Lots of people these days have second or third jobs. The days of a K-12 education getting you the mortgage, the car and the white picket fence are long gone. I used to get frustrated at the fact that I “did everything right”, studied hard, went to a good college, got a decent qualification, and I still struggled. But after a few months of averaging four hours sleep a night and getting stock levels between your daytime employment at the cafe and your job night-managing a big box store mixed up eventually you just resign yourself to it in a numb way. But when these two grim service industry hustles still didn’t make ends meet I used to turn to the surveys.
They are lots of websites that pay you a little cash (or vouchers or coupons or rewards points) to spill little details about yourself. Age, gender, occupation, education, favourite colour, preferred holiday destination and so on. In the era of “big data”, social media espionage and surveillance capitalism it’s really no different than submitting yourself as a guinea pig for medical trials, only instead of expending a liver or appendix for quick cash you’re selling little parts of your personality to keep the lights on.
So when I spotted the “Happy Valley Dream Survey” I was intrigued.
None of these surveys had ever asked me about my dreams before. Oh aspirations definitely. Where do you think you’ll be in five years, what’s your ideal occupation, what was your dream job as a kid. Little pieces of personal minutiae dedicated to building up an advertising profile in some corner office somewhere so they could figure out what kind of toaster all the baristas that used to dream of being vets would collectively prefer. But none had ever inquired about those mad nighttime hallucinations all of us humans merely take as a matter of course. Wake up sweating at 3am after facing down a High School English test in your boxer shorts? All a lovely part of the human condition.
So I clicked in and answered. It was relatively simple, only asking you to describe the strangest dreams you’d had in the last month and rate the frequency at which you remembered your dreams as well as the relative strangeness of your reported dreams in comparison to more ‘regular dreams’. As a teenager I had been briefly obsessed with the idea of lucid dreaming, the ability to remain conscious in and take control of your dreams, and although it had never fully come to fruition it had kept me in the habit of keeping a dream journal which meant, in comparison to most of my population, I tended to remember much more of my dreams. I threw in some bullet points on some my strangest recent night-time reveries (one of which involving a spirited debate with Mr T and Queen Elizabeth about the relative benefits of Robespierre’s Reign of Terror) pinged off the information and used to newfound spare change to grab myself a little breakfast pastry on the way to my coffee shop job.
I tend not to answer unknown numbers, having that perennial fear it’s a scammer or a debt collector of some kind, so I have no idea what compelled me to answer that one. On a rare night off I was peaceful dozing, tongue lolling out and drooling, the whole nine years, when I was awoken by the cacophony of my factory settings ring tone. When I answered the phone I thought curiously that I couldn’t remember what I had just been dreaming about.
“Hello...am I speaking to DBTraven right now?”
“Uh...yeah”
“Oh how very wonderful. I’m calling from the Happy Valley Subconscious Services Centre. We were very interested to see the results of your survey and feel you may be an excellent candidate for much more lucrative opportunities. Could you come down to our Services Centre on [My City Street] immediately?”
My foggy brain took a moment to process the request. It was 3am...who in their right mind is operating some kind of survey centre at 3 o clock in the morning. My immediate thought was I had accidentally joined some kind of cult and would end up roped into a kind of group marriage scenario was I to head down there.
“If we see you in the next half hour we’re pay you one thousand dollars no questions asked. All we ask is you come and talk to us”.
At that point I was certain of two things. One, I had in fact volunteered myself to be part of some kind of bizarre end-times cult where I would have to drink poison to ascend into a UFO. Two, that 1000 dollars upfront would go a long way to digging me out of the rent hole I was in and maybe might even give me enough breathing space to afford an apartment where I couldn’t fry bacon on the stove from where I lay in the bed. I got dressed in a flash and head downtown…
...to find myself standing outside a Nail Salon. “
Cutie-cles” the sign blared in hot pink, with an attractive woman winking slyly and brandishing her long, ornate nails. The lights were off inside and you could almost see the space where bustle and gossip were meant to occupy, between the gaudy vanity mirrors and cream recliner chairs. There was something eerie about it but, more importantly, an empty nail salon seemed unlikely to be the source of my dreamed-of cash injection. Just as dejection was beginning to seep in I received a text.
“Side Entrance. Say your name, followed by the word “Awake”.”
Things got more ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ by the minute but, mind filled with far off dreams of an apartment where the “bed-room” was in fact a separate room, I floated on down the alley beside the nail salon. I came to what looked like an emergency exit and rapped on the door a couple of times, producing a few hollow thuds. After I heard nothing for a few seconds I called my name into the darkness and, after a moment of hesitation, said the word “awake”.
The door swung open to reveal a halogen-humming hallway. A man in a security officer’s uniform regarded me, while his fellow behind him patted down a girl about my age who seemed dazed and drowsy. He instructed me curtly to follow him and we walked down the hallway as the girl behind me had something taped to the inside of her coat and was ushered out the door. My heart rose into my throat as we walked, passing peeling paint and bare walls. This looked neither like an innovative survey start up nor some kind of death cult, but instead the sort of place where organised criminals might bet on bare knuckle boxing matches. I was shocked when we emerged into an airy foyer and I was greeted by a smiling, professional looking receptionist in a neatly pressed pantsuit.
“Mr Traven! We are just so very delighted to meet you”.
She looked away from me and started
tick-tacking on the computer in front of her before I could respond and she then swiveled around to face me and informed me the 1000 dollars had now been deposited in my account. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth and still a bit stunned by the whole situation I elected not to question the fact that the survey sites had always said your banking details were held securely and were inaccessible by any of the private organisations you were surveying for. Before I could say one word I was being whisked into a little glass cubicle behind reception marked “Dream Lab 1” to be greeted by a woman, a few years younger than myself, in a lab coat draped over a hideous lime green sweater.
“Have you ever wanted to do good in the world, without lifting a finger, and also benefit yourself financially at the same time?”
No ‘hello’. No ‘how are you’. Not even a quick review of my medical history or further strange surveys. I could feel my hair begin to prickle with suspicion. It was the kind of conversation opener you expected to be quickly followed by a reassurance that “no, this is in fact a kind of ‘inverted funnel’ funding model!”.
But I just nodded. I figured I could squeeze these freaks for a little more before I got the hell out of dodge.
“Have you ever read about those people who used the idle processing power of their gaming consoles to simulate protein folding and assist in fighting disease?”
Recalling some fragment of a headline I had read somewhere I told her that I had. She smiled and continued with her earnest-sounding sales pitch.
“Well we do something like that here. While you sleep we borrow some the subconscious processing power you ordinarily use for dreaming and lend it out to private clients working on everything from medical solutions to prime number generation. If you’ve ever dreamed of...um
desired to get paid handsomely to sleep then this is an incredible opportunity to be on the cutting edge of science and fill up your pocket at the same time”.
It didn’t immediately scream “orgies, sister-wives and armed stand offs with the government” but I couldn’t help but feel that there was more to the whole process. I inquired about how exactly the whole process worked and the woman, who I would later come to know as Dr Tanner, pulled a thin metallic shard from her pocket and offered to show me how. Feeling the weight of my landlord’s unread text message in my pocket I went for it.
I awoke and equations were swimming in the halogen. Mathematical symbols floated along in the light like those alphabet spagetthios, Greek symbols in a synchronised swim with incomprehensibly large numbers for someone used only to price tags and sales taxes as his primary act of numeracy in the day to day. As they vanished I rose from the firm mattress and met the face of a smiling doctor Tanner.
“You may have just helped to advance the field of theoretical mathematics by a year or more. Not a bad way to make 3 grand huh?”
My head was hazy and, grabbing beneath the fog, I felt the warm intensity of my original suspicion. My phone didn’t seem to work in the confines of the ‘services centre’ so I asked Dr Tanner if there was some way I could check my account. She gladly volunteered her information and there was 4 grand staring back at me, more money than I had ever seen in one place, never meant my perennially barrel scraping bank account. Taking all precautions to delete my login information from her computer also gave me time to collect myself and pick my jaw up off the floor.
“Would you be interested in continued opportunities with Happy Valley?” she asked.
As I walked toward the exit one of the security guards begin to rustle in his desk for something to give me but the other held a hand up at him.
“Awake” he cautioned his colleague and the two let me out into the night air without incident.
The next day I went looking for a luxury beyond my wildest imagination: an apartment with windows.
If you’ve ever turned around to a domineering boss, told them “I quit” alongside some choice profanity and home truths, you’ll understand the sense of pleasure that coursed through my veins on the day I strolled out of the coffeshop for the last time. I had already moved to part time in my retail gig, full of the inimitable pleasure of half-assing things when you come in on your weekend shift and knowing your incompetence will be erased by whatever calamities occur in the days you’re off. I felt totally and completely free and the only inconvenience I had to show for it were the sometimes odd residues of those tasks that occupied my sleep: the chemical formulae I spotted sometimes in the early morning light or inheritance task calculations drizzling down my shower curtains as I open my eyes after washing my hair. A small price to pay, I thought, as I strode to the door of my 1st floor one bedroom apartment. I greeted the doorman-
my doorman!- as I stepped inside and for a moment I thought he looked just a tad familiar.
I convinced myself it was another piece of ‘dreamy debris’ when I heard him mutter the word “awake” as I crossed the threshold.
For the past several months I had been “working from home” so the speak. Dr Tanner had informed me that the first few sessions usually required pretty strict observation of the ‘sleeper agent’ as she liked to jokingly call me, but eventually Happy Valley were content to send me home with the NeuroChip and inform me by email of clients and payment information every couple of nights. At that point I simply couldn’t believe my luck and my friends marveled at my tasteful, airy apartment and the carefree manner in which I ordered rounds of drinks at the bar with wild abandon. It also didn’t hurt my love life, is all I’ll say.
Happy Valley kept me under a strict non-disclosure agreement, which Dr Tanner said related to the ‘experimental prototype nature’ of the subconscious interface technology I was using. When people asked I told them I had picked up a job with a research-related start up which technically wasn’t all that far from the truth. They didn’t also need to know that when they saw me stare blankly into the head of my beer sometimes it was because I was seeing visions of molecules breaking apart and recombining in new and indecipherable ways.
When Dr Tanner told me I would have to come back to the services centre for my next appointment at the unsocial hour of 1am I must admit I bristled slightly. I had grown used to my comfortable, dream-computing playboy lifestyle and any imposition on it seemed like an intolerable demand. I had come along way from glumly agreeing to stay behind and clean out grease traps.
“This assignment is of a serious and sensitive nature. We feel you are the most capable agent we have at the moment and we would very much like you to take it on”.
The flattery was pleasant but I needed a little bit more convincing.
“And of course it will be incredibly lucrative. Have you ever wanted to used hundred dollar bills to mop up your two century vintage wine you spilled on your marble floor. It’s that kind of lucrative”.
The doorman’s eyes burned into my back as I hurried out the door.
“It’s government related...that’s as much as I can tell you”.
Dr Tanner perched on her chair in the corner next to the observation bed and chewed the corner of her lip, in thought. Were those nerves I detected in the ordinarily unflappable Doctor? That I didn’t like and it set my nerves jangling.
“I’m going to be flying drones or something in my sleep aren’t I?” I asked, partly as a joke and partly as an expression of the uneasy suspicion that was welling up inside me. Tanner laughed it off and soberly reassured me that no “military or foreign policy objectives would be satisfied” by my assignment. She followed up with this reassurance with implication of the fortune this assignment would bring me. I believe the phrase “set for life” may have been thrown in there once or twice. She sure knew how to speak to a cash-strapped millenial. Perhaps, I suspected, because she may have been one herself. I lay down on the bed with my mind swimming with visions of financial security and all the avocado toast one could eat….
….and awoke, staring at my hands, covered in blood. The light was low and at first I thought the stains were mud. Had I fallen somewhere? Where had I been?
I looked out to find myself in a spectacular penthouse apartment. Floor to ceiling windows, kitchen island, state of the art home cinema. Had I merely skipped directly to the “unfathomably wealthy” part of all this. My heart beat, deep and rich. I was still caught in the relaxed rhythm of a dream. Until I saw the body.
I had thought it was just a pile of clothes on the bed. As my eyes grew used to the dim light, the only source being that of the early morning skyline spilling in, I could make out hair and ears and wounds. My heart began to pound and my legs almost gave way. An older man in a silk dressing gown, splayed on the bleed as his blood seeped into the mattress. What took over then was instinct and all that remained in my conscious mind was a string of blaring profanities as I washed my hands and splashed my clothes in a panic.
I was already speed-walking my way down the hallway (“
don’t run don’t run don’t run running is suspicious”) when I heard Dr Tanner’s voice.
“He’s awake! This can’t be possible”.
I turned in fright but no sign. It was then my thoughts turned to the NueroChip. I tugged at where it sat like a parasitic insect behind my ear but its pincers refused to give. Was it being controlled remotely? It was then my palms began to sweat and I felt that pit of my stomach fear. I looked to one of the maintenance closets in the hallway I was walking down. You know that feeling in a dream, where you know something terrible is coming but you haven’t quite seen it yet? I knew whatever was on the other side of that door was coming and it meant to do me harm but I was rooted to the spot.
The Dr Tanner phased through the door, towering over me quite larger than her ordinarily more diminutive frame.
“This was not supposed to happen. Everything has gone wrong. One of those minimum wage morons in security didn’t do his job properly. But….”
A pall of resignation came over her face, as though she was acknowledging the death of friend
“High risk, high reward. I’m afraid you’re going to have to take the rap for this one. Oh and don’t bother mentioning Happy Valley. By the time the sun comes up we’ll be nothing but an empty commercial space once tied to a shell company”
With that she disintegrated and I took off, heart hammering, into the night air.
I’ve been hiding out in a disused stock room of my old coffee shop for days now. I remember how I used to fantasise, after surreptitiously getting the key for this place copied, about how I was going to plant some heinous, smelly object in here to get back at my boss someday. Instead I’ve hidden myself. The NeuroChip won’t come off and I haven’t slept since that night. Nightmares are now beamed into my skull remotely and every time I fall asleep I spend an impossible length of time in terror and agony. I see visions of detectives stooping down, brushing fancy sushi knives in that apartment for fingertips. I see that old man’s twisting maw chasing me through endless nonsensical hotel hallways.
So I do not sleep any more and my body aches for rest. But I am beginning to dream while awake and the shapes and shadows in my vision are my own.
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If you believe you might have use for my skills in your secretive organisation, please check out my resume
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submitted by I am about to post the 3000 most common words in the English lexicon. Wish me luck...
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anybody anymore anyone anything anyway anywhere apart apartment apparent apparently appeal appear appearance apple application apply appoint appointment appreciate approach appropriate approval approve approximately Arab architect area argue argument arise arm armed army around arrange arrangement arrest arrival arrive art article artist artistic as Asian aside ask asleep aspect assault assert assess assessment asset assign assignment assist assistance assistant associate association assume assumption assure at athlete athletic atmosphere attach attack attempt attend attention attitude attorney attract attractive attribute audience author authority auto available average avoid award aware awareness away awful baby back background bad badly bag bake balance ball ban band bank bar barely barrel barrier base baseball basic basically basis basket basketball bathroom battery battle be beach bean bear beat beautiful beauty because become bed bedroom beer before begin beginning behavior 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composition comprehensive computer concentrate concentration concept concern concerned concert conclude conclusion concrete condition conduct conference confidence confident confirm conflict confront confusion Congress congressional connect connection consciousness consensus consequence conservative consider considerable consideration consist consistent constant constantly constitute constitutional construct construction consultant consume consumer consumption contact contain container contemporary content contest context continue continued contract contrast contribute contribution control controversial controversy convention conventional conversation convert conviction convince cook cookie cooking cool cooperation cop cope copy core corn corner corporate corporation correct correspondent cost cotton couch could council counselor count counter country county couple courage course court cousin cover coverage cow crack craft crash crazy cream create creation creative creature credit crew crime criminal crisis criteria critic critical criticism criticize crop cross crowd crucial cry cultural culture cup curious current currently curriculum custom customer cut cycle dad daily damage dance danger dangerous dare dark darkness data date daughter day dead deal dealer dear death debate debt decade decide decision deck declare decline decrease deep deeply deer defeat defend defendant defense defensive deficit define definitely definition degree delay deliver delivery demand democracy Democrat democratic demonstrate demonstration deny department depend dependent depending depict depression depth deputy derive describe description desert deserve design designer desire desk desperate despite destroy destruction detail detailed detect determine develop developing development device devote dialogue die diet differ difference different differently difficult difficulty dig digital dimension dining dinner direct direction directly director dirt dirty disability disagree disappear disaster discipline discourse discover discovery discrimination discuss discussion disease dish dismiss disorder display dispute distance distant distinct distinction distinguish distribute distribution district diverse diversity divide division divorce DNA do doctor document dog domestic dominant dominate door double doubt down downtown dozen draft drag drama dramatic dramatically draw drawing dream dress drink drive driver drop drug dry due during dust duty each eager ear early earn earnings earth ease easily east eastern easy eat economic economics economist economy edge edition editor educate education educational educator effect effective effectively efficiency efficient effort egg eight either elderly elect election electric electricity electronic element elementary eliminate elite else elsewhere e-mail embrace emerge emergency emission emotion emotional emphasis emphasize employ employee employer employment empty enable encounter encourage end enemy energy enforcement engage 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