The NBA season is nearly over: be it 1, 2, or 3 more games left. With the offseason looming around the corner, we've been looking ahead with our OFFSEASON BLUEPRINT series. In each entry, we preview some big decisions and make some recommendations for plans of attack along the way.
Like the NBA, we've officially come to the end of the road and to our final team, the Los Angeles Lakers.
step one: know it will never be All Quiet on the Western Front
The Los Angeles Lakers have plenty of fans, but also plenty of people who enjoy watching them struggle (some even run their own sports websites.) It feels like they've been a punching bag for almost a decade now. Even when the team landed a coup and signed LeBron James, there were plenty of skeptics and haters picking at the roster and fanning the flames of front office tension. Even when the team followed that up with a trade for Anthony Davis, there were STILL doubters and haters camped at the gates.
At the end of the day, LeBron James and company only had one way to shut them up: win.
Now, no one can criticize them anymore. Whatever they did to get here -- it worked. LeBron James deserves a huge amount of credit for this presumptive title (no offense, Miami) but there's plenty to go around. Anthony Davis reminded the world that he's a friggin' beast. Frank Vogel did a great job getting the defense to play on a string, especially on the perimeter. The maligned bench with Rajon Rondo, Markieff Morris, and Kyle Kuzma even stepped up in a major way on the road to the Finals.
While the team may be drenched with champagne by the time you read this, they still won't be satisfied. LeBron James went back to Cleveland to win a title. He didn't go to L.A. and recruit Anthony Davis to win a title. He wants to win multiple titles. He may get his 4th ring after this year, which means he'll only be 2 away from catching Michael Jordan. If he can do that, then there won't be any doubt about his GOAT status. And honestly, it's possible. James still looks like a top 5 player (if not 1 overall), and Anthony Davis is in the heart of his prime. With a decent supporting cast around them, they're going to be in title contention for the next two or three years.
However, the Lakers can't get complacent. They deserved this title, but they didn't exactly beat Murderers' Row to get here. In fact, their playoff opponents had the weakest seed value and weakest W-L percentage of any title team since 2000. Next season may be tougher sledding. The L.A. Clippers could be a real threat with better coaching and better rotations. The Milwaukee Bucks could be a real threat with better health. Health permitting, the Brooklyn Nets have the star power and the depth to be a force themselves. It's going to be a dogfight next season. The Lakers still may be the top dogs in that fight, but they're going to have to scrape and claw to get that bone again.
step two: convince your free agents that It's a Wonderful Life
LeBron James is a champion for player empowerment, but that concept is going to put his L.A. Lakers in a precarious position this offseason. Some decisions with be out of their hands. The team has an inordinate amount of player options for next season, with 5 separate players having the right to opt "in" or "out" of their contracts. Let's take a look at each of those one individually.
The most important, of course, will be Anthony Davis. He has the choice whether to opt in to his $28.7M salary. It's weird to say, but $28.7M is a bargain. Davis is a 27-year-old superstar. He deserves the new max and then some. From the Lakers' perspective, the only question will be timing the extension in the best interest of Davis and the team as a whole. If they wait until next offseason to give him a full max, they may have some more wiggle room in salary to bring in extra free agents (in Offseason 2021, not Offseason 2020.) Perhaps they can convince AD to wait until then to accrue more years. At the same time, uncertainty isn't their friend. If the Lakers disappoint next season and LeBron James hits a wall (unlikely, but theoretically possible) then perhaps Davis doesn't want to stay tethered to this older roster for the long haul. Perhaps his relationship with James -- great now -- bleeds into resentment over time. Who the heck knows. Superstar pairings don't always end with "happily ever after." Even that remote concern would make me push for a max extension for AD ASAP.
The second most important player option will be Kentavious Caldwell-Pope. When the Lakers first signed them, it raised some eyebrows and potential tampering conspiracy theories. These days, his $8.5M player option looks like a good value. KCP shot well this year and played hard on defense. Effectively, he looked like the player that Danny Green was supposed to be. Your hope here is that the Lakers have built enough goodwill with KCP and his representatives to make this a friendly negotiation. Whether that means he opts in, or whether that means he signs a long-term deal, it's a relationship that needs to continue.
step three: but convince others to ride off like Shane
Conversely, there are a few player options that the team may try to talk players out of taking. Avery Bradley missed the bubble for personal reasons, but the Lakers' backcourt did just fine without him. At this stage in their careers, Alex Caruso is probably better at the 3+D guard role. Still, it's going to be up to Bradley whether to return or not. He can opt in to his $5.0M player option. The value is OK in the broadest sense, but perhaps the Lakers are rooting for him to test the market elsewhere. The Lakers should take a hard line here and not offer him extra years; if Bradley leaves to chase a long-term deal, so be it. If he opts in, he may be used as a potential trade chip.
Meanwhile, JaVale McGee has a $4.2M player option himself. McGee started 68/68 games in the regular season, but he didn't always look like their best option in the playoffs. As he ages (now 32), he'll continue to struggle with certain matchups. I don't think McGee can match that $4M anywhere else, so trying to convince him to opt out may be a losing proposition. Again, if McGee opts in, then the Lakers need to consider utilizing his salary as a potential trade piece.
Some of those decisions -- whether they want to keep Avery Bradley and JaVale McGee -- may hinge on some other free agents on the team. Backup PG Rajon Rondo has his own player option of $2.7M. All season long, I'd been talking about Rondo as a potential liability for the team. Instead, he justified some of that "Playoff Rondo" talk. Between Rondo and Caruso, you'd prefer Caruso getting extended minutes. Between Rondo and Bradley, it's more of a debate. Rondo deserves more than $2.7M, so I expect him to opt out. Presumably, he appreciates the role and limelight here in L.A. and wouldn't play hardball. If he's amenable to a short-term, reasonable deal, then you'd want to keep him in house. If his playoff hype spirals into outsized offers (anything over $6M or so) then you should thank him for his service and wish him well.
The Lakers should treat backup C Dwight Howard (an unrestricted free agent) in a similar way. Now 34, he's become a role player. Moreover, his role -- as the more traditional center -- is no longer a valuable one either. Still, he's pretty good at that role -- arguably better than JaVale McGee. The team shouldn't over-invest in this one-two punch though. If Howard wants to re-sign for a bargain basement deal, great. If he expects a mid-sized contract or an extra year, then he may be on the move again. For both Rondo and Howard, I'd stand firm on 1 year deals. However, the team can potentially add in "team option" years on top of that. The purpose would be less to entice them into staying and more to make them potential trade chips (in terms of salary matching) later on down the road.
The Lakers will have more free agents to discuss. Markieff Morris is an interesting one; he looked like a shell of himself after some injuries, but he showed signs of life in the postseason. If that's legit, then he could potentially be a good rotational player for the team (when they go "small" with AD at the 5.) The verdict from team doctors will be crucial to determining his value. Alternatively, vets like J.R. Smith and Dion Waiters don't appear to have any value at all. Fortunately, they don't have player options either.
step four: solve the mystery of The Third Man
All season long, we heard that the Lakers would need a third star to emerge if they were going to win the title. Kyle Kuzma never got there, but it didn't matter. Perhaps we've just defaulted into a more familiar era of the NBA. Shaq and Kobe won without another "star." Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen won without another "star" (Dennis Rodman was more of an ultra role player.) With Kevin Durant removed from Golden State, perhaps the bar has been lowered back to reasonable heights for NBA title teams.
Still, the Lakers need to figure out who Kyle Kuzma is, and what his role should be. He averaged 16-6 as a rookie, but showed some signs of a "good stats / bad team" kind of player. That fear hasn't gone away. Since then, Kuzma's shot 30% and 32% from three over the following two years, and played poor defense overall. ESPN real plus/minus metric graded him as a -0.4 and -0.7 defensive impact, while box plus/minus had him at -1.2 and -1.0. That same BPM metric graded him below replacement level overall (-0.2 VORP).
Kuzma has played OK in these playoffs, but he hasn't had a major role. In fact, his minutes per game is down to 23.2 in the postseason so far, with 0 starts drawn. It's clear that Frank Vogel and the team don't believe he's the 3rd best player on the team. He may not even be the 4th or 5th best player.
You may ask: who cares? Kuzma isn't a world beater, but the Lakers beat the world anyway. Still, it's an important question hanging over their heads. Kuzma is under contract for one more year, and then will enter restricted free agency (at a time when they will be a lot of cap space out there.) Based on name value, he's going to get a decent contract.
If the Lakers don't believe he's worth decent money, it may be time to trade him now. (Realistically, the time to trade him was last offseason, but what can ya do.) Kuzma's $3.5M salary is easy to move, and the team can attach other contracts like McGee, Bradley, and Quinn Cook ($3M) to match a deal anywhere from the $3M-$15M range if need be.
What can the Lakers get for Kuzma on the open market? It's hard to tell. He's a polarizing name, so it may depend on whether their trade partner reads reddit or not. I'd call up Detroit and ask about Luke Kennard. If Houston's blowing it up, I'd ask about Robert Covington. If Minnesota's locked into Anthony Edwards at # 1, maybe they'd be open to trading Malik Beasley in a sign and trade. If you want to play dirty, you can tell Portland that Gary Trent Jr. (newest client of Klutch) is going to sign with the Lakers next season no matter what, so they may as well recoup something for him now. Fair? Ethical? Ehh. But hey, it's proven to be effective before.
step five: encourage others to hunt for the Treasure of the Sierra Madre
The Lakers don't have much cap space this offseason, but that's not a major problem. They're not going to have to list job openings on monster.com -- available players are going to flock to them. The most obvious reason to join the Lakers would be to chase rings. However, it goes deeper than that. There's not a lot of teams with cap space this offseason, but there are plenty with space next season.
If you're a free agent who's not getting a lot of attention, there's one great way to get attention: play with LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers. You can inflate your stock for next offseason, when hopefully you cash in.
If I ran the Lakers, my first call would be to a veteran like Darren Collison. Collison took the season off to pursue his faith, but reportedly he may return next year. If so, he'd be a dream fit for this Lakers' rotation. Collison can run the point when LeBron James rests, but he can also serve as a complementary spacer. The former UCLA standout has become a very reliable shooter -- hitting over 40% from deep in his last four seasons. He's undersized and sometimes outmatched on D, but the team has Alex Caruso ready to match up with bigger guards. Collison's skill set would merit $10+ million in a good market, but perhaps NBA teams are going to want to see him "prove it" after his extended absence. If that's the case, the Lakers can thank their lucky stars and Jehovah for delivering him into their laps.
Other veterans who may be drawn to the Lakers like a moth to the flame would include: the underrated E'Twaun Moore (NO) and likable vet Courtney Lee (DAL). Moe Harkless (NYK) could probably get more elsewhere, but he may decide to bet on himself and inflate his price for next season.
Since Anthony Davis still prefers playing PF, depth at center will be more important for the Lakers than other teams. As mentioned, JaVale McGee will probably be back (barring a trade) and Dwight Howard may be as well. If not, the team could try to recruit a player who wants to boost their stock. Nerlens Noel (OKC) could benefit from the spotlight like that; better yet, his agent happens to be some dude named Rich Paul.
Overall, the Lakers need to keep pushing and trying to improve, be it through free agency, through trades, or through the draft (where they have the # 28 pick.) This team may have been good enough to win the title, but as mentioned, one title isn't going to satisfy this star, this team, and this fan base. Hollywood's all about excess, and the goal will be to overindulge over the next few years.
other offseason blueprints
ATL, BKN, BOS, CHA, CHI, CLE, DAL, DEN, DET, HOU, IND, GS, LAC, MEM, MIA, MIL, MIN, NO, NYK, OKC, ORL, PHI, PHX, POR, SA, SAC, TOR, UTA, WAS

Rolan Garros Men's Singles Round 1 Matchup featuring jaguars & potatos

Another tournament another app to download. Goot-bye US Open app. Another week of typing F into google chrome before realizing the site starts with an R. The French are classy. But who was Roland Garros? Was he, a fictitious dragon who ruled over the Alps and the Bay of Biscay and all that lay in between? Or was he a French aviator and pilot during World War I? Over the next two weeks, we’ll get to the bottom of this. I know which way I’m leaning.
PS that is Querrey in the photo if you're on mobile, not me
Djokovic Ymer : Novak’s biggest win at the French Open is having Thiem and Nadal on the opposite side of the draw. A healthy reward for the #1 player in the world, and one that will mean a very wide open draw and a very enjoyable snackathon while he watches the other semifinal. Novak, or Snack Attack as he’s known to his close friends and family, will be hungies for this one after a very odd day of frustration against Carreño Busta at the US Open led to a disqualification. Novak won the Rome event with relative ease and is as close to a frontrunner as someone other than Nadal can be at this event.
Ymer has been steadily improving but is still at the top of the challenger level when it comes to clay. This won’t be close, but it’s good to see Ymer stringing together a few seasons of appearances in the majors. Djokovic in 3.
Berankas Dellien : Ricardas Berankas may be closer than he appears. After a good hardcourt mini-swing, Berankas has been absent from the clay warmups. He’s never really been the best on clay although he plays a solid baseline game, and this mostly because while he’s consistent, he struggles to hit through the court on slower surfaces. Dellien on the other hand, does his best work on clay. He’s been losing matches you’d expect him to have a better chance in and hasn’t had many bright points leading up to the break. With Djokovic in the next round and Berankis on his worst surface with minimal warmup, this is a must-win for Dellien. He’s struggled to find the finish line but he’ll have ample chances here, and his defending is similar to Munar’s in terms of lockdown baselining Dellien in 4 or he is likely headed off the tour.
Galan Norrie : This is a brilliant opportunity for Daniel. He’s been hinting at a big run on clay and overcoming a lot of the gatekeepers of the challenger tour, but a lot of third set losses have plagued him, and while it’s considered a short stretch of tour, the clay events are deep with talent. Norrie has ventured to the South American swing once or twice, with relatively poor results. He can be a frustrating opponents at his peak, but his backhand doesn’t get through the court well and he’s just a bit inconsistent with results. He’ll still be a favorite here because playing in the spotlight in a major is something that takes time to adjust to, but Galan will make it close and could eke out a win since he’s still a developing player. Galan in 5.
Sandgren Hurkacz : Sandgren hasn’t had a terrible time on the dirt this year, qualifying for events the last two weeks and unfortunately running into guys who are simply better than him. Almost beating Caruso is a great step, and a year ago that would make him a bit of a favorite to beat Hurkacz. Those of us who watched his matches with Rublev and Schwartzman saw a different Hurkacz from the inconsistent but promising server that’s been exhausting bettors while losing after winning the first set time and time again. Hurkacz was hitting very clean and generating winners relatively easily, and while his serve left him late against Diego, playing a returner like that in a long match will do that to you.
Sandgren and Hurkacz will both be hitting a heavy ball here and looking to hold behind big serves, but one of them has had higher level success in the past few weeks, and I think Hubert, or “Hubert”, as he’s known down at the ‘ol library, has the better serve and bigger groundstrokes. Hurkacz in 3-4, and please when you look at Hurkacz picture him wearing glasses and looking up from his wooden table anytime someone coughs across the room.
Garin Kohlschreiber : This is a good start for Garin, whose physical state is somewhat dependent on Tsitspas. A finals appearance on Saturday will make for a tough turnaround, but I don’t think he’ll withdraw from a major, and given Kohl’s loss to a super-hampered Fognini last week a little bit of fatigue won’t be too much of an issue. That being said, Garin’s game is largely dependent on physical effort and being a ball machine. I would say it’s split 95% that, and 5% having elegant hair. Kohlschreiber won’t just disappear and if Garin is a ghost of himself, he’ll lose, but that’ll be a big dip in level in a short period of time, and the fatigue I expect to hurt Garin’s run at the French is more of a 3rd-4th round type of struggle. Garin in 4.
Humbert Polmans : Polmans name backwards is Snamlop, and that’s important because it’s now the second thing you know about his clay game. Polmans wears a hunting cap and plays a very energetic and consistent game. In normal circumstances he’d have a puncher’s chance, and the lucky losers in tour events are classic for pulling a number of upsets (like Bublik this week) but this is not the spot. Humbert played great in Hamburg and lost early enough that he’ll have a few days to travel and get ready for RG. Humbert in 3.
Vesely Broady : These two will be very happy to play each other first round. Vesely has only just started to eke out wins on this clay swing and Broady has just qualified for the first time, beating Polmans and Kuhn along the way. These aren’t the type of wins that suggest he’ll beat Vesely, but Vesely’s struggles are the kind of thing that could see lower-tier players reel him in. I expect Broady’s timing to be a bit better than Vesely’s to start as he’s had a few matches on these courts, but Vesely really is a tour level player at the end of the day, so I believe both players will have some difficulty pulling away here. Someone in 5. The Vesely that lost to Vukic in a challenger loses. The Vesely that played a decent match against Humbert wins.
Majchrzak Khachanov : If you got into a car accident with a basket full of the alphabet, you miiiiiiiiight get this combination of letters. Kamil just won a challenger in Prostejov, beating some quality players and Andujar in the finals. Everyone who knows Andujar knows he was raised with jaguars, and wins two titles in a row every year then disappears. Majchrzak interrupting this is a very brave feat, but also one that means this isn’t the one-way traffic that a Khachanov Majchrzak match normal would be. The problem for Kamil has been distancing himself against mid-tier opponents, and that is exactly what Khachanov big hitting and aggressive serving have done. Karen struggled against Lajovic last week, but that’s a puzzle he hasn’t solved yet, and likely won’t impact his performance here. He’s got a better shot at excelling in the big moments, and outlasting Kamil’s steady play. Khachanov in 4-5.
Baustista Agut Gasquet : This is a sleeper of a great match. The way Gasquet moves around the court in between points is deceptive given how well he covers the court, and his game looks a bit more devoted to flair than it is to hitting winners. Still, his results over the past decade have been brilliant and his serving is sneaky good at times. Zero warmup matches leading into this is the polar opposite of RBA’s commitment to getting in hard yards on the surface, and that’ll be a big edge for RBA. Not his best surface (I’ll stop harping on this eventually), but RBA is playing some good ball and Gasquet is half a question mark heading into this week. Playing at home and not sporting any visual injury means Gasquet won’t just disappear, but I think rust will be a factor. RBA in 4-5.
Uchiyama Balasz : Uchiyama is most famous for being the inspiration for that Nas song, but his second claim to fame is being a helluva tennis player. Many bettors had genuine panic attacks in his first round loss to PCB in last month’s US Open, and having that fresh in their minds could lead them astray here. Attila Balasz is one of the pure clay specialists on tour, and plays a very unique style of tennis. Tons of dropshots, a strangely effective but flailing backhand, and an affinity for hitting forehand winners from 10 feet behind the baseline are on display from him, as well as one of the best kick serves you’ll see. Given Uchiyama got the business from Duckworth last week, this should be a W for Balasz, who can trouble the winner of RBA/Gasquet but likely can’t win. Balasz in 3.
Pella Caruso : Pella has allegedly been diagnosed with Morton’s neuroma, which is an inflamed nerve in the metatarsal region of the foot. I’ve dealt with nerve issues in the metatarsals after breaking a toe recently, and it is the strangest thing. It’s nonstop pain, even when you’re sitting down, but you can still train. Your foot feels like it’s on fire, but you can still walk and you know nothing is wrong. I’m not sure what treatment he’s getting for it, but the stop and start aspect of tennis is going to really preclude him from doing much on tour while this is an issue, and I believe that’s what is leading to his subpar results since the restart.
Caruso on the other hand has become a household name lately, and although he’s done better on hardcourt than clay in the restart, this is a winnable match for him. I’m just not sold on Pella’s physical ability, and Caruso has the power to break down what is normally a rock-solid defense. Caruso in 3. Disclaimer : There’s a big tendency amongst gamblers to jump on lines because they think they have some injury info. Just keep in mind, the information the general public has is always less than what the books have. If anything, a question mark about an injury is a good reason to avoid betting on a match at all.
Millman Carreño Busta : For a while I thought Millman had a knack for drawing guys he’d have a real war with, but it’s just his style. He doesn’t serve aces but he has a decent serve. He doesn’t hit winners but he swings for the fences on the forehand. He doesn’t have much of a backhand but he puts it in play in decent spots. It’s just very difficult for Millman to overwhelm anyone, and very difficult for players to create offense against what he offers. PCB didn’t look great against Nadal, but two weeks of rest will have him in good shape to compete here. I do expect him to make a decent run at this event, and this is a good test to see where his game is at after a huge payday in the USO. PCB is a professional, but I don’t put it past him to struggle to find form/motivation for a while. PCB in 4-5.
Struff Tiafoe : This is the first line I’ll mention. Tiafoe comes in at +170 for this match, which is much closer than I’d set it. Tiafoe isn’t really a productive player on clay, and lost to local hero Musetti in a challenger last week. Struff blew up with a big lead in the third against Khachanov, and lost quickly in Rome as well, but he’s had some great clay results, and I expect him to come through very well here. The Tiafoe we saw at the USO may be a repeat appearance, but this would be the best win of his career on the dirt, so the line (especially after his loss to Musetti) makes me wary. Struff in 4.
Altmaier Lopez : Altmeir is a challenger level player with a big claycourt game. He plays pretty exclusively on the dirt, and while Lopez is a great server, he may take an L here. Altmaier came through qualifying fairly easily, and Lopez is a wildcard for his effort level and service efficiency, but I’d rather back a qualifier in-form than a maybe of an offensive veteran on a slow surface. Altmaier in 4.
Harris Popyrin : This is a nice matchup, as both of these guys wouldn’t be expect to make the 2nd round at RG very often. I’ve been big on Popyrin’s game in the past, but Harris has had the better win in recent times on clay, beating Caruso in two straight. This will largely be decided by serves, and in the interest of honesty, I haven’t watched many of their recent matches. Popyrin was better for a time, but that seems to have flipped. Someone with their hat backwards in 4.
Pospisil Berretini : Oddsmakers have set the games total for this at 32, which given Pospisil’s serve is a bit low. Vasek is by no means a great clay player, and Berretini is going to make quick work of this, but I do think Pospisil will keep him on court for at least two hours. Berretini in 3.
Medvedev Fucsovics : Spooky line for this one, with Medvedev (who regularly comes in at -1000 against solid opponents) only a 4 to 1 favorite here. Fucsovics hasn’t played any clay warmups and although Med lost to Humbert it was a side event and Humbert played lights out tennis. I guess the premise we’re going with here is that Medvedev’s style isn’t great on clay, but I think he’ll have a good event here as he was a bit more impatient than usual against Humbert. Medvedev in 4.
Mannarino Ramos-Vinolas : If you like lefties who’ve been on tour forever and never change their game, this is the match for you. Local robot ARV has had a disappointing start to his clay season, courtesy of an unexplainably good Bublik. He’s the type of player who generally needs a bit more time to work the point, and doesn’t go for clean winners very often. A bit like a more defensive version of Delbonis, ARV will have a good chance here to get a win. Mannarino has potential to make this close because ARV hasn’t been winning and that mental state is sometimes a difficult hurdle. He’ll also be playing at home which has historically been a huge boost for French players. It’ll depend largely on the condition of ARV’s game, but it will be difficult given Mannarino’s controlled game and ARV’s defense for either player to pull away. ARV in 5.
Halys Giron : These guys just aren’t that good, but they’re in a great section of the draw. Halys has been hanging around the challenger tour, but hasn’t made a great deal of impact. Giron has had a more impressive stretch of wins on tour, but none of them have come on clay. The crowd will help Halys, and I think he’s a bit more comfortable on clay, but Giron is the better player at the end of the day. Not a lot to separate these two. Giron in 5.
Querrey Rublev : I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about Querrey. It’s easy to say he’s washed up or he doesn’t care or he’s only good on grass and fast hardcourt. What’s difficult to do though is to remember that he did this : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4ICHm96chw&ab_channel=TennisWizard
That is all. Rublev might be coming off a title win, and the courts will be slower, but Querrey’s work on this planet is already complete. Rublev in 4. PS an anonymous source has recently informed me that Rublev’s house in Russia is actually structured like a hamster emporium and he wears a cape and refers to himself only as Tubelev. Vetting my source now.
Monteiro Basilashvili : Monteiro is somewhere fancy winning a challenger as we speak. I love this guy’s work ethic and he plays like he’s Nadal’s wild cousin who mountain climbs and just plays tennis when he’s in town. The forehand is big and he’s going against a guy who hasn’t notched a win since he came back to the tour. Commenting on legal issues isn’t great, but Basilashvili is facing some domestic assault charges back in his home country and there’s some notion that this is not great for his mental state. If they were both at their peak Nikoloz wins, but he’s in the doldrums and Monteiro is winning tons of matches. Monteiro in 3.
Lajovic Mager : Another tough draw for Mager. After getting a motivated Dimitrov he goes up against Lajovic who found his chops last week in a major way in Hamburg. Mager can absolutely crush the ball but he needs some times to find these shots, and Lajovic moves his opponents exceptionally well. A few missed opportunities against Tsitsipas have afforded Lajovic a few days of rest, and he should be good to roll through this one. Lajovic in 3-4.
Djere Anderson : This one of my favorite matchups in the first round. Djere is a great claycourter and plays harder than most when he gets in a rhythm, but he’s been struggling to win matches lately. Anderson’s return from injury has been similar to Nishikori’s as far as results, but not style. Nishikori has struggled to keep the ball in the court. Anderson seems to be able to play his normal game in stretches, but is hesitant to do so. It’s like watching a baby deer test it’s legs out. In a 2/3 format I think Anderson might sprint away, but here I like Djere to make this match physical and beat Anderson, who’ll be happy to go into the indoor season where things are a bit easier on the ol deer bits. Djere in 4-5.
Mayot Davidovich Fokina : Mayot is not the worst, but he’s not the best. Rublev vs Fokina is probably the best 2nd round we’re going to see in this event, and barring injury we’ll get a look at it. Fokina’s loss against Lajovic looked bad since Dusan was slumping, but looking at his form the next few rounds it makes sense. It’s like playing Paire on a day where he makes no errors and serves 16 aces. You come off the court like wait, where’s christmas? ADF in 3.
Shapovalov Simon : Shap had some clay wins that he hasn’t in the past. It’s nice to see the slower surface giving him time to really craft some winners. There aren’t many holes in his game, and he seems to only struggle once opponents settle onto his patterns since he tries to hit through the court on so many shots. When you see the guy shifting to where you’re going there’s a tendency to try to add some juice. Simon’s physical struggles aren’t public, but there’s something off about him. Age/fatigue/injury. I don’t know. The backhand is still beautiful and he’s still a great player, but he just can’t win lately, and this is the wrong opponent to be moving poorly against. Shap in 3. PS if you haven’t seen Shap’s rap video yet don’t see it. It’s not to be seen, like a rare butterfly or a peanut butter jelly sandwich your child hid in their closet for some reason 4 years ago.
Johnson Carballes Baena : Another match I feel good about. RCB is the RBA of ARV. His ability to push the pace without really hitting for winners is a quality the best claycourters all possess. Johnson can play some clay, but usually only in the USA event that consists of hardcourt players playing each other. This will be somewhat close as Johnson is decent on serve and RCB retired from his last match. The appeal of a big check at a major is such that people will make the trip even if they’re not at their best, and this one is RCB’s if he’s healthy, but Johnson’s if he isn’t. No way to pick, but I’m pulling for RCB, as he’ll be the better round 2 against Shap.
Martin Sousa : The hits keep coming. Sousa simply can’t win a match. He doesn’t seem to be playing terribly, just dealing with a huge slump. Martin will know how that feels, as he’s been taking first round losses when he finally makes his way into main tour events for a while. That changed at the start of this year though, and Martin has been a difficult out on clay in recent months. That likely will give him an edge here, and the confidence being based in results rather than in coaches puffery is likely to keep him pushing where Sousa will have doubts creeping in. Martin in 5.
Barrere Dimitrov : Barrere looked like he’d be making a big impact on tour this year before the break. There are some winners and some losers in any sporting revolution, and halting his progress seems to put him in the loser category. Draws are important, and while the solid hitter could have a chance against the new Kanye, this seems to be the old Kanye. Dimitrov tried exceptionally hard to beat Shapovalov in their Rome test, and it was good to see him playing well against even if the overarching idea is that the pinnacle of the tour has kinda passed him by. Dimitrov in 4-5.
Krajinovic Milojevic : Tough pull for Milojevic, who plays excellent dirt and worked very hard to qualify, notching wins against Leo Mayer and Yannick Maden. Kraj is pretty solid on clay and playing his best tennis the past few weeks. He’ll have to work hard to put Milojevic away, but he should do so. Krajinovic in 4.
Bedene Rinderknech : Strasbourg is in France, and Rinderknech is French. I like it. The 25 year old has been doing excellent recently on clay, and it’s nice to see him get a wildcard. Bedene isn’t the type of player who’s unbeatable, and Rinder’s win against Marc-Andrea Huesler (who should be in this event) shows he’s able to compete at tour level. The “home crowd” issue is probably getting annoying to read about now, but there’s some real comfort zone issues with the French players that lets them play comfortably there. Bedene is still a step above, but this could be close. Bedene in 5.
Laaksonen Cuevas : Henri never blinked in the qualifying, and this is a guy who does way more with way less. He trains his fitness at least as hard as anyone on tour, and while his game is pretty one-dimensional, he gets a lot out of it. He reminds me a bit of a local club champion who plays a tour pro and doesn’t just fold up and hope for their adulation. The serve is big and that’s the main weapon, and he’ll need it against Cuevas. Cuevas doesn’t give up much in the way of rallies and uses his variety to expose his opponents. Laaksonen won’t get tired, but he will have difficult ending baseline rallies, and his somewhat predictable approach is something that Cuevas is well suited to defend against. Cuevas in 4.
Munar Tsitsipas : This is a sleeper for an upset, especially with Tsitsipas playing for a title tomorrow. Munar hasn’t shown the type of world-beating dominance I expected him to on clay, because frankly he is a bit small for the tour, but he has a Nadal-level (RIP my inbox) effort on the court. He is rock-solid from the baseline and has a great attitude. Some injuries have hampered his development but even with Tsitsipas playing his best tennis this won’t be a walkover. The huge edge in serving for Tsitsipas means it’ll be tough for Munar to really apply pressure, but I think it’ll be a similar affair as his match with Garin where he seems in control until he begins making errors. Tsitsipas is still prone to shanking random rally balls and returning poorly. After talking up Munar’s chances I still think Tsitsipas may win in straight sets, but it’s one of those matches where I’d never give the spread. Tsitsipas in 3 difficult sets. PS Munar, or Lil Buttons as he’s known in the tennis rap community, buttons all the buttons on his shirt and that’s cute.
Monfils Bublik : Tough draw for both. Monfils has looked half motivated, as if he wants to play but can’t bring himself to until the pressure’s off or it would be an amazing comeback. It’s time to stop looking at these moments as a slump as this is pretty much how he has spent his whole career. When conditions are perfect, he thrives. These are outliers though, not his real level. Bublik won a bunch of sets of tennis this past week and had his chances against Garin. My initial thought looking at this match was that the games total of 35 seemed low. Bublik is likely to hold serve moderately well, and Monfils is likely to get drawn into the skill contest that Bublik represents with his dropshots/serve and volleys/underhand serves. I think this has potential to be the most entertaining match, and while Bublik is looking very good, Monfils has a lot of time here to play himself into a mental state where he can fight. Monfils in 5.
Gomez Sonego : Gomez and Sonego will both like their chances here. Sonego’s been losing, but to quality opponents like FAA and Ruud. Gomez qualified and got a nice article written about him, but his game has been legit and he’s been right around tour level for 2-3 seasons now. Gomez actually beat Seyboth Wild in the qualifiers, which is a huge win. Sonego really hasn’t won many matches, and that’ll be in his head a bit against a qualifier who is hungry to prove himself. Gomez in 5.
Thompson Albot : Our boy Radu hasn’t really been winning much since the tour’s return, which I think puts an asterisk next to the entire sport. It’s bad form for Radu not to get wins, and I believe that’s what Pospisil’s union is mainly focused on. Thompson was awfully disappointing against Coric in the USO, and is pretty bad on clay, but this again is a nice section of the draw with Fritz waiting in round two (I say that now but by the next paragraph I’ll convince myself he’s going to lose). Thompson in 4.
Machac Fritz : Is it legal to cheer? Machac’s recent results don’t say he can beat a player like Fritz, but he has beaten some players who can beat some players who can beat a player like Fritz. Fritz did well against Travaglia, and likely has the edge here. Some home-cooking for the 19 year old will be a factor if he manages to grab a set, but he’ll have to get there on his own and Fritz’ hitting may be a big factor in this one. Fritz in 3-4 but I’ll be crossin my fingas.
Coric Gombos : I see some people on twitter disrespecting my man Gombos. I’m lying, I don’t go near twitter, and only made an account so I can post a portrait of myself. You can view it here :
https://twitter.com/blurryturtle/header_photo
Gombos probably can’t win this, but he is the Gombosiest. Coric in fouric.
Rodionov Chardy : Is Chardy really tryna play tennis anymore? It seems like he’d have been making a retirement announcement this year but the pandemic ruined it. Rodionov did great in the qualifiers and winning is a habit. Chardy has the skill and serving to outclass Rodionov but he just hasn’t been doing the work lately. The upset is somewhat likely in my mind. Rodionov in 4-5.
Moutet Giustino : Local rapgod Corentin Moutet is a tiny little nugget of a player, who plays a big big game. Both have been winning matches lately, and this will be a tight contest. If this gets deep, I like Moutet as his experience winning 5-set matches is a big factor and his game is better after some miles are on both opponents since he thrives on his speed but plays a bit too far behind the baseline. Giustino in 4 or Moutet in 5.
Kecmanovic Schwartzman : We all know Kecmanovic is a great baseliner. He’s one of the tours more competent pushers, but Diego is just a better version of him. Diego was at his best in Rome, and I expect a good run here. Schwartzman in fourtzman.
I feel like there are more matches than usual. Also always nice when they don’t release the qualifier matchups until the day before the tournament. Thus ends my gripes.
Wawrinka Murray : Is it okay if I think they’ll both lose? Wawrinka played one of the funnier challenger events, losing the first set in almost every single round then winning the match and the title. Murray has hinted at the old Murray at times, but fans have grown a bit sadpants when watching him struggle with mid-level tour players. Murray hasn’t played, and Wawrinka looks like he hasn’t wanted to. The edge here goes to Wawrinka, but I expect a great contest as Murray has no quit in him and Stan has shown a prolific ability to find struggle where there is none. Wawrinka in 5.
Koepfer Hoang : Tough wildcard draw for Hoang, though a year ago he’d have been ecstatic. Hoang’s been winning locally, and I wouldn’t sleep on him here. He has a great serve, a big backhand, and is still developing. Home court advantage adds another wrinkle, but Koepfer will likely be physically recovered from his runs in Rome/Hamburg, and he really showed he can elevate his game and cover the court remarkably during that period. Koepfer in 4, and hopefully he’ll be the wakeup call Wawrinka needs in round 2.
Gaston Janvier : Two wildcards playing each other. Good for them. Probably Gaston in 4 (he has the much cooler name/hits a bit bigger)
Nishioka Auger-Alliassime : This one is interesting given FAA’s struggle to find his serving last week. Squishioka can be very frustrating in rallies, but he just hasn’t been able to win matches on clay. Clay is more of a big hitters surface, even though it’s slow. The work ethic is there, but not the offense. A disaster of a day for FAA if he loses this one; I don’t rule it out but it’s unlikely, and Bublik was in great form which explains half the loss. FAA in 3-4.
Ruud Sugita : Ruud has been excellent for years, and now he is looking like a real threat against anyone outside the top ten, and a big hurdle for those inside it. Sugita is a nice guy, but Ruud in 3.
Paul Duckworth : Tommy Paul’s best surface is clay? He really has shown an ability to perform and Duckworth just enjoyed a zipping in his last outing. One way trafffic, and Paul/Ruud in the second round is a great matchup. Paul in 3.
Opelka Sock : Say no to Jack Sock. It is addictive when this half boy/half potato starts winning matches. I think it continues here. Opelka has played no warmups, and moving on clay for such a tall fellow is really tough. He’ll have a tough time hanging with Sock’s pace, and the easier opponent (defensively) is likely to make Sock really focus on hitting to the open court. Sock in 4.
Honestly you’d tell me if there’s extra matches right? I feel like some guys are playing twice.
Cilic Thiem : Cilic is going to be sick of Thiem by the end of this one, but as a fan this is the perfect early round for Thiem. After playing no warmup matches the concern is rust, and so I’m excited to see Thiem have a match where he has to work right away. Typing that makes me a bit scared, as Cilic has played some ok tennis in the warmup, beating Goffin 2, 2. Still, this sub’s affinity for Thiem’s tumbly bum won’t let him lose in the first round, and as he gets going I think we’ll see him kinda shape into a threat for the title. Thiem in 4.
Zverev Novak : Novak isn’t great on clay. Trouble is, neither is Zverev. After a major finals, I don’t picture a guy like Zverev coming in with a smaller ego. I think there will be some harrowing moments in this, and if Herbert plays well in round one I like him to take at least two sets off Zverev. Zverev in 4-5, and I’m interested to see if he’s on the “slow start gradual turnup” path again, as that’s a terrible plan on clay for a guy who’s prone to frustration.
Mmoh Herbert : Mmoh did well to qualify, besting Renzo Olivo. Add in that Hyeon Chung was in their draw, and you really have a lack of offense in that section. Herbert has been bad recently, losing to a number of players he’d normally beat. His game depends largely on his serving, and while he’s one of the best players at net outside the big 3 (I’d put him first/Sock second) he needs to get there to be effective. Mmoh is a defensive test, but Herbert likely won’t want to get dragged into extended rallies, so this will look a bit like a low-rent version of Garin vs Bublik. I think Herbert at home gets the job done, but it may take some patches of trial and error to crack Mmoh’s defense. Herbert in 4-5.
Delbonis Londero : I was initially excited to back Londero a bunch after his USO run, as I know his best surface is clay. This is his second match against his countryman though, and it is a poor matchup for him as Delbonis has been playing decent. Delbonis his big and segments the game nicely, so the pace of the ball is fast, but the progression of rallies is slow. I don’t expect Londero to lose in straight sets, but it’s hard to back him after losing to Delbonis a few weeks ago. Delbonis in 4-5, but for betting porpoises I’d recommend avoiding this altogether.
Cecchinato De Minaur : Hehe. Finally stringing wins together, Cecchinato’s reward is a maindraw against a guy who is a nightmare matchup. Cecchinato plays a classic claycourt game. Big power and deft dropshots. He needs time to produce the first of those, and De Minaur takes that away. The dropshots are cute, but De Minaur covers the net better than most on tour. He lost to Koepfer in his only warmup on clay, and Cecchinato has won a bunch of matches recently, but this is a fairly even matchup. Both are excellent frontrunners, and I think the first few sets will be very competitive. Hard to pick against De Minaur in a long contest early in the event, and Cecchinato’s defense will likely be an issue if ADM is serving well. De Minaur in 4.
Paire Kwon : Paire still avoiding multiple matches, which is an excellent strategy for his longevity as a pro athlete. He basically could lose to anyone at this point, and his retirement in Hamburg appeared to be “I’m tired”. This is a bad sign, and worse still, Kwon is not a player who’ll beat him quick or represent a dominant opponent he can just tank against. This is one I’d advise listening to rather than watching, as Paire’s outbursts will be better than his play. I’m somewhat expecting Kwon to win, although this is similar to Nishioka/FAA where the more stable player lacks the weapons to just win in dominant fashion. Kwon via retirement.
Coria Jung : Coria is a wall. Jung is not a wall. Why not be a wall? Coria in 4.
Bonzi Ruusuvuori : Bonzi beat Karlovic which makes me sad, but I’m happy to see the challenger journeyman get a shot in a grandslam. Ruusuvuori is slowly becoming a household name, and his clay game isn’t adept but it’s a notch better than Bonzi. Fatigue may be a factor here not in hampering Bonzi’s game, but in Ruusuuvuori’s being more crisp. Ruu-uuu-u—- in 4.
Sinner Goffin : One of the sketchier first round matchups, what with wildcards playing each other and Coria and Jung going at it. This happens though, and it’s our gift to watch it. Sinner is one of the more promising prospects on the tour in a long time, and with the next gen guys finally starting to come through with big results and solid play, seeing a guy who seems more mentally stable than they were early on in their career is even better. Goffin losing quickly to Cilic isn’t a great sign, and he’s always a threat to go elfmode and stifle his opponents ability to play offense, but I think Jannik’s serving will give him a small edge here. Sinner in 4.
Fognini Kukushkin : Fognini had ankle surgeries, or else his recent string of poor performances and losses would be his normal string of poor performances and losses. He doesn’t seem willing to press himself yet, and this is another Paire/Kwon style matchup. Kukushkin will take any victory he gets a look at, but isn’t going to overwhelm his opponent. Fognini’s impatiance against Ruud did include a number of shots that missed by very little, and on the slower courts in Paris he may land a greater percentage of these. I expect Fognini to play a bit better, and this will be about optics. If Fognini feels like he looks bad or is in a spot where him trying would risk his ego, he’ll fold, and Kukushkin will win. This is sad to say about a professional athlete, but Fognini has the ankle situation to fall back on, so if he can’t win,he’ll just swing for the fences and inspect his racquet until it’s over. He’s very pretty tho. Kukushkin in 4, hopefully.
Martinez Vukic : Martinez was the best in the qualifying, and Vukic was in the qualifying. Martinez in 3.
Korda Seppi : Korda is becoming a sleeper pick on tour, and Seppi is notoriously at his worst on clay since he hits such a flat ball. I think this will stretch deep, and I am tempted to give the edge to Korda given Seppi’s recent loss to Klahn and Musetti and Korda’s win against Karatsev, who has been one of the best players in the past month on clay on the challenger tour. Korda in 4.
Benchetrit Isner : Benchetrit can make this close since it’s on clay, but Isner should be able to get into tiebreakers, which makes predicting this almost as annoying as Isner bouncing the ball between his legs. The dude’s a muppet. Someone in 4 tiebreakers.
Evans Nishikori : Evans hasn’t been great, and Nishikori has been worse. Nishikori has looked like he was gaining control of rallies and immediately making errors for a few weeks now, and it’s frustrating to predict his matches because there’s that sense that he will find form at some point. Evans likely gets the W here but it will take a lot of work. Evans in 4-5.
Andujar Travaglia : “BEGONE,” commanded Andujar. I stood there speechless. “YOU ARE AN ILLUSION!” he bellowed, waking several colorful parrots who sat atop his head. I was not there. What he saw was only his vision of me, which had come to him in a dream commanded by the vines and souls of tropical frogs. Confident that I had gone, he hopped off his perch on the mountain peak, and began descending. Not in the usual way via legs and feet, but on the breeze of a thousand moths, while nearby shamans began making a thousand broths. Andujar is back, and I hate this matchup. Travaglia was brilliant on serve leading up to RG, and Andujar was a breath of fresh air on the challenger tour, notching win after win after win and rarely dropping a set. This is one I expect to go deep, as both players are at their best. Who will win? A man does not summon the future, lest it become the present. Shamans in 3.
Diez McDonald : idc
Gerasimov Nadal : So we all know what will happen if I suggest Nadal will struggle in a match. Luckily, I won’t have to here. Gerasimov’s movement isn’t good enough to trouble many players on clay, and Nadal is probably the most dominant single-surface player that tennis has ever seen. He looked pretty human last week against Diego, and his muscles were muscley, but not as muscley as usual. Where is his massive crab-arm? The winner of Travaglia/Andujar will be his first real test. Nadal in 2 somehow.
PS User Kuklachert runs a very fun picking contest if you're interested in discord ... check it out here https://www.reddit.com/tennis/comments/izhabroland_garros_tipping_competition/

I never missed a day of smoking for 15 years. Now I’m 15 days clean. Yes, I’m “that guy” that nobody would expect to quit.

Impossible? I think not.

TLDR – This is the story of how nicotine controlled my life, and how I’m fighting back. The impossible is possible. I hope there are a few nuggets of information in here that may help anyone who needs it.

EDIT (for proper context) - To clarify, 2 packs every 3 days was what I was smoked as a freshman in high school, NOT when I quit smoking a few weeks ago. At the time of my quitting, I was smoking 3 vape pods every 2 days, in addition to 1 weed pod every 2-3 days. This is not safe and I would strongly advise against mixing nicotine & THC on a daily basis. It's just not good for you.

----

I smoked for 15 years – since I was a freshman in high school. I hung out with bad people, did drugs, then received cigarettes from my mom because it was the “significantly lesser of the evils”. I thought it was cool to be a “gangsta”. I thought it was cool to do hardcore drugs, as well as softer ones. I thought it was cool to throw away all that my parents did for me. Damn, how wrong I was.
2 packs every 3 days. Marlboro lights and reds. I smoked a lot, because nobody could stop me.
I’ve had asthma since I was young. During high school, I got good grades - 4.0 nearly every quarter. I played sports as well (wrestling, volleyball). But I kept smoking, kept hanging out with bad people, and kept making bad decisions. It continued through to college.
In college, I partied even harder. I went the social fraternity route, where they ONLY party. I got kicked out of college for bad grades, then went to a community college – where I smoked even more! Those were a good 3+ years of not doing shit – except for partying, smoking, and destroying my life.
Eventually, I made my way back to university - electrical engineering at a California State College. I still smoked a ton, and still partied. But upon getting back to university, I had to take a placement exam for math as an engineer, and I bombed that test so hard that they kicked my math down to remedial levels. To top that off, I failed my first engineering class back, and had severe math course requirements to make up in order to proceed even further. Long story short – if I thought I’d be done in 2 more years, I was wrong. I had a LONG and STRESSFUL way to go.
That simply means that it was a tough road - with lots of smoking. LOTS. And LOTS. Damn, it was a lot. I’d smoke between classes. I’d go for smoke breaks in classes. I reeked of smoke, and it wasn’t only nicotine that was being smoked. I was poisoning my lungs all day long.
When vapes came out, it got even worse. Now, I’d smoke anywhere and everywhere. Whether I’d be at home, at a friend’s house, or at school – I always had to get my fix. I was THAT GUY who smoked the most out of my friend group and everyone I knew. Vape just made this problem worse. In terms of nicotine though, first it was cigarettes, then both cigarettes and vape, then vape only.
Yup - I went through ALL the vape phases. You know, you start off with them eGos. Then you move up to something else, like a provari. Then you start becoming an expert at modding and “building wicks”. Oh, how they get you. As I kept going and going, vaping evolved to cannabis also, so you bet I was on that train. I’d use my inhaler sometimes between weed hits. I could feel myself getting anxiety from weed and nicotine and all this smoking. I went down a freaking spiral, and didn’t stop.
Heck, even if I was in a car with my FAMILY, going to a FAMILY dinner, I’d still vape in front of them. I was that messed up. I was that addicted. I was that guy.

Not me. I wouldn't have a picture of me smoking in front of family, but you get the point. Image Source: Rommel Canlas @ 123rf

……………………………………………………

Fast forward to 2015-2016, I decided engineering school was not for me. I decided that business was my passion. However, my mom begged me not to drop out of engineering school. And for business, the best time to start is always yesterday. So I started my business halfway through engineering school, and did these both at the same time. Do you know how stressful that was? Take whatever I was smoking before, and multiply it by 2. I could cry and feel tears in my eyes, when I think back to how much pain I was in during this period and how difficult this was.
If it was a non-school day, or if I was going HAM on my business, I’d be smoking all day. My room would literally, be a hotbox of just vape. The air in my home was became bad – because of me. At this point, I also withdrew a lot socially, in order to focus on these priorities of business and school. That led to even more stress, as I watched my friends slowly graduate one by one, party and have fun, and start really living life. Guess what more stress means. I don't even have to say it. Downward spiral much?

Not me, but my room was similarly smoked, lol. I wish I had pictures, sorry. Source: filomedia @ pond5

…………….…. but never mind that, I got priorities, right? ……………………………

My first business was a modification I made on an existing invention. It sold out 5 manufacturing runs and I still lost money. Oh wells, I’ll just smoke the pain away.
I started 2 other e-commerce stores after that, both of which failed due to issues where we could not get to making sales. More smoking.
Then the next store I built, somewhere around 2017 or so, we hit it off. I did 7 figures in sales within a year (sales, not profit – but still damn good though). Then, due to some bad business decisions and some suppliers bait/switching me, I lost it all. I watched my bank account, go from nothing… all the way to 6 figures… then back down to NEGATIVE 5 figures. And, it was a slow burn down also. Not a fast one. Believe me, I tried EVERYTHING I could to fix the business, but nothing was working at that time. Guess what – even MORE smoking. Now it was getting bad.
Mind you, I’m still in school also. And electrical engineering school is math heavy, which made things even more difficult because I hated math. But I persevered, whilst using nicotine to fuel myself. A poor decision that led me to smoke even more than I could imagine – now it was becoming a burden to smoke. However, at this point, my life was ecommerce, smoking, and school. ONLY. I literally became a “grandpa” and “turtle” and withdrew from a majority of social things. That means puff, puff, and puff.
I ended up building 2 other stores that failed after that. They were good stores, but they never took off. More smoking. I learned a LOT, but I smoked a lot as well.
Then I had a breakthrough. I partnered up with a friend who built a store but was not profitable on most days, and barely profitable on some days. We went 50/50 – and in 3 days of work I cut his advertising in half. I was ecstatic, and I was still smoking a lot. After a few more days, he decided to “ghost me” because we didn’t sign paperwork, as I trusted him. He basically said “I think this is something I have to do alone”, then went MIA (after I made his story very profitable). I lost it, and smoked even more from that stress.

Not me, but watch out, cool guy over here. Representation of me. Damn I was an idiot. Source: ERPNews

………………………… what a sucky story …………………….

Except I fought back.

I worked every hour I could (smoked every hour I could also, haha). He scammed me, but I learned a ton and started making breakthroughs. I kept grinding, kept smoking, kept grinding, kept smoking.
That experience gave me the insights and strength I needed to rebuild the right way. It was very stressful, very smokey, yes – but at the same time – it was what was needed to take me to the next level.
My health is important, and how can I possibly make an impact on the world if I’m smoking every minute I’m on this planet? Stuff just started clicking, not only in terms of business, but also in terms of beginning to think about the long term implications of smoking. Yeah, I was even that guy at the gym who would vape immediately as soon as I got out of the gym, on the way home, and after the post workout shower. I hated nicotine, but at the same time I couldn’t stop nicotine.

I’ll spare you guys the details, but fast forward a ton of work later, I’ve finally clawed my way out of rock bottom in business. My business has huge plans for 2021, and we’ve already done pretty good in 2020 and have made excellent progress. I am a learner, and every struggle makes me stronger. I’ve crawled out of my rock bottom hole, have rebuilt my business, and have really started focusing more on innovation and being the best option in the market for anything we sell. In a nutshell ~ doing business the right way, by way of innovation & domination.
I’d like to think that I am an inventor who had to learn how to market and sell. BUT, NO MATTER WHAT I THOUGHT, I KNEW FOR A FACT that I was also a smoker who had lost control of his life to nicotine. In order to succeed you must pay a “price” – but my health was the wrong “price” to pay. This was a skeleton in my closet that I had to conquer.

In the midst of this, I managed to barely scrape by and graduate with my electrical engineering degree, which I’ve just received this past summer. I hated every second of it. I smoked myself through everything I learned. But at least I finished it. Momma got what she wanted, even though I have no use for this degree.

Sorry, I haven't taken any graduation pictures yet.

… Sweet. Now life is finally starting to rebuild. But I’ve still got to conquer my biggest demon …

Nicotine.

You do that dance. You know, that old dance – I’ll put my vape down, tell myself NO MORE, then find myself picking that crap up a few minutes later. Sometimes unconsciously, without even noticing.

This is from the show, Peaky Blinders. One of my favorites. This image is from the scene where I got the \"dance\" quote from. Churchill (right) does the \"dance\" with his cigar. Tommy shelby (left) does the \"dance\" with his suicidal thoughts.

… I don’t know what happened, but a few weeks ago, I just went down this rabbit hole of redditing and googling and watching content about smoking and quitting. Seed was planted, or rather – the seed is being watered as I’ve wanted to quit for a while now. But I wasn’t strong enough. No trigger. No catalyst yet. Mind you, when I smoked, there were times when I had chest pains and kept smoking. This started happening a few years ago. Something to do with asthma? Blood pressure? Etc etc…? Not sure.
… Then a little over 2 weeks ago, I smoked a lot of nicotine, a bit too much. I topped it off with a few ganja hits ….

But something felt off. I started having a full blown panic/anxiety attack, and just felt immense pain everywhere. It was in my chest, yes… but for some odd reason my back started feeling uncomfortable, laying down felt uncomfortable, and I just felt like crap. Not sure why this happened – maybe it was a stroke of luck from God, but it happened.

I decided I had enough. I decided that I was no longer going to let nicotine control me.

In tears, I went to talk to my mom. I just told her I needed to talk to her, and I’m fortunate that she worked as a social worker for the county (people go to her for food stamps basically). Because the first thing I said when I opened my mouth was – “I need help.”
I don’t know why I said that. I’m never that “weak” – but this time, I just gave myself up. I finally admitted, that I had a fucking problem.

I’ve kicked weed a few times in the past and have smoked on/off for years at a time… but nicotine was always the constant. I NEVER missed a day of smoking for 15 years. One day I almost came close – when I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. The doctor told me NO SMOKING. Guess what I did after I went home and rested? Yup – I vaped – against the doctor’s orders. As I said, I was that guy.

…
…
…

And quit I did. I threw it all away. Grabbed all my vape AND weed paraphernalia, and anything even remotely related to it. Fucking crumpled it all up and threw it in a bag, and threw it away.

This must be done, symbolically. To show your mind – “hey, fuck you nicotine. I’m in charge. You’ve taken away enough from me”

…
…
…

And I haven’t looked back since.
I must have cried 25+ times throughout the first few days, just by myself. For no damn reason. Just start tearing up. But I knew that this was a demon I had to conquer.
And you know what, it isn’t painful to fight this demon. The pain comes from the EXPECTATION of pain that you’ll feel, when trying to fight nicotine. But believe me, you can do it.

…

I am now 15 days clean.

Me, the guy who all my family, friends, everyone – would NEVER EVEN FATHOM quitting – I’ve fucking quit.

I’ve ALREADY quit for good. I say that, because there are no ands, ifs, or buts. There is absolutely 0 chance of me relapsing. Done is done. I’ve had enough of you, nicotine. 15 years you’ve taken from me. You've given me nothing and have taken so much. But now no more.

That’s 15 years of bad health.
15 years of hurting those around me.
15 years of not being fully ‘present’, because I’d always need my nicotine fix.
15 years of thinking that school/business/weed was giving me ANXIETY, but it was actually nicotine that was doing it.
And most importantly, 15 years of being controlled by this monster they call - nicotine... now - over.

The labor is finished. The task is complete. The next level of life is unlocked. Goodbye nicotine, and thank you for absolutely nothing.

Thank you to anyone who read this far. That is my story.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here are the tips and tricks I used to FIGHT BACK against my addiction. I hope this helps someone:

1. You must know, that you must FIGHT. I promise you, it’s worth it. You might think nicotine is making you “less stressed” and giving you “more energy” to deal with life – but it’s a false illusion. It’s a temporary fix, for more pain later. And it snowballs.
These past 2 weeks have been the most STRESSFREE I’ve been, actually.

2. The first thing you must do is download an app. Some type of quit smoking app. The one I used charges $7 a month, but gives you access to counselors. Trust me, it’s worth it. Just spend that damn $7, even if you feel like you don’t need it. It will force you to talk to these people.

3. Next, in order to fight the cravings, you must MOVE YOUR BODY. Just force yourself to move it.
Take a walk, do some yoga, do some meditation, go for a run.
I know these 4 things are things you DO NOT WANT TO HEAR, or are LAZY AS FUCK when it comes to it….
But believe me – from smoker to smoker:
When you’re running at full speed, you aren’t going to be thinking about a cigarette or vape. You’re going to be thinking about how badly your lungs hurt.
I ran through that pain. I used this pain to EXORCISE the demon out of me.
If I did have a craving while walking, then I had to punish my body with a small 10 second sprint.
Believe me, it’s fucking worth it. It felt so liberating – as I hated running. But for some reason, running this time, feels great. My lungs stopped hurting as bad. More air was going in them.

4. Throughout your activities, put on some motivational podcasts. These helped me immensely. Just type something like “change your life motivation” into YouTube. Play it in the background, and go for a small jog. I guarantee by the end of your jog, you’ll be a better person than you were before you started that jog.

5. GUM. BUY GUM. XYLITOL is my go to, because it will WHITEN YOUR TEETH. Plus, it will define your jawlines. Remind yourself of this. Remind yourself to take care of yourself. Yup – just by you taking care of yourself, this DOES snowball. So don’t forget.

6. Replace the unhealthy habits with the healthy habits. WAIT – before you skim past this, hear me out.
Think about HOW MUCH TIME YOU WOULD SPEND VAPING/SMOKING. THINK OF HOW MUCH EXTRA TIME IS WASTED, BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN HAS TO KEEP SWITCHING TASKS AS YOU GET CRAVINGS.
Now fill that void, with stuff that makes you a better person. Fill that void with meditation and yoga, because chances are, the nonsmokers in your life don’t do that anyways. So let’s take this opportunity, to ascend in our lives and get to the next level.
I started showering 2-3 times a day, started taking better and better care of my health, grooming, cleaning, sorting out my life, etc…. and you know what – doing this has been immense help.

7. Steps 1 to 6 were very helpful to me as now I rarely get cravings. HOWEVER, when I do, there are a few things I tell myself. Some mantras. Some phrases. Check this out.
> First, identify if it is a PHYSICAL or MENTAL craving. If it’s physical, that means you need to get your body moving. Do something else. If it’s a mental, gum will do the trick.
> If it’s a mental and gum isn’t helping, I assure you this trick will help. Instead of trying to resist your craving, instead… just WATCH YOUR CRAVING COME AND GO. Just watch and observe. Don’t fight, don’t react. Just watch it. Just feel it. It’s there, but it isn’t really. So just watch it come and go. Because it will go.
> You must view the nicotine craving as a demon. The evil nicotine demon. You must realize, that when you feel like shit due to the cravings… that more nicotine isn’t the solution. Do you feel pain that you’re going to explode and die because no nicotine???? My friend, that’s EXACTLY WHAT THE NICOTINE DEMON does to you. It tricks you into thinking that the solution to this pain, is more poison in your body. Think about that for a second. You want to cure pain with poison????!?!? Kidding me.
> Lastly, you must remember the main benefit of quitting. I thought it was my health, but I was wrong. It isn’t your health. It’s not money. It’s not family. It’s not this, not that. I’ll tell you what it is.
The main benefit is that you’re more present and in the moment. You’re here. You’re normal again. YOU. ARE. BACK. TO. NORMAL. AGAIN. Don’t you ever forget that. This has implications on every aspect of your life. So let’s make these implications GOOD implications. Trust me, you will thank yourself later.

8. Allen carr has a great book and there are links somewhere here. But to sum it up in a nutshell, or at least to give you what I GOT out of it – Allen carr smoked 100+ cigs a day, even when he was ALREADY dying. He had constant pain. He was so addicted, he had to smoke in order to turn on a light bulb. Goddam, now that – is addicted. Yet, he was able to quit.
He used a simple shift in mentality, which also helps me. What is it?
QUITTING SMOKING IS NOT YOU TRYING TO CLIMB THIS LARGE UPHILL MOUNTAIN OF PAIN.
EVEN IF YOU’VE ONLY QUIT AND BEEN CLEAN FOR 5 MINUTES… THE POINT IS THAT YOU ARE ALREADY AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.
You’re already “quit”. Now, you have to make that downhill climb of “maintenance and not relapsing” into smoking.
Well, that’s what I got out of it – but I encourage you to read it.

9. Lastly, if you’re ever in a tough time, please TALK ABOUT IT. You guys here on reddit, are absolutely amazing. Hearing the stories of others, being able to provide insights to others, and helping others through their struggles – is really a medicine and high of its own.
If it wasn’t for all these support networks and amazing subreddits and people in them, I’m not sure if I could have done this. Seriously.

-----------------

So please, if you’re in a similar position, and have a craving – before you send more poison into your body, why don’t you send someone here on reddit a message. Even me. Post something. Comment something. Just reach out and talk to someone! Because you’re not the only one struggling. I thought it was impossible for me to quit, but I did it. Just trust me, there’s something about talking to someone who has been in a similar situation, which is really reassuring. And at this point, we really have to support each other because smoking technology is only going to get more addictive and accessible as time goes on.

Thank you guys for reading everything. It is a long story, yes – but I sincerely hope this helps someone. If you need help, just ask and I will do my best to help.

15 years I smoked every single fucking day. Now I’m 1 day clean for each year I smoked. Pretty soon, it’ll be 2 days clean for each year. Then 3. Point is – I’m done with nicotine, and there is no looking back. It feels fucking great to be free again. To be myself again. And to have my full potential back again.

And P.S. - Fuck you, nicotine. Seriously. Fuck you.

Sincerely,
Kenny

No fans, no home arenas... the playoffs are going to be a street fight. So which STREET FIGHTER is your team?

For this, we're going to tap into the cast of Street Fighter II (not # 1). I may be old, but I'm not that old.

WESTERN CONFERENCE STREET FIGHTERS

(1) L.A. Lakers as.... RYU
It doesn't matter who's the betting favorite for the title or for MVP. The Los Angeles Lakers are the marquee team in the NBA, with the marquee player at center stage. If we were making a poster for the league, LeBron James would be front and center.
(2) L.A. Clippers as... KEN
As Pete Holmes asks on his ill-fated talk show, do we really need another Ryu? Do we really need another L.A. super-team? Does throwing on red jerseys/gis really distinguish one from the other?
But of course, the answer is, hell yes. The Lakers-Clippers has finally become a worthwhile rivalry, with both teams reaching title contender status at the same time. Like Ken and Ryu, these two have plenty of history together. And while the Clippers never proved a formidable rival to the big brother Lakers, their new star Kawhi Leonard certainly did his own damage. Leonard helped the Spurs beat LeBron's Miami team back in the day, and he's on the verge of his second straight championship now. If Leonard can pull that off, he should surpass "The King" and inherit the throne as the greatest player on the planet.
(3) Denver Nuggets as... E. HONDA
Comparing hefty sumo E. Honda to Nikola Jokic is too easy. Too cheap. Too lazy. So naturally, let's just do that and move on.
(4) Houston Rockets as... BLANKA
In Street Fighter, we have some classic fighter tropes. The sumo wrestler, the boxer, the ... green electric jungle monster?? WTF is that?? Similarly, Daryl Morey and the Houston Rockets have experimented and developed a monster unlike anything the NBA has seen before.
(5) Oklahoma City Thunder as... CHUN-LI
You may not expected a woman to come into a street fighting tournament and kick some ass, but that's exactly what Chun-Li intended to do. Similarly, the Oklahoma City Thunder were written off immediately this season (with an oveunder of 32.5 wins) only to defy expectations and hold their own. In fact, their winning percentage is even better than last season when they had Russell Westbrook and Paul George. Now facing a Westbrook-less(?) Houston team, they may not be such an underdog after all.
(6) Utah Jazz as... DHALSIM
Mystical yoga master Dhalism may not have the look of a vicious street fighter with his gangly physique, but when he extends his arms he becomes a difficult opponent to land punches on. Similarly, Utah's stringy center Rudy Gobert wins primarily with length (7'9" wingspan.) And while he may still be getting some bikram-level heat from the media and fans after the coronavirus episode, he'll have every chance to prove his worth in this first round matchup against Nikola Jokic and Denver.
(7) Dallas Mavericks as... VEGA
The masked man Vega is among the most dangerous fighters in the game, in no small part to the sharp claw that he's somehow allowed to yield into battle. Similarly, the Dallas Mavericks have their own unfair weapon in Luka Doncic, the 20-year-old who can slice and dice his way to 30-10-10 games. Doncic -- like Vega -- also cut his teeth (and claw) in Spain (playing for Real Madrid.)
(8) Portland Trail Blazers as... BALROG
In Street Fighter, boxer "Balrog" was a shameless ripoff of Mike Tyson to the point where they had to change the name (from "M. Bison") to avoid lawsuits.
Portland may need to hire good counsel as well. After getting whacked by rival Golden State last season, they're taking a page right from the Warriors playbook. Damian Lillard is doing his best Steph Curry impression, launching 10 threes a game this year (and hitting 40%). Without Curry and the Warriors around anymore, perhaps this version has a puncher's chance of pulling off some more upsets.

EASTERN CONFERENCE STREET FIGHTERS

(1) Milwaukee Bucks as... M. BISON
We've seen great players emerge from outside North America before, but none of them have ever been the consensus best in the world at a point in time. Dirk Nowitzki won MVP and a title, sure, but not in the same year. Giannis Antetokounmpo has the chance to do that this season if he can win MVP, DPOY, and a championship all in one fell swoop. If he does, he'll reign over them all.
Like M. Bison, the mystery man has emerged from the far corners of the world and threatened global domination. For you, the day the Greek Freak dropped 40-20 on your team was the most memorable game of your season. But for him? It was Tuesday.
(2) Toronto Raptors as... SAGAT
With all the talk about Eastern power M. Bison, people tend to overlook the destructive potential of Sagat. Remember, this is a competitor who held the belt last time around in Street Fighter I. The Toronto Raptors may still be lost in the shadows of their woodland rival, but they can more than hold their own thanks to their length and title experience.
(3) Boston Celtics as... GUILE
Air Force special operative Guile represents 'MURICA! right down to the flag tattoo on his bicep. Yet, strangely, the film portrayal of Guile had more than a hint of European in him thanks to the performance of Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Likewise, there's nothing more American than the "Boston Celtics," who sport at least 4 different stars born and raised in the good ol' U.S. of A in Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, Gordon Hayward, and Kemba Walker as well as an aw' shucks apple pie coach from the heartland in Brad Stevens. Yet, strangely, there's more than a hint of a European style to their play thanks to their ball movement and socialist scoring (with all four stars between 17-23 PPG.)
(4) Indiana Pacers as... CAMMY
With Street Fighter II characters running out, we're going to have to extend into the Special Edition bonus characters like Cammy. Cammy was the second female character introduced. She was there, we swear. Similarly, the Indiana Pacers are in this playoffs, we swear.
(5) Miami Heat as... T. HAWK
Another add-in character, T. Hawk is described as an indigenous warrior from Mexico "whose ancestral homeland was taken over by Shadaloo, forcing him into exile." Sounds like the plight of sullen and wayward warrior Jimmy Butler to me. After being exiled from Chicago... and Minnesota... and Philly (kinda), Butler has found a new home with this rugged Miami Heat team. If his tribe members can supply enough shooting and arrows around him, they'll be a dangerous party to pass through.
(6) Philadelphia 76ers as... ZANGIEF
Russian mauler Zangief entered the tournament with an unusual approach: strength and size over speed. Similarly, big man Elton Brand prioritized size and strength this summer when he signed Al Horford to go along with Joel Embiid. The twin towers approach needs to work now, because the Sixers don't have another choice now that Ben Simmons will miss significant time.
(7) Brooklyn Nets as... DEE JAY
Another new character, video game makers must have figured Dee Jay would catch on with the young'ins. He's hip! He's cool! He's a recording artist! Heck, even his name is Dee Jay! He's the next big thing!
Similarly, the Brooklyn Nets are banking on being a big deal in the future. Sure, their current roster is a plucky group of overachievers, but by this time next year, Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving (if healthy) may have them among the title favorites.
(8) Orlando Magic as... SCOTT and MAX
Shit. We've officially run out of Street Fighter II characters.
Or have we? A google deep dive suggests that the two characters from the intro loading screen have names. "Scott and Max." Similarly, these Orlando Magic may only be here in the playoffs to serve as an introduction to the rest of the action. If Milwaukee is going to run the table, they need to beat somebody in round one. Orlando (minus Jon Isaac) will have to play that role of "somebody."

A story of timing, luck and degeneracy

As a long-time contributor to this sub, I know we love nothing more than discussing our degeneracy. If nothing else, hearing such stories makes you realise there are other people out there who have lived similar experiences to you. Stories of epic failure provide a sense of comfort. Stories of unexpected triumphs provide a feeling of hope.
The following bets - and the circumstances surrounding each - were not necessarily story-worthy. However, there were a number of intricate details which I felt were worth highlighting. Aside from the statistical rollercoaster than one experiences throughout a game (i.e. going from "how can this lose?" to "this bet is over"), there are other factors which can have significant ramifications for one's betting endeavours.
This is where the factor of timing comes into play. How often have you bet on something purely due to the fact that the game was starting shortly? It could either be a straight wager on the game. Or, you might have decided to add the short-priced "lock" to boost your odds. How often has this then come back to bite you? Or conversely, this random event - where your betting urge coincided with the scheduled timing of this event taking place - results in a recuperation of losses from previous games that you "studied" prior to placing your losing wagers?
Without further ado, this is my story. It is but a speck in the ocean that is my entire betting career. But it was a Sunday night full of swings, sweats and... well I won't spoil the ending.
As you read this, I want you to keep the headline in mind. Specifically, the words timing, luck and degeneracy.
It's early on a Sunday evening in Melbourne, Australia. Approximately 6PM to be exact. We are currently under the world's strictest COVID lockdown. We have an 8PM curfew, and I was keen to get in a 1 hour walk before returning home to make dinner. Now typically - as I had already walked my dog several hours earlier - I would not go for another on my own. But for some reason, I just had an urge to get some fresh air. Here is the first element in play: timing. At 6:10PM, an AFL (Australian Football) was scheduled to begin. As I begin my walk, I inevitably flick through my preferred bookmaker's iPhone app and this game catches my eye. Part of me says "don't bet it". The other part of me curb-stomps that voice in my head and says "don't be a pussy". Now on another note, I placed a daily deposit limit of $3000 on my account. To some, that is insanely big. I generally bet $1000 or so, and so this stops me from stupidly chasing the day's losses. Here is where another element peaks it's head: luck. I had deposited $1750 that day. Had I reached my limit, the following events would only have existed in a parallel universe. But as luck would have it, I had $1250 to play with. So I said 'fuck it' and made the deposit. It's about 6:05PM now and I don't have much time. I sift through the markets on offer and decide it's best to play a Same Game Multi (parlaying multiple events from the same game). With not much time left to make a decision, I quickly check the weather forecast in Gold Coast (where this game is taking place) and note that there is meant to be rain in the second half. (Spoiler: there was no rain in the second half). As this sport is played outdoors, this would favour the unders. So I come up with a bet that looks like this:

First quarter OVER 23.5
First half OVER 48.5
Full match UNDER 125.5
West Coast +34.5 handicap
Margin: either team by 1-39
Bontempelli 15+ disposals
Macrae 20+ disposals

ODDS: 4.10
A bet of $1250 would pay $5125.

I was ready to place the bet. The problem? The match was only seconds from beginning.
The time stamp on when the bet was accepted:
18:09:55
I made it by 5 measly seconds.

Ok, so game begins rather uneventfully. Now it's worth noting for those who aren't familiar with AFL that you can score by 1's and 6's. It's late in the first quarter and the total is sitting at 22 points. Needing over 23.5, I'm in desperate need of a goal. The whole bet is about to come crashing down without it. With only seconds remaining a player marks the ball from a score-able position. The siren sounds. Now in AFL, if a mark is taken before the siren ("buzzer"), the player may take their kick. As luck would have it, this legend kicks it right through the middle of the goal posts, and the first quarter score ends on 28. We live on!
Second quarter ends, and the combined total is 52 points. Again, we survive the over 48.5 by less than a full goal! (But this one cleared with a handful of minutes left to play, so there was no sweat involved).
I'l wrap up the remainder of the game fairly quickly, as it is rather uneventful. The final score is 47-49, so the total under 125.5 hits easily, the +34.5 and margin 1-39 hit comfortably, and both players rack up well over their required disposals. Fantastic. My account hits $5125.
By this stage, some would be satisfied. I wasn't. I was out for blood.
The smart move would have been to withdraw, say, $4000. Play with the remaining $1125 (house money), and lock in a profit. But what's the fun in that?
I scroll through the upcoming events and see that there is a Chinese Super League (soccer) match starting in a few hours. This isn't the first example of degeneracy in this story, but it's probably the biggest.
So what do I do? Another Same Game Multi of course. And how much do I bet on it? $5125 of course.
The bet:

Beijing Guoan: win or draw
Total corners: OVER 7.5
Total goals: OVER 1.5
BOTH teams to score in BOTH halves: No

ODDS: 1.95
A bet of $5125 would pay $9993.75

Here's where the rollercoaster of events begins.
5 minutes in, we have our first corner.
13 minutes in, we have our second.
Corners are looking good.
Fast forward to half time and Beijing are leading 2-0.

BOTH teams to score in BOTH halves: No = WINNER
Total goals: OVER 1.5 = WINNER
Beijing or draw = TBD, but looking good!
Corners OVER 7.5 = ONLY 2 FUCKING CORNERS IN THE FIRST HALF!

Remember, they had already accumulated 2 corners 13 minutes into the match. 32 minutes without a single corner!
The live odds for over 7.5 were now over 3.00, and I was losing hope.
The second half begins and approximately 10 minutes passes without a corner. I'm fucked.
The next 15 minutes feels like God (aka Bob from NBA Daily Discussion) had blessed me. A flurry of corners results in an 8th corner before the 70th minute mark!
What looked like a total sweat, turned into the easiest of victories. Or so I thought...
The final leg: Beijing or draw - who by the way, were 1.50 favourites to win the match - were still up 2-0. One book had the opposing team at 81.00 odds to win from here. But you guys can guess what happened next.
Wuhan goal!
I'm still leading 2-1. My brain: "it's all good man, you still have a 1 goal buffer".
Barely a few minutes later...
Wuhan goal!
It's now 2-2. My brain: "it's cool, you just need a draw, you're still likely to win this".
Including the 6 minutes of added time, I have to sit through approximately 20 excruciating minutes of soccer, with just under $10k on the line.
Luckily, Beijing did 75% of the attacking. Wuhan did have a few minor chances, but nothing that made the heart sink.
The referee blew the full-time whistle, and I slowly unclenched my ass cheeks.
I waited to see my account balance, just to make sure all was kosher. (You know, we've all been there, when we thought we bet on a certain team, but because their names are all Chinese, you actually bet on the wrong Beijing or something like that).
My balance appeared at $9,993.75.
It was time to call it a night.
I reflected on the past 6 or so hours that I had just been through, and the 3 things that kept popping up in my mind again were timing, luck and degeneracy.
P.S.
Sorry to all the Djokovic and Heat backers. Brutal. Especially Djokovic. I'd say that's a once-in-a-career circumstance, but I think that would be understating how unlikely it is that the best player in the world get's DQ'd because he inadvertently hit a ball into an official's neck out of frustration.

I work at a train station that services unusual destinations. For the first time, I boarded one of the trains.

The Exploding Passenger
“Elle... There was something watching me play in the garden earlier. I saw it in the trees.”
“Don’t be silly, probably just an animal or something.”
“It wasn’t!”
“Don’t be a scaredy cat. Tell mum and dad if you’re worried. Why are you in my room anyway, leave me alone.”
That was the last interaction I had with my little sister.
Irene didn’t protest or even attempt to say another word when I dismissed her, she just skulked off, presumably used to my shitty pre pubescent attitude that had blossomed around that time.
I was ten years old and just starting to develop any kind of interest in being cool. My eight year old sibling just didn’t make the cut, especially not when she still believed in fairytales.
Irene was a creative child almost to a fault. She was convinced there were fairies, nymphs and gnomes alive and well, populating the corners of the world that people didn’t look in.
I thought she was utterly ridiculous, despite secretly wishing I lived in her make believe world. Now; with the job I have and the things I’ve witnessed, I deeply regret writing off her stories completely.
I’d spent a lifetime running from my guilt. I don’t know for a fact that she ever spoke to my parents about the watcher but I suspected that she did, and that their guilt over ignoring it was what solidified our family’s downward spiral.
Is it a little sick that I resented her?
In my mind Irene got to spend eternity in fairytale land, never growing up and dealing with reality, while I was left to clean up the drunken mess my parents became. It didn’t seem fair when I was a little kid.
It didn’t seem fair as an adult either.
Especially not as I sat in my car, severed finger in its box in one hand and return ticket to Thistle Park Station in the other, parked up at my workplace on my day off.
I felt quite farcical, following the advice of a strangely knowing old lady. A lady who had outright said that there was potential for the finger to be a dead end. A game.
There were a million other things I could’ve been doing that weren’t chasing answers to an impossible question.
Either way I felt a responsibility to the memory of my sister to at least check, regardless of my desperate previous attempts to numb the pain by forgetting all about her. Her being alive would change so much.
If Irene was out there I had to bring her home.
I lifted my hood to avoid being seen by any of my coworkers. I didn’t work alongside the day crew often but we intermingled from time to time and I didn’t feel like sharing my deep familial trauma with them. I knew my boarding one of the trains would’ve caused quite a stir.
Skulking past the ticket booth I noticed Amanda, my daytime counterpart, frantically cleaning the desk. I’d never interacted with her, but I had always been mightily irritated by the booth smelling of bleach. I complained about it to Atlas near constantly.
She was an obsessive cleaner and I always arrived to an immaculate work station that I would soon turn into my preferred chaos. It took quite the resolve not to peek in and ask her to stop. I managed though the urge, continuing on to the platform.
Thistle Park was situated on the Village line, a few stops beyond Monsoon Valley but way before Cordyline Hill, where the train terminated. It bought me some comfort that I wasn’t going too far from home; the journey, if it ran according to schedule, should’ve only taken me 46 minutes.
I settled on a bench at the far end of platform 5, noticing a few familiar looking youths on bikes by the stairs at the other end, waiting for the same train I was.
They were regulars at the station, often passing through late at night, inconspicuous in dark tracksuits always on bikes. They’d never caused me any particular bother but I’d noticed that no matter how often I’d encountered them I never saw their faces. It seemed the angle was always off, but it felt like more than that.
One uneventful night I even made a game of it, watching them on every camera I could to catch a glimpse. No avail. They were no different on the platform, playing and interacting with each other, moving around freely. Just never turning quite enough for me to see a face.
The faceless youth, as I lovingly nicknamed them, had always seemed relatively harmless whilst I was working, but crossing the threshold onto the platform and facing the prospect of travelling to the destinations that I’d always found mysterious had left me with a deeply uncomfortable feeling in my gut.
Even passengers as innocuous as them seemed more dangerous without my plexiglass fortress and security button. More sinister.
I tried googling some of the stations when I first started, without any real results. The stations that we serve don’t appear on any other line in the city and judging by the passengers that travel to them, I wasn’t sure I’d be entirely welcome. I didn’t fit in and amongst the eccentric customers my incredible plainness stuck out like a sore thumb.
Now approaching Platform 5 is the Village line service to Cordyline Hill. Please stand clear and mind the gap between the train and the platform.
My legs wobbled as I got up from the bench and tried to remain steady while the train sped to a stop. My anxiety irritated me. I don’t know what I expected, to be eaten by some sort of monster within moments of embarking on my journey? Ridiculous. Thoughts of Irene kept me focused.
There were only two other passengers in my carriage. An older man, maybe late forties sat in the left corner facing the window and central was a teenage girl. The girl was disheveled looking, washed out pink hair sticking up in all directions and dirty, slightly ripped clothes. She had headphones suck over her ears, creating a gentle, rhythmic hum throughout the small space.
I hesitated for a moment before settling on a seat. Compared to some of my more eccentric customers my two carriage mates were positively average. That was, until the man let out a gentle growl, helping ease my decision to sit closer to the girl, and also to the exit.
As the train pulled away the robotic announcer told us that the first stop would be Monsoon Valley. I sunk into my seat, thinking about the explosive man from my shift the night before. Atlas had laughed about staff at MV having to deal with him and being so close we had frequent contact with the guys working there. Despite this, I’d never once wondered what Monsoon Valley looked like.
Is that strange? All the customers, the destinations, the incidents and never a moment of curiosity. I wondered if there was something wrong with me.
I watched out the window as the city scape entered winding fields that I never knew were so nearby. It seemed almost impossible that such vast expanses of natural beauty could be so close to a concrete jungle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the pink haired girl glance at me on occasion and I was careful not to make eye contact.
The closer we got to Monsoon Valley the more unbelievable the landscape became; the winding fields became deep valleys between intimidating, rolling banks and hills. The sky outside the window, despite it only being early afternoon, was a dusky shade of lavender. The change was sharp, from blue to purple, eliciting an audible gasp that I tried to stifle.
Beautiful and otherworldly, a glaring reminder that I was somewhere entirely new.
The train slowed as we reached a picturesque village, smatterings of cottages set in beautiful plots of land with rivers separating them littered the view as we reached a quaint station that sported a hand carved, wooden platform sign.
Welcome to Monsoon Valley Home to the end of the Rainbow
I felt my brow furrow as I struggled to conceal my confusion and amazement, pulling my hood further over my head in a pathetic and frankly futile attempt to hide how out of place I felt from my carriage mates.
Home to the end of the Rainbow. I wish I could say that didn’t make me want to step off the train and chase the impossible location it promised. Had it not been for the red body-part box in my pocket I probably would’ve done just that.
It felt as if we sat at that beautiful, quaint little station for an eternity. Like the driver was tormenting the valiant explorer inside me. Goading me.
I was grateful when the doors finally shut that no one new had joined my carriage. Everything I could see of Monsoon Valley was gorgeous, but almost too much so. The idyllic little area had a mysterious feel, and not one I particularly liked. I wondered what sort of people might live in a place like that.
The next stop will be Blackwater Place. Change for the Epstar line.
I pondered what the next stop would look like and more importantly, what Thistle Park was going to bring. Monsoon valley had surprised me, although I wasn’t sure where my expectations had started.
I didn’t get long to delve too deeply into my thoughts because mere moments after we pulled away from the quaint little station the pink haired girl stood up and took a seat directly next to me.
“You’re not a local, are you?” She asked, a knowing smile in her eyes.
I ignored her at first, hoping she would just go back to her seat and stop bothering me but she was persistent.
“Where are you headed? Hey!” She got closer and closer to my face until there were only millimetres between us, revealing crusted makeup and open sores on her own.
“Thistle Park.” I answered eventually through gritted teeth, giving minimal information in the hope she would at least back away. She didn’t.
“Ooh. Ever been before? I bet you haven’t!”
“How would you know?”
“If you looked that scared at the last place then you definitely haven’t been to Thistle Park. Ha. The Valley is for suckers chasing the rainbow, a holiday compared to the park.”
Engaging with the girl terrified me but not half as much as going into my situation blind did. Even if, best way, Irene was alive and well in Thistle Park, I still had no idea where I was going to start looking. Maybe she could provide some answers.
“Are you from there?” I asked nervously. The girl laughed.
“No, I’m headed further up the line, but I’ve spent some time there. A nice, innocent looking girl like you wants to be careful in a town like that.” She licked her dry, cracked lips picking up bits of what appeared to be day old red lipstick flakes.
I smelled stale cigarettes on her breath and she scratched at her greasy hair that had flattened under her headphones, now perched on her shoulders.
Everything about the girl was repugnant. Still, I couldn’t bare to take my eyes away from her for even a single second. I was entranced by her, suddenly completely uninterested in the views outside the window. She was all I saw.
“My name is Penny, what’s yours?” She asked, deep brown eyes fixed on mine.
“It’s Amanda.” I answered, thinking on my feet and assuming the identity of daytime counterpart me, in an attempt to protect myself. It didn’t work.
“No it isn’t.” She frowned.
Those three words were said with such a seriousness and change in tone that I felt my heart stop for a couple of beats. Just like it had when Agnes used my full name with such ease. I was defenceless from the moment the train pulled away, and I was starting to regret my impulsive decision to follow a note on a finger.
“There’s no purpose lying is there, Elfida?”
I felt sick.
“Who are you and where the fuck am I?” I retorted.
“I’m Penny. I already told you that. It doesn’t matter where you are but it does matter what you’re looking for and I know what you’re looking for... or maybe I should say who you’re looking for?”
I must’ve become visibly uncomfortable because Penny smirked before continuing.
“I’m warm aren’t I? Ha. The resemblance is uncanny, I can’t believe it took me an entire stop to work it out.”
“You know where Irene is?”
My sisters name stumped Penny briefly, she genuinely looked dumbstruck for a moment before another smug grin stretched across her face.
“You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” She laughed, throwing her head back in a wicked cackle, flakes of painted skin dancing on her lips.
“Answer me... please.”
I remained transfixed on Penny, the background beginning to blacken as I lost all sense of anything but her mocking, disgusting face. I felt a fear and a vulnerability that I wasn’t used to and couldn’t explain. It’s like she put me in a vacuum and replaced all the oxygen with her laughter.
It reverberated through my soul, making me feel tiny, powerless... weak.
I felt so weak I could barely sit up. I tried to look down at my hands to see if I could move them but my head was frozen and she was all I could see. The fear started to get worse and my chest pounded as I took in short, sharp breaths, desperate for air that she hadn’t tainted or weighed down.
“How are... you... doing this?”
“Doing what Elfida? We’re just having a conversation. Don’t you enjoy my company? I think you need something to calm your nerves. I KNOW! Music!”
Penny grabbed the headphone from round her neck and licked her lips furiously as she placed them on my head. I fought my broken body to stop her but it was pointless, I was completely paralysed.
The sounds that entered my ears and dug into my mind were horrific. Instead of the gentle humming that I had first noticed stepping into the carriage, the headphones blasted screaming and sounds of excruciating pain into my ears.
It was a symphony of distress... torture.. a cacophony of pain... and it made every bone, muscle and organ inside me hurt. I don’t know when I started to wail, but I did.
“That’s it, be part of the music!!!” I read on Penny’s lips, glee written all over her face, unable to hear her over the unimaginable screeching.
I hadn’t felt fear like that before. A thousand abstract thoughts crossed my mind as I searched for something to distract me from the pain. What if I never even made it to Thistle Park? What if I died here, on this train, at the hands of a dirty teenage girl?
What if Irene was out there and I couldn’t save her?
The black splotches blocking out the view behind Penny grew, taking over her face as I screamed and pleaded for air, desperate not to die. I felt faint and the world started to blur... she started to blur.
Then a crash.
It came from the back of the carriage and was the result of the doors that connected us to the next car smashing, glass raining down on the floor. Penny turned, breaking the eye contact and providing me with some minor relief. Paralysis waning, I yanked the headphones off and pelted them at the floor, craving the end of the torment.
My vision started to stabilise, and I noticed that the growling man in the corner was turned, facing the two of us as Penny stood, hissing at the newcomers who had burst through the adjoining door. The man had teeth like nothing I’d ever seen before, crowding his mouth and overhanging at sharp points in all directions.
I would’ve usually spent longer inappropriately staring at the man. Even in my line of work, fangs were uncommon, especially ones as mighty as he was sporting. I didn’t get a chance to linger on them, however, I was interrupted.
Penny Screamed.
I tried not to look, hugging my knees to my chest and screwing my eyes up tightly to avoid whatever was terrorising something as terrifying as she was. Her scream was followed by the sounds of ripping and tearing, whimpers and then eventually silence.
“Are you alright, miss?” A young boy’s voice asked, breaking the quiet.
Slowly I opened one eye, noticing spokes and rubber. Penny laid on the floor, no obvious signs of breathing, with what appeared to be tyre patterned wounds across her face and chest.
The entire aisle was littered with bikes. The faceless youth stood at the angles I expected to see them, hoods up and turned just enough to conceal any identifying features.
All except one.
I looked up at my nearest rescuer, finally catching a glimpse of his face after all the wondering. I tried to hide my shock as I did but with what I saw it was a challenging task.
He didn’t just have once face, he had three.

Harm City part 2: Rule of Mayhem

Oh Fuggof was not happy, much as that term could be applied to such a beautiful Lovecraftian beast as herself. The High Matriarch of the Benefactors knew how important it was to keep her subjects distracted, so she had the lesser beings’ training exercises televised. In this case, beings from the newly conquered planet were being hunted by all manner of warriors from across the universe. The city of Baltimore, barely the size of a small Gor’eck village, always seemed to give them trouble.
“Guys,” Oh Fuggof sighed once again. “It’s a single male in a single city. How hard can it be?”
One of her eyes watched the television broadcast as her lowly servitors all clambered to find an answer that would satisfy her.
“And once again,” the announcer, Skroo Yoself said in its giddy voice, “the city of Baltimore has taken far more lives than it logically could! This city just doesn’t wanna- HOLY SHIT! HE CRASHED A GROUND TRANSPORT INTO A FLITTER! ARE YOU SEEING THIS? Ladies, Gentlemen, and everything else watching, this may be the greatest exercise to be televised yet! Never have Ithought that I would witness something like this! Human bulls are strong, but-”
If she wasn’t before, Oh Fuggof was thoroughly annoyed now. Skroo Yoself was a major driving force for public opinions. If it was gushing over some primitive from a backwater world, people were going to follow it. In fact, Oh Fuggof already saw that the betting tables were beginning to skew in favor of this male.
The camera zoomed in, watching a human male run through the streets. It quickly rounded a corner however, and the image was lost.
After a while I managed to normalize my limp into a nice sort of step-flop sort of gait. As I ran through the city, I kept looking over my head for the other flitters. Soon, it occurred to me I needed something to keep the impact off my feet. Uh… um… I looked around feverishly. Perfect! I swung my arm, clotheslining a kid off his skateboard.
“Hey!” he yelled from the ground. “Asshole!”
“SorrykidmylifedependsonitI’lltrytogetthisbacktoyou,” I stammered as I got on the skateboard and zoomed off. Well, fast as I could get with a popped ankle on a skateboard. I wasn’t gonna be doing any tricks here. Next thing I needed was painkillers, and I had an idea to do that.
It was a little hard to skate into a CVS while steering with one foot, but I managed to make it to the pharmacist in the back. Ok, I knew what I was gonna do next was super illegal, so I took a deep breath and fired the ten gauge into the air. Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared at me with a gibbering panic.
The cashier reached under the shelf and pulled a pistol. Now that the police were replaced with the Civil Security, nobody wanted to deal with them, so they dealt with stuff on their own. Unlike the military, those folks didn’t care about collateral damage. That meant issues like me were dealt with in-house, in most places.
I fired over the cashier’s head and he squatted under the counter. Reloading time, so I started yelling my demands while I did. That's me, the multitasker.
“Ok, I don’t wanna hurt anybody, so just give me oxy! I need oxy!” I looked down at my mangled foot. “Quickly! I have to fix this! Now!”
“We can’t just give-”
I gestured with the shotgun, and the pharmacist stopped talking and started rifling through the drawers for the keys to the opiate storage. “Alright, give me a second!”
This was gonna take a while. I feverishly looked outside as the pharmacist fumbled with the keys.
“Oh come- motherfucker… There. Got it.” The pharmacist eventually got the drugs out and dropped a bottle on the counter. I ripped open the bottle and dropped a few oxies on the counter.
“Is anybody a doctor in here?” I crushed up one of the pills and snorted it. It would work faster that way.
One of the dudes on the floor got back up. “I am. I assume you want me to look at your foot?”
I nodded. “Sorry about, you know, this. I can’t stay here long. People are hunting me for sport!” It was the sorry facts, unfortunately. I sat on a counter while the guy took a look.
“You might still feel this.” He went and reset the ankle, and good lord was he right! With the dose of pretty much but not quite heroin in my system, it was dulled, but still hurt like shit. “Now I recommend you keep this elevated-”
“If I survive the day, I’ll keep that in mind.” I shoved the rest of the oxy into my pockets and staggered back to my skateboard just as Civil Security showed up. See, the first thing the Benefactors did when they took over was dismantle all police departments and replace them with security forces loyal to them. Like I’d mentioned, people preferred to deal with their problems themselves than let CS intervene.
And no doubt they’d been tipped off to… me, as well. That would explain why they were so heavily armed. The CS split into two groups, covering both exits. The cops at the front all had their force shields, so I wasn’t gonna shoot my way out. Speaking of, as the CS started shooting, I dropped to the floor, crawling towards the window. Grabbing my skateboard, I crawled over a dead cashier, then smashed out a window and dove through into the alley. There weren’t any CS here, so I just skated away.
I almost thought I was in the clear until one of the CS trucks smashed into me. My skateboard was gone, but I held onto the hood for dear life, shooting back into the cab in panic. I could feel the heels getting shredded off my shoes. Whatever was going on, I must’ve made the driver hit the brakes or something when I shot him, because the truck jerked to a stop, and he flew through the windshield as I flopped to the street. The rest of the CS guys all piled out and started stomping and kicking, or whatever their alien parts allowed them to do.
Now I was still pretty messed up on oxy at this point, so I barely felt it. Somehow I got to my feet and punched one of the security officers in the face. His friends beat the shit out of me.
They scrammed, as all corrupt police do, when they heard gunshots. My eye must’ve been bashed pretty hard, because all I saw were blurry figures. Two picked me up, pulled a bag over my head, and shoved me into a trunk while the others stood guard.
When the bag came off, I was chained to a chair in a basement somewhere, playing witness to a bizarre sight. Two Hasidic Jews stood there, black coats, felt hats and all. One held a baseball bat, and the other had a length of pipe.
“Bit of a putz, isn’t he?” one mused.
“Whatever, Yehuda,” the other one retorted. The height of witty banter. A real class act, these two. “Looks like the schlemiel’s awake, anyways.”
Baseball Bat tapped the bat against his hand menacingly. “You’re the one causing chaos around here, are you not?”
“Huh?”
Baseball Bat swung his eponymous weapon into my chest. Even as oxyed up as I was, the blow made me double over far as I could, coughing. “I think you got the wrong guy!”
“You were found, having robbed a CVS on a stolen skateboard, being beaten to death by Civil Security. I think we have the right guy, Avram.” Sooooo… Avram was Pipe, and Yehuda was Bat? Was I getting this right?
I sighed. “Look, guys. It’s not even, what, Eight? I have been shot at, almost blown up, beaten up, all in less than thirty minutes.”
“And?” Avram leaned on his pipe. “You still did what we said you did, did you not?”
“Blame the Benefactors, not me. I’m just trying to survive.”
At this point, the door opened and a third person walked down. From the silhouette, I guessed it was another one of these guys. Then he stepped into focus, and, well, my one eye was basically bruised shut, but I could have sworn it was my old rabbi.
“Young Zimmerman?”
It was my old rabbi. “Rabbi Eleazar?” He turned to Yehuda and Avram. “What are you doing!? You idiots! Brendan Zimmerman would never go around hurting people like this! Something must be very wrong!” He unchained me from the chair. I rubbed my wrists and rolled my shoulders.
“You two-” Rabbi Eleazar waved the two idiots away. “Upstairs!” The two stooges traipsed upstairs as Rabbi Eleazar pulled up a chair.
“Wow…” I didn’t know what to say. “Didn’t you lose your Rabbinical… license or something? Everyone at the synagogue said it was because you smoked a bowl before every Purim.”
“Not correct.”
“So what was-”
“I smoked a bowl before and after.”
“I see…” This took a surprisingly odd turn, I’ll be the first to admit. “Soooooo… What do you want with me?” The oxy was wearing off, and my ankle hurt like a motherfucker.
“My dear boy,” Rabbi Eleazar laughed. “I’m sure you know of the fragile political meshuggas going on in Baltimore.
Ah yes. After collapsing the police and declaring martial law in the city, the Benefactors thought they were gonna roll right over this place. Not so. The gangs all banded together and militarized. You had Jewish gangsters working with Armenian loansharks working with Irish mobsters, so on and so forth. It was kinda funny. All it took for everyone to get along was another bad guy.
"So, what. You want me to rough up the Benefactors or something?”
“Nothing so crude.” Rabbi Eleazar laughed. “No. They’re already hunting you. If you have to die, you are going to take so many of those putzes with you that they’ll never set foot in this city again.”
Well, that was morbid. “I kind of want to figure out what’s happening first,” I admitted. “Then we can do your… thing after that. Promise.”
“Hm…” Rabbi Eleazar thought a moment. “You’ll want to find Tommy Tiernan, then, boychik. He works out of Orpheus, but that’s on the other side of town. Around Charles Street-”
“It’s on Pratt street.”
“Pratt Street. Right. I knew that. Anyways, You’re not gonna make it on foot. That whole area’s crazy heavily guarded.”
“Um… Let me think,” I thought. “The Benefactors don’t have any sort of navy. They avoid the water. We could go down to the Inner Harbor and then just cut onto Pratt Street from there.”
“You’ll want to take the trains.” Rabbi Eleazar pulled out an ancient rotary telephone. “You aren’t going to make it on foot. Lemme make a few calls.” Avram and Yehuda came back in while Rabbi Eleazar called up Moishe, Gavriel, and Lev. Apparently they were bringing the boys.
My old rabbi must’ve had a lot of clout or something, because these guys showed up quick. Anyways, once we had twenty or so guys, we set out. We must’ve made quite a sight, a bunch of heavily armed gangsters all walking down the street. I half expected Civil Security to meet us at the train station. No need to pay for a train ticket this time, of course. We all just jumped the gate and got on the southbound train. A few gangsters got in each train car, from what I could see.
I stepped into the train car with Rabbi Eleazar and, quote, his boy, Moishe. “Alright, everybody,” Moishe called as he made his guns very, very visible. I pulled out my own ten gauge and pointed it in the air. People screamed as they ran for the exits.
At long last, the train started moving. I had a few stops before Charles Street Station.
"So how'd you go from my rabbi to..." I gestured around. "This?"
Rabbi Eleazar laughed. "Some old friends of mine. We all grew up in a very orthodox part of town together. When the Benefactors came, we all worked to help each other out."
That’s when my luck ran out. Through the window to the forward, still-populated cars, I could see Civil Security checking peoples’ IDs.
“Rabbi.” I tugged on his sleeve. “Rabbi!”
“Yes, boychik?” Rabbi Eleazar raised his… grenade launcher and looked in the direction I was pointing. “Ah, this is not good. Not good at all.” He got on his phone and soon all his guys streamed in.
The door to our traincar slid Open. I knew for a fact we looked suspiciously empty in here. This wasn’t good. In the doorway stood one of the Civil Security officers.
“You will give me your ID’s,” it said in its blank, monotone voice. “I think not,” Moishe said as more CS guys showed. “Oh, fuck this shit!” He drew his Desert Eagle and fired it an inch from the first guy’s head, splattering it against the window. “Run!”
I tried to scram, only one of the CS guys to tackle me.
“It’s him! The bull!” The alien yelled as something jabbed into my side. My boxcutter! This was nice. It was still clipped to my belt. I held the alien by the neck as the four jaws in its mouth slid open, revealing a barbed tongue. It hissed as I grabbed my cutter and started jabbing.
Ok, I’ll admit, it wasn’t a pretty little throat slit or whatever. It was a panic stab. I started and just kept stabbing. Whatever, right? Once it flopped over, I stood up. “Oh, you motherfucker!” The next guy’s head, I slammed into the pole in the middle of the train just as Rabbi Eleazar loaded his grenade launcher.
“Everybody get down!” It turns out those Vietnam grenade launchers really do go off with a bloop. One of the CS soldiers was slammed into the corner before exploding, blowing out the windows and splattering the traincar with gore. Bright green gore. Acid green gore.
I didn’t care. Far worse things had happened today for me to care about icky green goo. My ears were ringing, but I think I was ok. With a yell, I grabbed a dazed soldier, throwing it through a window just as the train went underground.
“Oh shit!” I ducked as another soldier opened fire. This just wouldn’t do, now would it? While Rabbi Eleazar and Moishe grappled with their own aliens, I kicked my own annoyance towards the window. Its helmet scraped the exposed tunnel wall, shattering. See, the Light Rail trains zoom along at 60 miles an hour. Concrete isn’t gonna be forgiving at that speed. The alien was thrown to the floor.
My heart sank. He’d drawn his knife. The thing ran at me. As he swung, I grabbed its arm, throwing it against one of the poles as the train emerged from the tunnel. Once it got up, I grabbed it, throwing it against the shattered window.
Oh geez… its throat was sliced open on the glass. With a shove, I sawed its throat further open. That was that, I suppose. We were out of bad guys at that point. Just as well… We went into another tunnel, finally arriving at Charles Center. Once we got off the train and bounded up over the turnstiles, without paying, oh the horror, it was a two block walk, a left turn, and another three block walk to the elevated walkways.
It wasn’t that easy, of course. Soon as we left the subway station, CS was waiting for us. I took cover behind a bench as bolts of red shot over me. When I returned fire of my own, one of the Civil Security guys was blown away. Rabbi E, Moishe and I slowly advanced down the street, making our way to the inner harbor.
See, the Inner Harbor was once a major tourist destination, but now it was a no-go zone for the Benefactors, and travel there was incredibly restricted. The place was more or less a self-governing state now. There was a shantytown erected on the harbor itself, with the Science Center and other museums converted into schools, hospitals, and all the other things a rogue state built into a small harbor needed.
Once we made it to the walkways, Eleazar turned to me. “I can’t go any further, Boychik,” he said sadly. “They don’t really like me in here.”
I didn’t know what to say, but my ankle was hurting like crazy, so I popped another oxy. “Thank you for the help,” I slurred.
“Yeah, yeah, not a problem.” Moishe picked up a garbage pail and yeeted it into a CS officer’s face.
I turned and ran up the stairs to the walkway as more officers gave chase, dropping from flitters. I dropped to the floor, grabbing one of them and throwing the motherfucker over the side into the water. Aside from water being toxic to Benefactors, the water of the bay in particular was poisonous to humans. That double dose of poison basically melted the guy’s skin off.
Now, I just had to make it to the other side of the elevated walkways. The CS would chase me no further.
Easier said than done. I jumped over the side of one walkway down to another, firing up through the railings. As the CS gave chase, I ran for it, rounding a corner.
“Aw shit.” I was surrounded. There were CS coming up the stairs, and down the stairs. Not good. I fired my last shell into the downstairs ones, then ducked under a punch and swung the empty shotgun into an alien’s knee. As it went down, I smashed its helmeted head against the railing, shattering the helmet.
I drew my box cutter and got to work, stabbing, cutting, sawing and generally just brutalizing the aliens. As a final coup de grace, I extended the blade all the way and swung, jabbing it through an alien’s cheek. The CS officer stood there dumbly, before swinging its head to the side, snapping off the blade. It picked me up, blade in cheek, and threw me over the side to the lower walkway. I got up as it jumped down after me and grabbed me and held me down by my face.
“Human citizen Brendan Zimmerman,” it hissed. “You stand guilty of five counts of evading Benefactor personnel, fifteen counts of general mayhem and public unr- AAAAAAAARRRRRGH!” The aaarrgh wasn’t the charge or anything, I had bitten its finger off and spat it back in its face. While the alien was distracted, I unloaded on its face, beating the four eyed scaly beast to a pulp. I was so pissed off at that point I just yanked the blade out, tearing open my fingers, and cutting its eyes open.
And it was like that, torn open fingertips, gimpy leg, splattered with eye goo, I walked to safety.
Previous

Brazilian Big12 series, Episode 10/12: Palmeiras

Previous episodes: Flamengo, Vasco, Fluminense, Grêmio, Botafogo, Atlético Mineiro, Internacional, Corinthians, Santos
In this series I will present each of the 12 Brazilian teams that together compose the "Big 12". My point is to make them more knowledgeable to you, since each one of these teams have their share of the Brazil national team success and of Brazilian club football accomplishments as a whole. I'll try to be as smooth, efficient and non-boring as I can. If the feedback is positive, I'll keep bringing more to this series. So ok, let's do this!
Method: I'll present the teams in a chronological order, from the oldest foundation (Flamengo-1895) to the latest one (São Paulo-1930). The order will be: Flamengo, Vasco, Fluminense, Grêmio, Botafogo, Atlético Mineiro, Internacional, Corinthians, Santos, Palmeiras, Cruzeiro, São Paulo. How many of these have you heard of?
Extra clubs: Due to a high number of requests, I'll also present 3 teams who don't belong to the Big12, but are also considered big clubs in Brazil: Bahia, Athletico Paranaense and Coritiba. Welcome to the club!
Geographical reference: Before we start, I'd like to ask something very simple from you. I want you to keep in mind that these 12 teams are spread in 4 different States in Brazil. The club's State name is written below, next to the club's name. It has a direct link to Google Maps, so that you can check it out to make this experience more accurate.

Episode 10/12: Palmeiras (State: São Paulo), founded in 1914

State rivals: Corinthians, São Paulo, Santos

Stadium: Allianz Parque (New) / Parque Antarctica (Old)

Mascot: Pig

Major achievements: 1 Copa Rio (1951), 1 Copa Libertadores (1999), 10 Brazilian Leagues (1960, 1967, 1967, 1969, 1972, 1973, 1993, 1994, 2016, 2018), 3 Copa do Brasil (1998, 2012, 2015), 1 Copa Mercosul (1998)

State League titles: 23 (Against Corinthians' 30, Santos' 22, São Paulo's 21)

PLAY AND LISTEN TO PALMEIRAS ANTHEM WHILE READING - Click here
Palestra Italia and the first decades
Palmeiras was founded as Palestra Italia in 1914, by Italian immigrants in São Paulo. In the 1920s, they acquired the ground of the Antarctica company, which included the Parque Antarctica stadium. On this decade, Palestra won 3 State Leagues and finished 2nd on three other opportunities. At this time and until 1959, there wasn't a national league yet, due to Brazil's huge size and weak infrastructure, so the State Leagues were the main tournament, which Palestra would win 5 more times in the 1930s. They also won the 1st edition of the prestigious Rio-São Paulo Tournament, a regional league attended by big teams from São Paulo and Rio only.
1942: World War II and Palestra becomes Palmeiras
Brazil were neutral in the 2nd World War until 1942, when they declared war against the Axis (Italy, Germany, Japan). This forced every club name related to these countries to be reconsidered, so Palestra Italia became Palestra.
However, the Brazilian government demanded that Palestra was also removed from the club's name, despite it being a greek word. Palmeiras was then adopted, to keep the letter P and in honor of the Associação Atlética das Palmeiras, an extinct club that helped Palestra on their early days.
In the 1940s, they won 4 more State Leagues titles, but were still behind their rival Corinthians on the overall counting - they would only surpass Corinthians in State League titles for the first time in 1972, keeping the record until 1982, to never surpass them again.
1951: Copa Rio, Palmeiras' first club world title
The Copa Rio was the first attempt of a club world cup, preceding the creation of the Intercontinental Cup in 1960.

Group	Club	Qualification
A	Palmeiras	1950 State League champion
B	Vasco (Brazil)	1950 State League champion
A	Juventus (Italy)	1950 Serie A champion
B	Sporting (Portugal)	1950 Portuguese League champion
A	Red Star (Yugoslavia)	1950 Yugoslavia Cup champion
B	Austria Wien (Austria)	1950 Austrian League champion
A	Nice (France)	1951 French League champion
B	Nacional (Uruguay)	1950 Uruguayan League champion

Palmeiras placed 2nd inside their group, beating Nice 3-0, Red Star 2-1 and losing to Juventus 0-4. In the semis, they beat Vasco 2-1 and tied 0-0 in the return leg, before facing Juventus in the final.

Stage	Result	Attendance	Venue
Final	Palmeiras 1-0 Juventus	56.961	Maracanã
Final	Palmeiras 2-2 Juventus	100.093	Maracanã

In the final 2nd leg, Juventus opened the score at '18, but Palmeiras tied at '47. Juventus scored again at '63, but Palmeiras equalized it at '77. The match ended 2-2, and Palmeiras were crowned club world champions.
The 1960s: the first Academy of Football
After the Copa Rio title in 1951, Palmeiras won one more Rio-São Paulo Tournament in 1951 and one State League title in 1959, beating Pelé's Santos 2-1 on the last and decisive match.
In the 1960s, the Brazilian press gave Palmeiras the alias Academy of Football, due to the extreme class and technique of their teams. Players of the caliber of Ademir da Guia, Djalma Santos, Dudu, Julinho Botelho, Zequinha and Tupãzinho won Palmeiras several titles in the 1960s: 4 Brazilian Leagues (1960, 1967, 1967, 1969), 2 State Leagues (1963, 1966) and 1 Rio-São Paulo Tournament (1965). The 1960s Palmeiras are notably known for stopping Pelé's Santos from winning almost everything in the decade.

Player	Period	Apps	Goals	Brazil NT caps	Goals	World Cup att.
Ademir da Guia	1962-77	902	153	14	-	1 (1974)
Dudu	1964-75	609	25	13	1	-
Julinho Botelho	1958-67	269	81	24	11	1 (1954)
Djalma Santos	1959-68	498	10	100	3	4 (1954, 1958, 1962, 1966)
Zequinha	1958-68	417	40	16	2	1 (1962)
Tupãzinho	1963-68	231	122	-	-	-

They also reached two Copa Libertadores finals: in 1961, Palmeiras lost to Peñarol (0-1, 1-1), and in 1968, to Estudiantes (1-2, 3-1, 0-2).
The 1970s: the second Academy of Football
The second wave of Palmeiras' Football Academy took place in the 1970s. Still led by Ademir da Guia and Dudu, the club was reinforced by Luís Pereira, Leivinha, César Maluco and Leão.

Player	Period	Apps	Goals	Brazil NT caps	Goals	World Cup att.
Luís Pereira	1968-75	346	19	38	1	1 (1974)
Leivinha	1971-75	268	108	27	7	1 (1974)
César Maluco	1967-75	327	182	13	1	1 (1974)
Leão	1968-78	617	-	105	-	4 (1970, 1974, 1978, 1986)

Together at Palmeiras, these monsters won 2 Brazilian Leagues (1972, 1973) and 2 State Leagues (1972, 1974). In the 1974 World Cup, Palmeiras provided Brazil with 6 players (Leão, Luís Pereira, Leivinha, César Maluco, Ademir da Guia and Alfredo), finishing in the 4th place.
In the end, the Palmeiras Academy won the same number of Brasileirão titles as Pelé's Santos (6) and reached the same number of Copa Libertadores finals (2). However, they won 6 fewer State League titles (4x10).
Highlights to the 1973 Brazilian League title, with only 3 defeats in 40 matches. In the final stage, Palmeiras beat 1-0 the strong Cruzeiro of Nelinho, Piazza, Palhinha and Dirceu Lopes, away at the Mineirão stadium, with this goal from Edu Bala at '74. Then they beat 2-1 another strong team, the Internacional of Figueroa, Carpegiani, Valdomiro, Falcão, Claudiomiro and Escurinho. After Internacional opened the score, Palmeiras tied at '77 with Ronaldo and Luís Pereira scored the winning goal at '80. On the last match, a 0-0 tie against São Paulo was enough for Palmeiras to be declared Brazilian champions for the 6th time. Only 35 years later, in 2008, would a new team (São Paulo FC) reach the number of 6 Brazilian League titles.
In 1974, Palmeiras met their archrival Corinthians in the State League final. Corinthians were on a 20-year title drought (since 1954) and desperately needed a trophy. In front of 122.522 supporters at the Morumbi stadium, Palmeiras won the final 1-0, with this goal from Ronaldo, and left their rivals trophyless for one more season.
In 1976, Palmeiras won their last title before a drought that would last until 1993. They won the 1976 State League title against XV de Piracicaba, 1-0 at home. It would also be Ademir da Guia last title at the club, before he left in 1977.
1993-2000: the Parmalat Era
Between 1976 and 1993, Palmeiras didn't win a single title, finishing 2nd in one Brazilian League (1978) and in two State Leagues (1986, 1992).
In 1992, however, the Italian company Parmalat signed a huge deal with the club, bringing expensive and talented players. In 1993 already, they won 1 State League, 1 Rio-São Paulo Tournament and 1 Brazilian League. In 1994, they once again won the State and the Brazilian Leagues. Until the end of the decade, they would win one more State League (1996), one Copa do Brasil (1998), one Copa Mercosul (1998), one Rio-São Paulo Tournament (2000), one Copa dos Campeões (2000), and the most important title, the 1999 Copa Libertadores. Therefore, in 8 years (93-2000), Palmeiras won 2 continental titles, 4 national trophies, 3 state leagues and 2 interstate tournaments - totalizing 11 major titles.
The coach appointed to start this new era of the club was Luxemburgo, who had done good works for Bragantino, winning the Serie B in 1989 and the 1990 São Paulo State League. He stayed at the club from 1993 to 1994, and in 1996.
1993-94: back-to-back State and Brazilian League titles
The 16-year title drought ended in the 1993 State League final against their archrival Corinthians. On the 1st leg, a 0-1 defeat, with a historical teasing by Corinthians' forward Viola, who imitated a pig when celebrating his goal. On the return leg, Palmeiras smashed them with a 4-0 victory (6mn33 video), with goals from Evair (2x), Edilson and Zinho.
Two months later, they won the Rio-São Paulo Tournament, again against Corinthians (2-0 and 0-0). In the Brazilian League, Palmeiras dominated with 81% of points, and only 2 defeats in 22 matches. In the final against Vitória, two victories: 1-0 away with a goal from Edilson, and 2-0 at home, with goals from Evair and Edmundo. Palmeiras became Brazilian champions for the 7th time, the first club to achieve so - the second would be Santos in 2002, then Corinthians in 2017 and Flamengo in 2019.
Four Palmeiras' players were elected to the League Best XI: Antônio Carlos, Roberto Carlos, César Sampaio and Edmundo.
Of the 1993 team, three great players were there since 1991: César Sampaio, Amaral and Evair. Parmalat brought Antônio Carlos, Cléber, Roberto Carlos, Mazinho, Edílson, Zinho and Edmundo. All of them (except Amaral, Cléber and Evair) played at least 25 matches for the Brazil NT, with two winning the 1994 World Cup (Zinho, Mazinho), three reaching the 1998 World Cup final (Roberto Carlos, César Sampaio, Edmundo) and two winning the 2002 World Cup (Roberto Carlos, Edilson).

Player	Period	Apps	Goals	Brazil NT caps	Goals	World Cup att.
Antônio Carlos	1993-95	58	5	37	3	-
Cléber	1993-99	372	21	13	-	-
Roberto Carlos	1993-95	162	20	126	12	3 (1998, 2002, 2006)
Amaral	1991-97	107	3	12	-	-
César Sampaio	1991-94, 99-00	304	25	47	6	1 (1998)
Mazinho	1992-94	127	2	35	-	1 (1994)
Edílson	1993-95	151	59	25	6	1 (2002)
Zinho	1992-94, 97-99, 01-02	460	95	57	7	1 (1994)
Edmundo	1993-95, 06-07	269	141	39	10	1 (1998)
Evair	1991-94, 99	245	126	11	5	-

In 1994, the team increased with the arrivals of Rincón, from América de Cali, Flávio Conceição, from Rio Branco and Rivaldo, from Mogi Mirim.
They began the season winning the 1994 State League, gathering 78% of the points, and losing only three times in 30 matches.
In the 1994 Brazilian League, Palmeiras led the 1st stage and then won 5 of the 6 knock-out matches. They beat Bahia twice in the QF (2-1, 2-1), and the strong Guarani of Luizão, Djalminha and Amoroso twice in the SF (3-1, 2-1).
In the big final against Corinthians, Rivaldo opened the score with this nice goal at '45. He scored again at '63, and Edmundo this nice 3-0 goal at '65. The match ended 3-1, and Palmeiras only needed a tie in the 2nd leg - which ended 1-1, with Rivaldo scoring the tie at '81.
Palmeiras were back-to-back Brazilian League champions, and had now 8 National League titles, a record only reached in 2004 by Santos.
Four Palmeiras' players were elected to the League's Best XI: Cléber, Roberto Carlos, Zinho and Rivaldo.

Player	Period	Apps	Goals	Brazil NT caps	Goals	World Cup att.
Rincón (Colombia)	1994, 96-97	93	30	84	17	3 (1990, 1994, 1998)
Flávio Conceição	1994-96	103	5	45	4	-
Rivaldo	1994-96	97	78	74	37	2 (1998, 2002)

However, in the 1994 Copa Libertadores, Palmeiras were knocked out by São Paulo in the ro16 (0-0, 1-2), but they applied a sonorous 6-1 victory against Boca Juniors, with this great goal by Roberto Carlos, assisted by Evair.
The team got dismantled, and in 1995 they only finished 2nd in the State League, 5th in the Brazilian League, and got epically knocked out in the Copa Libertadores quarter-finals against Grêmio (0-5, 5-1).
The 1996 superteam: 102 goals/30 matches and State League champions
In 1996, the coach Luxemburgo returned to Palmeiras, after a year span at Flamengo.
From the 1993-94 Palmeiras squad, Velloso, Cléber, Amaral, Flavio Conceição and Rivaldo remained.
New stars arrived at the club: Cafu from Real Zaragoza, Júnior from Vitória, Müller from Kashiwa Reysol, and Luizão and Djalminha from Guarani.
Together, they gathered 92% of the points, winning 27 of the 30 State League matches, scoring 102 goals and conceding only 19. Since a 100%-rate title campaign in 1932, the closest a team got to this 92% rate record were 1961 and 1965 Pelé's Santos with 87%, 1945/1953 São Paulo, 1939/1951 Corinthians and 1933/1934/1942/1947 Palmeiras with 88%, and 1946 São Paulo with 90%.
In terms of goals scored, they rank #9 in the history of the tournament, and have the highest record since 1962.

Player	Period	Apps	Goals	Brazil NT caps	Goals	World Cup att.
Cafu	1995-97	101	13	149	5	4 (1994, 1998, 2002, 2006)
Júnior	1996-00	337	20	22	1	1 (2002)
Müller	1995-96	69	38	59	12	3 (1986, 1990, 1994)
Luizão	1996-97	91	56	17	3	1 (2002)
Djalminha	1996-97	83	45	14	5	-

With the departures of Flávio Conceição, Rivaldo and Müller, Palmeiras had a certain quality drop. Nevertheless, they still finished 2nd to Cruzeiro in the Copa do Brasil (1-1, 1-2).
Luxemburgo left at the end of the season for a bigger salary at Santos. He won 149 of 232 matches (64% win rate), lost 36 matches (16%), and had an overall rate of 71%.
The 1997 season was a bit below due to the lack of titles, but Palmeiras finished 2nd on the league, and reached the semi-finals of the Copa do Brasil, of the State League and of the Rio-São Paulo Tournament. But it was the arrival of the coach Scolari, the Felipão, in mid-1997 that would ignite Palmeiras into higher flights.
1998-2000: the Felipão (Scolari) Era
In this period, Palmeiras won 2 continental titles (1998 Mercosul, 1999 Libertadores), 2 national cups (1998 Copa do Brasil, 2000 Copa dos Campeões) and 1 regional league (2000 Rio-São Paulo Tournament). They also finished 2nd in 1 club world cup (1999 Intercontinental Cup), 3 continental cups (1999 and 2000 Copa Mercosul, 2000 Libertadores) and 1 state league (1999 Paulista).
With the 1996-97 team dismantled, Scolari rebuilt the team by using more Marcos, Roque Júnior and Galeano, and bringing Arce, Junior Baiano, Oséas, Paulo Nunes, Euller and of course, the maestro number 10 Alex - the most capped Brazilian player (49) not to be called to a World Cup.

Player	Period	Apps	Goals	Brazil NT caps	Goals	World Cup att.
Marcos	1992-2012	534	-	29	-	1 (2002)
Roque Júnior	1995-00	206	15	48	2	1 (2002)
Júnior Baiano	1998-99	72	16	25	2	1 (1998)
Arce (Paraguay)	1998-02	242	57	61	5	2 (1998, 2002)
Galeano	1989-02	477	27	-	-	-
Oséas	1997-99	172	65	2	-	-
Paulo Nunes	1998-99	138	73	2	-	-
Euller	1997-00	115	39	7	3	-
Alex	1997-00, 2002	200	60	49	12	-

The team lacked the offensive talent and quality of the previous generations, but had a more solid defense. Palmeiras supporters wanted the Copa Libertadores more than anything - their state rivals Santos and São Paulo had two already, as well as Grêmio, while Flamengo, Vasco and Cruzeiro had one each. Scolari had the experience of winning the Libertadores in 1995, with Grêmio, along with the Paraguayan right-back Arce and the forward Paulo Nunes that he brought to Palmeiras.
The first step was the 1998 Copa do Brasil, which would give one Libertadores spot. Palmeiras didn't have difficulties until the semi-finals against Santos: they tied 1-1 at home, and Santos opened the score in the return leg. With these two nice goals, Palmeiras overcame the score 2-1 and left with a 2-2 tie that put them on the final, against Cruzeiro. They lost the 1st leg 0-1 away, and opened the score at '12 with Paulo Nunes in the 2nd leg. At '89, Oséas scored the second and title goal after a free-kick, as Palmeiras became Copa do Brasil champions for the first time.
Later that year, Palmeiras destroyed their Copa Mercosul group: 2-1 Independiente (Argentina), 5-0 Nacional (Uruguay), 2-1 U. de Chile (Chile), 3-0 Independiente (Argentina), 3-1 Nacional (Uruguay), 1-0 U. de Chile (Chile). Highlights to this assist by left-back Júnior against Nacional from Uruguay.
With their reserves, they beat Boca Juniors 3-1 in Brazil, and tied 1-1 in Argentina, for the quarter-finals. Olimpia from Paraguay didn't offer problems in the semis: 2-0 and 1-0 to Palmeiras. In the final against Cruzeiro, Palmeiras lost 1-2 away in the 1st leg. At home in the 2nd leg, Cruzeiro opened the score at '3, but Palmeiras overcame with Cléber at '8, Oséas at '52 and Paulo Nunes at '85. On the 3rd match, this goal from Arce at '62, at home, gave Palmeiras their first continental-second tier title, the 1998 Copa Mercosul.
The 1999 Copa Libertadores title
After finishing 2nd twice in their golden era (1961, 1968), Palmeiras finally conquered South America, with 7W-2D-5L.
Palmeiras shared their group stage with archrival Corinthians and the Paraguayans Cerro Porteño and Olimpia. At that time, three teams would advance, and Palmeiras qualified in the 2nd place, behind Corinthians.
In the ro16, they met the current champions Vasco, of Juninho, Ramón, Donizete and Luizão. They only tied 1-1 at home, and saw Vasco open the score at the Maracanã. Palmeiras scored twice, before conceding the second goal. In the second half, Palmeiras scored twice again, and won the match 4-2.
The derby against Corinthians in the quarter-finals saw two same results: 2-0 and 0-2. Their rival could have scored once in the 1st leg though, at '78, if this crazy shot that hit the upper post and then the back of goalkeeper Marcos had gone a few centimeters into the other side. In the penalties, Palmeiras won 4-2, with Dinei missing the target and Marcos saving Vampeta's shot.
In the semis against River Plate, Palmeiras left Argentina with a 0-1 defeat. At home, in Brazil, Alex opened the score with this great goal, and two minutes later, Palmeiras scored the second with Roque Junior. In the 2nd half, Marcos kept the goal safe, and Alex closed the Argentine coffin with this fine touch.
In the big final against Deportivo Cali, they lost the first leg away 0-1 like in the semis. At home, Palmeiras opened the score only at '65, from this penalty kick, but Deportivo tied 5 minutes later, also from a penalty kick. Five minutes later, however, Palmeiras scored the second with Oséas, and the title would be decided in the penalties.
Palmeiras missed the first shot with Zinho, hitting the upper post, while Deportivo scored. Both teams scored the second and third shots. Palmeiras scored the fourth, and Deportivo hit the right post. Euller scored the fifth, and Zapata lost Deportivo's final penalty. Palmeiras conquered South America for the first time in their history.
This title qualified Palmeiras to the 1999 Intercontinental Cup in Japan, against European champions Manchester United.
Palmeiras played a far better match than the Red Devils, but this unfortunate mistake by goalkeeper Marcos let them open the score at '35. Palmeiras also had this wrongly disallowed goal at '50, and Oséas missed this absurd opportunity at '74.
In 2000, Palmeiras kept the good shape, and began the season winning the Rio-São Paulo Tournament, beating 4-0 the strong Vasco of Edmundo and Romario in the final.
Five months later, they won the Copa dos Campeões, after beating Cruzeiro (3-1, 1-1), Flamengo (1-2, 1-0) and Sport (2-1), therefore picking a spot in the 2001 Copa Libertadores.
But the peak of the season was the Libertadores, which they finished in the 2nd place, losing to Boca Juniors in the final (2-2, 0-0), in the penalties (2-4).
First, Saint Marcos (Palmeiras goalkeeper), saved two penalties in a clutch moment against Peñarol in the ro16.
In the semis, the biggest derby in South American history: Palmeiras met their archrival Corinthians, current back-to-back Brazilian League champions, of the stars Dida, Kléber, Vampeta, Ricardinho, Marcelinho Carioca, Edilson and Luizão, once again in the knock-outs, just like in 1999. The first leg was a crazy 4-3 match in Corinthians' favor and the second leg, another crazy 3-2 match in Palmeiras favor. In the penalties, nobody had missed their shot, until Corinthians biggest idol, Marcelinho Carioca, had his penalty saved by Saint Marcos, who put Palmeiras in the final. No other derby played in South America have been higher than Corinthians x Palmeiras encounters in the 1999 and 2000 Copa Libertadores knock-out stages.
Unfortunately, the final against Boca Juniors was a refereeing disgrace: Boca had one goal wrongly disallowed and Palmeiras had at least two penalties not awarded in the 2nd leg at home, which ended 0-0, leading to penalties. Palmeiras played better football, while Boca parked the bus.
2001-2013: end of Parmalat Era, and humble times
In this period, Palmeiras got relegated twice (2002, 2012), won 1 State League (2008) and 1 Copa do Brasil (2012).
The peak of this period was the controversial elimination by Riquelme's Boca in the 2001 Copa Libertadores semi-finals: on the 1st leg in Argentina (2-2), the referee invented this penalty to Boca, which Schelotto scored, and he didn't concede a clear penalty in Palmeiras' favor on Fernando, sending the player off for "simulation". Boca were a great team, but it is generally agreed in Brazil - even by rivals - that Palmeiras was better, and if not for the referees shameful displays in 2000 and 2001, they would very likely end up with 3 consecutive Libertadores titles (1999, 2000, 2001).
In 2002, Alex scored this masterpiece of a goal against Rogério Ceni's São Paulo.
In 2009, Palmeiras led the Brazilian League for 19 rounds, but ended up in the 5th place, not even qualifying to the Copa Libertadores.
2014-today
In 2014, centenary year of the club, their new stadium Allianz Parque was inaugurated.
In 2015, Palmeiras won their 3rd Copa do Brasil title on the penalties (4-3) against Santos, in a crazy final. The 1st leg in Santos ended 0-1, with their rival missing the opportunity of the century at '95. In the 2nd leg, Palmeiras scored their second goal (2-0) at '84, but Santos scored at '86, leading it to the penalties, won 4-3 by Palmeiras.
In 2016 and 2018, Palmeiras won their 9th and 10th Brazilian League titles, a national record. They were led by the league MVP Gabriel Jesus in 2016 and by the most recent club idol Dudu in 2016 and 2018. They also finished second in 2017, and reached the Copa Libertadores semi-finals in 2018, losing to Boca Juniors (0-2, 2-2).

Player	Period	Apps	Goals	Assists	Brazil NT caps	Goals	World Cup att.
Gabriel Jesus	2015-16	83	28	10	39	18	1 (2018)
Dudu	2015-20	305	70	75	3	1	-

As of 2020, the club won the State League (0-0, 1-1, p.k. 4-3) after 12 years, against their archrival Corinthians, coached by Luxemburgo and led by the young midfielder Patrick de Paula. Gabriel Menino and Gabriel Verón are the other young bets of the club for this season.
To this day, Palmeiras has the 4th largest fanbase in Brazil with 12 million supporters, and a stadium attendance average of 28.000, as of 2019.
If you have any questions about Brazilian football, feel free to join us at futebol, where you'll be very welcomed!

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I never missed a day of smoking for 15 years. Now I’m 15 days clean. Yes, I’m “that guy” that nobody would expect to quit.

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Episode 10/12: Palmeiras (State: São Paulo), founded in 1914

State rivals: Corinthians, São Paulo, Santos

Stadium: Allianz Parque (New) / Parque Antarctica (Old)

Mascot: Pig

Major achievements: 1 Copa Rio (1951), 1 Copa Libertadores (1999), 10 Brazilian Leagues (1960, 1967, 1967, 1969, 1972, 1973, 1993, 1994, 2016, 2018), 3 Copa do Brasil (1998, 2012, 2015), 1 Copa Mercosul (1998)

State League titles: 23 (Against Corinthians' 30, Santos' 22, São Paulo's 21)

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