yes you can, if you committed yourself to a lifetime of clean foods, intense workouts, coming top of your class and competition every time in everything by studying and working night and day and reading everything there is to know about success and self improvement in every area of your life be it relationships, socialising, goal based art form or career then you coild effectively become the best person on the planet. Which is not perfect but is the 95% perfect.
Haha. Love it. No you can't.
Train as hard as you like, it won't make you happy.
You need to pursue happiness not perfection; the irony is that only the highly insecure (read: flawed through lack of confidence) do this. I used to and now I realise; being fitter, smarter, richer than others doesn't make me feel better.
Doing things I enjoy with people I like makes me feel better.
I am not advocating a lack of ambition or competitive spirit. I am highly competitive and ambitious; but if you don't accept who you are then you are simply afraid of rejection and are projecting your insecurities.
Nothing wrong with making yourself better, but be happy with the base state.

This is so fucking fucked up in my mind

And then you reach the end of your life and realise you've wasted so much time bettering yourself that you've missed out on all the things that make life worth living.
Our flaws, more so than our strengths, make us who we are.

What sort of pro-mediocrity can of BS is this?!

Riku, your issue is that you have this idea that a person should always be judged, always be ascribed a 'worth' for particular characteristics of their person. And you seem to measure your own worth against an idealized picture of what a male 'should be'. That's a problem, because what a male 'should be' is a fiction. If you generate an idea of what a male 'should be' then tell yourself society demands it from you - you live with unrealistic, and frankly unfounded and unnecessary, expectations on yourself.
Think of it this way.
If you look around you, how many women in your social circles do you admire or find attractive? Then ask yourself, how different are they against one another? For what reasons do you find them attractive? What about them, do you admire?
I can bet that you don't look at all these women with the same cynical eye that you view yourself. If they have a 'flaw', it probably isn't a big deal, it may not even be seen by you as a 'flaw', but simply a quirk. You seem to try to second guess society's ideals in order to find out what you are, but really, the issue is that you need to discover what you actually are, without attaching a fabricated 'score' to every trait of yours.
So what are you? Ask yourself that. Don't ask 'what score do I get for being this?' or 'I am level 45 on this but society wants me to be level 85'. Screw that. What do YOU want to be, for yourself? For your own happiness? For your own contentment.
It can be really hard to break this cycle of measuring everything you are against what you have been conditioned to believe you 'must be', but you've gotta break down that barrier cause as ironic as it sounds, being self-sure isn't ever about 'attaining perfection', or about having the stones to submit to all these fabricated essential human traits, it's about having the stones to not care to try. Once you realize there is no perfection, no all-winning formula that'll bring you everything you ever wanted and have women adoring you, that's when you'll feel great with yourself, you'll realize you don't need any of that crap, and everybody is in the same boat with it. And once you feel great about yourself, who cares about stupid perfection?

Othelo again…

You seem to be assuming that self-acceptance is incompatible with ambition, which I'm not sure is necessarily the case.

to which I say, 'to be ambitious, one must desire change, and to desire change one must be intrinsically uncomfortable and unaccepting of their present state'

You can't really measure someone like that. You might think someone is 90% perfect where as in my opinion they would 40% perfect. Everyone values different aspects of your personality. Some things could be flaws in your opinion but another person might not see it as a flaw at all.
Of course you should always try and improve and develop yourself, but you need to be able to love yourself the way you are as well.

Cnfusing

We all can't afford plastic surgery, be geniuses or be affable. That's why self acceptance is most logical. Why let things you can't change or have little motivation to change consume you. They is so much to life and to a person, than looks or wealth or brilliance. Whenever you have depressed thoughts, always think but this is just a moment in my life, a speck in time, my thoughts and breaths are a significant nothing in the vastness of the universe. They is nothing you are thinking or been through that millions of other humans, in lives now long gone and forgotten in time, have not felt and survived. If this life is so bad, hope the next one in 2.5 million years is a dream.

…but it's everything in the sexual marketplace, isn't it. Hypergamy doesn't care for flaws. Unless all you blue pill women can convince me of something your partner has/does which most would consider a flaw but arouses you?

I would find somebody like that hideously boring, you can't read yourself into having a personality, and also how would you able to sustain studying and work night and day, whilst maintaining socialising, your goal based art form, and the other things your suppose to be reading up on...you can't predict every outcome and experience to read up on prior to that. of course I always think you can strive to improve as many areas of your life as you can, but you should never obsess on reaching "perfection", as nobody else is perfect is either, so even if it was near obtainale, im sure it wouldnt be universally appreciated...or some other *******s im making up.

Yeh you can, alpha is as alpha does (I'm beta but others could do it)

People don't want to date androids, Riku. ( unless it's a weird fetish thing). How would you even determine how perfect a person is? . Finding a partner is not the same as shopping for a piece of furniture. You don't just replace the old one when as soon as a new shiny one is available.

ahaha yes you do it's called branch swinging...

Stop overanalysing everything and prioritise what makes you happy over what might make others happy. Stop obsessing over how others percieve you. You are extremely insecure and you need to work on that.
I am not just analysing, I am in a higher state of enlightenment If you're only happy when you're perfect, then you're never going to be happy. Absolute perfection is impossible. Besides, most people breath a huge sigh of relief when they see that someone is not perfect. Appearing perfect can make other people feel bad about themselves.

Women hate imperfection, that's why betas and everyone who isn't Chad is overlooked until the Party Years are over

You should always try to improve everything about yourself, but its not possible to always be improving all of the time. If you think happiness is about achieving perfection then you don't understand the concept of happiness at all. The definition of happiness is being content with what you have.

Contentment with what you 'have' is not contentment with what you are or do

[re: my ex] She may have "replaced" you but that doesn't mean she is going to replace the guy she's dating every time someone "better" comes along. She probably didn't even 'replace' you. It's perfectly normal to realise that you don't want to continue dating someone and break things off with them. She didn't think it was 'right with you so she broke up with you. Then she started dating another guy.Her decision to start dating another person has nothing to do with you. It's not about replacing YOU. She is probably dating this other guy because she spent some time with him and thought "he's a great guy" and not because she thought " he's approximately 30% better than Riku. It's time for an upgrade". She might have broken up with you because of the way you are though. It's very difficult to be tolerant of people who behave like you do ( I speak from experience).

still confused. His SMV was higher surely (by maybe 1.5 points, which is significant in college)

Attraction is a very subjective and often illogical thing.

nah m8 read the sidebar

Becoming obsessed with fixing your flaws is in itself a flaw. By that logic it's impossible to become completely flawless so why bother trying to fix flaws unless they're actually damaging your life?

Really don't get this

Another thing, flaws cannot necessarily be fixed. if a person is absent-minded, we can't change somebody's brain for them not to be. If somebody is very short, again we can't change his or her bones to be taller. If somebody is ugly, we can't change his or her face or body. I know, you'll say "depends why they're ugly", but my point stands.
And why do you care so much what society thinks or says? Most of what modern society thinks if you scratch the surface is *******s and meaningless. You seem insecure and looking to appeal to people too much.

lolwut? Neuroplsticity bro

What is perfect for you may be seen as a flaw to someone else. No one is 100% and that's what makes people so individual, it'd be a pretty boring life if you were 100% perfect would it not? You're just holding yourself to higher standards and you'll destroy yourself trying to create a perfect image of yourself. Even then, you won't be seen as 100% by someone else.

to not destroy yourself would require having to let go of the perception of others and not trying to calculate where they place your market value. So for example, if I walk into a room, I could meet 2 people who are SMV 3 when I am SMV 5 but another who's SMV 6, the SMV 3s will look up to me but the SMV 6 will look down. I need to calibrate all of these perceptions which requires self awareness of social dynamics }

Having no friends is a choice of yourself. If you want friends then you can go out and you can make friends. It's not that hard, and if for some reason you can't make any in one place, try another and another until you get some. There is nothing to fear about being flawed, nothing is perfect even the Vulcans you mentioned are flawed because they feel no emotion, even Spock is flawed for being a mortal. Enjoy your flaws they're what make you you.

There is everything to fear about being flawed!

I don't agree with the concept of people having "flaws". I think that flaws occur when you have one universal idea of perfection that everyone strives to be. In that case you will have some people closer to the generalised concept of perfection than others which evokes the idea of flaws in those who lesser achieve perfection. However, this argument doesn't necessarily apply to us. Because, we are all different, in physical and mental traits. The idea of being a perfect human being is irrational seeming as perfection is different in almost everyone's eyes. What someone may see as perfect may be the complete opposite for someone else. This is just my view on things, what do you guys think?

Infinite subjectivity? is this not hamstering, why the SMV model and HB scale then.

Nobody's perfect, even those types of people who you think are perfect have flaws. You should focus on trying to be the person you want to be personally, not trying to achieve some sort perfection that isn't possible and doesn't exist. Accepting yourself for who you are, knowing you have qualities but also flaws is one best ways to be confident about yourself and just generally happy. Obsessing over being perfect is only going to cause yourself problems.

Again illogical, one needs to keep constantly self aware of their value traits in order to improve
The thread wavered out after this. My point is, I don't understand people and their concepts about subjectivity and no hard set of rules, especially not in the SMP.

[Table] IAmA Casino Pit Boss with years of experience in Table Games and Casino Ops and would love to answer questions you may have about the business!

[Table] I AMA Card Dealer on the Las Vegas Strip. Let's talk Vegas.

Questions	Answers
Have you ever seen anyone win or lose a life-changing amount of money? If so, how did it go down?	I saw a guy lose $1,000,000 once, I actually was dealing when he lost about $200,000 of that in about 15 minutes. It made me sick, but he didn't seem to mind much. Later he attempted to sue the casino because "clearly his drinks were spiked," but he later recanted that.
Also, what's the best way to score some comps?	How to get comps: Play for a long time and/or have a strong average bet. Buying in for large amounts and then not playing won't get you comps. Alternatively, be a fun person and the supervisor will probably hook you up because we appreciate the fun (not drunk) people.
What if you are fun and drunk??	Those two words likely don't go together. Trust me, we deal with SO many people every night that if you're drunk we are probably throwing you in with the others no matter what.
I've always wondered about counting cards. People get thrown out for doing it, but it's something that happens entirely in an individual's mind. Surely this is not cheating, and although the casino stands to lose out, they have no right to throw somebody out for doing this. So my question is: Has anyone been caught counting cards at your casino? Were they thrown out? Were they allowed back? What were they told?	Counting cards is not cheating at all. You're not doing anything but keeping a running total in your head and basing your play off of that. That being said, casinos are private businesses and can refuse service to anyone for any reason. Yes, people have been caught counting cards. The majority of them aren't that good at it, to be honest, and so we let them think they're getting one over on us (and still lose.) If someone wins "too much" or does too well, they will be approached by senior management and told that they can still play but can no longer play blackjack.
Are there any common tells that you look for when you suspect someone of card counting?	Generally I'm looking to see if they deviate from a reasonable basic strategy and have an abnormal success rate on hands where they make questionable plays. At that point I'll run a count as they play and see if they are changing their strategy and/or betting patterns when the count is in their favor.
Are they aloud to keep their winnings?	Yes, they get to keep what they've won. They just can't play anymore after that.
What does a player have to play for you to approach them an offer comps? Does that even happen anymore? I usually don't bet that much, is there any chance of me getting some freebies from the pit boss?	Honestly these days it's all computerized. Your play (on your players card) determines the comps you get. If it's your first time or your birthday (or you've played and/or lost a lot) you'll get more than you "should."
How can the computer determine your average bet etc.? Like, the computer will know how much you initially put down, but how would it know if you're actually playing each hand?	Some casinos (ours included) don't use the electronic betting recognition sofware. If you don't see the dealer pressing a little button before each hand, here's my advice - bet big right at the beginning. A lot of supervisors will put in your average bet when you first sit down and they swipe your players card and then won't adjust your average bet unless you made big changes throughout playing.
Who's your favorite person in the entire world?	My favorite person in the world is my lovely girlfriend, who asked me to do this and also supports me in literally every aspect of my life. She's an incredible person, I'll tell you that much!
Is Faee your girlfriend? I smell some colluding going on here.	Collusion indeed! It's so true.
No posts in /gonewild I'll save you guys the time.	Dear lord.
Have you ever had to permanently ban someone from your casino? What's the craziest way you've seen somebody get banned?	We've permanently evicted people for threatening physical violence on other players and/or employees, getting into fights, things like that. A man peed under a blackjack table once; he was evicted and arrested!
I was playing blackjack once and this other got got really mad at my friend for the bet he made, he stood on a soft 16 or something. He immediately knew it was dumb and apologized to the table and the game went on. But this guy kept ranting and I said hey man, chill out. It's over now. He got in my face and wanted to fight, saying lets take this outside. I sat looking at the dealer like sooo are you gonna do something or am I gonna have to hit this guy? In the end the guy backed down but no security or anything came over. We're there people perched in wait or was this casino really shitty and security? It was Wild West in AC.	Sounds like a shitty casino. I personally would have told the guy that he either stopped or he was leaving.
What are the chances of me being busted for switching my pass line to the dont pass line, after a point is established? What would typically happen if caught? Police or just booted?	Good lord, don't do this. Best-case scenario you get away with it, worst-case scenario you're arrested. You could also get thrown out if they don't want to deal with the cops or it wasn't that large of an amount. But seriously, just bet the don't from the start. You make your money off of the odds anyway.
How often do you find people cheating? What are some of the dumbest/clever ways you have caught someone doing so?	Cheating is less common than you may think these days. The technology we employ is really advanced, as most places have upgraded their surveillance tech. We can see a lot now. The best ways that people cheat now aren't by physically manipulating things, but by "taking shots." Little things, things like making a hand signal that could be interpreted as a hit or a stand and then raising a fuss if it doesn't go your way. Most casinos will just give you the money if it's not too much instead of fully investigate it.
The chips have always seemed susceptible to counterfeiting to me. What are the countermeasures that are not apparent. RFID?	Some casinos use RFID (they'll have a more plastic feel to them.) Honestly, even high-value casinos' chips are subject to counterfeiting. I've seen stickers replaced, I've even seen people paint lower-denomination chips to look like higher-denomination chips.
Stickers? I have only been to casinos in Australia (Criwn, Star City) , but none of those could have their denomination changed by simply changing the sticker (didn't actually notice any stickers actually) because the whole chip is multicoloured plastic.	Ours have stickers on them that could be taken off. They're different colors, though, so you'd have to do something else on top of that.
Does craps have the best odds in the casino if you understand the game well? Been gambling for a few years now and I have found that I typically only win when playing craps.	The best odds of all the table games is betting the Don't Pass with max odds behind it. Second-best is the Pass Line with max odds behind it. Those odds are true odds, the casino has ZERO house edge.
Also to add: while the pass/don't pass are great bets, craps also has some of the worst bets in the house. Stay away from the centre action!	Very good advice, prop bets are there to mess around with but don't play them if you're playing "smart."
Do the auto-shufflers for blackjack favor the house in any way? I always wonder if it uses a certain algorithm to determine how to shuffle the decks.	I HATE auto-shufflers. No, they have no way of knowing how many people are playing at the table or which cards go to the dealer. It's legitimately random, moreso than some dealers who have specific shuffles.
Should I turn around and run away now while I'm still ahead?	Don't play to win. Play to enjoy yourself and have a good time. Wins happen, losses happen.
Have you noticed that players who place bets for the dealers do better? A long-time Craps player gave me that advice. He said that getting the dealers involved in the game increases his luck.	The dealers appreciate the bets, but it doesn't help your odds. It's an illusion of luck. But by all means, tip the dealers!
How closely are you (or other pit bosses) looking for card counters? If I'm counting and you notice, what's a good way for me to know that you spotted me? Thanks!	Honestly, I'm probably not looking unless you're winning a large amount or you're making really large swings in your bets. I won't let you know if I suspect you, I'll have already called surveillance and they'll be running down (counting along) on the next shoe to see what you're doing. If you see security or people in suits near your table, just color up and leave. They won't do anything to you, but they're preparing to talk to you about what they've found and might back you off.
Ever have to lay down a beating on some unruly folk?	I wish! That's old-school, before my time. If we beat up someone who was unruly the state would shut us down, guaranteed.
Why is it than when I double-down at Blackjack table, sometimes the dealer will let me have the card down while others insist its shown. Is there an industry standard? I see no disadvantage to a casino to let me have it down, it adds a bit of excitement for me.	Different casinos have different rules. Ours used to mandate it face-up, but now we let you have it face-down.
How bad are the odds or win rates for slot machines? I feel like you are just throwing away money. Not saying that other casino games are better . What was your best perk being a pit boss?	Most states will publish the odds for slot machines. Honestly most machines at reputable places (as in not bars) will have a return rate of 95-98%. That's a lower house edge than carnival games or even roulette.
	The best perk? Honestly, that it pays well and I don't actually have to DO too much, haha.
Sooo, which casino game do you believe has the best odds for the player? Where do I have the best chance to win money?	I mentioned this elsewhere, but the don't with max odds on craps. Or the pass line with max odds. Or blackjack with perfect basic strategy.
I'm not a big table player, however I do enjoy standing back and watching friends. I've noticed in some games, especially blackjack, that there are "unwritten rules". i.e. what hands to hit/stay or split. Not everyone follows them and I've witnessed some players loudly get upset by another players style of play. What role does the casino have in these breaches of table etiquette?	I'm fine with people making "dumb" moves. Generally the dealer will say "Are you suuure?" if someone is about to split up their 20 or something like that. Other players do get mad when someone does something, but we protect our players. If someone wants to make a nonstandard or risky move, they have every right to. I personally wouldn't let a player berate another player, and it has nothing to do with the casino's interests.
I see anecdotal reports every once in a while about the facial recongition used by casinos, how good is it really? I'm also interested in what it is used for other than the obvious - tracking known card counters is an obvious one but in what ways is it used that aren't so easily guessed.	Facial recognition software has always been pretty strong going back for quite a while now. There aren't really too many ways it's used other than for people who have cheated or who have overall suspicious behavior. That's the only reason we'd want to run the software on someone.
I rarely tip at the craps table, but anytime the point is even I throw a two-way hardway, I realize that it is probably not ideal for the dealers and its not like I am forced to tip; but is that somewhat acceptable in the stickman world?	If you're putting the crew up on any bet they're happy, I promise. A large percentage of dice players don't tip. Any two-way bet is appreciated!
I'm going to Vegas for the first time in about 2 months. I really only know how to play black jack and texas hold em, but I really don't want to play poker for hours on end while I'm there. 1) Will dealers (or customers) get mad if i stand and watch a game for a few minutes before sitting down?	The only time players will get mad is if you're right on top of them. Stand back, see if you can get a pamphlet on the rules of the game you're watching, or just ask the dealers or supervisors! Honestly, they want you to play - not because they want to take your money, but because it's fun to teach and show someone. As for "easy" games, roulette is pretty easy to learn, dice is the most fun but can be overwhelming, carnival games (Three Card Poker, Mississippi Stud) are very easy since they're all poker-based.
How many people get thrown out in an average night?	I'd guess 2-3 people on a weekend night. The people that get "thrown out" are usually 12 or 24-hour evictions for intoxication.
Also, do you have any special training in counting cards?	Special training in counting cards? No, the casino didn't offer me training. I had to show that I could to become a Pit, though.
Have you ever stopped someone from playing who is obviously a gambling addict? Are you, or any other casino employee trained to spot the signs of gambling addiction?	We're not allowed to tell someone that we think they have a problem, but we can respond if they tell us they do. We have paperwork on it, we're trained to spot it (chasing losses, claiming to bet money they can't afford, etc) and we also have a hotline they can call. Additionally, players can fill out self-exclusion paperwork banning themselves from the casino if they feel they can't gamble responsibly. If they come back while banned, they can and will be arrested for trespassing.
What is your take on the advent of legalized on-line gambling in some states? Do you see this affecting you or your bottom line? Is this the "job stealer" the Pols are carping about, or is this just another throw away issue to fill warchests and line cheap-suit pockets in the year before an election?	I don't see online gambling ruining brick-and-mortar casinos at all. People like coming for the experience, it's not just the gambling.
Do you gamble at all, and if so, what's your favourite game? I like my roulette, there's nothing like the rush of adrenaline when you're on a losing streak and your strategy is to double down until you win.	I don't gamble, sorry! I used to play poker a ton, and I also really love Pai Gow even though it has an absurdly high push rate per hand.
When you say it pays very well, what do you mean? what's the starting salary like and how rapidly does it increment if you do a good job?	Table Games pays VERY well compared to other departments. Your housekeeping and security is probably making $10-$12/hr (more than they would at non-casino businesses, but still) and your slot techs are probably making $14 or so an hour. Dealers with the toke rate start above $20/hr, and as you go up (supervisors don't make tips where I work and at most places, although some places give supervisors a cut of it) you make more. Especially for the amount of work I do, I get paid well.
Would I get in trouble for ordering a 7&7 from the waitress? Do they kick people out for doing unlucky things?	You wouldn't get in trouble at all. Just turn away from the table. Although for comedy purposes, the waitress could come back and say "7&7?" as she brought the drink really loudly, then the table sevens out and blames her.
I was once playing Casino War (yeah I know) and a dealer actually peeked at my card BEFORE dealing it. She saw it was an ACE and told me to bet everything I had. Needless to say, I won the hand. Have you seen anything crazy like that in your travels?	Before I started working at my current place I heard a story that happened there where the dealer was using their back foot to stop the Big Six wheel (never play Big Six; happy it's gone) early which meant that the people playing knew where it would stop. He was physically handcuffed at the table and arrested. DON'T CHEAT.
For someone like me, who is underage at the moment but would like to visit Vegas in the future when I can actually get the full "Vegas experience", what do you suggest if I find myself in a casino? What is proper casino etiquette? I usually try to be courteous to anyone around me at events and such, but is there anything special I should know? Any "taboo" subjects I should stay away from in conversation at a table? Are there any specific games/areas you recommend staying away from? Either because that's where most of the unruly people flock to, or because the experience of playing is not worth the odds of losing?	You can just push a chip forward and say "For you." They'll thank you and drop it! -Not really, no. Play what you want! Stay away from unruly people in general, wherever they may be. Enjoy yourself!
How much money would be a decent amount to bring? Not in the sense that I'm hoping to win big, but in the sense that I'd like to experience as much of the casino as I can without going over-board.	Bring whatever you'd be willing to lose. Go to a casino with low limits, bring a couple hundred bucks. Do NOT bring an ATM card.
What's the saddest thing you've seen, working at a casino?	Years ago a guy was playing blackjack. He lost, left, and then came back with five crumpled up $1 bills so that he could make a $5 bet. He lost, was gone for another hour, and then came back and did it again.
	I'm okay with people who come every day, some people enjoy it. But I hate to see people play with money they shouldn't bet with.
I've heard of apps that are available on cell phones where you surreptitiously hit a button for a high card, a middle or low...the phone silently vibrates when the card count is high? Basically one keeps the phone in his jacket/sweatshirt and hit the appropriate buttons as the cards are dealt Encountered those?	There's a reason most places don't allow electronic devices at the table. If you were constantly looking at your phone I'd consider that a tell.
I recently turned 21, I have played a lot of card games, and tried to dip my feet in Blackjack and Poker. What is some general casino etiquette I should know? I've never been to one before. What kind of bankroll should I go there with? Craps sounds like a ton of fun but all the guides I've read are pretty confusing, and I have no idea how to play other than reading this thread/other places on the Internet. Like, I essentially imagine myself walking into this big place being totally lost and confused. What could you tell me that would make my first time going more enjoyable?	It's a lot less stressful than you're worried about. Go in, talk to people, enjoy yourself. It's seriously not that big of a deal, just enjoy your first time! Bring an amount you're okay with losing. Don't bring your ATM card in. Don't chase losses (I know I just lost my last bet but I know I can win the next one!)
Has a casino ever been robbed while you were working?	Not that I'm aware of!
One day i was walking around the strip after midnight on a tuesday, with 2 friends. we went to the bellagio, and ended up walking around the (mostly vacant) floor, buying some drinks, getting really drunk, and walking around the artsy stuff. the glass garden, the cirque du soleil sculptures in that museum. A security guard came by to the museum, when we were inside, and closed the door. the lights turned off and we got locked in. i started freaking out. ive never had anything happen like this before. The girl that was with me said its ok, theres a door to the back end right here- lets see if it opens. it opened. We ended up walking through the back end of the casino, past the dishwashing and laundry and various kitchens, and got lost trying to get back to the floor (theres not really any signs back there telling you where you are or where youre going to go) We were about to ask a room service guy for some help getting back to the floor, but before we got anywhere with that (he only spoke spanish? might have been just a dishwasher), we were in a weird situation. five or six of those men in blacks with earpieces, walking a money-box with a floor manager, from the floor to the vault (i presume, i dont know how this works). the MIBs asked us a bunch of questions, determined we werent there to intercept them, and one of them guided us back to the floor, and told us to have a good time and try to keep from getting locked in off-limits areas again. i thanked him a lot and then i decided, me and my tourist friends were just going to take a straight walk from where we were, to the nearest exit to the street. it took us past the high roller slots area first, and then past the dollar video poker area. as we passed these areas, they were opening the machines and unloading their cash, and loading up cash carts with the cash. at least 2 of the MIBs recognized us, and started doing their 'always around you, but appearing to just be crossing your path while doing their thing' act. i started getting scared, and we collectively decided to hurry the fuck up and get the fuck back out of this building, we probably just looked like some idiots trying to drunkenly do oceans 11. When we went to treasure island to get back to the parking garage and start our mission home, the MIBs in the vacant casino floor all kept crossing our paths, it was really fucking bizarre. To this day, 4 years later, i am still scared to go to bellagio, because i still notice the security/mibs/whatever crossing my path much more often than i ever noticed before walking up to a loaded cash cart in the backrom on accident while drunk at like 1 am on a tuesday. Should i be afraid? are the mibs really following me around, still? did i actually scare them by appearing to have some sort of their 'cash-loading' schedule? am i just being paranoid and none of this happened, and was just exacerbated by drunkenness and being somewhere i knew i was not supposed to be at a time that large sums of cash money were being moved around?	It's in your head. The day of, they probably kept tabs on you because you happened to be in an off-limits area with a money transfer. Now, they wouldn't remember or care.
How much, on average, does a casino make on slots? Also, how does all this money transaction work? Is there a big computer network the machines and tables are connected to?	It depends on the casino. Most places I've worked bring in 60-90% of their floor revenue from slots (10-40$ from tables.) Smaller places pull in six-figures per day easily, even on slower days.
Ever send someone off to look for a left-handed roulette ball?	"Hey, new guy, we need you to find the wheel grease. Go ask the shift manager." YES I HAVE.
My buddy was playing craps one night and had about 25-35 rolls i think( about 30-40 minutes worth of rolls I'd guess), the craps table officials or whatever you call them started to get pist off/angry and started yelling(not yelling, but loud pestering) at him to throw asap before people could even get their bets on the table/ their bets winnings, is this typical to throw off the guy because hes winning a bunch (went up like $800 and if he threw like 3 more times it would have been like 1.5k with a bunch of other people at the table winning as well)or were they just being dicks? Edit: Also the dealers got pist he didn't give them a tip after he finally lost because they were being assholes(he was pretty awesome about tipping the first 20 throws or so till the dealers became douches). Is this part of the dealers job since he was winning to get him flustered and lose?	It's not part of the dealers' jobs to berate someone that's winning. The only things that should bother a good dice dealer are when people are throwing in tons of late bets or are being rude. If you're winning, good for you! Keep winning! Sounds like they were just being jerks.
Do you remember any card counters in particular that you had to call the pit boss on? Any obvious large bet spreads that caught your attention at the blackjack table? Most interesting blackjack story? Thanks very interesting stuff.	It's me, I'm the pit boss. I've come across a couple. The most recent one is a lady that our surveillance ran a report on and concluded that she's definitely counting. She's not that good at it, though, so we let her go because even though she bets big she doesn't actually win. We have the camera on her every time she plays, though.
What is the most popular "carnival" table game your casino has? Also how many tables does your location have? Any new games that have come out which seem fun?	Mississippi Stud, by far. It used to be Three Card, but it's all about Mississippi Stud now. Total tables at our place is ~40 or so. We haven't had too many new games, lately it's just been adding bonus bets to existing games (three card bonus bets on pretty much all of our carnival games now.)
What's the craziest tip you've ever received as a dealer? Does the casino monitor these generosities?	Most casinos have a tip policy. I can't accept chips or money at all (dealers can accept chips, obviously.) We can't accept non-monetary gifts with a value of over $50 as well.
	As a dealer, I've been tipped in orange ($1,000) chips before by high-limit players.
How often do people try and cheat and has the amount of peolle trying to cheat declined since you first started working in a casino?	It's hard to say. The amount of people cheating with old methods (counting cards, etc) has declined. The amount of people taking shots (pretending they didn't want that hit, things like that) has increased, but it's harder to prove.
Other than the obvious of betting as much on every hand as possible or increasing my hands an hour... is there any other way to increase or maximize my comp rating?	There really aren't ways to maximize it. Increasing your hands per hour won't matter to the computer system, you'd honestly be better off betting more at a slower table because then it shows a higher average bet over a longer period of time.
What table game gives the most bang for the buck as far as comp pay back?	As for which table games are the best, avoid mini-bacc, pai gow, and any game where you have to add bets as the hand goes on (some carnival games.)
Would you ever gamble at a casino after your experience?	Would I? Yeah, knowing the odds wouldn't prevent me from doing it or anything. I just don't have a desire to do it.
Whats the best way about getting a job in a casino? I am interested in being a poker dealer, should I attend a school or will the casino offer my training?	You apply when a job is available and when a casino is starting/advertising a "dealer school." Some places will offer the training which is usually free, but you're not technically hired until after the class.
I hope you see this tomorrow and I didn't miss where it may have been answered- what kind of training, considering the free drink culture, do dealers get so they cut someone off if they are drunk? Not even obviously, but if the casino as a whole is giving free drinks, isn't every employee required to at least have a reasonable knowledge of who is incapacitated or not?	Great question! Everyone has to get a responsible alcohol server card, even people that don't serve drinks. It's a basic class that goes over how to spot intoxication, drinks per hour, things like that. People who can serve drinks also have to have a bar card. Where I work, dealers and supervisors can't cut people off. The Pit calls a Beverage Supervisor who makes that call.
Related question: do you think the days of free drinks in casinos are numbered? On a couple of Vegas podcasts I listen to, this has been discussed, especially in relation to the guy suing Downtown Grand over his losses on Super Bowl weekend. The thought is that one of the biggies (MGM, Caesars) might experiment with eliminating free drinks. And if one of them does it, the other biggie will follow suit, and then all the little guys would probably eventually follow along as well. Your thoughts?	It's an interesting question. Some places in the US don't serve free drinks. Everywhere is different. I don't foresee it actually taking, it's a pretty big part of "the experience."
What would be the best table game for a beginner? I love Mississippi Stud, but I would love to start branching out. My goal is to play live Texas Hold 'Em and win a hand, but I'd love to learn them all.	All carnival games are the same. Let It Ride is reverse Mississippi Stud, all the other games like Three Card and Flop are just variants of poker. Live poker is a little different, you can read and learn about it! There's always blackjack, which is simple and fun.
How many tables do you have per FM? At my casino it's moved from 4-16.	16 tables per supervisor? Different casinos have different terminology, ours has a floor per 4-6 tables and then a pit that oversees it all. 16 seems crazy to me.
Yeah well it used to be 2-4 but there's been a lot of staff cuts. We have 3 pits on the main floor, each containing 10-16 tables, and there's 1 FM per pit, 1-2 roamers and 2-3 pit managers floating around + doing the roster for dealers.	Interesting. We have about 40 tables total across multiple pits, but only one pit manager who oversees it all and runs the pencil/rosteroadmap. 1-3 floors per pit, depending on the size (4-6 tables per floor)
As a dealer, would you rather have someone tip you a $5 chip, or make a $5 bet for the dealer?	Personally, I'd like the tip instead of the bet. One of the places I worked at trained the dealers to always take it instead of betting it. Those bets have house odds; give me the money!
How high tech is the security? The show Las Vegas makes it look like over the top csi levels of technology.	TV shows are dumb. We have cameras everywhere that can zoom in pretty well (no ENHANCE! ENHANCE!) Huge places in Vegas probably do have very sophisticated technology, we're smaller and so we have tons of cameras, security, electronic locks and vaults, things like that.

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Date: 2012-03-23
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Questions	Answers
Have you ever spotted a black jack "crew"? Or seen a "crew" taken out by the casino?	I've seen people TRYING to be a "crew." Most people who think they can count cards, can't. Right after that movie 21 came out the casinos were flush with confused college kids whispering to each other, "What's the count again?"
What's it cost to get a hooker to do anal?	Honestly, I have no idea. You can e-mail the prostitutes in Pahrump before going in and they would tell you if they offer the service and how much it would cost.
	Also, great username.
Do you have blackjack basic strategy down by heart? if so, and I just want to play that way, will you tell me what to do? are you allowed to tell me what to do if I just ask? Related question: do you keep a count of the cards yourself? if so are you good at predicting when a counter is going to make their big bets?	Yes, I have basic strategy memorized and some dealers are allowed to assist players, it depends on the casino. I only keep count if I'm bored or I suspect someone else on the table is counting.
My brother-in-law, Bob, was in Las Vegas last week. What did you think of him?	Bob was a delight for everyone and a generous tipper. We'd love to have him back again.
If I were to make a trip to Vegas, how would enabling the Wild Wasteland perk affect my travels? I've heard some people say it's what the experience should be in the first place and others say it's just stupid.	Enabling Wild Waseland turns the Wild Wild West Casino into a casino based on the Wild Wild West movie adaptation starring Will Smith; I don't recommend it. Plus the walls get all clippy.
What is the deal with counting cards? Is it easy to spot? If so, do you get a lot of amateur card counters trying to do this or cheat in other ways, and what is the normal course of action? Thanks!	Very few people actually try to cheat here. Spotting card counters is all in the way that they bet. It's a certain formula with very few methods of deviation so if they don't follow it strictly it doesn't work so nobody is worried about the amateurs. If a dealer suspects someone of card counting, they report it to their pit boss who then watches the game. If the person IS thought to be card counting they are simply denied service at the casino.
What happens if you drop a chip on the ground while dealing blackjack or roulette or some other game? Would you bend down to pick it up or is the risk that someone would take the chips on the table too great?	If a chip is dropped I'll call the floor supervisor over to retrieve it. Yes, the reason is to protect the chip rack.
If you were desperate for money, and you had to find a way to take, say, $250,000 out of a casino, what would your plan be? Is there anything you think you could actually get away with?	There's too many security guards, surveillance, and key cards to take it in cash. It's not Ocean's 11 security but they know what they're doing. The only other option would be to steal chips but the large denomination ones are RFID tracked so that would be a bust as well. I'd have a better success rate applying for a loan at the bank.
You ever run into any damned NCR?	No, this particular stretch of wasteland is ruled by Caesar.
What's your favorite game to deal?	Blackjack is my personal favorite. There's a bit of an art to it that I enjoy. We ARE allowed to cut someone off but it's still a little frowned upon.
Are you allowed to cut someone off if they obviously have a problem stopping when they should, like a bartender cutting off a lush?	We can also cut people off from drinking, like bartenders.
Can you explain a little more? Is it just that it's hard to tell a guy who's just lost a lot of money from a guy that has just mortgaged his house a third time?	The 3rd mortgage story is actually pretty rare. Most gamblers are actually quite good with money. But there are signs we look for to spot problem gambling patterns and direct them to appropriate help.
What other games do you deal? I'm a former croupier. I deal all the games. I used to get high limit black Jack a lot, because I was young, cute and pleasant. That meant more tips and less marks. However, I always had more fun in low level games. I'd take $5 black Jack over hand held baccarat any day. Thoughts?	I deal all of them as well, although I'll admit craps is not my forte. I'm always impressed with the ones who do it well. I prefer low-level stakes myself. Baccarat's a hellishy boring game to deal.
What are the signs you look for?	Multiple trips to the ATM is one. Suddenly gambling much larger amounts of money is another. Referred to as going "on tilt."
So full tilt would mean gambling large sums? If so, TIL.	It's a term more commonly used in poker but yeah, that's what it means.
What's the most you have seen someone win in one hand/night?	The biggest I've seen in one hand was a bad beat jackpot dealt in the poker room. The winner left with a little over 250,000 dollars.
What's the etiquette when you make a mistake? I was in Vegas recently playing poker and someone innocently took an extra dollar back from the pot, so the dealer didn't return my small blind. I told him, he said the pot was right, I said I put $6 in and it was $5 total to call, he said I took $1 back, I said I didn't, we go back and forth, he makes some personal remark about my being bad at math and how could the pot be right, I make some personal remark about it not being my job to police the pot and him being bad at his job. Eventually he offered to call the floor but the guy who took the extra dollar gives it to me so no floor is called. What's the correct way to handle this type of situation?	If you think a dealer has made a mistake you are correct in telling him immediately. The floor should be called if the situation isn't immediately solved. If the money in question is a small amount (say a dollar or two) then the house usually neutralizes the dispute by putting in the missing money. Larger amounts would go through surveillance though.
Vegas is a magic place to me. I love it so much and I'm planning on moving their in my late twenties or thirties, can you tell me what it's like to live in Vegas instead of just visit? Also, how did you get the job of a card dealer?	Locals actually have quite a few perks. Some strip clubs, dance clubs, shows, and etc. have a locals discount or "industry night." The Vegas lifestyle is available to the locals at a cheaper rate but just remember not to do it every day. To get a job as a dealer I filled out an application, passed an audition. Simple as that.
What's the residential part of Vegas like? I've only ever seen the popular areas, Fremont and the Strip, or the deserts. And as far as the heat, I live in west texas and I love working in the dry heat.	It's mostly apartment buildings and gated communities alternated by strip malls and bars. The best bars are off the strip, in my opinion.
When were you hired? What games did you have going in on your resume, what did you audition for?	I was hired for my current job in late 2010. I had all standard table games on my resume and I was auditioning for poker. Resume's aren't as important in dealing as the audition. If you've been dealing for 30 years and you mess up during the audition, they're going to go with the guy with only 1 year of experience who aced it.
What is the largest tip you have received at the table? Is it possible to pick up a casino employee or is that frowned upon?	The largest tip I've received was 600 dollars. I saw a player toss a cranberry (5k) chip to a dealer once. Tips are a big "X" factor for your income and if you're not working at a casino full time it can be difficult to budget.
	I'm sorry, I completely missed your second question. Picking up a casino employee is possible and not really frowned upon. Don't expect much from the girls dealing in the "party pits" though.
Can roulette dealers really drop the ball within a number or two? Do you work at a newer casino or an old one? I miss the sports book at the Frontier. How long have you been at this?	No, roulette dealers cannot do that. Roulette wheels are checked for bias electronically and any suspicious patterns would attract attention. I've work/ed at newer casinos and older ones. I prefer the character of the older houses but I think the Aria is amazing. I've been dealing for about 10 years now.
I was playing blackjack at the Hard Rock a few years ago when a couple of prostitutes joined the table for awhile, trying to strike it up with my brother and me. They eventually gave up and left. The dealer told us he referred to these girls as "rack rats" because when they are successful, it hurt the house take (chips accumulating in his rack). Is that a general term, or just this dealer's lingo?	I've personally never heard it but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a common term. Gaming slang is a lot of rhyming and alliteration. I'd much appreciate it if the whole world would please stop saying "Winner, winner Chicken Dinner."
I'm going to Vegas in a couple of months and I love magic. What are some of the best magic shows to go to and how far in advance should I buy tickets?	By far the best magic show, in my opinion, is Mac King's show at Harrah's. Simple, but amazing illusions in an intimate-sized theatre and very funny. Penn & Teller are great as well. The tickets can be picked up for a discount at ticket booths around the strip the day of the show. The kiosks are called Same-Day Tickets or Half-Price Tickets and are a good value. Stay away from the Criss Angel show. It's terrible.
Why is Criss Angel terrible, in your opinion?	He spends most of the show posing instead of doing magic tricks. I don't think Criss Angel is terrible, just his Vegas show.
Have you ever met a pornstar with hugely enhanced breasts? Like Kayla Kleevage, Minka, or Claudia Marie?	No, but I have met a few pornstars out here. They're generally nice people, although it's always been in relaxed social situations.
How... 'relaxed'?	At bars or private/home games. I've never met any at events like the AVN awards.
I have 200 Dollars for the night. What things to do will last the longest / provide me with the biggest value / return (average-common sense) - sights,places,activities ?	Depends, are you gambling at all?
Yes, Blackjack ? And Roulette maybe ? But I was thinking in the lines of sites / clubs...	If you're going to play low-limit table games you're probably going to want to go downtown to Fremont Street. Set aside about 40 dollars apiece and play the minimum that the table allows. If you want to see a show there are kiosks around the strip and in many casinos that offer discounted tickets for shows on the current day. Clubs are expensive to get into (30 dollars is about average) and the drinks are quite expensive as well (10 dollar beers and god help you if you order anything remotely fancy).
If I won 1 million dollars at the casino would the casino report that to the IRS?	Yes, you'd have to sign a tax form similar to a W-2 to receive the money. Depending on how much you'd gambled in the past year you'd have to pay about 30 percent of it to taxes.
The correct form is a W-2G, where they should automatically mail/give you at the end of the year. It tells you all sorts of other fun details as well, such as what kind of wagebet you made, among other details.	^That's the one. Taxes isn't really my end of the gaming machine.
What's the biggest sucker thing you can do in vegas? I've heard that slot machines are actually terrible odds but people play them anyway... so what are the stupidest ways you can lose your money?	Gambling is generally the quickest way, and slots are the worst but I think some of them are pretty cool. I'm someone who likes flashing lights and noise. Many new penny slot machines have been arriving with preset minimum bets like 25 credits but they pay out odd amounts. This usually leads to a player leaving 19 cents or so on the machine and walking away. There's people who just spend all day wandering from casino to casino looking for unclaimed spare change on the machines. It can be lucrative.
Im going to vegas soon with my girlfriend. Im only going to be there 2 nights and a day and a half. What is something romantic or exciting that most tourists dont know about?	The hiking in Red Rock Canyon is great although you'd need a car. First Fridays down in the arts district is always fun. There are countless shows (stand-up comedy, theatre, etc.) off the strip. If you're unsure of what to do in a particular stretch of time and need ideas pick up a Las Vegas Weekly. They're available for free all throughout town.
Is this a local law, or something? Or does it have something to do with cost?	I don't know but I suspect it's cost-related. Most table games have a 5 dollar minimum bet with a dealer to keep action moving. An undercover cop on the slots could control the pace. I think it's a waste of money either way.
Um..why wouldn't the casino cooperate and just give them house chips to bet with and then give them back? Also can you please tell me a good book to learn basic blackjack strategy (I don't like to always sit in front of a computer)	No, the possibility of fraud is far too high to give away money. There really isn't such a thing as "house chips." There are non-denominational chips that are used in roulette as well as specialty chips used for tournament-style play but use of those would blow the cop's cover, obviously. Also, as long as the hookers aren't pestering every player they come across, the casinos don't really mind them so much. They'll need a bed eventually. To learn blackjack strategy (or really any casino game) I'd actually recommend sitting in front of the computer a wee bit longer and visiting wizardofodds.com. It's a great resource for gambling smart.
What's the most interesting thing that you've ever seen?	That's a big question. It's all VERY interesting. You'll have to be a little more specific.
Has anyone ever made a scene over losing a large amount of money?	As a dealer, you develop quite thick skin. People will call you names and curse a lot but very few actually cause much of a scene. If a scene is caused, security is usually called and they usually eject them.
I am going in a couple days with some friends. However, I don't know how to play any of the table games. Do you know any good sites/videos to learn games like poker for a beginner like me?	Actually, many of the major casinos offer free classes that teach you how to play, usually in the mornings from 9-11 am. Many casino games can seem confusing or intimidating. My advice would be to take the free lesson and, if it seems fun, don't be afraid to throw a few bucks on the real thing. Just don't spend all your time in the casinos.
What's the etiquette for requesting tips? I had a lucky night at the blackjack table and the dealer was being an asshole telling me my "generosity has been outstanding" is it harder work for me to win? fuck that guy. amiright?	You are right. Tips are voluntary and even if we suggest it, we do it in a way that makes you think it's your idea. Some dealers have no tact and that's sad.
Is it not considered rude to ask a guest to tip though?	Yeah, it is but some still resort to it since many people don't know. Most guests that aren't accustomed to tipping will tip after realizing it's the social norm ("when in Rome") but if coerced into tipping will not be likely to later.
Are tips pooled? Do you rotate tables? I imagine the tables with larger bets get bigger tips.	Tips are earned on a table-to-table basis when you deal cash games in poker. Table games (everything else requiring a dealer) generally pool tips and divide them equally on a 24-hour timeframe. All dealers rotate into all games (except for Poker, which is usually a completely separate department) at one point or another. Unless there's a generous high roller most of our money comes from the more numerous, smaller tips from low-limit games.
How does it work with high rollers? Do they carry the cash they bet with? For example, if someone's playing a $500 minimum bet table, I would assume they'd buy in for 10 to 20 bets worth of chips. Do they really just throw 5-10 grand down on the table? And then you call out "Changing ten thousand" and proceed to show every bill to the camera, turn it over, lay it down (and probably cover the entire table 2-3 times over) and then stuff all 100 $100-bills into the cash box? Or do they establish some sort of credit with the casino and just get chips based on that?	They usually get a line of credit for the higher stakes players, yes but you'll occasionally get the high roller that throws up a few grand on the table in cash. I've seen more than a few people carrying 10k bundles around. There's a guy who plays poker down on Fremont Street called The Duke of Fremont Street (you don't say?!) who carries around a violin case full of cash, gold, and gold money clips stuffed with cash. Some people just like the attention.
Besides the line of credit they often have deposits at the cage where they get their chips or wired it in before they plan to enter a casino. Correct me if I'm wrong, MrVegas.	You speak the truth.
Do you like Fallout?	Sure do. Big fan of the games. The map of New Vegas is somewhat accurate although not to scale, obviously.
What is considered a decent tip at a table? Took a reasonable amount of money from the Cosmo a few months ago. I'm a cheap ass who didn't intend to gamble much and finished my trip playing $25 per hand blackjack. If you were my dealer, I hope my tip was appropriate.	Most poker dealers will get a dollar a hand as a tip. Since poker isn't a house game that tip isn't necessarily a "thanks for the lucky hand" but more of a "thanks for moderating the poker game." If you're playing 25 dollars a hand and you are dealt a blackjack, the blackjack will pay 37.50. A common tip on that would usually be the 2.50 but we appreciate a dollar tip/bet. Anything over 5 dollars (that isn't a high-stakes game) would be considered generous.
Fuck you let's not talk vegas. So tell me. What do you think of ohio?	I've never been there. The astronauts seem to hate it though.
What did you think of Nick Papageorgio?	That guy from Yuma who works in software? Nice guy. My friend fitted him for a suit once. Although I heard he stole some tourist wallet once.
Have you ever seen a person or group of people successfully count cards and leave with a profit? Or are they all losers?	I've seen it done to varying degrees of success, it's just not very common anymore, at least in Las Vegas. Most card counting groups operate in smaller Indian Casinos where the dealers are less likely to be trained against it. Opening a brand new casino in an area new to gaming is like ringing the dinner bell for card counters.
Do you have herpes?	No. Condoms are widely available in Las Vegas and encouraged.
Is a royal flush really that rare?	The odds of a video poker machine dealing you a royal flush on the deal is a little under 650,000 to 1 (happened to me once). As a poker dealer, I've dealt four in 10 years, although I've run into dealers who've gone their whole careers without dealing one.
You mentioned that you have been a dealer for 10 years. Do you see yourself doing this until you can retire or do you see yourself moving up? If you want to move up, what do you want to do eventually?	I could easily see myself doing this for awhile. It's fun, easy money and casinos are the best places in the world to people watch. If I moved up I'd probably like to teach dealers. I view dealing as somewhat of an art form and I'd like to reteach the "right" way.
Is card dealing a specialty? In other words, have you never worked craps or roulette? I'm always amazed at how craps dealers can keep track of everything at a busy table.	Pretty much everyone is called a dealer whether they actually "deal" anything or not. I have worked craps and roulette as well. I'm kind of bad at craps, I'm sorry to admit but roulette's fun.
What's the deal with the garish, ugly carpets you see in casinos?	I think many of them are just trying to unique. When you line them up right next to each other one mega casino is pretty identical to the next so they have to out-gimmick each other in every way. Also, many casino's carpet is actually coded to indicate areas where minor are and aren't allowed. There's usually a yellow brick road of sorts to registration and elevators.
Ok, if you see someone thrusting hard, what do you do?	I hope what they're thrusting into is enjoying the attention and I leave them to their business. I'm not sure what you were asking here...
Are there any films that have accurately portrayed what your business is like?	Not really, in my opinion. I honestly think it could be a decent (can't believe I'm saying this) reality show but the corporations that own the casinos would never let us speak frankly.
What kind of cards do you use, bicycle?, a deck specific to the casino?, or something completely different?	Most casinos use Kem or Copag cards for poker. Anyone who plays cards at home should pick some of these up. They're pretty difficult to mark, bend resistant, and they're perfect for parties. You can wash them in the sink! Blackjack and other card-based table games generally use custom cards made for the casino. I've never really paid attention to what brand they are since they're changed out so often.
My wife & I are going in a few months. (4 days/3 nights). I plan on playing/losing ~$100 on roulette and avoiding the card games. We are mostly going for shows (I'll check out those booths you mentioned) & food. One of the days I plan to send her to a spa and I want to check out some sport related gambling. Where is the best place for sports betting? Is there live betting (quick bets as in : Will Verlander strike the next batter out?)	I've always thought the LVH (the old Hilton) has a really nice sports book and their odds have always been fair. The kind of live betting you're looking for is usually the kind of action you'll get from the other patrons in the sports book. The casino doesn't have time to set odds on that short of notice.
What's the deal with craps? I went on a cruise and they had a video on casino games on a continuous loop and i'd watch the craps session over and over and still not get it. i also went on a little mine-class in the casino, was still drawing blanks. is there a "Explain to me like i'm 5" with craps.	Craps is confusing because the objective of the game changes so frequently and the odds are somewhat strange. Unless you want to go in-depth with game strategy I'd suggest putting your money on the pass line and throwing the dice until they tell you to stop. Not the best advice, I know, but I'm not a huge fan of craps.
I'll be in Vegas this June, what are the best night clubs? Is it best to buy tickets for the clubs and shows before hand or just go with the flow once I'm there?	It's a little pricey to get in (40 dollars last time I was there, if memory serves me correctly) but the Moon nightclub at the Palms Hotel is pretty damn cool. Open air at the top of the building. I'd buy the club tickets in advance since they're usually the same price. Half-price ticket booth the day of the show you want to see.
What is the best local restaurant in Vegas? Like, residential area restaurant.	The Asian food out here is great. The Chinatown District on Spring Mountain is packed with awesome food. Just pick one.
I am going to Vegas for my first time in a couple of weeks. Any tips, advice, where is the most fun to be had for the lowest price? Thanks for doing this AMA!	There are lots of groupons available for Las Vegas. The pinball museum is a cheap way to burn an afternoon.
Also -is there a proper etiquette when playing with other people (eg Don't hit when a dealer has a bust card), or is it every man for himself?	Proper etiquette is to shore up your hand against the dealer's without harming the other players. Hitting when the dealer is showing a bust card has started more than a few fights that I've seen. Practice basic strategy and try to make sure you're playing with people who do the same.
Swingers club?	The two popular swingers' clubs are The Green Door and The Red Rooster. Ladies get in free (of course), single men pay a pretty high cover charge, and couples get in for half price. They're... interesting places to meet people.
If someone is counting cards but is also a generous tipper, do you let him get away with it a little longer?	Tipping is one way of diverting attention and, yes, it does work. However, as I stated elsewhere, card counters have to adhere to certain rules and formulas regarding their wagers. They've made blackjack a business and tipping is bad for business.
What are some tips to get casino comps? Also what is your favorite buffet in Vegas? (We go to Vegas for the food and right now our Favorite is the Bellagio)	Ask for them. The biggest thing is shyness. There's a lot of people gambling in a casino at any given time so if you want your play to be evaluated for comps, simply tell the dealer or floor manager. I don't eat at the buffets too often.
Do you prefer I give you straight tip or put your tip down as a wager?	Alternating them isn't a bad way to go. Or you can always ask the dealer.
What's the strangest thing you've ever seen while dealing?	Wilford Brimley calling me a cocksucker.
How much do you make per year?	It varies, of course. It averages out to around 38-46k. I'm not a rich man but I enjoy the hell out of life.
Is it worth doing a hooker?	That's up to you man. I know people who've had bad experiences with them and I've had people who've had great experiences. Not all hookers are diseased and misguided. Some are business-minded and know that they're offering a service and do so professionally.
What do you think about older smaller casinos. Have you been to the tropicana lately?	I enjoy a lot of the smaller places. The Clarion is a great locals hangout and so is the Greek Isles. I was at the Trop yesterday. They recently remodeled almost the whole place. Looks great.
I heard the casinos make applicants take a hair test before getting hired...is this true?	Yes, you need to pass a drug test (usually hair) to get hired at nearly all casinos. It's only the one unless you do a union job though.
So when it comes to poker, "tight is right"?	I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. Could you elaborate?
Thank you for counting my cards when I'm a little slow.	You're welcome. You're there to have fun, not to do simple math all day.
I hear there are hookers in Vegas. How much would it cost for the hooker and I to get naked, except for sailor hats. Then we get into a Jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, and I clip her toenails while she shaves my buttocks.	3000 dollars.
Prostitution is illegal here in Clark County. Just felt like pointing that out.	I couldn't resist the Rat Race reference. Yes, prostitution is illegal, BUT you can drive about 45 minutes west to Pahrump and get a legal hooker at a brothel.
Dont a question for you, but this was the best AMA I've read in months! Funny answers, and detailed answers for the serious questions.	Thanks. This is pretty fun, I've got to say. This is my first AMA and I genuinely like informing and entertaining people. It's probably why I love my job.
Yes, I'm referring to the playing style. Either you place "loose" and play a lot of hands. Or you play "tight" and play far less hands, the best hands.	Poker strategy is slippery and no one credo or saying is right. If you're a beginner it's best to play a little more conservatively but you'll need to able to change gears eventually.
Unless he was controlling a single deck with both hands, never.	Right answer.
10% Generous/Grateful 5% A welcome but standard tip 1% Depending on your attitude towards me, may have been an insult, or just a cheapo.	Never feel like a tip is an insult. I make nearly my entire living by people tipping me one dollar at a time. "Cheapos" pay my bills.
I've personally never heard it but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a common term. Gaming slang is a lot of rhyming and alliteration. I'd much appreciate it if the whole world would please stop saying "Winner, winner Chicken Dinner."	Also, the savvy prostitutes will only pick up guys from table games. Vice cops can play slots undercover to try to lure in hookers but can't play table games.

Last updated: 2012-03-28 10:18 UTC
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Idol Island: All Confessionals

EPISODE 1
Jo- So my team is full of a bunch of losers who should know not to stand in my way! They should know that if they value their kiwis. (Honestly this season is going to be fun as hell so who knows what happens?)
Jay- Time to get idoled out!
Sanders- Woohoo playing to win this season!
Bridgette- Idols? Everyone has one? Man and I wanted to have the game at least start somewhat peaceful at first.
Alejandro- I just want an idol. And I want to win I guess.
Leshawna- Boo Boo child, Jo needs a wake up call. That girl needs to put on some jeans or something. Maybe something with Kumquats on it.
Sanders- I freaking love my team. I know a decent portion of them, and all of them are hardworking, challenge oriented contestants. If any team could go on an immunity run, I think it's definitely my team.
Mike- Mike awkwardly sits in front of the camera and nervously laughs. Anne Maria and Zoey on my team?! I really like Zoey, but Vito likes Anne Maria. Darn, this is gonna be a tough game! I just need to work better on controlling the- Mike inhales and turns into Vito. Yo, where's my girls at?! Ayy Mike this isn't a party! Why are you sitting in the bathroom talking to yourself?! Camera cuts out.
Noah- Man.. Idol island huh? Sounds kind of lame.. I swear these reality shows just keep getting worse and worse.. That Tyler guy wants to ally with me already. Well.. Let's see how this turns out.
Bridgette- People already fighting.. I don’t like when they last long! Especially in our own team! Its why most fights I am involved end usually end quickly in a few minutes, mostly of Geoff back then. Hey Geoff! waves confession cut off
Tyler- So yea, this is all going to be totally OOC, firstly because I suck at roleplaying, and secondly because the person i'm roleplaying as isn't the brightest bulb. Aaaaanyway. Onto alliances and stuff. I, so far, have secured a weak majority on my team. My closest allies being Crimson and Sanders, at least that's how it looks. I've also got Cody and Sky as members of team B-KEY, but they're slightly lower rungs on the ladder. I've also got Leshawna, Noah and Rodney as my contacts on the Orange Team. If my intel is correct, Leshawna is in the process of securing a majority alliance on her own team. Possibly containing Izzy and Ella, but that's still not entirely clear. I've also sent out alliance requests with Miles and Zoey, granted I care less about the goings on of their team because they are structurally weaker, and between Me, BT and Arvery on our team, and Lime and... well... Lime on the Orange Team, it's likely they will be going home more than we will. Too early to tell how I'm doing in the game, but I've cast out my nets far and wide.
Ella- Singing is heard from outside the confessional. All of a sudden, the door swings open and Ella crowds into the confessional with a group of animals. Ella and the animals sing in sequence. Ohhh! My name is Ella and I'm here to bring joy to the world with my voooooiiiiicccee! Outside is a large rumbling noise and a bear smashes its head through the confessional and tries to sing. She continues to sing and then the bear accidentally knocks the confessional down. The camera falls to the ground as the animals carry away the outhouse and Ella. Two squirrels pick up the camera and imitate Ella. Squirrel: Blahbalahablah The squirrels giggle and drop the camera.
Bridgette- I have surfed with dolphins several times, but never carried by them like that.. That girl is some kind of weird miracle. Still seems too unnatural though in some kind of way though. I don't know..
Duncan- This idol island thing sounds lame. I mean we go to an island to find idols. Big whoop! I've got an idol right here! In my pants! points at crotch Look!
Zoey- Jo is someone I fear…
Topher- dada dada DUN DUN daaaaaa I-dooooooooool Islandddddddd An idol for eeeeeveryoneeeee I-dooooooooool Islandddddddd Every vote will beeeee funnnnnn I-dooooooooool Islandddddddd! Hi, I'm Topher, coming to you not live from Total Drama Idol Island! 30 complete strangers who have totally never met eachother are about to have the game of a life time! I have an idol. They have idols. The island has idols. The island IS an idol. The toilet paper is an idol! You have an idol! Idol idol idol idol idol!
Bridgette- This team might be all uncalm right now, but hey! Our team will eventually reunite together. I know it should! cuts to Jo fighting with other teammates
Bridgette- Who knows if our shelter plan will even work. We have just got to try our best and hope for the best, Right? No point giving up.
Jay- I hope this island has medical professionals on it; I already see myself getting hurt many times. My fellow team seem very nice; hopefully we can win this challenge.
Alejandro- It looks like my team is very good. I should have no problem lasting for a while. The only way this could be any better is if I had Brick on my team. But alas, it was not meant to be.
Alejandro- My team is looking very good. Bt and I work together very well, and he is skilled at challenges. It appears keeping him around for a while is ideal. It also appears Tyler is good at challenges. I am also allied with Arvery, and hopefully she will prove to be a valuable asset. Cody is a new, inexperienced player, and I talked to him right away. Hopefully I have gained his loyalty, seeing as he has few bonds besides me. I am also willing to work with Topher, though I'd like to dispose of him as soon as I don't need him. Nothing personal, but he is a threat to my game. From there I have a couple easy vote-offs like Jay and Jacques, so I am in an excellent position right now. Now it's time to start laying the groundwork for a few of my plans. A subtle, long game is so much more effective than sudden decisions. I plan to win this season. And that means everyone else must be eliminated by any means necessary.
Noah- Man, this island is a dump. The animals here are the worst. looks around for Ella and the animals. I do think I have a pretty decent alliance going on.. Gwen, Rodney, Izzy, and Leshawna, in order of importance to me of course. I don't know who else to add.. I was thinking B or Brick. Possibly even Rock.. So many people to play, only so little time! I don't how closely I'll keep this alliance, since really the only ones I care about are Gwen, Rodney, and Izzy. The rest are accessories, good to wear a couple of times, and throw them away when they go out of season. Of course I can get them all to win the challenges for me.. I won't actually have to do any work in the challenges and just mastermind this alliance. It's great. Gwen, Rodney, Izzy, and I are going to make a good final 4. Leshawna can get like, hm, I don't really know.. Depends on when she's not useful anymore. So it's really up to her. I definitely want her gone before merge though. Noah out.
Bridgette- Jo pisses a lot of people off. It makes lots of sense to boot her early, like Eva. Who knows, how long until before she starts a rampage! But, thinking about it in a strategic way, I might need to find a way to keep someone that pisses others off, for a bit longer thats somewhat strong. We were not strong physically in Total Drama Island after she left, even if for the better! Just before she might think about getting into fights or hurting someone.. Bridgette looks a bit frightened and tense
Jo- So I get to search for that idol? Piece of cake. I've done worse in my life. None of these guys will see what's coming to them.
Tyler- Welp, we came in 2nd place during challenge number 1, pretty much expected to do alright in this challenge considering how many challenge beasts we have on our team, but I'll have to be sure to put in more effort next time around. Aaaaand it's good to be playing the strategy game again. I mean, I say "strategy", by which I mean my strategy is pretty unique, in a way. I call my strategy the "Big Brother" strategy, I guess, which has nothing to do with the show, it's more like I see everyone who alligns with me as a little sibling that I'll protect no matter what, and as such, they can act as my eyes and ears in the competition. Which is why I gave the chance to go to Idol Island to Crimson. I mean, it's very clear that I was the one who got her there, not to brag, but I could have just as easily got my 'siblings' to send me, or someone else to go to idol island. The reason I'm sending Crimson is because that way I can have some control over the idols in the game, without having the target on my back of actually having an idol. Similarly, I'm hoping I can get Sanders, another person in my 'sibling' alliance to get the next shot at idol island. Which shouldn't be too difficult. Hopefully that can buy me the majority on my team, being aligned with 4 people on my team is good, but not perfect, of course, it shouldn't be that hard to convince people to vote out Jacques if the time comes where we lose a challenge. I have 5 other siblings spread around the other two teams, which help to give me information about the goings on on their teams. All in all, I feel as though I am in a powerful position, without seeming like I am in a powerful position.
Jo- pumps fist in the air Told you I'd do it. One special idol for yours truly. This game is mine!
Topher- So I've just been keeping quiet, and not talking to anyone on my team yet. But APPARENTLY people are already talking! It's the freaking first episode, you're not supposed to take things seriously yet! Geez. These people just don't know how to play reality television. If only I was in charge of casting, then we'd have a group of nice, obedient players who do the honorable thing and let me win! After all, I would be the most popular winner, and who doesn't love a fairytale ending? But whatever. I guess I have to deal with these nobodies who don't have what it takes to be a star. I guess Alejandro is a respectable competitor. After all, anyone who wants to work with me is obviously a nice guy! I totally have all of his loyalty, since he's definitely not the type to be sneaky and manipulative! Trust me, I know my reality television. Oh the other hand, Tyler. Eeeeew. I can still smell his lack of deodorant. I'm not sure how long I can bare the stench, but I guess he can stay for a little. Everyone else, I'll get to later! I know I left the editors with tons of material, so I'll save the good parts for later. Since they'll have a tough enough time cramming my massive winners edit into a 23 minute show.
Anne Maria- A'ight. This dumpy ass island my dopey ass TDTV agent put me on is really pissing me off. Might as well talk about how much its pissing me off while sittin' on a seriously dirty toilet. First of all; these people are awful. I came across some hookahs back in Jersey, but these people are even trashier. Most of em', at least. Especially Jo'gre, that sweaty gray tracksuit wearin' freak of fashion. She probably lifts cars and smashes rocks in her spare time or some crap. Youse atrocious, honey. Knock that tough guy/gal act off. Whichever of those you are, that is. S'why you get sent to idol island if ya ask me. Least my team ain't all useless. Green string bean weirdo Micheal or whatever his name is helped name our team and won us a damn challenge! Big ups to that scrawny kid. Maybe i can ask string bean for an alliance. Seems like a reliable loser; i got no problem using him like my hairspray. Until his use runs out, ya know? And i'd have to cut him loose, ya know? Man this game thinking is makin' my head hurt. S'not good for the makeup; imma get out of this crapshoot and do my hair over. Fo' sho. Anne Maria OUTTA HERE!
EPISODE 2
Bridgette- I applied here because there was no Chris here, but now it's like we got his little brother here with Topher. Guess the solution sometimes is just to not think about it too much. I mean, he will calm down eventually and realize he can't just be someone else laugh
Bridgette- We totally ruled in that challenge! Sure wish Geoff could experience some of this.
Anne Maria- Man, i'm sick a' these hillbilly competitions. Even if i'm the BEST at em. But whateva. Life is life, y'know? I'm amazing at anything i do, really. And Olive Garden ain't too shabby neither i gotta admit. Nobody talkin' ta me about no alliances yet. Except someone did... I don't remember who. Doesn't matter; i should be reaching out for some peeps to ally with, actually. Who wouldn't wanna ally with me!? Yea yea... That's what i'll do. I'll get a posse. A super awesome group of hotties! And maybe some weirdos too, cause they're athletic or smart or whatevah. We'll be unstoppable, honey! My game is just gettin' started! AW HELL YEA!
Leshawna- Imma going home soon boo
EPISODE 3
Jay- GO-KART RACING? I'M SCARED OF GO-KARTS! Mickey and I once tried go karts, and it ended up with Mickey getting a nose bleed and headache from just getting inside, while I ended up spiraling out of control and hitting Mickey while he was trying to get out of his kart. Ever since then we haven't been allowed back, they said we nearly destroyed the place.
Jo- Go-Kart racing? Guess you guys didn't know I was a racing champion. You better believe me.
Mike- Go-karts! They're so awesome! It almost reminds me of the game Mario Kart! I was always in first place! T-then, the blue flying shell...i-it came out of nowhere! begins to cry Then, I fell off the track and got last place!
Bridgette- Everyone in the team is all confused, and that can be bad for team unity if we lose. We have got to get together and understand each other!
Topher- Hey, when do I get to go to idol island, huh? I've obviously been working so hard for my team by... okay, this is when, yaknow, you roll the reel. Of me being awesome. You have to have a bunch of those hanging around, right? Anyways, my ingenious plan has been to give my team the silent treatment! Sure, it's not their fault we lost- I blame Josh and his jealous antics- but I can't be soft on them! I bet my team is crying about how awful it is without me helping them. They're totally gonna beg for me to come back and lead them into glorious victory! Any second now. I'm waiting by my inbox. Aaaaaaany second. Gee, this is starting to remind me of the tv industry. My team must've fallen asleep, why else would they be ignoring me?
Bridgette- Three confessions. Oh man, I'm the last one left just after the first round... This isn't looking so good right now. No! I can't give up! Our team needs to win this! I cant believe what just happened. It feels quite amazing right now, but I am also worried, I am going to be seen as a threat later on. I have got to lay low eventually or I may be on the line to elimination in merge like in my first season.
Noah- I think I know how I'm going to get rid of Leshawna, I'm going to get everyone to vote off I don't know... Gwen or Ella, tell them that Leshawna is throwing their names around. Get them to play their idols and have them vote off LeShawna.. It's the perfect plan, not only will LeShawna be gone, I'll also have an easy target the next elimination.
Noah- The best part of my team losing all the time is that I'm calling the shots. I didn't need to worry about Owen playing his idol considering how inactive he was. B had nothing to worry about, so it was a perfect plan to blindside him. Rock however, Rock was worrisome. He got 3 votes last time so I knew I had to cover up some tracks to get him to not play his idol. I told him we were voting Brick to make him think he was safe. He actually believed me. I almost felt bad for the guy. Almost. Calling all the shots feels nice. LeShawna and Gwen always come to me for who we are voting off. Rodney usually does to. I usually have to go out of my way to message Izzy, but I think that's because of different timezones.
Zoey- My first confessional this season! Well let's start with Jo, she is acting like everyone else boss on this island and she is starting to get on my nerves! if she wasn't like that all the time I wouldn't mind, but it's starting to be annoying! Even so she is a good player I must say... and a huge threat to everyone... I'm still puzzled that Gwen wasn't eliminated on the second challenge, she didn't submit and doesn't even talk that much, and B did well on the Second challenge there must be something behind the curtain, and I will find out what it is!
EPISODE 4
Jay- Fall is one of the worst times of year for me. The leaves not only give me sneezing fits, but they also make me fall a lot. One time I was just trying to walk into our school, and a singular leaf fell on my head. The sudden addition of it made me fall down and I needed a security guard to remove it. Ever since then I get many comments about being weaker then a leaf, but I won't let that get me down. As for pies, I always wanted to try a pumpkin pie, but the pumpkin makes me remember fall, which leads to leaves, which reminds me of them.
Dwayne- Well,old Dwayne's made it 4 rounds,and I think I have the power to go all the way,especially with Junior and his mother rooting me on at home! Love ya Junior! Plus,I have an alliance to keep me safe if our team actually does lose,heheh. The mean girl,Jo,approached me with an alliance with the spray tanned Jersey girl,the punk guy,and the nice surfer girl. I don't really trust Joe,is that her name,but I'll go with the alliance to keep me safe for now. Welp,I gotta go bake my pie,I hope that Josh host will like it! Root for me Junior,your old man is gonna take home the gold,heh.
Jo- So I may be sitting out this challenge. Doesn't matter to me. If my teammates do think of voting me out... holds idol I still have the upper hand.
Bridgette- I feel a bit bad for Brick on his team. Like he is involved in the army! That kind of experience is something probably none of us will never have, and yet some still seem to want him out! These people dont even seem to want to rake leaves or bake pie. Its a bit confusing, but I guess I am not on their team.
Topher- Gah! My team lost again? Lousy slackers! But seriously, why'd we have two active people sit out so two dead bodies- I mean, inactive people- could lose the challenge for us? Sure, we can just toss one of the bodies out to sea, but think about my manicure! I obviously worked so hard and demand a recount. Or at least immunity! I swear, this game is FLAWED. Look, I even snuck into the host's cabin looking for some extra gel, because I'm running low and need to keep my gorgeous hair intact. And lo and behold, I found a hidden immunity idol clue! Aka the folder containing all the information about this season with the answer key. So I figured, well who cares about my stinking team if I get to go to Idol Island, and get find an idol right? ......... IT DIDNT WORK! THE IDOL WAS NOT THERE. God, I work so hard to play by the rules, and the producers still rig against me! I need to do something about this Josh guy... by teaching him a lesson he'll never forget! Hehehehe..... Wait, he can't see these, right? camera shakes side to side GIMME THOSE TAPES, NOW! Topher tackles the confessional camera and begins pulling out film
Leshawna- imma probably going home tonight boo
EPISODE 5
Bridgette- I'm pretty much in one of the most unlikeliest alliances. The 2 girls who constantly conflict, we can all somehow align in a miracle. (Jo and Anne Maria) And pops to come with it too! (Dwayne. Just a dad nickname) Its the most unlikely alliance and yet it can be possible.
Bridgette- And Duncan. Like, this is an alliance almost no one would expect, so thats why its perfect for the game! No one will see it coming.
Jay- My trip to Idol Island was very painful, there was nobody around, and so many leaves. I tried to search for the idol as fast as I could, and I had no luck. If I go back to my team and say I didn't find out; they would never let me live it down. Sky was one of the nicest people on my team, and I really tried to defend her. Before she ended up leaving the island, she gave me her idol, and told me that she was cheering for me. As for this challenge, I can't enjoy the game scrabble that much, because every time that I want to play, Mickey always finds a way to get hurt before we start. One time he lifted up the box, but then he fell down with it. The pieces were all over the floor and our friends just laughed. With the video part, I tried to think of the funniest or cringiest video; but all I found was videos of me and Mickey; I think it's a sign.
Harold- Rats. My mad scrabble skills didn't help us in this challenge. But no fear, team! I shall carry you to victory once more!
Bridgette- I found the idol! And it is kinda thanks to one who has gotten me out before, Heather. I guess it's the first time I actually am thanking her for something. heh.
Topher- GAAAAAAAAH
Topher- LET ME BACK. LET ME BAAAAAACK. I'M NOT LEAVING THIS ISLAAAAAAAAAAAND! AAAAAAAAAH
Miles- haha wacky miles. I was the one who told Zoey people were going to vote for her, which made her use her idol. Hopefully Bridgette sticks to her word and stays on our side, since it looks like Zoey has many targets on her back.
Zoey- The best confessional thing go to Idol Island is already ON? because if so... i'm going there
Bridgette- Well, I may have voted for Mickey. but Zoey is accusing me of betraying her. And yet she is still asking me to be in a alliance with her. I mean I said yes, but can I really trust to be in a alliance like her, when she may not even trust me?
Bridgette- So, I probably am likely still loyal to the original alliance especially since she may be exposed and on a different team. Sorry, but sometimes you just get in a bad position.
EPISODE 6
Jay- Tug of War is a game that I love to watch people play, but never play. Every time that I end up playing it, it always ends with getting rope burn and needing cream to put on it to make it stop hurting. Also, I learned that dogs with rabies are much worse then angry cats...
Jo- So new team? Good. I'll be running these new guys by lunch. All part of the plan.
Alejandro- I should probably explain the Mike vote. First, I think Brick's inactivity was a fluke, so I'm giving him a pass on that. As for Crimson, she'll be a super easy vote if we lose again. As for why I chose Mike, it's simple. The original Team Olive Garden seems to be staying together for the most part, and I don't want them to pagong us come the merge. So I took Mike out to weaken their position in the game. I blindsided him now because he would never see it coming. And it opens up eliminating Crimson with double votes when she can't play an idol if she's inactive a second time. This game requires thinking several moves in advance. What may seem illogical now may tip the scales in the future.
EPISODE 7
Jay- It looks like The Olive Garden is gonna be very strong once the challenges continue. Hopefully it can be turned around with good idol plays.
Bridgette- Let’s hope we can win again!
EPISODE 8
Miles- poot poot
Bridgette- So many people just gone in one instant. This really feels a bit disconnecting with some of my friends now leaving at the same time!
Jay- This challenge is going to take all that is in me to win. Hopefully I will be the last one left hanging on. Also I suck at idol hunts. So far I've been given 3 chances and missed idols at all 3. I really need to work on riddles.
Cody- BOO-YAH FIRST INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY!!
EPISODE 9
Jay- IDOL ISLAND IS BACK! Alright, now that I got that out of the way, the game has changed a ton since we last left off. Many of the allies I made are now foes and vice versa. I barely made it past the last vote by 1 due to messing up in the challenge, but hopefully I remembered enough to get myself immunity this time around. While this was on pause, I convinced many people that I have 5 idols, when really I'm just sitting with 1, should keep the target off of my back for a while.
Zoey- Oh this is finally back? Cool! Still I don't remember a thing that happened here... Who are my allies to start with? I'm just so lost right now I don't even know what to do! Well, I'll have to recompose myself if I want to win this and I'm sure as heck that I'll be able to!
[Bridgette quit while having the double elimination idol; just thought I should mention this]
EPISODE 10
Jay- Everyone believes me about my 5 idols, guess I'm the sneakiest of the bunch.
EPISODE 11
Jay- I AM THE LAST TEAM CAPTAIN STANDING! WOOOOO Also thanks JaySilva for being Iconic and racking me up another idol, you are the best!
EPISODE 12
Jay- That makes my 3rd official idol, and my "8th idol" overall this season. I think that I've done a great job making it this far, and all I need to do is make it to the finale and I think I have a great chance at winning this thing.
Jay- I love these types of challenges, and now I'm in the final 4! Alejandro has gotten scary, so I think I'll test his idol to see if it's real. No harm really since it seems everyone has an idol to use.
Jay- Woo, Final 4! I just hope everyone doesn't get idoled because I'll be idol-less.

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Beat the Casino with $12 - Craps Betting Strategy - YouTube

This video covers a craps betting strategy for the pass line and come. This strategy is part of my craps for beginners series. It covers the pass line and co... Video 7 explains the Don't Pass Line and how it can be used as an alternate strategy to other provided in earlier videos. It is not my favorite way to play b... This video covers a craps betting strategy called the Don't Pass and Don't Come for Beginners. It covers the placing a don't pass bet on the come out roll fo... Don't Pass Hedge Craps Strategy is a craps strategy from my Dice Advice series. In Dice Advice I will show viewer submitted strategies and roll them. In Seas... Follow me on Twitter @DionPowell322 Pip Informational Videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLF8w3XmbhMtfGoTeFbLLwQT2hOZDjxLIf Tasteless Tobacco Seri...