New deaths by county: 99 F Christian, 83 M Marshall, 84 F Jefferson, 50 M Jefferson, 81 F Jefferson
[Mods: Today’s update was 90% about the Breonna Taylor Case. The Governor, Sec. J. Michael Brown, and State Representative Booker spoke today their thoughts. The questions were also about the case. COVID updates are listed below the Questions, and the Gov requested that COVID questions wait until tomorrow. Thanks.] Comment with daily numbers
Full Notes Good afternoon Kentucky. We're going to start today by several of us making comments on the announcement today from the grand jury and from the Attorney General on the Breonna Taylor investigation. And then after those comments and any questions I'm going to provide a brief COVID report. As Governor, you can do a lot of things and some people think you can do just about anything. But as Governor I cannot control decisions made by an attorney general's office, I cannot control decisions made by a grand jury, and I don't lead local law enforcement offices. But what I can control is how I lead, what I say, what I am committed to doing. I start with the humility and acknowledgement, that I will never feel the weight of 400 years of slavery, segregation, and Jim Crow. I will never personally feel that weight but I can listen. And I can try to hear. And I can be clear: That systematic racism exists in this world, in this country, and in our Commonwealth. It exists in unequal access to health care, in disproportionate incarceration rates, and it impacts everything: from wealth, earnings, education, even how long we live on this earth. My faith teaches me that injustices and inequalities must be addressed. The world that God calls on us to build is one without racism. One without oppression. One without violence. Since the start of my administration we have worked to combat some of these inequalities. We've restored voting rights, we've protected and expanded health care, and we have built an inclusive team. But as I listen, and as I try to hear, I know that there is so much more work to be done. There are hundreds of years of pain to be addressed. And my job is to continue to listen, to try to hear, and to do everything I can to build the type of world that I think everybody's kids deserve; one where we live up to our true values, one where we live up to our faith, one where we try to make a dream talked about many decades ago, closer to reality.
Today, the Attorney General announced a mixture of the findings of his investigation and the decisions of the grand jury. We appreciate his communication with us leading up to the announcement, it allowed us to take steps that we needed to take regarding Louisville, and communication leading all the way up to the announcement. And in the announcement he described the investigation. But he talked about information, facts, evidence that neither I nor the general public, have seen. I believe that the public deserves this information. So I previously made what I would call a suggestion to the Attorney General, and now I'm making the request, that he post online all the information, evidence, and facts that he can release without impacting the three felony indictments. The three felony counts in the indictment issued today. Everyone can, and should, be informed. And those that are currently feeling frustration, feeling hurt, they deserve to know more. I trust Kentuckians, they deserve to see the facts, for themselves, and I believe that the ability to process those facts helps everybody. And I believe that no matter what somebody's perspective is on today's announcement, that they believe having the full amount of information out there, and these have been posted by other prosecutors across the nation in different situations, is hopefully something that can help us talk to each other. Help us heal, help us move forward, and help us always to make improvements. I'm going to turn it over to someone who I get to work with every day, someone whose advice I've relied upon, that has been a district judge, has been the deputy attorney general, has been someone that has experienced more than I could ever claim to: and that is Jay Michael Brown once he’s done we're gonna hear from Representative Booker.
(Sec Brown takes over:) Thank you Governor. I'm not expecting to stand here today, it's a different role for me, this situation. But over these last few weeks many times as we sat in his office and we've discussed what's going on, not just in Louisville, but in the world. The governor looked to me, I think because of not only have I spent 4 decades in the law, I've lived through a lot of things, having been blessed to be 71 years old now.
I've seen assassinations of John F Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Robert Kennedy, and Malcolm X. I've seen disturbances in the street. I was born before Brown versus Board of Education. I was alive when the Civil Rights Act passed. I served my country in a time when we were supposedly changing hearts and minds and thought that was the right thing to do at the time, don't regret it. But I've come to recognize that sometimes the effort to just change hearts and minds is not enough. That we really need to change behavior. The criminal justice system right now needs certain changes, not just in behavior, but in process. I think the first involves some technological issues. There are rules of evidence that were developed sometimes hundreds of years ago that hasn't caught up to technology that was developed in the last 10 minutes so much. I also believe that the public has developed an expectation, rightfully so, that government, and those in the criminal justice system, will present to them information that they can understand, in a way that they can understand it, regardless of what it is. There are certain things which are facts, whether it's a photograph, whether it's a tape recording, whether it's a report, that won't change over the course of a tribunal and won't necessarily prejudice either the defendant, with the presumption of innocence, or the prosecution, whose job it is to seek justice. A prosecutor's job is to seek justice.
I'm not going to try to explain much about what happened with the Breonna Taylor situation in the grand jury; although I would encourage everyone to learn more about how our system really works with the grand jury and what these indictments are and what these charges are or are not. And I would have hoped that more of that explanation would have come out from a variety of sources before we got to today's result. I think what happened was a situation where expectations were built up that were not necessarily based on a full knowledge of what the legal standards were, and therefore when those expectations were not met, their severe disappointment. But in that disappointment, I live in Louisville, and obviously in Kentucky which I've served for a number of years and in this country which I've served faithfully for a number of years. I would hope that we don't take a regressive step forward in changing behaviors. The way we really change behaviors- and Breonna Taylor's legacy is that it can change behavior, because more of the world, when you saw demonstrations in countries that really don't have anything to do with Louisville, KY. You know that it's widespread. And I want to make one other comment before I step down because it struck me. You know, on June 25th, I was here in this capital out and around it when Until Freedom had a demonstration here. And they have many speakers including Mr Crump who I've met known from previous, you know, engagements, so to speak, spoke to him out on the veranda they're one of the speakers that day was Common. And it was very eloquent, but there was something ringing in my head from Common and it came from the fact that sometimes I used to hear him almost every morning driving back and forth to Frankfort.
People talk about “being woke”. Well, there is a song called “Wake Up Everybody'', and John Legend and Common teamed up, and they made a wonderful version of it, and here's what we would call a rap part of it in the middle of it, which I think those words apply right now. I'm not gonna read the whole thing.
But here's what Common says, and you know in a rhythm that only I wish I could recreate. He says:
Though I'm the type to bear arms and wear my heart on my sleeve
Even when I fell, in God I believe
Breathe the days in
Weave through the maze and the season so amazing
Feed them and raise them
Seasons are aging: earthquakes, wars, and rumors
I want us to get by but we're more then consumers
We're more than shooters, more than looters
Created in his image, so God live through us
And even in this generation living through computers
Only love, love, love can reboot us
Let's follow the principles echoed by Common and Martin Luther King and a lot of other people. Let's strike the consciences of people and not the fears in people, and we can continue the change that led to the point where my next speaker could walk these halls in the General Assembly. Or I could hold a position that I do now in state government.
(Charles Booker comes to the podium.) I am State Representative Charles Booker. I represent the 43rd district, but to be more precise, I represent the Commonwealth of Kentucky and a lot of people who feel a lot of pain right now. I listened to the words of a giant, making it clear that I'm just me being here is a testament to what progress can look like. I feel that weight right now. And our community has been through so much this year, but it speaks to generations of pain and inequity and in this moment right now the first thing that I want to do is recognize Miss Palmer and Breonna's family. I have the dog tag from my cousin T.J. I carry it with me every day. They are dealing with trauma and pain that will never really go away. They have grieved before an entire nation, the world even, has seen their heartbreak. And I know that today was just another painful chapter, and a path of healing, of reconciling what can never fully be reconciled. Because Breonna Taylor should be alive today. And I also want to acknowledge a community of people who have risen up in protest, calling for justice, even in the face of being ignored, hit with tear gas, pepper bullets, demonized, called names. They've shown up every day. People like my family, Mr. Cortez, we call him “C Tez”. Keturah, Shameka, Stachelle . So many folks that helped us ring out the cry for Breonna Taylor's name, not simply to account for what the officers did, that's critical, we'll talk about that; we're talking about that. But also to call out the fact that we have to do the deep-rooted work. That justice isn't just about what happens to these officers, it never was just about what happens to these officers, it was always about the fact that we have generations of poverty and inequity all across our Commonwealth, that so many people feel the fear of knowing that justice may not account for their humanity. I talk about it often in this building. And the truth of the matter is today, their strength is why I have so much hope. In spite of what some may want to do in seeking to cast wedges and divide us and make this a conversation about “some” versus “others”. We realized as a collective as a Commonwealth, because the people that are marching come from all corners, all walks of life, we realize that this moment is about family. And I'm proud of that truth. Let's be clear: Justice failed us today. It failed us in a way that it has been failing us for generations. We are here doing this work, I was elected to do this work, because we need to make justice ring true, because it has failed. A woman, a black woman, was killed in her home by the agency that paid to protect and serve her. That's wrong. There is no justifying that. And if it calls on us, and it does call on us, to change laws, to lift up Breonna's law but to do so much more in accountability and reimagining public safety in a true sense, which is not simply, more and more law enforcement, being called on to be everything, public safety. We have to do that work if we really want to honor Breonna. And when I leave here I will go home to the West End of Louisville. I will see a lot of people that I love dearly hurting, even in the streets. And I want to speak to them. The last thing I'll say: this moment, to me, to us, is about protecting the movement. All of us, all across the Commonwealth of Kentucky- as family, we have to do the work to make sure that we can all be free and have the liberty of being safe in our homes. To make sure that we all have the opportunity to pursue our dreams. Breonna wanted to take care of people. (tears up) She should be here to pursue her dreams. We all need to commit to making community mean something, to making democracy means something, to making justice mean something. And I'm asking you all from every corner of this Commonwealth: lift your voices, keep demanding change, keep leading for change, run for office yourself. I'm a living witness of that. But don't be quiet, don't slow down, and most importantly, lean in with love. Love is what's gonna get us through this: love for our Commonwealth, love for one another, love for our future. Our faith in one another, our faith that justice can finally ring true. Let's cling to that now together, and keep one another, safe, and we'll get through this. That's what Kentucky does. That's what we're made of. We'll get through this together. And we will chart our course where leadership does not hide behind the law, where leadership can show the courage to speak the truth, and be accountable for the lives of all of us, even if it's the life, and especially if it's the life of a black woman. Where our leaders won't preach to us and condemn us and try to tell us how to express our pain, but will acknowledge our pain, and hear our cries and be accountable to them. We're going to realize that. Breonna, thank you for being the light. We'll keep fighting to honor your name.
(Governor Beshear comes back to the podium.) Thank you, Representative.
Alright, we’ll open it up for questions on this, and then afterwards, I'll give a quick update on a pandemic that we are still fighting that disproportionately is taking other lives. So we'll start over here with you, Karen.
Questions
Protestors gathered around the history center while the Attorney General was inside listening, and as everything was announced one said, “The divide is greater now than it has ever been. And it seems like every time we take a few steps forward we get shoved back.” Could you respond? -- The question is about some individuals who apparently had gathered outside the History Center who expressed feelings that divide is greater than ever, and that were moving backwards. (The reporter repeats part of the quote and Beshear repeats it back) “Every time they take a few steps forward, they get shoved back out”. Well first, I want to make sure that I listen to and hear that pain and that frustration. Many people think your job as governor is to get up here and talk and I know I've had to talk a lot. But sometimes it's to make sure that you are hearing, especially experiences that may be different from yours, but also your sincere belief that this is a Commonwealth where everybody counts. And where there are systematic issues like racism, we have to know that they are impacting the lives of Kentuckians and unfairly preventing so many from reaching their potential. And we've seen even before some of this or I've seen the amount of pain that is out there. But, I hope they realize our commitment, or at least my commitment, in these halls and what's considered the most important office in the Commonwealth, that I want to do better and that personally means I gotta be better. I'm gonna continue to listen because I know that the best ideas and the way we move forward aren't just going to come from me. Maybe none of those ideas come from me. But they're ideas that we are going to be able to put in place, hopefully change the Commonwealth, and change the world if we sincerely believe that we have a true duty to one another and to our God to build the world that I think he or she requires of us.
requires the Attorney General to release the investigatory file if requested? -- The question is does the Open Records Act require the Attorney General to release the file if requested. Obviously I was Attorney General, up until about 9 months ago, 10 months ago, it moves fast. And we had to make a lot of those decisions. There are differences between a prosecutors file and an investigatory file, and then there are requirements that that something is final. But what I can say is, regardless of what the Open Records law requires, given that today's announcement only related to a specific officer and shots that were fired that reached a different apartment, it would seem that the investigation and or any further movement on other actions that occurred that night are done, and that there can't be any prejudicing any jury that's out there because according to today's announcement there won't be any. And so I think that it's time to release those ballistics reports. And listen, I appreciate that the attorney general talked in detail about them, those are the types of facts that can help us process, and he talked through it today and he didn't shy away from the fact that there was inconsistency in them. Again, I trust people if they are able to get that information. And so what I'd like to see is all of that put online, those pieces of evidence, those reports, so that people can truly read them and process them. And that conversations we need to have moving into the future, if they're about this specific incident, can be based on it, or if there are things we can learn and, I think we all agree and everyone, law enforcement and others agree that that we should learn every single time that there is a tragic occurrence about what we can do better, Mark?
Booker said it wasn’t just about the officers, it was about the generations of inequalities. What can the state of Kentucky do to change that and do you have any proposals that you're thinking about? The governor's budget proposal to try to address that? -- So the question comes off of Representative Booker's eloquence and speaking his truth, and thank you for doing that today. That's what these walls that this Capitol should be about. And that's what we all need to hear and listen and I hope everybody out there is hearing and listening, and Representative Booker talked about how justice deals with hundreds of years of inequities. I believe that we have to start directly addressing them and be intentional about it every day, and one that I've been intensely focused on is health care because, in the midst of COVID we have seen our black and African American Kentuckians dying at twice the rate of the population. And it's no secret why: it is inadequate access to health care. This is something that Dr. King talked about so many years ago about being one of the greatest forms of inequality and shame on us for not solving and resolving that before now. We've launched a campaign directly aimed at the black and African American community, aimed at signing every single individual up for some form of health care that's going on right now. And we're gonna we're gonna move further after that to get everybody in the Commonwealth signed up for health care. But I'd like to think that step is finally showing priority for a community that for far too long, we haven't shown priority for. It's about building wealth, not just creating jobs in an area, but building wealth in a community where we haven't provided those opportunities. Providing educational opportunities and knowing different things that we have to do to get there. You know there are studies that show, it's a fact that an African American teacher can have an incredible impact on minority students and you see that in the outcome. We got to step up, work with our HBCUs to make sure that we have those programs in place and we're continuing to improve it. We need more programs to recruit more black and African American Kentuckians into our law enforcement, to ensure that law enforcement and everything else look like the rest of our Commonwealth. We got to make sure that we don't have laws, whether it's insurance, or others that make it harder for some individuals to move ahead in different ways than others; banking laws too. And four years we have had programs rightfully so, that invest in Eastern Kentucky and invest in Western Kentucky, I made those announcements. We need those same types of programs, and I proposed one in our budget this last year, that invests in areas like West Louisville. It's time for us to step up and do our part so that, for me, and what it keeps coming back, in the next pandemic we're not just repeating the same things. Because we've seen and we're hearing about the pain of this individual situation today. But the pain in a pandemic, where systematic racism in our healthcare system has resulted in countless more people dying than they should, that is one that I feel every day reading off that counties and the ages.
(Speaking to one of the reporters.) One more before you. -- Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. (Reporter’s question) Do you believe justice was done today? -- Well, I believe, the question is, “do I believe that justice was done today?” Being a former prosecutor and attorney general, I think that we need to see the facts, the evidence, and I hope moving forward, there's more explanation of process, and of what certain things require. I know that Mrs. Palmer, who I've met, who stood right here, actually we were in the Supreme Court, has got to be in a lot of pain today, and I can't imagine losing one of my children. But I think having more of the facts out there to where people can see, and people can truly process it is where we need to be. The Attorney General spoke today about the truth, and I agree with our commitments to the truth. I just asked him to provide more of the tools for everyone to be able to evaluate and to determine what that truth is. I never expected when I was Attorney General for people just to rely upon my judgment. I wanted to make sure that people saw the reasons for what we are doing, and there's still the opportunity to do that there. I don't think that there was a response today to a question about what might be forthcoming there. (Tom? And then Kathy)
Rep Booker, and Sec. Brown can weigh in on this too: Representative Booker obviously talks with people in his community, Secretary Brown’s got past experience in the legal world, you were former AG. Is there anything that you have been able to detect thus far that perhaps the investigation was flawed in any way? -- So the question is have I determined that the investigation was flawed in any way, I'd need to see the evidence, I’d need to see the statements, I’d need to see what was and wasn't done, to have any comment on that. I think that everybody looking back wishes that things had been done differently. Not in the investigation sense but certainly, and what happened that night. And there have been a number of things suggested since that I think shed a little bit of light on that, about what it ought to take to get a no-knock warrant, even though when it was executed apparently, there's a question about whether it was executed as a no-knock warrant. Who should be able to execute a no-knock warrant? What type of training does that takes? Because that's a very different situation, in most parts of our state law enforcement never conduct one. And most of the time, at least what has been explained to me, it's conducted by a highly trained group and unit. What type of surveillance needs to be done ahead of time before one, to again, reduce the risks? These are all things moving forward that we need to look at both from a process standpoint, and as a legal standpoint. You know if I had a wish, and I talked about it during the investigation period: It was just for more explanation. I think people need to understand process, they need to understand elements. And that's not talking down to people, it's just giving people information that I think that they need to take what they hear and put it into some type of context. When we have such a vacuum in something that we are so passionate, or so frustrated, or when we have a vacuum of information it makes it so much harder, on us personally, and emotionally, and those that are involved, (to offscreen: do you want to add to that or? Okay.) Catherine?
What’s your message to demonstrators who are taking to the streets tonight who are upset with hearing this decision? -- The question is, what's my message to demonstrators? Well first, I will listen and I want to hear and I truly want a better world for your kids and for mine. And while this is an unfair, inequitable world to your kids then my kids aren't living in the right world either. I believe that I have a duty to my faith and to my Commonwealth, to make sure that we do so much better and I want to be a partner moving forward. I will never, ever tell someone not to give voice to their truth, or to speak out for what they believe in. But I would ask that we not engage in any type of violence, and that we not put ourselves in a position, and the people not put themselves in a position, where someone can hijack what they are trying to do, can try to incite violence around them. We've already seen some militia groups walking through downtown Louisville. So be safe. And the eyes of the world are on Louisville. People will hear. There are more cameras broadcasting to more places. And so, I'd be mindful that they're here, but also that that you're heard and let's try to do this in a way that makes positive change and is not used to prevent change. Joe?
AG Cameron today was asked today to talk about several aspects of the process of the grand jury as to whether prosecutors recommended indictments or not? The racial makeup of the grand jury is? Do you think that those are part of the grand jury report that should be revealed publicly? -- The question is about different questions the Attorney General was asked today about the grand jury proceeding. And you do have to be careful in a grand jury proceeding about what you can and can't disclose, though there have been situations, one was after the fact, but in Ferguson, where transcripts and evidence were released almost in the whole. I certainly think that a legitimate question in racial and demographic makeup of the grand jury. I think that that's something that I hope they reconsider responding to. I mean in a city of Louisville that is already so diverse, I don't think it will give out anybody's identity or compromise who they are. And provided that it is sufficiently diverse, it may give people just another piece of information that they can process.
Sec Brown said, and do you believe, that the expectations were too high for people going into this about the repercussions that would happen to the officers that were involved? -- The question is, did I believe the expectations were too high for people leading into this, and Secretary Brown is speaking his truth, based on his experience. I don't know exactly where people's expectations were, but I believe it's really hard to put in context a decision today without knowing what it took to get to that decision, or what it would take to get to another decision. I know that, especially when you're hurt, that without explanation in a vacuum of information, it can be incredibly tough. And that it's not viewed in isolation, there are other incidents that have gone on around the United States. Now there was an indictment today with three felony charges but I think trusting people with the information and putting it out there, so that it at least they can evaluate, I just think that that's the right thing to do. And again I think the Attorney General Cameron believes in truth, and I believe in truth, I’d just like for people to see the information so they can determine the truth.
Do you feel like drug crimes in Kentucky are enforced appropriately and do you think there's any room for reform in that aspect? -- The question is, do I think drug crimes are enforced correctly in Kentucky and what are some potential changes there. First, obviously we have an addiction crisis in the state. I believe that the way the best way to address that is to help people get better and to give, especially kids, but people as they grow older, the tools to not fall into addiction in the first place, but then the job skills and the help that people need to get out of it and to stay out of it. I will say the only way I believe we win the war on drugs, if it's still even that is, is to help people, not to incarcerate people. It's about impacting the demand and not the supply. You know, there are so many really dangerous drugs out there, I understand why we have enforcement, when we have things like fentanyl that can kill you the first time you try it or even harm people when they touch it, we have to recognize that. Now I also think that it's never a wrong thing to step back and to look at actions we take in any of our processes. I was just talking with Secretary Brown, who was working with the city of Louisville when they ended their high speed pursuits, by law enforcement, based on what can happen in the danger that it can create. And so I certainly think that it's something that we can all look at in a form of improvement about when you would undertake certain activity based on the likely harm coming out of it, but also the harm to other people that can occur. We’ll do more. Karen?
There was some fear and anger today- it happened over the last few days: of police presence, and then downtown in Frankfort people noticed snipers, and of course the National Guard presence, so there's concern that there's an expectation now of violence. could you reiterate why those measures are being taken? -- The question is why certain measures are being taken from a law enforcement standpoint, I do want to make sure I mention one thing, there was a question included people in downtown Frankfort including, and the term was used, “snipers”. Those are not snipers and I want to make sure that (reporter responds, inaudible) I understand. So in any circumstance where state police or others are trying to ensure security, they do want a high vantage point, so that they are able to see what's going on all around, that's standard and that's not intending to put anybody in a quote unquote “sniper position”.
Our goal, and today I authorized a limited deployment of the National Guard, our goal is to make sure that we can keep everybody safe. We've got a militia walking around, I think they broke with the three percenters- downtown Louisville. We've got others that would take what is otherwise a peaceful rally/demonstration/protest and would like nothing more than to see people harmed. We've got some critical infrastructure, I'll give you an example: hospitals, right now that we have to make sure, stay open and aren't disrupted in a time of COVID or anything else. I know that it can be hard to see that presence and I know that there are some that disagree with it but I can tell you from my standpoint, why it's being done is to make sure that anyone and everyone can express their first amendment rights, but that they can do so safely that no one can can incite violence, and that and that that critical infrastructure can can continue to operate in times where it where it has to.
A little bit more on the National Guard issue, this is something a lot of people are really scared of when they hear that “The national Guard has been deployed to Louisville“- (Gov: Yeah.) What assurances, can you provide that, you know, basically what happened in late May, you know, with David McAtee at 26th and Broadway doesn't happen again? -- The question is on the National Guard and it's hard to believe as governor in different ways I think I've had to deploy the National Guard five separate times. Now some of those are to assist county clerks in voting, and others; but this is certainly during COVID. Remember, at one point we had them at hospitals, when we thought that there could be a rush, and wanting to make sure there's order there. You know, I can assure citizens of Louisville that the National Guard deployment is limited, it is based on very specific operations, and that it is under the command of the National Guard and no one else. That each of the guardsmen or -women know what their job is and it's not the forward-facing role that LMPD is playing and has much more experience with. My commitment is to make sure that something like what happened to Mr McAtee, regardless of the reasons that it happens, doesn't happen again. Because, regardless of the circumstances of that situation, which are a part of litigation right now, we want to make sure everybody, absolutely everybody, is safe throughout this. This deployment is much more similar to Derby, much more limited in scope to what happened previously, and again there is a different command structure in place this time. And you can bet I'm getting updates as frequently as I can.
[Worstverse] Pt 2: Werewolves MIGHT Not Be Assholes Hey again guys. It's been a while, couple of months since the first post and yeah... The response was crazy. But beyond that, the stuff that happened in the days, weeks, and months after that post was even more crazy... Crazier? More crazier? Whatever, you get it. But before I get started, I'm actually a chick. Apparently a lot of you figured I was a guy because my crush(now full fledged girlfriend) was a girl. Apologies, I should have been more descriptive about my groin region in the last post. ANYWAY... Here we go again. Alright, so a few days after the post I saw a news report that unnerved the absolute hell out of me. As I was making my way through the neglected mountain of dirty dishes in the kitchen I heard Jasmine call for me to come into the living room of my apartment. A started to ask her what she was carrying on about, but as I rounded the corner and the TV came into view I stopped in my tracks as the image of a burned shack in the middle of the woods glared by at me from the screen. "Isn't that the..." Jasmine started to ask, but I cut her off before she could finish. "Did they say anything about the bodies?" "No. Actually they said there was no sign of human remains. They're apparently looking for the..." She trailed off. I could tell she was thinking back to the men from that night. I might have made it seem like we just brushed it off in the first post, but it was pretty traumatizing for everyone involved. We had talked about it a little, as much as she could for as long as she could hold it together at least. I took it upon myself to start taking a class to learn to protect myself. Not like those cheesy "Grab here while stepping here and striking here" women's self defense courses though. I found a combat school ran by this big Australian bastard that has a more "Take this pointy knife thingy and stab the fucker in the eye till he lets go" approach, and that has some real appeal to me after everything that happened. I'm not much more badass than I was at the time, but I'm getting used to the idea of wrecking someone's shit at least. I'm still trying to convince Jasmine to come to a class with me but I think the whole ordeal had a more introverting effect on her. Dex has decided to get in shape to, and I quote, "Protect you lady folk like a real man." I don't think Dex understands that the community at large has never seen him as a towering monument to masculinity, but at least he's getting healthy. He's taken up cycling. Incidentally the most noticeable change in his appearance so far is that every other day he shows up with a new patch of road rash somewhere on his body. "You don't think there's anything there that'll lead them back to us do you?" She asked worriedly. "N-no. Nah, everything got burned. Besides, we didn't do anything wrong. Why would the police be looking for us?" I asked back. "I don't mean the police." She responded. "I mean there might be other people who have something to do with that lab. What if they moved the bodies and they come looking for us?" She continued. "How would they even find-" I began before being interrupted, as if by some form of divine orchestration, by a loud and assertive knock on the door. The apartment fell into a ringing silence. I began to slowly drag my feet towards the door, inch by inch. Taking at least three times longer than it should have to finally get there, I began to reach out for the knob as another series of loud raps cracked through the quiet and cause me to convulse in shock. I turned to look back at Jasmine who's hands were now clutched in front of her mouth as she watched me reach for the knob one more time with wide eyes. Taking a deep breath I twisted the doorknob and cracked the door just enough to peek out into the hallway. "YO!! Grub Hub! Got your tacos aaaand quesadillas? Yep, quesadillas." "Jesus Christ! It's the god damn taco guy!" I called to Jasmine, realizing we both had completely forgot about ordering food earlier. It wasn't until a few days later, as I closed the door to my room after coming home from work I heard a voice from behind me. "We need to talk." The voice said, causing me to nearly choke on my own tongue in surprise. I wheeled around to face the source of the noise to see a young man close to my age with deeply tanned skin, dark black hair and stubble, and a red bandanna tied around his head. His clothes were normal clothes, just... put together weirdly. It was hard for me to place at the time. He had an old, tattered red t-shirt underneath an even older black vest. His pants were baggy and frayed at the ankles where they had been cut short to reveal his bare feet. A pirate. He looked like an effing pirate. There was a pirate in my apartment. A had apartment pirates. "WHAT-WHO THE-WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY ROOM?!" I screamed as I yanked out the knife I had started keeping on me. "Whoa! Take a chill pill there Gamora. After all, you've already had my uhhhh..." The man paused as he produced a stack of papers from his back pocket and began to flip through them. "Uuuh, werewolf dong knocking against your exposed skin." He finished. "I.... What?" I asked in bewilderment. "Yeah." He answered. "I figure after having my dork on your leg, that's a few steps past me seeing the granny panties and lightsaber you got stashed in your top drawer. Plus you kinda pissed yourself right in front of me and God and everyone else, so..." I stood there in silence for a few seconds, my jaw hanging open in absolute confusion before shrieking "YOU WENT THROUGH MY STUFF?!!" It's weird the places your mind can go during situations like that. "Well yeah. You don't go through people's stuff when you break into their bedrooms?" He chuckled. "I don't break into people's rooms!" I shouted back at him. "Wait... The werewolves. You're one of the werewolves." I said as all the gears in my brain finally lined back up, allowing me to think like an actual rational person. "Finally caught on did ya?" He said. "Took long enough. And here I came all this way and not even a hello, how ya been, thanks for saving me and all my friends from getting Bobby Trippe'd and murdered in the middle of nowhere, n-" "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!!" I interrupted at the top of my lungs. "And why are you dressed like a pirate?!" I added, the gold hoop in his ear accentuating his swashbuckling appearance had only added to my frustration. "First of all, that's very offensive. We prefer the term privateer Americans. And second, I'm here about this." He said, waving around the stack of papers he produced a few moments ago. "Your little story got pretty popular. The people that ran that drug operation are going to be looking for whoever fucked up all their shit. And this is going to lead them right back to you as soon as they find it. AND... you can bet your ass the ones that run that show are a lot worse than the creeps you ran into out there." "But how? I didn't even use my name the entire post." I asked, the anger and energy starting to ebb a little with his last statement. "You used ALL of your friends real names! Do you have any idea how easy it is to find out where someone is with just first names and social media?" He scolded. "It took me like 3 hours after I found the post to find out who you were, and another day to find exactly where you live! LOOK!" He continued, pulling out his phone and swiping a few times before showing me the screen. "You even accepted my friend request jackass!" I just stood there, stunned for a few seconds. A dramatically different feeling from only a few moments before. My shock, anger, and mild embarrassment had been swapped for a deep, sinking in the pit of my gut. I might have just led some very bad people back to me and all my friends. And Jasmine... Taking a few more seconds to process everything I finally began to speak again. "I liked you better when you couldn't talk." I mumbled, staring at the ground in shame. "And I liked you better when you were more grateful for me saving your ass." He replied. After a few seconds of shooting each other fowl looks I broke the quiet with, "So where's the other one of you?" "She's... taking care of a few things then she'll be headed this way." He replied with a shit eating grin. "Until then we just chill here." He said as he started to open the door and walk into the living room. "Oh no! You are not camping out in the living room!" I exclaimed, jumping between him and the open door. "I AM NOT explaining you to Steven!(my room mate)" "Ok, your room it is." He said, walking across the room and plopping down on my bed, kicking his feet up as his did. "Your feet are fucking filthy." I growled, noticing the blackened bottoms of his feet resting on my clean blanket. "Huh, what?" He mumbled to himself, grabbing his ankle and pulling it up to check. "Oh shit you're right." He said as he wiped his nasty man paws on the blanket. "There, how's that?" He asked, proudly displaying his now slightly less dirty feet to me. I could tell he genuinely thought he had just done something good by cleaning his feet on my blanket. He thought I was mad they were dirty so he cleaned them to make me happy. I had more of an urge to scratch his ear than yell at him at that point. I looked at the sullied comforter and felt my eye twitch a little and just decided to sit down in my office chair. "Exactly how long are we supposed to be waiting?" I groaned several hours later, through my hands I had been resting my face in for the past 90 minutes or so. "Not much longer." He said, checking a wrist watch that very obviously wasn't there. "Well... Thanks for like... helping again and junk." I said with my chin still resting in my hands. "Oh don't get too excited. You got lucky last time. This one's gonna cost ya." He said, laying his head back on the pillow. "That's... cryptic." I replied suspiciously. "So... what's your name?" I added. "Milo." He answered plainly. "Oh. Hmm." I huffed to myself, mildly disappointed that it wasn't some cliché Underworld werewolf name like Lucian or Raz or something. About ten more minutes past before I heard Milo's phone chirp. He slid it out of his pocket and checked the screen. "That's her." He said, clumsily climbing out of my bed. "They're at the front door." He added. "No no. You stay. I'll go let her in." I said, hurriedly standing from my chair. Unfortunately that didn't go well at all. Several hours of sitting with my elbows on my legs had given me major toilet leg and as I stood both of my now COMPLETELY numb legs tried to fold backwards in on themselves. This caused my whole body to crumple face first into the hardwood floor of my room with a dull thud. I heard a loud cackle as Milo pressed his face into my pillow, kicking his feet with manic laughter. "Oh god, I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh. Are you ok?" He asked, still chuckling as tears rolled down his cheeks. I shot him a hateful look as I wobbled to my feet. I somehow managed to baby deer walk across the apartment to the front door as the living hell of pins and needles began to set in. I cracked the door just to make sure who was actually supposed to be there, was. As she came into view I caught myself looking at what could have been the most gorgeous creature to ever walk the face of the earth. I slowly swung the door the rest of the way open, reveling her and all her splendor. She had the thickest curly black hair that spun its way down past her shoulders and over her dark, olive skin. Her eyes were a light blue and seemed to go on forever just like a clear sky on a sunny day at the beach. She was draped in clothes the same color and fashion as Milo, but infinitely more lavish and beautiful. She was about as inconspicuous as a Christmas day parade. "Hello! My name is Teagan. It's so nice to see you again!.... My love, are you not well?" She spoke with the heaviest eastern European accent I had ever heard, and even that was beautiful to my ears. She must have taken my moment of total unresponsive silence coupled with my erratically trembling legs as some form of illness. I don't think I had ever blushed so hard in my life. Suddenly Jasmine stepped between us with a scowl. "She's fine!" She said sharply. "Come on stud. Back so we can all get in." "What are you-Who's we? Who's all here?" I stuttered, trying to peek around the corner to no avail. "Everyone." She answered. "Dex, Trey, Joanna, and Lesley. Teagan rounded us all up and brought us here. She told us who she was and that she'll explain everything once we get to your place." Not even attempting to resist at this point I just put my finger over my mouth, gesturing for them to be quiet so they didn't disturb my room mate, then silently lead the small crowd into my increasingly packed room. Coming in last, I managed to shove and elbow my way back to my chair and sat down as Milo began to explain the entirety and severity of the situation. "So... this wasn't just a social visit because you both missed us so much?" Trey said sarcastically, breaking the silence that fell once Milo's exposition was over. Teagan quickly strolled over to him. "Oh no my love! We missed you so very much as well! You are all such wonderful people!" She exclaimed, hugging him tightly when she reached him. Apparently she didn't catch the sarcasm as was attempting to comfort him. We all new she was just being nice, but I think we all also chose to believe it on the grounds of the idea that the corporeal angel we were currently confined in my room with missed us warmed our hearts. This woman oozed mama bear energy like you can't even imagine. "So we have a bunch of meth dealers about to go Walter White on our asses and we're supposed to do... what, exactly? Call the police?" Dex asked over Teagan's soothing hums as she rocked poor Trey in her arms as she continued to hug him comfortingly. "Oh it's not really that simple." Milo answered back. "They're not juuust meth dealers. They might, kinda, sorta be... vampires." "VAMPIRES!! Bullshit! Nope! You're just screwing with us again! GET. OUT!" I yelled, jumping up from my chair. I had had enough. I was tired and hungry and ill tempered and everyone was in my room and I was over it. All I could think was of the nerve it took for them to pull some shit like this after everything we'd already been through. "Ok calm d-" Milo started before I picked up the nearest heavy object and got ready to chuck it at his head. "HEY! Hey! I was a 7 foot tall murder pupper the first time you saw me. Would it really be going out on a limb to entertain the idea that vampires might just possibly be a thing?" He added, his hands out in front of him, ready to repel my impending attack. Hearing him call himself a 7 foot murder pupper made me crack a begrudging smile. Still holding the empty mug over my head, this gave me a second to actually remember that I had been considering the possibility of what other creatures like that might exist ever since that night. "I mean... I guess, maybe." I said, placing the mug back down on my desk. "Well? So how do... vampires tie into all this shit?" I continued, choking slightly on the word as it made its way up. "Ok, you know how we add things to our food to make it taste better? Like butter and salt and pepper? Well they like to do that too. And one of the ways they like to do that, one of their favorite ways, is meth. They get some poor schmuck spun out on the stuff, and then, right after their last hit, as they're on their last breath of life, they suck them dry like a meth head cocktail. The drug apparently effects the taste of the blood in just such a way that it, combined with the effects of the actual drug itself, is like a total delicacy for them. It's kinda like how people do veal, just slightly less fucked up maybe. And selling the meth means they make hella cash while they take the Snack Packs to Flavor Town." "That's really messed up..." Lesley spoke up. "But what are we supposed to do? Can't you guys just, you know, turn back into wolves and get rid of them?" "It is not so simple my sweet darling." Teagan answered. "Turning to a wolf is not so easy as in movies and takes time and preparation." "What do you mean?" Trey asked, having finally escaped Teagan's clutches. "You know how in the movies you see some dude morph into a giant wolf that's like twice as massive as he was as a regular person? Well did you ever stop to think where all that extra mass comes from?" Milo answered. "To get that big we have to eat that much and more before hand. That shit doesn't just come from nowhere. We have to collect it, eat it, store it, THEN change." He continued to explain. "So me and Teagan need a place to, well... store, and before that we have to figure out where they are operating so we can plan and get ready. Also we are going to need A LOT of food. We're gonig to get rid of them for you, but we're also going to need your help this go round." Teagan added, "You also need somewhere to stay not home. Regular homes aren't safe. They'll find you there and us if we stay too." All of a sudden every eye was on me. In confusion I looked over my shoulders hoping there was someone with an actual idea standing behind me. There wasn't. So I said the only thing I could think of. "I... could call Gay Jake." About an hour later we all had small travel bags packed with clothes, phone chargers, tooth brushes, and were on our way to Gay Jake's. Gay Jake lived on the outside of town in his own house, and thanks to his parents, had more money than God. It also happened that his best friend Lita was staying there while she was in town. This was super lucky because she like hunts or used to hunt poachers or something. Anyway, she's supposed to have killed more men than malaria, and while Milo and Teagan are getting their shit together I think we'd all be pretty safe around her should something go down at the house. Milo and Teagan ended up riding with me and Jasmine in the back seat. About half way there Teagan asked, "So you think we can trust this Gay Jake with out secrets and to keep them safe?" Jasmine answered, "Oh yeah totally. Gay Jake is keeping secrets about half of the people in the state from the other half of them. He's one of the nicest people in the world too. I don't think he's ever not helped someone when they needed it. But he does have a really fruity southern accent so please don't make fun of him." "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Milo screeched from the back seat. "He's rich, super nice, has dirt on everyone, has a super fruity southern accent, AND his name is Gay Jake?! He sounds like the coolest guy ever and I have to meet him! I NEED to meet him." Jasmine and I both laughed at the idea that the actual mythical creature in the back of the car was so excited to meet Gay Jake. After that it took about 10 minutes to get to the house, going slow to keep from drawing attention or anything. We pulled in at close to 11:00, only to see Gay Jake's body lying in the middle of the driveway. "HOLY SHIT! Is he ok?!" Milo yelled from the back as Teagan gasped in shock. "He's fine." I said. "That's just how he waits for company sometimes. Move shit head!" I yelled out the window, laying on the car horn as I did. His arm popped up off the ground, middle finger proudly extended, a large grin cracking across his face. As he hoisted himself off the ground I yelled again, "I will run your gay ass over!" "Well now isn't that the carpet muncher calling the kettle black!" He said, walking over to the open window. "Yall alright? You get here ok?" He asked, sticking his head through the window to check on everyone. "Yeah, everyone else ought to be pulling up in a second. We really owe you one for this Jake." I answered. "Oh hunny yall don't owe me a damn thing. Now go on up there and get parked and head inside. I'll make sure everyone else gets in alright." He exclaimed. "And help yourselves to anything in the kitchen. Yall know where everythin' is. It hadn't changed none." "I... love... him..." Milo whispered in my ear as we drove up the driveway to park. We all filed into the house, which was immaculate and well decorated as always. Although through no doing of Gay Jake himself. "Just cause I like men don't mean I know what lamp goes with those curtains." He would say when someone asked if he did the decorating himself. We spread out as we entered through the back door and all found a place to sit. All except for Milo who made a B line for the kitchen. "So... How do you, or I should say how does one end up a werewolf?" Jasmine asked to break the silence. "If it's ok to ask." She added. Teagan got up out of her seat and sat down next to Jasmine, wrapping her arm around her shoulders and pulling her in closer. "Oh darling, you may ask me any questions you like. To be werewolf you have to exchange the fluids with an already werewolf." She explained. "Oh, so a bite? They do have to bite you?" Jasmine said. coughcough Milo exaggerated from the entrance to the kitchen to get our attention. He shook his head then held up both hands, making a circle with his thumb and index finger with one and extended the index finger of the other before moving his extended index finger in and out of the circle few times. Once he was satisfied with our disgusted he retreated once again into the kitchen. "Oh... Oh my." Jasmine said, turning back towards Teagan who had an affirmingly blushed expression on her face. "So... did one of you... You know... the other?" She added. "Yes. I met Milo when he came to my home of Romania on vacation. He had much more money back then. A gift from his grandfather when he died I think. I made him werewolf there then we came back here together." Teagan explained. "That sounds like a beautiful story." Jasmine gushed. "Oh darling it is! I must tell you all of it sometime!" Teagan said as Joanna, Trey, Lesley, and Dex walked in from the back door, followed shortly by Gay Jake. "What happened to Talk Dark and Mansome you pulled in here with?" Gay Jake asked me as he made his way in, looking around at everyone. "He's in the kitchen." I answered. "Alright, I'm gonna go get him in here then you're gonna tell me all about whatever this shit is yall got yourselves into." Gay Jake said before heading into the kitchen. I had just begun to ask if they had noticed anything unusual on their way over but before I could get the words out I heard a racket in the kitchen. Milo came whipping around the corner with his arms up over his head for cover, Gay Jake close behind yelling and swatting at him with a paper plate. "Go on now! Shoo! Git! Scat! I was saving that for later!" Gay Jake screamed, continuing his paper plate barrage. "He just ate damn near everything in my refrigerator and still sniffed out the damn cheeseburger in the microwave I just got before yall got here and hadn't got to eat yet!" He complained with visible distress. Milo ran across the room in an attempt to seek shelter from Gay Jake's fury. As he did I noticed that, unlike before, his once fairly average body now had a pretty noticeable gut that jiggled as he ran. "He can really put it away." I thought to myself. "We'll go get you another cheeseburger." I reassured him in an attempt to rescue Milo... the werewolf. Once I got everything calmed down and everyone got situated in the living room, I began to explain the ENTIRETY of the situation to him. Gay Jake, never being the judgmental type, took the insanity of the story in stride. Though he did have some well founded disbelief. "Nah, bullshit. I'm not gonna sit here and have someone tell me that these two are some damn werewolves." He said, pointing in the direction of Milo and Teagan. "And yall want me to believe that yall are in trouble with... drug dealing vampires because Hamburglar over there burned down their meth lab? What they hell are you kids on?" "I know it's sounds like the weirdest, craziest shit on earth but it's true." Trey spoke up. "Maybe if one of them could like turn into a wolf, would that convince you?" He added. "Ok yeah, you get one of them to turn into a wolf in front of me and I'll believe it." Gay Jake answered. "But didn't you hear them?" Lesley interjected. "They said they have to prepare and that it takes time. They can't just-" "Yeah I got this!" Milo said, hopping up from his seat and rolling up his right sleeve to the shoulder. He held out his arm and started to strain and grunt as the muscles in his arm began to tighten. Slowly they began to grow as his skin darkened. Before long thick, black hairs began to sprout and then, suddenly... SNAP!! POP!! CRUNCH!! His arm began to stretch along with his fingers. "SHIT!" He shouted on the first loud snap. He then clenched his jaw and grimaced as his right arm became unrecognizable to what it was moments ago. "Come on you fuckers. Almost there." He said to himself through gritted teeth, as he flexed and shook the tips of his elongated fingers as the nightmarish claws began to protrude and pop away the fingernails they were growing out from under. As this went on I was the only one who noticed that his newly obtained belly had been receding back into its normal size. "Oh my god are you ok?! That looks like it hurt like a bitch!" Gay Jake shouted as he ran to Milo's aid, who's face was now bright red and covered in sweat. His right arm now looked exactly as it had the night we met, and do mean EXACTLY. It was way out of proportion to his body, the tips of his claws just short of touching the floor. Once Gay Jake had a chance to take everything in, we began to get on the same page. He had always been one to stay calm and take things pretty well, but I don't think anyone expected him to just accept that a man grew a werewolf arm right in front of him. When I asked him how he managed to stay so cool in the situation he replied with a sassy, "Sweetheart, if I look this good and I'm still single then anything is possible." After that we sat and talked for hours in attempt to formulate a plan. But like most people our age, we only managed to agree to put it off until later and focus on getting more food. It became apparent that we weren't going to get anywhere after Gay Jake spoke out mid conversation. "Alright look! You're gonna have to do something with that!" He exclaimed, pointing at Milo's grossly oversized wolf appendage. "But you seemed so accepting of it earlier." Dex chimed in sarcastically. "I was and I am!" Gay Jake argued back. "But it still freaks me right the fuck out. I keep thinkin' it's gonna try to crawl towards me or something. Just, here, put this blanket over it." That morning I went to the grocery store accompanied by Dex and Lita, who had been asleep upstairs the night before. We also were in the company of Gay Jake's no limit credit card and Lesley's van so we could haul as much food as possible, not only to feed the troop of people currently camped out in the house, but to bulk up our two lycanthropic allies. It also turns out to everyone's surprise that Lita required absolutely no convincing that Milo and Teagan were werewolves and that we're on a spun out gang of vampires' shit list. As it would happen, Lita already new about all that shit. According to her she was a licensed member of the American United Association of Certified Vampire Control Technicians, or A.U.A.C.V.C.T for... short. Auacvct, if you prefer. She had become a memeber after meeting some guy during one of her usual anti poaching assignments that suggested she had the right stuff and showed her how to apply. Apparently it's a lot less hush hush and ceremonious than you'd think. So that means that she's not necessarily a full time vampire hunter, but she's licensed to by the government or something. I remember hearing a story about her one time. During one of her assignments with a tiger preservation organization she saw a poacher about to kill a wild tiger, and since he hadn't noticed her yet, she just shot him in the ass with her rifle and let the tiger maul him to death in the mild of the jungle. This chick is THE matron saint of fucks ungiven. The fact that she ended up being an actual vampire hunter seriously made me wonder if we were all extremely lucky or extremely unlucky. As she was a very fortunate, billion to one shot protection to a very unfortunate, billion to one shot problem. A fortune teller would lose their shit if they tried to read my palm at that point. As we pulled into the Walmart parking lot I wondered to myself if this wasn't possibly too much. After all we still didn't have any indication that the people who ran the operation out of that shed were even after us, and definitely nothing to suggest they were vampires. But my suspicions wouldn't last long past that. After we had finished our shopping and were headed back out to the van with two overloaded buggies a piece, the call of nature struck. "Ok guys, I've got like Kentucky Derby levels of race horse piss in my bladder, so I'm gonna run back in real quick. It'll just take a second." I said as I loaded my last bag into the vehicle. "A second my ass!" Dex complained. "You've got like the biggest bladder of anyone on earth. You're going to be in there forever. Where do you even put it all?" "Pee is stored in the balls!" I yelled back at him as I walked away, knowing how much he hated that saying. I heard his agitated "UGH!" fade into the distance as I got close to the entrance. When I walked through the doors I saw that the greeter had switched from the one who was there when we first arrived. Where the first greeter was an older man, this new one seemed to be a middle age woman who's hair and makeup could only be described as "I'd like to speak to your manager." It only got worse as she greeted me in the most energetic, peppy voice possible. A morning person... I'd have rather ran right down the mouth of one of those bipedal meth mosquitoes than a morning person. I managed to grimace a smile and a nod as I passed by and headed to the restrooms. On my way there, in one of the aisles I passed by a man in a hoodie who kept staring at me as I walked by. I decided that if he started to follow me I'd call Lita and tell her to get her G.I. Jane ass in here. But he stayed where he was and I made it to the bathroom in one piece. I walked in and slipped into a stall to do my business. While I was in it I thought I might have heard the door to the restroom open but it was so quiet I figured it must have been the door to the men's room instead. Once I had finished bleeding the phantom lizard I popped the latch on the stall door and started to walk out only to be impeded by the wide smiling face of... the morning person from the front of the store. "Ugh." I thought. "Excuse me ma'am." I said trying to step past her. But to my surprise she put her hand against my chest and shoved me back into the stall, hard. My head bounced of the tile wall and my vision dotted and speckled as I fought to stay conscious. I came to my senses just as she leaned down into my face. "I thought that was you! You're staying right here sugar." She hummed in that same insufferably cheerful voice. "I'm just going to call for a little help and then we're going to cart you off and torture you until you tell us where all your little friends are." "I'm not going any fucking where with you..." I mumbled, still in a daze from the impact. "You have to take me out of this bathroom and the second you do I'll pitch a bitch like you can't imagine. You'll never make it out the door with me." "HAHA! Oh no sugar, you won't be doing a darn thing after I take just enough blood out to not kill you. Why you won't even be able to stand on your own after I'm done. Now let me just get comfortable first and..." She cooed. She then started to lift me off the floor and up against the stall partition. As fear and panic started to set in I tried to scream but she pressed her hand over my mouth so hard I could taste blood from my lip. I kicked and squirmed and punch but nothing even seemed to bother her as I felt the hand on my mouth begin to push my head to one side and expose my neck. I watched in horror as her face aged 40 years in front of me. Her now bloodshot eyeballs seemed to bulge from their sockets as she opened her mouth and extended her tongue. At that point her front teeth had began to retract upwards to reveal just two large, sharp, triangular fangs that spanned the entirety of where all of her original teeth should have been. After this the top of her tongue began to split down the middle and blossom open to expose rows upon rows of tiny, cactus like spines, making a revolting suction sound as it did. She started to lean in towards me, excitement gurgling from her open maw. I still couldn't pry myself from her grip despite my frantic struggle. Just as I felt her hot breath on my face I slammed the point of my knife straight into her exposed eye with every bit of strength I could muster. While she had been putting her game face on I had managed to get my hand underneath my shirt and free the knife from my waistband. I felt the tip hit bone and a grinding, scrapping sensation as the blade slid across the back of the socket. I took my other hand and hammered it into the butt of the handle just to really sink it in. The knife was pulled from my grip as she snatched her head sideways, emitting a screech of agony as she hit the floor and began to flail. I didn't hesitate. I bolted from the stall and slammed into the locked door, frantically trying to turn the latch I finally managed to get it open and take off through the store. By the time I got back to the van Lita was in the driver's seat facing Dex in the back. I opened the passenger door and got in as fast as possible. "See! I told you that you'd take forever! We've been in here for like 15 minutes and Lita keeps doing that thing where she keeps saying "I must break you" in Dloph Lundgrin's voice and she knows it freaks me out!" Dex griped as I sat down. "It's not my fault he's a pu-... Hey are you ok?!" Lita said once she turned to look at me and saw the sweat running down my face and the blood dripping out of my mouth. Before I could collect my thoughts and answer, broken glass exploded in the cab from the driver's side window. Morning Bitch must have went out a back door, circled around, and dived through the window after us. It took took Lita a second to orient herself but once she did, oh boy. Ohhh boy. Operation Oh Hell No went into full effect. Lita grabbed the handle of my knife that was still sticking out of her eye socket to hold her head in place and started raining down elbows on her temple like it was what all the cool kids were doing. Every blow bouncing Morning Bitch's head off the steering wheel causing the horn to bark out over the sounds of Dex freaking the absolute fuck out in the back. Lita continued the onslaught until the blade finally slipped loose from her head, allowing her to slide out of the window and onto the pavement. As soon as we heard the dull thud of her body crumple to the ground Lita fried up the engine and peeled out of the parking lot as fast as she could. "Are you ok?" She asked once again, glancing back and forth from the road to me. "Yeah, yeah I'm good." I answered, Looking down at my hand when I felt a warm, stinging sensation in my palm. A deep gash ran through the center of my palm. My hand must have slid down onto the edge when I stabbed her. As I looked I noticed a few thin, black lines snaking their way around, peeking out from under the flowing blood as they headed down my wrist towards my arm. Sliding my hand into my pocket I reassured her, "I'm fine. Everything's fine."
"A little revision to the Stugotz Personal Record Book that maybe some day I'll come around to writing..or Mike will..." I've been writing the Stugotz Personal Record Book since it began. 82 Total Entries so far.
[Time Stamps] Recently started to use them in late 2019. They may not be exact based on what podcast app or service you use. But they'll be close. In 2020 I've started to use Google Podcasts for the time stamps, and they'll be labeled if used. When a new entry is added because Stugotz said something, I go back and edit it into this post. If you have any I missed - message me. I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS:
FOOTBALL
(1) UCF is the 2017-2018 national champion. (2) If Kirk Cousins goes to the Jaguars and not the Jets, no championship he wins will count in the personal record book. Note (2)(a): Still pending sort of since Kirk is with the Vikings now – possible in future he could go to Jags. (3) Eli manning has 1 ring. He doesnt get one for throwing a ball into David Tyree's face / Tyree getting a football stuck in his helmet. (4) Carson Wentz has a Super Bowl 52 ring. Note (4)(a): Foles does not have a Super Bowl 52 ring. (5) The Raiders defeated the Patriots in their divisional playoff matchup in 2002 (Tuck Rule game), and then would defeat the Rams in Super Bowl 36. Note (5)(a): In this scenario also, Bill Belichick was also "fired and looking for a job" after the Tuck Rule game and has 0 rings. (6) If the 2017 Patriots won Super Bowl 52, James Harrison would not have a ring (Patriots lost to Eagles). (7) Peyton Manning has one ring (Broncos ring does not count). (8) Peyton Manning must give such ring he lost (above) to Von Miller, who thus has 2 rings. (9) Aaron Rodgers can have all the rings he wants for keeping all of central Wisconsin employed. (10) Brian Billick has 0 rings (2000 Ravens Super Bowl) because that defense carried him. (11) Tony Boselli is a Hall of Famer. (12) Tarik Cohen is an honorary Jew. (13) JuJu Smith-Schuster is also an honorary Jew. L'Chaim. (14) Drew brees has three rings for winning the super bowl for the city of New Orleans. Note (14)(a): There was discussion on this where the number started at three, went up to five, came down to two, but it ended up at three. (15) Mike McCarthy has no Super Bowl rings. Note(15)(a): Dan also has this in his record book, and it is the first entry into the Le Batard Personal Record Book. Note 15(b): In fact, McCarthy has -3 (Negative three) rings. (16) Any Super Bowl rings Antonio Brown gets with the Patriots will not count in the Stugotz personal record book (9/9 Weekend Observations National Hour 2). (17) Ohio State's 76 to 5 victory over Miami (Ohio) on 9/21/19 does not count.
BASKETBALL
Kevin Durant (1) If Westbrook wins a championship and beats Kevin Durant along the way in the playoffs, Westbrook will have won 2 championship rings. (2)"STRAP IT ON BOYS, GONNA TAKE YA FOR A RIDE:" Kevin Durant has 0 rings (Zero rings) Kevin Durant has -1 rings (Negative 1 rings). Kevin Durant has -4 rings (Negative 4) (As of 4/11/18) Note (2)(a): This number is subject to change based on Stugotz altering rings to the "-4" current total. Specifically as seen recently when Stugotz adjusted the number from (i) 0 rings to (ii) -1 rings to (iii) -4 rings. Note (2)(b):Here is a tweet transcript of the conversation where this was discovered. Archive link (3) If Kevin Durant wins an NBA title for the NY Knicks, he will gain 11 rings. Note (3)(a): As seen above in "(2)," Kevin Durant has -4 rings. Note (3)(b): [Math] If Durant were to remain at -4 rings, and subsequently win an NBA title for the Knicks, he will have 7 rings total. This was specifically stated (-4 + 11 = 7), and a question about a non-specifically stated Personal Record Book entry is posed below in "Note (3)(c)(i)." Note (3)(c): If the Golden State Warriors had won a championship playing 3 on 5 with Kevin Durant, Kevin Durant would have 1 ring. Note (3)(c)(i): [Confusion] I am unsure if "Note(3)(c)" means he would gain +1 ring, and therefore be "up" to -3 rings total. Possibly, Stugotz means if the Golden State Warriors had won a championship 3 on 5 with Durant, Kevin Durant would be at +1 rings total (Positive 1 rings). (4) Kevin Durant's dagger in Game 3 did not count, because according to Stugotz, none of Durant's stats count. KD's official statline last night was 0/0/0 and the Cavs blew the Warriors out by 40. (5) Anything Kevin Durant has done with the Warriors so far is not in Stugotz' personal record scroll. Note (5)(a): Stugotz did not take his feathered pen and write anything in his scroll (King Roy approves). (6) Westbrook has ALL of KD's rings. (7) For every time KD says he doesn't give a BLEEP, Stugotz adds 2 "I do give a BLEEPS" in the personal record book. (8) Per Dan, speaking on Stugotz' behalf, Kevin Durant has no Olympic Gold Medals (9/18/19 National Hour 1 @ 00:07:50). Michael Jordan (1) Jordan has 9 rings because: (a) The Rockets have to give their 2 rings from 1994 and 1995 to Jordan (+2); and (b) The Bulls would have won the 1999 Finals over the Spurs if Jordan didn't retire (+1; 9 total). Note (1)(a-b)(i): Put LeBron's rings in a box and put Jordan's rings in a box. Jordan is +6 by the way over LeBron box-minus, despite box-minus sounding like a dumb stat. (2) Michael Jordan was suspended for 2 years for gambling (Said 4/25/18 Hour 2, 14:30 in podcast). Note 2(a): HOWEVER, MJ still has 9 rings as see above in (1)(a) and (1)(b). (3) Any game Michael Jordan played wearing the uniform #45 does not count. LeBron James (1) If LeBron James goes to the Golden State Warriors, every Championship he wins will result in a deduction of 2 previously won championships. (2) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were the GREATEST teams in the history of sports (5/7/18 Local Hour). (3) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were also the MOST INTERESTING teams in the history of sports. (4) If, after the 2018 NBA Playoffs: (a) LeBron does not make it to the finals and the Celtics do; and (b) The Houston Rockets do not make it to the finals and the Warriors do; and (c) LeBron goes to the Houston Rockets for the next season, THEN LeBron is allowed to win rings that count in Stu's personal record book. Note (4)(a-c)(i): HOWEVER, Harden & Chris Paul - if they remain on the Rockets with LeBron on the team - are not allowed to have any of the rings won with LeBron count in Stu's personal record book. Note 4(a-c)(ii): To quote the big man Stu (with Dan agreeing of course), "Do it on your own” (Dan agrees here). (5) If LeBron wins an NBA Championship with the 2018 Lakers roster (as of 7/23/18), then that wins counts for 6 rings. Note (5)(a): Thus LeBron would have 9 rings. Kyrie Irving (1) Kyrie Irving hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals History, but was only in that position because of LeBron James. Kyrie Irving, did hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals history that won everyone on that team a Ring, except for you (Kyrie). (3/9/20 Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 07:00). Note (1)(a): Stugotz: "A little revision to the uhhh Stugotz Personal Record Book that I'll come around to writing...or Mike will." I'M WRITING IT YOU IDIOT MORON JACKAL Misc. Basketball (1) The Houston Rockets have 0 (Zero) NBA Championship victories. Note (1)(a): See "Michael Jordan(1)(a)" for reasoning. Note (1)(a)(i): [Restated Reasoning] Michael Jordan is actually in possession of those 1994 and 1995 Rockets rings because Michael Jordan would have won those championships if he stayed in Chicago. Note(1)(b): [CONFLICTING HOT TAKE] Stugotz has also said Jordan didn't get the Rockets' rings because he was actually suspended for gambling. Note (1)(b)(i)NEEDS CLARIFICATION PLEASE. Stugotz keeps going back and forth. In "Michael JordanNote 1(a)," the opposite of "Miscellaneous BasketballNote (1)(b) is stated because he has gone back and forth on this issue. (2) Steve Kerr has no rings as a coach. In fact, he has never even coached a game. (3) Mychal Thompson (Klay's dad) has no rings. (Said on Zach Harper podcast). (4) Clyde Drexler no rings (Said on Zach Harper podcast). (5) Giannis Antetekoumpo is pronounced Yani Adababoombo. (6) As long as James Harden has his beard, he cannot win any championships. Note (6)(a): If the Rockets win a ring, then the ring goes to the beard. (7) Lamarcus Aldridge cost the Spurs game 2 of the 2017 Western Conference Semifinals, even though they won. (8) If the Sixers happen to win a championship, Sam Hinkie gets a ring. (9) Chris Paul has NOT made a Western Conference Final since he had to join the Rockets to do so. (10) Michael Jordan winning the NBA Finals in 1999 also means that Tim Duncan only has 4 rings instead of 5 rings. (11) The Warriors only have 1 ring Note (11)(a): Durant still has -4. (12) Boogie Cousins cannot win a NBA Championship and have it count if he does so with the Warriors. (13) Billy Donovan was the NBA Coach of the Year in 2017 (12/13/17 @ 28:10 Hour 1). Note (13)(a): The Thunder blowing the 3-1 lead to the Warriors that year had nothing to do with Donovan. It was Durant's fault. (14) The OKC Thunder actually did win the WCF against the Warriors in 2017 when up 3-1. Note (14)(a): This does not apply to Durant though. Note (14)(b): The Thunder also beat whoever they would have played in the Finals. Durant still no ring.
BASEBALL
Babe Ruth (1) Babe Ruth is black. (2) Babe Ruth never hit a baseball. Not once. (3) Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin. (4) Babe Ruth is NOT a top 20 Baseball player of all time. He's a pitcher. Note (4)(a): However This is somewhat confusing/interesting because: (i) Stugotz has said "Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin; and" (ii) This MUST mean Stugotz can only have 1 black player in his top 20 Baseball players of all time Barry Larkin; because (iii) The only way this can work logically is if in the list of greatest players #1 through #20, only Barry Larkin is on the latter top #1 through #20 list. I would like some clarification on if he wishes to change this take/record. (5) Babe Ruth is also not a top 20 pitcher of all time. Misc. Baseball (1) Stugotz has declared that in his personal record book, Baseball no longer allows pitchers to hit (Stated on 05/03/2018 @ 12:38:52 P.M). Note (1)(a): Excludes Bartolo Colon, and Shohei Ohtani. Note (1)(b): You are either a pitcher or a hitter. Not both. (2) If the Dodgers won the 2017 World Series Clayton Kershaw would not have had a ring. (3) Wade Boggs DOES have a ring because he rode around on a horse with a beer afterward. (4) Clayton Kershaw did not win an MVP award because the award for pitchers was already given, the CY Young award. (5) Miami beat LSU in the 1996 College Baseball World Series. (6) The 1986 NY Mets did not win the World Series against the Boston Red Sox. Note (6)(a): This "pains" Stugotz. (7) The Red Sox retroactively winning the 1986 World Series may result in taking a ring away from the Mets. Note (7)(a): Stugotz has to think about it though, he's not sure yet. (8) Bryce Harper did not win the 2018 home run derby because he cheated. (9) Kershaw's Earned Ring Average (ERA) is 0.00. (10) Mike Minor (Rangers Pitcher) does not have 200 strikeouts in 2019. He's at 199 (National Hour 2, 10 mins 40 seconds in). Note (10)(a): Chris agrees too. And who really cares (15% on poll do care). (11) The 2020-2021 Mets, during the Coronavirus outbreak, are 0-3 and Jacob deGrom is somehow 0-1 with a 0.00 ERA and 1 complete game. The deGrominator. (Google Podcast 3/30 Hour #3 @ 19:20)
HOCKEY
(1) Ray Bourque doesn't have a ring. (2) Alex Ovechkin may or may not have won the Stanley Cup against the Vegas Golden Knights. Note (2)(a): "I mean he beat an expansion team . . . bunch of players nobody wanted" (We get the sense that Dan agrees).
TENNIS
(1) If anyone wins a major in Female Tennis without Serena Williams playing, it does not count and they have 0 rings. (2) If Maria Sharapova wins a grand slam in which Serena isnt competing it doesnt count.
GOLF
(1) If Jason Day wins the 2018 Masters, it counts as an American winning (as far as bets are concerned). (2) Vijay Singh did not play in the 2018 Masters.
SOCCER
(1) Lionel Messi is stripped of all his achievements for using HGH. He never played soccer. He is still 5'1". "Fraud." (2) Soccer is dead.
MISCELLANEOUS
(1) Aqua? (2) Rings plus-minus is the only way to measure greatness. (3) The HBO Andre the Giant film was good, not great, and Stugotz didn’t learn anything. (4) Benoit Lecomte (guy they interviewed) can not and will not swim from San Francisco to Tokyo in the personal record book because he is most likely taking a dip for a few minutes then coming back on the boat and enjoying some filet mignon by the pool. Note (4)(a): "Do it without a yacht. And how about ya do it without the little magnetic field around you that keeps sharks away. How bout that. Allows dolphins through though? Anyway.." (5) Justify (the Horse) only has a double crown. Note (5)(a): This is the first ever double crown. (6) Tango and Cash is in the action movie Hall of Fame. and Cliffhanger has the greatest 5 minute intro of any movie of all time. (7) Maximum Security (a Horse) won the 2019 Kentucky Derby. (8) Fruit Stripes Gum is NOT a 1st Ballot Hall of Famer in Stu's "Gum Hall of Fame." (08/12/2019 | Hour 2 @ 15:25). Note (8)(a): "It loses it's flavor so quickly" Note (8)(b): Also, "[...] Bazooka...1st Ballot Hall of Famer." Also, "Big League Chew..1st Ballot." (9) Chris Cote owns all intellectual property rights to the "Friends" (TV Show) Movie with a misleading preview that eventually has a climax leading to an intense murder mystery. (10/29/19 Hour #2 @ 03:15). Note (9)(a): "If they make this without crediting Cote, they're stealing it." (10) That guy killed the pigeon (12/10 Hour 3 @ 08:20). (11) Billy owns the record for world's longest Plank (2/25, Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 30:55). Note (11)(a): Possibly in just the Non-Marine edition. (12) Zach Buchanan won a Pulitzer Prize for his story on the Madison Bumgarner / Mason Saunders rodeo fiasco (2/28/20 Hour #2; Google Podcasts @ 21:35). (13) Findlay the Golden retriever holds the Stu Gotz Personal Record Book record for most tennis balls held in a mouth at one time by a dog at 6 (2/11/2020) (14) Ace Davis (The kid who "proved" Tom Brady was cheating with science) and his fathefamily are heroes (4/1 Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 18:50). (15) Dan did NOT do more push-ups than Domonique Foxworth (Dan did push-ups on a non-linear platform) (4/28/2020 Hour # 1).
SPORTS MEDIA DREAM TEAM™
Sourced from Google Podcast; 05/06/2020, Hour 2 @ 09:00 (Head Coach)Ernie Johnson-"When you look over to the bench, what you need is someone to stand tall, someone who is confident, someone who is competent, someone who has all the credibility -soaked in credibility - when you have the Head Coach of the Sports Media Dream Team." (1; Point Guard)Mike Greenberg-"Doesn't really want to answer the big questions, but has no problem distributing those questions to other people who are happy to answer them." (2; Shooting Guard)Stephen A. Smith-"Never met a topic he doesn't like. Short memory, doesn't care, Greeny could throw him anything and Stephen A. is gonna run with it even if he knows nothing about the topic. That is how it works. Stephen A. is the greatest of all time." (3; Small Forward)Chris Fowler-"A do it all guy. Studio show? Great. Play by Play? Even better. Can do everything." (4; Small Forward Replacement)Maria Taylor) -"Need Play by Play, need Sideline, need Studio Host - she can do it all" (5; Power Forward)Dianna Russini-"You need some crazy, some don't mess with us, someone to tear someone's head off in the event that they come after one of us." (6; Power Forward Replacement)PFT Commenter-"He just comes in and acts crazy, throws his arms and hair around, and give ya 5 to 10 really crazy minutes." (7; In honor of the Chicago Bulls, Stugotz needed a Wennington, a Purdue)Scott Van Pelt- Dan debated whether or not SVP should be on the Sports Media Dream Team™. That's what he's doing. (8; Bench Player w/ No Position Specified)Doris Burke (9) Teased.../I didn't finish listening to the show yet
Replay by Ken Grimwood, or How Audible Tricked Me Into Hate Reading My Favorite Trope
Congratulations, Audible. Your marketing worked. You figured out I’m hot trash for any story involving time loops, and you found a book to put in front of me for $3. Well played. Replay by Ken Grimwood follows a man who dies of a heart attack in 1988. He was only 43 years old. Luckily for him, he wakes back up in his college dorm as an 18-year-old boy in 1963. All of his memories are intact, and he has his entire life ahead of him… again. Sound intriguing? I thought so too. If you’d like to dive into this book spoiler-free, stop reading here. Major spoilers to come. There’s so much to explore with this concept, from the protagonist having fun exploiting future knowledge to the philosophical implications of this endless cycle of time. Jeff Winston, our plucky time looping hero, decides to make the most of his lives by exploring an ageless, time-honored tradition espoused by philosophers throughout history: fuck bitches, get money. Jeff quickly breaks up with his college sweetheart when she fails to understand the sexual prowess he’s gained from his past life. He then exploits every friend and family member he has to borrow money to bet on the Kentucky Derby. You know, because he happened to remember the winning horse from 25 years ago off the top of his head. As one does. Once Jeff has secured his fortune and started his own highly successful company (creatively named Future, Inc.), he dedicates his numerous lives toward pursuing sexual pleasure. In one cycle, he tries out the Party Girl experience. When that fails to satisfy him because the party girl \checks notes** likes to party, he attempts to woo his former wife as a young woman. But alas, his would-be lover fails to succumb to his constant bragging about how rich he is. Light stalking follows. From there, Jeff cycles through a handful of women throughout his lives. Sometimes he cheats on one love interest with another from a previous life. Most memorably, perhaps, is his decision to buy original Party Girl a plane ticket to Paris to join him in a year or so of wild sex parties. After two of his partners finish competing to see who could sleep with twenty men in the same orgy, Jeff has a moment of profound vulnerability. He opens up to one of the women and admits he knows the future. His swinging buddies have the gall, the pluck, the sheer audacity to make fun of him for this unasked for round of sharing. So, like any rational man, Jeff angrily returns to the U.S. with Party Girl in tow. They nearly die in a plane crash on the way—after all, Jeff’s remarkable memory only extends to horse races and investment opportunities, not things that could kill him. Jeff comforts Party Girl by abandoning her on the runway after a rough crash landing. Before you judge Jeff too harshly, remember that Party Girl had this coming. She made fun of Jeff. There is eventually a semblance of plot. Other than the awkward moments where Jeff fondly remembers destroying a bridge as a 12-year-old because his hot teacher loved her husband more than him, the time he had sex while tripping on acid and imagined he was sleeping with his daughter, and coming onto his former lover when she’s only 14 years old, the book does improve in the second half. Things get interesting when Jeff meets a woman who is also replaying her lives. The two of them contemplate the nature of the time loops, impacting the future, and finding other replayers like themselves. Oh, and they fuck. A lot. Meeting this fellow time looper has a profound effect on Jeff. To take a direct quote from the book:
“Her wet inner flesh was like something ancient, something proto human.”
Time loops, right? So philosophical. I often hear the advice “write what you know,” and the results are apparent in this book. Both the author and the protagonist were born in Alabama in the mid 1940s, grew up in Florida, went to Emory College, and then had a long career in radio journalism. Morbidly, they also both died from heart attacks. If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what people thought about Replay when it was published 30ish years ago. It managed to win the World Fantasy Award in 1988, beating out: • Ægypt by John Crowley • Misery by Stephen King • On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers • Seventh Son by Orson Scott Card • Swan Song by Robert R. McCammon • Weaveworld by Clive Barker Maybe I’m just missing something, but this was one of the few books I’ve one-starred. The story concept had so much potential, but it turned out to be cringeworthy sex fantasies with a healthy does of misogyny added for flavor. So… yeah. Well played, Audible. You got me this time. For a book that’s everything Replay should have been (and more), I highly recommend The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Claire North. This review and others can be found at The Fantasy Inn.
Saturday November 30, 2019 Aqueduct Racetrack Race: 7 (2:46 PM EST Post) Aqueduct Turf Sprint Championship Fully Vested was a close up third in the “Belmont” Sprint Championship run in a smoking 1:07.1 and scored a 100 BSF in the process. This five year old gelding by Discreet Cat beat mid level optionals two back also in “racehorse” time. Looks best in a weakly drawn field…………………….Dubini is just 1 for his last 11 but has hit the board seven times, including coming from way back to win the Laurel Dash Stakes two back. Lastly, note the BSFs of between 90 and 93 in his last six in a row….that’s pretty consistent…………….You know it’s a weak field when I have to put Vici, who is 2 for his last 19 and 0 for 8 in 2019 in the “show dough” slot. Race: 8 (3:15 PM EST Post) The Discovery Tax towers over this field in money won and “back class”. The 2019 Jim Dandy winner has chased the top three year olds, including Maximum Security, Honor Code and Tacitus, all year long and absolutely held his own throughout. Trainer Danny Gargan picks a very good spot for his return to the races here……………………..Performer is a stretch runner by Speightstown from the Shug McGaughey barn who is 3 for 4 in his career. This chestnut colt will be taking a sizable step up in class in this spot but, judging by his ascending BSF (71, 87, 96 and 95), he could be up to the task……………………Majid possesses excellent early speed as he rattled of four straight coast to coast scores in the first half of the year. This son of Shackleford clearly went out of form in the second half of the year and received a mini vacation. If he is freshened up, and I suspect he might, he’ll be the one to catch on the turn for home………………Mubarmarj is a $375,000 son of Curlin from a scalding hot Chad Brown barn who has won his last two while showing great versatility. Steps up but could be a menace. Race: 9 (4:44 EST Post) Long Island Handicap Si Que Es Buena is well named (means Yes, That is Good) as she has run well in all four North American starts. Good looking five year old mare just missed in this race last year, won back to back Stakes’, then had legitimate excuses in her last (first start off a layoff and overmatched in a Grade: 1). Drops into a very realistic spot but draws the rail which might hurt her a little. Past that, she looks best……………………..Romantic Pursuit was only beaten by a total of four lengths vs. much better in her last two. Distance will be no problem for this very well bred mare (by Medgalia d ‘Oro out of Grade: 1 winner Questing) and she looms a serious threat here…………………………Lift Up is a well traveled, stretch runner by the wickedly fast Ghostzapper who has won three of her last four. Her BSF don’t match up all that well but note the 6 for 11 record on the turf and this race does appear to set up well for her………………………………Honorable Mentions: Empressof the Nile has run well in three of her last four and is another with a good excuses in her one poor, recent outing (overmatched in a Grade: 1). Note the 2 for 2 on this turf course for this daughter of the late Pioneerof the Nile………………..Homeland Security was charging hard, late behind Empressof the Nile and just missed catching her. Daughter of Smart Strike won a Stakes race two back at Monmouth and could conceivably outrun this rating. Churchill Downs Race: 9 (4:57PM EST Post) Golden Rod Stakes This race might be a bit of a “wildcard.” There are heavy rains expected in Louisville on Saturday and only one filly in this race has ever ran on an off track. I like the versatility Finite has displayed thus far in her career. Chestnut filly by Munnings showed excellent early speed two and three races back yet came from slightly off the pace when clobbering a Stakes field in her CD debut in her last. We know the Santana Jr./Asmussen combination is deadly and, in watching her videos, I see no reason to think she will not handle the added distance here…………………….His Glory recorded an excellent second in a Grade: 2 on this oval two starts back. Filly by Mineshaft was much the best, in leading all the way, when beating high priced optionals last time out. Figures close at the end of this one………………….Turtle Trax has won two of three to start her career and looked good while pasting six horse in the final quarter mile when beating high priced optionals in her last. Note, she came home the last sixteenth of a mile in a very good :06.2, signaling to me she too shouldn’t have a problem with the stretch out in distance………………Honorable Mentions: Bean is very intriguing to me. $340,000 filly by Bernardini ran very well in both synthetics starts but stumbled and lost her rider at the break in her first start over the dirt in her last. If she is able to replicate either of those synthetics races on the dirt, she could be a menace here……………………..She can’t Sing wired maidens by a wide margin in her dirt debut. Another filly by Bernardini, her speed figures say she might be a contender in this race but her split and final times tell a different story…………………Lady Glamour has some ability but chased Finite last time out. Race: 11 (5:56 PM EST Post) Kentucky Jockey Club Stakes See the Golden Rod Stakes as this appear to be a bit of a “wildcard” also being only two of the nine colts entered have ever run on an off track. Tiz the Law could NOT have looked any more impressive coming form behind and bulldozing his rivals in the prestigious Champagne Stakes at Belmont last time out. Colt by the super hot Constitution broke poorly in that race and still won laughing. Absolute monster work last week signals to me he’s sitting on anther big race……………..In taking Tiz the Law, South Bend scares the bejesus out of me. Handsome colt by Algorithms has showed impressible late runs in all three career starts/wins. He is 2 for 2 on this oval, is another who has worked well for this (including a decent 4F in the mud) and he only appears to get stronger as the distances get longer. Serious threat right here…………………….Fighting Seabee came with a brazen late run and just missed behind South Bend in his last, which was actually his dirt debut. His speed figures are climbing and the added distance should only help……………………Honorable Mentions:Enforceable is another who is clearly improving. Regally bred colt (Tapit out of Justwhistledixie, making him a half brother to Mohaymen) looked good breaking his maiden two back then finished within shouting distance of the apparently mega talented Maxfield in a Grade:1 last time out…….could better this rating……………….After setting a quick early pace, Silver Prospector was still hanging and banging in deep stretch in his last vs. South Bend and Enforceable…………………Shotski made a bold move on the turn but hung like a cheap suit down the lane in that same race. Possible threat with a race at the route distance under his belt……………………..Lastly, watch the board 4-5 minutes before post time on Finnick the Fierce, who was wiped out at the start of his last but fought back gamely, late and was only beaten by less than two lengths. Del Mar Thoroughbred Club Race: 2 (3:33 PM EST Post) Jimmy Durante Stakes Alms was visually impressive coming from behind to take both starts in NY, including the Grade: 3 matron in her last……………….Croughavouke appears to be her main competition as this filly was beaten by less that five lengths in the BC Filly Turf last time out. All four prior races, here and abroad, were all strong as well. A “must use” in any exotics betting situations……………………… Princess Caroline also merits respect off her maiden win and racing debut. Filly by the great American Phaorah won going away at 8 ½ furlongs (tough to do in your first race), is proven at the distance and has trainer well of late. Race: 6 (5:30 PM EST Post) Seabiscuit Handicap Prince Earl has run well in all six career starts, highlighted by just missing in the City of Hope Stakes last time out in a mile run in a snappy 1:32.4. This son of Paddy O’Prado won a Grade; 2 Stakes two back, so it appears he fits nicely in this spot and that last work (5F- 1:01, dogs up) was much better than it looks on paper……………….Cleopatra’s Strike is lightly raced this year but has run big in all of his starts, highlighted by taking down the John Henry Stakes in his last. Should be coming late in this spot………………..Sacred Life is another who has run well in all three U.S starts. I loved his Brisnet Speed Figures in those starts as well (97, 97 and you guessed it 97)…………………Honorable Mentions: Om totally outran his 15-1 odds in the BC Turf Sprint last time out while fishing a very good second. I just think a mile and a sixteenth is a little out of his range……………… It’s been a long time between drinks (wins) for River Boyne. In fact, I’m starting to question if he’s possibly lost a step recently. Note how this colt was 6 for 9 last year and 0 for 6 this year. If he bounces back to last year’s form, and he could here, he should be a menace. Race: 8 (6:30PM EST Post) HollywoodDerby Mo Forza is just 2 for 7 in his career but I just loved the way he won/upset the Twilight Derby in his last. Colt by Uncle Mo showed several “gears” in the running of that race, highlighted by coming home the last furlongs in smoking :11.1 second……narrow margin in a wide open horse race……………….Neptune Storm always fires his best shot and has yet to miss the board as his 2019 record of 9-4-2-3 record would indicate although he is 0 for 2 on this turf course, he must be considered off of consistency alone…………………………I’m going to give Nolde a “mulligan” for his last race/disappoint effort because he won three of his prior four races on the turf with outstanding final times in his last two………………….Honorable Mentions: Standard Deviation is 2 for 4 on the turf, including a pair of Stakes wins and ran fairly well vs. better in his other two………………..Henley’s Joy is the only Grade: 1 winner in this field but is a little too inconsistent for my liking…………….Digital Age has also disappointed of late. That said, if he bounced back to form to any one of his previous races, he’ll outrun this rating for sure…………………….Couple of other to consider include: Succeedandsurpass, who hasn’t run a bad race in five career starts and finished right behind Mo Forza twice in the past, Mr. Dumas, who is 2 for 3 on thru turf , including winning the Grade: 3 Commonwealth at Churchill last time out and Proud Pedro, who possesses a strong late run and seems to be improving but will be taking a big step up in class in this spot. By: Gerard ApadulaDirector of Equine Operations and DevelopmentKnights of the Round Stable Thoroughbred Racing Team[[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])2019- Record: 77-228 = 34%2018- Record: 107-261= 41%2017- Record: 92-235 = 39%2016- Record: 91-229 = 40%2015- Record: 67-180 = 37%2014- Record: 29-73 = 40%2013- Record: 20-59= 34%2012 -Record: 24-73= 33%2011 –Record: N/A2010- Record: 24-74= 33% Little Bets N’ Pieces **** Corey Nakatani, a winner of 3,909 races and more than $234 million in earnings, announced his retirement Nov. 23. Badly injured in a spill in the final race at Del Mar on Aug. 4, 2018, he wanted to return to competition, but the injuries ultimately led him to conclude his riding career. "Although I never imagined this was how my career would end, I am very proud of my accomplishments and know that I competed at the very highest of levels, which gives me a sense of satisfaction," he said in the release, distributed by his son and agent, Matt Nakatani. Among his many top mounts were Lava Man, Sandpit, My Miss Aurelia, Serena's Song, Lite Light, and Shared Belief. **** WinStar Farm stallions Daredevil and Super Saver have been acquired by the Turkish Jockey Club and will relocate to Turkey, WinStar announced Nov. 27. "The Turkish Jockey Club has done extremely well with Victory Gallop, who is the leading sire in Turkey, and has made a concerted effort to improve their stallion roster this year through the purchase of Bodemeister , Trappe Shot , Super Saver, and Daredevil, among others," said Elliott Walden, president, CEO, and racing manager of WinStar Farm. "We look forward to following their careers in Turkey." Super Saver, a 12-year-old by Maria's Mon who won the 2010 Kentucky Derby, sired 22 black type winners to date, including three Grade 1 winners in champion sprinter Runhappy, Competiive Edge, and Embellish the Lace. Daredevil, a 7-year-old son of More Than Ready, won the 2014 Champagne Stakes at Belmont Park. His first crop hit the racetrack in 2019 and includes multiple stakes winner Deviant, Stakes placed Shedaresthedevil, and stakes-placed Jewel of Arabia. He's sired a total of 10 winners so far this year.
[Bored During Quarantine?] Reposting the Stugotz Personal Record Book that I've been maintaining since the bit began - Media Dream Team™ included at the Bottom.
[Time Stamps] Recently started to use them in late 2019. They may not be exact based on what podcast app or service you use. But they'll be close. In 2020 I've started to use Google Podcasts for the time stamps, and they'll be labeled if used. When a new entry is added because Stugotz said something, I go back and edit it into this post. If you have any I missed - message me. I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS:
FOOTBALL
(1) UCF is the 2017-2018 national champion. (2) If Kirk Cousins goes to the Jaguars and not the Jets, no championship he wins will count in the personal record book. Note (2)(a): Still pending sort of since Kirk is with the Vikings now – possible in future he could go to Jags. (3) Eli manning has 1 ring. He doesnt get one for throwing a ball into David Tyree's face / Tyree getting a football stuck in his helmet. (4) Carson Wentz has a Super Bowl 52 ring. Note (4)(a): Foles does not have a Super Bowl 52 ring. (5) The Raiders defeated the Patriots in their divisional playoff matchup in 2002 (Tuck Rule game), and then would defeat the Rams in Super Bowl 36. Note (5)(a): In this scenario also, Bill Belichick was also "fired and looking for a job" after the Tuck Rule game and has 0 rings. (6) If the 2017 Patriots won Super Bowl 52, James Harrison would not have a ring (Patriots lost to Eagles). (7) Peyton Manning has one ring (Broncos ring does not count). (8) Peyton Manning must give such ring he lost (above) to Von Miller, who thus has 2 rings. (9) Aaron Rodgers can have all the rings he wants for keeping all of central Wisconsin employed. (10) Brian Billick has 0 rings (2000 Ravens Super Bowl) because that defense carried him. (11) Tony Boselli is a Hall of Famer. (12) Tarik Cohen is an honorary Jew. (13) JuJu Smith-Schuster is also an honorary Jew. L'Chaim. (14) Drew brees has three rings for winning the super bowl for the city of New Orleans. Note (14)(a): There was discussion on this where the number started at three, went up to five, came down to two, but it ended up at three. (15) Mike McCarthy has no Super Bowl rings. Note(15)(a): Dan also has this in his record book, and it is the first entry into the Le Batard Personal Record Book. Note 15(b): In fact, McCarthy has -3 (Negative three) rings. (16) Any Super Bowl rings Antonio Brown gets with the Patriots will not count in the Stugotz personal record book (9/9 Weekend Observations National Hour 2). (17) Ohio State's 76 to 5 victory over Miami (Ohio) on 9/21/19 does not count.
BASKETBALL
Kevin Durant (1) If Westbrook wins a championship and beats Kevin Durant along the way in the playoffs, Westbrook will have won 2 championship rings. (2)"STRAP IT ON BOYS, GONNA TAKE YA FOR A RIDE:" Kevin Durant has 0 rings (Zero rings) Kevin Durant has -1 rings (Negative 1 rings). Kevin Durant has -4 rings (Negative 4) (As of 4/11/18) Note (2)(a): This number is subject to change based on Stugotz altering rings to the "-4" current total. Specifically as seen recently when Stugotz adjusted the number from (i) 0 rings to (ii) -1 rings to (iii) -4 rings. Note (2)(b):Here is a tweet transcript of the conversation where this was discovered. Archive link (3) If Kevin Durant wins an NBA title for the NY Knicks, he will gain 11 rings. Note (3)(a): As seen above in "(2)," Kevin Durant has -4 rings. Note (3)(b): [Math] If Durant were to remain at -4 rings, and subsequently win an NBA title for the Knicks, he will have 7 rings total. This was specifically stated (-4 + 11 = 7), and a question about a non-specifically stated Personal Record Book entry is posed below in "Note (3)(c)(i)." Note (3)(c): If the Golden State Warriors had won a championship playing 3 on 5 with Kevin Durant, Kevin Durant would have 1 ring. Note (3)(c)(i): [Confusion] I am unsure if "Note(3)(c)" means he would gain +1 ring, and therefore be "up" to -3 rings total. Possibly, Stugotz means if the Golden State Warriors had won a championship 3 on 5 with Durant, Kevin Durant would be at +1 rings total (Positive 1 rings). (4) Kevin Durant's dagger in Game 3 did not count, because according to Stugotz, none of Durant's stats count. KD's official statline last night was 0/0/0 and the Cavs blew the Warriors out by 40. (5) Anything Kevin Durant has done with the Warriors so far is not in Stugotz' personal record scroll. Note (5)(a): Stugotz did not take his feathered pen and write anything in his scroll (King Roy approves). (6) Westbrook has ALL of KD's rings. (7) For every time KD says he doesn't give a BLEEP, Stugotz adds 2 "I do give a BLEEPS" in the personal record book. (8) Per Dan, speaking on Stugotz' behalf, Kevin Durant has no Olympic Gold Medals (9/18/19 National Hour 1 @ 00:07:50). Michael Jordan (1) Jordan has 9 rings because: (a) The Rockets have to give their 2 rings from 1994 and 1995 to Jordan (+2); and (b) The Bulls would have won the 1999 Finals over the Spurs if Jordan didn't retire (+1; 9 total). Note (1)(a-b)(i): Put LeBron's rings in a box and put Jordan's rings in a box. Jordan is +6 by the way over LeBron box-minus, despite box-minus sounding like a dumb stat. (2) Michael Jordan was suspended for 2 years for gambling (Said 4/25/18 Hour 2, 14:30 in podcast). Note 2(a): HOWEVER, MJ still has 9 rings as see above in (1)(a) and (1)(b). (3) Any game Michael Jordan played wearing the uniform #45 does not count. LeBron James (1) If LeBron James goes to the Golden State Warriors, every Championship he wins will result in a deduction of 2 previously won championships. (2) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were the GREATEST teams in the history of sports (5/7/18 Local Hour). (3) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were also the MOST INTERESTING teams in the history of sports. (4) If, after the 2018 NBA Playoffs: (a) LeBron does not make it to the finals and the Celtics do; and (b) The Houston Rockets do not make it to the finals and the Warriors do; and (c) LeBron goes to the Houston Rockets for the next season, THEN LeBron is allowed to win rings that count in Stu's personal record book. Note (4)(a-c)(i): HOWEVER, Harden & Chris Paul - if they remain on the Rockets with LeBron on the team - are not allowed to have any of the rings won with LeBron count in Stu's personal record book. Note 4(a-c)(ii): To quote the big man Stu (with Dan agreeing of course), "Do it on your own” (Dan agrees here). (5) If LeBron wins an NBA Championship with the 2018 Lakers roster (as of 7/23/18), then that wins counts for 6 rings. Note (5)(a): Thus LeBron would have 9 rings. Kyrie Irving (1) Kyrie Irving hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals History, but was only in that position because of LeBron James. Kyrie Irving, did hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals history that won everyone on that team a Ring, except for you (Kyrie). (3/9/20 Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 07:00). Note (1)(a): Stugotz: "A little revision to the uhhh Stugotz Personal Record Book that I'll come around to writing...or Mike will." I'M WRITING IT YOU IDIOT MORON JACKAL Misc. Basketball (1) The Houston Rockets have 0 (Zero) NBA Championship victories. Note (1)(a): See "Michael Jordan(1)(a)" for reasoning. Note (1)(a)(i): [Restated Reasoning] Michael Jordan is actually in possession of those 1994 and 1995 Rockets rings because Michael Jordan would have won those championships if he stayed in Chicago. Note(1)(b): [CONFLICTING HOT TAKE] Stugotz has also said Jordan didn't get the Rockets' rings because he was actually suspended for gambling. Note (1)(b)(i)NEEDS CLARIFICATION PLEASE. Stugotz keeps going back and forth. In "Michael JordanNote 1(a)," the opposite of "Miscellaneous BasketballNote (1)(b) is stated because he has gone back and forth on this issue. (2) Steve Kerr has no rings as a coach. In fact, he has never even coached a game. (3) Mychal Thompson (Klay's dad) has no rings. (Said on Zach Harper podcast). (4) Clyde Drexler no rings (Said on Zach Harper podcast). (5) Giannis Antetekoumpo is pronounced Yani Adababoombo. (6) As long as James Harden has his beard, he cannot win any championships. Note (6)(a): If the Rockets win a ring, then the ring goes to the beard. (7) Lamarcus Aldridge cost the Spurs game 2 of the 2017 Western Conference Semifinals, even though they won. (8) If the Sixers happen to win a championship, Sam Hinkie gets a ring. (9) Chris Paul has NOT made a Western Conference Final since he had to join the Rockets to do so. (10) Michael Jordan winning the NBA Finals in 1999 also means that Tim Duncan only has 4 rings instead of 5 rings. (11) The Warriors only have 1 ring Note (11)(a): Durant still has -4. (12) Boogie Cousins cannot win a NBA Championship and have it count if he does so with the Warriors. (13) Billy Donovan was the NBA Coach of the Year in 2017 (12/13/17 @ 28:10 Hour 1). Note (13)(a): The Thunder blowing the 3-1 lead to the Warriors that year had nothing to do with Donovan. It was Durant's fault. (14) The OKC Thunder actually did win the WCF against the Warriors in 2017 when up 3-1. Note (14)(a): This does not apply to Durant though. Note (14)(b): The Thunder also beat whoever they would have played in the Finals. Durant still no ring. (15) Whoever wins the 2019-2020 NBA Season Championship (Coronavirus year), did not win a Championship (5/14/2020; Google Podcast, Hour #1 @ 03:15)
BASEBALL
Babe Ruth (1) Babe Ruth is black. (2) Babe Ruth never hit a baseball. Not once. (3) Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin. (4) Babe Ruth is NOT a top 20 Baseball player of all time. He's a pitcher. Note (4)(a): However This is somewhat confusing/interesting because: (i) Stugotz has said "Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin; and" (ii) This MUST mean Stugotz can only have 1 black player in his top 20 Baseball players of all time Barry Larkin; because (iii) The only way this can work logically is if in the list of greatest players #1 through #20, only Barry Larkin is on the latter top #1 through #20 list. I would like some clarification on if he wishes to change this take/record. (5) Babe Ruth is also not a top 20 pitcher of all time. Misc. Baseball (1) Stugotz has declared that in his personal record book, Baseball no longer allows pitchers to hit (Stated on 05/03/2018 @ 12:38:52 P.M). Note (1)(a): Excludes Bartolo Colon, and Shohei Ohtani. Note (1)(b): You are either a pitcher or a hitter. Not both. (2) If the Dodgers won the 2017 World Series Clayton Kershaw would not have had a ring. (3) Wade Boggs DOES have a ring because he rode around on a horse with a beer afterward. (4) Clayton Kershaw did not win an MVP award because the award for pitchers was already given, the CY Young award. (5) Miami beat LSU in the 1996 College Baseball World Series. (6) The 1986 NY Mets did not win the World Series against the Boston Red Sox. Note (6)(a): This "pains" Stugotz. (7) The Red Sox retroactively winning the 1986 World Series may result in taking a ring away from the Mets. Note (7)(a): Stugotz has to think about it though, he's not sure yet. (8) Bryce Harper did not win the 2018 home run derby because he cheated. (9) Kershaw's Earned Ring Average (ERA) is 0.00. (10) Mike Minor (Rangers Pitcher) does not have 200 strikeouts in 2019. He's at 199 (National Hour 2, 10 mins 40 seconds in). Note (10)(a): Chris agrees too. And who really cares (15% on poll do care). (11) The 2020-2021 Mets, during the Coronavirus outbreak, are 0-3 and Jacob deGrom is somehow 0-1 with a 0.00 ERA and 1 complete game. The deGrominator. (Google Podcast 3/30 Hour #3 @ 19:20)
HOCKEY
(1) Ray Bourque doesn't have a ring. (2) Alex Ovechkin may or may not have won the Stanley Cup against the Vegas Golden Knights. Note (2)(a): "I mean he beat an expansion team . . . bunch of players nobody wanted" (We get the sense that Dan agrees).
TENNIS
(1) If anyone wins a major in Female Tennis without Serena Williams playing, it does not count and they have 0 rings. (2) If Maria Sharapova wins a grand slam in which Serena isnt competing it doesnt count.
GOLF
(1) If Jason Day wins the 2018 Masters, it counts as an American winning (as far as bets are concerned). (2) Vijay Singh did not play in the 2018 Masters.
SOCCER
(1) Lionel Messi is stripped of all his achievements for using HGH. He never played soccer. He is still 5'1". "Fraud." (2) Soccer is dead.
MISCELLANEOUS
(1) Aqua? (2) Rings plus-minus is the only way to measure greatness. (3) The HBO Andre the Giant film was good, not great, and Stugotz didn’t learn anything. (4) Benoit Lecomte (guy they interviewed) can not and will not swim from San Francisco to Tokyo in the personal record book because he is most likely taking a dip for a few minutes then coming back on the boat and enjoying some filet mignon by the pool. Note (4)(a): "Do it without a yacht. And how about ya do it without the little magnetic field around you that keeps sharks away. How bout that. Allows dolphins through though? Anyway.." (5) Justify (the Horse) only has a double crown. Note (5)(a): This is the first ever double crown. (6) Tango and Cash is in the action movie Hall of Fame. and Cliffhanger has the greatest 5 minute intro of any movie of all time. (7) Maximum Security (a Horse) won the 2019 Kentucky Derby. (8) Fruit Stripes Gum is NOT a 1st Ballot Hall of Famer in Stu's "Gum Hall of Fame." (08/12/2019 | Hour 2 @ 15:25). Note (8)(a): "It loses it's flavor so quickly" Note (8)(b): Also, "[...] Bazooka...1st Ballot Hall of Famer." Also, "Big League Chew..1st Ballot." (9) Chris Cote owns all intellectual property rights to the "Friends" (TV Show) Movie with a misleading preview that eventually has a climax leading to an intense murder mystery. (10/29/19 Hour #2 @ 03:15). Note (9)(a): "If they make this without crediting Cote, they're stealing it." (10) That guy killed the pigeon (12/10 Hour 3 @ 08:20). (11) Billy owns the record for world's longest Plank (2/25, Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 30:55). Note (11)(a): Possibly in just the Non-Marine edition. (12) Zach Buchanan won a Pulitzer Prize for his story on the Madison Bumgarner / Mason Saunders rodeo fiasco (2/28/20 Hour #2; Google Podcasts @ 21:35). (13) Findlay the Golden retriever holds the Stu Gotz Personal Record Book record for most tennis balls held in a mouth at one time by a dog at 6 (2/11/2020) (14) Ace Davis (The kid who "proved" Tom Brady was cheating with science) and his fathefamily are heroes (4/1 Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 18:50). (15) Dan did NOT do more push-ups than Domonique Foxworth (Dan did push-ups on a non-linear platform) (4/28/2020 Hour # 1).
SPORTS MEDIA DREAM TEAM™
Sourced from Google Podcast; 05/06/2020, Hour 2 @ 09:00 (Head Coach)Ernie Johnson-"When you look over to the bench, what you need is someone to stand tall, someone who is confident, someone who is competent, someone who has all the credibility -soaked in credibility - when you have the Head Coach of the Sports Media Dream Team." (1; Point Guard)Mike Greenberg-"Doesn't really want to answer the big questions, but has no problem distributing those questions to other people who are happy to answer them." (2; Shooting Guard)Stephen A. Smith-"Never met a topic he doesn't like. Short memory, doesn't care, Greeny could throw him anything and Stephen A. is gonna run with it even if he knows nothing about the topic. That is how it works. Stephen A. is the greatest of all time." (3; Small Forward)Chris Fowler-"A do it all guy. Studio show? Great. Play by Play? Even better. Can do everything." (4; Small Forward Replacement)Maria Taylor) -"Need Play by Play, need Sideline, need Studio Host - she can do it all" (5; Power Forward)Dianna Russini-"You need some crazy, some don't mess with us, someone to tear someone's head off in the event that they come after one of us." (6; Power Forward Replacement)PFT Commenter-"He just comes in and acts crazy, throws his arms and hair around, and give ya 5 to 10 really crazy minutes." (7; In honor of the Chicago Bulls, Stugotz needed a Wennington, a Purdue)Scott Van Pelt- Dan debated whether or not SVP should be on the Sports Media Dream Team™. That's what he's doing. (8; Bench Player w/ No Position Specified)Doris Burke (9) Teased.../I didn't finish listening to the show yet
I’m not recommending any exactas in a wide open race but if you consider the wager, in addition to those above also consider #11 Justinian and #13 Coil Me Home, at least for the second position on those exacta tickets.
Parsimony opens at hard to ignore 10/1 odds, mostly because he just broke his maiden, BUT this is a first level allowance and not only does he fit perfectly, he faced and ran well to much tougher foes than he faces today. So highly regarded earlier this year as a maiden, Parsimony ran in the Cinema Stakes and finished second, ran in the Los Alamitos Derby and finished second to Game Winner and ran in a couple of other stakes on the Road to the Kentucky Derby. Finally put where belongs last out, in a maiden dirt sprint, he won easily at 5 to 2 and so 10/1 here could prove to be very profitable if he just repeats that last effort which earned a solid 105 Equibase Figure.
Candy Cornell has just one win in 12 career starts and four runner-up finishes but his last race, under nearly identical conditions, was his best yet as he missed by a half-length for the win and was a head behind runner-up Rogallo for second.
Rogallo was making his fifth career start that day BUT ONLY his second in a dirt sprint, having won a dirt sprint in his debut, and Candy Cornell broke his maiden in a dirt sprint, so both have good shots to be competitive right back, opening at 8/1 and 6/1, respectively.
Threefiveindia has four career wins including one at this level but is in for the optional claiming price today first off the Miller claim at the same level. That was his first start after eight months off and his first after being gelded, so we can and should expect improvement second off the layoff, second off the gelding and first off the claim by a top barn.
Top Brass can be considered a contender if he gets in from the also-eligible list as he loves to win, with a 7 for 13 record on dirt. He too was claimed out of his last race, a fine runner-up effort when beaten a half-length, over the track, and from an outside post he can stalk the speed and close nicely just as he did for all three of his previous wins in six starts on the Santa Anita dirt.
Full Card Breeders' Cup Analysis for ALL races Friday & Saturday is now available by clickinghere to go to Equibaseand most online wagering sites Follow Me on Twitter @Ubercapper Other racing content Weekend Stakes Blog at keenelandselect.com/blogs/ksbloggerWeekend Key Races & Bets Blog and Podcast at amwager.com/handicapping/ellis-starr-blogAnalysis of major stakes races every Friday at equibase.com/free Free Selection for one free race daily at:Keeneland - keeneland.com/racing/wagering/expert-picks/Ellis StarrSanta Anita - santaanita.com/authoellisstarrWoodbine - woodbine.com/handicapping/ellis-star
[February 2020 Edition] Stugotz Personal Record Book.
Time Stamps may not be exact based on what podcast app or service you use. But they'll be close.
Football
(1) UCF is the 2017-2018 national champion. (2) If Kirk Cousins goes to the Jaguars and not the Jets, no championship he wins will count in the personal record book (Still pending sort of since Kirk is with the Vikings now – possible in future he could go to Jags). (3) Eli manning has 1 ring. He doesnt get one for throwing a ball into David Tyree's face / Tyree getting a football stuck in his helmet. (4) Carson Wentz has a SB 52 ring. Foles doesnt. (5) The Raiders defeated the Patriots in their divisional playoff matchup in 2002 (Tuck Rule game), then would defeat the Rams in Super Bowl 36. In this scenario also, Bill Belichick was also "fired and looking for a job" after the Tuck Rule game and has 0 rings. (6) If the 2017 Patriots won Super Bowl 52, James Harrison would not have a ring (Patriots lost to Eagles). (7) Peyton Manning has one ring (Broncos ring does not count). (8) Peyton Manning must give such ring he lost (above) to Von Miller, who thus has 2 rings. (9) Aaron Rodgers can have all the rings he wants for keeping all of central Wisconsin employed. (10) Brian Billick has 0 rings (2000 Ravens SB) because that defense carried him. (11) Tony Boselli is a Hall of Famer. (12) Tarik Cohen is an honorary Jew. (13) JuJu Smith-Schuster is also an honorary Jew. L'Chaim. (14) Drew brees has three rings for winning the super bowl for the city if new orleans (there was discussion on this where the number started at three, went up to five, came down to two, but iirc it ended up at three) (15) Mike McCarthy has no Super Bowl rings. Dan also has this in his record book. In fact, McCarthy has -3 (negative three) rings. (16) Any Super Bowl rings Antonio Brown gets with the Patriots will not count in the Stugotz personal record book. 9/9 Weekend Observations National Hour 2. (17) Ohio States 76 to 5 victory over Miami (OH) on 9/21/19 does not count.
Basketball
Kevin Durant (1) If Westbrook wins a championship and beats Kevin Durant along the way in the playoffs, Westbrook will have won 2 championship rings. (2)Kevin Durant has -1 rings (negative 1 rings). As of 4/11/18 Durant has -4 Rings. Here is a tweet transcript of the conversation where this was discovered. https://twitter.com/AndFinallyDLB/status/984180896927543297 (3) If Kevin Durant wins an NBA title for the NY Knicks, he will gain 11 rings. However, as seen above, Durant has -4 rings and if he were to remain at -4, then win for the Knicks, he will have 7 rings total. This number is subject to change based on Stugotz altering the "-4" current total as seen recently when Stugotz adjusted the number from 0 rings to -1 rings to -4 rings. Another interesting note is that Stugotz has also said, If the Warriors won a championship playing 3 on 5 Kevin Durant would have 1 ring. I am unsure if this means he would gain +1 ring, and therefore be down to -3 rings total, or whether it means if they win a championship 3 on 5, he would be at (positive)+1 rings total. (4) Kevin Durant's dagger in Game 3 did not count, because according to Stugotz none of Durant's stats count. KD's official statline last night was 0/0/0 and the Cavs blew the Warriors out by 40. (5) Anything Kevin Durant has done with the Warriors is not n Stugotz' personal record scroll. (Stugotz did not take his feathered pen and write anything in his scroll (King Roy approves)). (6) Westbrook had ALL of KD's rings. (7) For every time KD says he doesn't give a BLEEP, Stugotz adds 2 "I do give a BLEEPS" in the personal record book. (8) Per Dan, speaking on Stugotz' behalf, KD has no Olympic Gold Medals (9/18/19 National Hour 1 @ 00:07:50). Michael Jordan (1) Jordan has 9 rings since (a) the Rockets have to give their 2 rings from 1994 and 1995 to Jordan, and (b) the Bulls would have won the 1999 Finals over the Spurs if Jordan didn't retire. (2) Michael Jordan was suspended for 2 years for gambling (Said 4/25/18 Hour 2, 14:30 in podcast). But MJ still has 9 rings as see above. (3) Any game Michael Jordan played wearing the uniform #45 does not count. LeBron James (1) If LeBron James goes to the GSW, every championship he wins will result in a deduction of 2 previously won championships. (2) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were the GREATEST teams in the history of sports (5/7/18 Local Hour). (3) The Miami Heat LeBron teams were also the MOST INTERESTING teams in the history of sports. (4) If, after the 2018 NBA Playoffs, (1) LeBron does not make it to the finals and the Celtics do, & (2) The Houston Rockets do not make it to the finals and the Warriors do, & (3) then LeBron goes to the Houston Rockets for the next season, LeBron is allowed to win rings that count in Stu's personal record book. HOWEVER Harden & Chris Paul, if they remain on the Rockets with LeBron on the team, are not allowed to have any of the rings won with LeBron count in Stu's personal record book. To quote the big man Stu (with Dan agreeing of course), "Do it on your own” (Dan agrees here). (5) If LeBron wins an NBA Championship with the 2018 Lakers roster (as of 7/23/18) then that wins counts for 6 rings. Thus LeBron has 9 rings. Kyrie Irving (1) Kyrie Irving hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals History, but was only in that position because of LeBron James. Kyrie Irving, did hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals history that won everyone on that team a Ring, except for you (Kyrie). (3/9/20 Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 07:00). Note: "A little revision to the uhhh Stugotz Personal Record Book that I'll come around to writing...or Mike will." I'M WRITING IT YOU IDIOT MORON JACKAL!!! Misc. Basketball (1) The Houston Rockets have 0 (none) NBA Championship victories. See a previous bullet, because Michael Jordan actually is in possession of those rings since Jordan would have won those championships if he stayed (1994 and 1995 did not count for Houston). BUT WAIT - CONFLICTING HOT TAKES AHEAD Stugotz has also said Jordan didn't get the Rockets' rings because he was actually suspended for gambling. NEEDS CLARIFICATION PLEASE. (2) Steve Kerr has no rings as a coach. In fact, he has never even coached a game. (3) Mychal Thompson (Klay's dad) has no rings. (Said on Zach Harper podcast). (4) Clyde Drexler no rings (Said on Zach Harper podcast). (5) Giannis Antetekoumpo is pronounced Yani Adababoombo. (6) As long as James Harden has his beard, he cannot win any championships. If the Rockets win a ring, then the ring goes to the beard. (7) Lamarcus Aldridge cost the Spurs game 2 of the 2017 Western Conference Semifinals, even though they won. (8) If the Sixers happen to win a championship, Sam Hinkie gets a ring. (9) Chris Paul has NOT made Western Conference Final since he had to join the Rockets to do so. (10) Michael Jordan winning the NBA Finals in 1999 also means that Tim Duncan only has four rings instead of 5 rings. (11) The Warriors only have 1 ring (Durant still has none/negative) (12) Boogie Cousins cannot win a NBA Championship and have it count if he does so with the Warriors. (13) Billy Donovan was the NBA Coach of the Year in 2017 (12/13/17 @ 28:10 Hour 1). The Thunder Blowing the 3-1 lead to the Warriors that year had nothing to do with Donovan. It was Durant's fault. (14) The OKC Thunder actually did win the WCF against the Warriors in 2017 when up 3-1. This does not apply to Durant though. The Thunder also beat whoever they would have played in the Finals. Durant still no ring.
Baseball
Babe Ruth (1) Babe Ruth is black. (2) Babe Ruth never hit a baseball. Not once. (3) Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin. (4) Babe Ruth is NOT a top 20 Baseball player of all time. He's a pitcher. However This is somewhat confusing/interesting Because: Stugotz has said "Babe Ruth is the number two black baseball player of all time behind Barry Larkin." This MUST mean Stugotz can only have 1 black player in his top 20 Baseball players of all time Barry Larkin. The only way it can work logically is if in the list of greatest players #1 through #20, only Barry Larkin is on the latter 1 through 20 list. I would like some clarification on if he wishes to change this take/record. (5) Babe Ruth is also not a top 20 pitcher of all time. Misc. Baseball (1) (Stated on 05/03/2018 @ 12:38:52 P.M) Stugotz has declared that in his personal record book, Baseball no longer allows pitchers to hit (Excluding Bartolo Colon, and Shohei Ohtani). You are either a pitcher or a hitter. Not both. (2) If the Dodgers won the 2017 World Series Clayton Kershaw would not have had a ring. (3) Wade Boggs DOES have a ring because he rode around on a horse with beer afterward. (4) Clayton Kershaw did not win an MVP award because the award for pitchers was already given, the CY Young award. (5) Miami beat LSU in the 1996 College Baseball World Series . (6) The 1986 NY Mets did not win the World Series against the Boston Redsocks (this pains Stugotz). (7) The Red Sox may have won the 1986 World Series, taking a ring away from the Mets. Stugotz has to think about it though, he's not sure yet. (8) Bryce Harper did not win the 2018 home run derby because he cheated. (9) Kershaw's Earned Ring Average (ERA) is 0.00 (10) Mike Minor (Rangers Pitcher) does not have 200 strikeouts in 2019. He's at 199 (National Hour 2, 10 mins 40 seconds in). Chris agrees too. And who really cares (15% on poll do care).
Hockey
(1) Ray Bourque doesn't have a ring. (2) Alex Ovechkin may or may not have won the Stanley Cup against the Vegas Golden Knights. "I mean he beat an expansion team . . . bunch of players nobody wanted" (We get the sense that Dan agrees).
Tennis
(1) If anyone wins a major in Female Tennis without Serena Williams playing, it does not count and they have 0 rings. (2) If Maria Sharapova wins a grand slam in which Serena isnt competing it doesnt count.
Golf
(1) If Jason Day wins the 2018 Masters, it counts as an American winning (as far as bets are concerned). (2) Vijay Singh did not play in the 2018 Masters.
Soccer
(1)Lionel Messi is stripped of all his achievements for using HGH. He never played soccer. He is still 5'1". "Fraud."
Miscellaneous
(1) Aqua? (2) Rings plus-minus is the only way to measure greatness. (3) The HBO Andre the Giant film was good, not great and Stugotz didn’t learn anything. (4) Benoit Lecomte (guy they interviewed) can not and will not swim from San Francisco to Tokyo in the personal record book because he is most likely taking a dip for a few minutes then coming back on the boat and enjoying some filet mignon by the pool. "Do it without a yacht. And how about ya do it without the little magnetic field around you that keeps sharks away. How bout that. Allows dolphins through though? Anyway.." (5) Justify (the horse) only has a double crown. This is the first ever double crown. (6) Tango and Cash is in the action movie hall of fame and Cliffhanger is the greatest 5 minute intro of any movie of all time. (7) Maximum Security (a horse) won the 2019 Kentucky Derby. (8) Fruit Stripes Gum is NOT a 1st Ballot Hall of Famer in Stu's 'Gum Hall of Fame' because "it loses it's flavor so quickly" (08/12/2019 | Hour 2 @ 15:25). Also, "[...] Bazooka...1st Ballot Hall of Famer." Also, "Big League Chew..1st Ballot." (9) Chris Cote owns all intellectual property rights to the "Friends" (TV Show) Movie with a misleading preview that eventually has a climax leading to an intense murder mystery. (10/29/19 Hour #2 @ 03:15). If they make this without crediting Cote, they're stealing it. (10) That guy killed the pigeon (12/10 Hour 3 @ 08:20). (11) Billy owns the record for world's longest Plank (2/25, Hour #3; Google Podcast @ 30:55) (Possibly in just the Non-Marine edition). (12) Zach Buchanan won a Pulitzer Prize for his story on the Madison Bumgarner / Mason Saunders rodeo story (2/28/20 Hour #2; Google Podcasts @ 21:35).
The 2021 Kentucky Derby is the 147th renewal of The Greatest Two Minutes in Sports. Live odds, betting, horse bios, travel info, tickets, news, and updates from Churchill Downs Race Track. The Kentucky Derby, which was contested on September 5, was won by Authentic, who makes the trek to Baltimore for the last leg of this year’s Triple Crown after skipping The post 2020 Preakness Stakes Day appeared first on Daily Racing News Horse Racing News . Wagering from all sources on the 2019 Kentucky Derby race increased 10% to $165.5 million from the previous record of $149.9 million set in 2018. The 146th Kentucky Derby was originally scheduled for Saturday, May 2, 2020 but has since been moved to Sept. 5, 2020 due to coronavirus concerns. How to bet on the Kentucky Derby The $1 superfecta paid out more than $400,000 at the 2005 Kentucky Derby. But consider this a lottery ticket. Daily Double: You have to pick the winning horse in two consecutive races. Everyone has a different incentives that attract them. Every betting website will offer different bonuses and rewards. Make sure you bet on the Kentucky Derby. That's because betting on the Kentucky Derby is a great way to get a good return on investment. Here, are the best online horse racing betting sites, based on research:
Tepin Retirement, plus Classic Empire and State of Honor Kentucky Derby bound
Bret Calhoun's By My Standards breaks from the pack and holds off Spinoff to win the 2019 Louisiana Derby at Fair Grounds, giving the colt a spot in the Kent... *** If you want to crush the Kentucky Derby, you n... Skip navigation Sign in. Search. ... 3 Tips for Betting the Kentucky Derby - Duration: 4:11. HorseRacingNation 18,801 views. 4:11. ... While the Kentucky Derby betting favorite doesn’t always win the race, the horse does get a lot of attention from the media and the public. Kentucky Derby Betting Factors to consider Kentucky Derby Fun Facts and Betting Trends: The Kentucky Derby is horse race for three-year-old Thoroughbreds at a distance of 1 1⁄4 miles and has been run at Churchill Downs racetrack since 1875. ON POINT Kentucky Derby Discussion: Sham Stakes Preview & New Year recap by twinspires. 6:26. ON POINT: Scott Shapiro's Daily Saratoga Pick for Aug 9, 2018 ... ON POINT: Keeneland betting angles ...
