Elephants
Winning at fantasy means making predictions and acting on them prior to other players. To do that, you don't always have the privileges of hindsight and deduction. You will need foresight and inference. I hope to offer a some good if not somewhat inferential arguments for why some early moves on this weekly (if I have time) post.
Fantasy thinking is often over-obsessed with statistical correlations at the expense of firm causal understanding of what is happening on the field. The forest is often lost for the trees. A combination of understanding the game of football, recognizing interconnected changes that will influence teams, and eye testing the games themselves is the best antidote to the groupthink, herd-mentality of fantasy football expertism which, time and again, proves spotty at best in anticipating changes.
Last week
I posted this as "Eye-tested Takes" but I realized that's not what I was aiming for. A variety of posters and services watch the whole game and give you maximally thorough takes on every snap. I won't offer much of an opinion on players/teams I don't watch. I'll always watch enough. However, a lot of what I'll make as the case for picking up (or dropping) a player will be based on obvious things that are happening that rankings-myosis may miss.
There's always an elephant in the room that no one want's to acknowledge. This post gives fantasy advice that accounts for the elephants on the field.
Things I'm right about (so far):
1. Rivers Noodle Arm = Colts Lean into Jonathon Taylor: With the quality of that offensive line, Mack going down, and Rivers looking like shit, Jonathon Taylor may end-up being a top-5 back this year. TY Hilton and Parris Campbell are going to disappoint you.
A bunch of commenters disagreed, insisting Hines was the guy to get and Taylor as a top-5 was nuts. This is an instance of the eye-test making people too smart. Yes, Taylor netted 22 yards on 9 carries week 1. Who cares, he was great in college (larger sample size) and more importantly, Rivers looks SOOO spent that Taylor is the only obvious bell-cow RB for what is probably the best O-line in the league. You want that. Rivers threw it 25 times in week two (down from 44). Taylor had 26 carries, 2 receptions, 110 yards, and 1 touchdown. It was obvious what had to happen in Indy but fantasy groupthink herded everyone toward Hines.
If you had the audacity to ignore me on this (/s), the good news is there's still time. His trade value has skyrocketed on most charts but he's not quite valued as a top back yet. If you get the feel someone is under-valuing him, don't wait longer because his first 2 TD game is going to make him inaccessible in a trade. The Colts defense is also looking good enough to maintain a lead throughout a game, opening-up more run play calls. (Rivers sucking is going to do that all the time anyway).
And if you still don't believe me, watch
his highlights from this week and you'll see why he could be such a focal point. He does a lot of things that coaches like to lean-into: great ball security, adds 2-3 yards to the end of runs, explosive speed when he has big holes.
2.Browns Offense is fine: Don't panic about the Browns offense. Baker Mayfield looked like trash but the running offense actually looked pretty good at times...Stefanski is the guy you need to believe in... The biggest takeway from the game isn't the Browns offense is bad, its that the Ravens defense is great.
Both Browns running back scored multiple TD's and registered more than 150 yards each week 2. Baker continued to suck and it didn't matter. Stefanski's offense is good and his coaching career is a testament to his talent. All-Ivy-League Football Player. First coaching job was in the NFL. They wouldn't let him leave for 14 years because they knew he was a talent.
So don't run from Chubb or Hunt yet. And if you have them both, start them both and don't feel bad (unless you have a clearly better option like Zeke too...then probably favor starting Kareem Hunt the larger your ppr value, but its a tough call). The Browns are a perfect storm that make both startable: (a) Both Chubb and Hunt have top-5 rb talent and it comes across when you watch them on the field. With good combinations of strength and speed, each one is TD risk on every snap. (b) Sefanski divides snaps very well. Both are getting touches-a-plenty. They just signed they're "back-up" RB to a new contract (I mean, how often does that happen in the modern NFL?). KS also divides snaps by drive, unless a drive gets very long, so even if Chubb is doing well, he's going to give Kareem Hunt a whole drive. (c) starting both is fading Baker which is smart. The Browns are going to increasingly realize that their offense is more effective with Baker doing less. They may even move to Case Keenum (their back-up, legit didn't know that last week) and that's fine for Chubb/Hunt.
I wouldn't run from OBJ or Jarvis Landry yet either, though Baker's ineptitude has got to make you worry. Think about what Minnesota offenses did over the years with Diggs, Theilen, etc. Both OBJ and Landry are going to be solid bets for big-play TD's (like OBJ's last Thursday) here and there but likely not breaking the top-10. Still, the talent ceiling is high with both so a buy-low scenario where you get them in a trade could pay-off if you bet on Stefanski more than Mayfield.
3. Deandre Hopkins is the WR1 Deandre Hopkins will be the #1 fantasy receiver this year... And most importantly, the offensive situation in Arizona is the perfect storm for his fantasy situation. Kyler Murray is good, but he's not working his way through progressions yet.
Hopkins nabbed a TD but only had 9 targets this week. I'll admit that I only watched Kyler Murray's highlights so forgive me if its there and I didn't see it, buuuuut...He's not completing passes to 2nd and 3rd reads. Its one read then run. That's great for Hopkins' stats because the further into the season they get, the MORE Hopkins is going to be involved on plays designed to chuck it to him, no matter what. Hopkins is one of those guys that's always open, and Kyler is a smart player who knows that AND knows he's not good enough yet to start looking for someone else if Hopkins is "covered". That may hurt the Cardinals at some point. But Hopkins is getting fed this season.
And obviously, a rash of injuries at WR has made this look to be a better prediction. Hopkins is already a stud in that offense and he's still learning it. His stock is only going up from here.
Its true the WR's new offenses typically do poorly. A couple of reasons why that's not true of Hopkins: (a) he's physically the most gifted receiver in the league. Randy Moss kicked ass his first year with the Patriots. Some players are talented enough that it doesn't take time, as long as they're smart as hell like Randy Moss or (b) Hopkins is an intelligent dude. He negotiated his own contract and didn't fuck it up. He wants to be G.M. Big brained guy, he'll pick up quickly. You can see that on the field, he's constantly looking back at Kyler to make sure he did the right thing on each play. (c) HOF'er in the WR room: Fitz will get him up to speed fast.
Quick note about Kyler Murray: He's tearing it up. One encouraging thing that you might not see how little he's allowing himself to be tackled. As a fantasy owner, that's encouraging because it suggests he can sustain a high running floor and not get injured. And there's an added assurance that he's putting those slides for zero yards (for example) on tape because the coaches see that too and are
more willing to call more of those plays down the stretch. Still, I wouldn't compare him to Lamar Jackson last season yet. Lamar Jackson was throwing TD's to his 4th and 5th read in week 1 against the Dolphins last season. Murray may hit a scheme ceiling where defenses, especially good ones, start to take away his 1 and 2 and contain his run game (though it is strong and he has good vision).
Things I was totally wrong about: zero things!
HA! Next section!
Things I'm not right about yet but pretty soon I will be:
1. Joe Burrow AJ Green is going to be good. If you watch the game, you see Joe Burrow fitting the ball into tight windows in clutch situations. In fact, he wasn't finding a lot of open receivers, he was throwing the ball well/correctly into great coverage and making lemonade. Also, AJ Green is looking fully healthy and like his old self.
Well, AJ Green was targeted 13 times and caught...3 of those passes for 29 yards. So clearly, the chemistry between them was oversold by me last week. Still, 13 targets is encouraging and so is the Bengals inability to run the ball. No matter how much they try, they're wretched run-blocking always leaves them down late in games and in 3rd-and-forever situations. They just let a rookie throw it 61 times.
Another consideration is that Denzel Ward was covering Green
all night:
A.J. Green has had an up-and-down career vs. the Browns. Thursday’s game was on the down side, and it had mostly to do with Denzel Ward.
Green had three catches for 29 yards. Overall, Ward broke up three passes against the Bengals. And according to Next Gen Stats, Ward was making life difficult for Joe Burrow all night, forcing eight tight window passes in 11 targets as the nearest defender.
Green is still pretty low on trade value charts but stands to have a huge upside as Burrow's primary target.
2. Rodgers is back. ...are there really any physical traits that are important to his game that would fade significantly at 36 year's old? I didn't see any missing zip off of his throws. I did see fucking darts getting tossed all over the field into tiny windows.
Aaron Jones is the #1 fantasy RB right now so obviously saying Rodgers is fully
back is pre-mature. However, he is impressing with some very, very pretty darts.
Also, the elephant on the field for the Packers is that Aaron Rodgers is a player driven by ego. Not a knock on him, he's just a guy who needs mojo to play at his finest. Maybe it required the stimulation of an insulting draft pick to prod him back into his HOF form. I'm not saying Rodgers can be a top 3 QB this year with Jackson and Murray running so well, but 4 or 5 doesn't seem out of reach.
Rodgers is pff
top-graded QB right now btw.
Fresh takes:
1.The Ravens are the best defense in the NFL. The loss of Earl Thomas is doesn't matter as much as what has been gained with Patrick Queen and L.J. Fort. Queen is incredibly fast and explosive underneath, getting into the backfield and making big plays. And L.J. Fort (
top rated pff lb right now) combine to give them rangey-coverage, tackling, and pass break-up ability over the middle they didn't have before which has further weaponized they're depth at CB (Humphrey, Peters, Smith). Peters specifically is a ball hawk that's found a great home in Baltimore; he couldn't scheme well anywhere else but Harbaugh has found a way to give him the freedom to ball hawk. Over the long haul, Harbaugh has maintained a great defense, regardless of departures/changes, for years and years. When he has this much talent, his defenses are typically dominant.
Be warry of starting iffy players against them at any position.
They're worth trading for, I think the turnovedef TD potential makes them worth it.
2. J.K. Dobbins will break-out out as the preferred option in the Ravens backfield. Mark Ingram and Gus Edwards have both proven to be reliable RB's for the Raven offense. But Ingram is 30 with over 200 carries in 3 of the last 4 seasons. Edwards has been reliable, a home-grown UDFA. But at 238lbs and without elite speed, he's leaving many big runs on the table.
Dobbins didn't attend the combine. But ran a 4.44 40...
in high school:
Dobbins posted a 4.44s 40-yard dash, 4.09s short shuttle and a 43.1-inch vertical jump as a high school senior at the event. There are also many reports that Dobbins squatted over 700 pounds.
He has power running balance and break-out speed that NONE of the other backs in Baltimore have. 4th rounder Justice Hill was their attempt of to develop that speed last year but didn't break out.
A couple of elephants make this one a good bet:
(a) Lamar's durability -- right now, he's taking a bunch of carries because he's the only one in their backfield that has the speed to break huge runs. If Dobbins can fill that role, Lamar Jackson can afford to take fewer chances and John Harbaugh can opt to only drop him back to pass 7 times in the second half when they're winning, like what happened in week 2.
(b) that defense -- Baltimore's defense is going to be great enough this year to take over games, making steady doses of run plays inevitable as they'll spend a lot of games up by 2 scores. Yes, they were up like that a lot last year but their only homerun hitter in the backfield was Lamar (see above, Justice Hill wasn't getting it done).
Here's an example: this is a shot from Gus Edwards' 22 yard scamper last week:
https://preview.redd.it/mhhhpzmkrxo51.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=3cdf46ac4bcce3e503729f909c0e787f85459eb9 The Ravens offensive line is good at opening holes like this. While it didn't prove important in this game (BAL was up 30-16 at the time), each run like this where a more explosive player could scored is an
opportunity cost for the people calling plays. And its not just points left behind, its points scored while Lamar is watching like a fan. Its points that could allow more aggressive defensive play calling. If you're a coach for Baltimore, you don't necessarily
want Lamar to have a gaudy stat-line every week if you're winning. If he can throw 16 passes in a game and then sit-out the 4th quarter, that's ideal from the franchise's perspective (though not so much for Fantasy managers). Each Ingram/Edwards run that coulda been a touchdown means there's more time on the field for Lamar, larger portion of the game where they're not playing a dominant lead, and higher chance that they'll lose because points were left on the field. They need someone else hitting home runs in the running game.
Am I fading Lamar because of all of this? Not yet. Eye test = that guy is a singular talent. His throwing motion is smooth like Vick's, just a gifted, effortless release. He's also great at mostly avoiding contact (though all contact is bad contact if you're his coaches). Great decision maker too. Makes multiple reads on plays. Can't say enough about how great of player he is. Still, Baltimore is well put-together enough that they may be able to functionally win without him. So don't be surprised if, especially approaching the playoffs, Baltimore starts calling plays that don't involve as much Lamar. What's scary is that they may be a complete football team without him and he's the reigning MVP.
Finally, Dobbins had two carries last week. One was for a 44 yard gain where the blocking was good but not nearly as good as the image above. Even if the transition to him isn't fast, he could force the issue like Chubb did his rookie year, gaining 100 yards on 3 carries in a game.
No matter what, the Ravens will run by committee but there will come a point where the player to start out of the trio is Dobbins without a doubt.
3. Minshew is the truth and his team situation makes him a great fantasy player. Minshew isn't the most talented QB in the league. But above all things, he is competitive and scrappy. The Jags are good but not great so he's going need a lot of that scrappy-iness (lol, just say that sentence out loud, you'll hear it). James Robinson is very good and they're going to lean on him a lot. But when the time for much needed yards and points, it seems like the Jags tag Gardner Minshew II's Id in at offensive coordinator. Minshew isn't likely going to be top-5 qb but he might make the top 10 and is likely easier to get than other top targets.
Part of the reason DJ Chark isn't getting the production folks hoped is because Minshew is effectively spreading the ball around. Good for the jags, bad for fantasy owners. I wouldn't panic.
One of his targets I picked-up to stash is Laviska Shenault Jr. He's getting a legit number of carries each week and averaging over 10 yards per reception. He's an interesting pick-up because he doubles as handcuffs for Robinson. Seems like his carry count could go up to 10ish no problem if the Jags lost Robinson. So pay attention to what position he's listed in your league, scoring rules about how carries count in ppr, etc. But he passes the eye test, very shifty and fast on the field.
4. Teams that are quickly turning into dumpster fires that you should across-the-board fade: Jets
Gase is the worst. Never underestimate the ability of a shitty boss to ruin a workspace and make everyone fucking hate themselves, even though they're well compensated to play a game for a living. Listen, I know there's always gems on bad teams. But I have high blood pressure. So tuning into games with players I need to play well and watching the offense go 3-and-out 5 times in a row...I'm literally too old for that shit now so I try to stray-away from dumpster fire teams.
Vikings
Kubiak has got some big Stefanski shoes to fill and he's doing a bad job so far. I wouldn't panic about Dalvin Cook yet but another bad couple of weeks and I'd start shopping him. See the Browns thing above: Stefanski may have made the Vikings offense look better than it actually was for a decade. Combine that with the defense whose secondary would be better if they were scare crows and you're looking at a team that can't plan to run the ball for more than a quarter or 2.
Teams to be worried about: Broncos
Whew, the injuries. They're basically just starting with new team. We'll see how things go.
Detroit
Matt Patricia may have lost this team. And coaches like him don't recover team faith/confidence well in a loss-spiral.
Texans
BoB is going to crash that plane into a mountain while we all watch. Poor Watson, just watching Deandre Hopkins ball-out. One thing you can still bet on for awhile out of the Texans offense; Bill O'Brien is ego- and career-invested in David Johnson doing great things. He'll role with him when he shouldn't to prove to everyone that he was right to trade Nuk. Its dumb. But he's dumb.
Fortune Favors The Bold (FFTB) Predictions
WARNING: What you're about to read is not necessarily good fantasy advice, but things for me to say "told you so" about a week from now. I take no responsibility for any money you lose (and all responsibility for the money you win). Still, Alexander the Great said, Fortune Favors the Bold.
- JK Dobbins scores more fantasy points than CEH this week. (This prediction is backed-up by the time-honored tradition of spitting in one's hand and shaking on it so this shit is serious. Its also painful because I'm a Chiefs fan.)
- Laviska Shenault scores a running and a receiving touchdown tonight.
- Jonathon Taylor is the RB1 this week and its not close.
- Danny Dimes throws 3 TD's this week against the 49ers.
I'm probably wrong about most of this shit but FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD!
Thanks for reading! If I continue to be kind mostly right and people find it a good read, I'll keep posting these each week. Good luck!
EDIT: Thanks for the awards and upvotes strangers! I'll bring the column back next week. Appreciate the comments too, thanks for the banter, shit-talk, and criticism. I'll be spittin in palms again soon.
EDIT AGAIN: Thanks again for the feedback. This is fun and I'm going to enjoy doing it again next week. Some of the comments have suggested that the post doesn't really go out on many limbs. I'll do that more in the future. I've also added an extra section with a few "FFTB predictions" for this week.
Hawk is like a box of of Meals Ready to Eat (MRE); you never know what you are going to get, but you are pretty confident it will make you shit your pants. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself." Kudos to Mrs. Roosevelt for that well articulated adage. She clearly never met Hawk though, because that fucker said, "Hold my beer!"
We are about to embark on another journey with Hawk. The typical paths for mankind are either the straight and narrow or wide and crooked. This does not apply to Hawk though; Hawk is a trailblazer. Hawk came to that proverbial fork in the road, and instead of taking the clearly marked routes, Hawk decided to break brush, butt naked, through thorny vines and poison ivy. Some of you have arrived here and are likely wondering, "What the fuck is OP talking about?" I could tell you to go back and read the Hawk prequels, but I don't think you will. Therefore, I might as well briefly explain Hawk.
Imaging three Service Members are conducting a mounted patrol through Death Valley. They are hours into their trip through Satan's grundle-region, but the vehicle breaks down. They have to abandoned the vehicle and continue on foot. They are exhausted and understand the desert sun is going to rape their souls. They each decided to take one item to assist with surviving the blistering heat. The breakdown is below.
- Marine: Water
- Sailor: Food
- Hawk: Car Door
The three men travel for hours before deciding to take a much needed break; it's Death Valley people! The break was the first opportunity they had to discuss the item each person brought, and elaborate on why they chose said item.
- Marine: I brought water in the event we get thirsty.
- Sailor: I brought food in the event we needed energy.
- Hawk: I brought the car door. We can roll down the windows when it gets hot outside.
Hey OP, did this really happen? No. I repurposed a Polish joke. I don't mean to be rude, but my intent was not to make you laugh. I am merely doing my best to explain how unbelievably oblivious Hawk is to commonsense or a rational thought process. It may have been a joke, but shit like this is perfectly feasible for Hawk. Still not convinced? I will assume the majority of us have played at least one video game in our life in which were able to create a character. The game is irrelevant. Imagine you have a total of 100 points to allocate between Attack, Speed, Confidence, Power, and Stupidity. Now imagine allocating all 100 points to Stupidity. Trust me when I say the character you created is at least 100 points smarter than Hawk on an Intelligence Quotient (IQ) test. Still don't believe me? Read the other stories. If you don't believe me after that, I simply want to say I am sorry. I am sorry you now know I am posting about you on Reddit Hawk.
The setting is Iraq. I was a leader at war with the terrorist that inhabited Iraq, and the nearly constant stupidity Hawk continually displayed. Hawk has just informed me that he had lost his Identification card (ID). Nobody that has lost and ID enjoys it, but please understand that the process is different between civilians and Soldiers. I have never lost one, so I am not entirely certain, but I know they are different. I had to counsel (wrist-slap/discussion) Hawk regarding his lost ID. I needed the Company Commander to counsel Hawk, and sign documentation in order for Hawk to receive a new ID card. We can't simply go to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) and replace it. The military process requires a couple wrist-slaps and a fuck-ton of paperwork.
The fact that we were deployed made this process more difficult. We did not have the ability to reissue ID cards within our Battalion. We had to venture to a larger Forward Operating Base (FOB) that had an ID card facility. The process was not complicated, but it was certainly a pain in the ass. Our particular Operations Tempo (OPTEMP) did not allow me to send an underpaid babysitter; Hawk was going solo. This would not be a problem with any other Soldier, but this is Hawk. I would feel more comfortable sending my preteen to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch for a sleepover than I do sending Hawk anywhere without adult supervision. I was forced to allow Hawk to spread his wings, and pray he didn't fly into a fucking window.
OP: Hawk. You are manifested to leave with Battalion Headquarters (HQ) tomorrow. You will be departing at 1000 hours, but need to report to Battalion HQ tomorrow at 0930. Any questions?
Hawk: No.
It was fucking cut-and-dry. There was no room for subjective mental retardation on behalf of Hawk. I was not requesting a dissertation in thermonuclear astrophysics. I just needed Hawk to exit the rear of the barracks, walk 50 feet, and stand there before 0930. Still, that doesn't mean Hawk wont fuck it up. Hawk was a football-bat in a soccer game. Hawk fucked it up. Hawk mentally computed, "Go to the chow hall at 0900 and eat. Then go to port-a-john at make an underwater sculpture, and then report to the wrong side of the battalion headquarters building around 1000. Cool. Hawk did not maliciously miss the trip, but his potato-brain outwitted himself. I had a Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO) escort Hawk back over to Battalion an manifest him for a for the dinner trip.
This time I had a Team Leader ensure Hawk was properly nestled inside a departing vehicle. All Hawk needed to do was report to the ID card facility and get a new ID card. Too easy. Right? Hawk made it though. I called the ID card facility to ensure Hawk received a new ID card. He did! I was happy, but my confidence in Hawk was short lived. Any confidence in Hawk has an incredibly short shelf-life. The 30-minute trip between Hawk getting a new ID card and arriving back to our FOB was too much.
Hawk enters Team Room OP: Hawk! Great to have you back brother. Show me your new ID card.
Hawk: Okay Sergeant.
Hawk is rifling through his wallet. No worries. He must have misplaced his new ID card. It's brand-fucking-new. He must have accidentally stowed it in a different spot in his wallet. We waited, and then we waited some more for Hawk to produce a less than one-hour old ID card. No dice though! Hawk lost it. Again.
Hawk: I am going to run back to the vehicles Sergeant. It must have fell out.
I knew better though. I was fairly certain it didn't fall out. I didn't know where it was, but I was fairly certain the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had better odds of finding the boogieman, than Hawk had of finding his ID car. The race was on! I don't know how the FBI fared, but Hawk failed. I wasn't even mad anymore. Hawk was now just living up to my very low expectations. Still, what the fuck was I going to do as a leader to rectify this situation? We have to repeat the counseling process, and have the Company Commander sign more documents in order to get another ID card. I know it was not purposely lost, but I still have to punish the kid.
I decided to walk in the footsteps of those before me. Hawk was going to make a new ID card. It was not going to be as precise as a real Army ID card, but it would suffice for me. Hawk was going to make his own ID card. The template for his design was going to be the side of an MRE box. His ID card was about to be at least eight inches wide and sixteen inches long. I placed the materials on Hawks bed and instructed him to make a new ID card, loop 550 cord (cordage) through it, and wear it around his neck.
Hawk looked like an idiot walking around the FOB with a billboard sized ID card. It was working though. The door-checker at the chow hall thought it was funny, and Hawk didn't leave his new ID card at the phone-tent or internet-tent either. He went a full two-days until there was an issue. The Regimental Command Sergeant Major (CSM) was at our FOB that day. He wanted to greet the Soldiers and get a general sense of our morale levels. He was not happy when he seen Hawk wearing his giant ID card in the chow hall. I typically spend my days providing very, very detailed guidance to Hawk, and typically expect him to fuck it up anyways. It was a giant kick in the nuts when Hawk pulled a reverse card and gave me instructions.
Hawk: Sergeant OP.
OP: Yes Hawk?
Hawk: I have some guidance for you.
OP: (This is going to be good.) Really? You're going to give me guidance?!? Hit me with it then!
Hawk: The Regimental CSM wants to see you tonight at 2000 hours in the Battalion CSM's office.
OP: Why? (Fuck my tits! I didn't think I did anything wrong, but I was going to find out.)
Hawk: He was mad about my ID card and...
OP: (Cool. We agree on something!) Me too. Seeing how you can't keep track of something that was less than an hour old.
Hawk: The Regimental CSM said my punishment was demeaning and humiliating.
OP: Roger. Thanks for the information.
What the fuck? I understood where the Regimental CSM was coming from, but he was wrong. Hawk is too stupid to be humiliated. Hawk lacks the mental wherewithal to understand he was actively being humiliated. I understand this sounds rude as fuck, but Hawk is just too oblivious to understand when he is the butt of a joke. He is a goldfish brain trapped inside a human body. Making matters worse, Uncle Sam, issued this troglodyte an assault rifle outfitted with a grenade launcher. Fuck. The more I think about it, the more I believe I should be mad at the Regimental CSM for humiliating me by assigning me Hawk, type one each! However, informing the Regimental CSM of this would have gone over like a fart in church.
I immediately informed First Sergeant to ensure he was aware of the situation. First Sergeant had a smile on his face and told me, "I can't wait to go to Battalion with you and see how this plays out." I walked over to Battalion at 1950, and just waited outside the CSM's door. I could hear my Battalion and Regimental CSM bullshitting back-and-forth. It was better than overhearing angry-talk. I knocked on the door at 2000, and was told to come in. First Sergeant accompanied me inside the office as well. I was "on the carpet" in front of "the man" and I was about to have a sizeable chunk of my ass chewed-off without any anesthetic.
OP: Sergeants Majors. How are you doing this evening?
RCSM: Well, I was good until I seen one my Soldiers wearing
THE SIDE OF A MRE BOX AS AN ID CARD. That's just humiliating and uncalled for. What made you think this was an acceptable recourse?
OP: He lost his ID card Sergeant Major.
RCSM: (Now a bit more irritated.)
Then why didn't you just get him a new ID card then? WHY DID YOU FIND IT ACCEPTABLE TO EMBARRASS HIM? OP: I did Sergeant Major. He went a couple days ago to get a new card. He had it for less than an hour and lost that one as well. That's why he is walking around with the MRE box ID card.
RCSM: Oh!
BCSM: Hawk is a little different Sergeant Major. (Said with a big grin and a chuckle.)
First Sergeant: That is an understatement Sergeant Major!
RCSM: What do you mean?
BCSM: Why don't you elaborate OP NICKNAME.
OP: He is an idiot Sergeant Major!
BCSM: (Laughing.) I said elaborate. Why don't you tell him what you told me at the Promotion Board!
OP: Okay Sergeant Major. Please be cognizant that I a merely trying to explain Hawk the best way I know how. Sergeant Major, picture a room with no windows and only one door. Hawk is in that room, with one cat and one dog. I give Hawk very explicit and simple instructions. "Hawk, I will be back in five minutes. Make sure the dog doesn't eat the cat". Sergeant Major, you could go back in that room 30 seconds later and there would be no cat, no dog, a dead fucking elephant and Hawk is clueless about how the fuck it happened. That is Hawk Sergeant Major.
Now 75% of the occupants in the room are laughing hysterically. Guess who is not happy with that analogy? Wrong. The Regimental CSM is laughing. OP. OP is not laughing. The analogy is no longer funny to me at this point. It is a said reality of my life. Hawk is my Soldier. I deal with this heavy mouth-breathing Simple Jack human every single day. I was deployed and there was no reprieve from Hawk.
This is the shit I deal with on a nearly daily basis:
OP: Hawk. Why are you wearing DIFFERENT SOLDIER NAME uniform top?
Hawk: The laundry place fucked up.
OP: What?
Hawk: The laundry facility accidentally gave me DIFFERENT SOLDIERS clothes.
OP: So, rather than take it back and get your shit (LONG "I AM FUCKING DUMBFOUNDED" PAUSE) you decided to just wear another persons clothes?
)YES! Yes, these are the type answers I get in return.) Hawk: I am not wearing his underwear Sergeant OP. (Hawk smile. The "I am mentally deficient" smile) I am free-balling Sergeant.
OP: Goddamn it Hawk. I bet DIFFERENT SOLDIER will be happy to hear that your dick-meat is funking up his uniform bottoms.
Take off his uniform and put on YOUR PT (Physical Training) shorts. Then take his fucking clothes back to the laundry facility and get your shit. Shit like this is a constant. He fucks up Promotion Boards. He can't keep track of newly printed ID cards for more than an hour. He is now wearing another Soldiers uniform. My god, I have accidentally interrupted him milking his snake while on guard duty. Scratched that, interrupted would imply he stopped. He didn't he continued without missing a stroke.
THIS. THIS IS WHY I WAS NOT AMUSED OR LAUGHING! RCSM: Is it he really that bad Sergeant OP?
OP: Oh No! Sometimes it's worse. We take our dose of Hawk one day at a time Sergeant Major.
BCSM: (Phone Call.) SSG OPERATIONS NCO. Call over to OP's Operations Center (OPCEN). Tell them to send Specialist Hawk over to my office.
The Operations NCO calls back and informs the Battalion CSM that Hawk has arrived at Battalion. The Battalion CSM instructs the Operations NCO to, "send him to my office."
The door to the office is still closed. We can hear the shuffling of feet in the hallway. We are all waiting for Hawk to knock on the door. Who knows, he might even be wearing his own uniform. We wait, and then we wait some more. We finally hear knocking. The knocking was not on Sergeant Majors door though. The knocking echoed from an office down the hall. I am about to excuse myself and go retrieve my "special" Soldier, but the phone rings. It was the Battalion Commander. He is wondering why someone knocked on his door and let himself into his office while he was on a conference call with the Regimental Commander and other Battalion Commanders. It was Hawk! The door sign that said "Command Sergeant Major NAME" must have confused him.
I can see the Regimental CSM now coming to the slow realization that the dead elephant analogy was not intended to be funny at all. It truly, and accurately, described what 5'9 and 150 pounds of stupidity looks like. We again hear the shuffle of feet down the hall, and finally there is a knock at the correct door.
BCSM: Enter!
Hawk just walks in. Then he sees the amount of rank in the room and pauses. He opened his mouth as if he was about to utter something ridiculous stupid, but his brain was smart enough to know better. I personally think he needed to let the abundance of drool escape his mouth.
RCSM: Hawk good to see you again. Glad you are not wearing the largest ID card I have ever seen. Hawk! I have had a conversation with your leadership, and I see why they are irritated with your lack of situational awareness. Son, you need to get your shit together or I will find you a job I am certain you won't like. You understand where I am coming from?
I heard it. He heard it. The Regimental CSM gave a pretty simple warning. "Stop fucking up or else!" All Hawk had to say was "Roger" or "Understood Sergeant Major." Something the Regimental Sergeant Major said must have peaked his interest though. I was about to gently rest my face inside the palm of my hand and wonder what I did in life to deserve this creature. What poor choices led me to this moment in time in which I am truly wondering, "What the fuck are you doing with your life OP?"
Hawk: What's the other job Sergeant Major? (Goddamn it Hawk. Fuck my tits. Why? Fucking why Hawk?)
RCSM: I was implying that you would not want the "other" job. It was a threat Hawk. I will have you sweeping the Regimental headquarters building and pulling Kitchen Patrol (KP) duty for the remainder of the deployment. Get your shit together Hawk. You tracking?
OP BRAIN: Please. Please only utter one word or the name Roger. PLEASE. I beg you.
Hawk: Yes Sergeant Major. (YES. It was a small victory in an otherwise long day.)
RCSM: Hawk. I am going to personally take you over to LARGE FOB tomorrow to get an ID card, and then return you, WITH THE ID CARD, to Sergeant OP.
Hawk: Roger Sergeant Major.
RCSM: Hawk. What happened to the MRE box ID card?
I look at Hawk and I think I see a little turd-nugget exit his wrinkle-grommet (asshole) and tumble down the leg of his trousers and come to rest above his boot. It was either that or his peanut size brain had finally managed to dislodge itself and roll down his neck-hole. It was probably the brain.
Hawk: (Drum roll. The anticipation in the air was as thick as a surgically enhanced Kardashian butt.)
Um. Ah. I think I lost it Sergeant Major. I set it on my bed, and when I came back it was gone. Well, would you look at that. Hawk managed to lose an ID card that was larger than an eight-by-ten sheet of paper. Wow. Just fucking wow.
We were eventually dismissed from the meeting, and returned to the Team Room. I needed to ensure Hawk was prepared to get another ID card while the Regimental CSM babysit. On-the-other-hand, I prayed Hawk acted Hawk-like. I wanted the Regimental CSM to return Hawk back to me, scratching his head, and apologizing for verbally reprimanding me.
Regarding the billboard-sized ID card; Hawk lost it. He said he set it on his bed before walking over to Battalion, and taking a pit-stop in the Battalion Commanders office. I suspect he threw it in the trash and forgot. Maybe the Regimental CSM took it, or trashed it while in the chow hall? Maybe aliens stole it? I don't know. I just know it was never found again. I was not mad though. I just laughed it off. Nothing, and I mean
nothing, surprised me if Hawk was involved.
UPDATE: Hawk is still dumb. Hawk will forever be a brainless shell of a human. He is a genuinely a kind and caring person though. He will give you the shirt of his back if you need it. However, you will need to provide step-by-step instructions, and have a bucket-load of patience in order for him to put it back on, inside-out and backwards. Even that would be a small victory though.
Some of you may be happy to know that I reached out to a handful of people I am still in contact with. I currently have 17 stories on-deck. They are not all about Hawk, but he does make retarded cameos in some of the stories. I also have not-funny stories, like my first Improvised Explosive Device (IED) encounter or the time I took a fair amount of mortar shrapnel to the face. Fear not though. I have my own unique way of conveying stories and I assure you there will be at least one chuckle hidden within.
I appreciate all the kind comments, and really enjoy the back-and-forth conversations and story-sharing with you, the Reader. I hope you got a laugh. Be safe, drink beer, take a knee, and face out!
I will continue to spread-out the Hawk stories weekly. The title may change, but there at least three on deck!
07 SEP 20: Hawk's Hot Tub Excursion
14 SEP 20: Hawk Walks Home, IN IRAQ
21 SEP 20: Hawk Drives; We Shoot
Cheers!
Previous episodes: Flamengo,
Vasco,
Fluminense,
Grêmio,
Botafogo,
Atlético Mineiro,
Internacional,
Corinthians,
Santos,
Palmeiras,
Cruzeiro In this series I will present each of the 12 Brazilian teams that together compose the
"Big 12". My point is to make them more knowledgeable to you, since each one of these teams have their share of the Brazil national team success and of Brazilian club football accomplishments as a whole. I'll try to be as smooth, efficient and non-boring as I can. If the feedback is positive, I'll keep bringing more to this series. So ok, let's do this!
Method: I'll present the teams in a chronological order, from the oldest foundation (Flamengo-1895) to the latest one (São Paulo-1930). The order will be: Flamengo, Vasco, Fluminense, Grêmio, Botafogo, Atlético Mineiro, Internacional, Corinthians, Santos, Palmeiras, Cruzeiro, São Paulo. How many of these have you heard of?
Extra clubs: Due to a high number of requests, I'll also present 3 teams who don't belong to the Big12, but are also considered big clubs in Brazil:
Bahia,
Athletico Paranaense and
Coritiba. Welcome to the club!
Geographical reference: Before we start, I'd like to ask something very simple from you. I want you to keep in mind that these 12 teams are spread in 4 different States in Brazil. The club's State name is written below, next to the club's name. It has a direct link to Google Maps, so that you can check it out to make this experience more accurate.
Episode 12/12: São Paulo (State: São Paulo), founded in 1930
State rivals: Corinthians, Palmeiras, Santos
Major achievements: 3 Intercontinental/Club World Cup (1992, 1993, 2005), 3 Copa Libertadores (1992, 1993, 2005), 6 Brazilian Leagues (1977, 1986, 1991, 2006, 2007, 2008), 1 Supercopa Libertadores (1993)
State League titles: 21 (Against Corinthians' 30, Palmeiras' 23, Santos' 22)
PLAY AND LISTEN TO SÃO PAULO'S ANTHEM WHILE READING -
Click here São Paulo FC, the biggest Brazilian club São Paulo seems to be the only team in Brazil that has all the major ingredients that make a team, the biggest: lots of international and domestic titles, big fanbase, big stadium, big idols and historical teams. Clubs like Santos or Flamengo come close, but lack one or other ingredient - that's why São Paulo,
the only 3x Club World champion and the youngest of the
Big12, is considered the biggest club in Brazil!
| Brazilian Club | International titles | Domestic titles | Total |
| São Paulo | 12 | 6 | 18 |
| Santos | 8 | 9 | 17 |
| Flamengo | 5 | 12 | 17 |
| Palmeiras | 3 | 14 | 17 |
| Cruzeiro | 7 | 10 | 17 |
| Corinthians | 4 | 11 | 15 |
| Grêmio | 6 | 8 | 14 |
Not only São Paulo leads the title rank, but also the
runner-up rank, as you can see below:
| Brazilian Club | International runner-ups | Domestic runner-ups | Total |
| São Paulo | 8 | 8 | 16 |
| Cruzeiro | 9 | 7 | 16 |
| Palmeiras | 6 | 5 | 11 |
| Santos | 2 | 9 | 11 |
| Internacional | 2 | 8 | 10 |
| Grêmio | 6 | 4 | 10 |
In the entire South America, São Paulo is only behind Boca Juniors and Independiente in international trophies:
| South American club | Intercontinental/Club World Cup | Copa Libertadores | Others | Total |
| Boca Juniors | 3 | 6 | 9 | 18 |
| Independiente | 2 | 7 | 5 | 14 |
| São Paulo | 3 | 3 | 6 | 12 |
| River Plate | 1 | 4 | 5 | 10 |
However, you have to consider that in Argentina there are only 5-7 big clubs (Boca, River, Independiente, San Lorenzo, Racing, Estudiantes, Vélez), while in Brazil there are at least 12, making things more difficult to São Paulo.
São Paulo is also the
only Brazilian club to win 3x the Intercontinental/Club World Cup, which is considered their biggest feat:
| Event | Match | Goals |
| Intercontinental Cup 1992 | São Paulo 2-1 Barcelona | Raí (2x), Stoichkov |
| Intercontinental Cup 1993 | São Paulo 3-2 Milan | Palhinha, Cerezo, Müller, Massaro, Papin |
| Club World Cup 2005 | São Paulo 1-0 Liverpool | Mineiro |
The beginnings São Paulo was founded in 1930, and accepted people from any origin, social class or ethnicity since their early days. They won their first trophy in 1931, a State League title, led by
Friedenreich - who scored 103 goals in 5 years at the club. After a few fusions with other clubs, the team would begin to really shine in the 1940s.
The 1940s: five State League titles Due to Brazil's huge size and weak infrastructure, there wasn't a National League until 1959 - until then and even afterwards, the State Leagues were the main tournaments.
In the 1940s, São Paulo won 5 of them. At this time, the club also received the nickname
"The Dearest Team", because they dared to bring and show a huge São Paulo State Flag in the inauguration of the Pacaembu stadium, in front of 70.000 spectators, including the hated Brazilian dictator Getúlio Vargas.
Leonidas da Silva The first big idol of the club was
Leonidas, present in the 5 State League titles in the 1940s. The
Black Diamond had played in two World Cups (1934, 1938) and joined the club in 1942. He scored 140 goals in 212 matches, and retired from football in this same club, in 1950.
It was in this decade that São Paulo gained the respect of the best teams of the city,
Palmeiras and Corinthians, who already had 10 State League titles on their account.
In 1943, during a State League draw, a Corinthians' director said that the draw was unnecessary: he flipped a coin and said that if it falls head Palmeiras will be champions, if it falls tail it will be Corinthians. After being questioned about São Paulo, he replied, laughing: "if the coin stands, it will be São Paulo, if it stops in the air, it will be Portuguesa". São Paulo were the champions, and had a huge coin standing on their car during the celebrations at night.
The
Steamroller dominated the decade, got the respect of Corinthians and Palmeiras and were now considered a rival. These 3 teams received the nickname of
Iron Trio from the media.
1950s-1970: construction of Morumbi, the biggest private stadium in the world The club destined all their money in the 1950s to the construction of their stadium Morumbi, which would be the biggest private stadium in the world. Without funds to build a strong team, they only won two State Leagues in this period (1953, 1957), with the legendary Hungarian coach
Béla Guttmann commanding them in the 1957 title, with 1950 World Cup Golden Ball winner Zizinho on their side.
While São Paulo built their stadium, a young kid named Pelé arrived at Santos, and gave no chance to them, or to the
Iron Trio teams in the 1960s.
1970s: back in the game In this decade, São Paulo
won their first Brazilian League title in 1977, and also 3 State Leagues (1970, 1971, 1975), besides one Copa Libertadores runner-up (1974), and one Brazilian League runner-up (1973).
Curiously enough, the 1977 São Paulo wasn't a great team, and nobody bet on them to become Brazilian champions. They beat
Atlético Mineiro in the final,
on the penalties, after two 0-0 ties. São Paulo missed their first two penalties, but managed to overcome Atlético, who sent three shots away. No São Paulo player was elected to the League's Best XI.
The São Paulo players who stood out in this decade were:
Gérson, World Cup champion in 1970,
Pedro Rocha, elected to the League's Best XI in 1973,
Mirandinha, elected to the League's Best XI in 1973 and called to the 1974 World Cup,
Waldir Peres, excellent goalkeeper who won the
League Golden Ball in 1975 and played in 3 World Cups (1974, 1978, 1982),
Chicão, centre-back who played 312 matches for São Paulo in the 1970s and got called to the 1978 World Cup, and
Serginho Chulapa, the club's greatest topscorer, who scored 242 goals in 399 matches for São Paulo between 1973-1982, and played in the 1982 World Cup as a starter, after
Careca's injury.
1980s: State dominance In the 1980s, São Paulo watched their rivals Palmeiras and Santos struggle, as they took home 5 State League titles (1980, 1981, 1985, 1987, 1989).
But it was in the
1986 Brazilian League that São Paulo proved their worth. Led by
Careca, they ended the 1st stage undefeated (7W-3D). On the second stage, they kept the good shape, with only 2 defeats in 16 matches, and with 3 wins scoring 5 goals or more.
On the knock-out stage, São Paulo first met Inter de Limeira in the ro16, the current São Paulo State League champions. São Paulo lost the 1st leg 1-2, but gave a 3-0 back in the return leg, with Careca scoring once on each match.
In the quarter-finals, they would play Fluminense, and lost the 1st leg 0-1. In the 2nd leg,
Careca opened the score at '67 with this crazy goal, and
Müller scored the second ten minutes later.
In the semi-finals, they would face América, a traditional team from Rio de Janeiro, that was big in the old days. América's goalkeeper worked hard, but
at '80, Careca finally scored with this shot. In the return leg,
Careca scored this genius lob goal from inside the box. The team held América's pressure, and left with a 1-1 tie and the spot in the big final.
The big final would be against
Guarani. In the 1st leg at the Morumbi, the topscorers of the tournament, Evair and Careca, scored once each, and the match ended 1-1.
The 2nd leg was one of the craziest Brazilian League finals. It ended 1-1 with two own goals, and went to extratime. São Paulo did 2-1 with Pita at '91, but Guarani tied at '97 and scored the 3-2 at '110,
with this goal of guts. São Paulo needed a goal in 10 minutes, and at '119,
Careca scored to tie the match 3-3 and become the league topscorer. On the penalties, Careca missed São Paulo's first shot, but so did Guarani. São Paulo would score all their 4 other penalties, while Guarani's João Paulo sent it away,
so that São Paulo were crowned Brazilian League champions for the 2nd time.
São Paulo had 6 players elected to the
League's Best XI:
Gilmar,
Dario Pereyra,
Nelsinho,
Bernardo,
Pita, and the Golden Ball and league topscorer with 25 goals,
Careca.
Also in 1986, São Paulo had 5 players called to the 1986 World Cup, notably the starters
Müller and
Careca, as well as
Oscar,
Falcão and
Silas. They lost on the penalties to France in the quarter-finals.
1991-1994: Telê Santana Era, the team that dominated the world Johan Cruyff said, after his
Barcelona lost to São Paulo in the
1992 Intercontinental Cup: "if you are to be run over, better be by a Ferrari".
This São Paulo superteam dominated Brazil, South America and the World in these years. They won 2 Intercontinental Cups, 2 Copa Libertadores, 1 Brazilian League, 1 State League, 2 Recopa, 1 Supercopa Libertadores and 1 Copa Conmebol, not to mention the Tereza Herrera (4-1 against Barcelona) and the Ramón de Carranza (4-0 against Real Madrid) in Spain.
Everything started in 1990, with the arrival of
Telê Santana, the celebrated Brazil 1982 coach. With him, São Paulo finished 2nd in the Brazilian League, losing to their rival Corinthians on the final.
In 1991, São Paulo began the season in great fashion, winning the Brazilian League by June, with a 67% rate. They led the first stage, then knocked Atlético Mineiro out in the semis after two ties (1-1, 0-0), before beating
Bragantino in the final (1-0 and 0-0),
with this goal from Tilico on the 1st leg.
São Paulo were crowned Brazilian League champions for the 3rd time. Two São Paulo players were elected to the
League Best XI:
Ricardo Rocha and
Leonardo.
On December 1991, São Paulo had their revenge against Corinthians in the State League final: in front of 102.000 spectators at the Morumbi,
Raí scored a hat-trick and ended the conversation. 3-0 to São Paulo on the first leg, and a 0-0 tie in the second leg to secure the State League title against Corinthians.
1992: the first Copa Libertadores and Club World titles In this season, São Paulo won the
Copa Libertadores on the first semester, then the
Intercontinental Cup and the State League titles on the second.
At the beginning, the coach Telê used the reserves in the Copa Libertadores, considering it a way too disloyal competition. But after a 0-3 defeat and with the pressure from the board to take it seriously, he changed his strategy and qualified from the group stage on the 2nd place, with 3W-2D-1L, behind Criciúma.
São Paulo passed through Nacional (Uruguay) in the
ro16 without much problems and 2 wins (1-0, 2-0).
In the quarter-finals, São Paulo suffered, but beat Criciúma 1-0 at home
with this goal from Macedo. In the 2nd leg, Criciúma opened the score at '10, but
Palhinha tied with this great goal at '55, qualifying his team to the semis.
In the semis against Barcelona (Ecuador), São Paulo smashed them 3-0 at home,
with another great goal from Palhinha. In the 2nd leg in Ecuador,
São Paulo goalkeeper Zetti performed this huge mistake as Barcelona scored 2-0 at '87, but it was too late and São Paulo qualified to the final.
In the big final against
Newell's Old Boys (Argentina), São Paulo lost the 1st leg in Argentina, 0-1. At home, with a crowd of 105.000 at the Morumbi,
Raí scored 1-0 from a penalty at '65. The match ended and went to the penalties. The Argentines hit the post on their first shot, but São Paulo lost their third one. The Argentines missed their 4th shot, while
Cafu scored.
Zetti saved Newell's 5th shot -
and São Paulo were crowned South American champions for the first time. Palhinha was the
Copa Libertadores topscorer with 7 goals. This title qualified São Paulo to the
Intercontinental Cup, to play against European champions
Barcelona in December.
São Paulo 2-1 Barcelona: the 1992 Intercontinental Cup title In August,
São Paulo had already beaten Barça 4-1 for the Tereza Herrera Trophy (5mn video), with
Müller scoring this nice goal. Four months later, they would meet in Tokyo for the Intercontinental Cup trophy.
Bulgarian
Stoichkov opened the score at '12
with this amazing goal. São Paulo, led by
Raí, quickly dominated the match and tied at '27:
Müller did a great Cruyffesque turn and assisted Raí to score. Minutes later,
Müller almost scored this great lob goal. In the second half, Barcelona almost scored again,
but Ronaldão saved on the line. At '78,
Raí scored from this no-chance free-kick on the GK side to overcome the score to 2-1 in São Paulo's favor. Not much else was done, the match ended, and
São Paulo were crowned for the first time Club World champions. Raí, who scored a brace, was elected Man of the Match.
| São Paulo - 2 | 1 - Barcelona |
| 1. Zetti | 1. Zubizarreta |
| 2. Vítor | 2. Ferrer |
| 4. Ronaldão | 4. Koeman |
| 3. Adilson | 3. Guardiola |
| 6. Ronaldo Luís | 5. Sacristán |
| 5. Pintado | 6. Bakero (Goikoetxea) |
| 8. Toninho Cerezo (Dinho) | 7. Amor |
| 10. Raí | 10. Witschge |
| 11. Cafu | 11. Beigiristain (Nadal) |
| 7. Müller | 8. Stoichkov |
| 9. Palhinha | 9. Laudrup |
| Telê Santana | Johan Cruyff |
One week after the title, on the 20th December, São Paulo played the 2nd leg of the
São Paulo State League final, against rivals Palmeiras. São Paulo had won the 1st leg 4-2, with a hat-trick by Raí and
this great goal by Cafu. In the 2nd and final leg, in front of 111.000 spectators, São Paulo won 2-1, with goals by Müller and Cerezo, to secure their 18th State League title and tie with Palmeiras in the State League title ranking.
São Paulo played 84 matches in 1992, with 45W-21D-18L (66% rate) and 133 goals scored. Raí was the topscorer with 31 goals, folllowed by Palhinha (25) and Müller (24).
1993: International Quadruple Crown, São Paulo dominates the World again São Paulo started the season playing the São Paulo State League. However, the 1990s was a Golden Era of Brazilian football, and the State League was dominated by a rich Palmeiras sponsored by Parmalat, with Roberto Carlos, César Sampaio, Edílson, Zinho and Edmundo - so that São Paulo finished 3rd.
São Paulo were focused in the
1993 Copa Libertadores, which they entered in the ro16, as returning champions. At first they had a 1992 rematch against Newell's Old Boys (Argentina): they lost 0-2 in Argentina, but
stomped them 4-0 at home in the 2nd leg (3mn29 video).
In the quarter-finals, they met Flamengo.
Palhinha scored this beautiful lob goal at the Maracanã, in the 1st leg that ended 1-1. At home,
Dinho almost scored from this crazy free-kick, but
Müller didn't forgive and scored this nice goal at '24.
Right-back Vitor saved São Paulo with the goal empty moments later, and then
he assisted Cafu to score the second and qualifying goal at '68.
In the semis, São Paulo sent Cerro Porteño (Paraguay) home, after a 1-0 victory at home and a 0-0 tie away. In the 2nd leg, after a corner kick by Arce,
Ronaldo Luís saved São Paulo on the goal line.
In the big final, São Paulo destroyed
Universidad Católica (Chile). In the 1st leg at home, they were leading 5-0 at '70, before the Chileans scored their goal of honor at '85 -
goals and highlights here (7mn13 video). In the 2nd leg in Chile, São Paulo lost 0-2, and
were crowned back-to-back Copa Libertadores champions. Raí left to French club PSG after the Libertadores title. In this first span (1987-93) at the club, he scored 111 goals in 306 matches, as a midfielder. He would come back later, from 1998 until 2000.
In September, São Paulo won their 2nd international trophy of the year - the
Recopa Sudamericana, against
Cruzeiro (0-0, 0-0, p.k. 4-2).
In November, São Paulo won their 3rd international trophy of the year - the
Supercopa Libertadores, which gathered
all the 16 Libertadores champions in history. After beating Independiente (Argentina) (2-0, 1-1), Grêmio (2-2, 1-0), Atlético Nacional (Colombia) (1-0, 1-2, p.k. 5-4) and
Flamengo (2-2, 2-2, p.k. 5-3) in the final, they only needed a win in the Intercontinental Cup against the
AC Milan of
Fabio Capello to claim the
unique International Quadruple Crown.
São Paulo 3-2 Milan: the 1993 Intercontinental Cup back-to-back title The early 1990s Milan was
legendary -
Gli Invicibili (
The Invincibles) that won the 1991/92 Serie A unbeaten, reaching a 58-match run with no defeats.
Baresi, Costacurta and Maldini, one of the strongest defences in football history, also
Desailly and Donadoni in midfield, plus
Massaro and Jean-Pierre Papin in attack. This Milan had 5 starters of the 1994 WC final against Brazil - São Paulo had none, actually only 5 bench players (Zetti, Ronaldão, Leonardo, Müller, and Cafu - who was subbed in during the final).
This 1993/94 Milan only conceded 25 goals in 54 matches, but São Paulo somehow found a way to score 3 against them.
Milan started the match better,
with this crazy shot from Massaro. But it was São Paulo who opened the score at '19
with Palhinha, after this cross from Cafu. Massaro tied at the beginning of the 2nd half,
but Cerezo scored the second at '59 after a cross from Leonardo.
Papin tied it 2-2 at '81 from a header. But 7 minutes later at '88,
this funny back/knee goal happened, scored by Müller. São Paulo held the pressure,
the match ended and the World belong to São Paulo once again, for the second year in a row. Toninho Cerezo was elected Man of the Match. With this title, São Paulo joined Pelé's Santos record of winning two back-to-back Copa Libertadores and Club World titles - they are the only South American teams to have done so until today, and probably, forever.
| São Paulo - 3 | 2 - Milan |
| 1. Zetti | 1. Rossi |
| 2. Cafu | 2. Panucci |
| 4. Ronaldão | 6. Baresi |
| 3. Válber | 4. Costacurta |
| 6. André Luiz | 3. Maldini |
| 5. Dinho | 8. Desailly |
| 8. Doriva | 5. Albertini (Tassotti) |
| 11. Toninho Cerezo | 7. Donadoni |
| 10. Leonardo | 11. Massaro |
| 9. Palhinha (Juninho Paulista) | 10. Papin |
| 7. Müller | 9. Raducioiu (Orlando) |
| Telê Santana | Fabio Capello |
With this title, São Paulo won the
International Quadruple Crown, and is the only team in the South American history to have achieved it.
| Date | International Trophy | Adversary |
| May 26th | 1993 Copa Libertadores | Universidad Católica (Chile) |
| September 29th | 1993 Recopa Sudamericana | Cruzeiro |
| November 24th | 1993 Supercopa Libertadores | Flamengo |
| December 12th | 1993 Intercontinental Cup | Milan (Italy) |
In 1993, São Paulo played 98 matches, with 46W-30D-22L (62% rate), scoring 163 goals. Palhinha and Raí were the topscorers with 22 goals each, followed by Cafu (20) and Müller (15).
| Player | Period | Apps | Goals | Brazil NT Caps | Goals | World Cup att. |
| Zetti | 1990-97 | 432 | - | 17 | - | 1 (1994) |
| Cafu | 1990-94 | 273 | 38 | 150 | 5 | 4 (1994, 1998, 2002, 2006) |
| Valber | 1992-97 | 159 | 5 | 12 | - | - |
| Ronaldão | 1986-93 | 300 | 3 | 14 | 3 | 1 (1994) |
| Ronaldo Luís | 1992-95 | 109 | 2 | - | - | - |
| André Luiz | 1993-96 | 90 | 9 | 12 | 1 | - |
| Pintado | 1992-93 | 116 | 2 | - | - | - |
| Doriva | 1991-94 | 81 | 1 | 14 | - | 1 (1998) |
| Dinho | 1992-93 | 113 | 12 | 1 | - | - |
| Toninho Cerezo | 1992-93 | 72 | 7 | 73 | 5 | 2 (1978, 1980) |
| Raí | 1987-93, 98-2000 | 393 | 128 | 49 | 17 | 1 (1994) |
| Leonardo | 1990-91, 93-94, 2001 | 112 | 17 | 60 | 7 | 2 (1994, 1998) |
| Müller | 1984-88, 90-94, 1996 | 191 | 110 | 59 | 12 | 3 (1986, 1990, 1994) |
| Palhinha | 1992-95 | 229 | 71 | 16 | 5 | - |
| Juninho Paulista | 1993-95 | 141 | 22 | 50 | 5 | 1 (2002) |
1994-95: the end of the Telê Era Before
Telê started to get sick in 1995, he had time to collect the 1994 Recopa Sudamericana and the 1994 Copa Conmebol - the latter with the reserve team, called
Little Express, with upcoming talents such as
Rogério Ceni,
Juninho Paulista, and
Denílson, who even beat the traditional
Peñarol (Uruguay) 6-1 in the final - the largest score in a South American final ever.
He also reached the 1994 Copa Libertadores final, but lost it on the penalties to Vélez Sarsfield (Argentina) (0-1, 1-0, p.k. 3-5).
Telê passed away in 2006, at the age of 74, and is considered the best Brazilian coach in history. He inspired a series of world class coaches, namely Marcelo Bielsa, Arrigo Sachi and Pep Guardiola - notably with his Brazil 1982 and São Paulo 90-94 sides.
1996-2004: Rebuilding times, the club that almost wins In this period, São Paulo was known for building good teams and revealing great players, but without collecting trophies. They only won 2 State Leagues (1998, 2000), 1 Rio-São Paulo Tournament (2001), and an irrelevant Copa Master da Conmebol (1996).
On the other hand, they finished 2nd in three State Leagues (1996, 1997, 2003), two Rio-São Paulo (1998, 2002), 1
Copa dos Campeões (2001), 1 Supercopa Libertadores (1997) and one traumatic
Copa do Brasil (2000), losing the title in the last 10 minutes. They also reached 1 Copa Libertadores semi-final (2004), 1 Copa Sudamericana semi-final (2003) and finished 3rd in two Brazilian Leagues (2003, 2004). Meanwhile, their rivals Corinthians and Palmeiras were collecting trophy after trophy, while Santos started to reemerge to big titles.
The highlights of this period were the
return of Raí in 1998 and
his performance (7mn video) against Corinthians in the
State League final, the performances of
Rogério Ceni,
Belletti,
França,
Dodô,
Marcelinho Paraíba and
Luís Fabiano, and the revelations of
Denílson,
Julio Baptista and
Kaká. Three of them even represented São Paulo at the 2002 World Cup title (Rogério Ceni, Belletti, Kaká), as well as Edmilson and Denilson, who lived this period at the club and were now in Europe.
But the trophies weren't coming. Kaká, notably, appeared in 2001 in the
Rio-São Paulo Tournament final. He entered the match at 0-1, and
scored two goals in two minutes, thus taking the title home. He performed well in the 2001 Brazilian League, but was knocked out in the quarter-finals.
After the 2002 World Cup title in June, Kaká returned to São Paulo and
tore the Brazilian League apart with
Luis Fabiano, winning the
Golden Ball Award. However, the
title didn't come again, as they lost in the quarter-finals (1-3, 1-2) to the uprising young talents of Santos' Diego and Robinho. The São Paulo supporters were extremely angry at Kaká, calling him a
popcorn maker (meaning
choker in Brazil), and demanded his exit, notably after another defeat in the 2003 State League final (2-3, 2-3) to rivals Corinthians. Kaká then left the club in 2003 to join Milan. He played 131 matches and scored 48 goals for São Paulo, in this period (2001-2003).
| Player | Period | Apps | Goals | Brazil NT Caps | Goals | World Cup att. |
| Rogério Ceni | 1990-2015 | 1237 | 131 | 18 | - | 2 (2002, 2006) |
| Edmilson | 1994-00 | 256 | 1 | 40 | 1 | 1 (2002) |
| Belletti | 1996-02 | 200 | 16 | 51 | 1 | 1 (2002) |
| França | 1996-02 | 327 | 182 | 8 | 1 | - |
| Dodô | 1995-99 | 169 | 93 | 5 | 2 | - |
| Marcelinho Paraíba | 1997-00, 2010-11 | 201 | 50 | 6 | 1 | - |
| Denilson | 1994-98 | 191 | 26 | 61 | 8 | 2 (1998, 2002) |
| Kaká | 2001-03, 2014 | 155 | 51 | 95 | 31 | 3 (2002, 2006, 2010) |
| Luís Fabiano | 2001-04, 2011-15 | 347 | 213 | 45 | 28 | 1 (2010) |
2005, Libertadores, Club World Cup and Rogério Ceni - the myth, the legend, the 1 Before 2005,
Rogério Ceni was considered just a good goalkeeper - after that, he became a club idol and started
de facto his legacy. Ceni arrived at the club in 1990, at the age of 17. He got promoted to Telê's main team in 1992, after the death of third goalkeeper Alexandre, and collected some important titles under him, as reserve. He started playing in 1997, for both São Paulo and Brazil NT - his known antipathy however didn't help him for Brazil, specially with so many talents around with more empathy, like Taffarel and Marcos, or with more skills, like Dida. He developed himself as a
world class free-kick taker - and that, somehow, worked against him when people analyzed his goalkeeping abilities.
Rogério Ceni is the goalkeeper with the most goals scored in history, with 131 goals in 1237 matches for São Paulo - 69 from penalties, 61 from free-kicks. In 2005, he notably scored 21 goals in 75 matches, being the team's topscorer of the season.
The team started the 2005 season with some good players from 2004: Cicinho, Fabão, Lugano, Josué, Danilo, Tardelli and Grafite. With the arrival of Júnior, Mineiro, Amoroso and Luizão, the team was ready to dominate South America and the world for the third time.
They started winning the São Paulo State League, led by the coach
Émerson Leão, main responsible for building the team, since his arrival on September 2004. He would then leave to Japan, being subbed by
Paulo Autuori.
In the Copa Libertadores group stage, São Paulo ended 1st, with 3W at home and 3D away, against The Strongest (Bolivia) (3-3, 3-0), Universidad de Chile (Chile) (4-2, 1-1) and Quilmes (Argentina) (2-2, 3-1).
Highlights to
this free-kick goal by Rogério Ceni against Universidad.
In the ro16, São Paulo met their city rivals Palmeiras, and won the 1st leg 1-0 away with
this great goal by Cicinho. In the 2nd leg at home, Rogério Ceni and Cicinho scored at '81 and '89 to beat Palmeiras 2-0.
In the quarter-finals, Tigres (Mexico) lost 0-4 to São Paulo in the 1st leg -
Ceni opened the score with this great free-kick and
also scored the third from another free-kick. In Mexico, they lost 1-2, but qualified anyway.
River Plate (Argentina) would be their adversary
in the semis. At home, São Paulo hit the post twice, and won by 2-0, with goals
from Danilo at '76 and
Rogério Ceni, from this penalty at '89. In Argentina, São Paulo won 3-2, without much problems.
In the big final, São Paulo met
Athletico Paranaense, and tied 1-1 in the 1st leg (away), with
this funny own goal when they were losing 0-1. In the 2nd leg at home, São Paulo won 4-0:
first with Amoroso at '16.
Athletico then missed a penalty, and São Paulo
scored the 2nd at '52 with Fabão.
Luizão scored the 3rd and
Tardelli the 4th.
São Paulo were for the 3rd time, the Copa Libertadores champions, and the first Brazilian team to achieve it. Ceni and
Luizão were the topscorers of the team, with 5 goals each. This title qualified them to the
2005 Club World Cup.
2005 Club World Cup: São Paulo 1-0 Liverpool, 3x Club World champions In Japan for their 3rd time, São Paulo first beat Al-Ittihad (Saudi Arabia) 3-2 in the semis, so they could face European champions
Liverpool in the final.
The English team hadn't conceded a goal in 10 matches, and went full-attack on São Paulo, who defended themselves. But at '27,
Mineiro scored the only goal of the match after a chipping from Aloisio. São Paulo defended as they could, with great help from
Ceni, who performed the save of the year after Gerrard's free-kick at '51. The match ended at '93, and
São Paulo were crowned Club World champions for the third time. Ceni was elected Man of the Match and Golden Ball of the Cup.
| São Paulo - 1 | 0 - Liverpool |
| 1. Rogério Ceni | 12. Pepe Reina |
| 5. Lugano | 3. Finnan |
| 3. Fabão | 4. Hyypiä |
| 4. Edcarlos | 23. Carragher |
| 2. Cicinho | 2. Warnock (Riise) |
| 6. Júnior | 22. Sissoko (Pongolle) |
| 7. Mineiro | 8. Gerrard |
| 8. Josué | 14. Xabi Alonso |
| 10. Danilo | 7. Kewell |
| 14. Aloísio (Grafite) | 10. Luis Garcia |
| 11. Amoroso | 19. Morientes (Crouch) |
| Paulo Autuori | Rafael Benítez |
2006-08: the Brazilian Sovereign In 2006, São Paulo reached once again the Copa Libertadores final, but lost to Internacional (1-2, 2-2).
The team then focused on the Brazilian League, which they would win three consecutive times. Led by coach
Muricy Ramalho, they would play defensive football (3-5-2) and show great regularity - though always getting eliminated in knock-out competitions. With these 3 titles, they reached a total of
6 league titles in their history.
In these 3 league titles, São Paulo played 114 matches, with 66 wins and only 16 defeats (overall rate of 67%), conceding only 87 goals.
11 São Paulo players were elected to the League's Best XI in this period: Ceni, Ilsinho, Fabão, Mineiro and Aloísio (2006), Ceni, Breno, Richarlyson, Hernanes (2007), Ceni, André Dias, Miranda, Hernanes and Borges (2008).
Highlights to
Hernanes, great São Paulo revelation, who later shone in Europe.
| Player | Period | Apps | Goals | Brazil NT Caps | Goals | World Cup att. |
| Cicinho | 2004-05, 2010 | 151 | 21 | 15 | 1 | 1 (2006) |
| Lugano (Uruguay) | 2003-06, 2016-17 | 213 | 13 | 95 | 10 | 2 (2010, 2014) |
| Júnior | 2004-08 | 198 | 11 | 22 | 1 | 1 (2002) |
| Mineiro | 2005-07 | 138 | 7 | 25 | - | |
| Josué | 2005-07 | 158 | 7 | 28 | 1 | 1 (2010) |
| Danilo | 2004-06 | 194 | 37 | - | - | - |
| Grafite | 2004-06 | 75 | 27 | 4 | 1 | 1 (2010) |
| Amoroso | 2005 | 26 | 18 | 20 | 10 | - |
| Luizão | 2005 | 28 | 11 | 17 | 3 | 1 (2002) |
| Aloísio | 2005-08 | 124 | 23 | - | - | - |
| Miranda | 2006-11 | 260 | 10 | 58 | 3 | 1 (2018) |
| Richarlyson | 2005-10 | 147 | 6 | 2 | - | - |
| Hernanes | 2005-10, 2017, 2019- | 297 | 49 | 27 | 2 | 1 (2014) |
2009-today The São Paulo that brought fear to their adversaries disappeared in this period, collecting only one Copa Sudamericana in 2012. They managed however to reach two Copa Libertadores semi-finals (2010, 2016), two
Copa do Brasil semi-finals (2012, 2015) and one 2nd place in the Brazilian League (2014). They also revealed
Casemiro and
Lucas Moura, among others.
São Paulo is one of the 3 Brazilian clubs to never be relegated.
To this day, São Paulo has the 3rd largest fanbase in Brazil, with 17 million supporters, and a stadium attendance average of 27.400, as of 2019.
If you have any questions about Brazilian football, feel free to join us at
futebol, where you'll be very welcomed!
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