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Hollywood Bets On New App To Fill Theaters: "With theaters' consent, Atom can offer escalating discounts as people buy more tickets together. Theaters can limit that option to certain screenings of movies with poor box-office results, or can choose not to participate at all."
As it says on the tin this is exactly that: my memories of the years I lived in a haunted house aged 8-18. It's a little long but buckle up if you want to hear an actual account of actually living in one and not the Hollywood version. Me and my parents still talk about this but I'm 30 and engaged now in my own home and my parents moved soon after I moved out. I guess I just wanted to get it out there because it's all true and I've tried to explain it to so many people who just don't believe it, I thought maybe this community would hear me. The lady that sold my parents this house warned us of weird things going on, but my Christian parents ignored it and felt we would be fine. At that time I think they thought it was all bollocks to be honest. It was a fixer upper, but definitly a great house with lots more space than our first. Anyway, as the weeks went by things got a bit weirder. I quickly learnt when playing in the street (this was the 90s), that children in my neighbourhood thought my house was haunted (and to be fair it being an old, tall, victorian house with a rickety over grown gothic pathway, it was creepy to a kid), and there were many horrible stories about things that happened inside. Kids wouldn't come round and play at my house due to this and I earnt a stigma being the new girl that lives in the haunted house at school. The house was 3 stories high with bannisters running the entire way up and out of no where things started dropping from the top of the house to the lower landing through this bannister gap. Proper poltergeist shit. Ornaments, vases, dog toys that were never upstairs. Our dogs wouldn't go up the top of the house by the attic, all they would do is bark and whimper at the landing and I was also, absolutely terrified of the entire top floor. I was an only child and I wouldn't go upstairs when home alone because it frightened me so damn much. All I can describe it as, is as soon as the light wasn't on upstairs, I could feel a presence there with me. An angry, bitter, cold feeling like a shadow behind me getting bigger and bigger. I'd sprint as fast as I could downstairs and strangely even now more than a decade on I still have bad dreams about my legs slowing down on the final stair case like I'm running through water and something is chasing me. So anyway, the weird stuff continued. I started knocking on a wall one evening, playing as a kid and to my delight it would respond to me, knocking back. Responding and copying my pattern. My mum started absolutely freaking out at this when I showed her, running outside to demand who was doing knocking to her kid all night, to find just brick wall and air. No one was on the other side. On Halloween we we all heard a scream from the affic only to brave checking it out to find it totally vacant and fine. By this point, my parents were spooked. Being religious they brought a priest in who informed them the upstairs was very negative spiritually and they should remodel the entirety of it to try and get the spirit out. He told them to gut the attic, bless the area and ask the spirit to leave. Okydokey. So they began to remodel the attic into a bedroom/ bathroom etc. This spirit did not like this. At one point my father claims his leg was pulled through the floor and sure enough his leg went through the floor into the downstairs bathroom ceiling. Later, when we had a guest in a separate part of the house, all of a sudden part of the ceiling fell on his head for absolutely no reason. The builders said it was a complete fluke and didnt make sense. On the last night of converting the attic I had the worst dream of my life which I will never forget. My bedroom was ensuite so it had 2 doors and both were heavy on hinges (like you couldn't open them without pushing down on the handle), just for reference. So this dream. I was watching a man and woman argue. The woman was wearing victorian clothes (I likened them to Oliver the musical characters at the time) and the man was in a gentlemens suit. They were arguing back and forth and I couldn't make out thier words clearly, like I was listening underwater. She suddenly looked at me, straight in the eyes and started screaming and pointing to the floor. Now.. Trigger warning because this was terrifying to see as a kid in a dream and nothing I'd ever seen in any film or TV show at that age. On the floor was a dead baby, face down. I woke up, hyperventilating in my bed, thinking it was all over, when I looked down at my own bedroom floor to see the same dead baby, but it was crying and.. Contorting. The woman slammed open my bathroom door (the one on hinges) and ran across my room and out the other door. Both my doors were litterally swinging which was physically impossible without someone standing doing it and all I could hear was screams and cries. I screamed and woke again to my mum shouting for me to wake up, saying she could hear a racket of slamming doors upstairs but when she checked I was tucked up in bed just tossing and turning. I told her my dream and she told me to come sleep with her. Years later, when I was old enough she admitted to me that they did research on the house after the priest visit and found information that a maid had been pregnant by the house master and forced to kill or abort the baby in the attic. My mum, being spiritual but also Christian said she had tried to make peace with this spirit after learning this. Nuts ay? This is just a sprinkling of the crazy things that happened over the years in that house.. But I bet your wondering if the conversion etc worked? Well, interestingly it did for us, we all were able to sleep very happily in the new guest room and no more poltergeist stuff went on. There was still an eerie energy in the loft conversion but not a threat. It kinda never felt like it was our home but I'm not sure if old houses ever do. I will say the dogs stood firm and hated the upstairs the entire time we lived there. They never accepted it and would bark still. So nothing really weird happened until years later when I was 17 and I got a new boyfriend (who was awful and abusive in the end), but anyway, we were staying in the converted bedroom up there whilst I was home from uni. I never had told him any of the stories of the house, as we were very new to dating. Anyway we went to bed, watched a movie and fell asleep. I was woken to him screaming saying a victorian woman was standing over me watching me sleep and told him very aggressively that he needs to leave! I kinda didn't mind that. She had good judgement on him. So yeah, there it is. I didn't believe in ghosts until I lived with one for 10 years! Feel free to ask questions
For years, when the topic of real world influences on the cultures of Nirn have come up, one particular race has always gotten the short end of the stick when it came to having a fair description. That race, is the Bosmer, also known as the Wood Elves. It's always irked me that while other races had their fair share of real world comparisons, the Wood Elves were always painted with broad strokes and generic explanations. There's much more to the Bosmer than people have bothered to describe them as, and I feel if no one else is going to bother writing about these real world parallels, then screw it, it's my off day, I just had a steak at 10 in the morning, so I guess I will. Before I start in on who the Bosmer are based off of, or, at the very least, who the Bosmer could strongly, STRONGLY be argued to be based off of, I'd like to say who they're not based off, and more specifically, why the descriptions they've been given to real world peoples is, well, lacking. First, I'll start off with the most popular one, being Native Americans. Saying Wood Elves are based on Native Americans is incorrect, not because there isn't necessarily influence from them, but because the term Native American is an encompassing term for a variety of different people. People who's cultures are as different as the Italian Renaissance and Feudal Japan. Sure, I understand why some would say Native American and leave at that. There are times when it can't be helped. You're building a world, you're basing culture and peoples off the real world, but sometimes it's easier just to say "These people I'm writing about are based on Asia" because those fictional people you are writing about have culturally significant symbols like dragons and other things one could find shared among many cultures in the East. The problem is, despite the fact that though certain motifs can be witnessed among multiple cultures, it's a very base level description. Some could even consider it offensive depending on how certain peoples interpret certain shared cultural relevancies. Jesus I'm saying culture a lot. Anyway, what I'm getting at is, on a shallow, first glance, sure, you can say "Wood Elves" are Native Americans. But not all Native Americans share the things people have pinned on to Bosmer. Not every Native American tribe was some Archer Hippie. Also, most tribes didn't partake in cannibalism, ritualistic or otherwise. This is actually something, that, if someone were to get offended by, I could understand. It indirectly buys into that old Hollywood interpretation of Amerindians being savages. That just wasn't the case. Yes, there were a very few tribes that occasionally took part in ritualistic cannibalism. But for every one tribe that did, there was a thousand that didn't. Well, probably not a thousand. Don't quote me on that, but just know that it was a rarity, and that saying Bosmer are based on Native Americans, especially when including ritualistic cannibalism, doesn't work. Mostly because, ritualistic cannibalism can be found in a number of cultures across the planet, so.... yeah, don't... don't say that. It's also important to note the other Native American describers used for Wood Elves (IE archery, close with nature) are so broad that it not only doesn't work from a Native American standpoint, it doesn't work from ANY standpoint. Do you know what other cultures have been good at archery or close with nature or both? Frikkin. All of them. Or at least damn near so. Look at a timeline for any culture in the world prior to the Renaissance. The probability that you'll find one if not both of these things is high. Having said all this, there is a Native American tribe, one, that the wood elves absolutely do have a shared parallel with, and I'll get to that in a minute. For now, I'll continue on to what the Bosmer are not. Secondly, the Bosmer are not a barebones Celtic placeholder. This is has been tossed around a bit here and there due to the naming trends of the Wood Elves. Make no mistake, these names are absolutely based on Irish and Welsh names, but there's way more to it than that. You're probably wondering "Well wait, Fruitlessideas, are they based on Celts or not". Well, yes... but also no. Here's what I mean. You can take ANY race or culture from The Elder Scrolls, and at any given time, find that they're based on anywhere from 5 different cultures, to even 20, if you so look hard enough. The reason I say Bosmer aren't just Celts, is because they're not. Now, there is a significant influence from the real world Celtic people, but 1.) it goes beyond just their names, and 2.) in spite of that, it does NOT take up the majority of the influence for the Wood Elves. Which brings me to my third, and final "thing the Bosmer are not", and that is, a generically, high-fantasy trope, or a "realm of the fairies and pixies" inspired race. It's not a secret that the modern elf we know of is based almost entirely on JRR Tolkien's elves in LotR. If not based in the cultures or values of his elves, at least in the physiology, as described as a gracefully built people, with "leaf shaped" or pointed ears. Peter Jackson also has a significant role in this, based on the fact that his movies brought to life this fantasy world, and because of that, when people think of elves, they thing of Lego's Ass. Let go Lass. Orlando Bloom. Elf Boy. Here's the thing though, people often forget just how fleshed out Tolkien's writings were, not just about the stories he wrote, but also about the people's he wrote about. The elves, if I'm remembering right, had something like three of four different cultures in his books. Even if I'm wrong, and it's only, about two, he still wrote so much about them, that to say that either were the same people would be folly, and by extension, saying Bosmer are based on generic high fantasy elves, or Tolkien elves, is disingenuous. Because honestly, which ones? Which ones do you mean? All of them? Cause they're not all the same. HOWEVER, even in a world where they were all the same, saying Bosmer are based on these "made up cultures" doesn't work either. It only takes a five minute search to know that some of Tolkien's elves, if not all to some extent, were based HEAVILY on ancient Welsh and Irish people, as well as Norse mythology, seeing as that's kind of where elves come from. And, if we look at the Peter Jackson films, we can see a clear Art Nouveau influence in much of the architecture of the elves. So, giving this overly broad description of the Bosmer to being something akin to your basic DND, or Tolkien, or Fantasy elf race, doesn't work. Now, if one were to say that the Wood Elves of Valenwood had deep Welsh and Irish influences, they'd be right on the money. You could say they have a Nordic influence, based on the fact that, in Norse mythology, there are elves, but personally, I wouldn't. And seeing as I have no idea what Valenwood looks like, I can't say if there is an Art Nouveau inspiration in their architecture, but if anyone out there who has played ESO, been to Valenwood, and knows what the hell Art Nouveau is, please feel free to let me know if the Bosmer have it or not. I think it's cool. SO, those are what the Bosmer are not. Now, let me tell you what they SUPER are influenced by, or at least, as I said before, COULD BE STRONGLY ARGUED THAT THEY ARE INFLUENCED BY. I'm not going to give ultra long paragraphs at this point because it has dawned on me, I'm in my 20's writing about a fictional fantasy race instead of applying myself to be better in life or getting laid. Before I begin, I want it to be known that, this is not an "end all, be all" list. I'm sure there's other influences on the Bosmer other than what I'm going to say. These are just what I believe to be major influences. I'd also like to add, that I don't think Bethesda ever planned to have as much cultural influence on these races as they currently do. I think it's only because of us a fans making comparisons on our own, and overanalyzing these things as we do, that the significance of our real world peoples have been incorporated into the races of Nirn. So, without any further ado, and little to no milking of this post left... here are the real world cultures that the Bosmer most resemble, and that I've never found anyone comparing them too. 4.) Starting from the bottom and working my way up (or technically down), the Iroquois. Many know that the Wood Elves have a "Mourning War", but what many may not know is this based off the real world practice of the Iroquois Mourning War. Essentially, and I'm paraphrasing here, when a tribe member dies, they are "replaced" by a new member. This new member is a hostage, usually stolen from a neighboring tribe, if not by the tribe that killed the original tribe member. They are then made into a new member of the mourning tribe. If I remember right, the Wood Elves will torture the poor bastard to test their merit or something like that. Good way to make friends, I guess. 3.) And coming second to last, were bringing back the Celts, but not really, but kind of. "But wait! You said they weren't, but you said they were, but you said they weren't?!". I know what I said, don't tell me what I said. I was the one who said it. As stated earlier, the Bosmer aren't "just Celts", but they DO have a Celtic influence, mostly, at least to my observation anyway, what seems to be ancient all the way to early middle ages Irish and Welsh. I would like to say there's also a strong Druidic inspiration that comes from this, but the fact of the matter is, I don't know enough about ancient Celtic Druidism to make that claim, and I don't want to confuse fantasy Druidism with actual Druidism, assuming that they are absolutely nothing alike. Which maybe they are. And if they are, then that's what I'm gonna say. That there's a strong Welsh and Irish Druidic influence. But I don't know for sure on that part so.... I won’t. Moving on. 2.) Next on the list, is a trifecta, because these three next groups have all done this seemingly amazing thing, that I would believe would be part of Valenwood society (IE villages, towns, and cities), and also because I'm lazy and don't feel like making three points for essentially the same damn reasoning. These people are the Indonesian Baduy people, and the Indian Khasi and Jaintia (Pnar) people. The reasoning for these three groups is due to the fact that all have have built Living Root Bridges. What that means is, they've effectively taken the roots of trees and made them into bridges. These bridges are still alive. They are never not alive. They continue to grow into each other over the years, strengthening the bridges. Earlier, I spoke how people paint broad strokes of Native Americans as being in touch with nature, but if this isn’t as "in touch with nature" as it gets, then I don't what the hell I'm doing anymore. Again, I haven't seen Valenwood in game, and I can only assume what it looks like in ESO, but if I had to bet a nickel and a dime, I'd say, Living Root Architecture is probably, most definitely, something Bosmer would have, and by that logic, I say these three tribes of Indonesia and India are the second most influential, real world culture when it comes to the Bosmer. 1.) And finally, there is one. I won't say a lot about this next group, only because, well, I think you, the reader, should read about them on your own when you get the chance, because they're a very interesting people. They are known as the Korowai. They're a people found in Indonesia, specifically Papua. Said to be reclusive and to have had little contact with the outside world, up until about 2018, they were known as a "tree dwelling" tribe. For the longest time, they had been reported to live in tree houses in Indonesia, and though this has been found to be false, the fact that it was so widely believed by those who knew of the Korowai for such a long time, I think that in and of itself has enough significance and merit to say that it would be an influence on the Bosmer. Moving past that though, the Korowai, like the Bosmer, practiced ritual cannibalism. To what extent, I don't know, but I do know they did it for awhile, but have stopped over the past few years due to growing contact with the outside world. Now, lives in trees, practices ritualistic cannibalism, isolated from the rest of the world... sounds a bit familiar doesn't it? I also want to point out the ever present South Asian influence that's shown up in other cultures of Tamriel, in case anyone were to think this assessment of mine is far fetched. You can see it in the Khajiit, the Dunmer, and, even to a small degree, the ancient Falmer. Specifically, you can observe the cultures of India and Indonesia. There seems to be a recurring theme with those two countries. If those influences can show up in other TES cultures, it's not out of the question to say they might influence the Bosmer. Bonus half-baked, maybe, maybe not influence: The Maori. I was iffy about placing this on here, but I thought, eh, screw it. Do it. Someone gets mad, then they get mad. The reason I say the Maori, is due not necessarily because they too, in the past, practiced ritualistic cannibalism, but because they practiced it on their fallen enemies, something they share in common with the Wood Elves of Valenwood. I wanted to make other comparisons like tattoos, but seeing as I can find no writing that places significance on tattooing, and more specifically, tattooing ceremonies of the face (like that of the Maori), I'll leave that be until someone at Zenimax or Bethesda decide to add Ta Moko face tattoos to the Bosmeri culture. Anyway, a-dee, a-dee, a-dee, a that's all folks! Edit: Thank you for the silver anonymous human! Edit 2: Thank you other human for the other award! Actually, you know what? I’m just gonna save time and say thank you for the current awards, and in case I get anymore, thank you for those too!
Several months ago, right after the last Academy Awards, I posted a long, long, long list of possible contenders that had prospects to fight for the next Oscars. It was a time of hope, of looking forward, and of positivity. Then, COVID-19 happened. And now, we find ourselves in a year that may change the movie industry forever, with the lack of safety of theaters in times of a pandemic accelerating the switch of mainstream audiences to streaming and VOD. These are times where some people are beginning to wonder, even after they pushed the eligibility date for two more months, why the Academy doesn’t cancel next year’s Oscars. And in this rocky terrain, we lost many contenders. Fire up the Hunger Games cannons, because these are some casualties of the season (so far). Launched to 2021: Annette, Benedetta, Deep Water, Dune, In the Heights, King Richard, Last Night in Soho, Memoria, Nightmare Alley, Passing, Red, White and Water, Raya and the Last Dragon, The Last Duel, The Power of the Dog, Tick, Tick… Boom!, West Side Story. Unknown status / missing in action: After Yang, Blonde, Breaking News in Yuba County, C’mon C’mon, Next Goal Wins, Stillwater, The French Dispatch, The Humans, The Tragedy of Macbeth, The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Those Who Wish Me Dead. But even if this year isn’t as loaded with clear awards candidates, there are plenty of movies that are already drawing buzz for an Oscar season that started brewing a month ago, with the kickoff of the Venice Film Festival, and will go on for six and a half more months, when the Academy Awards take place on April 25, 2021. It’s gonna be a long, weird and rocky season, which is gonna be great to see in terms of the narratives that are coming up. -Ammonite (trailer): When people were betting on the likelier contenders of this year, many people pointed in the direction of Francis Lee’s period drama, with previous Best Actress winner Kate Winslet and constant nominee Saoirse Ronan. Going into the premiere at Toronto, people had their eyes set in this queer romance between a paleontologist and a young wife in the coasts of England during the 19th century. But then, some things happened. First, Winslet started her promotion of the movie by talking about her regret for working with Woody Allen and Roman Polanski that sounded unconvincing to the ominous Film Twitter. Then, another queer period drama, Mona Fastvold’s The World to Come, started to take the attention away at Venice. And finally, the movie premiered. The reaction? Cold. Critics came out mixed with the movie, with many of them comparing it negatively to last year’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, and saying that it’s too dull and alienating. Does that mean that all is lost? Not exactly. While the movie (which, considering the genre, really needs critics' support to get into the Best Picture category) has been dismissed, the acting by Winslet and Ronan has been received positively. Now that so many other contenders have been dropping out of the year, they might get some room to campaign from a (social) distance. -Another Round (trailer): Speaking of TIFF premieres, a film that had a better time at the Canadian festival was the reunion between director Thomas Vinterberg and star Mads Mikkelsen, who reunited years after making the stirring drama The Hunt (not the one with Betty Gilpin carrying a bad political satire, the one about a Danish teacher wrongly accused of sexual abuse). This time, the material is lighter, being a dramedy about four teachers who decide to test out a theory about how people can live and work a little better if they increase the level of alcohol in their blood. Critics really liked the way the movie dealt with alcoholism, and Toronto audiences made it a runner up for the People’s Choice Award of the festival. In a year without so much exposure from other festivals, this Cannes 2020 selection could make a candidate for the Best International Film category. -Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (trailer): Surprise, new Borat film! While Sacha Baron Cohen made headlines several times this year because of stunts that people assumed were about a second season of Who is America?, the Internet was shocked when, in early September, it was confirmed that it was actually a very niiiiice return from the journalist character that made him famous, shot during quarantine. In a matter of weeks after the reveal, the sequel got sold to Amazon Prime and got a release date for October 23. Why so soon? Well, apparently the movie, which got him in trouble with Rudy Giuliani and other people, is about Borat taking his daughter on a road trip to give her as a bride to VP Mike Pence. Even if this movie doesn’t manage to achieve the feats of the 2006 movie (which got a Best Adapted Screenplay nomination, let’s remember), it will help Baron Cohen’s image a lot, because it will come a week after his big Oscar play. -Cherry: While everybody knows them mostly because of their contributions to the MCU, directors Joe and Anthony Russo and actor Tom Holland are trying to branch out together. Now Apple has bought into their efforts, paying more than 40 million dollars to acquire their new crime drama, about the life of former Army medic Nico Walker, who started robbing banks after his days in Iraq left him with PTSD and a pill addiction. Will Holland manage this time to escape from the shadow of “oh, jeez, Mr. Stark” Spider-Man before Chaos Walking or the Uncharted movie come out? That’s a question for another day. -Da 5 Bloods (trailer): Talk about timing. Merely days after the country was mobilized by the police brutality that continues to divide the United States, Spike Lee premiered his new war drama on Netflix. In a vibrant, disjointed but passionate portrait of four African American veterans who return to Vietnam to search for their fallen leader and some treasure, Lee struck gold yet again with his usual fans, even though the moving of the Oscar ceremony threatened to make it harder to remind Academy voters about this movie. However, with an astounding performance from Delroy Lindo (who is confirmed to be campaigned in the Best Actor category) and a supporting turn from Chadwick Boseman which got reframed with the news of his bravery in life and death, this has what it takes to fight for a spot in the Best Picture lineup. -Everybody’s Talking About Jamie (trailer): When it became clear that quarantine wasn’t gonna be a breeze, the first movie in consideration wise enough to move a little further ahead in the calendar was this adaptation of the hit West End production about a gay British teenager who dreams of becoming a drag queen and get his family and schoolmates to accept his sexuality. With a release date on February 26, 20th Century Studios (man, it’s weird to not use Fox in that name) hopes to strike gold, with a cast that mixes young unknowns, familiar names (Sharon Horgan, Sarah Lancashire and my boy Ralph Ineson) and the previously nominated legend that is Richard E. Grant (who is playing a former drag queen named Loco Chanelle), now taking advantage of the move of other musicals like Annette, In The Heights and West Side Story. I mean, this has at the very least some Golden Globes nods in the bag. -French Exit: Before its premiere as the closing film of the NYFF, many pundits were expecting this surreal comedy to be somewhat of a comeback for past Best Actress nominee Michelle Pfeiffer, who here plays a close to penniless widow who moves to Paris with her son (Lucas Hedges) and cat, who also happens to be her reincarnated husband (Tracy Letts). However, the first reactions for the film adaptation of the Patrick deWitt novel were all over the place, with some people feeling cold by the execution of the weirdness and others being won over. Still, everybody had good things to say about Michelle Pfeiffer’s performance, but after the mixed reception to the rest of Azazel Jacobs’ film she really would need a lot of critics support to get anywhere near the Best Actress category. With a release date on February 12, it seems that Sony Pictures Classics is skipping the critics awards, and the distributor has a couple of big competitors above this one. -Good Joe Bell: Every year, there are movies with big stars that go to festivals full of hope for praises and awards. Some of them work and go on, others don’t and get forgotten about. Mark Wahlberg tried to remind people that he occasionally is a good actor with a true life drama where he plays a father who decides to walk across America to raise awareness about bullying after his son, tormented for being gay, commits suicide. The film by Reinaldo Marcus Green premiered at TIFF, and the reaction was… not great. Some critics defended it, but most saw it as a flawed, baity product starring a man with a history of hate. Still, it got bought by a distributor: Solstice Studios, a new player in the game which just released its first movie, Unhinged (yup, the one about Russell Crowe road raging). While they paid 20 million dollars for Good Joe Bell, it’s clear that this won’t get near the Oscar telecast. -Hillbilly Elegy: While many movies this year have some level of anticipation, Film Twitter is bracing for this movie in the “is this gonna be the next Green Book?” way. Ron Howard’s adaptation of J.D. Vance’s memoir about his low income life in a poor rural community in Ohio has many fearing about the overuse of tropes involving what’s called white trash porn, but rarely, Netflix has kept silent about this release. Even though it has Oscar bridesmaids Glenn Close (7 nominations) and Amy Adams (6 nominations), the streamer has not even released a photo of the movie, which supposedly will come out in November. And if you want another bad omen, take a look at the lower levels of this list by a familiar voice. -I’m Thinking of Ending Things (trailer): Speaking of Netflix, did you know that there is a new Charlie Kaufman there, right now? While his adaptation of the dark novel by Iain Reid, seemingly about a woman (Jessie Buckley) who is taken by her boyfriend (Jesse Plemons) to meet his parents (Toni Collette and David Thewlis), got the usual reception of confusion and praise that follows his movies, the release was followed for what befalls most of the Netflix original movies: a couple of days in the Top 10, and then it fell into the void. While Buckley and Plemons deliver great work in this demented, melancholic story, it’s hard to see this movie getting anything else than a Best Adapted Screenplay nomination for Charlie. And that’s a long shot. -I’m Your Woman: Following the little seen but critically acclaimed Miss Stevens and Fast Color, Julia Hart started 2020 with a Disney+ adaptation of the YA book Stargirl, and now she follows it with a drama for Amazon that will have its world premiere as the opening film of the AFI fest on October 15. In this movie, Rachel Brosnahan hopes to translate her TV success with The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel to the big screen, playing a woman in the ‘70s that has to go on the run with her kid due to her husband’s crimes. -Judas and the Black Messiah (trailer): Even if this doesn’t end up winning any awards, it has a real shot at being the best trailer of 2020. Formerly titled Jesus Was My Homeboy, this biographical drama by Shaka King tells the tale of two men: Fred Hampton (Kaluuya), an activist and Black Panther leader, and William O’Neal (Stanfield), the FBI agent sent to infiltrate the party and arrest him. While the trailer for this movie promised a release “only in theaters”, we shall see if Warner Bros backs down from that fight. -Let Them All Talk: While we’re on the subject of Warner Bros, we have to mention what’s happening with HBO Max. While the start of the streaming service hasn’t been good (I mean, there are still people confused about that name) and it lead to some people assume will cause many firings, it has begun to make some buzzed titles on TV, like Close Enough, Raised by Wolves and the remains of the DC Universe failed streaming service. Now, to make a mark in the movie business, the streamer has a new Steven Soderbergh movie, a comedy that stars Meryl Streep as a celebrated author that takes her friends (Candice Bergen, Dianne Wiest) and her nephew (Lucas Hedges) in a cruise to find fun and come to terms with the past, while he flirts with a literary agent (Gemma Chan). While it doesn’t have a date yet, it’s confirmed to release in 2020, and at least we know that it can’t be worse than The Laundromat. -Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom: While the expectations for the next film adaptation of an August Wilson acclaimed play were already high, the tragic death of Chadwick Boseman made this Netflix release one of the most anticipated movies of the season, considering this is his final movie. While past Supporting Actress winner Viola Davis takes the lead playing blues singer Ma Rainey in this tale of a heated recording session with her bandmates, her agent and her producer in 1927, Chadwick Boseman has a turn as the trumpeter Levee that was already being considered for awards, and now has even more people waiting to see. The thing is that one of the biggest competitions for Boseman this year will be Boseman himself, for his already acclaimed supporting turn on Da 5 Bloods, also released by Netflix. While the streamer will have to decide which of Chadwick’s performances will get the bigger campaign, this film by director George C. Wolfe has a cushy date set for December 18, and Viola is gunning hard for this movie to win. -Mank (trailer): As you may have noticed by now, Netflix has a lot of plates spinning around this season, and this is the big one. After befriending the service with House of Cards and Mindhunter, David Fincher is going black and white to tackle a script by his late father Jack, about the making of the classic of classics, Citizen Kane. More specifically, the making of the script, with previous Oscar winner Gary Oldman playing the lead role of screenwriter Herman J. Mankiewicz, while accompanied by Amanda Seyfried, Lily Collins, Tuppence Middleton, Charles Dance and Tom Burke. After watching the first trailer of his satire of 1930’s Hollywood (that will release on streaming on December 4), it’s clear that this is gonna be catnip to old Academy voters, and it would be really hard for this to miss the Best Picture line up. Unless it’s a complete cinematic disaster, Mank is bank. -Minari (trailer): While the last edition of Sundance took place in January, quarantine makes you feel like it took place two years ago. This year, the big winner of the Grand Jury Prize and the Audience Award in the US Dramatic Competition was a dramedy by Lee Isaac Chung, about a Korean family in the ‘80s who suddenly gets moved by their father (Steven Yeun) to Arkansas, to start a farm. Even though the reviews have been great, distributor A24 hasn’t really had a big, Oscar nominated hit for the last couple of years, and the COVID-19 crisis made them delay all their releases. But when we were ready to write this off, a new trailer for the movie came out, confirming that it’s in the game of this awards season. Maybe the pandemic will be of help to A24, considering that one of the reasons they haven’t had success is that they divided their attention into too many releases, and ended up getting not much. This time, they are betting all on Lee who, even if this doesn’t go anywhere, also has a new gig coming up as the director of the live action remake of Your Name. -News of the World (sneak peek): So much of this year has felt like a game of chicken between a virus and movie studios. While many movies chose to skip this year altogether, Universal remains firm (for now) with its plans to open a wide movie on Christmas Day, with a Western that reunites Paul Greengrass and Tom Hanks in an enticing premise. In this drama based on Paulette Jiles’ novel, Hanks plays a traveling newsreader in the aftermath of the American Civil War, who is tasked with reuniting an orphaned girl with her living relatives. While the first sneak peek of the movie looks promising, the future is still in the air. -Nomadland (trailer): While the world burns around Hollywood, Searchlight is betting big on Chloe Zhao’s new film. Using the strategy of taking the spotlight while the rest of the contenders is uncertain about how or when to be released, the indie drama began its journey at Venice, with critics raving about the story of a woman (two-time Oscar winner Frances McDormand) who, after losing everything in the Great Recession, embarks on a journey through the American West, living as a van-dwelling modern-day nomad. At the end of the fest, the movie won the coveted Golden Lion. To put that into perspective, the last three winners of the award were past Best Picture nominees The Shape of Water, Roma and Joker, with The Shape of Water (also distributed by Searchlight) also winning the big prize. After drawing critical acclaim following its virtual showing on TIFF and NYFF, Nomadland seems like the first lock in the Best Picture line up. Still, there are obstacles ahead. Will Zhao break the disappointment of the last few years, when deserving candidates for Best Director got blocked by the likes of Adam McKay and Todd Phillips? And will McDormand manage to get near a third Oscar, following a recent win for Three Billboards in Ebbing, Missouri? Time will tell. -On the Rocks (trailer): While she hasn’t been near the Oscars for a while, Sofia Coppola is still a name that draws attention. This time, she opened the NYFF with a dramedy about a young mother (Rashida Jones) who reunites with her playboy father (Bill Murray, also reuniting with Sofia after Lost in Translation) on an adventure through New York to find out if her husband (Marlon Wayans) is cheating on her. The consensus seems to be that, while light and not near her best work, it’s still a fun and breezy movie, with a very good turn by Murray. While many would assume that this A24 production will disappear into the abyss when it releases on Apple TV+ on October 23, the dropping out of many candidates gives the movie a chance to, at least, fight for some Golden Globes. -One Night in Miami (sneak peek): Following her recent Oscar and Emmy wins for If Beale Street Could Talk and Watchmen, Regina King is still striking hard, and this time, she’s doing it as a director. For her big screen debut as a filmmaker, she chose to adapt Kemp Powers’ play that dramatizes a real meeting on February 25, 1964, when Muhammad Ali (Eli Goree) followed an iconic win with a hangout session with Malcolm X (Kingsley Ben-Adir), Sam Cooke (Leslie Odom Jr.) and Jim Brown (Aldis Hodge). Opening at Venice, the film received glowing reviews, with many praising King (even though some said that the movie doesn’t fully translate the play to the film medium) and the actors’ performances, especially Ben-Adir and Odom Jr. (who, it should be said, also wrote an original song for the end credits of the movie, which could help his Oscar chances). Amazon Prime is hoping that this is their big contender this year, with plans of a theatrical release on Christmas and a streaming release on January 15. Judging by the praise this got at festival season, it has a chance to go a long way. -Over the Moon (trailer): In a year with not that many contenders for Best Animated Feature, Netflix is betting on a musical adventure directed by the legendary Glen Keane, a classic Disney animator who recently won an Oscar for Best Animated Short for co-directing Dear Basketball. While our expectations were lowered by the first trailer for the movie, centered around a Chinese girl who builds a rocket ship and blasts off to the Moon in hopes of meeting a legendary Goddess, it’s still safe to assume that it has a shot at being nominated for something. Netflix also hopes that you like its big candidate for Best Original Song, which really, really sounds like a Disney ballad. -Pieces of a Woman: While this year doesn’t have the amount of surprise contenders that a regular Oscar season usually has, we still have some movies that sneaked through festival season. The first one was the new, somber drama by Hungarian director Kornél Mundruczó, known for the doggy uprising pic White God, and the not-so-well-received sci-fi Jupiter’s Moon. This time, we follow a woman (Vanessa Kirby) whose life is torn apart after a home birth at the hands of a flustered midwife (Molly Parker) ends in tragedy, and then leads to a court battle that also makes her confront her husband (Shia LaBeouf) and her domineering mother (Ellen Burstyn). While the movie had mixed reactions, Kirby had plenty of raves in her direction, particularly concerning her performance during a 25-minute birth sequence that is said to be brutal. That brutality paid off, though, because Kirby ended up winning Best Actress at Venice, and Netflix bought the movie, which also has Martin Scorsese as an executive producer. If the Academy wants to crown a new face in the scene, Kirby is the one who will be targeted, following her acclaimed turn in The Crown and her supporting roles in blockbusters like Mission Impossible: Fallout and Hobbs & Shaw. -Promising Young Woman (trailer): When theaters started to close because of the pandemic, Universal started the push of their movies going straight to VOD, with titles including Trolls World Tour and Never Rarely Sometimes Always. However, there was a title that was supposed to premiere in April, and then suddenly disappeared from existence. It was the directorial debut of actress Emerald Fennell, who wrote a black comedy with touches of a thriller, centered on a woman in her thirties (Carey Mulligan) whose bright future was derailed by a traumatic event, and who’s now looking for revenge. While the reaction to its premiere at Sundance wasn’t enough to consider a Best Picture run, the twisted performance by Mulligan earned her the best praise since the last time she was nominated for an Oscar, a decade ago for An Education. Now, Focus Features is planning to open the movie at Christmas, and are positioning Carey for a run at Best Actress. -Rebecca (trailer): When the news came out saying that Ben Wheatley would adapt Daphne du Maurier’s psychological thriller novel for Netflix, many were shocked. Some people considered the chance that this was an awards play by the cult director, who is doing the same work that earned Alfred Hitchcock his only Best Picture win. But seeing the trailer for this new version, with Lily James playing the newly married young woman who finds herself battling the shadow of her husband's (Armie Hammer) dead first wife Rebecca, we have to wonder if there’s a point to the existence of this remake. We will find out if there’s any awards chances for this movie on October 21, when it releases on streaming. Let’s hope that Kristin Scott Thomas has something to play with as Mrs. Danvers. -Respect (trailer): Every year, there’s one or two actors who announce to the world “I want an Oscar” and campaign like their lives depended on it. Last time, it was Taron Egerton (accompanied by Elton John, who actually ended up winning another Oscar). This year, it is the turn of Jennifer Hudson, who is playing Aretha Franklin in a biopic directed by first timer Liesl Tommy, and who’s hoping that this attempt at awards ends up more like Dreamgirls than like Cats. She has been doing announcement trailers (a year in advance), quarantine tributes, award show tributes, and every possible thing to get the industry to notice that she’s playing Aretha. Hey, Rami Malek and Renee Zellweger did it in the last few years, why can’t she. With a release date of January 15, Hudson wants that gold. -Soul (trailer): Disney may be the studio that suffered the biggest hit because of the pandemic. Their parks are a loss, most of their big productions had to stop because of quarantine, and theaters in many parts of the world are closed. After the failure of Tenet for Warner Bros. and the experiment of the mouse house of charging people 30 dollars to see Mulan (which didn’t work at all), many wondered if Disney was gonna delay the new production by Pixar, written and directed by Pete Docter, who brought Oscar gold to his home with Up and Inside Out. The movie, which centers on a teacher (Jamie Foxx) who dreams of becoming a jazz musician and, just as he’s about to get his big break, ends up getting into an accident that separates his soul from his body, had a lot of promise, but the speculation of lost money was also a concern. Finally, Disney decided to release the movie on Christmas, but only on Disney Plus, causing another failure for theaters, but assuring that Disney at least can get more subscribers to its streaming service. And the movie? Well, it just premiered at the London Film Festival, and the critics are saying it’s Pixar at its best, with praises going from the look, to the script by co-director Kemp Powers (who also wrote the play of One Night in Miami, so he has many chances for a nod), to the score by Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross and Jon Batiste. That means that it’s already a top contender to win Best Animated Feature, and this may not be the only category in which the movie is gonna get nominated. -Supernova (trailer): If there’s a theme this year in terms of Oscar contenders, it might be dementia. One of the examples of this is a small road movie directed by Hairy Macqueen, which premiered to good reviews at the San Sebastian festival. This drama centers on a trip taken by Sam (Colin Firth) and Tusker (Stanley Tucci), partners for 20 years, who travel across England reuniting with friends and family, because Tusker was diagnosed with early onset dementia. While usually the big awards role is usually the one of the person who suffers the illnesses, some reviewers are calling Firth’s work as the supporting companion some of the best of his career. With Bleecker Street buying the rights for a US release, this is a little film that could still make some moves. -Tenet (trailer): For the first five months of quarantine, the big narrative in the world of film was “Christopher Nolan is gonna save cinemas”. But after postponing the release of the mind bending actioner for months on end, creating big demands and expectations to theater owners, and finally releasing as the sacrificial lamb of Hollywood, Warner Bros ended up seeing the opposite effect. Even though Tom Cruise loved to be back at the movies, critics didn’t share enough excitement to make a spy movie that goes backwards worth the possibility of dying of coronavirus. The audiences didn’t show up as much, and those who did attend, mostly complained about the sound mixing and the plot. After all the sacrifice, it’s highly unlikely that Tenet goes beyond technical awards. Let’s start the “Travis Scott for Best Original Song” campaign now, before it’s too late. -The Boys in the Band (trailer): The Ryan Murphy blank check for Netflix has been interesting to follow. On the one hand, we have his new TV shows, which go from not existing (The Politician), to alternate movie history that doesn’t know how alternate history works (Hollywood), to a challenge of how much TV will you stomach if Sarah Paulson and other middle aged actresses are campy in it (Ratched). And now, we are seeing his producing hand over the movie side, which starts with the new film adaptation of the cult play from 1968, which was already a movie in 1970 and recently jumped to Broadway in 2018. The cast from the recent Broadway production (which includes Jim Parsons, Zachary Quinto, Matt Bomer and Andrew Rannells) stars in Joe Mantello’s movie, telling the story of a group of gay friends in pre-Stonewall New York who reunite for a birthday party and end up revealing a lot of open wounds. While this movie got good reviews from critics, it kinda disappeared without a sound after beginning to stream on Netflix at the end of September. Unless the service wants to campaign for Golden Globes, this film is lost in the algorithm. -The Devil All the Time (trailer): Another September release on Netflix was the new psychological thriller by Antonio Campos (Simon Killer, Christine) who didn’t manage to continue his streak of intense and terrifying character dramas with his messy adaptation of the dark novel by Donald Ray Pollock. Wasting a cast that includes Tom Holland, Sebastian Stan, Robert Pattinson, Mia Wasikowska, Eliza Scanlen, Bill Skarsgard, Jason Clarke and Riley Keough, this twisted period piece managed to stay for a while in the Top 10, but the reactions from critics were mixed, and audiences were busy asking what was happening with Pattinson’s Southern accent (which with The King makes two years in a row, baby). The many prognosticators who had hopes for an awards play moved on a while ago. -The Father (trailer): It’s safe to say at this point that Anthony Hopkins is a lock for a Best Actor nomination at the next Oscars. After its premiere in Sundance, every prognosticator pointed in his direction, and for the next few months he swept praise for his harrowing portrayal of an old man grappling with his age as he develops dementia, causing pain to his beleaguered daughter (recent winner Olivia Colman, who also got praised). Sony Pictures Classics will make Florian Zeller’s adaptation of his acclaimed play its big contender of the season, using Hopkins (who this year got a nom for The Two Popes) as a starter to also get Colman, Zeller and the movie nominated. -The Human Voice (trailer): And speaking of Sony Pictures Classics, it’s almost safe to say that they have another Oscar in the bag this year. That’s because they just bought Pedro Almodóvar’s short film, his English-speaking debut that is an adaptation of the play by Jean Cocteau. In his version (that was acclaimed by critics after premiering in Venice), Tilda Swinton plays the woman waiting at the end of a phone, expecting to hear from his ex-lover who abandoned her. Considering how the competition for Best Live Action Short Film has become somewhat lacking in the last few years (I mean, have you seen Skin), this should be an easy award to win, especially considering how beloved Almodóvar is in the Academy, which nominated him this year for the great Pain and Glory. -The Life Ahead: While we’re talking about legends, it’s time to talk about Sophia Loren. 16 years after her last leading role in a movie, the Italian icon returns with a drama that was bought by Netflix, who plans to campaign for her as Best Actress and for the movie in the Best International Film category. Directed by Edoardo Ponti (who is also Sophia’s son), this movie centers on a Holocaust survivor who takes in a 12-year-old boy who recently robbed her, in a contemporary adaptation of Romain Gary’s novel The Life Before Us. Netflix has set a date for November 13 to release this movie, and the campaign seems to be about the narrative of seeing Loren winning another Oscar 60 years after she won her first one for Two Women, by Vittorio De Sica. -The Midnight Sky: Based on the novel Good Morning, Midnight, this collaboration between George Clooney and Netflix is once again making us ask one thing. Are we gonna get the director Clooney of Good Night and Good Luck, or are we gonna get the director Clooney of Leatherheads, The Ides of March, The Monuments Men and Suburbicon? Let’s hope he breaks his streak of blandness with this sci-fi story, which makes us think a little bit of Gravity: A lonely scientist in the Arctic (Clooney) races to stop a group of astronauts led by Felicity Jones from returning to a devastated Earth. With a release set for December, we have to hope that this is more than some Top 10 filler that will evaporate from existence in a week’s time. -The Prom: In probably the biggest blank check of the Ryan Murphy deal with Netflix, this musical he’ll direct is based on the Tony-nominated show about a group of Broadway losers (Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Andrew Rannells and James “boo” Corden) who try to find a viral story to get back in the spotlight, and end up going to a town in Indiana to help a lesbian high school student who has been banned from bringing her girlfriend to the prom. While it’s clear that this December 11 release is gonna sweep the Golden Globes, the emptiness of this year compared to others could clear the way for some Oscar nominations, including Meryl and the obligatory original song added to a preexisting musical for easy clout. -The Trial of the Chicago 7 (trailer): When it was announced that Paramount was selling Aaron Sorkin’s new movie to Netflix, some people saw it as a studio dumping a failed awards vehicle to be forgotten. However, the excuse that Sorkin wanted to release this movie before the US presidential elections seems to be true, because critics really enjoyed his old school courtroom drama, centered around the trial on counter cultural activists in the late ‘60s. Everybody praised uniformly the huge cast, that includes Sacha Baron Cohen, Eddie Redmayne, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Jeremy Strong, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Frank Langella, William Hurt, Michael Keaton and Mark Rylance, which guarantees a SAG awards nomination (but makes it difficult to decide which actors will actually get nominated for Oscars). With a reaction that brings to mind the days of A Few Good Men and is the best reception he got since his Oscar winning script for The Social Network, the film faces a couple of hurdles. First of all, it got positioned as the frontrunner in the Best Picture race by some people, which instantly puts a target on its back. Then, we have to consider that the movie releases on Netflix this Friday, October 16, which makes it the first big contender this year to face the world, and which in these times of lockdown will probably make the reception to Marriage Story and The Irishman from last year look like a walk in the park. I mean, there are some people who aren’t swayed by Sorkin, and for good reason. -The United States vs. Billie Holiday: While Paramount was quick to hand The Trial of the Chicago 7 to Netflix, there’s another movie that the studio kept to play in the upcoming awards season. This biographical drama follows the life of another famous musician, Billie Holiday (Andra Day), and we see the journey of her career in jazz as she is targeted by the Federal Department of Narcotics with an undercover sting operation led by Federal Agent Jimmy Fletcher (Trevante Rhodes), with whom she had a tumultuous affair. While the movie counts with a screenplay credit by Pulitzer winner Suzan-Lori Parks, the big question mark is the film’s director, Lee Daniels, who hit it big with Precious and then had results that were disastrous (The Paperboy) or financially successful, but not awards-wise (Lee Daniels’ The Butler). However, Paramount trusts in this movie, and with a release date on February 12, they want to make a splash. -Wolfwalkers (trailer): While the attempts by Apple TV+ to establish themselves as a player in the TV world go from trainwrecks (See) to forgettable (The Morning Show) to eventually great (see Ted Lasso, everybody, this is not a joke), their plans to make a name in the film business have something to do with this year’s Oscars. While Cherry can come or go, they have a solid contender for the Best Feature Documentary with Boys State, but their big dog this year is the new movie by Cartoon Saloon, an Irish studio responsible for the acclaimed The Secret of Kells, The Song of the Sea, and The Breadwinner, all of which were nominated for Best Animated Feature. This time, Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart direct a story about a young apprentice hunter who journeys with her father to Ireland to help wipe out the last wolf pack. But everything changes when she befriends a free-spirited girl from a mysterious tribe rumored to transform into wolves by night. After getting critically acclaimed following its premiere at TIFF, this is a surefire contender for this year’s Best Animated Feature category, and Apple is gonna parade it before its streaming release on December 11. Also, while you watch that, you could watch a couple of episodes of Ted Lasso, too. It’s a really good show, it’s all I’m saying. Anyways, that’s all the news from the last few months of festivals. No matter what happens next, this is gonna be a long, long, long race.
Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words, continuing in the footsteps of daprice82. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives. • PREVIOUS • 1987 FUTURE YEARS ARCHIVE: The Complete Observer Rewind Archive by daprice82
”This is horrible, Gorilla.” These words open the issue this week, because Wrestlemania IV is in the books and, well, it was not pretty. Dave is flabbergasted by how bad a show it was, wondering if this was a dream or a nightmare that he hasn’t woken up from. Wrestlemania III was the best wrestling production of all time. It may not have had the best card, but it was entertaining all around and the fans loved it. It set Vince up as the king of wrestling, all-powerful over the business. He’s still the king, but he’s definitely not all-powerful, and Crockett absolutely kicked Vince’s ass on March 27. Financials will take time to come in, and of course McMahon will win that measure, but we can flash back to January 24 for an analogue: The Royal Rumble won even though the Bunkhouse Finals made more money.
Preliminary info Dave has gotten from phoning cable companies and hearing from fans at closed-circuit site is that Wrestlemania interest was down by nearly half of last year’s. The buyrate for ppv could be as low as 6 percent, half of WWF’s expected 12% and still way down from last year’s 10.3%. Even so, the PPV gross would be $10.8 million, of which WWF can expect no more than $3.5 million, plus an estimated $2.3 million from a minimum 175,000 (last year had 375,000) at closed-circuit and a live gate of about $ million and an undisclosed site fee from Donald Trump for putting on the show. The early (and I mean early, don’t get attached to these numbers) overall estimate is a total gross of $14 million, with WWF netting maybe $6.5 million, a far cry from the $18 million they were predicting their take would be. How much was because Crockett ran the Clash? How much was because WWF just has been less interesting? It’s hard to say, but Crockett hurt McMahon way more than anyone could have anticipated.
As for the shows themselves, just absolute night and day between them. Crockett’s Clash was a really solid show. It wasn’t as polished a production and only had 30 minutes of wrestling in the first 90 minutes of the show, though this was to allow Sting/Flair to work without commercial breaks so it was an overall benefit. The matches, minus the barbed wire one, were all good. The crowd was into it. Two excellent matches. Probably best to never let Steve Williams talk again, though. The Jim Cornette and Eddie Haskel bit was great and made Bob Uecker and Gene Okerlund look worse than they were. Meanwhile, Wrestlemania made Starrcade 1987 look like Starrcade 1985, and that’s too nice to say even. WWF’s guys, rather than working harder because it was Wrestlemania, opted to phone it in instead because Wrestlemania itself would carry the day. Even Jesse Ventura had no good lines and coasted while Gorilla was like soundbites of his Wrestling Challenge commentary.
Anyway, Dave breaks down the major problems for WWF, as he sees them. 1) Hogan - he’s too over, to the point he overshadows everything else and by booking him as just one of the guys in the field, they completely devalued their star attraction. And instead of putting Randy over at the end, which they need to do if they’re going to try and have him be even close to as over as Hulk has been, they put Liz and Hulk over. “It’s like Randy can’t even order a taxi cab unless Liz tells Hulk to flag down the cab.” 2) Hindsight is always 20/20, but Trump Plaza was a terrible venue for a Wrestlemania, and the crowd just wasn’t a wrestling crowd, so they were not invested at all. 3) Steroids. Dave supposes he’s probably the most hated person in the world among the heavy steroid users in the business because of all the nicknames he gives them, but in all seriousness it was embarrassing to watch so many guys get blown up in a minute or two to where they couldn’t even pace out a five minute match. Like, take out the health issues, take out any sense of blame on the guys, Dave says. The tournament was embarrassing. It wasn’t funny to see the guys fail like this. It was just sad. 4) The tournament as a concept flopped. It gave fans no specific issue to focus on because belts in modern wrestling just don’t mean anything to fans - the real draw is the big personalities, and WWF proved it with this show: the only matches anyone cared about were the ones with Hogan and, to a lesser extent, DiBiase and Savage. 5) Spoilers. Too many people knew the outcome, and giving Savage the title is almost a mistake after you’ve given so many spoilers of your own show. ABC News did a report the morning after, saying “Randy Savage was the winner at Wrestlemania, but of course everyone knew it since the WWF magazine had printed the result three weeks ago. The WWF claims the magazine report was simply a typographical error.” Anyway, Dave is sick of people blaming him for their wrestling promotions not being able to draw fans at live shows when they aren’t interesting enough. Newsletter subscribers are maybe 0.002% of the viewing audience - if all Dave’s subscribers quit watching nobody would notice in the viewing numbers. Meanwhile, the fans who read newsletters are probably the most dedicated and put more money into the business than the “marks” do and will be the ones stubbornly holding on to the end if the business somehow were to die. So don’t blame Dave if your show sucks and your creative is bad and you give away your finish weeks ahead of time and don’t even bother changing it.
Anyway, Wrestlemania preliminary numbers time. About 540,000 homes on PPV, plus 195,000 through closed-circuit, as far as the U.S. goes. They did just 95 closed-circuit sites in the U.S., 39 of which had less than 2,000 capacity. No word on Crockett’s ratings, but if they hit a 5 on TBS that’s about 2 million homes.
So all that said, time to look at the Wrestlemania card. Good production, particularly the opening graphics, but not as far ahead of Crockett as last year now that they’ve upped their game. Battle royal started hot and quickly became your standard boring battle royal. The Hart/Badnews angle at the end saves the match from a dud and gets it half a star. DiBiase vs. Duggan was real slow for a five minute match, and Duggan no longer resembles the worker he was in UWF/Mid-South just a couple years ago. Very little heat. 1.5 stars. Muraco vs. Bravo gets half a star, and both were blown up by the double clothesline like they’d wrestled a hard 20 minutes, but the whole match was under 5. Valentine vs. Steamboat saw Valentine look tired and old, and just not have his famed longevity anymore. Good finish, solid work even with the timing issues. Steamboat coming out with his son and being able to be lost in the moment of just being a proud father was “a tremendous sight” for Dave. 2.25 stars. Savage vs. Reed got a pop for the finish but nothing else, really. 1 star. One Man Gang vs. Bam Bam Bigelow wasn’t good. It was obvious how bad Bigelow’s knee was, and that takes away his agility, which is the thing that sets him apart. Dave says this is a -1.5 star match in a vacuum, but considering Bam Bam’s condition he’s not going to rate it that low and calls it a dud instead. Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts was a 15 minute draw and Dave hated it. He hated Rude’s tights, the many long rest holds, the fact that there just weren’t any moves in there to pop the crowd, and the fact that the crowd chanted boring. Worst match of the year candidate. -2 stars. Ultimate Warrior blew up before he entered the ring for his match with Hercules and the match was bad. -1.5 stars, and Dave says it was worse than Rude vs. Roberts, but gets a better rating for knowing when to be done quick and not overstaying its welcome like the other match did.
Wrestlemania continued, because holy shit that was a really long paragraph and we needed an intermission. Round two saw Hogan and Andre go to a double disqualification to start off. Andre could barely stand by two and a half minutes in. Lots of shenanigans, Virgil took a nasty suplex on the floor where Hulk didn’t protect him at all, but there’s a glimmer of a future face push for him at least. Maybe his father’s a plumber, Dave quips. Half a star if you ignore the posing at the end (dud if you count the posing). But really, the crowd came to see Hogan pose. DiBiase vs. Muraco had no heat but decent action for its short stay. 1.5 stars. Savage vs. Valentine was good, well-paced with good action. 2.5 stars. Beefer vs. Honkytonk Man amazed Dave since neither was over at all when both usually are decently over. Sherri Martel made more noise than the entire audience. Loads of shenanigans, Beefer’s new haircut makes him look like a Davey Boy Smith with less wrestling ability, dud. Islanders and Heenan vs. Koko and the Bulldogs had some decent comedy and started okay, but got boring quick. 1.25 stars. Savage vs. One Man Gang was watchable but the finish sucked. Half a star. Demolition vs. Santana and Martel was solid throughout, although the crowd seemed on Demolition’s side. If the crowd had been responsive this would have been a really good match rather than just pretty good at 2.5 stars. DiBiase vs. Savage saw the crowd missing “two top-flight guys trying to work a good match” because they were watching the entrance waiting for Hogan. Savage sends Liz to get Hogan, Hogan evens the odds, Savage wins, Hogan must pose. 2.25 stars. Once round two started, the show was pretty decent, Dave thinks, just the first half of the show wasn’t RestholdMania, but Rigor Mortis Mania.
Over in Crockett Country, it’s a whole different story. They drew 6,000 fans to the Greensboro Coliseum, and all six thousand were champing at the bit for the show, which created a great energy that the wrestlers fed on for their matches. Rotunda retained the TV Title against Jimmy Garvin in the amateur rules match with a one-count pin, pinning Garvin a minute into the second round. 2.5 stars. The Midnight Express beat the Fantastics by DQ to retain the U.S. Tag Titles in a classic Memphis style brawl that was so action packed the cameras missed a lot of it. Dave gives them 4.25 stars, saying the action earned it 4.5, but the overused finish with the over the top rope throw and the referee reversing the decision lost it half a star, but then the post-match action with Corette lashing Bobby Fulton’s back with a belt got it back a quarter star. Dusty and the Road Warriors (the Rhode Warriors, I almost typed) beat Warlord and Barbarian and Ivan Koloff in a real short barbed wire match, and Dave notes the resemblance between Dudty wearing facepaint and a black t-shirt and Dump Matsumoto (with the notable difference that Dump is prettier). Ivan was bleeding after 20 seconds and Dusty after 90. Dave hates these matches - everyone gets all cautious and careful and stays in the center of the ring, so nothing really happens. 1 star. Luger and Barry Windham beat Arn and Tully for the NWA Tag Titles. Good match all around, 3.5 stars. Flair and Sting had a 45 minute draw for the NWA Title in a match of the year candidate. Slow pace to start, but the heat kept up and they weren’t dull and Flair sold the hell out of every rest hold. Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone did fantastic work on this, particularly Ross who sold the intensity and importance of the match, which was critical for the first half (if only he were still able to do that today). There were supposed to be three judges, but there were five people at the table, only two of them didn’t vote, so no idea what the point there was. Anyway, Patty Mullen (Penthouse Pet of the year and who had been on Ric’s arm the night before on tv) picked Flair. Gary Juster, former NWA promoter, voted for Sting. Sandy Scott then ruled it a draw, and nothing came of the judging gimmick which made it utterly pointless. 4.75 stars
During Clash of the Champions, after the first match, there was an ad on TBS for the WWF 900 number advertising play-by-play for Wrestlemania. WWF managed to get an ad on TBS during Crockett’s big special, and that’s hilarious. They also ran the first ad for the new Four Horsemen vitamins, which was hilarious but unintentionally so, and Dave thinks they aren’t going to sell a lot of those vitamins.
Last week Dave teased a big story, and it’s that Crockett has been negotiating with Ken Mantell of World Class Dave didn’t give any details beyond the tease last week because he was hoping to get more before press time. He promises to never note a major story the way he did again without giving more details up front, because he expected more details to break before he had to print copy but it didn’t. Anyway, negotiations have been ongoing for ten days and there are conflicting reports. Crockett’s goal is taking over World Class the way they did Florida, getting the valuable channel 11 time slot on Saturday nights in Dallas. They’re going to need Fritz on board to complete the deal, though. If it does go through, Kerry and Kevin will have guaranteed work and a push in the NWA, but neither really seems to want the travel, so they’d likely get a deal for local stuff and maybe occasional work in St. Louis. The bottom line everyone needs to consider, though, is that Mantell and Michael Hayes may be the most creative bookers anywhere right now, but they aren’t turning WCCW’s business around and it just may not work out that they can. Dave doesn’t expect a deal done now, but he thinks Mantell and Hayes may give themselves until May to see if their hard work will pay off before considering any offers.
An example of that creative booking is the WCCW title change on March 25 in Dallas. Hayes was at ringside with Kerry while Black Bart and Buddy Roberts were for Parsons. Iceman King Parsons is one of the least likely champions in wrestling history, and the match wasn’t particularly good, but the finish saw the lights go out after Terry Gordy came down, at which point Bart and Roberts used flashlights to blind the fans in the front row so nobody could see what happened. When the lights came back on, Kerry was knocked out in the ring, Hayes was bleeding on the floor, nobody knew who hit whom, and Parsons pinned Kerry to win the belt. They even had Kerry carted out on a stretcher. Dave doesn’t think (and actively prays against) Parsons will hold it for long. Hayes looks like the best prospect (nope. It’s going back to Kerry in May at the Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions). Also, I just learned that King Parsons is his real legal name. I always thought combining Iceman and King was a weird combo of gimmicks, so that solves a mystery for me.
Eddie Gilbert is leaving Memphis to book for Continental beginning April 10. Continental’s business is bottoming out and it’ll be interesting to see if Gilbert and Missy can get things going there again like they did in Memphis. This also puts Memphis in some dire straits, since the Gilberts were basically all their storylines and they were drawing triple what they had been by giving the Gilberts such big spotlight, so they’re in trouble.
Lanny Poffo, brother of WWF Champion Randy Savage, has a book coming out called Wrestling with Rhyme. It’s a book of poetry coming out in late April and will be available at Walden Books. Man, I remember when Walden went out of business. It was a sad day for me.
The only news Dave has from Japan right now is that Bruiser Brody beat Jumbo Tsuruta for the International Title at Budokan Hall on March 27. Tenryu also retained his PWF Title against Hansen.
Roddy Piper’s latest project is a new film going into production called They Live.
A correction on the Bruno Sammartino stuff. WWF isn’t trying to ban Bruno from using his name. They’re trying to ban him from using the trademarked nickname “The Living Legend” in contexts outside WWF. There’s a lot of talk about his radio interview , and some excerpts in the mail section of this issue.
There’s a film in the works about former Olympic and pro wrestler Chris Taylor. Taylor was a 450 lb wrestler from Iowa who won bronze in the 1972 Olympics and died in 1979. A book about him called “The Gentle Giant” is being adapted into a film, currently called “Lean On Me.” That does not wind up being the title, and I can’t find a movie based on him so this might have gotten scrapped. In other biopic news, no word from Hollywood on any upcoming Hulk Hogan movie.
WWF went up to the number 4 slot in the syndicated ratings for the week ending Feb. 28. They had a 10.6 rating, an increase on the previous week. Crockett’s network fell to number 9 with a 7.6.
Paul E. Dangerously firing Joe Pedicino, Gordon Solie, and Boni Blackstone on Pro Wrestling this Week aired this past weekend. It was fantastic stuff, and Paul has cemented himself as one of the top managers in the business. This is all part of a reformatting of the show to a 30 minute format with Pedicino and Patrick Schaeffer (who was the mastermind behind Global doing an IPO to build up a million dollars of operating capital) at the helm, with Schaeffer as the heel commentator.
Crockett had a big angle taped on March 21 that they aired this past Saturday, involving Magnum T.A. Magnum was doing an interview when Tully and J.J. came out, then Barry Windham came out and Tully popped Windham with a hit, then hit Magnum. J.J. was behind Magnum and helped Magnum gently go to ground, then Dusty barged in with a baseball bat and swung for the fences on Tully, then knocks out Jim Crockett without realizing who he’s swinging at when Jim and David Crockett and Rob Garner try to restore order. Jim Cornette did a tearful interview about his “good friend Jim Crockett” and Magnum even bladed, though that last didn’t make it to tv. Later on, Magnum came out and hit Tully with a bat in a match to cause a disqualification. Dave loved the concept here at first because you have to imagine Magnum hates being on the sidelines and wants to be involved to some extent and this gives him something to sink his teeth into. At the same time, “the idea of beating up a cripple, which unfortunately is the reality of the situation” is just kind of pathetic. That said, it’ll draw, and it’ll let Dusty (with Magnum in his corner) push himself as top star once again, and it may even be enough to put heat back on Dusty vs. Tully. Dusty will be suspended for 120 days come Saturday’s tv (taking us into July - will we see the Midnight Rider face Flair at the Bash, Dave wonders), Dusty will return as the Midnight Rider with Magnum at his side, and he’ll likely get the U.S. title in the tournament they’re going to hold in May.
The Oregon State Athletic Commission held a public hearing on March 18. Topics mostly stuck to safety concerns such as cleaning the mats, barriers at ringside, security, mats on the floor by ringside, etc. A lot of wrestlers were there, along with Billy Jack Haynes and Don and Barry Owen. Most of the wrestlers were negative about the Owens’ promotion, with only Tony Borne and Art Crews saying anything positive. Borne testified against the idea of using mats outside the ring, saying it’s not going to help as much as it hurts the visual effect of a spill to the floor. He also said the commission’s drug testing proposal went too far by including painkillers and marijuana on top of cocaine. The commission indicated they’ll be looking at action like the use of chairs in the future and potentially issuing fines. They also clarified their stance on blood: hardway is good, blading is bad. It’s pretty absurd to say that the more dangerous way of getting color is good but blading is bad, but this whole blood thing has become a thing for commissions around the country because blading sounds absolutely insane to people outside the industry, and even Dave has mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, blading is a minor safety issue at best, especially compared to rampant steroid and drug use and nasty bumps. On the other, Dave’s not sure fans are really drawn by excessive bleeding either, and probably actually turns off a large number of potential casual viewers. It doesn’t hurt if kept rare, but it doesn’t help if half the matches have it. And more dangerous to the wrestlers in a blood match than AIDS (they’re more likely to get that from outside activities) is scabies, which Owen’s wrestlers had an outbreak of not too far back. Rip Oliver said he’s gotten scabies four times since July and wound up giving it to his wife and kids on top of it. The outbreak led the Commission to pass a ruling against wrestlers working while they have communicable diseases and that they must notify promoters.
Eddie Gilbert vs. Jerry Lawler on March 21 drew 6,000 fans for Memphis. Gilbert won in what’s being hailed as a great match (and Dave’s heard their match the week before was even better). On tv on March 26 Gilbert acted like he was going to throw fire at Lance Russell, which got Lawler out from backstage in his first tv appearance in a month. They wound up brawling into the parking lot and Gilbert slammed Lawler on the hood of a car, shattering the windshield.
Scott Rechsteiner, using the ring name Scott Steiner, debuted as a babyface in Memphis recently. No mention of peaks or freaks yet.
Some random trivia about AWA Tag champ Paul Diamond. His real name is Tom Boric, and he was born in Winnipeg, you idiots, on May 11, 1961. He played soccer for the Tampa Bay Rowdies in the old North American Soccer League and was drafted sixth in the 1980 collegiate draft by the Calgary Boomers, before getting traded to Tampa in 1982. He stayed until the NASL folded, which is when he got into wrestling.
Anyway, Diamond and Tanaka won the belts because the Midnight Rockers wanted $500 a week guaranteed to stay and Verne doesn’t believe in guaranteed money. They don’t appear to have left yet.
[Continental] Looks like Eddie Gilbert is replacing Robert Fuller and going to be sole booker.
[USA] The other spinoff from the old Continental promotion ran its first big show in Knoxville, drawing a $10,000 gate. Previous sellouts there hit $27,000, to give an indication of relative value there. Not a lot to report about this. Moondog Spot is there as “The Dog.” He’s not a big dog. He’s not a little dog. He’s The Dog.
WCCW drew 1,700 on March 25 for their Dallas show, where Kerry dropped the title to Parsons. The other main event had Michael Hayes vs. Buddy Roberts, and Roberts kept trying to apologize for hitting Hayes, but Hayes wasn’t going to let it slide. Terry Gordy did a run in and broke things up, and told Hayes they sold Angel of Death’s contract so they can all be friends again. Hayes walked out on Gordy, though.
[WCCW] Fabulous Lance keeps getting booked for shows but hasn’t returned. His agent still doesn’t want him to be a heel because it’ll cut down his opportunities for tv and modeling work.
To illustrate how bad business is for World Class, here’s the biggest gate they drew out of three shows last week in Mississippi: $783.
A man named David Peschel of Washington, New Jersey is suing Randy Savage for a million dollars. He alleges that Savage punched and bodyslammed him when he got out of his car at a light to ask Savage for his autograph. He describes Savage as 6’4” and 280 lbs, prompting Dave to ask if this was maybe a different Randy Savage.
Rumor has it that Angelo Poffo put a $1 bet on the Wrestlemania tournament. Apparently, his bet was on Ted DiBiase.
According to a sumo journal in Japan, Futuhaguro is 99% certain he won’t go into pro wrestling. Koji Kitao will debut near the end of 1989 in the AWA, so I’ll put my dollar bet on the 1% chance.
Reader Mike Rodgers attended the Oregon commission hearing on March 18 and writes about his take. The commission is making big improvements to safety that he thinks are great, but thinks they’re overstepping by wanting to legitimately fine wrestlers who use foreign objects or chairs, and says they don’t understand “that promoters do what they can to fill up arenas.” Banning the blade but not blood is just going to increase the chance of legitimate injury, and it’s part of the proof that the commission really isn’t smart to what wrestling really is about.
We get a really long letter on Bruno’s radio interview. The writer taped the second hour and is hoping to get tape of the first hour. But before getting to the good stuff, he first wants to note that lying and silly gimmicks didn’t start in 1984 (was Gorilla Monsoon really from Manchuria? Didn’t Bruno employ gimmick wrestlers when he booked Pittsburgh? How about when he’d blade and claim to have spent the night hospitalized receiving transfusions) and that Bruno’s not really got a leg to stand on for “wrestling must be credible and it is an insult to the fans’ intelligence to lie to them.” Fans knew then just as they know now that it’s a work, but that doesn’t matter - you watch the show because it’s entertaining and you want to see the magician do their tricks. Also, the writer weighs in that the real story with the Main Event will be told by the demographic breakdown rather than the overall rating. In other words, is Hulk Hogan the Demo God? Anyway, after all this preamble, we finally get some quotes from the interview:
Bruno denies blading happened in his day but says “today, nothing would surprise me.”
Says he’ll never work for the NWA. “I wouldn’t touch it with a 50-foot pole.”
He breaks kayfabe on George Steele and says he’s been a teacher for years.
He thinks Bobby Heenan is a “dud and a disgrace” to wrestling.
He compliments Ric Flair as a guy who can give you an exciting 30 or 40 minute match, but the NWA “have an awful lot of bizarre nonsense in there that, to me, is no good.”
He says David wanted to be like him and he tried to warn David that these days they aren’t interested in “guys who just want to wrestle” but he’ll be going to Japan where they appreciate that better.
He didn’t like doing commentary. He just clocked in, did his job, and left as soon as he was done. He was very uncomfortable and unhappy doing it.
Bruno says WWF didn’t really have anything great to generate interest in the tournament for Wrestlemania.
A caller asks if his wrestling was all real, and Bruno says “Well, it was in my day, at least I thought it was.
We get a letter that feels so much like it could have been a post here on /SquaredCircle when Dave rated Omega/Okada 6 stars that I’m posting it in its entirety. Be warned, it is long, kind of racist, and absolutely bonkers, but that’s not unfamiliar around these parts. It gets the headline “Sick of praise for Japan.”
I get so sick of the way that people talk about Japanese wrestling. There’s no question it should be covered extensively in the Observer because it is a significant part of the wrestling world. However, when you start printing letters that criticize the American society and the jazz scene, then you are going way too far. Anyone who thinks the Japanese never forsake quality for showmanship is full of it. The rock group KISS has enjoyed phenomenal success there because of their wild appearence [sic] and stage show. In fact, when they stopped wearing their makeup in the United States, they waited almost two years to do the same in Japan because they knew they wouldn’t be accepted there without it. And what about the movie industry? Do you think Godzilla movies are popular because of great acting? As a student, I find teachers constantly comparing the American intelligence with that of the Japanese. I’m sure that the wrestlers love being compared to Japanese wrestlers as much as I love being compared to Japanese students. The Japanese do well at everything because they become obsessed with it. For them, it’s a matter of pride. If they screw up, it’s not only a mark on themselves but also on their entire family. You may think that’s great, but it puts a lot of pressure on everyone. They spend hours studying and I’m certain spend hours learning wrestling skills and have no time for themselves. Cut the North American wrestlers some slack. They’re just trying to make a living and preserve their bodies in the process. Look at what trying to wrestle like the Japanese did to Tommy Billington. Everyone would love matches filled with nothing but high spots, but working them is a great way to destroy yourself in a hurry. Now there is no excuse for total duds like Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant either, but there are many non-Japanese who can hold their own without going crazy about it. I wonder how many Observer readers can honestly say that they work as hard at their own jobs as the Japanese in the same profession do. If they do, then I think they would quality [sic] as workaholics. If there is anything wrong with our society, it’s the lack of national pride, which is so evident in the pages of the Observer. You seem to hate everything that wasn’t imported from the other side of the world. I have absolutely nothing against the country of Japan or Japanese wrestling, but I don’t think it’s up to a bunch of wrestling fans to dictate what’s wrong with our country just because they prefer the Oriental style of wrestling. I think the Observer is great, but I’d like to see you stick to writing about wrestling instead of how rotten our way of life is. I’m sure that’s what a Japanese journalist would do.
Anyway, Dave responds to that letter, giving the writer only 4 stars because it’s not in the literally-only-opened-a-couple-weeks-ago Tokyo Dome:
DM: Have I ever written about how rotten our quality of life is or done any cultural comparisons between the U.S. and Japan except to where it pertains to the wrestling business? If I lived in Japan and made a comparison of the quality of the football product and wrote the U.S. product was superior, I hope people wouldn’t take it as an indictment against an entire society.
Lastly, it’s about that time of year, I guess, because we have letters arguing about whether Dave should include GLOW coverage or not. Two letters this week on that theme, the first noting what the writer calls a progression in the letters calling for more coverage of women’s wrestling. First were the calls for more coverage of “conventional” women’s wrestling. Then the calls for GLOW coverage. Then POWW. Guess the next will be coverage of the apartment house wrestling scene, the writer supposes. The other writer claims to speak for 90% of subscribers and says Dave would offend that much of his readership if he covers GLOW and POWW and says that if you even consider GLOW to be pro wrestling, you’re incapable of understanding what makes a match good or not. This one asks if Dave’s going to be asked to cover mud wrestling next. There’s no misogyny problem in wrestling fandom. Move along. Nothing to see here.
Back to news, the Kentucky Athletic Commission has put up some new rules. There are to be guard rails around the ring now. Throwing an opponent over the top rope will result in a fine or suspension. Ditto for any referee who doesn’t immediately stop the match for it. The top rope rule is now state law, as insane as that sounds.
Dave should have national numbers next week, but in Atlanta Clash of the Champions drew an 11.7 rating, with the FlaiSting match hitting 14.5 National numbers will not be nearly that high, but hitting that 5 Dave mentioned earlier that would mean 2 million viewers doesn’t seem so far fetched anymore. Clash beat the NCAA tournament on the networks in Atlanta. TBS is reportedly looking to do another in prime time on a Wednesday early in the summer.
Stampede set up an angle where Johnny Smith (kayfabe Davey Boy’s cousin or brother or something) argued with Diana Hart Smith, which got Owen out to defend his sister. Davey Boy was supposed to come in after Wrestlemania to work with Johnny, but Vince put the kibosh on that. There were also considerations for some Stampede guys to participate in the Crockett Cup, but politics (Vince) made that a no-go. So it’s probably no coincidence that when Owen did the job for Hercules it was just outside Greensboro. Anyway, the real takeaway is that Owen is probably coming over to WWF by the end of the year.
NEXT WEEK:Clash vs. Wrestlemania poll results, Clash ratings and Wrestlemania buyrate, an assload of mini headlines because news is apparently thin next week, and more
KLAVAN: We Are Watching The Death Of Leftist Culture
There could not have been a more perfect illustration of the suffocating awfulness of leftist culture than one moment in this year’s Emmy’s award show. “Black-ish” actor Anthony Anderson delivered a painfully unfunny rant about black victimhood and then demanded that a clearly uncomfortable host Jimmy Kimmel shout the name of Marxist terrorist organization Black Lives Matter, “Louder, Jimmy, louder!” Which Kimmel obediently did. This is the same Kimmel who used to host “The Man Show,” a rollicking, politically incorrect display of mock-macho goofiness featuring large-breasted girls jumping on trampolines, and jokes like, “We have a serious problem in this country. Her name is Oprah. She’s got women brainwashed. She’s telling them what to do. We’re the ones who are supposed to be telling them what to do, right?” I guess now, after publicly surrendering his testicles to BLM, he’ll have to host the “Unmanned Show,” featuring yet another of his teary-eyed no-laugh monologues about how much he cares about … whatever he’s been told to care about this week. Compare this to the other erstwhile host of “The Man Show,” Adam Carolla. Carolla, with his up-yours libertarian attitude, turned his back on Hollywood, took his manhood and went home. He now produces one of the most popular podcasts in the country while publishing bestselling books with Man Show-style titles like “In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks.” Also, he’s still funny. In other words, you can be a strong, independent, politically incorrect, red-blooded American male with a mind of your own, or you can have a network show—but you can’t do both. The big entertainment corporations want you cringing, wheedling, begging forgiveness of whomever the latest left-wing victim class happens to be, and toeing the political line. Leftist culture is spiritual castration and mental slavery. That’s why it’s dying. The movie business has been virtually shut down during the pandemic. Does anyone care? I don’t think so. The movies have died of leftism. The long decline of broadcast television has been temporarily halted by the pandemic, but even the lockdown spike can’t bring ratings anywhere near their glory days in the far-off nineties. Sports viewership should be exploding during this time, but it’s limping along at best. Why? Well, I—a major NFL fan—will not watch a single game until every one of those spoiled brats stops disrespecting the flag. And I’ll bet I’m not alone. What we are looking at, I believe, is the death of leftist culture. The riots in the streets. The po-faced dishonesty of the news media. The hysterical political strategies of hoax scandals and baseless impeachments. The racial pathology of mainstream liberals and corporations. These are not signs of strength. They are signs of weakness, emptiness, and collapse. They are all that remains when you can no longer convince people to buy into your lousy ideas. For decades, the Left has owned the academy, the news media, and the entertainment industry. These are three areas where bad ideas can be nurtured under fantastical hothouse conditions without being tested in the harsher atmosphere of reality. Tyranny thrives in the hothouse. In reality: not so much. The preaching of radical Islam may have sounded great in the mosques, but the rule of the Taliban and ISIS in Afghanistan, Syria, and Iraq was a nightmare of savagery, poverty, and endless warfare. Likewise, the high-minded theories of socialism always ensorcell the minds of the idealistic young, but the truth of socialism is poverty and oppression—not just sometimes, but all the time, everywhere it’s tried. Likewise, once the American Left left the colleges and the movie screens and took to the streets in the form of BLM and Antifa thugs, once they seized their CHAZes and their CHOPs, they turned every area they controlled into a graffiti-covered hellhole of bullying violence. Jimmy Kimmel can shout as loud as they make him shout. We see who the Left is. Meanwhile, Donald Trump has done more to turn the cultural tide than any Republican since Reagan. He denounces the press. He battles the sports leagues. He’s waging war on the philosophical atrocity of critical race theory in schools. The bumptious pugilism that makes his critics reel is paying off in fearless defiance of the Left’s cultural hegemony. All of this has created a moment of opportunity. We on the right have whined about leftist culture long enough. This is the time for those who believe in freedom to freely create a culture of our own. If we build it, the people will come. We have the talent. We have the will. I wonder if we have the courage. https://www.dailywire.com/news/klavan-we-are-watching-the-death-of-leftist-culture?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=benshapiro
a few rumors brought by a hollywood producer, he used to have some sort of movie news / scoop Youtube presence with Umberto, but became pretty clear that some of the leaks were coming from him and dropped the gig, Umberto also cleaned his scoop game a bit after, now posts only verified stuff due to being employed by The Wrap. Considering his track record within the 2008-2017 time frame, i would bet 60 % wont happen, but some of it sounds like common knowledge. He probably got steam rolled from people within the business, trying to find his videos, use to do the Heroic Insider with Umberto back in BVS days. Chubby looking dude, if anyone remembers the name, comment below, so i can track his account again as he used to post little tidbits with emojis for the initiated. Here we go ..... DCEU is officially becoming DC Multiverse; will be confirmed on DCFandome by the guys producing each branch! It’s the Multiverse 101 panel. The Batman is starting an alternative bat universe that will for now consist of The Batman trilogy expanded on HBO Max by a Gotham PD show producing storylines for his villains that deep dive into their origins and the Police’s struggle to deal with them within the law. Think of it as a graphic novel dealing with him only. The current lineup [MOS, BVS, SS, ZS JL, AQM, Shazam, BOP, Black Adam, WW84, Flash, AQM2, Shazam2 and TSS] are all in the same universe and will use Flash to replace Ben’s Bat with Keaton (if he signs the dotted line), if he doesn’t they will use the Flash script to move things around, window is closing on Flash script by Hodson. Open for a scene rewrite in the next 5 months. Patty is pending an offer on WW3, WW84 expected to best the first one in the box office [within the current COVID landscape that is]. Amazons is in script stage. Buzz on WW84 is great, movie has been seen by execs at WB and AT&T, getting a sequel. The Suicide Squad is being eyed as a franchise lending itself to different directors and styles with each one having a newer rooster, Gunn is in talks to maybe return to another DC property, but no time soon as he needs to return to GOTGvol3, also hearing Disney is looking for a Russo type of situation replacement as their current directors don’t scream Avengers material. Justice League Dark HBO Max not signed yet, but they want GOT seasons 6/8 budget level as 8-episode format, it’s in the DCEU. New Gods is nearing its script completion as in “let’s Go”. Ava has a few things on plate, needs to sign that check now or lose it Supergirl paused at DC as a movie, HBO Max and AT&T are pushing for a Supes return due to online chatter. No Catwoman show on HBO Max, never was pitched, she is reserved now for The Batman movies. Aquaman 2 - has been pitched by Wan and Momoa, scripting is in, little is known about the actual plot points, only that it will mix a few genres again as Wan is intrigued in showcasing his many views on action. Movie is expected to be a bigger landscape than the first one based on their pitch Joker 2 – due to the financial success DC/WB/AT&T really want to a sequel, Todd is unsure if he can find a story, JP real happy with the 1st doesn’t want to risk it with a cash grab sequel, comes down to Todd pitching a bulletproof idea to him. Margot initial contract is up after TSS, her love flick with Leto is dead, he is booked heavy with Tron, Morbius could lead into a sequel, and not really happy with SS being chopped up by previous regime. Hard sell to get him back, WB not pushing for it due to JP’s success and iconic status. Lobo is dead with Bay, McKay and Nightwing are done, they want a more John Wick-esque approach Green Lantern - show and movie tied, different characters in both that tie an expanded story Current Deathstroke movie dead, they are going to use him in Titans only and ZS JL. And the big one is Henry as Superman, few meetings with WB, previous team wanted to have him cameo in other people’s movies, we hear that it was pushed for by Rock so he can twist in a VS movie in a few years, but another powerhouse is also pushing for a Superman return, so its victory for the bigger voice and financial power house at this point. We might get the movie we want at Fandome
NBA and Jeremy Lin Fans! Hollywood Pitch example: Fever Pitch meets Angels in the Outfield meets Linsanity!
Hey guys! I'm new here, but for those of you who are bored of the snoozefest of this year's NBA Finals and love a good underdog basketball story, I thought you might be interested. I thought the movie idea was also quite relevant given the amount of anti Asian racism that has been going on this year, especially in NYC. This is an example of a standard Hollywood pitch I wrote with a professional screenwriter (repped by a major management company) for a production company with a first look deal at a major studio last year. I thought it would be a great resource since these documents are so rarely shared after the fact (even when it's clear the project will never see the light of day). How this all works was we were given a prompt for a concept, and told to present a take on it. The prompt was: "Movie about Linsanity (Jeremy Lin) that isn't about Linsanity". So that's a pretty insane prompt but my partner and I found a general concept that was inspired by Angels in the Outfield, without the Angels (and perhaps a little bit of Fever Pitch as well). I typically don't write a lot of saccharine stuff like this, but we really liked what we were able to come up with given the prompt. For those of you who don't follow basketball, a wiki on Jeremy Lin: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Lin The company found me through a series I had written and starred in (one of the first narrative shows on Facebook Watch) that got a little bit of press: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqjt-dhhwsE Press: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2018/02/15/actor-douglas-kim-won-2-4-million-playing-poker-now-hes-betting-on-himself/ https://www.theverge.com/2017/12/10/16665426/facebook-watch-just-doug-kim-clickbait-asian-american-acting While we didn't get the job, my screenwriter friend used it as a sample when pitching for other jobs, and it went a LONG way in doing so and crafting his own pitches as well for other jobs. However, while we had the pitch registered under the WGA, we thought it'd be a waste for this pitch to never see the light of day since some of our friends who gave us notes really enjoyed it. I hope it helps in your own projects though for general pitches, and above all we hope you enjoy what we made! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q0zGp0vkHFd4UXhLGIZtBMIzmbr_44O0a4BcKQZefO4/edit?usp=sharing
Raised by Wolves, the lowest common denominator... and why Hollywood sucks.
So if the title's got you interested, thanks. Stick around because hopefully this will make perfect sense and won't take long. Obviously I've been watching the new series Raised by Wolves (by producer Ridley Scott). This is a household name for anyone who's into sci fi. He's also gotten a lot of flack for his last few outings as a director. Mostly by fans who've been hoping for something equal to his earlier work... especially Alien or Blade Runner. The last 2 films were pretty good. They included story elements from both of Scott's earlier work (the 2 films mentioned above) but still... they somehow lacked a certain something. What? I'm going to say originality. Blade Runner was an adaptation (to some degree) of a Philip K Dick novel and, if there's anything that accurately describes his work, original is it. Same goes for Alien. It was a unique blend of sci fi and horror... and it also had the incredibly original visual aesthetic of HR Giger going for it. Nobody had ever seen anything quite like Alien before 1979. But if Scott's newer projects lack originality, is that on him? I say no. Why? Because there's something about Hollwood these days that is antithetical to genuine creativity and originality. How so? In short, there's just way too much money involved in all aspects of film-making these days. $200 Million used to be the box office take for a smash hit. Now it's the production budget for the average blockbuster. In fact, $200 Million wouldn't even cover the advertising. So what's the significance of this? It means there's a huge amount of financial risk involved in making a "big movie". It also has another less obvious effect. The people in control of the money would rather make a mediocre movie that has a much broader appeal, than make a great film that appeals to a smaller number of people. And that means making films for the lowest (but largest) common denominator. It's why we got multiple Pitch Perfect sequels, while something like Alita: Battle Angel will probably be a one off. And now this brings us back to Raised By Wolves. Is it expensive? For a TV series, yes. Is it good? Yes, it's creative and highly original. Is it for everyone? No. But, I'm thinking for a particular smaller audience... it's fantastic. And this is why it could have made for a spectacular motion picture. I'm betting it would have been a critical success and a hit with a more intelligent, hardcore fanbase. But a movie version of this concept would have meant a total production and advertising budget of perhaps $300 to $400 million. And I suspect it would have been a commercial failure because there just aren't enough hardcore sci fi fans (with IQ's over 130) to buy the tickets to go and see something like this. But as a TV series with a proportionately smaller budget, maybe it works. And CGI/FX have gotten good enough and affordable enough that the visuals are roughly equal to the ideas. So this is why TV seems to be where the best stuff is these days. If Hollywood can figure out how to make smart movies for less $$$, we might someday see a return to quality, creativity and originality. But as long as it takes a quarter of a billion to put together a single movie, I doubt that will happen. And that's why Hollywood sucks (for now).
A Long-form Analysis of MGM and It's Assets: What Would Its Suitors - Apple, Amazon, Facebook and Comcast - Be Getting?
By now I think you've heard the big news about the Lion: They are looking into getting sold. After a solid decade of Hollywood perks, Anchorage Capital manager Kevin Ulrich is looking to off-load MGM in the midst of a pandemic after a series of tumultuous valuation drops. Among the potential acquirers were Facebook, Apple, Amazon, and Comcast. Among those, three are tech companies and one is a more traditional Hollywood media company. There are some major hurdles to a potential deal, however. Danjaq, the IP holding company that owns Eon Productions and is run by Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson, owns merchandising rights and shares greenlight authority for all Bond movies. Distribution rights for movies like Creed and Casino Royale are divvied up between different companies. Reality TV assets, which were brought in to bolster their holdings, include Big Fish Entertainment, which among other things produces the now-cancelled Live PD. Debt hides in the balance books; any purchase would include about $2b, making the purchase that much harder to stomach. For fun though, let's take a look at each of these four buyers to see how it could play into their strategies. Apple: The much ballyhooed content lack for Apple might've motivated a deal back in the day, especially in 2019; indeed, the article notes that a deal with Apple that would've valued MGM at $6b was almost reached in 2018.
In 2018, Mr. Ulrich, by then the board chairman, and others on the board fired Mr. Barber for having early, unsanctioned conversations with Apple to sell the studio for more than $6 billion. The preliminary talks fell apart when he was ousted. Minority shareholders protested, with Owl Creek founder Jeffrey Altman sending a letter to the board saying Owl Creek and other shareholders wanted a deal.
From an accounting perspective, there are some serious perks to buy MGM. Say you spend 8b to get The Lion plus debt; assuming 4,000 movies and 50 100+ hour TV shows, that means you got 13,000 hours for about $600k per hour, pretty cheap all things considered and a fraction of what it would have cost to get the equivalent amount of content at Apple TV+ production prices (seriously where does that money go I don't see it on screen). Plus you get a full-fledged studio with Emmy credentials on the TV side and blockbuster franchises on the feature side; Fargo and Handmaid's Tale alongside Rocky and Bond. Now here's the question: will Apple actually buy MGM? Their biggest M&A to date was the acquisition of Beats for $4b, and that came with technology that they could use for Apple Music. This $6b offer came in 2018, before Apple had an in-house studio and any library to speak of. So far, they've been weathering the pandemic surprisingly well; they've managed to keep a steady drip of content between stuff like Ted Lasso and Tehran, while also building up their own in-house production arm (presumably at significant expense). What this gets Apple now is a still not-insignificant franchise portfolio as well as a library of 4,000-ish movies plus TV shows. That's nothing to sneeze at, but it's still a far cry from the benefits that would've come from acquiring MGM earlier. If your only goal is library, then you don't spend $6b on it. Indeed, I don't think Apple will. Whether Ulrich will be willing to accept a deal for, say, $4b is an open question. My bet would be no. Amazon: Same deal for Apple, though slightly less urgency because they already have a homegrown studio. Facebook: Now this is interesting. Facebook exited the scripted content business pretty recently but there is a cognizance that content keeps users coming back to platforms and they need that content. Buying MGM would get them a fairly significant unscripted division with producing roles or control over valuable formats; among other things, they would own Botched! and have producing roles in several Real Housewives franchises, Survivor, and Shark Tank. That having been said, I see any deal that involves the House of Zuck to involve a private equity company like Vine Investments or something that will take command of the library and other such assets - that way, Facebook isn't overpaying for one component. Comcast: And the more traditional content company. There are interesting synergies that come with ownership by Comcast, but also big stumbling blocks. Their justification for buying Dreamworks was turning a low-margin business like movies into high-margin businesses like consumer products and theme parks. Similar thinking wouldn't be applicable to MGM, at least with regards to Bond; as mentioned before, Danjaq controls Bond's merchandising rights, and Comcast is pulling back investment in Theme Parks hard in the wake of the pandemic (many, many people got fired recently, unfortunately). Still, control of Bond is important when Comcast is the owner of Sky, a European media company. That alone may end up making a lower-valued deal for MGM "worth it" for the cabler. A sale of MGM might also spur Danjaq to sell the rest of their rights to the property, though I wouldn't hold my breath. An Mi-6 land in Comcast's planned "Epic Universe" Theme Park in Orlando could make a great replacement for the now problematic Fantastic Beasts/Ministry of Magic land that was planned before. Additionally, weetening the deal for Comcast are a myriad other smaller-scale IPs and franchises that could help beef up their portfolio and generate lucrative TV or movie revivals; among them are Stargate: Atlantis, Teen Wolf, Rocky, Robocop, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, The Addams Family, Jump Street, Pink Panther, Legally Blonde, Carrie, Bill & Ted, and Poltergeist. Rights to adapt the musicals to film would also be taken; Dirty Rotten Scoundrel and Legally Blonde: The Musical are tantalizing possibilities. Tolkien properties like The Hobbit are presumably still tied up in rights tangles with New Line and the Saul Zaentz company, as well as Tolkien's estate. So far as I can tell, Zaentz owns merchandise, New Line has license for the film rights - but not necessarily/fully TV? - and the Tolkien estate own Theme Parks. Look, if MGM had sole rights, it'd be a Disney subsidiary by now. In terms of TV: Epix, I assume, would be on the chopping block. Steve Stark's MGM/UA Television appears built to be a prestige-outlet (Fargo, Perpetual Grace LTD, Vikings, Handmaid's Tale, though they're programming more sci-fi and general interest stuff like Clarice and Condor) and can thus complement the more genre/thriller-y UCP. By the same token, Orion TV would get retired. The dedicated formats division could be a component of Universal Alternative; Evolution Media, producer of Botched, can be kept as a separate division. Other assets, like Christian Film and TV producer Lightworkers, Live PD producer Big Fish, Mexican Media joint-venture Gato Grande, and Linear Channel Impact, can be sold. MGM Films could go either way, De Luca has a relaxed relationship with Donna Langley so I could see her protecting him for a while. The best case scenario for him IMO is a FOX 2000 type situation where the team is dedicated to producing a small slate of good, lower-mid budget movies that are intended for Oscar season. Trouble is, Fox 2000 had like, 16 employees including assistants, and MGM is a full-on studio, so the overhead's gonna be a lot higher. Distribution and Marketing would also presumably gonna get pink-slipped, unfortunately; unlike Disney, Universal has ample infrastructure for distributing those sorts of movies. Not helping him would be if any of MGM's movies bomb. Overall, I think MGM has a strong enough brand to where it'll survive as Universal's New Line Cinema, a smaller-scale division with occasionally unclear branding (ironically, De Luca was NLC's President of Production). I am, however, left wondering if execs like Pam Abdy would tolerate being in charge of a glorified boutique when they signed on to be part of a studio. Orion Pictures is in an awkward place in the case of a Uni merger. Their historical brand is as a genre outfit and said brand was revived in recent years with releases like the 2019 Child's Play and The Prodigy. However, they've recently pivoted to making it an outlet for underrepresented voices... but haven't had the chance to actually make that pivot public with some theatrical releases (or even projects). That leaves Langley and co with a choice regarding what to do Orion: keep it as a genre label, keep it as a minority-focused label, or retire it completely. Now the plus side is that the overhead is likely to be small; the downside is that unlike say, Sony, Uni has little patience for prodigious numbers of labels (hence how short-lived experiments like reviving Gramercy as a label were, and stuff like selling off Rogue Pictures), so that bodes ill for the continued survival of Orion. Uni also already programs tons of minority-focused movies in general, so it's unclear if the brand would stand out in the broader company. On the flipside of that, Universal's large number of minority-focused Overalls (Will Packer, Jordan Peele, Malcolm Lee, Eva Longoria, SpringHill, Justin Lin) could help feed Orion's pipeline; I would imagine people like Michael B. Jordan, Taika Waititi and The Rock being wooed over to a producer deal with Universal by the presence of a dedicated minority-voice division designed to put out passion projects related to their heritage. The real test of whether or not Uni would want to nurture Orion as that kind of brand would be if they put out the next Jordan Peele movie through them. Overall, it might be worth it to keep Orion around and see where it goes. If it doesn't work out, they can always just promote Alana Mayo as an EVP in Universal proper and retire the label completely. If Universal really wanted a genre label that badly, I would suggest taking a minority-stake in Blumhouse first.
the entire bee movie script According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BA did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time u going? BARRY Nowhere. I’m meeting a friend. Barry JUMPS off the balcony and EXITS. JANET BENSON (calling after him) A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON I just hope she’s Bee-ish. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 49. SEQ. 1700 - “STREETWALK/SUPERMARKET” EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP - DAY Vanessa FLIPS the sign to say “Sorry We Missed You”, and locks the door. ANGLE ON: A POSTER on Vanessa’s door for the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena. BARRY So they have a huge parade of just flowers every year in Pasadena? VANESSA Oh, to be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream. Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. BARRY Wow, a tournament. Do the roses actually compete in athletic events? VANESSA No. Alright, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? BARRY It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? VANESSA Hmmm. BARRY Isn’t that faster? VANESSA Yeah, okay. I see, I see. Alright, your turn. Barry and Vanessa walk/fly down a New York side street, no other pedestrians near them. BARRY Ah! Tivo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 50. VANESSA What, you don’t have anything like that? BARRY We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. VANESSA Oh my. They turn the corner onto a busier avenue and people start to swat at Barry. MAN Dumb bees! VANESSA You must just want to sting all those jerks. BARRY We really try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. VANESSA So you really have to watch your temper? They ENTER a SUPERMARKET. CUT TO: INT. SUPERMARKET BARRY Oh yeah, very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. You work through it like any emotion-- anger, jealousy, (under his breath) lust. Barry hops on top of some cardboard boxes in the middle of an aisle. A stock boy, HECTOR, whacks him with a rolled up magazine. VANESSA (to Barry) Oh my goodness. Are you okay? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 51. BARRY Yeah. Whew! Vanessa WHACKS Hector over the head with the magazine. VANESSA (to Hector) What is wrong with you?! HECTOR It’s a bug. VANESSA Well he’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep. Vanessa pushes him, and Hector EXITS, muttering. BARRY (shaking it off) What was that, a Pick and Save circular? VANESSA Yeah, it was. How did you know? BARRY It felt like about ten pages. Seventy-five’s pretty much our limit. VANESSA Boy, you’ve really got that down to a science. BARRY Oh, we have to. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. VANESSA I’ll bet. Barry stops, sees the wall of honey jars. BARRY What, in the name of Mighty Hercules, is this? How did this get here? Cute Bee? Golden Blossom? Ray Liotta Private Select? VANESSA Is he that actor? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 52. BARRY I never heard of him. Why is this here? VANESSA For people. We eat it. BARRY Why? (gesturing around the market) You don’t have enough food of your own? VANESSA Well yes, we-- BARRY How do you even get it? VANESSA Well, bees make it... BARRY I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s Heating and Cooling, and Stirring...you need a whole Krelman thing. VANESSA It’s organic. BARRY It’s our-ganic! VANESSA It’s just honey, Barry. BARRY Just...what?! Bees don’t know about this. This is stealing. A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, our schools, our hospitals. This is all we have. And it’s on sale? I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I’m going to get to the bottom of all of this! He RIPS the label off the Ray Liotta Private Select. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 53. SEQ. 1800 - “WINDSHIELD” EXT. BACK OF SUPERMARKET LOADING DOCK - LATER THAT DAY Barry disguises himself by blacking out his yellow lines with a MAGIC MARKER and putting on some war paint. He sees Hector, the stock boy, with a knife CUTTING open cardboard boxes filled with honey jars. MAN You almost done? HECTOR Almost. Barry steps in some honey, making a SNAPPING noise. Hector stops and turns. HECTOR (CONT’D) He is here. I sense it. Hector grabs his BOX CUTTER. Barry REACTS, hides himself behind the box again. HECTOR (CONT’D) (talking too loud, to no one in particular) Well, I guess I’ll go home now, and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. A BEAT. Hector pretends to exit. He takes a couple of steps in place. ANGLE ON: The honey jar. Barry steps out into a moody spotlight. BARRY You’re busted, box boy! HECTOR Ah ha! I knew I heard something. So, you can talk. Barry flies up, stinger out, pushing Hector up against the wall. As Hector backs up, he drops his knife. BARRY Oh, I can talk. And now you’re going to start talking. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 54. Where are you getting all the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier?! HECTOR I don’t know what you’re talking about. I thought we were all friends. The last thing we want to do is upset any of you...bees! Hector grabs a PUSHPIN. Barry fences with his stinger. HECTOR (CONT’D) You’re too late. It’s ours now! BARRY You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword. HECTOR You, sir, are about to be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Barry and Hector get into a cross-swords, nose-to-nose confrontation. BARRY Where is the honey coming from? Barry knocks the pushpin out of his hand. Barry puts his stinger up to Hector’s nose. BARRY (CONT'D) Tell me where?! HECTOR (pointing to a truck) Honey Farms. It comes from Honey Farms. ANGLE ON: A Honey Farms truck leaving the parking lot. Barry turns, takes off after the truck through an alley. He follows the truck out onto a busy street, dodging a bus, and several cabs. CABBIE Crazy person! He flies through a metal pipe on the top of a truck. BARRY OOOHHH! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 55. BARRY (CONT'D) Barry grabs onto a bicycle messenger’s backpack. The honey farms truck starts to pull away. Barry uses the bungee cord to slingshot himself towards the truck. He lands on the windshield, where the wind plasters him to the glass. He looks up to find himself surrounded by what appear to be DEAD BUGS. He climbs across, working his way around the bodies. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh my. What horrible thing has happened here? Look at these faces. They never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere. A MOSQUITO opens his eyes. MOOSEBLOOD Pssst! Just keep still. BARRY What? You’re not dead? MOOSEBLOOD Do I look dead? Hey man, they bee community is supporting you in this case, which is certain to be the trial of the bee century. BARRY Thank you, Larry. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world, too. BEE LARRY KING It’s a common name. Next week on Bee Larry King... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 66. BARRY No, I mean he looks like you. And he has a show with suspenders and different colored dots behind him. BEE LARRY KING Next week on Bee Larry King... BARRY Old guy glasses, and there’s quotes along the bottom from the guest you’re watching even though you just heard them... BEE LARRY KING Bear week next week! They’re scary, they’re hairy, and they’re here live. Bee Larry King EXITS. BARRY Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes... (lights go out) Very Jewish. CUT TO: SEQ. 2400 - “FLOWER SHOP” INT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - NIGHT Stacks of law books are piled up, legal forms, etc. Vanessa is talking with Ken in the other room. KEN Look, in tennis, you attack at the point of weakness. VANESSA But it was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. KEN Honey, her backhand’s a joke. I’m not going to take advantage of that? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 67. BARRY (O.C) Quiet please. Actual work going on here. KEN Is that that same bee? BARRY (O.C) Yes it is. VANESSA I’m helping him sue the human race. KEN What? Barry ENTERS. BARRY Oh, hello. KEN Hello Bee. Barry flies over to Vanessa. VANESSA This is Ken. BARRY Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size 10 1/2, Vibram sole I believe. KEN Why does he talk again, Hun? VANESSA (to Ken, sensing the tension) Listen, you’d better go because we’re really busy working. KEN But it’s our yogurt night. VANESSA (pushing him out the door) Oh...bye bye. She CLOSES the door. KEN Why is yogurt night so difficult?! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 68. Vanessa ENTERS the back room carrying coffee. VANESSA Oh you poor thing, you two have been at this for hours. BARRY Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. ANGLE ON: A EMPTY CINNABON BOX with Adam asleep inside, covered in frosting. VANESSA How many sugars? BARRY Just one. I try not to use the competition. So, why are you helping me, anyway? VANESSA Bees have good qualities. BARRY (rowing on the sugar cube like a gondola) Si, Certo. VANESSA And it feels good to take my mind off the shop. I don’t know why, instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. BARRY Yeah, those are great...if you’re 3. VANESSA And artificial flowers. BARRY (re: plastic flowers) Oh, they just get me psychotic! VANESSA Yeah, me too. BARRY The bent stingers, the pointless pollination. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 69. VANESSA Bees must hate those fake plastic things. BARRY There’s nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. VANESSA (holding up the lawsuit documents) Well, maybe this can make up for it a little bit. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP They EXIT the store, and cross to the mailbox. VANESSA You know Barry, this lawsuit is a pretty big deal. BARRY I guess. VANESSA Are you sure that you want to go through with it? BARRY Am I sure? (kicking the envelope into the mailbox) When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty. CUT TO: SEQ. 2700 - “MEET MONTGOMERY” EXT. MANHATTAN COURTHOUSE - DAY P.O.V SHOT - A camera feed turns on, revealing a newsperson. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 70. PRESS PERSON #2 (talking to camera) Sarah, it’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where all eyes and ears of the world are anxiously waiting, because for the first time in history, we’re going to hear for ourselves if a honey bee can actually speak. ANGLE ON: Barry, Vanessa, and Adam getting out of the cab. The press spots Barry and Vanessa and pushes in. Adam sits on Vanessa’s shoulder. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry, Vanessa, and Adam sit at the Plaintiff’s Table. VANESSA (turns to Barry) What have we gotten into here, Barry? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s pretty big, isn’t it? ADAM I can’t believe how many humans don’t have to be at work during the day. BARRY Hey, you think these billion dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS - CONTINUOUS A BIG BLACK CAR pulls up. ANGLE ON: the grill filling the frame. We see the “L.T.M” monogram on the hood ornament. The defense lawyer, LAYTON T. MONTGOMERY comes out, squashing a bug on the pavement. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 71. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry SHUDDERS. VANESSA What’s the matter? BARRY I don’t know. I just got a chill. Montgomery ENTERS. He walks by Barry’s table shaking a honey packet. MONTGOMERY Well, if it isn’t the B-Team. (re: the honey packet) Any of you boys work on this? He CHUCKLES. The JUDGE ENTERS. SEQ. 3000 - “WITNESSES” BAILIFF All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. JUDGE (shuffling papers) Alright...Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York. Barry Bee Benson vs. the honey industry, is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you are representing the five major food companies, collectively. ANGLE ON: Montgomery’s BRIEFCASE. It has an embossed emblem of an EAGLE, holding a gavel in one talon and a briefcase in the other. MONTGOMERY A privilege. JUDGE Mr. Benson. Barry STANDS. JUDGE (CONT’D) You are representing all bees of the world? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 72. Montgomery, the stenographer, and the jury lean in. CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS The spectators outside freeze. The helicopters angle forward to listen closely. CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE BARRY Bzzz bzzz bzzz...Ahh, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Yes, your honor. We are ready to proceed. ANGLE ON: Courtroom hub-bub. JUDGE And Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Montgomery rises. MONTGOMERY (grumbles, clears his throat) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we were to live in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what it would mean. Maybe I would have to negotiate with the silk worm for the elastic in my britches. Talking bee. How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion picture capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams, robotics, ventriloquism, cloning...for all we know he could be on steroids! Montgomery leers at Barry, who moves to the stand. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 73. JUDGE Mr. Benson? Barry makes his opening statement. BARRY Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. And as a bee, honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it, we make it, and we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take whatever they want from us cause we’re the little guys. And what I’m hoping is that after this is all over, you’ll see how by taking our honey, you’re not only taking away everything we have, but everything we are. ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling. ANGLE ON: The BEE GALLERY wiping tears away. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE Barry’s family is watching the case on TV. JANET BENSON Oh, I wish he would dress like that all the time. So nice... CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM - LATER JUDGE Call your first witness. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 74. INT. COURTHOUSE - LATER BARRY So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms. Pretty big company you have there? MR. VANDERHAYDEN I suppose so. BARRY And I see you also own HoneyBurton, and Hon-Ron. MR. VANDERHAYDEN Yes. They provide beekeepers for our farms. BARRY Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term, I have to say. I don’t imagine you employ any bee free-ers, do you? MR. VANDERHAYDEN No. BARRY I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you. MR. VANDERHAYDEN (louder) No. BARRY No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. And not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey? MR. VANDERHAYDEN Well, they’re very lovable creatures. Yogi-bear, Fozzy-bear, Build-a-bear. BARRY Yeah, you mean like this?! Vanessa and the SUPERINTENDANT from her building ENTER with a GIANT FEROCIOUS GRIZZLY BEAR. He has a neck collar and chains extending from either side. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 75. By pulling the chains, they bring him directly in front of Vanderhayden. The bear LUNGES and ROARS. BARRY (CONT'D) Bears kill bees! How would you like his big hairy head crashing into your living room? Biting into your couch, spitting out your throwpillows...rowr, rowr! The bear REACTS. BEAR Rowr!! BARRY Okay, that’s enough. Take him away. Vanessa and the Superintendant pull the bear out of the courtroom. Vanderhayden TREMBLES. The judge GLARES at him. CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM- A LITTLE LATER Barry questions STING. BARRY So, Mr. Sting. Thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me, I have to say. Where have I heard it before? STING I was with a band called "The Police". BARRY But you've never been a police officer of any kind, have you? STING No, I haven't. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 76. BARRY No, you haven’t. And so, here we have yet another example of bee culture being casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. STING Oh please. BARRY Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say, (looking in folder) Mr. Gordon M. Sumner? The jury GASPS. MONTGOMERY (to his aides) That’s not his real name? You idiots! CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE- LATER BARRY Mr. Liotta, first may I offer my belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on E.R. in 2005. LIOTTA Thank you. Thank you. Liotta LAUGHS MANIACALLY. BARRY I also see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome, but with a churning inner turmoil that’s always ready to blow. LIOTTA I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 77. BARRY Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you, Mr. Liotta? Exploiting tiny helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part, and learn your lines, Sir? LIOTTA Watch it Benson, I could blow right now. BARRY This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! LIOTTA (exploding, trying to smash Barry with the Emmy) Why doesn’t someone just step on this little creep and we can all go home? You’re all thinking it. Say it! JUDGE Order! Order in this courtroom! A MONTAGE OF NEWSPAPER HEADLINES FOLLOWS: NEW YORK POST: “Bees to Humans: Buzz Off”. NEW YORK TELEGRAM: “Sue Bee”. DAILY VARIETY: “Studio Dumps Liotta Project. Slams Door on Unlawful Entry 2.” CUT TO: SEQ. 3175 - “CANDLELIGHT DINNER” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT Barry and Vanessa are having a candle light dinner. Visible behind Barry is a “LITTLE MISSY” SET BOX, with the flaps open. BARRY Well, I just think that was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 78. VANESSA I’m telling you, I think the jury’s on our side. BARRY Are we doing everything right...you know, legally? VANESSA I’m a florist. BARRY Right, right. Barry raises his glass. BARRY (CONT’D) Well, here’s to a great team. VANESSA To a great team. They toast. Ken ENTERS KEN Well hello. VANESSA Oh...Ken. BARRY Hello. VANESSA I didn’t think you were coming. KEN No, I was just late. I tried to call. But, (holding his cell phone) the battery... VANESSA I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily he was free. BARRY Yeah. KEN (gritting his teeth) Oh, that was lucky. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 79. VANESSA Well, there’s still a little left. I could heat it up. KEN Yeah, heat it up. Sure, whatever. Vanessa EXITS. Ken and Barry look at each other as Barry eats. BARRY So, I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. I find the ball a little grabby. KEN That’s where I usually sit. Right there. VANESSA (O.C) Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that “eating with chopsticks” isn’t really a special skill. KEN (to Barry) You think I don’t see what you’re doing? BARRY Hey look, I know how hard it is trying to find the right job. We certainly have that in common. KEN Do we? BARRY Well, bees have 100% employment, of course. But we do jobs like taking the crud out. KEN That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken holds his table knife up. It slips out of his hand. He goes under the table to pick it up. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 80. VANESSA Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was alright. Ken hits his head on the table. BARRY I’m going to go drain the old stinger. KEN Yeah, you do that. Barry EXITS to the bathroom, grabbing a small piece of a VARIETY MAGAZINE on the way. BARRY Oh, look at that. Ken slams the champagne down on the table. Ken closes his eyes and buries his face in his hands. He grabs a magazine on the way into the bathroom. SEQ. 2800 - “BARRY FIGHTS KEN” INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS Ken ENTERS, closes the door behind him. He’s not happy. Barry is washing his hands. He glances back at Ken. KEN You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. BARRY What’s that? KEN Italian Vogue. BARRY Mamma Mia, that’s a lot of pages. KEN It’s a lot of ads. BARRY Remember what Van said. Why is your life any more valuable than mine? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 81. KEN It’s funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! Ken WHACKS at Barry with the magazine. He misses and KNOCKS EVERYTHING OFF THE VANITY. Ken grabs a can of AIR FRESHENER. KEN (CONT'D) I think something stinks in here. He sprays at Barry. BARRY I love the smell of flowers. KEN Yeah? How do you like the smell of flames? Ken lights the stream. BARRY Not as much. Barry flies in a circle. Ken, trying to stay with him, spins in place. ANGLE ON: Flames outside the bathroom door. Ken slips on the Italian Vogue, falls backward into the shower, pulling down the shower curtain. The can hits him in the head, followed by the shower curtain rod, and the rubber duck. Ken reaches back, grabs the handheld shower head. He whips around, looking for Barry. ANGLE ON: A WATERBUG near the drain. WATERBUG Waterbug. Not taking sides. Barry is on the toilet tank. He comes out from behind a shampoo bottle, wearing a chapstick cap as a helmet. BARRY Ken, look at me! I’m wearing a chapstick hat. This is pathetic. ANGLE ON: Ken turning the hand shower nozzle from “GENTLE”, to “TURBO”, to “LETHAL”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 82. KEN I’ve got issues! Ken fires the water at Barry, knocking him into the toilet. The items from the vanity (emory board, lipstick, eye curler, etc.) are on the toilet seat. Ken looks down at Barry. KEN (CONT'D) Well well well, a royal flush. BARRY You’re bluffing. KEN Am I? Ken flushes the toilet. Barry grabs the Emory board and uses it to surf. He puts his hand in the water while he’s surfing. Some water splashes on Ken. BARRY Surf’s up, dude! KEN Awww, poo water! He does some skate board-style half-pipe riding. Barry surfs out of the toilet. BARRY That bowl is gnarly. Ken tries to get a shot at him with the toilet brush. KEN Except for those dirty yellow rings. Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA Kenneth! What are you doing? KEN You know what? I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! VANESSA We need to talk! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 83. She pulls Ken out by his ear. Ken glares at Barry. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS VANESSA He’s just a little bee. And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time. KEN Long time? What are you talking about? Are there other bugs in your life? VANESSA No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! KEN Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...my nerves are fried from riding on this emotional rollercoaster. VANESSA Goodbye, Ken. KEN Augh! VANESSA Whew! Ken EXITS, then re-enters frame. KEN And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners, made by man! He EXITS again. The DOOR SLAMS behind him. VANESSA (to Barry) I’m sorry about all that. Ken RE-ENTERS. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 84. KEN I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! BARRY (re: Ken) I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. (puts his hands in his pockets) I couldn’t overcome it. Oh well. VANESSA Are you going to be okay for the trial tomorrow? BARRY Oh, I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. CUT TO: SEQ. 3300 - “ADAM STINGS MONTY” INT. COURTROOM - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: Medium shot of Montgomery standing at his table. MONTGOMERY We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. ADAM (whispering to Vanessa) Now that’s a good idea. (to Barry) You can really see why he’s considered one of the very best lawyers-- Oh. Barry rolls his eyes. He gets up, takes the stand. A juror in a striped shirt APPLAUDS. MR. GAMMIL (whispering) Layton, you’ve got to weave some magic with this jury, or it’s going to be all over. Montgomery is holding a BOOK, “The Secret Life of Bees”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 85. MONTGOMERY (confidently whispering) Oh, don’t worry Mr. Gammil. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. (to Gammil) You got the tweezers? Mr. Gammil NODS, and pats his breast pocket. MR. GAMMIL Are you allergic? MONTGOMERY Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Montgomery approaches the stand. MONTGOMERY (CONT’D) Mr. Benson Bee. I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? Montgomery points to Vanessa. BARRY We’re friends. MONTGOMERY Good friends? BARRY Yes. MONTGOMERY (softly in Barry’s face) How good? BARRY What? MONTGOMERY Do you live together? BARRY Wait a minute, this isn’t about-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 86. MONTGOMERY Are you her little... (clearing throat) ... bed bug? BARRY (flustered) Hey, that’s not the kind of-- MONTGOMERY I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. Now, from what I understand, doesn’t your Queen give birth to all the bee children in the hive? BARRY Yeah, but-- MONTGOMERY So those aren’t even your real parents! ANGLE ON: Barry’s parents. MARTIN BENSON Oh, Barry. BARRY Yes they are! ADAM Hold me back! Vanessa holds him back with a COFFEE STIRRER. Montgomery points to Barry’s parents. MONTGOMERY You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you Benson? ADAM He’s denouncing bees! All the bees in the courtroom start to HUM. They’re agitated. MONTGOMERY And don’t y’all date your cousins? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 87. VANESSA (standing, letting go of Adam) Objection! Adam explodes from the table and flies towards Montgomery. ADAM I’m going to pin cushion this guy! Montgomery turns around and positions himself by the judge’s bench. He sticks his butt out. Montgomery winks at his team. BARRY Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Adam shoves Barry out of the way. Adam STINGS Montgomery in the butt. The jury REACTS, aghast. MONTGOMERY Ow! I’m hit! Oh, lordy, I am hit! The judge BANGS her gavel. JUDGE Order! Order! Please, Mr. Montgomery. MONTGOMERY The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a wing-ed beast of destruction. You see? You can’t treat them like equals. They’re strip-ed savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! ANGLE ON: Adam, collapsed on the floor. Barry rushes to his side. BARRY Adam, stay with me. ADAM I can’t feel my legs. Montgomery falls on the Bailiff. BAILIFF Take it easy. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 88. MONTGOMERY Oh, what angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? The JURY recoils. JUDGE Please, I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! FADE TO: SEQ. 3400 - “ADAM AT HOSPITAL” INT. HOSPITAL - STREET LEVEL ROOM - DAY PRESS PERSON #1 (V.O) The case of the honey bees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday, when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Now here’s Don with the 5-day. A NURSE lets Barry into the room. Barry CARRIES a FLOWER. BARRY Thank you. Barry stands over Adam, in a bed. Barry lays the flower down next to him. The TV is on. BARRY (CONT'D) Hey buddy. ADAM Hey. BARRY Is there much pain? Adam has a BEE-SIZED PAINKILLER HONEY BUTTON near his head that he presses. ADAM (pressing the button) Yeah...I blew the whole case, didn’t I? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 89. BARRY Oh, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is you’re alive. You could have died. ADAM I’d be better off dead. Look at me. Adam THROWS the blanket off his lap, revealing a GREEN SANDWICH SWORD STINGER. ADAM (CONT’D) (voice cracking) They got it from the cafeteria, they got it from downstairs. In a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. BARRY What was it like to sting someone? ADAM I can’t explain it. It was all adrenaline...and then...ecstasy. Barry looks at Adam. BARRY Alright. ADAM You think that was all a trap? BARRY Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us, we’re just a couple of bugs in this world. ADAM What do you think the humans will do to us if they win? BARRY I don’t know. ADAM I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 90. BARRY Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out. Adam GULPS. ADAM Oh my. ANGLE ON: the hospital window. We see THREE PEOPLE smoking outside on the sidewalk. The smoke drifts in. Adam COUGHS. ADAM (CONT’D) Say, could you get a nurse to close that window? BARRY Why? ADAM The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. BARRY Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. Adam, that’s it! That’s our case. Adam starts putting his clothes on. ADAM It is? It’s not over? BARRY No. Get up. Get dressed. I’ve got to go somewhere. You get back the court and stall. Stall anyway you can. CUT TO: SEQ. 3500 - “SMOKING GUN” INT. COURTROOM - THE NEXT DAY Adam is folding a piece of paper behind him as they zoom into the park. BARRY (to Splitz) Beautiful day to fly. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 130. JACKSON Sure is. BARRY Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. FADE OUT: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 131. Comments You do not have permission to add comments.
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