Free Daily Sports Picks & Expert ... - Boyd's Bets

Your 2020 Season Survival Guide and R/Baseball Refresher!

Before we dive in, if you want to participate in the annual Call Your Shot season predictions contest, you can find it here.
It's FINALLY coming! Welcome to the 2020 MLB Season! We are so glad you are here. Don't let the length of this post scare you, we just wanted to consolidate all the relevant information that people have questions about into one place to start the season off. This is your survival guide for the 2020 season, it should have all the pertinent information to answer most of your questions!
If you are a brand new fan I'd recommend going through most of it, if you're a veteran you'll know which sections you'll want to read by their headings. My goal here is that both new and returning fans can learn how to better enjoy the season and know what's going on on Baseball this year. Okay, take some time and read through what you want to read through below!
This is the fourth year of doing this. Every year I go through the previous years comments to find things that should be added or corrected for the next edition, so if you have any great resources or information that you think would be beneficial to add, please comment it below!
Sections:

Introduction for new and renewed interest fans.

Baseball normally has a long season. I don't just mean that in terms of time between opening day and the World Series (which can be considered long as it is), but also the 162 games played in 183 days, 18-20 times against the same 4 teams each. It can be daunting, and many people lose interest by "the dog days" of June and July. This year things are going to be a little different. With only 60 games on the schedule (assuming we make it through without a major clubhouse covid outbreak that cancels games versus that team) every game is going to matter about 3x as much as one in a normal regular season. Tensions will be high, but we might not feel it because there won't be that much crowd noise. THAT SAID - they're still playing 60 games in 66 days, which means almost every day for the next two months isn't just packed with baseball, they're packed with YOUR FAVORITE TEAMS baseball, which while exciting after months without any American sports in the regular season (MLS - a tournament is not the regular season) can end up feeling overwhelming when you just finished watching a late game go into extras then wake up to realize there's an afternoon game on in six hours.
This guide is meant to help you if you wish to avoid being one of those who feels overwhelmed and loses interest a couple weeks after Opening Day.
First and foremost if you are a new fan or newly returning, you must remember one thing: you do not need to watch every game. Many football fans, and even some basketball and hockey fans, find this difficult, they're used to setting aside a few nights a week to watch their team, and they can watch all the games. Baseball isn't like that. For the next two months, your team will only have 6 days where they won't be playing a game. And some of the games they play will start as early as 9:20am (Pacific Time), others will end after 1am (Eastern Time). If you miss a game it's okay, odds are there's another one tomorrow. If you miss a week, no big deal, hell if you get busy for a few months and aren't able to watch you team, that's not an issue, because you can still follow your team.
Baseball is a game to be followed. In the old days it meant picking up the morning paper and checking the box scores. Now it means being able to have a final score texted/tweeted/messaged/emailed/what-evered to you the minute the game ends, or rolling over in bed when you can't sleep and grabbing your phone to check the West Coast scores. It means being able to check reddit in the morning to see any breaking news from across the league, or catch a story you missed. We live in a time where you can go to MLB.com and get a recap of every game from last night in less than 10 minutes. Honestly, baseball was made to be consumed, and the technology age makes it easier than ever, whether you want to spend hours every day pouring over stats and analysis, or 15 seconds to see how your team and their playoff rivals did today.
The rest of this guide is mostly dedicated to ways that you can help yourself follow your team, and if you have time follow the entirety of MLB.
Anyways, enough rambling, TL;DR Don't worry if you miss games, there'll be one tomorrow.

Rule Changes for 2020

For this season only (or so they say...):
  • The NL will utilize the DH full time.
  • In extra innings the person in the batting order immediately before the lead off hitter will start on second base.
  • Games suspended due to rain will continue play at a later date rather than be washed out and restarted.
  • Arguing within six feet of an umpire or participating in a fight will be met with heftier fines and suspensions this yaer.
  • Pitchers will be allowed a wet rag to be brought out from the dugout in lieu of being able to lick their fingers for better grip.
  • Each team has a 20 extra players in their "taxi squad" in addition to their active roster and 40-man roster.
  • Active rosters will start at 30 players, then will be cut to 28 after two weeks, then 26 after four weeks.
  • Spitting is not allowed.
  • Non-social distanced celebrations are not allowed.
Permanent (as any rule change can be in baseball) rule changes for 2020 and beyond:
  • Three batter minimum - pitcher entering the game must face a minimum of three batters unless they complete an inning.
  • The MLB Active Roster is expanded from 25 players to 26 players.

Finding a Team

I always recommend following the local team since you'll have more access to news about them in the local media and should be able to get their radio broadcast, as well as TV broadcasts of them if you have cable/satellite/streaming, and depending on where you're at the occasional over the air game, but if you don't live by a team or don't want to follow the local team, or are just looking for a second team to follow, I wrote this in depth guide to picking a team that's the right fit for you.

Knowing Where Different Teams Stand

Every year ESPN, Sports Illustrated, FOX, NBS, and every other sports related site puts out their season previews. These are great for getting a basic rundown of what is going on with each team, and a simple google search will bring up a plethora of possible articles to read.
If what you really want is a fans perspective on what each team's expectations condensed into a few short comments, I'd highly recommend going through each teams day from our annual "Why will X team exceed expectations?" series. All the previous posts are linked in the Astros thread.

Baseball

Alright, so plugging baseball on baseball seems a bit redundant, but I think it's a good reminder that this is a great hub for all your MLB news throughout the season while still letting you see the occasional amazing college/minor league/foreign league performance.
During the season there are a number of features to keep you informed of all the goings on around baseball.
Every day of the season (and a portion of the offseason) we have General Discussion threads we call Around the Horn. These are great places to ask questions and discuss anything that you want to know about baseball but don't feel like it deserves it's own post. In the Around the Horn post you'll be able to see a full schedule of what is going on around Baseball every week.
Here are the weekly features:
Daily: Nightly Pick'Em - A six year running contest to pick the result of one game every day. Details can be found in this thread.
Monday: Power Rankings - A team of 30 fans from every team in baseball, led by masochist fearless leader kasutori_jack, releases their composite power rankings of the 30 teams. This leads to well thought out discussions and some in depth analysis, as well as salty fans crying about how their team is underrated (there may be more of the latter than the former, but it's still a great way to keep your finger on the pulse of how every team is doing).
Monday (Unofficial) - The last few years thekmanpwnudwn has posted a State of the Subreddits post that gives the top post from each team's subreddit from the last week. This is a great roundup post for staying up to date on what all the different team fandoms are feeling, and helps you catch any milestones you might have otherwise missed.
Tuesday: Weekly Awards - Led by lemcoe9 a different team of a fan from every team releases the results of their weekly (and monthly) voting for who the best position player and pitcher was since the last vote was taken. Once again, a great way to keep track of which players are on hot streaks, and who's dominating the league.
Wednesday: Wild Card Wednesday - Each week a new contest, trivia game, or just out of the box fun thread will be stickied! Got an idea? Let the mods know!
Thursdays: Division Discussions - We rotate between the Easts, Centrals, and Wests to do some more in depth talk about where the playoff races and teams stand. If you only have time for one baseball thread every week and want to keep up with the league, this is the thread to set aside time for.
Friday: Trash Talk/Compliment/Complaint - FRIDAYS ARE FUN DAYS, WE ROTATE BETWEEN TRASH TALK, COMPLIMENT, TRASH TALK, AND COMPLAIN THREADS! TRADITION STATES ALL COMMENTS BE IN ALL CAPS AND ENDING IN EXCLAMATION POINTS! WE ROTATE RATHER THAN HAVE A SET DAY FOR EACH ALL SEASON BECAUSE IT'S A LONG SEASON AND ANY ONE OF THE THREE THREADS CAN GET STALE FAST IF YOU DON'T LEAVE TIME FOR MORE AMMUNITION!
Saturday: Saturday is when we usually plug in occasional things that don't necessarily deserve weekly attention. Things like in depth stat discussions, memorobilia sharing, craft projects, etc.
Sunday: Game of the Week - Sunday is the one day a week where we get together as a subreddit to watch a baseball game together, since it's the one time every week where there's only one game going on and there's guaranteed to be a game. The Sunday Night Baseball game thread is usually posted a couple hours before the first pitch.
In addition the playoffs, and select premier match-ups (mostly at the very end of the season where there is a lot riding on a regular season game) we host game threads for all baseball users. These are neutral thread, for more info on less neutral ones skip to the next section. We may experiment with game threads in baseball for the MLB.tv Free Game of the Day this year.
In addition to all these features, it really is a great place to keep up with breaking news and highlights. It'll be posted here minutes after someone tweets it, and long before it's on MLB.com. Team beat writers get the stories first, and it's easier to check in here a couple times a day than follow every one of them. Plus there's something the kids are calling "dank memes" (but not too many, because us mods don't allow too much moisture to get into the servers).

Your Team's Subreddit (And other team subs as well)

The mods at baseball have one goal - help you have the best possible reddit baseball experience, and a LOT of that is helping you get connected to other fans of your team (which feels a little like a cop-out because it means less work for us if you're doing more on your team's sub, but your team's mods aren't complaining.)
One of the main draws of team subs (other than in depth discussion with like-fan-minded users, getting breaking news and analysis on your team, team-memes, and other reddit discussions that come up from a group of individuals who can agree on one thing) are game threads. At this time (to the best of my knowledge) every team sub hosts game threads for their team's games, and you can easily access them in the sidebar during the season by clicking on the team's logo in the schedule (we're working on getting that up to speed, MLB changed some parts of their RSS and background data and we've had to work around that to get our automated system back up). We like to keep the game threads in team subs for a few reasons, one of which is we want to support the team subs and send them relevant traffic when we can because they really do an amazing job, another is because with 15 games a day this place would look like crap if we had game threads for every game or let users post them as they please (we've tried it, it blots out news, discussion, and highlights and looks like crap, baseball doesn't have only a couple days set aside for games or focus on marquee match ups like many other sports, it's 2430 games played in 183 days and is better when it's spread out.)
Even if you're not a game thread person though, getting connected with a good team sub can make disappointing seasons more bearable, and great seasons more exciting, and I know plenty of users that said that their team's sub basically keeps them fans. Team subs are also a great place to get connected to...

Twitter, Podcasts, and other General News/Analysis Sources

Going to be honest here, I don't use twitter and I do not frequently read other people's blogs. I know many people do and enjoy it, and I believe the best way to find the people to follow/sites to visit that interest you the most are to hang around your team's sub and note which Tweets/Sites that are linked to that most often peak your interest. Your list of favorite baseball writers is going to be different than my favorite list, and finding the right twitter personalities, podcasts hosts, and bloggers can make game analysis more interesting for you even if your team is playing like crap and it's the middle of July.
Here are some common suggestions for some general baseball twitter accounts and podcasts to get you started, but like I said, find what you like and follow those:
Twitter
Account Account Account
@MLB @Ken_Rosenthal @Buster_ESPN
@jonmorosi @mlbtraderumors @MiLB
@JeffPassan @MLBInjuryNews @BNightengale
@keithlaw @based_ball @SamMillerBB
@jonahkeri @BaseballAmerica @brooksbaseball
@BenLindbergh @ChrisCotillo @mike_petriello
@MJ_Baumann @FanRagSports @TheAthleticMLB
@fangraphs @baseballprospectus @baseball_ref
@daynperry @CBSSportsMLB @CespedesBBQ
@GrantBrisbee @JonHeyman @cantpitch
@MLBRosterMoves @darenw @extrabaggs
Podcasts
Account Account Account
Effectively Wild Baseball Tonight The Ringer

The Statistical Titans: Baseball Reference and Fangraphs

Literally every day you will find a link or to BaseballReference.com or Fangraphs.com here, it's a given, and it's because these are the two most extensive free baseball databases that are easy to navigate. If you want to look up anything about baseball history, check Baseball Reference, if you want to look up how players stack up with non-proprietary advanced metrics or read an insightful blog post about why someone is overrated/underrated or overperforming/underperforming, check Fangraphs. With these two sites you have all the stats and figures you need to make a competent argument for basically anything you want with a little cherry picking.
A large part of the modern baseball world is statistics and you're going to find yourself getting more immersed in discussing the game if you can get a handle on all the terms getting thrown around. If you are brand new to baseball, take a little while to get to know the game before diving into these sites, but if you have a handle on the basics and are ready to know what this WAR everyone is talking about is, dive into the glossaries and find the statistics.
When you get the basics, creating your own analysis doesn't seem as daunting, and one of the reasons I love baseball is that I can deconstruct pretty much every play and find some meaning behind it. If you are like that and enjoy numbers, theoretical projections, and breaking things down into simple figures before reconstructing them into something long and beautiful, then learning the basics of sabrmetrics will make you a baseball fan for life. If, on the other hand, you just want to enjoy the game for the beautiful pastime that it is by watching, then we've got a little bit to go through...

Where to Watch? - Your TV and Streaming Guide

So a big part of baseball is, you know, actually being able to watch the games (though as I talk about at the end, it might not necessarily be the case for you, and that doesn't mean you can't enjoy baseball, skip down and see what I'm talking about in the final section).
First off, if you are looking for free games to watch, you are in luck! MLB.tv streams one game a day for free on MLB.com and Yahoo.com. These games are subject to local blackouts (details on those in the MLB.tv section) but are definitely worth watching if you're trying to see if you'll enjoy baseball, or just need a free baseball fix. Facebook is also streaming one game a week during the season for free. The other free games available are from May 18 to July 13 on Saturday night and Thursday nights in September when FOX airs games on their OTA affiliated networks. Believe it or not, TV antennas still work in most areas, and these games are free to watch. Some teams also broadcast select games on OTA networks in their region.
Okay, so now the more expensive stuff. If you have even the most basic cable package (or log in information) you probably have ESPN. ESPN airs games every Sunday Night as well as Wednesday Night and Opening Weekend. These games are also available on ESPN Go.
You also probably have a regional sports channel. This is where almost all of your local teams games will be aired. Here is a decent breakdown of every team and what network they are carried on.
TBS is also on even the most basic networks, they air games the final 13 Sundays of the regular season in the afternoon.
FS1 and FOX carry baseball games almost every Saturday of the season, and MLB Network carries games pretty much every day.
A list of currently scheduled national broadcasts is available here, not all games have been chosen so there will be more added to the list.
For all these networks (except for the Dodgers, Orioles, and Nationals regional networks) there are options to stream the games online provided you have cable login information for the channel. During the playoffs FS1, TBS, and MLB Network will carry most of the games, with ESPN carrying a wild card game and FOX carrying the World Series.
Now there are also streaming services that grant access to most of the previously mentioned channels:
  • Sling TV Orange package gets you ESPN, ESPN 2, and TBS.
  • Sling TV Blue package gets you FOX, FS1, FS2, TBS, and most regional sports networks.
  • Youtube TV gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, TBS, MLB Network, and some regional sports networks.
  • HULU Live gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, FS2, TBS, and your regional sports networks.
  • Playstation Vue Access gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, FS2, and TBS.
  • Playstation Vue Core adds MLB Network to the Access channels.
  • Playstation Vue Sports Extra adds regional sports networks in addition to your other channels.
  • AT&T TV Now Live a Little gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, and TBS and your regional sports networks.
  • AT&T TV Now Just Right adds MLB Network to the Live a Little channels.
  • AT&T TV Now Go Big adds FS2 to the Just Right channels.
  • FUBO Premier gets you FOX, FS1, and your regional sports networks
Also, ESPN+ will carry select games pretty much daily throughout the season.

MLB.TV - the Ultimate Fan Investment

Alright, so a few things to cover with this, first of all YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LEGALLY STREAM IN MARKET GAMES IF YOU LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES. MLB.tv uses your IP address to see where you are located, and if it pings back that you are in a team's home market it will not let you watch the game LIVE. Here is where you can find what games MLB.tv will black you out from. National broadcasts on ESPN, FOX, and TBS are also subject to blackouts within the United States (MLB Network games are not). Before you ask, yes there are less than legal ways to get around this (spoofing your IP address, subreddit dedicated to mlb streams, etc.), but I won't be talking about those in detail here. IF YOU ARE OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA, YOU WILL HAVE NO BLACKOUTS.
Even if you are blacked out, you will be able to watch the game 90 minutes after it finishes, so if you work a late shift or stay up late it might be worth it for you anyways even if you only want to follow one team.
Military members and college students, don't forget to apply your 35% discount!
"But I don't want to watch EVERY out of market game, I just want to watch MY team!" Cool, for $25 less there's a single team option that will allow you to watch all your team's non-blacked out games! Personally, I'd pay the extra $25 for the opportunity to watch every Kershaw, Bumgarner, and Scherzer start, or put the Cubs on in the background while working on a Friday afternoon, but to each their own.
"But I don't want to commit for a full year!" That's okay, there's a monthly option as well in case you know there are months where you can't watch as much.
Some of the fun features of MLB.tv include the ability to watch four games at once and quickly swap your audio from one to another (seriously, I'm never on commercial break when I'm watching baseball, unless there's only one game on I'm able to watch it all, and in September that's huge) and condensed games. What are condensed games? They go through and cut out all the time between pitches and innings, meaning if you want to watch a whole game in less than a half hour (or are searching desperately for a play to make a .gif or streamable out of that for some reason isn't considered a highlight) it's really easy. If you're someone who really wants to get into the game but can't figure out how to grind through watching a full game, Condensed Games are great for keeping up with a team while you learn the little details between pitches that somehow make watching the catcher twiddle his fingers exciting for some fans.
Also, new this year, MLB has added some great baseball documentaries to your MLB.tv subscription, giving you access to more than just games for the first time.
In addition, there are two great resources to enhance your total immersion into baseball if there are multiple games going on. Please note for both of these you must already be logged into MLB.tv to make them work. The first, and most basic, is Brooks Baseball's MLB.TV Redzone. It will automatically take you to the highest leverage game going on, and will automatically shift you to another game between innings OR if another game enters a higher leverage situation. For a more personalized touch, The Baseball Guage has MLB.TV Game Changer which lets you customize your preferences so MLB.tv will always switch to the game that is most relevant to you. This is great if you play fantasy and want to keep up with your players, are waiting for someone to hit a milestone, or if you want to make sure your action is broken into to follow a no-hitter in progress.
It also gives you a free subscription to...

MLB AtBat - The Most Underrated Way to Stay Connected to Baseball

MLB AtBat is MLB's official application. It comes in two versions, the free version which has ads but is useful for keeping up to date with all the scores, and the paid version ($19.99 for the year of $2.99 monthly) which gives you access to ad-free content, Gameday on your mobile device, and (most valuable) access to every team's radio stream for every game during the season and postseason completely blackout free. If there's a day game, you can bet I'm listening to it at work, if I'm mowing the lawn on a Saturday I'm listening to a game, when I can't sleep at night, on comes a West Coast game. To get the paid version you must download the free version, then subscribe within the app, or log into an MLB account that has MLB.tv.
Baseball was made to be on the radio, it's a sport that is very easy to follow the action with the right announcer. At work (or school) it's great because you can half listen, and when the announcer gets excited you can instantly tune back in to hear what's going on. This is the most underrated way to stay connected to your team throughout the year. Before I could afford MLB.tv, this was the way to go, and it honestly makes me question every year whether getting the MLB.tv package is worth is when I can get 80% of the entertainment value from listening to the games (and every year I manage to forget to unsubscribe, for many reasons listed above).
Gameday on mobile is also a great feature, it lets you quickly check in on the action during brief recesses in meetings (or under the table during meetings), or breaks between classes (or under a desk in classes). This is honestly my primary means of keeping track of Twins games throughout the year. My wife thinks I'm crazy when I could just watch the game, but instead am nervously checking my phone every couple minutes. IF I WATCH I JINX THE TEAM, HONEY!

How to watch baseball?

So this is a question that we get from many new fans who are just trying to figure out what the hell is going on and why people find this game so fascinating. I'll get the elephant in the room out of the way, yes there are some "boring" parts of watching baseball on TV. The camera fans to a batter spitting and adjusting his gloves, the pitcher adjusts his crotch then licks his fingers, random shots of a bored looking manager, etc. When you are actually at the ballpark you can be watching where the catcher and fielders set up to try to predict the pitch that is coming (read The Hidden Language of Baseball by Paul Dickson for some great insight into how to interpret this), but on TV it's not usually the case. This is where I have some suggestions for new fans trying to get into it.
First off, if you are looking for just a relaxing day, embrace the slow pace with a beer and veg out on the couch while watching. It's meant to be slow and relaxing (until it gets tense and exciting, usually with runners on). Seriously, when was the last time you just sat and did nothing? Mid July afternoon games are a perfect way to reach that zen of half-consciousness, until something happens to get you sucked into the action.
Another option to stay engaged is keeping score. I find keeping score relaxing and looking back through a scorebook can be fun to see what you were doing a few years ago (except for that damn unfinished scorecard from 2015 where A-Rod hit the most predictable home run in Twins-Yankees history and I sent my scorecard flying to the other side of the room). As NPR once put it, keeping score is a knowledge making activity, and if you have the time and patience for it it is a great way to learn the game. There are a couple different guides to keeping score, and most scorebooks/cards will have a brief example of how to do so. If you have any questions, the Around the Horn thread is a great place to ask!
Gamethreads are another way to get together with other baseball fans and pass the time between pitches, especially in team subs you get to know the regulars and conversations start to wonder away from baseball at times throughout the game, and that's fine. Baseball is an excuse to enjoy a summer day.
For those that want to actually understand what is going on during that time, though, there are some options. Watching Baseball Smarter by Zack Hample (who despite his reputation on this subreddit knows some stuff and actually pops in from time to time to comment on different things) is a good starting place for new fans. Baseball for Dummies and The Complete Idiots Guide to Baseball are also good starting points for those willing to sit and read for a little bit.
For those who don't want to read a book, I guess I can touch on what I'm looking for between pitches. A big part of baseball is pitch selection, so scouting out a pitchers repertoire of pitches is a good starting point, BrooksBaseball.net has great cheat sheets on every pitcher in the game, and PitcherList.com has a visual example of each pitcher's pitches so you can see what you can be looking for. Anyways, I mention that because the whole reason the catcher is twiddling his fingers behind the plate is to go over with the pitcher what pitch is going to be thrown. What I'm watching for between pitches is where the catcher is setting up behind the plate and guessing which pitch is going to be thrown. A 2-0 and 3-1 count are known as hitters counts because the pitcher needs to throw a strike or risk walking the batter, when the count reaches either of those pay attention, because the hitters going to be looking for his perfect pitch and there's probably going to be some action on the field. 0-1, 0-2, and 1-2 are pitcher's counts, look for curveball, slider or other somewhat nasty pitch to be thrown to get the batter to swing at a bad pitch, or a fastball inside to catch them off guard. If you have any questions about this, go ahead and ask in an around the horn thread.

Where to watch highlights and game recaps.

There are many many places to see highlights and game recaps, this is not an exhaustive list, but is a good start.
For highlights, bigger highlights will often be posed here on baseball a few minutes after they occur, if you wish to post them please familiarize yourself with the subreddit rules. They also appear relatively quickly on MLB.com in each games Gameday area. For a pretty slick collection of highlights from across MLB, https://baseball.theate is a great place to exclusively watch highlights.
There are a few ways to get great game recaps. If you have MLB Network, every day Quick Pitch is an hour-long show that recaps every game from the previous day. It usually starts after MLB Tonight (about 10pm EDT) or whatever game MLB Network is showing finishes up, and runs until 10am EDT the next day. MLB.com also puts out recaps of every game by the next morning, usually a 2-5 minutes quick rundown of highlights that can be found on the game recap. It also puts out Fastcast videos on youtube and their website every morning which has a brief rundown of all the games from the previous day. Here's an example of a Fastcast from two seasons ago.
If you want one concise place to see most of these, efitz11 was amazing last season and posted video links to every game recap and fastcast in the daily Around the Horn thread. Here's an example. I am unsure if they plan to continue it this year, but it would be surely appreciated!

TL;DR Finding what you enjoy about the game.

When it boils down to it, baseball is about finding entertainment and enjoyment, and don't let anyone try to tell you how to enjoy baseball. If you want nothing to do with statistical analysis and just want to enjoy what's going on on the field, don't let anyone tell you you aren't enough of a fan, and if you want to dissect a player into their strengths and components using statcast and advanced metrics don't let anyone tell you you're reading into the game too much. You can follow one team, and only one team, or you can follow multiple teams, don't let anyone tell you you're not a true fan for wearing another team's gear or enjoying their games. You might enjoy bat flips and flamboyance, or reserved speedy home run trots. You might not even enjoy physically watching a game (especially not if your team isn't playing), but find yourself loving keeping track of your team through the season and tracking your players or maybe just the thrill of the standings race and scoreboard watching or maybe you just love all the numbers that get thrown around and arguing about their relevancy. That's okay, eventually I believe enjoyment of the game itself will come, but even if it doesn't, the long baseball season is still creating a place of enjoyment for you, and that's what matters. If you have any questions, once again, feel free to ask them in our daily Around the Horn thread, or below in the comments, or if you really want to feel free to PM with questions and I'd be happy to answer.
So watch games this week and join in the discussion here, you'll naturally find yourself gravitating towards certain players or teams and enjoying different aspects of the game. Baseball is a long season, find what you enjoy, stick to it, dwell on it, and enjoy it.
TL;DR for the TL;DR - Baseball is fun
submitted by cardith_lorda to baseball [link] [comments]

Werewolves are Assholes: Pt 5

[F]
Werewolves are Assholes, But Vampires are Worse 1/2
So as you can imagine, at this point things weren't looking so hot for us. We had Little Missy locked up with some kind of supernatural furniture next to Mark in my garage, one of our werewolves is bed-er... toilet ridden, we have a literal hostage situation, our seasoned vampire hunter was nowhere to be found(and I'll definitely be having a talk with that secret keeping bitch about that when I see her again), and yeah... the vampires. I was definitely in way over my head. I mean I ain't gonna leave the little hoodlums to fend for themselves, but you can bet your ass I'll never have to wash a dish or dust a shelf for the rest of my life after this. Oh, and for the people asking about our cannibalistic princess and her name, well she said something about it when she asked me to write this part. She said she wants to do something like in that Brad Pitt movie where the guy telling the story never mentions their name. That girl sure likes her movies... Bless her heart.
So at this point we were still all huddled in the living room trying to figure out what we were going to do next, making our best effort to talk over the dual barrage of obscenities spilling out from the garage. Finally we agreed to close the door for a minute and let them tucker themselves out.
"Ok, Wolf Boy, ideas." I said once I closed the door and walked back into the room with everyone else.
"I... Um... We might be screwed." Milo says in response.
That was followed by a mild uproar from everyone in attendance. Likely not what they wanted to hear from the only one in the room even half familiar with all this nonsense. I managed to get everyone quieted down about the time Jasmine started to pick up another heavy object to bash Milo with again.
"Alright alright! Everyone just calm the hell down!" I hollered over the ruckus. "Listen sugar, you gotta chill. It ain't that boy's fault he's simple." I said to Jasmine while I took the marble elephant statue out of her hands. "And this was expensive. Try to go for something cheap next time."
About that time Trey spoke up. "Ok, so we have to do something. We damn sure can't leave her in there like that." He said, pointing towards the garage where some muffled commotion could still be heard.
"And what the hell is it we're supposed to do?!" Joannah commented back.
Trey started to answer but Dex beat him to it. "What ever we can!" He shouted. "Not to mention that guy's still in there with plugs missing from him all over the place. And I don't know about you but if I have to clean up one more pile of Mark-shit, him or me one is gonna die."
About this time the sun was already up. And about mid argument we all stopped and turned when we heard the stairs creak as Teagan came down.
"What is all these noise and screams?" She said in that darling broken English of hers. She looked an absolute mess. Poor girl looked like death eating a cracker.
"Oh sweetie you don't need to worry about all that right now." I said about the same time Milo said,
"What are you doing down here? You should go rest some more. I'll come up and tell you everything in a little w-" But she cut him off.
"NO! You will tell me now!" She demanded. "Somebody drop the peas."
"Beans." Dex said. "It's spill the beans."
"What?" Teagan asked. "Who has spilled beans?"
"No no, I was just... The expression is to spill the beans." He tried to explain.
"Why did you spill beans? Have you cleaned them? Why would you leave such mess?" She scolded. "You go clean these beans."
Milo was now off in a corner with his face buried in his palms in embarrassment, Dex made his way into the kitchen long enough to fake clean imaginary beans and return to the living room with everyone else. "Ok, fuck all of you for not helping me out with that." He said.
Then we got Teagan up to speed on everything that happened since she went up stairs, down to the little metal thing that just saved all our asses. As you might imagine, she was a tad... distraught.
"WHAT?! YOU HAVE HER LOCKED LIKE SOME ANIMAL?!" She screamed before turning to make for the garage.
"NO NO!" Milo stopped her. "We're trying to let her wear herself out for a while to see if that calms her down a little."
"NO! I must go to help h-" She stopped as long, low, growl roared across the room from Teagan's... stomach. "Oh no!" She groaned before grabbing her gut and dashing up the stairs like lightning. A few seconds later we all heard the bathroom door slam shut.
We all turned to look at Milo again.
"...... Werewolf.... stuff." He said quietly, suddenly forcing us all to recall the phrase that near traumatized us all about a week ago... "Had to poop out my werewolf arm."
"Yeah... What goes up must come down, what goes in... must come out." He explained in his own kinda way. "It's hard on the body to do what she did. Didn't have enough food stored for mass so when she changed it took till there wasn't anything left to take. Now her body is trying to get rid of everything that isn't mostly human, which doesn't leave her with much. That's why she's so bad off right now."
"The poor girl..." Lesley murmured softly.
"She's made it through the worst of it." Milo reassured her.
"So... does the "out" part get worse too when you change all the way?" Dex asked.
"That's disgusting!" Joannah exclaimed. "Why would you ask that?!"
And as you can all imagine, Joannah's revulsion at the question only served to excite Milo's enthusiasm to answer.
"Define worse." Milo said with a grin.
"What do you mean?" Dex questioned.
"Well I mean worse for who? The one doing it... or whoever has to deal with the aftermath?" He smiled even bigger in Joannah's direction causing her to wince. "When we're fully transformed we're also in a lot better shape when we change back, but what comes out, well... you guys ever seen Jurassic Park?"
It took us a second before we collectively groaned "Oh my god!"
"I mean now Teagan, she's a proper lady about it. Usually brings some toilet paper and finds her a secluded spot away from civilization and innocent human beings and takes care of it there." He went on.
"Annnd... what do you do? To ask a question I don't really think I want answered." Trey said.
"Ah, well ya see I like to find the nearest construction site and just unleash hell on some poor, unsuspecting port-a-john. Then I like to hide and wait around for the first person to open the door. One guy actually started crying. It was great." Milo bragged.
And there we were, in the middle of my house, having an in depth conversation about werewolf shit. Somebody stop the merry go round. I want off...
Nobody went back to sleep. We all stayed up and discussed what we was gonna do now, to little success. After a while me, Trey, and Milo went to the kitchen to start making some food for the recovering Teagan upstairs, who Lesley, Dex, Jasmine and Joannah were with. We'd finish making something and one of them would come down long enough to snatch it up and take it to her.
After a while Trey and Milo got to chatting.
"So how'd you and her meet?" Milo asked Trey, inquiring about the rabid shit head on lockdown in the garage.
"Met in college." He answered. "Same economics class. Actually, the first conversation we ever had was her asking me out."
Milo slammed his hand down hard on the table. "WHAT?!!" He yelled.
"Yeah, we even went on a couple of dates way back." Trey laughed. "Once we even... held hands."
"You dated... HER?" Milo asked, pointing towards the garage.
"Well yeah. I mean she's not so bad all the time and she's cute, in an "I might stab you in your sleep" kind of way." Trey replied.
"Oh my god..." Milo said, leaning back in his chair to look around the corner. "You're right. She's... cute. What the hell?"
"But I thought she was-" Milo started.
"A lesbian?" I interrupted. "Well I get how you might think that. She does mostly bat for the away team but I catch her looking at the fellas every now and then. I try not to label them kinds of things. That way nobody feels pressured to stay inside a box. Let people hump whoever they wanna hump I say."
"But you let people call you Gay Jake." Milo says.
"That's cause I'm queer as a three dollar bill sweety. Don't want nothing to do with any vagina. They creep me right ass out. They look like them face things from the alien movie. You ever make eye contact with one? Looks like something's gonna try to jump out and get ya." I explain, likely a little more vividly than entirely necessary.
"Mmkay..." Milo says slowly, somewhat cringing. "What about the others? How'd they all meet?"
"Well Joannah is kinda new to all this. I met her at the mall where she worked and we'd only been dating for about a week before we... met you." Trey answered.
"Yeah, and Dex was already living here when I brought Shit Head in." I added.
"Wait, Dex lived here too? Why?" Milo asked.
"That boy had his problems too. I had a lot troubled kids through here over the years. Dex had him a fondness for opioids which led him to a fondness for heroin. So he ended up here in a similar way. He was cleaned up and getting back on his feet about the time that little hellion came." I said.
"Then what?" Milo asked, scooting forward in his seat.
"Oh she bullied the piss out of the poor boy." I told him. "But that boy stayed and took it all and never complained not the first time. And I'd tell him, I'd say "Why you let her do you like that?" and he'd just smile and say that he could see how much pent up anger she had, and that she was dealing with it the only way she knew how. Bless that boy's heart, he hung in there till the bitter end to where one day she just snapped, and all the guilt of every time she'd smack him or push him or call him some horrible name or break something of his hit her all and once."
"And then what?" Milo asked almost standing up off his chair.
"She did something a hadn't ever seen her do up to that point. She apologized. Hell, after that you'd hardly see them apart really. I don't think she would have recovered as well if he wasn't around like he was. I think they been best friends ever since then." I explained. "I been catching him peeking into the garage on his way back upstairs every time he comes down to get Teagan's food."
After that conversation I'd catch Milo and Dex making their way from the kitchen to the garage to Teagan's room side by side. I mean most of the time it was just long enough to let a pressure wave of obscenities burst through the opening, but they were making the effort just the same. An now let me tell y'all, this next part just 'bout broke my little heart.
Later that night I went to poke my head in the garage real quick and oh my goodness. I found Milo and Dex both sitting on the cold concrete floor. Dex was out like a light lean't up against the wall, but Milo had brought a laptop downstairs and had it open and playing her favorite movies for her. Every now and then he'd catch Mark trying to watch so he'd pick something random off the floor and throw it at him saying "NO! You don't get to watch." Which would cause our predatory princess to crack an evil little giggle each time.
Now don't get me wrong, I still wasn't going to get in range of her chompers, but this was the calmest she'd been so far. I stuck my head in just a little and asked Milo if he needed anything.
"Nah, Teagan passed out from the itus a while ago so I figured I'd hang down here with Jaws and the Fecal Phenom over there and keep her company." He answered.
"Hey... Is that HER laptop?" I asked. "How'd you get into that? She keeps it locked up like Fort Knox."
"Well... at first she said she'd open it for me. But when I tried to hand it to her... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..." He turned to show me a mouth sized section of his right sleeve missing with what was apparently dried blood around the edges. "So I had to figure it out myself. Wasn't too hard. Turns out it was bobbys idgets. All one word."
"Boy, you gotta tell me, are you an idiot or a genius? I gotta know." I finally broke down and asked him what we was all thinking.
"Exactly." He answered with a wink and turned back to the screen.
That boy makes me tired I swear to god. He's lucky he's cute.
We all gathered back up in the kitchen later the next day to resume our figuring. Like you might expect we didn't get too awful far at all. That is, not until Teagan finally made her way down stairs in relatively better conditon. And that's cause when he saw her, Dex went to say hi and wave to her, which made him drop that gun-shaped knife thing of his. Which THEN thunked tip first right into my hardwood floor.
"Oh damn it boy! Y'all are steady fucking up my whole house!" I barked.
But about that time Milo got this strange look on his face.
"Hey Teag... HEY! HEY!!" He yelled. "Teagan! That guy who made these things!" He said, yanking the cutlery from MY HARDWOOD FLOOR. "Maybe he knows something about what we can do to help her!"
"HOLY SHIT!! BANG RATTLE" Sounded from over near the fridge where Jasmine had been pilfering around for food. "Oh god... Oh god..." She groaned, holding her head as she slowly shuffled over to the table.
"Oh honey... Your poor head. Are you alright?" I tried to ask but she just held a finger up at me.
"Mm. M-mmm..." She mumbled, trying to hold still as much as possible until she was able to take a deep breath and talk again. "Do... Do you think that would work?" She asked Milo.
"It's worth a shot. We should at least try. Teag, do you have any contact info from him or anything? What was his name." He said.
"No. I am sorry, but we did not get it before we leave." She said. "But I am thinking his name was Hephaestus. He says to call him Hep also."
To spare you some boring dialogue, in about 30 seconds that idiot savant had found him on... fucking Facebook. Turns out he's pretty easy to get in touch with through his day job not making vampire fighting equipment. About another 30 seconds later we all gathered around the phone set to speaker as it rang.
The other end clicked and someone on the other side answered, "HELLO! If this is the IRS I already told you to suck my ass."
"That is the strange Tony person." Teagan whispered.
"Um yeah hi. I think I'll take a rain check on the ass sucking." Milo replied, causing everyone else to chuckle. "Any chance we can chat with Hep real quick?"
"Oh shit! Right right!" The Tony man said. "Gimme a second." We then heard him say something with the phone way from his face that sounded like "Here. Run this out to him." Followed by the familiar sound of metal tinking and the sound of some kind of power tool getting louder in the distance.
"Heeeello! You got Hep!" Another voice answered.
"YES HELLO!" Milo said loudly. "Hi yeah, my friend and my wife just left your place a few days ago. You remember?"
"Wait! You two are married?!" Lesley shrieked. "Really?!"
Milo and Teagan both held up their left hands showing off a small black band tattooed around both of their ring fingers that apparently none of us noticed before.
"AWWW! That's adorable!" Jasmine and Lesley both cooed in unison, causing Joannah to groan in disgust.
"We got married in Romania... In Vlad's castle. It was the last thing I used my inheritance money on other than the plane tickets back here." He said with a big, proud grin.
"That is just beautiful." The voice in the phone spoke up, causing us all the jump a little. "Yeah, still here guys." The man said.
"Oh right..." Milo says back into the phone. "Uh, so we kinda have a situation."
"Your buddy went psycho and tried to eat someone?" The voice interjected.
"I... Yeah. How'd you know?" Milo asked him.
"I had a hunch that things might go tits up with your girl in the garage over there. Guess my little friend was helpful after all." The man said, making us all lean back away from the phone.
"How... do you know she's in the gargage?" Milo said, joining the rest of us in looking around the room suspiciously.
"Don't worry about it." The man said, increasing our worry. "Now what do you need from me?"
"Well..." Milo answered, "We were hoping you'd know how to fix her... or something."
"....... I do not. BUT," He continued, "I think if there is a way, I know the people who would know. I'm going to give you their number. Just tell them Hephaestus told you to call. That should get them talking."
Then he gave us the number to call, wished us luck, and hung up. We didn't waste a second dialing the new number. We sat the phone back down on the table and circled around again, listening to the ring.
CLICK "Worst Hotel, front desk! Who the fuck is this?!" A voice shouted through the speaker.
We all looked around at each other, all seemingly collectively thinking that the art of answering the phone has really taken a dive.
"Uh hi, my name is Milo and I was told to call by Hephaestus! Who the fuck is this?!" Milo shouted back.
"Ugh... God damn it. I hate taking these. Jesus what a day... Hello my name is Lezley. How can I help you today?" The man says.
"Oh my god my name's Lesley too!" Lesley chirps excitedly.
"Like O... M... G! Do you like... wanna totally be BFFs and like have sleepovers and talk about all the cute boys on the football team and like do each other's nails and stuff?!" The man on the phone said in the most heavily condescending tone I think any of us ever heard.
"Asshole..." Lesley whispered to herself before walking away from the table.
"What the hell do you people want?" The man asked.
"Our friend is a half vampire, werewolf thing, I think, and she's trying to eat us." Milo says into the phone. "We need to know how to fix her."
"An orichalcum infused weapon to the head or the heart ought to fix her." The man replies, sending Jasmine into a shit fit.
"Uh, no can do good buddy. We're going to need her alive." Milo said once we got Jasmine settled back down.
"UGHHH!! Ok god! You said she's trying to eat people yeah?" He asks.
"Yeah, that's right. She bit a chunk out of our hosta-er... Out of Mark. Ate his finger too." Milo answers.
"Jesus. Have any of you EVER watched a vampire movie? What do vampires need?" The man asks in the same condescending tone.
""Blood?" Milo half answers half asks.
"Yes blood dumbass! And what happens when they don't get what they need for a while? They flip the fuck out! So... how about... and hear me out hear... YOU GET HER SOME GOD DAMN BLOOD!" The man yells at us.
"So... we just go in there and give her some of our blood?" Dex asks. "That's easy enough."
"No you jackass!" The man barks at him. "Not unless you want her to bite a chunk out of your stupid neck! Ok look... You idiots obviously can't be trusted to think this through yourselves, so here it is. Right now you need to find a way to slide her a BIG bucket of FRESH and COMPLETELY HUMAN blood. If she's only half vampire, however the fuck THAT happened, then she'll probably only need a small amount every now and then. Regular food should work most of the time. Pure vampires get their nutrition from liquefying the entire body and sucking that up. If she doesn't have the ostial-dentitions you see on regular ones, and her tongue isn't partially bifurcated, then she's probably get most of her nutrition from regular sourses. And once she's calmed down you'll be able to donate to her directly, but unless you want her to tear you a new asshole, right now you need to find some way to get her the blood while she's all bitey and shit. This is just how she is now. You don't fix werewolf and you don't fix vampire. Deal with it. God I feel like I'm just hear to explain shit to people all the damn time. CLICK"
And with that the guy hung up, leaving us all looking at the black screen in silence. After about 30 seconds of gazing into the touch screen void Jasmine finally broke the quiet.
"I guess we need human blood." She says.
Milo responds, "What a coincidence! I know someone who has some to spare!", grabbing a metal turkey baster syringe and a large tup-a-ware bowl before starting for the garage with a spring in his step.
"WHAT THE FUCK YOU PSYCHOPATH?!" Joannah shrieked at the top of her lungs, stepping in front of Milo with her arms spread, blocking his way.
"What?" Milo questioned with the most bullshit feigned innocent tone possible.
As y'all can imagine, that didn't go well and the rest of us damn near had to break up a fist fight. After we got them two cooled down... about 30 minutes later... we started figuring on how we was supposed to come by a heap of fresh human blood. Long story short, it's pretty obvious a blood bank would have something to do with our solution, but we sat around for hours trying to come up with a heist game plan before that lovable moron Milo said something I still ain't sure was smart or dumb. But I gotta admit, didn't none of us think of it.
"Why don't we just run in, grab it, and run back out?" He asked us all, sitting up from where he had been laying down on the floor.
"What are you talking about?" Trey asked him.
"I was just thinking, how many people try to steal blood from a blood bank? It's not like they keep that shit in a vault with a bunch of armed guards and stuff right?" Milo explained, which actually started making some kinda sense.
So we all decided, we was gonna smash and grab a blood bank. We found one a respectable ways away online first, then we had to decide who was going.
"I'm thinking Milo." Trey said. "I mean if something does go to shit and he gets shot he can heal. We can't."
Everyone seemed to agree, then Teagan spoke up. "Then someone will have to also go with him." She said.
"Why's that honey?" I asked her.
"Teag n-!" Milo started but Teagan said it before he could stop her.
"Because Milo does not know how to do the driving." She said.
"THANK... YOU... TEAGAN! Thank... you..." Milo says loudly.
"HAHAHA! Oh my god you don't know how to drive?!" Joannah cackled mockingly at the poor boy, who's head was now hidden down in his arms.
"HEY! You behave you little shit." I scolded her. "It's ok sugar. We ain't gonna judge you none here." I comforted him, secretly taking out my little note pad and putting a check under the stupid section of the smart/stupid tally I had been keeping of him through the day.
Anyway, I ended up volunteering to drive the little hoodlum cause I had a dummy plate for my Wrangler that weren't nobody looking for and that don't trace back to my house. And once the next day rolled around we were ready to get wild. We figured sooner was better than later to get our situation somewhat stabilized again. Plus we figured the more time we had to think about it the more likely we were to come to our senses and chicken out.
submitted by joshuawaggoner90 to DrCreepensVault [link] [comments]

Some observations and tips that MAY help someone (trying to be positive here)

Iam 825 +- player, like in Pes 19 - Iam not really a veteran, played PES 16 on PC (that was really bad), than PES 19 and now PES 20. I think my ranking really reflects my skill in the game. I play PA 1 and basic shooting (dont hang me please). In this post, I will try to write which things work for me and which dont. Its like a "guide" from a newbie to a newbie and also how to battle momentum and how I see it.
Before I start, the so called scripting and momentum - I believe momentum is in the game - scripting - Iam not that sure. I think I see the most BS happens when playing lower players, BUT, these game are usually full of lag anyway (in matchday), where every player is on TOP form - matchday like this week - when every player is on MEDIUM form, it is like a blessing - I feel like momentum is connected to the form in a bigger way than people think or notice - that means normal myclub is riddled with small nuances and situations of, lets say, dmf with low form vs cmf on up form - my vieira is a god on up form, same as Ndidi, I didnt even have to "control them" as much, whereas on low form they are like lost in time and space. But I wouldnt call that scripting - it was always my (poor) decision to play them. Its just a notion when you feel your top player makes a bad pass - the opponents player might be on better form and creates "aura" around him that overwrites your players decision in a way (thats what I believe anyway). To battle this, I ALWAYS try to have as many A-B players as I can, even if they are worse. (yesterday I played 250 rated guy in matchday and won 1/0 after 5 post hits - this is the match where I felt I was in disadvantage, BUT, also - the lag was there. I would say LAG makes the game feel more "annoying" than it would really be). On the other hand - I played my fourth and fifth game in a row in Brazil teams match day - and I beat both players almost without problems or momentum (just a bit of it until one of those scored first, after that - nothing). Thats just to support that FORM of players make the momentum HUGE as it makes them SUPER SAYAN if your players are on medium form.
Secondly, after trying some managers, I found one Iam confident with. I feel people really, REALLY underestimate the importantce of manager. If you want your players to run forward in every situation, use counter attacking manager. If you want your players to return to defence, play All out defence and compact formation. If you want to have less space between midfield and cbs, drag your midfield to them and your defence to your cmfs. The cmfs will still leave space behind and still attack, but it will shorten the middle defence gap if you have a dmf. Also, if you play three defenders, you can be really exploited if you are going wide defending - not only through the middle, but also from the wings, if the opponent plays with wingers. Even weaker player can exploit that - anyone with brain can - if you make a mistake, you dont need to be 1100 ranked player to use it. PS: you need to play A LOT of games for manager to even get the spirit high - the players play VERY differently without the spirit up (and imagine them with low form together with that). Also - with some managers, I experienced A LOT late minute goals - but then there are those you are better with, not so easily exploited, and the number went down. You can feel the difference with every manager you play - a lot of variables to just say its momentum or scripting when you lose (Id rather call it bad programming and the ignorance of real servers that cause lag which causes general delay in everything). Its when your defender cant kick the ball in time and you get robbed by pressure (to me, this happened mostly when the game was laggy or my team spirit wasnt high, but can be connected to bad form, too).
DMFs are also super important - like in real life. Anchormen are the best of the best to defend ping pong - and when you use pressure with other defender, you can use anchor to cut passing lanes more easily. I use Vieira there (or Ndidi when he was on A form) even if he is destroyer - with defensive and anchoring instruction, you can make anchorman from ANY player. What I noticed here was that when I used Guendouzi, who is anchor BUT cmf, the compactness of my WHOLE midfield went outside the window. On the other hand, Vieira as cmf on the side felt not up to his potential, too. Dont play players off their TOP position if you really dont need to. IT SHOWS. And I dont know why people are against a little bit of defensive play without frontline pressure - this strategy usually leaves the defence open to possession play, passes and shots from outside the box. So many teams actually play defensively before they try to do anything - to feel the opponent a bit. You need to be patient both defensively and offensively.
Use players you are comfortable with - the shooting style definitely needs to be experienced to be sure when and how to shoot with each guy - in PES 19, I ccouldnt score with AUBA to save my life, so I stopped playing him all together. Many felt he was a GOAT. Learn when to shoot with power and when to shoot with precision. Also, weak foot place HUGE role, also when passing with someone who sucks at passing, like Lukaku, who cant pass with his right foot at all. Play players you have learnt to know what to expect of them - dont just play players because of their rating. If they dont work, change them. I loved my Llortente the week he was on A form - as a super-sub, he played like Spanish Ibra. He was a target man, now I look forward to try others target men (like silmani, he was also very good) or dummy runners. Try to use left footed strikers and wingers that cut inside for better shots.
Substitute your defenders - when the "momentum" kicks in in the last ten or so minutes (even if you are 2 up), and you have fresh one or two defenders, it SHOWS. Use your super subs - I feel super subs kinda battle the bad form with their super sub skill - so I use them even if the arrow is facing down and I need them.
ALWAYS BLAME YOURSELF for EVERYTHING even if it was not your fault. Thats how you can spot your mistake and TRY to avoid it next time. I wrote try - because it will never be automatic at first and you will repeat the mistake over and over until you really get it into your sub-conciou self to avoid it.
I dont know if all of this makes any sense or if I just wrote stuff that is generally known - but - I was sad how negative almost everyone around this game is on this forum (and I bet if they buff skillmoves, it will be negative in the other way - that they are too op and real football is not won just by spamming la croqueta) so I wrote this stuff while simming with my white balls. I mean white ball players.
submitted by Zel4sh to WEPES [link] [comments]

Your 2019 Season Survival Guide and New Fan Introduction to Baseball

Welcome to the 2020 MLB Season! We are so glad you are here. Don't let the length of this post scare you, we just wanted to consolidate all the relevant information that people have questions about into one place to start the season off. This is your survival guide for the 2020 season, it should have all the pertinent information to answer most of your questions!
If you are a brand new fan I'd recommend going through most of it, if you're a veteran you'll know which sections you'll want to read by their headings. My goal here is that both new and returning fans can learn how to better enjoy the season and know what's going on on Baseball this year. Okay, take some time and read through what you want to read through below!
This is the fourth year of doing this. Every year I go through the previous years comments to find things that should be added or corrected for the next edition, so if you have any great resources or information that you think would be beneficial to add, please comment it below!
Sections:

Introduction for new and renewed interest fans.

Baseball normally has a long season. I don't just mean that in terms of time between opening day and the World Series (which can be considered long as it is), but also the 162 games played in 183 days, 18-20 times against the same 4 teams each. It can be daunting, and many people lose interest by "the dog days" of June and July. This year things are going to be a little different. With only 60 games on the schedule (assuming we make it through without a major clubhouse covid outbreak that cancels games versus that team) every game is going to matter about 3x as much as one in a normal regular season. Tensions will be high, but we might not feel it because there won't be that much crowd noise. THAT SAID - they're still playing 60 games in 66 days, which means almost every day for the next two months isn't just packed with baseball, they're packed with YOUR FAVORITE TEAMS baseball, which while exciting after months without any American sports in the regular season (MLS - a tournament is not the regular season) can end up feeling overwhelming when you just finished watching a late game go into extras then wake up to realize there's an afternoon game on in six hours.
This guide is meant to help you if you wish to avoid being one of those who feels overwhelmed and loses interest a couple weeks after Opening Day.
First and foremost if you are a new fan or newly returning, you must remember one thing: you do not need to watch every game. Many football fans, and even some basketball and hockey fans, find this difficult, they're used to setting aside a few nights a week to watch their team, and they can watch all the games. Baseball isn't like that. For the next two months, your team will only have 6 days where they won't be playing a game. And some of the games they play will start as early as 9:20am (Pacific Time), others will end after 1am (Eastern Time). If you miss a game it's okay, odds are there's another one tomorrow. If you miss a week, no big deal, hell if you get busy for a few months and aren't able to watch you team, that's not an issue, because you can still follow your team.
Baseball is a game to be followed. In the old days it meant picking up the morning paper and checking the box scores. Now it means being able to have a final score texted/tweeted/messaged/emailed/what-evered to you the minute the game ends, or rolling over in bed when you can't sleep and grabbing your phone to check the West Coast scores. It means being able to check reddit in the morning to see any breaking news from across the league, or catch a story you missed. We live in a time where you can go to MLB.com and get a recap of every game from last night in less than 10 minutes. Honestly, baseball was made to be consumed, and the technology age makes it easier than ever, whether you want to spend hours every day pouring over stats and analysis, or 15 seconds to see how your team and their playoff rivals did today.
The rest of this guide is mostly dedicated to ways that you can help yourself follow your team, and if you have time follow the entirety of MLB.
Anyways, enough rambling, TL;DR Don't worry if you miss games, there'll be one tomorrow.

Finding a Team

I always recommend following the local team since you'll have more access to news about them in the local media and should be able to get their radio broadcast, as well as TV broadcasts of them if you have cable/satellite/streaming, and depending on where you're at the occasional over the air game, but if you don't live by a team or don't want to follow the local team, or are just looking for a second team to follow, I wrote this in depth guide to picking a team that's the right fit for you.

Knowing Where Different Teams Stand

Every year ESPN, Sports Illustrated, FOX, NBS, and every other sports related site puts out their season previews. These are great for getting a basic rundown of what is going on with each team, and a simple google search will bring up a plethora of possible articles to read.
If what you really want is a fans perspective on what each team's expectations condensed into a few short comments, I'd highly recommend going through each teams day from our annual "Why will X team exceed expectations?" series. All the previous posts are linked in the Dodgers thread, with the series finishing up with the Astros thread before the season starts, so stay tuned!

Baseball

Alright, so plugging baseball on baseball seems a bit redundant, but I think it's a good reminder that this is a great hub for all your MLB news throughout the season while still letting you see the occasional amazing college/minor league/foreign league performance.
During the season there are a number of features to keep you informed of all the goings on around baseball.
Every day of the season (and a portion of the offseason) we have General Discussion threads we call Around the Horn. These are great places to ask questions and discuss anything that you want to know about baseball but don't feel like it deserves it's own post. This is also a place where you may see some ridiculous comments, usually stemming from a lost bet (see Wednesdays below for more info on that.) In the Around the Horn post you'll be able to see a full schedule of what is going on around Baseball every week.
During the week we run a number of features. Please note that we are still unsure of exactly what features we will be running this year. We have added a number of new mods and some other mods (cough me included cough) are stepping back a bit this year and we haven't fully decided on what features to continue, cut, and add. Here are some examples of what was run last year.:
Monday: Power Rankings - A team of 30 fans from every team in baseball, led by masochist fearless leader kasutori_jack, releases their composite power rankings of the 30 teams. This leads to well thought out discussions and some in depth analysis, as well as salty fans crying about how their team is underrated (there may be more of the latter than the former, but it's still a great way to keep your finger on the pulse of how every team is doing).
Monday (Unofficial) - The last few years thekmanpwnudwn has posted a State of the Subreddits post that gives the top post from each team's subreddit from the last week. This is a great roundup post for staying up to date on what all the different team fandoms are feeling, and helps you catch any milestones you might have otherwise missed.
Tuesday: Weekly Awards - Led by lemcoe9 a different team of a fan from every team releases the results of their weekly (and monthly) voting for who the best position player and pitcher was since the last vote was taken. Once again, a great way to keep track of which players are on hot streaks, and who's dominating the league.
Wednesday: Got an idea? Let us know.
Thursdays: Division Discussions - We rotate between the Easts, Centrals, and Wests to do some more in depth talk about where the playoff races and teams stand. If you only have time for one baseball thread every week and want to keep up with the league, this is the thread to set aside time for.
Friday: Trash Talk/Compliment/Complaint - FRIDAYS ARE FUN DAYS, WE ROTATE BETWEEN TRASH TALK, COMPLIMENT, TRASH TALK, AND COMPLAIN THREADS! TRADITION STATES ALL COMMENTS BE IN ALL CAPS AND ENDING IN EXCLAMATION POINTS! WE ROTATE RATHER THAN HAVE A SET DAY FOR EACH ALL SEASON BECAUSE IT'S A LONG SEASON AND ANY ONE OF THE THREE THREADS CAN GET STALE FAST IF YOU DON'T LEAVE TIME FOR MORE AMMUNITION!
Saturday: Saturday is when we usually plug in occasional things that don't necessarily deserve weekly attention. Things like in depth stat discussions, memorobilia sharing, craft projects, etc.
Sunday: Game of the Week - Sunday is the one day a week where we get together as a subreddit to watch a baseball game together, since it's the one time every week where there's only one game going on and there's guaranteed to be a game. The Sunday Night Baseball game thread is usually posted a couple hours before the first pitch.
In addition the playoffs, and select premier match-ups (mostly at the very end of the season where there is a lot riding on a regular season game) we host game threads for all baseball users. These are neutral thread, for more info on less neutral ones skip to the next section. We may experiment with game threads in baseball for the MLB.tv Free Game of the Day this year.
In addition to all these features, it really is a great place to keep up with breaking news and highlights. It'll be posted here minutes after someone tweets it, and long before it's on MLB.com. Team beat writers get the stories first, and it's easier to check in here a couple times a day than follow every one of them. Plus there's something the kids are calling "dank memes" (but not too many, because us mods don't allow too much moisture to get into the servers).

Your Team's Subreddit (And other team subs as well)

The mods at baseball have one goal - help you have the best possible reddit baseball experience, and a LOT of that is helping you get connected to other fans of your team (which feels a little like a cop-out because it means less work for us if you're doing more on your team's sub, but your team's mods aren't complaining.)
One of the main draws of team subs (other than in depth discussion with like-fan-minded users, getting breaking news and analysis on your team, team-memes, and other reddit discussions that come up from a group of individuals who can agree on one thing) are game threads. At this time (to the best of my knowledge) every team sub hosts game threads for their team's games, and you can easily access them in the sidebar during the season by clicking on the team's logo in the schedule (we're working on getting that up to speed, MLB changed some parts of their RSS and background data and we've had to work around that to get our automated system back up). We like to keep the game threads in team subs for a few reasons, one of which is we want to support the team subs and send them relevant traffic when we can because they really do an amazing job, another is because with 15 games a day this place would look like crap if we had game threads for every game or let users post them as they please (we've tried it, it blots out news, discussion, and highlights and looks like crap, baseball doesn't have only a couple days set aside for games or focus on marquee match ups like many other sports, it's 2430 games played in 183 days and is better when it's spread out.)
Even if you're not a game thread person though, getting connected with a good team sub can make disappointing seasons more bearable, and great seasons more exciting, and I know plenty of users that said that their team's sub basically keeps them fans. Team subs are also a great place to get connected to...

Twitter, Podcasts, and other General News/Analysis Sources

Going to be honest here, I don't use twitter and I do not frequently read other people's blogs. I know many people do and enjoy it, and I believe the best way to find the people to follow/sites to visit that interest you the most are to hang around your team's sub and note which Tweets/Sites that are linked to that most often peak your interest. Your list of favorite baseball writers is going to be different than my favorite list, and finding the right twitter personalities, podcasts hosts, and bloggers can make game analysis more interesting for you even if your team is playing like crap and it's the middle of July.
Here are some common suggestions for some general baseball twitter accounts and podcasts to get you started, but like I said, find what you like and follow those:
Twitter
Account Account Account
@MLB @Ken_Rosenthal @Buster_ESPN
@jonmorosi @mlbtraderumors @MiLB
@JeffPassan @MLBInjuryNews @BNightengale
@keithlaw @based_ball @SamMillerBB
@jonahkeri @BaseballAmerica @brooksbaseball
@BenLindbergh @ChrisCotillo @mike_petriello
@MJ_Baumann @FanRagSports @TheAthleticMLB
@fangraphs @baseballprospectus @baseball_ref
@daynperry @CBSSportsMLB @CespedesBBQ
@GrantBrisbee @JonHeyman @cantpitch
@MLBRosterMoves @darenw @extrabaggs
Podcasts
Account Account Account
Effectively Wild Baseball Tonight The Ringer

The Statistical Titans: Baseball Reference and Fangraphs

Literally every day you will find a link or to BaseballReference.com or Fangraphs.com here, it's a given, and it's because these are the two most extensive free baseball databases that are easy to navigate. If you want to look up anything about baseball history, check Baseball Reference, if you want to look up how players stack up with non-proprietary advanced metrics or read an insightful blog post about why someone is overrated/underrated or overperforming/underperforming, check Fangraphs. With these two sites you have all the stats and figures you need to make a competent argument for basically anything you want with a little cherry picking.
A large part of the modern baseball world is statistics and you're going to find yourself getting more immersed in discussing the game if you can get a handle on all the terms getting thrown around. If you are brand new to baseball, take a little while to get to know the game before diving into these sites, but if you have a handle on the basics and are ready to know what this WAR everyone is talking about is, dive into the glossaries and find the statistics.
When you get the basics, creating your own analysis doesn't seem as daunting, and one of the reasons I love baseball is that I can deconstruct pretty much every play and find some meaning behind it. If you are like that and enjoy numbers, theoretical projections, and breaking things down into simple figures before reconstructing them into something long and beautiful, then learning the basics of sabrmetrics will make you a baseball fan for life. If, on the other hand, you just want to enjoy the game for the beautiful pastime that it is by watching, then we've got a little bit to go through...

Where to Watch? - Your TV and Streaming Guide

So a big part of baseball is, you know, actually being able to watch the games (though as I talk about at the end, it might not necessarily be the case for you, and that doesn't mean you can't enjoy baseball, skip down and see what I'm talking about in the final section).
First off, if you are looking for free games to watch, you are in luck! MLB.tv streams one game a day for free on MLB.com and Yahoo.com. These games are subject to local blackouts (details on those in the MLB.tv section) but are definitely worth watching if you're trying to see if you'll enjoy baseball, or just need a free baseball fix. Facebook is also streaming one game a week during the season for free. The other free games available are from May 18 to July 13 on Saturday night and Thursday nights in September when FOX airs games on their OTA affiliated networks. Believe it or not, TV antennas still work in most areas, and these games are free to watch. Some teams also broadcast select games on OTA networks in their region, for instance, the Yankees are airing 21 games on WPIX (which if you have cable you might have access to even if you don't live in New York!)
Okay, so now the more expensive stuff. If you have even the most basic cable package (or log in information) you probably have ESPN. ESPN airs games every Sunday Night as well as Wednesday Night and Opening Weekend. These games are also available on ESPN Go. They are also carrying the two Japan Opener games thiscoming week.
You also probably have a regional sports channel. This is where almost all of your local teams games will be aired. Here is a decent breakdown of every team and what network they are carried on.
TBS is also on even the most basic networks, they air games the final 13 Sundays of the regular season in the afternoon.
FS1 and FOX carry baseball games almost every Saturday of the season, and MLB Network carries games pretty much every day.
A list of currently scheduled national broadcasts is available here, not all games have been chosen so there will be more added to the list.
For all these networks (except for the Dodgers, Orioles, and Nationals regional networks) there are options to stream the games online provided you have cable login information for the channel. During the playoffs FS1, TBS, and MLB Network will carry most of the games, with ESPN carrying a wild card game and FOX carrying the World Series.
Now there are also streaming services that grant access to most of the previously mentioned channels:
  • Sling TV Orange package gets you ESPN, ESPN 2, and TBS.
  • Sling TV Blue package gets you FOX, FS1, FS2, TBS, and most regional sports networks.
  • Youtube TV gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, TBS, MLB Network, and some regional sports networks.
  • HULU Live gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, FS2, TBS, and your regional sports networks.
  • Playstation Vue Access gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, FS2, and TBS.
  • Playstation Vue Core adds MLB Network to the Access channels.
  • Playstation Vue Sports Extra adds regional sports networks in addition to your other channels.
  • AT&T TV Now Live a Little gets you FOX, ESPN, ESPN 2, FS1, and TBS and your regional sports networks.
  • AT&T TV Now Just Right adds MLB Network to the Live a Little channels.
  • AT&T TV Now Go Big adds FS2 to the Just Right channels.
  • FUBO Premier gets you FOX, FS1, and your regional sports networks
Also, ESPN+ will carry select games pretty much daily throughout the season.

MLB.TV - the Ultimate Fan Investment

Alright, so a few things to cover with this, first of all YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LEGALLY STREAM IN MARKET GAMES IF YOU LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES. MLB.tv uses your IP address to see where you are located, and if it pings back that you are in a team's home market it will not let you watch the game LIVE. Here is where you can find what games MLB.tv will black you out from. National broadcasts on ESPN, FOX, and TBS are also subject to blackouts within the United States (MLB Network games are not). Before you ask, yes there are less than legal ways to get around this (spoofing your IP address, subreddit dedicated to mlb streams, etc.), but I won't be talking about those in detail here. IF YOU ARE OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA, YOU WILL HAVE NO BLACKOUTS.
Even if you are blacked out, you will be able to watch the game 90 minutes after it finishes, so if you work a late shift or stay up late it might be worth it for you anyways even if you only want to follow one team.
Military members and college students, don't forget to apply your 35% discount!
"But I don't want to watch EVERY out of market game, I just want to watch MY team!" Cool, for $25 less there's a single team option that will allow you to watch all your team's non-blacked out games! Personally, I'd pay the extra $25 for the opportunity to watch every Kershaw, Bumgarner, and Scherzer start, or put the Cubs on in the background while working on a Friday afternoon, but to each their own.
"But I don't want to commit for a full year!" That's okay, there's a monthly option as well in case you know there are months where you can't watch as much.
Some of the fun features of MLB.tv include the ability to watch four games at once and quickly swap your audio from one to another (seriously, I'm never on commercial break when I'm watching baseball, unless there's only one game on I'm able to watch it all, and in September that's huge) and condensed games. What are condensed games? They go through and cut out all the time between pitches and innings, meaning if you want to watch a whole game in less than a half hour (or are searching desperately for a play to make a .gif or streamable out of that for some reason isn't considered a highlight) it's really easy. If you're someone who really wants to get into the game but can't figure out how to grind through watching a full game, Condensed Games are great for keeping up with a team while you learn the little details between pitches that somehow make watching the catcher twiddle his fingers exciting for some fans.
Also, new this year, MLB has added some great baseball documentaries to your MLB.tv subscription, giving you access to more than just games for the first time.
In addition, there are two great resources to enhance your total immersion into baseball if there are multiple games going on. Please note for both of these you must already be logged into MLB.tv to make them work. The first, and most basic, is Brooks Baseball's MLB.TV Redzone. It will automatically take you to the highest leverage game going on, and will automatically shift you to another game between innings OR if another game enters a higher leverage situation. For a more personalized touch, The Baseball Guage has MLB.TV Game Changer which lets you customize your preferences so MLB.tv will always switch to the game that is most relevant to you. This is great if you play fantasy and want to keep up with your players, are waiting for someone to hit a milestone, or if you want to make sure your action is broken into to follow a no-hitter in progress.
It also gives you a free subscription to...

MLB AtBat - The Most Underrated Way to Stay Connected to Baseball

MLB AtBat is MLB's official application. It comes in two versions, the free version which has ads but is useful for keeping up to date with all the scores, and the paid version ($19.99 for the year of $2.99 monthly) which gives you access to ad-free content, Gameday on your mobile device, and (most valuable) access to every team's radio stream for every game during the season and postseason completely blackout free. If there's a day game, you can bet I'm listening to it at work, if I'm mowing the lawn on a Saturday I'm listening to a game, when I can't sleep at night, on comes a West Coast game. To get the paid version you must download the free version, then subscribe within the app, or log into an MLB account that has MLB.tv.
Baseball was made to be on the radio, it's a sport that is very easy to follow the action with the right announcer. At work (or school) it's great because you can half listen, and when the announcer gets excited you can instantly tune back in to hear what's going on. This is the most underrated way to stay connected to your team throughout the year. Before I could afford MLB.tv, this was the way to go, and it honestly makes me question every year whether getting the MLB.tv package is worth is when I can get 80% of the entertainment value from listening to the games (and every year I manage to forget to unsubscribe, for many reasons listed above).
Gameday on mobile is also a great feature, it lets you quickly check in on the action during brief recesses in meetings (or under the table during meetings), or breaks between classes (or under a desk in classes). This is honestly my primary means of keeping track of Twins games throughout the year. My wife thinks I'm crazy when I could just watch the game, but instead am nervously checking my phone every couple minutes. IF I WATCH I JINX THE TEAM, HONEY!

How to watch baseball?

So this is a question that we get from many new fans who are just trying to figure out what the hell is going on and why people find this game so fascinating. I'll get the elephant in the room out of the way, yes there are some "boring" parts of watching baseball on TV. The camera fans to a batter spitting and adjusting his gloves, the pitcher adjusts his crotch then licks his fingers, random shots of a bored looking manager, etc. When you are actually at the ballpark you can be watching where the catcher and fielders set up to try to predict the pitch that is coming (read The Hidden Language of Baseball by Paul Dickson for some great insight into how to interpret this), but on TV it's not usually the case. This is where I have some suggestions for new fans trying to get into it.
First off, if you are looking for just a relaxing day, embrace the slow pace with a beer and veg out on the couch while watching. It's meant to be slow and relaxing (until it gets tense and exciting, usually with runners on). Seriously, when was the last time you just sat and did nothing? Mid July afternoon games are a perfect way to reach that zen of half-consciousness, until something happens to get you sucked into the action.
Another option to stay engaged is keeping score. I find keeping score relaxing and looking back through a scorebook can be fun to see what you were doing a few years ago (except for that damn unfinished scorecard from 2015 where A-Rod hit the most predictable home run in Twins-Yankees history and I sent my scorecard flying to the other side of the room). As NPR once put it, keeping score is a knowledge making activity, and if you have the time and patience for it it is a great way to learn the game. There are a couple different guides to keeping score, and most scorebooks/cards will have a brief example of how to do so. If you have any questions, the Around the Horn thread is a great place to ask!
Gamethreads are another way to get together with other baseball fans and pass the time between pitches, especially in team subs you get to know the regulars and conversations start to wonder away from baseball at times throughout the game, and that's fine. Baseball is an excuse to enjoy a summer day.
For those that want to actually understand what is going on during that time, though, there are some options. Watching Baseball Smarter by Zack Hample (who despite his reputation on this subreddit knows some stuff and actually pops in from time to time to comment on different things) is a good starting place for new fans. Baseball for Dummies and The Complete Idiots Guide to Baseball are also good starting points for those willing to sit and read for a little bit.
For those who don't want to read a book, I guess I can touch on what I'm looking for between pitches. A big part of baseball is pitch selection, so scouting out a pitchers repertoire of pitches is a good starting point, BrooksBaseball.net has great cheat sheets on every pitcher in the game, and PitcherList.com has a visual example of each pitcher's pitches so you can see what you can be looking for. Anyways, I mention that because the whole reason the catcher is twiddling his fingers behind the plate is to go over with the pitcher what pitch is going to be thrown. What I'm watching for between pitches is where the catcher is setting up behind the plate and guessing which pitch is going to be thrown. A 2-0 and 3-1 count are known as hitters counts because the pitcher needs to throw a strike or risk walking the batter, when the count reaches either of those pay attention, because the hitters going to be looking for his perfect pitch and there's probably going to be some action on the field. 0-1, 0-2, and 1-2 are pitcher's counts, look for curveball, slider or other somewhat nasty pitch to be thrown to get the batter to swing at a bad pitch, or a fastball inside to catch them off guard. If you have any questions about this, go ahead and ask in an around the horn thread.

Where to watch highlights and game recaps.

There are many many places to see highlights and game recaps, this is not an exhaustive list, but is a good start.
For highlights, bigger highlights will often be posed here on baseball a few minutes after they occur, if you wish to post them please familiarize yourself with the subreddit rules. They also appear relatively quickly on MLB.com in each games Gameday area. For a pretty slick collection of highlights from across MLB, https://baseball.theate is a great place to exclusively watch highlights.
There are a few ways to get great game recaps. If you have MLB Network, every day Quick Pitch is an hour-long show that recaps every game from the previous day. It usually starts after MLB Tonight (about 10pm EDT) or whatever game MLB Network is showing finishes up, and runs until 10am EDT the next day. MLB.com also puts out recaps of every game by the next morning, usually a 2-5 minutes quick rundown of highlights that can be found on the game recap. It also puts out Fastcast videos on youtube and their website every morning which has a brief rundown of all the games from the previous day. Here's an example of a Fastcast from last season.
If you want one concise place to see most of these, efitz11 was amazing last season and posted video links to every game recap and fastcast in the daily Around the Horn thread. Here's an example. I am unsure if they plan to continue it this year, but it would be surely appreciated!

TL;DR Finding what you enjoy about the game.

When it boils down to it, baseball is about finding entertainment and enjoyment, and don't let anyone try to tell you how to enjoy baseball. If you want nothing to do with statistical analysis and just want to enjoy what's going on on the field, don't let anyone tell you you aren't enough of a fan, and if you want to dissect a player into their strengths and components using statcast and advanced metrics don't let anyone tell you you're reading into the game too much. You can follow one team, and only one team, or you can follow multiple teams, don't let anyone tell you you're not a true fan for wearing another team's gear or enjoying their games. You might enjoy bat flips and flamboyance, or reserved speedy home run trots. You might not even enjoy physically watching a game (especially not if your team isn't playing), but find yourself loving keeping track of your team through the season and tracking your players or maybe just the thrill of the standings race and scoreboard watching or maybe you just love all the numbers that get thrown around and arguing about their relevancy. That's okay, eventually I believe enjoyment of the game itself will come, but even if it doesn't, the long baseball season is still creating a place of enjoyment for you, and that's what matters. If you have any questions, once again, feel free to ask them in our daily Around the Horn thread, or below in the comments, or if you really want to feel free to PM with questions and I'd be happy to answer.
So watch games this week and join in the discussion here, you'll naturally find yourself gravitating towards certain players or teams and enjoying different aspects of the game. Baseball is a long season, find what you enjoy, stick to it, dwell on it, and enjoy it.
TL;DR for the TL;DR - Baseball is fun
submitted by cardith_lorda to baseball [link] [comments]

During the 1920s, Bears Hall of Fame center George Trafton was called the "toughest, meanest" player by Red Grange. Trafton ruined Grange's leg on a tackle, was chased out of a city, changed how centers snapped, boxed a baseball player and a world champion, and helped coach the Packers to a title.

A while back, I published this write-up on George Trafton being chased out of Rock Island after a rather violent game and the resulting media feud. In it, I briefly mentioned Trafton’s life and my intention to expand on it in a later article.
Well, here it is. Enjoy.
The NFL has had its share of dirty and mean players, from Bill Romanowski to Ndamukong Suh to Vontaze Burfict. However, they played in an era where other players at least had the protection of a football helmet and pads. What about the league's bullies of the days when the leather helmet was still a newfangled item that not everyone wore?
Look no further than George Trafton. The Chicago native and Notre Dame center joined the Decatur Staleys during the league's inaugural season in 1920, and stayed with the team when they moved to Chicago and became the Bears. For over a decade, he served as the anchor of the Bears' offensive line, winning two championships and being named to the All-Pro Team six times, but he had a reputation. In the eyes of his peers, he was a nasty man, one who was hated by rival teams to the point where he was even chased out of a city following a game.

George Trafton: Notre Dame Star and Original Staley

Trafton was born in Chicago in 1896. In 1918, he enlisted in the Army and played for the Camp Grant football team.[1] After his discharge, he attended Notre Dame, where he was a member of the school's varsity basketball and football teams, while also running track. In 1919, he helped lead the Fighting Irish to an undefeated record and the national championship. However, his time at Notre Dame was short: during the Christmas break in 1919, it was revealed he had played professional football under a fake name, thereby forfeiting his status as an amateur athlete and rendering him ineligible to compete for Notre Dame in future sporting events.[2] Head coach Knute Rockne personally kicked him off the team.[1]
In 1920, the American Professional Football Association prepared to play its inaugural season. George Halas, player and coach of the Decatur Staleys, launched a nationwide recruiting tour to build up the roster. In addition to signing his old Illinois and Great Lakes Naval Station teammates, he decided to add Trafton.[3] As a member of the team, he was also employed as a worker at the A.E. Staley corn starch factory; on the field, the 6-foot, 207-pound center helped lead the Staleys to a 10–1–2 record and a second-place finish in the standings. He remained with the team as they moved to Chicago in 1921, helping lead them to the title that year.[4]
For the 1922 season, the Staleys rebranded to the Chicago Bears, but Trafton was unavailable. Instead, he left to become the offensive line coach at Northwestern University, where he established himself as a tough but solid coach; for example, he would have his linemen practice blocking sawdust dummies well after the rest of the team had showered.[5] Unfortunately for Trafton, he was forced to resign after just one year due to Big Ten rules prohibiting professional players from serving as coaches. Northwestern Athletic Director Dana Evans expressed unhappiness at the news but praised Trafton's work, describing him as "one of the best line coaches in the conference and a large factor in developing the 1922 Purple eleven."[6]

George Trafton: The Toughest, Meanest, Most Ornery Critter Alive

"Imagine…when I started with the Bears we had fifteen (players). You were hired to play a football game and you played it—all 60 minutes of it."
– George Trafton[7]
Once again out of a job, Trafton elected to return to the Bears in 1923, for whom he would play ten more seasons. The center who wore the very lucky number 13 created a lasting impact on the sport in various ways; for example, he was the first player to snap a ball with only one hand. He also left literal lasting impacts on his opponents.[7] In fact, Trafton admitted playing center was boring; during practice, he would often fall onto his stomach after snapping the ball. Instead, he prided himself on his defensive prowess and said, "That I loved. You could really find the action on defense."[49]
Before the 1923 season, Rock Island Independents coach Walter Flanigan unsuccessfully tried to sign Trafton and teammate, quarterback Joey Sternaman.[8] This was bizarre, considering what Trafton did during a game against the Independents in 1920...
As said in the introduction, I already wrote a piece on it, so I won't elaborate on it further here. Instead, here's a quick summary: four Rock Island players were injured in plays involving Trafton. Whether there was malice involved is not known. Either way, it pissed off Rock Island fans, who chased Trafton out of the city.[9]
At the teams' next meeting a year later, Trafton became the center of attention once again. At the time, the away team received its share of the ticket revenue in cash on the field immediately after the game. When this happened, Halas gave the money-filled envelope to Trafton.[10]
"It seemed like a prudent thing to do, because the Rock Island fans were in a characteristically unhappy mood," Halas wrote. "If they started looking for trouble, I figured Trafton would be running for his life, whereas I would have had nothing to run for except the $3,500."[10]
During another game between the Bears and Independents, he and Rock Island center Lou Kolls clashed on multiple occasions, prompting them to repeatedly commit personal fouls on one another. However, referee Bobie Cahn decided against penalizing either of them, knowing it would just slow down the game: "We figured we might as well let them kill each other."[1]

Busting the Galloping Ghost

Trafton's reputation was also noticed by his teammates. Running back Red Grange described him as "the toughest, meanest, most ornery critter alive."[1] Incidentally, Grange himself fell victim to Trafton.
In 1927, Grange's New York Yankees took on his former team, a game that ended in a 12–0 Bears win. On one play, Grange was tackled by Trafton while catching a pass and his cleat dug into the turf, twisting his knee. Trafton and other players helped carry him off the field.[11][12] While Grange remained a successful back in the years following the injury, he lost much of his speed and agility in the incident.[11]
"After it happened, I was just another halfback," he commented.[11]
The Coffin Corner tells of another story during a Bears/Packers game. When the Packers' Verne Lewellen were punting from his team's goal line, Trafton blocked it and the ball went into the end zone and was recovered for a touchdown. A peeved Lewellen asked who was responsible, to which Trafton pointed towards Bears rookie Bill Hewitt. On a later punt, also from the Packers' goal line, Green Bay decided to place more men against Hewitt. Now wide-open, Trafton charged through and blocked Lewellen's punt again, resulting in another touchdown. The Bears would win 14–10.[1]
However, this tale has some holes. There was only one 14–10 Bears/Packers game during Trafton's career, which the Packers won in 1925. Although Trafton did have a blocked punt touchdown in the game, it was not two as the story goes and, obviously, the Bears lost.[13] Hewitt's rookie season was Trafton's final (1932), and although the Bears beat the Packers in one game that year, it was 9–0 and the result of Bronko Nagurski's touchdown run, not Trafton's block.[14]
Even if the aforementioned story is likely untrue, Lewellen and Trafton had their engagements during their careers. In a 1926 game, Lewellen intercepted a Bears pass and began running; he was promptly clobbered by Trafton and had to be carried off the field.[15]
Before the 1931 season, Bears co-owner Dutch Sternaman prepared to sell his stake in the team as the Great Depression hit the NFL. Halas wanted to buy out his friend's share, but needed more money to do so, so he received loans from his mother and longtime friends Ralph Brizzolara (who would later become the Bears' acting GM during World War II), Charlie Bidwill (future Cardinals owner), Jim McMillen (a former Bear), and... Trafton's mom? Mrs. Halas, Brizzolara, Bidwill, and McMillen floated $5,000 each to Halas, while Mrs. Trafton gave him $20,000.[16][17]
Trafton retired after the 1932 season, ending his career on a high note as the Bears won the championship. He was a six-time All-Pro, a two-time league champion, and a member of the 1920s NFL All-Decade Team.

George Trafton: Not Exactly a Family Man

Off the field, Trafton had a... less than ideal family life. In fact, his first marriages ended in complete disaster.
In 1923, Trafton married Suzanne Kellington in Decatur. Three years later, it fell apart when Trafton accused her of deserting him just two months into their marriage.[18]
In 1929, Trafton tried again and wedded a woman named Alyce. After two years, Trafton sued for a divorce, accusing her of violent acts like breaking a bottle over his head, throwing a chair at him, using a carving knife against him, and kicking him repeatedly.[19] Alyce responded by calling him a gigolo.[20] The divorce was official in June.
Trafton married two more times in his life, both featuring far less drama than his previous ones.

George Trafton: Boxer

During the 1920s and 30s, boxing was one of America's premier sports, and Trafton got involved. In 1929, he fought his first match against White Sox first baseman Art Shires. Holding a 40-pound advantage over Shires, Trafton easily knocked him down twice in the first round, but Shires kept his ground during the later rounds as Trafton began experiencing signs of fatigue. Shires could not take advantage, and Trafton was eventually decided as the winner.[21]
The next day, Cubs center fielder Hack Wilson, who had originally planned to fight Shires despite resistance from his wife, canceled the $15,000 match as he felt there was no reason to take on a defeated boxer.[22]
"Why should I lick him too?"
The Tribune writer quoted Wilson as saying:
"If Shires had beaten Trafton I might have gone to Chicago and tried to talk to President [William] Veeck of the Cubs into letting me go thru with it, but there is no use in bucking the Cubs and making my wife mad just to floor a guy who was already licked."
A year later, "Supergreat" Trafton defeated Rudy Hoffman,[23] Battling Criss,[24] and Harvey Starr. Criss and Starr were both defeated by knockouts.[25]
Riding a four-match win streak into March, Trafton turned his attention to future world champion Primo Carnera. Despite skepticism from fans, especially as Carnera was much larger than him (271 pounds vs. Trafton's 229), Trafton was confident in his chances as he proclaimed, "My plans are simple. With the bell I'm after that big hunk of cheese, and then let him look out."[26]
In Kansas City, Trafton found himself quickly overwhelmed by the Italian. After being knocked down two times, he attempted to fight back before he was pummeled into a knockout.[27] Shortly after the match, Trafton was suspended by the Missouri Boxing Commission for not putting up enough of a fight against Carnera, ending his boxing career. The Commission's Kansas City representative Harry Davis commented, "To me it looked as if Trafton went down 'oth the first and second times without being hit."[28]
Although his time in the ring only lasted two years, he operated a boxing gymnasium in Chicago during the 1930s and 1940s. In 1941, he became the manager for Willie Joyce, who went on to become a successful lightweight boxer.[29][30] Trafton even had a 10% stake in Joe Louis' contract.[31]

George Trafton... Packers coach?

Trafton's Pro Football Hall of Fame bio reads, "One writer reported that Trafton was strongly disliked in every NFL city, with the exception of Green Bay and Rock Island. In those places, 'he was hated.'"[7]
Therefore, for Packers fans at the time, things must have been awkward when Trafton became the team's line coach in 1944, replacing longtime assistant Richard "Red" Smith. After his firing, Smith went to the Giants to serve as their line coach.[32]
Trafton's hiring came as the result of a meeting with Packers coach Curly Lambeau... in which Trafton called out his players for not being tough enough like in the old days. As Associated Press writer Charles Dunkley wrote:[33]
"What's wrong with that club of yours?" [Trafton] demanded.
"They don't scrap back like that old Green Bay crowd. Why, right now, in this dinner jacket, I could chase those mugs out of the park."
"You've got a job," Lambeau replied. "Show up in Green Bay August 20."
Trafton will find things a little different from the way they were back there, say in 1925, when he played 30 games in one season. The game has changed. So have the players. But not Trafton. At 47, he thinks he could do it again.
"Imagine," he says in amazement, "33 players on one squad. Why, when I started with the Bears we had 15. You were hired to play a football game and you played it—all 60 minutes of it, brother.
"That Halas used to come into the dressing room and say: 'Now, boys, this half Trafton will replace Trafton, Hunk Anderson will replace Hunk Anderson, and [Ed] Healy, you'd better replace Healy.'"
Henry J. McCormick of the Wisconsin State Journal commented on the Green Bay Press-Gazette's story on the hiring, pointing out various inaccuracies like it saying Trafton was a Notre Dame graduate. The article also added Trafton and Anderson disliked each other; McCormick didn't doubt that, but he was skeptical of the story's claim of a boxing match in which Trafton destroyed Anderson (there's a reason he was nicknamed Hunk, after all) Regardless, he wrote to "take it as a fact that Anderson didn't get along very well with Trafton, the latter being a person who never hesitated about telling any one that Trafton was the best center that ever lived."[32]
Instead, McCormick suggested there would be a grudge between Trafton and Smith:[32]
I'll also assume that Trafton and "Red" Smith won't be exactly friends; Coach "Curley" Lambeau of the Packers, another fellow who played one year at Notre Dame, fired Smith, and "Red" is going to be pretty critical of his successor.
"Red" will be helping coach the New York Giants this fall, and I imagine he won't be above having his charges give the Packer linemen the business any time the teams may meet. And you can bet your sweet life if such a thing comes to pass that Trafton will give his charges the green light for mayhem.
Just what broke up the Lambeau-Smith connection is something I wouldn't know.
[...]
In any case, the line coaching for the Packers now has been turned over to Trafton, a fellow who once was cordially hated by all Green Bay fans.
That was in the days when Trafton was playing center for the Chicago Bears, playing center and doing it about as close to the rules as anybody you can name.
Furthermore, Trafton took great delight in egging on spectators by word and deed, and there are a good many partisan spectators at Green Bay and elsewhere who can work themselves into a white hot rage without any particular stimulus from a player.
If things get a trifle dull in the professional league this year[...], they could have Trafton and Smith trade a few punches.
That shouldn't be hard to arrange. You have a certain amount of mutual dislike to start with, and there is the added fact that neither of the gentlemen named ever was caught going the other way when trouble threatened.
Well, personally, I'd much rather see them go after each other than witness a fight between any of the current crop of heavyweight boxers.
At least you'd be sure that this one was for keeps, and some of the "duration" heavyweight bouts have been open to suspicion.
Green Bay's offensive line was anchored by Buford "Baby" Ray, whom Trafton proclaimed at the start of the regular season would be the best tackle in the NFL in 1944.[34] Referring to Trafton as a "demon-man", the News-Record described the Trafton-led Packers line as a "scrappy forward wall".[35] Trafton had whipped the line into shape over the summer; in an interview with the Chicago Tribune:[36]
"To put it mildly, I was surprised when I watched the Packer linemen in action a few weeks ago[.]" [...]
"Actually," said George, in a voice that showed a narrow triumph over disbelief, "these big Packer linemen were just a group of billy goats. As far as they were concerned, their big hands were just something to use in downing a meal. They might as well have had their hands tied in back of 'em for all the good they were doing."
Then—thrusting out both of his brawny arms—"I taught 'em that these were weapons to use in a football game. Imagine this—Baby Ray, 6 feet, 6 inches tall and weighing 250 pounds—four years with Tennessee, six seasons with the Packers—was depending solely on shoulder blocks. I gave him a few pointers on use of the hands. Came the exhibition game with Boston and the Baby tore thru there, blocked a punt, picked up the ball, and stepped over a touchdown."
"And what do you think Ray said?
"This is fun!" he exclaimed to Trafton. The idea of using the hands as a potent weapon has spread to the linemen and when the Bears go up against the Packers Sunday they will not be long in noticing that something drastic has happened to those gents in the forward wall. This year Packer linemen have blocked five punts, in other years normal production for an entire season.
The Packers opened the season with a win over the Brooklyn Tigers. Next on the schedule, Trafton's Packers battled his former team in the defending champion Bears, a game that he was understandably eager for. "You know, those Bears are going to be in for a surprise Sunday," he said.[36] True to his word, Green Bay won 42–28, their first win in the rivalry since 1941.[37]
That year, Green Bay went 8–2; their only two losses were shutouts in a rematch against the Bears and — you guessed it — Red Smith's New York Giants. In the Championship Game, they took on — you guessed it — Red Smith's New York Giants. This time, the Packers got the last laugh with a 14–7 victory.[38]
Despite the successful season, Lambeau revealed Trafton had been signed to just a one-year deal, which was not renewed for 1945. Lambeau explained the team could not keep him staffed due to the era's circumstances (World War II) forcing the Packers to only have three coaches at most; including Lambeau, Hutson was an assistant coach, while Trafton's slot was filled by former Steelers head coach Walt Kiesling.[39]

The Rams and Blue Bombers

Now out of Green Bay, Trafton joined the Cleveland Rams as their OL coach on another one-year contract.[40] The Rams, playing in just their second year after returning from hiatus due to the war (4–6 in 1944), surprised many with a strong 1945 season as they went 9–1 and won the title. For Trafton, it was his second NFL championship in a row.[41]
The Rams moved to Los Angeles in 1946 and Trafton followed, the two recording another title game appearance in 1949, where they lost to the Eagles. He later served as public relations director for the Rams.[31] Yes, he had his share of clashes in LA, including getting involved in a locker room brawl during a game against the Bears in 1947.[42] Speaking of clashes, he and Rams head coach/former Bear Joe Stydahar struggled to get along, disagreeing on multiple occasions before Trafton decided to resign.[43]
Now out of the NFL, he crossed the border into Canada. Along with Halas, former Rams head coach Clark Shaugnessy gave a resounding endorsement: "If he takes one of those jobs in Canada I'll assure the fans up there that he will do a great job and furthermore I'll give him some of my new offensive plays that will electrify the football fans of our great neighbor country."[43]
After conducting interviews with various teams, he decided to become the head coach of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers on a one-year deal; Trafton replaced Frank Larson, who had been fired after losing the 1950 Grey Cup to the Toronto Argonauts.[44]
Using the T formation made famous by Shaughnessy and Halas, Trafton's team struggled with injuries in his first season. Winnipeg Free Press sports editor Maurice Smith described him as being "very well liked" by fans and media even though he was "a little loud for us conservative Canadians."[45] Amusingly, Trafton commented on the volatility of Canadian football fans in 1953:[31]
"Everybody wants to be a coach. If all these people know so much about football, then what in the H— did they bring me up here for," says the 56-year-old coach, whose language at times would make a stevedore sound like a choir boy.
"Last year, I got the club into first place. We lost the playoffs, so I got panned. This year, we pace ourselves and finish third. I still get it."
Trafton says when Bombers walloped Saskatchewan Roughriders, 43-5, in the first game of this season's two-game, total-point semi-final, "everybody climbed on the band wagon and there was no room for the driver. A week earlier, the driver had no one to talk to."
He recalls the fans "soon jumped off again" when Bombers lost the first game of the finals, 25-7, to Edmonton, but "climbed back" after Winnipeg's victory in the last two games.
"This is the greatest city for rumors and criticisms I've ever been in," Trafton claims. "Canadian football is a colorful game. There's lots to write and talk about without chasing rumors and worrying whether I sold my house or whether I'm going to get canned."
"It's the ball club that suffers by these rumors; nobody else."
That year, Winnipeg made it to the 41st Grey Cup, where they lost to the Hamilton Tiger-Cats. Despite the championship appearance, Trafton suffered the same fate as Larson, making him the fourth consecutive coach to lose his job after being defeated in the Grey Cup (all of whom were from West Division teams). As he had one year left on his contract, Trafton claimed he was fired, though general manager Karl Slocomb denied it; instead, he said that while discussing Trafton's contract, the team management committee came to a unanimous agreement that "a new man as head coach should be hired for 1954."[46] While it might seem extreme to fire a coach for losing the title game, rumors had been circulating of his departure regardless of whether Winnipeg made the Grey Cup or not.[47]
The two parties eventually settled on a deal in which Trafton would receive his full salary of $12,580 for the 1954 season, but would not coach the team that year.[48] In three seasons with the Blue Bombers, Trafton recorded a career record of 28–17–1 with playoff appearances every year. As for Trafton's successors? Former Giants protege Allie Sherman led the team for three seasons before a certain future Hall of Famer named Bud Grant took over.
Despite receiving coaching offers in the NFL, Trafton elected to stay in Winnipeg and announced his retirement with the intention of working in television. In an interview regarding his decision, he stated, "You can announce my retirement from football. I'm not saying I'm finished with coaching for good, but for the time being, at least I want to be known as having retired from the game."[50]
Trafton died in 1971 at the age of 74. Months before his death, he underwent hip surgery to treat an injury that he traced back to his playing days five decades ago.[49]
At his funeral, his pallbearers were friends and former teammates Halas, Ed Healey, and Link Lyman.[51]
submitted by ZappaOMatic to nfl [link] [comments]

Inspired by Tyler's "Expiration Crate" Video

[The screen fades in to a shot of desert road, similar to Meet the Sniper. Light flute music) plays with a soft drum accompaniment. A slow downwards pan to a crushed Bonk! can is punctured by a brass flourish. Suddenly, a Red hat truck screeches into view from the right, knocking away the can and fishtails, nearly ripping off its rear bumper. It continues down the left lane.]
[Cut to a right side view of the van. The camera pans from the rear towards the front while a heavy drum beat plays. The logo is pock-marked with bullet holes and the white paint has been scraped off the sides. The camera continues panning and steadies at the van's open air cab, revealing a sleeping Scout and the Heavy hunched over at the wheel.]
[Interior shot of the cab. The windshield has bullet holes on the left and is completely knocked out on the right. The Heavy's bulk is apparent on the left as compared to the Scout's relaxed pose with his feet on the dashboard. Fuzzy dice adorn the rear view mirror. The Heavy continues to drive the van on the right side of the road when the dashboard monitor begins to softly beep.]
[Cut to a side view of the right-hand side of the cab. The Heavy looks disapprovingly at the sleeping Scout. He returns his eyes to the road. The dashboard beeps again and the Heavy hits the Scout without taking his glance off of the road. Shaken, the Scout jerks awake.]
Scout: Gwaa! Bwaa! What?! What? Oh.
[The Scout reaches over and with his right hand, pushes a button on the monitor. It is a video call from Miss Pauling.]
Miss Pauling: Scout, it's Pauling. Tell me you got the update.
Scout: Yeah sure.
Miss Pauling: And nobody got mad?
Scout: Ehhh. [He raises his hands and shrugs his shoulders] Basically nobody.
Miss Pauling: [Her expression darkens] Scout, I'm here right now.
Scout: Well that's a funny story...
[The cab's rear door abruptly opens and the Soldier steps out, and with his right hand, hastily pushes Scout's face into his seat. The Scout throws up his hands, the Heavy is startled and momentarily loses control of the van, and the Soldier takes over the monitor.]
Soldier: [brightly] Hello, Miss Pauling! We killed everyone and got an update!
[He brandishes a BLU briefcase ]
Miss Pauling: Not everybody, Soldier. You left seven angry redditors, guys.
[A bloodied hand can be seen in the background calling Valve out for being lazy. Miss Pauling turns and shoots him with a silenced pistol. The hand collapses.]
Miss Pauling: [matter-of-factly] Six.
[The camera cuts to a rear shot of the van pulling into a dirt road flanked by rocky cliffs and several Sentries and a RED-owned building in the distance. A dead BLU soldier can be seen draped on the roof of the van. As the van drives in, a wooden prop of a cactus with some desert plants pops up and a painted curtain background falls into place, disguising the entrance.]
Miss Pauling: [she continues talking as the camera pans] Look, just don’t exploit the update okay?
[Side shot of the van rolling down a ramp and pulling into a garage. The rear bumper falls off.]
Miss Pauling: Have a good weekend guys.
[Front shot of the van pulling into the garage. A BLU Demoman's boot can be seen sticking out from underneath of the hood which has a hood ornament reading "SWORD". The Heavy looks harassed and brings the vehicle to a stop. The dead BLU soldier slides off the roof. The Heavy leaves the keys in the ignition and exits the van.]
Soldier: [his hand still covering the Scout's face] Goodbye, Miss Pauling! I'm leaving the van now. (Note: captions read "Mrs. Pauling")
[The Soldier disappears into the rear of the van and the door slides closed behind him. Cut shot to the Scout who looks relieved at the hand being removed from his face. He adjusts his hat and headset with both hands. He looks back at the door.]
Scout: Bye bye. Okay then.
[The background music stops and the van grows quiet. The Scout turns back to the monitor.]
Scout: Hey, hey Miss Pauling! Before you go. Ahh-
Miss Pauling: Uh huh?
[She is dragging a body. He stammers and scratches his face.]
Miss Pauling: [distracted] Scout? What? Say something.
Scout: [regains confidence] You're probably real busy this weekend, right?
Miss Pauling: [finished with dragging body, she stands up and wipes the dirt from her hands] Funny you should mention that. Um. Looks like I will be... locking posts all weekend. [she grabs a Fire Axe and brings her face closer to the camera] So you don't get post banned.
Scout: [stammering] Oh g-good. So...we're both busy.
[Cut to Miss Pauling on the monitor. She looks at him quizzically in silence. He returns the glance awkwardly. Suddenly a siren can be heard in the background with redditors shouting. Miss Pauling reacts and turns hurriedly from the camera.]
Miss Pauling: Oh! Got to go.
[She disappears off-camera. Muffled shots can be heard. The monitor buzzes off. Cut back to the Scout with a pained expression on his face. Side view of cab with the Scout leaning back resignedly.]
Scout: Lot of people busy with busyness. (Note: caption reads "business")
[Heavy can be seen in the background, checking the fridge's contents. The Spy walks slowly, passing front of the camera left to right, cigarette in hand.]
Spy: [smugly] Asking out that dial tone again, I see.
Scout: [sitting up and angrily gesturing] Go to hell, Spy.
[He drops his demeanor and looks dejected. He looks down, then chuckles sadly to himself. He gets out of the van. The Heavy takes a drumstick from the fridge and tosses it over his shoulder.]
[The camera pans slowly with the Scout walking left to right from the van to the table. A medium tempo jazz instrumental starts with flute, piano, and drums. He tosses the keys in the air and deftly catches them. The Soldier attempts to extricate the BLU Demoman's body from the hood of the van. The RED Demoman takes a quick spin on the Teleporter and disappears. The Heavy manages to find a Sandvich and leans contently on the fridge door and takes a bite.]
Scout: [gestures to the table which holds another Teleporter, a series 18 crate, and an ashtray] Hey, look at all this. What have you two eggheads been workin' on?
[The Medic and the Engineer are discussing something, but turn to Scout when he addresses them. The Scout tosses the keys. They both glare at him, ignoring the keys which clatter to the floor.]
Scout: Nice catch.
[The Engineer turns to the Medic. He turns to address the Scout while the Medic steps back.]
Engineer: Yeah. Listen now... We've been running some experiments on the Teleporter.
[The Engineer gestures with his head to the Teleporter. The Soldier wanders over, interested. The Heavy remains at the fridge door, eating his Sandvich, but observing.]
Engineer: Well yeah. Y'all ought to take a look at this.
[The flute continues to trill in the background. The Engineer picks up his PDA and activates the Teleporter; it starts whirring into action. The Soldier stands with his arms akimbo. Suddenly, another series 18 crate appears, silently hovering. The Heavy is somewhat intrigued, but the Soldier is utterly amazed, reaching out with both hands to grab the box. The Scout, however, is unimpressed.]
Scout: [disinterestedly while the background drum beats a steady tattoo] Wow. You can teleport hats. That is...big news. Um. Is the Demo back with the keys yet? Cause I...
[He turns back while the Medic unlocks the crate with a sickening crunch. The interior of the crate contains pulsating green unusual effects and whirling circles. The Engineer winces while the Scout yelps and throws his hands in the air. The background music stops]
Scout: Whoa! What the hell is that?!
Medic: [cheerily, gesturing slightly with a half of the pulsating cosmetic] Unusuals!
[Cut to the Heavy. He suddenly looks concerned and stops wearing his Unusual Football Helmet. He eyes it worriedly.]
Engineer: [adjusting his helmet] Y'all know what this means right?
[The Soldier suddenly grabs the Scout by the neck and slams him onto the table.]
Soldier: Arrghh! We cannot unbox crates anymore!
[He nearly chokes the Scout and raises a hand as if to punch his face. The Heavy still leans nonchalantly on the fridge door. The Engineer intervenes raising his hands.]
Engineer: Whoa! Whoa... Not exactly, Soldier. [he places his hand on the Soldier's back and smiles] You unbox as many crates as you like.
[His smile fades and he removes his helmet. Ominous sounding strings start up. The Heavy looks at his unusual, sniffs it, shrugs, and puts it back on.]
Engineer: That goes for all of ya. If there's something any of y'all wanted to do before the market...Well. Crashes. Now would be a...good time.
[Suddenly, the Spy's voice is heard. The Engineer turns. Cut to the Spy, languidly brandishing a cigarette from its case]
Spy: How long before these...100% unusuals kill the market?
Medic: Vell, let's see. [he gestures, thinking out loud.] Ve all use the market, let's say six times a day...
[Cut to the rest of the team, Scout is still rubbing his sore neck, the Soldier stands stoically, the Heavy still leans on the fridge door, Sandvich now half-eaten, and the Engineer replaces his helmet, backwards as usual. Cut back to the Medic]
Medic: Times four years. Minus...ve're not dedicated traders. Hmm.
[He turns abruptly. The Spy is startled]
Medic: Three days. Yes.
[The strings rise to a crescendo while the camera dramatically zooms to the Medic's face. Deep chimes accent the moment]
Medic: We all have three days till the market crashes.
[The strings slow then stop. Cut back to the team. The Scout and Heavy look worried while the Engineer looks down at the floor. The Soldier, confused, counts off: one, two...]
Demoman: Whooooooooo!! Woooooo!!
[He appears in a flash from the idle Teleporter. He triumphantly celebrates his arrival with a crate of keys with series 18 tags on the bow, his grenades on his vest removed to carry keys. As his wobbles precariously on the Teleporter as it slows down, we can see that he is also festively clad in a sombrero and novelty Margarita shaped sunglasses while also carrying another key]
Demoman: Woo. [he looks around at their faces] What?
[Expiration Crate Title Card]
[RED BASE: 70 HOURS TIL CRASH Cut to the RED hat building. It is now night and a lone Level 1 Sentry guards the entrance. A march-like drum beat) plays]
[Cut to a close-up of a poker table. A cigar smolders in the ashtray while the Spy unceremoniously drops a metal pail. It is filled with note cards. A literal bucket list.]
Spy: This is a crate.
[Cut to a side shot of the mercenaries at the poker table. With the Demoman on the far right in the foreground grasping his bottle, everyone else is arranged counter-clockwise from him: Pyro, Sniper, Heavy, Scout, Soldier, and Spy on the right foreground. Everyone is wearing an odd watch with a large digital display. Half-standing, the Soldier examines the bucket.]
Soldier: Dear God.
Spy: There's more.
Soldier: [astonished] No!
Spy: [ignoring him] It contains the dream unusual wishes of every man here. [turns] Scout. You did collect everyone's dream unusual wish?
Scout: Oh, you bet!
[He salutes. The Heavy slowly folds his arms.]
Spy: Excellent. Gentlemen, synchronize your market URLS.
[Cut to a close-up of the watch. Red embossing tape declares it a "CRASH WEB". The display beeps as the various mercenaries set their watches. It reads 70:00:00. 70 hours left to live and counting. Taps-like trumpet-playing is heard.]
[All the mercenaries are expressionless except for the Heavy who is on the verge of falling asleep with his arms folded. The Spy steps from the front of the table and walks from right to left, lit cigarette in his right hand, and the left firmly clasped behind his back.]
Spy: We have seventy hours to live. For most men, no time at all.
[The camera cuts to a shot of the Spy walking behind Heavy's back. The music swells from mournful to patriotic. He places a hand on the Heavy's shoulder, jerking him awake. The Heavy momentarily looks guilty.]
Spy: We are not most men.
[The Spy now walks behind the table. The camera pans to a shot showing all the mercenaries gathered around the table intently focusing on his words.]
Spy: We are tf2 players. We have the hats. The will. To make these hours count! [he gestures emphatically with his lit cigarette while the trumpets and drum beats swell]
Spy: [sudden close-up while the background music cuts off] The clock is ticking, gentlemen. Let's begin.
[Reverse shot with the bucket in the foreground. The mercenaries' expressions show varying degrees of interest. The Spy draws a note card from the bucket.]
Spy: Our first dying wish is Scout's. [he gestures] He's...
[The Spy examines the card. His brow wrinkles]
Spy: ...drawn a picture of me unboxing a tier 1 unusual.
[The drawing is somewhat crude. The tier 1 unusual is drawn in much greater detail than the Spy who is kneeling on the ground, becoming despondent with flies buzzing around the hat everywhere.]
Spy: [he peers closer] I have something radiating off of me.
Scout: Yeah, those are stink lines.
[He turns to the rest of the mercenaries in a mock whisper. The Heavy is mildly amused.]
Scout: That's why he got a shit unusual. Cause he smells.
Spy: [rolling his eyes as he draws another card] Yes I see. Here you've drawn me having...
[The camera tastefully remains on his face.]
Spy: [somewhat bemused] ...sexual congress with the crate. [he tosses it and draws another while the Scout giggles] The crate having sexual congress with me. [toss and giggle] Both of us relaxing post-coitus.
[The Demoman confusingly mouths "post-coitus" and the Scout is nearly in tears with laughter.]
Spy: [growing more irritated] I'm crying and the crate has stink lines coming off of it. [he angrily throws the card down] Did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?!
[The Heavy and Sniper are slightly amused. The Scout is near breathless with laughter.]
Scout: [giggling] Oh man, Classic Scout.
Spy: [sighing] Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.
Soldier: [pulling out a card] You did not read mine!
Spy: [another sigh] Does it say you want the unique bran bucket?
Soldier: [interrupting] Yes!
[Disgusted, the Spy slides the bucket over as the rest of the mercenaries get up to leave. The Soldier greedily grabs the pail with both hands. The camera moves to an overhead shot of the now-empty table as the Spy pulls his Cigarette Case from his jacket and draws a cigarette.]
Spy: See you all in hell. [he snaps the case shut]
[The camera switches to the mercenaries walking down a hallway. The Soldier stops and examines his new bucket next to a sign pointing to the "LAB". Mid-tempo mysterious music plays with rhythmic drums, piano, and plucked strings. The Engineer and Medic walk by pushing Teleporters and piles of unusuals on two carts to the lab. An unusual falls off of the pile and Soldier gasps and grabs his bucket more tightly. The camera spotlights the loaf with ominous bass piano notes. A grin appears on his face as he stares at the fallen unusual. The screen cuts to black.]
[SPY'S SMOKING ROOM: 58 HOURS TIL CRASH Cut to rear shot of the Spy sitting back in his leather arm chair. The room is dimly lit with moonlight and the warm glow of the fireplace. Someone knocks on his door.]
Spy: Go away.
[He flips a page and frowns. The Scout opens the door and peeks in.]
Scout: Hey, ah, you got a second?
Spy: Oh, Scout. Please. Go [bleep] yourself.
Scout: [nervously] Yeah. Hey that's, that's funny. Um. Anyway I-
[The Spy suddenly lunges towards the door, slamming it shut on Scout's body. He leans on it trying to force Scout out.]
Scout: [in pain] Wait! Wait! Wait! Ow. Come on, Spy.
[The Spy raises his knife, threateningly]
Scout: I'm wedging my head through a door here to tell you I'm sorry.
Spy: [rolls his eyes and gets off the door, light chimes and strings play] Make it quick. [he lights a cigarette]
Scout: [straightening himself out] So, I did write down a last wish. [he brings out a card] I'd uh. I'd like to give an unusual...to Miss Pauling.
Spy: [turns] You? You're terrible with unboxing decent hats.
Scout: What? No. No. Spy, look at this. And this. And this here. Spy, look at all of this. [he gestures to different hats on his body and spins around] Heh. No. I'm great with hats.
[Scene flashes back to a cheap fast food joint. Scout and a busty, blonde haired woman are standing at a counter with Ghastly Gibuses.]
Scout: We both got hats. Wanna do it?
Blonde Woman: [shrugs] Eh, okay.
[Scene switches back to Spy and Scout.]
Scout: [frantic yet hushed strings play] But you, Spy. You are amazing with Unusuals. You know, flashy ones. The kind that look good, and can shine. And that always have their effects ruin the fundamental artstyle of the game You know? The ones that don't get unboxed by a guy like me.
[Spy looks at Scout with a smug grin.]
Spy: Hmm, and why is that, do you think?
Scout: C'mon, Spy, I don't know.
Spy: Well, a mystery we will take to our graves then. Goodbye.
[Spy walks away to pour a drink. The bar has several bottles of RED wine, glasses, and a console. He selects a rocks glass to pour a hard liquor.]
Scout: Wait. Wait. Ah. [sigh] Okay. Look. Fine. Spy. This never leaves this room [sigh]. You are better than me. All right? I need your help.
[Spy stops pouring, looks up, and turns towards Scout.]
Spy: I'll do it. On one condition.
[The Spy pushes a button on the console and a microphone pops up. The camera goes from the poker table with the Demoman drinking, the Heavy and Sniper dozing, and the Pyro reading a magazine; to the Medic and Engineer in a lab, with the tumorized hat; and to Soldier carrying away a giant pile of hat loaves in his arms. All perk up to the sound of feedback on the speakers.]
Spy: Say that [pushes microphone towards Scout] again.
[The strings hold, then fade as the scene cuts to black.]
[TRAINING GYM: 51 HOURS TIL DEATH Camera slowly pans into a nearly empty gymnasium. The Scout bounces on his feet on the right, looking nervous. Behind him is a crash-test dummy, hanging on a stand. He places down a glass. Ominous bass strings play.]
[The Scout coughs and the Spy delicately places the second glass down. He pushes the cart which rolls to a stop in front of the Scout. It also holds a bucket of drumsticks, red roses, a vase, and a box of RED chocolates.]
Spy: [nonchalantly] Trade me.
[The Scout looks back, confused, and turns forward, arms akimbo.]
Scout: You?
Spy: [pointedly] Send me a trade.
Scout: What, Spy? I ain't gonna...
Spy: SEND ME A TRADE!.
Scout: [taken aback] Right! Right. Okay. [He looks down at the cart. He immediately picks up the Pyrovision Goggles and lets out a quick sigh.] Okay... [He walks up to the Spy.] H-hey there, good-lookin'... I’m selling these goggles for 2 scrap...
Spy: [He slaps the cosmetic out of Scout's hands.] I'm not one of your shitty traders! I'm a veteran! I like my hats colorful... Edgy... [Spy takes the dummy into his arms and starts dancing with it briefly before holding it in front of him.] You want to trade with me?! Earn it! Seduce me! [He uses the dummy to slap Scout across the face, who looks up at him with a hurt expression in his eyes. Spy simply looks down at him with a smug grin on his face. An upbeat, funky jazz track) starts playing.]
[The camera cuts to a shot of Spy and Scout in a classroom setting. The word INFlATION is written on the chalkboard as Spy says something to the Scout. Later, the Scout can be seen sitting at trade_hopi_plaza_v2. At the other end, the Demoman and Sniper can be seen taunting with the Piano and Saxophone, respectively. Behind him, the Pyro and Spy are holding a decent hat and a craft hat. Scout reaches for the bucket of chicken with a grin on his face, but Spy slaps his hand away. The fork flies out of his hand and lands on the Demoman's eyepatch, whose other eye immediately widens.]
[Cut back to Spy and Scout in the classroom, only this time BARTERING is written on the chalkboard. Back in the previous room, Scout can be seen awkwardly talking energetically. He points both his fingers at Spy, who merely shakes his head with disgust. The Spy proceeds to show Scout the proper way to barter, while Scout looks on in confusion. He attempts to mimic the Spy's actions, but instead sends the dummy flying into the Reel-to-Reel player behind them after getting frustrated.]
[In the classroom, the word DEMEANOR is now written on the board as the Spy continues to educate Scout, who is busy drawing a picture of Spy being shot in the head. He hits Scout in the face with the pointer, who reels back in pain.]
[Scout can be seen reading a book titled Trade Lines for Fast Food Junkies. A can of BONK! is set in front of him. Jump cut to the future, and a pile of books has begun to accumulate around Scout, who has a pencil clenched between his teeth. More cans of BONK! can be seen littered around the room, and he is now reading a book titled Trading Nice Hats. Another jump cut, and the pile of books has been turned into a makeshift throne, which the Scout, who has the Bonk Boy on, reclines in it, a more confident expression on his face.]
[Cut to the Scout back at the banquet table, and he extends his pinkie out as he holds the hat. Later, he can be seen gently kissing the hand of the dummy as the Spy watches. The Scout then can be seen bartering with the dummy. He lowers the dummy down, holding onto its back with one hand as he looks up to Spy, who nods his head in approval. The head of the dummy falls off as the music reaches a crescendo, and Spy eyes it with a bemused expression on his face. Cut to black.]
[TRAINING GYM : 2 HOURS TIL CRASH Floodlights come to life, illuminating the Scout, who is sitting in a classroom chair in the middle of a wrestling ring. After a brief delay, he raises his hand in front of him to shield his eyes from the bright lights.]
Spy: Final Question... [Cut to a shot of Spy, who is silhouetted against the floodlights.] You have a trade offer in your inventory... what do you do? [He walks across the ring, awaiting Scout's answer.]
Scout:Case the profile, run background checks on the user. Can the hat be trusted? If not, I gotta scam him. [He makes a gun formation with his right hand. Spy can be seen walking around Scout as the camera rotates around him in the opposite direction.] Dispose of the trade history, replace it with a legit trade offer no later than 4:30...
[Spy looks down at Scout, and after a few seconds of thought, speaks...]
Spy: You're ready.
Scout: [hopeful] Really?
Spy: [chucking softly] No. Everything you just said was insane... and, we are out of time. [He sets a glass of liquid in front of the Scout.] Congratulations. You're a failure.
Scout: Oh... [He stands up, bringing the desk with him. He sits back down and slides out of his chair. The Spy rolls his eyes and shakes his head in amusement.] I failed, did I?
Spy: [grinning] Yes.
Scout: Did I?
Spy: Yes...
Scout: Did I?
Spy: [Annoyed] Scout, where is this going?
Scout: Where it's going is I don't need you. I'll put this trade on myself!
Spy: [An expression of disbelief crosses his face] Yourself...?
Scout: That's right, fancy pants, myself! [The Spy's mouth twitches as he stops himself from laughing] So why don't you take your little failure, roll it up sideways, and- [The Spy taps his watch, voicelessly reminding Scout of the death watch] -Okay, crap, I gotta go... [He quickly downs the rest of his drink and begins to walk off-screen, but leans back towards the Spy.] Screw you, though... [He walks by an alarm that's labeled In Case of Update exploitation, push button. As he does so, he turns around, casually hits the button with his fist, and points at the Spy as he walks away. Klaxons start going off and red alarm lights begin flashing.]
[Fade to a shot of the Medic's Laboratory.]
[MEDIC'S LAB : 1 HOUR TIL DEATH]
[The blackboard has the results of previous teleporter experiments written on it. The camera slowly pans to the left, revealing the Engineer and Medic with a pair of teleporters set up between them. As the Medic inspects the teleporter, the Engineer calls out to him.]
Engineer: Y'all ready?
Medic: [Turning to the Engineer] Ready!
[The Engineer picks up an unusual. The tumors are now plainly visible on the outside. He sniffs it briefly, then recoils backwards, making a noise of disgust. He places the hat on the teleporter, and it disappears in a flash of light. About a second later, it reappears in front of the Medic, and looks completely normal.]
Medic: Ooh!
[The Medic leans forward with interest. The hat grows teeth and roars at the Medic, who lets out a scream of fear as the hat creature leaps at his throat and latches onto it. The Medic continues to scream as he grabs onto the hat creature and attempts to pry it off.]
Engineer: Aww hell...
[The Engineer walks off-camera as energetic drums start to play in the background. Cut to a shot of Miss Pauling on a scooter, speeding towards RED Base. A body bag and shovel can be seen strapped to the back of it. She ramps off the wooden bush and flies right through the curtain. A look of determination can be seen on her face. She comes to a stop outside a steel plate door and hops off of the scooter, shotgun in hand.]
[RED BASE : 40 MINUTES TIL DEATH]
[As Miss Pauling walks towards the door, the scooter falls onto its side. The severed hand of what is presumably the BLU Heavy falls out of one of the bags. Miss Pauling briefly turns towards the scooter, as if to set it back upright, but instead continues on towards the door. She places her back up against the wall to the left of the door and glances upwards briefly.]
Miss Pauling: [Quickly] You're ready. Alright. [She lets out a deep breath, readies the ban hammer, and pushes the door open, spinning around and bringing the hammer to Scout's head, who's waiting for her there.]
Scout: [unconvincingly] Miss Pauling. What an unexpected surprise.
Miss Pauling: They exploited the update... Don't worry, we can patch this. [She pushes past the Scout, who follows her.] We'll get it back, and the Administrator never has to know.
[A security camera tracks their movements as Miss Pauling adjusts her glasses.]
Scout: You look... You look... aahhhhhh...
[Close up of the camera, then cut to a shot of Demoman, Soldier, and Spy in a room full of monitors, watching the two interact. Spy is sitting in the chair in front of the monitors while Soldier and Demoman stand behind him.]
Demoman: DRUNK!
Soldier: Round! Soft! No, round!
Demoman: Blurry!
[The Spy shakes his head, lowers his eyes, and brings his fingers to his temple in annoyance. Cut back to Scout and Miss Pauling.]
Scout: ...Ravishing.
Miss Pauling: [Briefly glancing over at Scout] Uh-huh. You too. [Brief flash over to Spy, whose gaze returns to the monitor.] Hold on... That's the update right there... Scout, you... [She turns to Scout, then she notices something off-screen.] Scout, are we having a trade event?
[Cut to a shot of the room behind them, which is decorated with ribbons, balloons, streamers, and various themed decorations while rocking jazz music) plays. One of Medic's doves can be seen sitting in a birdcage hanging from the ceiling.]
Scout: Yeah. Nah. Yeah-ah. Well the... Yeah, the thing is...
[Cut to a shot of Soldier, Spy, and Demo watching the monitors. Soldier has a grin on his face, Demo looks concerned, and Spy looks very worried. Suddenly the Engineer bursts in through the door behind them.]
Engineer: Guys! Hey fellas, listen! It's just unusuals the economy not gonna crash!
Medic: [Appearing behind the Engineer] It's not even unusuals! It's just series 1 through 18The Engineer walks up to Soldier and Medic and places his arms around their shoulders.]
Engineer: [Laughing] So, we're fine. As long as nobody uncrates any unusuals .
Soldier: Question.
Engineer: What's your question, Soldier?
Soldier: I uncrated unusuals.
Engineer: You what?
Soldier: You told me to.
Engineer: [Threateningly] How... much...?
Soldier: [Leaning backwards] I have done nothing but uncrate unusuals all day.
[The Medic throws the jar containing the hat creature onto the ground. Shattering glass can be heard.']
Medic: Where?! [He grabs the Soldier by his coat.] Where have you been selling it?!
[An ominous rumble shakes the entire base as the group look up at the ceiling. Cut to Scout and Miss Pauling, who are also looking up at the ceiling].
Miss Pauling: Scout... you get one patch a year. And you just wasted it on-- [She looks around her, pausing mid-sentence.] --this! Goodbye!
Scout: Wait! Wait! Wait! Ah... [Scout walks towards a door labeled Dining Area.] Why don't we discuss it over dinner...? (Note: captions read "diner")[He opens the door to reveal the maw of a giant hat monster, who lets out a loud roar, all while an epic orchestra) plays.]
Miss Pauling: [Yelling] What the hell is that!?
[The hat monster crashes through the door as Scout pulls Miss Pauling out of harm's way. The two run for the exit as the hat monster lunges after them, crashing through a wall. Scout backs up as one of the tentacles swipes at him. The dove from earlier flies at the monster and is promptly eaten by it. The Scout, meanwhile, bounces off the hat monster and lands on his feet in a battle stance. He glances down to his right, and picks up a long piece of twisted metal with a spike on the end of it to use as a makeshift weapon.]
Scout: Miss Pauling, run!
[Scout motions for her to escape to safety. Miss Pauling climbs to her feet and darts away, pressing herself up against the RED payload bomb. Heavy, Medic, and Pyro rush to the aid of Scout and Miss Pauling. Heavy and Medic pause and look at the hat monster with fear in their eyes.]
Heavy: [Turning to the Medic] NOW, DOCTOR!
[Medic looks at the Heavy, then flips the handle of his Medi Gun. The healing beam latches onto the Heavy, and the Medi Gun crackles with energy as the ÜberCharge is deployed. Heavy revs his mini-gun up and walks towards the hat monster, firing his weapon. The Pyro can also be seen engulfing the monster in flames. It smashes the cliff face with a tentacle, causing rock to come tumbling down on the Heavy, who ducks to avoid it.]
[Cut to a shot of Miss Pauling watching the battle. The Pyro can be seen dashing back to the battle, having presumably been knocked back by the hat monster. Miss Pauling steps forward and turns to look at the bomb. The camera zooms in on the top of the bomb where the words DANGER: BANare spray-painted onto it. A look of realization appears on her face.]
[Cut back to the battle, and the Pyro stomps on one of the tentacles. The hat monster turns his attention towards the Pyro, and immediately has its mouth filled with fire. It recoils in pain, letting out a loud roar. Scout can be seen dodging the tentacles, jumping onto one and using his makeshift weapon to impale one of the other tentacles. The Engineer smacks his Sentry Gun with his wrench, upgrading it to Level 2, and he motions for Demoman to join the battle as well.]
[Miss Pauling has now removed the panel off of the detonation mechanism of the ban parameters, and can be seen frantically messing with the codes. Scout, meanwhile, runs up to the side of the hat monster and slams his club into it. He then gets grabbed by a tentacle and is yanked into the air. The Sniper arrives at the battle, and after a brief moment of aiming, shoots the tentacle holding Scout, freeing him from its grasp. The monster throws Scout at the Demoman, and they both collapse onto the ground. The Scout scrambles to his feet and rushes forward, but is stopped by an uncloaking Spy.]
Spy: I think it's going pretty well... [He gives the Scout a pat on the back as a cloud of dust rolls over them.] Now go...! [He waves the Scout off and runs forward into battle. Scout turns back to Miss Pauling.]
Scout: Hey, Miss Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry...
Miss Pauling: [Looking up from the wires] God, Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press? Do you have any idea what's in an updatethat-- [Miss Pauling spots the watch on Scout's arm] --Oh, oh! Give me your URL! [She holds her hand out expectantly]
Scout: Yeah. Exactly! [He removes the watch from his arm and gives it to Miss Pauling] See, that is where this all starts! No, actually, wait...
[The Scout is interrupted by a scream, and the Soldier flies into the hangar and lands on the ground.]
Soldier: [proudly] HA HA HA! I UNBOXED UNUSUALS!
[Soldier is grabbed by a tentacle, dragged over towards the monster, and then thrown into a pile of broken lumber. The Sniper attempts to take another shot at the monster, but instead is lifted into the air by a tentacle that has grabbed a hold of the barrel of the rifle. He gets swung to one side and loses his grip on his gun. The Sniper tumbles through the gravel briefly before getting back to his feet and taking out his Kukri. He's about to rush forward to attack the monster, but pauses as the RED Bomb trundles into view.]
Scout: ...so that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you, and you should probably be sitting for this...
Miss Pauling: GUYS! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS! [She points at the hangar they just exited from.]
[Engineer looks at her, then abandons his Sentry, which is now Level 3, to rush into the hangar. The Medic runs in front of the camera as it focuses back on Scout and Miss Pauling.]
Scout: Miss Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted...
[The hat monster grabs a hold of the bomb and swings it around in the air. It lets out another roar.]
Heavy: [Struggling to keep the blast doors open] COME ON!
Scout: Um, never mind...
Miss Pauling: RUN!
[The two rush towards the hangar, but they get cut off by the payload bomb being thrown at the blast doors, bending them and denying them access.]
Scout: Oh God...
[They back up towards the blast doors as the hat monster lumbers towards them slowly. A large fire has broken out behind it. Cut to a close-up of Scout and Miss Pauling. Scout is busy searching for an escape route while Miss Pauling has a look of terror on her face. Scout grabs a hold of her and yanks her off to one side as the hat monster knocks the bomb around. They take shelter behind it. Scout looks at the monster, which lets out a long roar. Fast zoom to the inside of its mouth, and the dove it swallowed earlier is seen sitting inside it. Scout and Miss Pauling look on, amazed, as the dove takes off and flies away.]
[Miss Pauling looks Scout in the eyes, grabs a hold of his arm, and gives him a nod of approval. She lets out a yelp as one of the hat monster's tentacles slams into the ground. Scout grabs a hold of her and, making use of the dance moves he learned from Spy, keeps her safe from harm. They stop as he holds her up and looks at her. She looks back at him for a few moments, then shoots an oncoming tentacle with the gun in her hand. He twirls her back onto her feet and the two start running.]
[Cut to a close-up of the timer, which ticks down to two seconds. Scout and Miss Pauling run at the hat monster as she lets out a yelp. The timer ticks down to one second as they leap straight into the open maw of the monster. It closes its mouth as the bomb explodes. A bright flash of light can be seen engulfing the monster, then the screen cuts to black.]
[A match is lit, revealing Scout and Miss Pauling pressed up against each other in a dark enclosed space.]
Scout: [Struggling] Aaahhhh... Ah... Miss Pauling, you all right?
Miss Pauling: [Opening her eyes] I can't feel anything below my neck...
Scout: Oh God...
Miss Pauling: Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow.
Scout: Oh God, I am so sorry. This is...
Miss Pauling: That... was so... much... FUN! [A smile forms on her face]
Scout: [A look of confusion on his face] You're not mad?
Miss Pauling: [quickly] I was furious. Oh my God, you set off the update alarm and you were having a trade offer openfor some reason. But then there was this monster and we shot it and we built a bomb and I think my leg's broken. Can we do this again?
Scout: Yeah, sure! [He smiles, then it quickly turns into a frown] Wait, nah. We can't. The market’s gonna crash.
Miss Pauling: [Confused] Wait, what?
Soldier: [Poking his head into the cavity] Good news! The economy is not dying! We are going to live forever!
[The Heavy lifts up the side of the monster's body, allowing light to flood over Scout and Miss Pauling.]
Medic:I didn't say that! I just said we're not filled with exploited unusuals anymore!
Scout: Oh thank God. [relaxes and chuckles] So yeah, Miss Pauling. I guess it's yours.
Miss Pauling: Actually I’m disgusted at how shit that unusual is
Scout: Oh...
Miss Pauling: Oh, but you can ride along with me on some jobs. [brings out a flip notebook]
[The camera slowly pulls back to reveal the body of the monster, which now lays motionless. Engineer and Medic are seen at the bottom of the shot discussing something. The Sniper is on the backside of the monster, cleaning his Kukri. As the camera pulls back farther, the Pyro can be seen coming into the shot, who has the small hat monster darting around his legs like a puppy as he tries to keep track of it.]
Miss Pauling: Tomorrow...I'm belt sanding the fingerprints off a pile of corpses.
Scout: Ah, no.
Miss Pauling: Oh! You can help me yank the molars out of a box full of heads.
Scout: No to that.
Miss Pauling: Well, on Friday I got to ban someone who exploited the update...oh.
[Cut to black]
Miss Pauling: You're already going to be at that one.
submitted by MIlkyRawr to tf2 [link] [comments]

American Football Explained How to ALWAYS win with Football Betting ! Unique FREE ... How To Bet On Football: A Beginners Guide To Sports ... A Beginner's Guide to American Football NFL - YouTube 5 EKİM 2019 CUMARTESİ İDDAA TAHMİNLERİ (Football ...

2020-21 NCAAF Playoff Odds: Betting Favorites & Future Predictions 3 months ago - College Football Best Sports Handicappers in the World to Follow - Our Top Services That’s a very simply explanation, but for those interested in some of the finer nuances of the Super Bowl squares or boxes game, here’s a quick breakdown of how to set up your own game and the ... Over the past few months, we’ve posted quite a few articles on sports betting. We posted three guides to cover the basics on handicapping baseball, basketball and football, but these didn’t nearly cover everything a beginner would need to know.We’ve also posted articles that cover basic terms, as well as other assorted betting tips.. But we realized that, to some bettors, the number of ... In fact, betting money lines in football has become more popular over recent years than it once was. When betting on the money line, you are simply wagering on which team will win the game, without accounting for the point spread whatsoever. Unlike the point spread, sportsbooks that list money lines will list them for both teams. Easily the most popular type of betting for NFL football is “spread” betting or more commonly known as betting against the spread.Bettors who are new to NFL betting or betting in general may be a little confused with NFL spread betting, but it is pretty easy to understand once it is explained to you.

[index] [10862] [57097] [53915] [47382] [23330] [58349] [27937] [5933] [17703] [51616]

American Football Explained

👆1 Pick Per Day: https://www.patreon.com/join/brockpage/checkout?rid=2608940 ️2 Picks Per Day: https://www.patreon.com/join/brockpage/checkout?rid=2615342 💵... 5 ekİm 2019 İddaa tahmİnlerİ 1) tÜrkİye lİgİ 2) İngİltere lİgİ 3) hirvatİstan lİgİ 4) İspanya lİgİ 5) almanya lİgİ 6) norveÇ lİgİ 7) avusturya lİgİ 8) İsveÇ ... Betting.Betfair NFL expert and BBC One pundit Mike Carlson provides a quick breakdown of the basic rules of American Football ahead of Super Bowl LII on February 4th 2018. Bet on NFL with Betfair! In this Madden 19 tips video, I'll show you everything you need to know to win more games. If you want to know how to win in Madden 19, look no further. I'll... NFL Week 4 ATS Picks for the 2019-2020 Football Season Visit My Other Pages My Twitter http://www.twitter.com/halfmooner2 My Personal Sports Site (Get The La...

http://forex-thai.cryptocurrencyexchanges.shop