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My town is in one of the north western states- which, if you know anything about the north east, means snow like... six months out of the year. To make things worse, my town is approximately in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. We deal with it about as well as every other tiny north western town, which... Well, all you need to know is that there's a town up here that is literally based around a prison. That's it. That's the whole point of the town. Pretty much just to house the people who work there. It's pretty dismal sometimes. So you'd think, given the lack of other things to do, they'd embrace all the types of winter entertainment. And you wouldn't be wrong! Snowmen are an art form in my town. Ice sculptures get pretty competitive. Taboganing and sledding are Big. Deals. But snow angels are illegal. In fact, I didn't even know they were a thing until I saw someone doing it in a film one time. I was over at a friend's house, and they had an older cousin visiting from out of town. She'd brought the tape with her- it was one of her favorites. She thought we'd love it. She saw Harry and I staring at the t.v. in confusion and laughed at us. "What, you've never seen a SNOW ANGEL?" She asked us mockingly. I don't think it was malicious. I think she was just teasing the way some people do. You know the whole 'kids these days' trope that every generation thinks they invented. We both shook our heads and she climbed to her feet, gesturing for us to follow her while she suited up to go outside. She got as far as falling on her back in the yard- us following her like ducklings- before my friend's dad came running out of the garage yelling at the top of his lungs. I'd never heard Harry's dad yell like that before. Ever. And I've never heard him raise his voice since. Scared the beejesus out of all of us, including Harry's cousin. He sent Harry and I inside and I didn't hear what he said to her, but she was as white as a sheet by the time he was done. They came back in afterwards and Harry's dad called mine to come pick me up. Harry's cousin never came to visit again, but I never forgot. I knew there was something wrong with making a snow angel, I just never knew WHAT. Harry and I never discussed it. We went back to sledding and snow forts and never said a word. We both knew that something big had just happened, but neither of us were old or mature enough to really take any meaning from it. Nearly a decade passed before we thought of it again. Harry and I were both pretty average looking kids. Neither of us had a whole lot going on to give us any kind of social edge, so dating in our very small high school- where the boys out populated the girls by something like seventy five percent- was pretty much a crap shoot, and neither of us was interested in the male half of the population. So when Harry formed a crush on Melissa, we both kind of knew it was doomed. I was his best friend, though! It was my job to be supportive- so I didn't say anything. Like. At all. I didn't know the first thing about being a wing man, but I did hesitantly suggest that Harry might get Melissa's attention by doing something 'cool'. Which, in teenage boy, translates to stupid and/or dangerous. Unfortunately, Harry took that advice to heart. God how I wish I could take those words back now. It was late-October and it was already snowing pretty regularly. Nothing bad yet, but more than just a light dusting. Halloween fell on a Wednesday that year, so the weekend before a few of us got together for a kind of preemptive party. We'd basically turned it into an excuse to party the whole week. We were out at Harry's new house- his dad had recently built a really nice new place outside of town. It was kind of isolated, but it also had a hot tub, so. And anyway, the isolation worked in our favor. Nobody was liable to file a noise complaint or a curfew violation on us way out here. The irony is, Harry's dad had actually given us permission to have a little get together as long as we promised to be responsible. I guess it was because Harry was kind of going through a hard time, what with his mom having left and all. It was a full moon that night. It wasn't snowing, but it had that morning. There was still a pretty thick carpet of it all across the lawn. There were eight of us. Four boys, four girls. Harry and myself, Melissa, her best friend Joan, her little sister Nicole, and their boyfriends, Travis, Hunter and Chad. Melissa and Nicole were in the hot tub with Chad and Travis, while Joan and Hunter and Harry and I were playing pong on the deck. Harry and I were losing. Pretty badly, actually. Travis was mocking us from the hot tub, his arm around Melissa. "Nice shot, asshole." He commented after one of Harry's swings had gone wild. The ball tapped impatiently across the deck, careening off into the snow beyond. Harry made an impatient sound. I could tell Travis' comments were starting to get under his skin. His jaw was clenched and I could visibly see him holding back his temper as he marched down the steps to collect the ball. "Come on." I hissed at Travis under my breath, "Quit being a douche-" Travis opened his mouth, most likely to say something nasty, but before he could get the words out I heard Harry call out- "Hey Melissa, want to see something cool?" We all turned expectantly just in time to see Harry pitch backwards into the snow with his arms splayed out. "Oh yeah, real cool, turd money." Travis jeered, "You fell down! Way to go. I bet your mom is real proud." "What did you just say?" Harry stopped mid-snow angel. We all kind of fell silent for a second. Even Melissa looked shocked. She pushed Travis' arm away and scooted to the other side of the tub, giving him a look of disgust. "Too far, Travis." She muttered. Maybe he knew it too. I'd like to think he was going to apologize, but Harry was already getting up and Melissa was leaning out of the tub- trying to change the subject, maybe- and asking Harry what he'd done and then we all heard it. None of us seemed to know what it was at first. It was... hard to recognize. A short, sharp sound as if someone had just been socked in the gut. You know that sound you make when you've gotten the breath knocked out of you? It was like that. "It's a snow angel." I said into the silence afterwards, trying to tell myself that it was just one of those weird sounds that came out of the woods sometimes. "Oh." Melissa furrowed her brow. "Hey, I think I've heard of those." Hunter put in, "One of the kids from Moore got arrested for making one in town square after the game. His parents had to come pick him up." "Let's google it! Inside-" I was quick to suggest, but then the second sob interrupted me before I could get further than a few steps toward the house. "What was that?" Joan asked. Harry finished climbing to his feet and stooped to pick up the ping pong ball. I didn't hear whatever Harry's response was. I was too busy looking. Frozen in place. Riveted by the sight of the single, pale hand draped across the edge of the snow angel's 'wing'. This time we all heard the wail. And knew exactly what it was. The identical looks of confusion and fear that flickered across all of our faces gave it away. "What the fuck?" Travis said. "Oh my god!" Joan shrieked. "Harry!" I yelped. I don't have any conscious memory of crossing the deck. I blinked and suddenly I was there, leaning over the railing and grabbing him by the shirt. Hauling him away from the snow and toward the steps. Meanwhile, an ethereal vision was rising out of the snow angel as if it were rising on a pedestal. Blonde hair coated in frost. Pale skin mottled with blackened spots. Blue lips bowed back in a grimace of misery. She was wearing a gray robe. It crackled brittlely as she climbed from her knees to her feet. "What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck-" Travis was wheezing a new mantra somewhere behind us. "GET IN THE HOUSE." Someone else yelled. I held Harry's arms, helping him climb over the railing. We raced into the house hand in hand, a frenzy of splashing and screaming going on around us. I sprinted as far as the couch. Before Harry dropped my hand and went back to lock the glass door. Nicole and Joan huddled against the far wall, sobbing softly. Melissa ran to the kitchen. Travis hovered near the window, staring in shock. "The fuck is that?" He squealed. I wanted to cover my eyes, but I couldn't help but look. I was drawn to that face. The look of terror and pain on it. I could still hear the sobbing through the glass as it tottered unsteadily to the steps and began to drag itself up onto the deck. It- she- moved so wrong. So stiffly! "Oh god." Harry muttered beside me. I managed to glance at him, only to see him looking back at the snow. Not the THING, but the place it had come from. There was another hand edging out of the snow angel. This one wrinkled and shriveled. "We have to get out of here," Melissa came out of the kitchen carrying a kitchen knife, "We have to get back to town and call the police." Harry's place was brand new. The landlines hadn't been hooked up yet. "Yeah." I agreed. "Just one problem." Harry put in, lifting a hand and singling out the keys and phones sitting out beside the hot tub. Travis' keys. Joan's and Nicole's too. We all shared a look, because that only left two cars. My beaten up suburban, which barely had heat- not normally a HUGE problem, since I was typically DRESSED while inside it, but given that half the party was still soaked from the hot tub and wearing only their bathing suits... And Melissa's coupe. Which would barely fit four people, even if they sat on each other's laps. "Fuck." Hunter yelled. "I don't think we have a choice." I ran my fingers through my hair, "Just grab some coats and blankets and let's go. Hypothermia has to be better than whatever is going to happen when she-" "They." Harry interrupted quietly. I didn't bother to respond to that. I just dug my keys out of my jacket and headed to the door. I heard the others scrambling to grab what they could and following. As soon as I was out the door I heard the howling. Not like wolves- like people. More than one, just... screaming. I sprinted down the driveway, half aware that I ought to have waited. I ought to have given the others more time to get ready, but some part of me just knew that every second we wasted was a step closer to death- and I wasn't kidding when I said our chances were probably better for recovering from hypothermia. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Melissa and Travis make it to her car, Nicole right behind them. Chad, Hunter, Harry and Joan were hot on my heels. I didn't have to bother to unlock the doors. My suburban predated electronic locks, and the town was so small that normally I didn't bother locking them all individually. We scrambled in so hard that it rocked. The old shocks squealed and squeaked in protest. I dove into the driver's seat and slammed my key into the ignition, ignoring the seat belt and everything else while the others dragged themselves in and hauled the doors shut behind them. I didn't do a head count before peeling out. That came back to me later. It was a miracle no one got left behind. If they had it would have been my fault. I still feel guilty about that. I saw them coming around the corner of the house in the rear view mirror. Not my friends, but the corpses. I was full on panicking. Each heartbeat felt like a punch to the ribs. My breath felt like razor blades. I was so, so sure that I was going to puke as swung onto the highway- already doing eighty before we'd done a half mile. Joan was still sobbing in the back seat- Hunter was crying too. I think I would have joined them if I hadn't been too busy shaking. "Does anyone have a phone?" Chad asked. It was a great idea- I glanced at him in the rear view mirror and saw him covered in the old blanket I kept in the truck bed. His hair was trying to frost. He had a cellphone in his palm. I started to ask what was wrong with it when Joan chimed in- "Yeah, but no bars." "I'm going straight to the police station." I said. Being that I was the one driving, nobody else had much say in it. "What if they don't believe us?" Joan whispered. "They're going to." Harry said woodenly, staring straight ahead, "They made them illegal for a reason." "Why didn't they TELL US?" Hunter demanded. Nobody answered. I guess nobody had an answer. It was a tense, long period of silence- during which I checked the rear view mirror a dozen times. Not just checking for weird, frozen zombies, but for headlights. Where was Melissa's car? My old Suburban couldn't have been that much faster. My palms were sweating and prickling on the steering wheel. I tried not to think about it- or draw attention to it- the last fifteen minutes into town. Part of me was HOPING to get pulled over by a cop, but as was typical, there was never one around when I wanted one to be. I kept looking for them, even as we barreled into town and into the safety of the slushy gray parking lot of the sheriff's department. I nearly drove right through the front doors. The whole car lurched from the force of that stop, but I hadn't even slammed it into park before the others were scrambling out the doors and pouring into the station like a biblical flood of half-frozen, half-dressed teenagers. Everyone was talking at once. I was the last in- keeping one eye on the window and the road while the others babbled at Olly, the receptionist. He was a nice old man in his fifties, at least, and I could tell he understood about zero of what was being said. Until Harry stepped forward and put his hands on the desk, anyway. Everyone else finally stopped talking. "I made a snow angel." He stated. Calmly. Factually. If it weren't for how pale his face were and how tight his bloodless lips had become, I would have thought he WAS calm. Olly's face fell. His chair clattered as it rolled back, allowing him to stand up. "I'll go get the sheriff." I knew then that it was every bit as serious as we thought it was. We hadn't imagined any of it. It wasn't some case of... mass hysteria or something. "There's something else." I added, pausing to look at the window- hoping to see Melissa's car pulling in at the last second. It never did. "I haven't seen Melissa, Travis or Nicole since we left the house." Olly's expression turned more grave, if that was possible. The Sheriff was Melissa and Nicole's father. He turned and hustled to the back faster than I've ever actually seen him move before. There was a tense moment. A hushed exchange of words and rising voices, and then Sheriff Basket came striding down the hallway, bigger than life. He was a massive wall of a man, and all of us had always been a little intimidated by him. He'd never been mean, exactly. He was just stern. Quiet. Had a direct, down to earth way of dealing with things and usually that involved as few words as possible. "How many where there." Case in point. I didn't understand what he was asking, at first, but Harry got it straightaway. "Two, but I think a third was climbing out when we left." I watched Olly getting some emergency blankets and jumpsuits out of the back for the others. For Chad, anyway. Hunter, Joan, Harry and I were all more or less dressed. Olly passed me a blanket anyway. I mumbled a thank you. "What did the first one look like?" The sheriff demanded. "It was a woman!" Joan shouted. Her voice sounded reedy and thin. I thought maybe she was on the verge of hyperventilating. "She had on this dress... thing." Chad added, more subdued, "And she was blonde, I think. It's hard to remember." "She was pretty." Hunter whispered, sinking into his blanket and the wall at the same time, "She looked so sad." The sheriff looked visibly relieved, but his face was still tight with stress and concern. He looked gray, actually. His skin, his hair, even his eyes. I didn't blame him. I was only a teenager myself at the time, but already I could sympathize- the terror he must have felt, knowing his kids were out there. In danger. Not knowing if he'd arrive in time, or what might have befallen them. "It could be worse." He muttered to himself- I don't think we were meant to hear. "You kids stay here. Olly, call their parents. You lot were at The Olsen place, right?" He pinned us with a severe look. I nodded. I'm pretty sure the others did too. I heard one or two meek 'yes sir's, "Your parents can explain when they get here." Those last few words were so clipped and bitten off that I could hear his teeth click on some of the syllables. I, for one, wasn't about to argue. I wanted to see my mom and dad more than anything in the world in that moment. I was still young enough that for me they represented the epitome of safety. Nothing bad could happen to me when my parents were there, in my adolescent mind. They were still invulnerable giants. The axis upon which the world turned. I watched in silence as he checked his revolver and then went to the munitions room and came back with a shotgun and a box of shells. He walked out into the night without even a nod in our direction. His eyes were already on the road. He looked to me like a man going to war. As if he weren't sure he was going to come back, and was prepared to accept that. Resigned, but also determined. "Come on, kids." Olly spread his arms and herded us all toward the back of the station, "Let's get you warmed up. If any of you have a working phone, now's the time to go ahead and call your parents- it'll be better coming from your number than the police station's. Those of you who don't- sorry." He joked and pointed an ominous finger at the payphone on the wall and the stack of quarters beside it. He was a nice old man- had kind of a beardless santa vibe- but it was hard to ignore the tightness in his voice. And around his eyes. Poor Olly. He had to be pushing sixty. He'd been working in the sheriff's department since I was a kid. Sometimes he came to help provide 'security' at events in town. He'd never been anything but cheerful and friendly. Seeing him so pale made me feel... Helpless. What we'd seen at Harry's house still hadn't completely sunk in yet. A part of me thought that I was going to wake up any second, and that it would all turn out to have been a bad dream. All around me the others were calling their parents. I heard phones ringing. A couple had already picked up. Voices were cracking. Muffled sobs and sniffles filled the open office space. I looked aimlessly between desks for a little while, my brain not quite having caught up to the idea I should be doing what they were all doing. Eventually my gaze drifted to Harry, only to find him looking back. It struck me then that he didn't have anybody TO call. His mom was... well, he couldn't call her, and his dad was probably still on the plane. Which meant he didn't have anybody but me. "I guess we should call mom and dad." I tried to smile, fumbling my cell out of my pocket, "They'll be pissed if they're the last ones to know." Internally I cringed. Why had I said that? Especially after literally just thinking he couldn't call HIS dad? Harry only nodded. My mom picked up on the second ring. I called her first because I figured she'd be the least likely to yank my ass through the phone to chew me a new one. I needn't have bothered, it turned out. "We're on our way." She said before I could even say hello, "Stay put." And then she hung up- but before she did I heard keys jingling in the background and the car starting up. Cellphones were notoriously unreliable in my town. A text could be sent and hang in limbo for a week before arriving at it's destination. Calls often just failed to connect. I glanced down at the phone in my hand and up at Harry, running my fingers over the glossy screen. "They're on their way." I reported. Harry just nodded again. My house was only twenty minutes away from the station on a bad day. My parents made it in seven. I guess that's where I got my lead foot from. Joan and Chad's parents made it first- but only by a few minutes. Both sets swarmed their respective offspring. There was a lot of scolding and fussing and anxious questions. I couldn't help but think they looked like pre-schoolers. Small and lost and wide-eyed despite their ages. Maybe it was because I was feeling like one myself. Just a small kid on a big playground. Woefully out of my league. And then my parents came rushing through the door. Mom's coat was barely on- unfastened and hanging off of her as she stormed in. Dad's boots were untied. They looked like they'd dropped everything and run to come get me, and I was so grateful for it. It was the most loved feeling I think a person could have. Dad rushed to me, but mom paused mid-step and diverted to Harry. I wasn't jealous. I was weak-kneed with gratitude. Trust my parents- the ADULTS- to know how to make right the things I didn't have the tools to fix myself. I learned a lot about empathy and maturity that day, watching my mom fuss over Harry as if he was her own. He'd been my best friend since childhood. He'd practically grown up in our house, and I in his. My parents were the closest thing he had to his own in that moment. Maybe better, knowing his parents like I did. She checked him over like the other parents were checking their kids. Hands and face, arms and neck. "Thank god you're okay." Dad said, catching me up and squeezing me like I was nine again. I squeezed him right back, fighting tears. "They didn't touch you? You're alright?" Mom was asking Harry. All he could do was nod, I assume. His eyes were suspiciously bright. "It's okay," Mom said, giving him the same kind of hug dad was giving me just then, "It's going to be okay." "Melissa and Nicole were in the other car." Chad half yelled. I know he was talking to his own parents, but all of them stopped and looked at one another- sharing the look of horror and tense gratitude. How awful, but thank god mine are alright. "Olly said you'd explain when you got here." I wiped my eyes on the back of my sleeve and looked up at my father's face. His blue eyes were haunted and unhappy, but he nodded once. "Yeah. I guess it's time. Normally we tell the graduating class after the ceremony..." Mom looked up. They met eyes for a little while. I imagine they were searching for the words- for a good place to begin. "Why didn't anyone explain BEFORE?" Joan demanded, "Why didn't anybody warn us?" "Let's just- let's start with the most immediate problem." My dad suggested when no one else spoke up, "Tackle one thing at a time. First of all, what did the first thing through look like?" I don't know if it occurred to the others, but it struck me that this was the second time we'd been asked- and both times it had been the first question, after asking if we were okay. "She was blonde, and pale. And wearing a weird dress. She looked like she was in pain." I supplied, anchored by the presence of my parents. It seemed to me that every adult in the room heaved a little sigh of relief. "That's good. I mean, it's not great, but it's better than it could be." Mom muttered, wandering over to the pile of blankets on the desk and absently gathering one. I watched her bring it over to Harry to drape around his shoulders, fussing with the way it hung until there were no wrinkles to smooth out anymore. "We'll start with that, then." Dad took a deep breath, "We call her the Angel. That's what our grandparents called her. I assume that's what THEIR grandparents called her. Of all the harbingers, she's the least violent. She'll lead the people behind her to the nearest, most easily accessible source of heat. Once they're all thawed they'll... go away again." As dad explained I absently rubbed my chest- it hurt, like I'd pulled a muscle. Harry looked up, expression going from numb and distracted to suddenly upset. "Melissa's car. Amy's heat doesn't work, I- they must have-" Dad looked grim, but nodded. "It's possible. Especially if the doors to the house were locked. The good news is they won't have hurt the others unless they tried to stop them. The bad news is, if the car stops running or the heat quits, they'll go back to trying to get into the house." Everyone took a minute to digest that. "So... all they want is to get warm?" I asked hesitantly. "Yeah." Dad nodded, "But only if the harbinger is the Angel." "O-kay-" Chad looked up at his parents, "But what ARE they?" "As far as we can tell," Chad's mom was the school nurse- a petite blonde lady with a 'Can I speak to your manager' haircut, but as sweet as could be- answered this time, "They were people. People who used to live here at some point. People who... died. In the cold." "Then there can't be that many, right?" Joan suggested hopefully. It was a hope I didn't realize I shared until that moment. Surely one or two frozen zombies were a lot better than a horde, though. "Dozens, at least forty." My own mother put in. She gave Harry a little squeeze and looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry honey. There's other's... but they don't all come at the same time, usually. It all depends on the harbinger, like we said. Usually it's no more than eight or nine at a time, but sometimes, when the shepherd comes through-" "The who? The WHAT?" Travis cried, his voice warbling a high, awkward note that I thought he'd left behind in middle school. "Harbingers are-" Dad rubbed his fingers together, obviously searching for the words, "They're like the leaders. Only one comes through at a time. They're the first out through the gate when it's open- when a snow angel is made. Some of them, like the Angel, are mostly harmless. Mostly. There's four that we know of. Four that we were told about. Her, the Shepherd, the Prophet, and the Hermit." He walked away from me while he spoke, folding his hands behind his back and pacing over to the desk and from there to the window. "The Angel comes with eight or nine others, who are mostly peaceful. They'll smash doors and windows if they have to, but so long as they're left alone and you don't attempt to harm them they're harmless. They'll find the nearest source of heat and stay there until they're all... warm... again." I didn't want to think about that too hard. I hoped it was more... supernatural than it sounded, because the way he put it made me think of a bunch of warming corpses in a room, and that made my stomach churn. "The Shepherd is one of the worst. They- he, we think- comes through with all of the followers. And he's not content with just them, either. He hunts down anyone he can find when he comes through and will drag them out into the cold to die and join his herd. He sends the others, too. If he ever gets through the only thing to do is start the siren and get to the bunkers around town, and then pray that the barricades last until dawn." I started to shake just thinking about it. Imagining it was... it made me feel cold from the inside out. I shared a look with Harry, knowing he felt the same way. How close we'd all come to THAT. What he had to be feeling knowing that he'd almost let THAT through. "Then there's the Prophet. She won't outright hurt you, but if she finds you she'll... it's hard to explain. She puts people to sleep, in a way. Mesmerizes them with a song- and when you're under, apparently you have visions. Of the past. Of things that happened in this town." Compared to the Shepherd that sounded like a fuckin' cakewalk. "But you're there until she's done with you. Which could be hours. And wherever she catches you, which might be out in the cold, or in the shower, or-" He left the rest up to imagination, "Her followers put out lights. They pull down electric lines and will smash lamps." Okay. That sounded less ideal, but still a whole lot better than the zombie-murder Woodstock. "The Hermit is the worst, though." My dad looked at Hunter's parents and then Joan's, and finally sighed like he didn't want to be the one to say the words. "They come alone, and unlike the others they won't vanish at daylight. They keep hunting, keep killing, following the people of the town no matter where they run until a sacrifice is made. Our parents thought that might have been where the new harbingers come from. Sacrifices to make the Hermit go away." "That's horrible!" Joan gasped. I cringed too. It was awful to think about. Deliberately selecting someone you knew, someone who you LIVED with to go die. And then making that happen! Killing them in the worst way I could imagine. How did you even begin? "But it's just the Angel this time." Hunter said, his voice shaking. "Yeah," My dad nodded, "She should be gone by morning." So that was it, then. We just had to make it to morning, and then everything would be okay. Right? It wasn't, though. In fact, I can confidently say that was the beginning of the end- the slow roll into the destruction of the town, and the majority of the people who lived there. For a time it was quiet. A few of us managed to fall asleep, either in the padded benches of the holding cells or in the chairs lined up against the walls. I was still wide awake, watching the windows with Harry and clutching a cup of hot cocoa for warmth. The hands of the clock barely seemed to move, and then- With a pop and a crackle, the dispatch radio came to life. It was the sheriff. I didn't understand the codes he was using, but I got the gist of it pretty good from everything that was said between. Multiple 123s, more units required. Send medical and the blasters. After that it was a flurry of voices and sirens. Orders were being shouted. Sirens blared. Olly sat behind his desk and closed his eyes. His lips moved silently, tracing the words of some prayer. I reached for Harry's hand, but the look in his eye- he was practically on the moon. So far away I couldn't reach him. We both knew that it was going to be bad. We didn't know HOW bad until one of the other officers started talking. "We've got two injured juveniles in route to the hospital. Clear the roads, provide escort where possible." Only two? "We've got eyes on them. Eight. Angel is missing, repeat, the Angel is missing. One victim unaccounted for. All units respond." It went on like that for a while. The noise woke up everyone who'd managed to fall asleep. One by one we gathered at the window, watching for the flashing lights as they sped like shooting stars down the main road toward our tiny, provincial hospital. Wondering who was inside. And if they'd make it. Eventually the noise from the radios died down to chatter back and forth between officers sweeping the woods. I gathered bits and pieces, but no more. Something about a set of bare footprints heading into the woods. Something else about a second, fresher set of tracks behind. Both vanished near the pond. The search went on, but nothing else important was said. Eventually the first blush of dawn touch the sky. We watched it rise, Harry and I, side by side, as the first of the officers returned to the station- muddy and disheartened. The adults gathered in a huddle with them. I wasn't meant to overhear, but my ears had always been sharp. Like the radio, now in person, I caught snatches that were just enough to paint a picture. 'Travis and Nicole' 'Broken arm. Severe frostbite. Should recover.' 'Melissa. Missing. Old lake. Angel.' They told the rest of us a barely edited version of events a few hours later. Travis and Nicole had been found outside Harry's place. Travis had a broken arm. Both he and Nicole had pretty bad frostbite and were suffering from hypothermia, but were expected to mostly recover. Melissa was still missing. They thought the Angel's flock had mobbed the car while Nicole was still getting in. Melissa had gotten it started, but hadn't driven away immediately because her sister wasn't fully inside yet. Travis had taken the passenger seat, and Nicole couldn't get in past him, he was too big- Well, the delay was enough for the heater to get started. The dead had converged on the heat, and when Travis tried to fight back they'd tossed him aside like an old newspaper. Melissa must have run. She didn't know what we'd just been told. She probably thought they were being attacked. I mean, that's what I would have thought- did think. But in the end, I guess it doesn't really matter why she ran into the woods. They never did find her. We all went home, one by one. Harry's dad came home on the next plane, but, understandably, Harry didn't want to stay in that house anymore. They moved away a couple of months later. Not long after Nicole and Travis finally got out of the hospital. Travis ended up losing the arm- the frostbite combined with the break made it impossible to save. They tried, but in the end there was nothing to be done. Nicole recovered physically alright. She lost a few toes and a finger, but the real damage was psychological. Losing her older sister like that... the way it all went down. She was never the same. The rest of us got together after graduation. The same 'party' where the town's secrets would originally have been explained to us. It turned out there were a few things we still hadn't been told. "I just don't understand why anyone lives here at all," Joan was saying to Mr. Harkman, our former math teacher- for pretty much our entire lives. The town wasn't big enough that we really needed more than one or two. There were rarely more than thirty kids per grade. I was standing by myself under a pennant banner, watching the flecks of light from the disco ball swim around the floor. She was going off to college next spring. So was I. I think we all were, except Nicole and Travis- and Hunter, I think. He'd decided to stay behind. Or maybe he couldn't afford college. I don't know, I never thought to ask. "Most people do leave." Mr. Harkman sighed, "I think we all tried to escape at one point or another." "Escape?" Chad, who'd been over in the corner beside Hunter and a couple of other kids from our grade, lifted his head to ask. By then the story of that night had spread to every kid in our tiny high school, regardless of grade. I can't help but think that was a good thing. "Well why'd they come back, then?" Joan demanded heatedly in the same moment. Her face was flushed, her eyes glittering. "Your parents didn't tell you?" Mr. Harkman looked surprised, and then just sad, "I'm sorry. I guess I can see why. The thing is, you can leave the town just fine- until you have kids. And then... the town pulls you back. Things happen. You lose your job, you have an accident, your plane or bus gets rerouted. You black out and wake up back here, in town, with your kid. It's inevitable. If you try to leave, you end up here again." A hush fell over the room. I don't know if they were thinking the same thing I was, but my very first thought was- I'm never having kids. Poor Harry. If only anyone had told HIM.
Since Riggs, Trent, and Frankie have turned their golf positions at Barstool into less blogging and more playing with themselves and selling $50 cases of soda, I decided to take a dull, butter knife stab at a preview blog for this weekend’s Memorial Tournament. Last Week Real quick let’s talk about how much we should all hate the PGA after Sunday’s off-air debacle, and then about some questionable feature groups this week. For weather reasons on Sunday, the Workday final round tee times were moved up so players could finish before incoming storms. Great, that all makes sense. But somehow the PGA was not able to broadcast the round on TV, and when they did have to kill the live broadcast, they didn’t even mention where to go watch the rest of the tournament. THERE ARE NO OTHER FUCKING SPORTS ON, WHAT COULD CBS HAVE MADE PRIORITY OVER THIS FINAL ROUND? No seriously, someone please tell me because I would love to know what aired on CBS from 11 am to 3 pm instead of live sports. Can we also talk about how terrible the Thursday/Friday coverage is every weekend on all networks? You usually get 2-4 featured groups you can stream online from 9-3 (even these groups you often need NBC Sports Gold to watch), and then get maybe 3 hours of full coverage in a TV broadcast. There is legitimately a channel called the Golf Channel, who are airing a shitty preview/talk show while you are missing coverage. Here’s a fucking mad idea - put live golf on the golf channel before the major networks get prime coverage. Then we got a look yesterday at the featured groups for the Memorial. How do you fuck this up? If you are younger than 70 and even sporadically watch golf, you could do this job better than whoever does it for the PGA. Here’s the formula: Brooks Koepka makes a joke about Bryson Dechambeau using steroids one week ago = you put them in the same group. Golf has so little drama because all these guys are friends and making millions of dollars even when they aren’t winning. Fans need these storylines/rivalries to be buffed up, not ignored because they might hurt Bryson's feelings. This Week As far as a course preview, we get a strange twist this week with the players coming back to Muirfield, who just hosted the Workday Charity Tournament. I’ve been watching golf for a long ass time and cannot remember the last time this happened, but it’s not a major headline at all so maybe this does happen on occasion. Either way the setup this weekend will look different than last weekend, with much faster greens, thicker rough, and some changes in tee box locations. I think we see some youngeinexperienced players struggle with the change in green speeds, especially since they just played these same greens and they were rolling like carpet (stimpmeter will go from 11 to 13.5). My gut tells me the winner is either a veteran or someone who didn’t play here last week. This would rule out guys like Hovland, Burns, Merritt, Niemann, etc. Finally, we have to mention that Eldrick Tiger Woods returns to the field this week. I’m looking at his +2000 odds and hate the value because we have no idea where his game is at right now. That being said, Tiger has won the Memorial five times and placed T9 last year, and T23 the year before. I will root for Tiger to win every tournament he enters, but I won’t look at a future for him at these low odds, and for his first post-break golf since The Match. Now let’s go over wagers this weekend and what you should look for. I am usually not a fan of betting on outright winners, before any golf has been played. The odds always look so good but you will rarely have a profitable year trying to bet winners every week. That being said, here are some of the best value picks IMO.
Dechambeau +850
This man is -69 (nice) in his 4 tournaments since the resumption of the season, with final results of 3rd, 8th, 6th, and 1st. Not only is he launching drives 10% further than the field consistently, but his confidence is sky high and that mental edge goes a long way. Bryson also won here 2 years and 40 pounds ago, so he does like this course. But let’s not forget what a whiny bitch he is. Give me odds on if he will punch a cameraman this week and I would hammer yes.
Rory McIlroy/Justin Thomas +950
Rory holds the current #1 world golf ranking, and JT holds the current #1 FedEx cup ranking. Neither golfer has won since returning from quarantine, however they each grabbed a trophy or two early in the season (pre-pandemic). Both have seen some inconsistencies in the past month, with over par rounds or missed cuts, but undeniably still playing great golf. You might want to think about JT’s state of mind after blowing a lead and then a playoff last weekend, but I still like him to show up and be in the mix.
DJ +1500
DJ recently daddy-dicked Brendan Todd in the final round of the Travelers, starting his final round 2 shots behind and leaving with a 1 shot victory (6 shots ahead of Todd). He might win, he might not, either way he’s going home to Paulina Gretzky and a Johnny Depp style lunch spread.
Koepka +1750
I’m going to choose to ignore Brooks’ round one 74 at the Workday this weekend, followed up by a missed cut. His previous two tournaments he posted 8 consecutive rounds under par, and a Sunday 65 to place 7th at the RBC Heritage. That being said, in my brief research it looks like his best finish at the Memorial was T31 in 2017, so maybe he hates this course. But Petty King’s hate for everyone besides himself is a great motivator. Can’t wait until we get a “suck on that Faldo” on a hot mic.
Morikawa +2000
My guy Collin is less than a year removed from his amateur status, and has now made 24/25 cuts to start his career. Three weeks ago he lipped out a 3 footer to lose in a playoff, had a rough 2 weeks at the RBC and Travelers, but then he came right back and won in a playoff this past weekend. This dude is a sniper from the fairway, but can he stay straight off the tee and hole some putts? 2 playoffs in his last 4 tournaments would indicate yes.
Cantlay/Matsuyama/Rose/Kuchar +1250 to +6500
All four of these guys have won the Memorial in the past, with Cantlay at the best odds trying to repeat his title from 2019. I sneaky love Justin Rose here who has been playing great golf, and reminds me of a slightly less hate-able version of Adam Scott. Always fun to root for Kuch daddy as well, but his association with Sketchers is unforgivable.
Hovland/Simpson/Schauffele/Berger +2000 to +3000
Three young studs who have won or come close to winning this season, and a veteran who has been playing lights out golf (Webby). I would not be surprised to see a slow start for Hovland after two disappointing Sundays in a row, but he is too good not to make a push if he makes the cut. Schauffele actually scares me, he is definitely the odds on favorite to be a serial killer after his PGA career (eh maybe Mickelson). But that focus and weird fatheson relationship has been working for him, and he’s sitting just a few spots outside the FedEx cup top 10 and playing great golf. Meanwhile Webby is sitting at #2 in the FedEx cup rankings with a win at the RBC Heritage and a top 10 at the Rocket Mortgage Classic. Side note, why is there a “t” in mortgage? Fuck that word.
My pick: once again reiterating I will likely not bet on a Sunday winner before Thursday starts, but if I was I would put my money on Justin Rose +4500 or Xander Schauffele +2500. Thursday Matchups Easily the best way to bet on golf, and in my experience the most profitable. Here are a few picks I’ll be making before Thursday. Currently I am 4-2 betting matchups (last 4 PGA events) and I’ll track my picks moving forward. If I get to Jack Mac or Reags level of bad betting, I promise I’ll retire and not pretend I know what I’m talking about. I’m only going to pick matchups in the featured groups for Thursday. Nothing worse than betting on someone like Marc Leishman, and having to refresh the golf cast simulator thing instead of watching live play. Dechambeau (-115) over Thomas (-105): everything is so planned out and calculated with Bryson, and his sit-out at the Workday feels like a part of his plan. Fucking hate rooting for this kid, but I see him coming in fresh against JT who blew an enormous lead last weekend. D. Johnson (even) over Morikawa (-120): my favorite first round matchup bet. It seems counter-intuitive going against the guy who won at this course a few days ago, but don’t forget the major change this week will be how the greens roll. And Morikawa is 150th on tour in strokes gained with the putter. Lock it in. Take a flier - round 1 leader I don’t think I’ve ever bet this prop but I’ve also never written a golf blog before so let’s take a shot here. I’ll put a half unit on it as well: Rickie Fowler +4000 Rick's finishes at the Memorial the past 3 years: T14, T8, solo 2nd. In 2017 when he placed 2nd, he shot an opening round 66. I also feel like I see him in the mix a lot in early rounds, but can’t quite put together those low weekend rounds. That’s all I’ve got. Sorry it’s not funny but it’s better content than we’ve gotten out of Foreplay. Let’s make some money and blow off work Thursday and Friday.
Poppy Seed Tea Guide - My thoughts and findings after 10 years.
Hi all, To say thank you for all the great advice here, I'm going to put down everything I've found about PST over my 10 years of use. If others want to contribute, or find something that is wrong or shouldn't be in here, I'll be happy to make updates. I won't be discussing or responding to any questions about sourcing. * DISCLAIMER: While I've run this guide past a medical professional who is a part of the sub, NONE of this should be taken as medical advice. Everything I've put down here is simply my experience as a 10 year user of PST, and 15 year user of opiates and opioids. Remember this: PST is liquid opium - morphine and codeine - drugs that have killed many people. It's not a toy, and it's not a competitive sport, like a 'smoke-a-thon'. If you don't use poppy seeds with intelligence and respect, they can kill you. I don't use meth, and wouldn't write a guide for it. But speaking as somebody with chronic pain caused by an auto-immune disease, and the failure of doctors to properly support me, I have to look after myself. Many here are in the same boat. I am able to lead a relatively healthy life with PST, so I can attest that there is a legitimate use for it. Please understand that I'm coming from a position of using PST as pain relief. If you're a purely recreational user without pain, understand that because of a number of factors, primarily availability and a wild variation in strength between sources and batches, PST can be incredibly addictive, dangerous, and the odds are against you being able to use it as a purely recreational experience without becoming addicted. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT Not everybody gets the same effect from PST. I personally get euphoria & pain relief, followed by a sustained amount of energy. Others will be sleepy and nodding. Others get varying amounts of itchiness. Some never have a problem urinating, others can't squeeze a drop. True story: I've met a person who was able to get a HUGE effect from just 2-3 tablespoons worth of the tea that I prepare for myself, when I'd drink 2-3 cups at that strength. Literally a tablespoon of average seeds had them on the ropes. The most important point here is that you can't take what one user advises as gospel.. including me. I'm trying to err well on the side of caution, particularly after seeing what 2% of my dose can do for someone without tolerance. Always stay safe. TOLERANCE - START SMALL Every supply will have differences from batch to batch. I've even noticed a difference from the top to the bottom of a large pack due to free opium dust making it's way to the bottom of a pack. If you're not 100% certain you know how strong your seeds are, start VERY small, at perhaps one ounce of seeds. I've had an extremely strong euphoric effect from 1/4 cup of seeds from a new supply combined with a new preparation method, where I was using 2 pounds per dose the previous day. The washing of seeds prior to sale varies, some may not be washed at all. This is the equivalent of taking a pharmaceutical tablet not knowing whether it's 30mg of Codeine, or 80mg of Oxycodone. Following on from that, keep tolerance in mind, and monitor it as much as you can. While increasing tolerance is a pain in the ass, it does give you something of a buffer if the worst were to happen. A sudden decrease in tolerance can be VERY dangerous if you don't keep it in mind. If you were to use PST on Saturday and Sunday, then abstain during Monday to Friday, your tolerance will drop through the week. For those without solid experience and tolerance, and even experienced users at times, this can be treacherous. Don't use a large dose after even a few days off. Start small. A great piece of advice is to split up a batch of tea, drinking a small amount, and waiting to see what effect it has. 60-90 minutes will be enough for you to feel the effects. Unless you know your seeds and what you're doing, don't gulp down your entire batch of tea in 30 seconds flat. DOSE TIMING If you're only using PST recreationally, I would recommend no more than 1 dose per week. At this level, you may have a chance at keeping this as a recreational thing without it spiraling. But the second you're starting to feel a compulsion to increase the frequency, addiction is at work and you're on the downward slope. In my position, I regularly use 2 doses per day for pain management. The first is often one larger dose, with 1-2 much smaller follow-up doses to get to where I need to be for pain relief and energy. In the afternoon after work, I'll use medium sized dose to top me up for the rest of the day. As with other painkillers, you will get extra pain relief if you're only spacing doses by a few hours, but if you're trying to get a second buzz for the day, I'd recommend no less than 8 hours between doses, and no more than 2 doses per day. This seems to be the amount of time your body needs to 'reset', it's been my rule of thumb for 15 years, it works for me. Even then, if you follow this daily, it won't take long before you're increasing your dose or needing a day or two off to lower your tolerance. Something I can say with reasonable certainty is that you can't take an initial dose, then do the same thing again in 2 hours time and expect another buzz. The body doesn't have unlimited chemicals to pump out every time you want to push the button. If I take my first dose of the day and it's weak, I know I can take a second dose which will elevate my energy levels, and that'll get me through the day. But it'll do little else. It's very important to keep in mind that PST is longer acting than many other forms of pain relief. Some people have said they get a full 24 hour effect from a dose.. I personally get a solid 6-8 hours. If you aren't spacing out your doses enough, you are putting yourself at risk of an overdose. Add in a second dose when the first is still acting on your system, and you're at risk of overdosing. This is common in methadone users, because of the long acting nature of that bastard of a drug. PREPARATION Any time I mention how much seed I personally use for a dose, this is NOT a recommended dose for anybody else. This is what I personally use at the 15 year mark to control significant pain. It is a STRONG dose, taken by someone with SIGNIFICANT tolerance and LOTS of experience. The seeds are quite viable, but definitely not 'strong', not even close to some of the pictures I've seen of other sources. As per the story at the beginning, my dose could quite easily kill somebody. START SMALL or don't start at all. Most people including myself stick to the bottle method. Some do this on a stove top but I've never tried, so I won't comment there. I personally use either a 1.5, or 2.25 litre Coke bottle and fill with seeds to the bottom edge of the wrap-around label. I use either room temperature Coke Zero / No Sugar (for the high pH), or hot tap water with some sort of flavoring. While I've had many good highs from using cold water or cold Coke, warm/hot liquid does seem to reliably increase the strength. Because of variable seed strength, you may not get a consistently better effect from hot water over cold, but I do think that hot water is the most effective. There has always been some disagreement over whether boiling water destroys the alkaloids, so to err on the side of caution I don't put anything with the seeds that would burn my hand. The seed-liquid ratio is hard to suggest, but you need to be able to freely shake the bottle without the mixture feeling like a slurry, or worse, wet cement. You need those seeds moving around without clumping up. Generally once I've shaken my bottle, the seeds will settle and there'll be roughly an inch of water above the seed line. The bottle needs to be shaken hard, for around 1-2 minutes. The objective is to strip as much of the alkaloid on the outside of the seed off as possible, and getting it strained into a cup, without taking so long that the seeds will be to absorb liquid (and alkaloids). As above, start small, drink 1/4 - 1/3 of your batch and see how you feel in 90 minutes. As you get more experienced you'll know what works. TASTE Poppy seed tea tastes like crap. It's hard to compare it to anything, but it should taste earthy, dirty, bitter. I've never met anyone who had anything nice to say about it. I've used sugar-free Coke for mine instead of water for a long time, and only just recently switched to plain water. You can add all sorts of things to make it taste better, fruit juice concentrates, teabags, sugar. Without any flavoring, you should be able to drink it with your nose blocked, unless you have a weak stomach. It's not nice, but no great drug tasted nice. The bitterness can sometimes indicate that you've made a strong batch, but DON'T put too much faith in that. I've had batches that were incredibly bitter and did nothing, while I got caught out with one that tasted about as strong as a 5th or 6th wash (not that I wash that many times), yet it knocked me on my ass out of nowhere, to the point that I wouldn't have been able to work without being obviously high. If you've water that is too hot, shaken the bottle for too long, or try to make a batch with yesterday's seeds, you'll get a distinct taste. It's hard to describe, but it tastes.. wrong. You'll notice a slightly fatty texture which is the seed's oils, and a vaguely organic decomposing smell. One smell/taste you can describe is the licorice odor that seeds give off when they've been in a bottle for a few days and started to pressurize the bottle. You'll smell it if you don't dispose of your seeds in 24-36 hours. Obviously these seeds are WELL beyond useless. Also, if you taste or smell anything 'chemical', get rid of the seeds. COLOR There are plenty of pictures on this sub showing what the color of good tea looks like. It should be cloudy, possibly with dirt and plant matter, and a beige to dark brown color. Two things to look out for - if it's milky white, that usually means seed oil, you've shaken too long or used water that is too hot. And if the water is completely clear, it's possible the seeds have been completely washed prior to sale (or worse, been used for tea and dried, then resold). NAUSEA Some people will experience stomach discomfort or nausea when taking recreational doses. Not all stomachs will thank you for dumping a large amount of foul tasting swill into them. It's worth noting this here, because a little nausea and discomfort isn't always an overdose symptom. You can usually ease the nausea by eating a small meal or a glass of milk prior, or during. Because of the reports of fat being able to increase opiate bioavailability, I would steer clear of really fatty foods here, carbs or protein will be safer. OVERDOSE I'm not an expert here, and the onus is on you, the user, to do your research on overdose symptoms before you experiment with ANY drug. But there are a few obvious ones that should never be ignored. Vomiting, slow breathing, reduced heart rate, vomiting, and nodding. If you're not familiar with nodding, it's nodding off to sleep. Think the stereotype of a heroin user in a movie. If your head is dipping, you're finding it hard to keep your eyes open, dropping off to sleep briefly.. you're in dangerous territory. IMPORTANT: Like any opiate, you should never take PST with any other CNS depressant drug: alcohol, benzodiazepines, other opiates/opioids, or sedatives. They can dramatically increase the likelihood of respiratory depression and OD. In layman's terms, this will likely play out with you nodding, falling asleep, your breathing will slow to the point of stopping completely, and you will die without intervention. PLEASE - spend 15 minutes looking into opiate/opioid overdose symptoms, and have a plan if you find yourself in trouble. Smart users have Narcan on their possession and somebody available to administer it. A large amount of overdoses happen when the user is alone, with nobody available to step in when things start going wrong. DISCRETION It can be difficult (but feasible) to keep preparation secret, if you're in that position. Shaking is noisy, but can be mitigated by wrapping the bottle in a blanket, masking with background noise, etc. Straining a bottle can cause cracking noises from deforming plastic, so my suggestion is not to squeeze the bottle too much. Squeeze out perhaps 10%, then with your hands wrapped around the bottle, you can manipulate the sides to suck in air and return to it's original shape, relatively quietly. If you squeeze to the point that the sides are touching, you'll make all sorts of cracking and snapping noises trying to get air back in so that the last of the liquid can be strained. I also try to keep the bottle upside down from start to finish, so that the liquids are always toward the exit. If you have to put the bottle down, try to place it with the cap down (and obviously closed). It seems intuitive to have the bottle right way up to refill with air, but this can cause problems getting every last drop out. The very last of the liquid will come out bubbling. This tells you you're at the end, and it can get a little noisy. When you hear this, squeeze gently or just call it, there's not much coming out at this point. Poppy seeds are small and get EVERYWHERE. Keep an eye out for them. If they're regularly showing up around a sink, toilet or elsewhere and spotted, they could tip somebody off. POTENTIATION There are numerous threads all across the internet with lists of potentiators that can increase the effects of your PST. I personally haven't found anything groundbreaking here. Dosing on an empty stomach is well known and does seem to be quite noticeable over dosing after eating. In my experience, I can only guess that, at best, there might be an extra 5-10% increase up for grabs using common potentiators quoted online, which I don't find very noticeable. If you're using responsibly and have the potentiator on hand, you might find something that works, but generally speaking, there aren't any silver bullets that'll make your PST appreciably stronger. Dextromethorphan (DXM) is purported to keep tolerance from rising, but only if you're using it daily in a therapeutic level, as recommended on the packet. Grapefruit juice is commonly recommended as a potentiator, and while it doesn't work for me, the medical professional who looked over this guide can attest that it does work. The simplified explanation is that it blocks the livekidney system from filtering the drug at the speed it normally does, thus increasing the amount in your blood. It's also important to note that Grapefruit juice has a wide range of interactions with other medications. It's not uncommon to see a prescription label with a warning not to drink Grapefruit juice while taking the prescribed medication. As with everything here, do your research. Definitely don't jump into potentiators until you're comfortable using PST on it's own. There are some things that will decrease, or negate the effects of PST. To start with, I get a better result with less liquid used. If you're using larger amounts of seed, you can halve the amount of liquid by splitting the seed between two bottles. Shake the first, strain into the second, strain into a cup. This puts the available alkaloids up for grabs across less area in the stomach. Consuming a large wash, followed by a large second wash, is likely to decrease the intensity. It's been said that eating a fatty meal after your dose can increase oral absorption of morphine somewhere in the range of +30%. In a thread in this sub, one user reported using peanut butter to achieve this. I'm yet to try this one. There are plenty of threads on potentiation to research if you want to go down this path. The safest bet is to prepare your tea, drink it, and wait. If you need to, sip some water, but do your best to just let your stomach do it's job without interruption. CONSTIPATION Constipation is a big part of opiate use, and it can be quite extreme with PST. I highly recommend the regular use of a gentle stool softener like Coloxal & Senna. Magnesium tablets are well known to have a laxative effect. Coffee has always helped me. My first of the morning generally gets things started. I can't really qualify this, but I've noticed personally that if I don't stay regular, then I won't get as much euphoria and energy from my dose. It's as though there needs to be free bowel space for the body to utilize the drug. YMMV. I personally don't fret if I miss a day, but I will postpone a dose if I haven't moved anything by day 3. There can be MAJOR consequences to constipation, the most immediate being fecal impaction. Do your research, this is important and if you're using PST regularly, you will have to deal with it. URINATING The majority of people I've talked to have had varying degrees of trouble peeing while on PST, mainly on heavier doses. I can't speak for women, but if I have problems (rare these days), one option is to pee with your pants down, at least around your thighs. You want to lose any restriction around your waist. I've also countered the problem by trying to get as far as I can standing, switching to sitting, and keep alternating, and things eventually get moving. There seems to be a mental aspect to this.. it's not something I can explain but I fare better in a private stall over standing next to a co-worker at a urinal. Keeping your mind clear helps.. I've found that sudden changes in thought or little body movements can cause all the pipes to snap shut. DISPOSAL Disposing of used seeds can be problematic. I've heard cases of clogged plumbing from washing them down the sink or toilet, and even a case where seeds stuck in the pipe below a sink beginning to sprout through the sink hole. I haven't come up with any good alternative that doesn't leave them out there for someone to find. I personally empty my bottles into a sink with good plumbing and a garbage disposal, with LOTS of running water. My major problem during much of my time has been that I prefer using Coke over tap water. There's a trap here: rather than using one designated bottle for seed, emptying it of seed, cleaning and re-using it, you just keep using the newly empty bottles of Coke, and get in to a loop where you accumulate a bunch of bottles filled with used seed. In a pinch, it can be hard to get rid of the large amount of seeds, clean the bottles out, and dispose of them discretely. I've been in numerous situations where I've accumulated a pile of full seed bottles and had to think fast in order to keep things secret. Keep on top of your used seeds regularly, and don't leave them around for someone to find, either in the house, or out in the world. Don't throw bottles full of seed in the garbage, empty them, wash the bottle and put them in the recycling. Be smart - that last thing anybody should be doing is advertising PST and putting a target on it. WITHDRAWAL Everyone is different. Withdrawal can be brutal, or in my most recent case, quite manageable. In my own experience, I know I'll need a few packets of Immodium (Loperamide) to handle the rebound diarrhea that happens when you come out of forced constipation. Exercise helps. Drink plenty of water. The sweats are made worse if you don't shower regularly. I've gotten quite lucky by being on the lower end of the scale here, but some people really suffer. You should consider this when before you decide if you want to try PST. Using it regularly, I guarantee you WILL end up in positions where you have to go through this. It happens in a hundred different ways and it's not a fun way to live if you don't have to. Protip: If you haven't got Immodium on hand, you can get a similar effect from a few tablespoons of Cornflour mixed with water or milk. It won't help with any other withdrawal symptoms, but it will help with the diarrhea. SCAMS Please do your research when buying seeds online, particularly from sites set up specifically to sell poppy seed. If someone is actively giving you a source for seed, then they'll either be genuine good peoples, which will come across in your messaging with them, or they have a vested interest. They may be legit, but at worst it may be an outright scam taking your money with no product to send, or they're trying to earn commission somehow. If a source is advertised or communicated here, look for other users with post history that can verify that they got their order and it was good quality. FINAL THOUGHTS One last time - PLEASE START SMALL, OR NOT AT ALL. I've spent more time on PST than other painkillers, and I can guarantee you that it WILL end up taking over your life. While I've managed to get through to manageable lifestyle on PST, it didn't come easy. Lots of supply dropout and forced withdrawal. Lots of time grappling with the need for pain relief versus feeling like a piece of shit drug addict. Lots of time considering how it's affected my life's story. The many compromises you need to make in your every day life to accommodate a drug habit. Don't advertise PST. Don't talk about it freely, unless you're with someone who also uses it. PST flies under the radar in many countries, but it's not completely invisible. This is Fight Club, don't talk about it. Thanks to everybody here who has contributed to the general body of knowledge.. you've all had a positive impact on my life. Stay safe and be kind! \** Note: If the Mods are happy for this post to remain up, I'll try to make a few edits for better reading, and make any changes that other Redditors/Mods thing should be made.* EDIT 1: Added section on Scams. EDIT 2: Added warning about CNS depressants to Overdose section. Thanks, Sunscript.
A Comprehensive PvP Analysis on the GBL Season 3 Move Rebalance
Hello again, fellow travelers! It's that PvP article guy (LXP and Community Day/Elite TM analysis), back with a look at the seemingly regular move shakeup we just got with the kickoff of GO Battle League's third season. It's not the seismic shift we've had during other past rebalances, but there IS still plenty to discuss! A disclaimer: I am examining these strictly from a PvP usability standpoint. Yes, there ARE some impacts in terms of raids and PVE damage rankings and all, but there are a myriad of other folks that already look into all that. I am a PvP analyst, so that's what I'll be focusing on here. One more note: while I usually try and bring in at least some information on shieldless and 2v2 shielding scenarios, I chose to stick with just the standard 1v1 shielding matchups in the sims below, partly because it still tells the story fine on its own and represents the pros and cons of the changes well, and also partly to spare you from this dragging on any longer than it already does! 😅 So without further ado, let's dive in, starting with the fast moves and working our way down. Buckle up!
SNOWBALL FIGHT!!
Arguably the biggest winner of all in this shakeup is a Pokémon that has long been the butt of jokes: Abomasnow. It has an intriguing Grass/Ice typing combination that seems like it should be good (resistances to Electric, Grass, Ground, and Water), but in the end is much more curse than blessing (vulnerable to seemingly everything under the sun: Bug, Fighting, Flying, Poison, Rock, Steel, and of course doubly weak to Fire). Add to that the fact that the best charge moves it could muster were Energy Ball (which isn't bad) and the slow Outrage or Blizzard, and not even a good energy generating move like POWDER SNOWcould get there fast enough to overcome its many Achilles' heels, relegating it to typically being a clumsy Razor Leafer. But Aboma just got a DOUBLE shot in the arm. First of all, Powder Snow got a straight buff in this update, going from the 2.0 Damage Per Turn and 4.0 Energy Per Turn it generated before to now 2.5 DPT and the same 4.0 EPT, making it a clone of the awesome Vine Whip and trailing just behind top notch moves Shadow Claw and Volt Switch with their 4.0 EPT and 3.0 DPT. No other move generates as much energy as Powder Snow while dealing any higher than 2.0 DPT, putting the new and improved Powder Snow in pretty elite company. Shoutout to fellow analyst u/ytxpikachu25 for pointing out that this buff means Aboma's Powder Snows each deal one more damage than before to Galarian Stunfisk, Bastiodon, Steelix, Cherrim, Escavalier, and Shiftry, among others. The other good news for Abomasnow is that it also recieved a new charge move in this update, and it's just what it needed most: an inexpensive move to pair with Energy Ball. Say hello to the only non-Castform recipient of Ice WEATHER BALL. Put that together with the improved Powder Snow and the steady Energy Ball from before, and what do you get? A genuine contender. That's an improvement of 20% to its previously best win total, specifically eight new wins--Cresselia, Dewgong, AS Tropius, Venusaur, Shiftry, Cherrim, Galvantula, and HaunteGengar--while still beating everything pre-buff "Obama" already could. Snowbama has finally arrived to occupy a chunk of the Great League stage. But Weather Ball is also a boon to Razor Leaf Abomasnow, improving on its previous best by adding several notable new wins like Cresselia, Probopass, Razor Leaf Tropius, and big bad Meganium, as well as greatly improving on wins versus Haunter and Sableye (30 and 50 more HP, respectively, after beating them with IWB). Ice Weather Ball immediately becomes one of the best moves in the game to pair with Razor Leaf, being spammy enough for even slow-charging Razor Leaf to get there--often even in multiples!--and offering very good coverage and giving RL Obama some good versatility. And there's more... there is also Shadow Abomasnow to consider, which seems to be all the rage so far in this early GBL season. It's both a little better and a little worse than regular Aboma. Sticking with Razor Leaf Abomashadow for the moment, new wins appear against Froslass, Ferrothorn, and Galvantula, though at the cost of giving up wins against Haunter and Hypno that non-Shadow Aboma gets. Digging a little deeper, while both regular and Shadow win against Cresselia, Mantine, Probopass, Tropius and others, regular Abomasnow gets out with more HP, often 20+ more, while Abomashadow doesn't escape with more remaining HP often at all, and even when it does, rarely for more than 5 or so more HP. And likewise with Powder Snow. Here, you can see right away that the case for Abomashadow is a little shakier, as it shows one less win than normal PS Aboma, but once again there's more to see when you peel back the layers. Shadow gets unique wins over Lapras, Toxicroak, and Galarian Stunfisk, all big names to be sure. But it also loses to Dewgong, Hypno, Cherrim, and Mew, all of which non-Shadow Aboma can take out. Personally, I still give the (slight) edge to non-Shadow Aboma in Great League, so don't fret if you don't have a good Abomashadow! But there is STILL more. Because while Abomasnow tops out below 2400 CP, it is now even a potential option in Ultra League, beating most notable Grasses, Charmers, Dragons (Dragonite AND potentially both Giratinas), Ghosts (Gengar and suddenly relevant Drifblim), and of course Waters like Swampert, Empoleon, Blastoise, and Feraligatr thanks to Energy Ball. Not bad! Maxing an Abomashadow would be painful, but it is worth noting that doing so could net you Cresselia and Snorlax (but you give up Granbull and Empoleon). I'm not saying a maxed Aboma is something I would outright recommend for Ultra League, but there are many worse ideas. So what's the verdict? In Great League, while it has been a laughing stock many times over, Abomasnow may now get the last laugh. With either fast move, Energy Ball and the new Ice Weather Ball have taken Aboma from plodding and unintimindating to spammy and terrifying overnight. You have probably run into at least one in this young GBL season already. It won't be the last. Abomasnow is now here to stay. Good news if you haven't invested yet: you can run with a cheaper, non-Shadow one and still be just fine, IMO. Check the slight differences above, but either snow white or dirty snow Aboma work well. Other Benefactors? While only Abomasnow recieved Ice Weather Ball, there are many Pokémon that have Powder Snow and stand to benefit.
Snowy Castform was probably a bit underrated already, but the buff to Powder Snow has the potential to take it to new, lofty heights. It's the only other 'mon that has Ice Weather Ball, and it makes very good use of it (and its above average bulk) to set up a killer Blizzard. SO good is this combination that Snowy can even beat things it really shouldn't, like Machamp and Skarmory, while also outlasting big bulky stuff like Umbreon, Munchlax, and Hypno... all assuming it gets the first shield with a bait. If not, hey, Snowy can still take down Flyers and Grasses and Charmers and Dragons and Mud Boys and things like Stunfisk and Haunter and Cresselia with just Weather Ball spam, and that's still pretty good. I haven't seen any yet myself, but expect them to start popping up as the season drags on. May want to consider investing yourself and getting ahead of the curve.
However, I still don't think this is enough to save Piloswine. Unlike Aboma, it just cannot seem to overcome its awful typing. (Ground and Ice just don't do each other many favors.) Even Mamoswine in the best possible circumstances ML Premier Cup just doesn't do enough for me to give any kind of endorsement to the Swines. Too bad. They really should be better with their good moves. If you've made them work for you, congrats, but it's really in spite of their typings that they find any success at all.
THROW A HEX ON THE WHOLE FAMILY
Yes, this 40-year-old white boy is throwing out a Puff Daddy (and The Notorious B.I.G. and Lil' Kim) lyrical reference... what of it? 😎 Powder Snow got buffed, but it's not the only fast move that did. Two moves recieved a straight buff to their energy generation, from 3.67 EPT to a simpler 4.0 EPT, and one of those, as you likely surmised by now, is long-forgotten Ghost move HEX. While still strictly inferior to well-known Ghost move Shadow Claw (which has the same energy generation but deals 50% more damage--3.0 rather than Hex's 2.0--per turn), this improvement at least makes Hex usable, now sporting the same stats as Fury Cutter and Spark. Not the greatest of moves, fair enough, but viable for anything that has Hex but cannot use Shadow Claw instead. And even this small tweak is a boon to several Pokémon, propelling them up the ranks. Probably the biggest beneficiary is Drifblim. A standout star early in the now-ending Silph Arena Season 2, back then Blim relied on big Shadow Balls baited out with a still-useful-then Ominous Wind. Its non-Ghost move, Icy Wind, was buffed in another move update in December, but still mostly ignored until Ominous Wind was itself nerfed in yet ANOTHER move rebalancing in April. (Yeah, Niantic has been pretty rebalance-happy the last few months. 😓) Anyway, all that to say that despite the goings-on with its charge moves, Drifblim never really broke out fully. Hex was (and still is) its only viable fast move, and frankly, that held it back, with it losing several close matchups, just not quite being able to get over the hump and dying before it could let loose with its own winning charge moves. No longer. With Hex now generating a bit more energy more quickly, Drifblim is rising again. As you would probably expect, it handles Psychics and Fighters and even other Ghosts (not named Haunter) quite capably, though that wasn't always the case... it used to lose to Jirachi and Alolan Marowak with the old Hex stats, but now beats both, and convincingly. It also adds Registeel (granted, the nerf Regi faces don't help, but still), Azumarill, and Ferrothorn to the win column. And again, all that with just a 0.33 boost in energy generation per turn. And Blim still handles Grasses and Swampert and even traditional Flying killer Melmetal as it did before, with each win obviously coming a bit easier (read as: with more remaining HP afterwards) than it did before. And it gets even better, as with very good PvP IVs, Drifblim can even emerge victorious over Skarmory, Galarian Stunfisk, Mantine, and Altaria. The difference in Ultra League (yes, viable there too!) is a bit more subtle, as the only new win it really picks up against the core meta is Charizard, but as in Great League, it has more HP remaining in its wins, including about 50 more against Ferrothorn and as much as 90 more HP remaining against Cresselia. So what's the verdict? Drifblim was arguably better than people gave it credit for already, but the buff to Hex can lead to some HUGE new wins (especially Azu, Regi, and potentially even Altaria) in Great League and more consistency overall. Give it another look... Blim may surprise you, and at least early in the GBL season, your opponent as well! Other Benefactors? Not everything that has Hex stands to benefit, as most still have better fast moves, but there are a few dark horses....
Castform has cropped up here and there, and for good reason, but I bet you've never seen a Normal-type Castform in battle. Well little known fact: while the other Castforms get an on-type fast move, Normal Casty has only the terrible Tackle and... Hex, of all things. Combined with Normal-type Weather Ball and either Energy Ball or Hurricane, Castform still doesn't wow with its volume of wins, but it at least gets some good ones in there, such as Cresselia, Swampert, Meganium, Stunfisk, Whiscash, Cherrim, Venusaur, Tropius, and of course Ghosts like Haunter and A-Wak and Froslass and Drifblim. It's a spice option, to be sure, but one that does enough to at least think about.
Dusclops is another that has long been buried behind other Pokémon of its type. It's sort of the Hitmonchan of Ghosts, with all manner of "Punch" charge moves, namely Fire, Ice, and Shadow. And yes, its best fast move is Hex. Combining the two elemental Punches for the best of both worlds, Dusclops has always been capable of beating stuff like the major Fighters, most all Grasses, and a smattering of Psychics (DDeoxys, AhChu, etc.) and Steels (Melmetal, Skarmory, etc.) and things like Altaria too. With the charge moves coming a little bit faster now, you can add Venusaur and Registeel to the win column as well. And yes, Shadow Clops is a viable alternative, giving up several Grass wins to instead gain the Stunfisks and Hypno. Either way, while Dusclops does not have blow-you-away numbers, there are some good wins in there that could give Dusclops a place on the right team.
AND UH... INFESTATION
Yeah, not even a catchy title for this one, because honestly, the ripples from the buff to INFESTATION are rather small. It got the same treatment as Hex (going from 3.67 EPT to 4.0 EPT, with the same 2.0 DPT), but there just aren't any particularly interesting Pokémon that actually want it, even in its improved state. The top ones that can even HAVE Infestation are Beedrill (wants Poison Jab), Tangrowth (definitely wants Vine Whip, which is strictly better), Cradily and Jumpluff (not since Bullet Seed was buffed!), and then you're into things like Muk and Drapion which I can't see ever choosing Infestation over their other fast moves. This is mostly just a boon to fringe options like Weezing and Garbodor and Swalot. At least that last one has SOME potential... wins over Fighters and Grasses and Darks and Charmers and tanky Psychics and even Azumarill all make you at least go "hmmmm". But truthfully, the buff to Infestation, while certainly welcome, isn't dragging new stuff to the top of the meta anytime soon.
LAND OF THE DEE (BUFF), HOME OF THE BRAVE (BIRDS)
And now probably the move that will cause the most ongoing debate, because while BRAVE BIRD got a huge damage buff (formerly 55 energy for 90 damage, and now 55 for a whopping 130), there is a steep penalty: a drop of three stages (nearly 50%) of the user's Defense stat. I talked about this some recently with the only other move to carry a -3 drop in the game so far: Victini's V-Create. If you can charge two and fire them in close succession, you can drastically mitigate at least the initial pain of so drastically crushing your Pokémon's bulk. But V-Create costs 40 energy... and Brave Bird costs 55, so that's going to be much harder to pull off. Fortunately, there are a couple birds with fast moves that get there quickly. Honchkrow has Snarl, one of the fastest charging fast moves in the game. And perhaps even better, Honch also has the mighty Sky Attack, which can be sprung a bit earlier to hopefully bait a shield and leave you 10 energy closer to a Brave Bird than double charging BB allows. Sky Attack also obviously has no drawbacks as far as debuffing goes, so you can rely on it more fully and save BB for big moments. There was no reason to ever use Brave Bird before, and so Honchkrow instead relied on Dark Pulse for its second move, which was okay-ish but left Honch as a very fringey option. Now, though, it has the potential to fly quite high with double Flying moves. You might expect Honch to lose a matchup or two by shedding its one and only Dark charge move, but amazingly that's not the case at all... it actually holds or improves upon every win it got with Dark Pulse (meaning has the same HP or more left over at the end), and tacks on wins versus Whiscash, Ferrothorn, Umbreon, Zweilous, Tropius, Toxicroak, and Altaria. That's mighty impressive, and I feel very confident calling Brave Bird--even just the threat of Brave Bird--a clear improvement for Honchkrow in Great League. And the improvement is even more striking in Ultra League, with Honchkrow again holding the (shaky) line established with Dark Pulse and just adding to it, with Poliwrath, Swampert, Typhlosion, Scizor, Escavalier, Feraligatr, Charizard, and Dragonite all now falling to Honch. So what's the verdict? Honchkrow just become meta before our eyes. It may take people a little while to catch on in Great League, but expect to see it start to emerge here and there and possibly be more common by the time Ultra rolls around. It's an expensive investment for Ultra, needing to be leveled into the upper 30s, but it's not a crazy idea to do so. Other Benefactors? Part of the reason Brave Bird works so well for Honch is that it has that second, threatening charge move (Sky Attack) that it can mostly rely on and reserve Brave Bird for the most opportune moment. Not all Pokémon have that option, so how does this affect them?
Skarmory has been very meta in Great League from the moment PvP arrived in the game, a rare centerpiece of GBL and Silph Arena teams alike. But if there's been one knock on it, it's been Skarmory's lack of a truly impactful second charge move to go with its own Sky Attack. To this point, if another move had any place, it was Flash Cannon to try and at least maim (though rarely actually flip) some of its harder counters like Bastiodon and Probopass. But especially with Flash Cannon now getting a slight nerf (which we'll look into more later), I think the second move you want now is Brave Bird. As compared to Flash Cannon, BB can pick up wins over Hypno, Lapras, Ferrothorn, Whiscash, Ferrothorn, Munchlax, and the mirror match versus FC Skarm. As with Honchkrow, BB works well here because Skarmory can do plenty of work with Sky Attack and save Brave Bird as a knockout move. Skarm was already good, but just got a little bit scarier.
I already wrote aboutGalarian Farfetch'd back when it was introduced to the game, and now it's back as a possible reward encounter in GO Battle League starting at Rank 7. Back then, I was already leaning towards Brave Bird for closing power, paired with Leaf Blade, giving it wins over Mud Boys, most Grasses, most big Fighters (Cham, Croak, etc.), Stunfisk, and Azumarill and Zweilous and even Probopass. But now, with BB being an even more beastly closer, all the changes are positive ones, with G-Fetch'd now able to take down Umbreon, Sableye, DDeoxys, Froslass, Tropius (with either fast move), Ferrothorn, and even Melmetal. And just like that, Galarian Farfetch'd has gone from fringe to potential meta option in Great League. Of course, some of those wins only come with Leaf Blade baiting a shield or two, but honestly, there's not much that wants to take a Blade to the face either. G-Fetch'd is one to keep an eye on now.
It's still kind of on the fringe, but Legacy Wing Attack Pidgeot with the souped up Brave Bird is a clear improvement on the Hurricane variant, with BB keeping (and often improving on) all the same wins, plus Altaria and the also-improved Drifblim. It's more on par with Noctowl now, though still trails Mr. Owl slightly and probably needs a more limited meta than wide open GBL (say, a Silph Cup) to really shine. But if you really like Pidgeot, then sure, you can use it and succeed with it on the right team, and that just got a bit easier.
The other Pokémon with Brave Bird either don't typically want it (Blaziken, Braviary) or just aren't good enough for BB to save them now. One possible exception is Ho-Oh in Master League. The only truly meta things it could beat before were Heatran, Metagross, Mamoswine, Snorlax, and (just barely) Groudon. Now that close win against Groudon turns into a much more sure bet, and new potential wins show up against Togekiss, Garchomp, and even Gyarados (WITH future CD move Aqua Tail). But MAN, does Ho-Oh still desperately need a better fast move. Free him from this purgatory, Niantic!
There is one more big bird that gets Brave Bird, but I want to break it down separately... right now!
BRAVIARY IN ACTION
I looked into Braviary shortly after Rufflet arrived in the game, but with pre-tweaked Brave Bird and slow charging Heat Wave as the only moves to go alongside the all-but-necessary Rock Slide, it just didn't do enough to deserve a full writeup. But now it gets CLOSE COMBAT, which makes it at least a little more intriguing should it ever arrive in small enough form to fit in Great League, gaining new wins over Galarian Stunfisk, Swampert, Munchlax, and potentially even Registeel. But in Ultra League, it makes a few more inroads, with Close Combat bringing home new wins over Empoleon, Obstagoon, and Alolan Muk. Or you can bring the reworked BRAVE BIRD into the mix and reach for Altered Giratina, Typhlosion, and fellow buffed Pokémon Drifblim, while still holding on to Obstagoon and Empoleon (though A-Muk may slip away). And while Braviary crosses the 3000 CP threshold and can do some work in Master League (and a bit more in ML Premier Cup), now preferring Rock Slide again, it has a rather niche role. So what's the verdict? Eh, I like the potential of Braviary in Great League and Master League more than the actual win/loss columns. A Flyer with moves that cover many of its toughest counters (Close Combat for Rocks and Ices) and counter fellow Flyers (Rock Slide, which doubles up on Ices and provides other good coverage) is going to matter at some point, just perhaps more in The Silph Arena than in GBL. But in Ultra League, there may be something to it, especially in the projected Ultra League Premier Cup. Consider prepping one now to get ahead of the curve. Put those GBL Rufflet candies to good use!
PECK TO THE SIDES, TO THE FRONT, TO THE BACK
🎼 Well, look at old Jim, he's pecking on his back! ♩ Peckin' to me is a lot of fun, ♫ Well, you peck one, and I'll peck one, well, we'll all peck one! ♪ You peck to the east, and then you peck to the west, 🎶 Then you peck, peck, peck 'til you've pecked your best. ♭ Well, then okay, well, a-hey, hey, ♬ We'll peck up, we'll peck up, we'll peck up the floor, Yeah! Apologies to Cab Calloway, but you knew I'd have to have ONE butchered song in here! Anyway, let's talk DRILL PECK. It's a very rare move, available on only two viable Pokémon in PvP: Zapdos, and as of the start of Season 3, Empoleon. Zapdos first. I already wrote about Thunder Shock Zapdos to kick off my early review of Elite TM targets, so rather than rehashing all that, would encourage you to go read that again. I'll wait. ... ... ...you back? Okay, good. Because with Drill Peck now dealing five more damage (65 now, 60 previously) for the same low 40 energy cost, Zapdos is even a little bit better now. Shadow Zapdos in Great League picks up a new win against Medicham (the little bit of extra damage from Drill Peck finishing Cham off before it can reach a second Ice Punch). I didn't see any significant new wins in Ultra or Master (though feel free to point them out if you know of any!), but it does give Zapdos a little more elbow room in some of its wins. I wouldn't say this tweak is now the reason to suddenly start using Zapdos (the fact that you could get Thunder Shock in any league was that reason), but if you already planned to, the improvements to Drill Peck make Zappy a hair better overall. The bigger story is perhaps Empoleon, you FINALLY gets a coverage move against the Fighters and Grasses that plague it. The best thing it had to combine with Hydro Cannon before was Flash Cannon, which just got nerfed a bit. Drill Peck gives it a new win over Aboma(powder)snow and brings Azumarill to well within the margin of error, though without Flash Cannon you DO lose out on Altaria. in Ultra League, Empie with Drill Peck maintains its current roles and adds wins against Dragonite and now Shadow Abomasnow, while in Master League, Empoleon basically stays where it was, since it usually only needs Hydro Cannon anyway. (Though the hard-to-sim coverage against Fighters is nice to have, so I'd still call this a gain.) Nothing awe-inspiring, but overall, this makes Empoleon a mostly better version of itself. So what's the verdict? This isn't a huge change, and that shows in the minutia in the win/loss changes. But it IS a straight upgrade for Zapdos, and gives Empoleon the best move it has had yet to pair with Hydro Cannon. While the loss to Altaria in GL is unfortunate, I think I still give it a thumbs up as the second move to roll with on Empoleon moving forward. Other Benefactors? Honestly, not really. Murkrow and Dodrio get Drill Peck, but they still don't really have any play. Zapdos and now Empoleon are the beginning and end of the Drill Peck book.
GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, GREAT BALLS OF...WATER?
So with stats (~125 Attack, 127 Defense, 113 HP) basically the same as Togekiss and overall comparable to things like Venusaur and Cherrim, it's not that Pelipper doesn't have what it takes to hang in there in Great League. The problem has always been the complete lack of any charge moves cheaper than Hurricane and its 65 energy requirement. Sure, Hydro Pump and Blizzard are awesome when they hit, and Wing Attack (3.5 Energy Per Turn) in particular generates energy fast enough to get there at some point, but Pump and Blizzard both cost 75 energy. What Pelipper has so desperately needed is a bait/spam move, and now it finally has it with Water WEATHER BALL. So while Pelipper has been quite pathetic to this point, with WWB, suddenly it doesn't look too shabby. With just Wing Attack and WWB alone (so no baits), it can eliminate Registeel, Mud Boys Swampert and Whiscash, Galarian Stunfisk, Shiftry, A-Wak, Haunter, and basically anything Fighting, a very good start. Bringing in Hurricane (still the best bet as the second move) you can add on things like Azumarill, Lapras, Tropius, and Cherrim, plus Mantine with good bulk IVs. Not the greatest Flying Water type ever--I'd still say, in Great League, that that title rests with Mantine itself)--but Pelipper is legit close to that... and Mantine doesn't usually get Registeel. You also have the option of Water Gun rather than Wing Attack, losing 0.5 EPT but gaining 0.5 DPT and a steadier dose of Water-type damage, which is worse overall BUT does gain things like Probopass and a better showing against A-Marowak and Registeel while giving up Grasses, Lapras, and Azumarill. Like I said, it's worse, but it IS an option and may be better in certain limited formats like future Silph Arena Cups. For now, just something to keep in mind... towards the back. So what's the verdict? Wing Attack/Water Weather Ball/Hurricane Pelipper has some legit play, with some very good wins under its belt, uh, beak, from Mud Boys to Fighters to Ghosts to G-Fisk to Registeel and even some of the biggest of big name Grasses. It's sort of a mini-Mantine, one that may even be better on certain teams and/or in certain more-restricted-than-GBL formats. Recommend looking for a good Wingull and making a Pelipper out of it when you're able.
...AND ALL THE REST
BLIZZARD got a slight buff to damage without costing any more, which is nice. Skull Bash, Gunk Shot, and Hydro Pump all deal 130 damage for 75 energy, and that's where Blizzard used to be too, but it now surpasses them by dealing 140 damage for the same cost. The problem is that, even after this, most things that have Blizzard don't actually want it. Lapras is STILL better off with Skull Bash for the neutral coverage, Articuno prefers Hurricane still for similar reasons, and even newly buffed Abomasnow and Pelipper have better alternatives. Kyogre and Milotic and Regice appreciate the buff in Master League, but it's really just a "kill more" finisher now that I don't see suddenly leading to new wins they wouldn't have gotten already. It's nice to have but you likely won't see a big difference in success rates with things that use Blizzard.
Poor Registeel. I mean, not that I really feel too bad, since I hate that big dumb doorknob with every fiber of my PvP player being, but it gets a double whammy with FLASH CANNON AND FOCUS BLAST both getting nerfed. Cannon still deals the same 110 damage, but now for 5 more energy, making those races to the next charge move a little harder now, and Blast still costs the same but deals 10 less damage, making it harder to turn the tables against Regi's biggest counters. I think it will come out fine in both Great League... it's still very powerful and still beats many of the things it always did, it's just a bit more mortal now. There are more troubling signs in Ultra League though, with new losses showing against Origin Giratina, Meganium, Snorlax, and Lickilicky and slight (though expected) dip in performance in many of its other wins. I DO think you'll still see plenty of it though, and should, as it's still very potent and downright oppressive in many matchups. Love Regi or hate it, if you're honest with yourself, you have to admit that kicking Regi back a small step should be good for the game in the end.
Similarly, the Flash Cannon nerf is a slight hit to things like Ferrothorn (and makes me reconsider my formerly wise decision to roll with it on my Bastiodon, primarily for the mirror) and the nerf to Focus Blast hurts things that like it as a closer, like Gengar and Mewtwo, but they're not really going to go anywhere. This irks them and their users, sure, but their places in their respective metas is still very secure. With Focus Blast in particular, keep in mind that the 75 energy for 140 damage it has been reduced to is still better than any other 75-cost move except (just promoted) Blizzard. Blast was pretty overpowered already, so like Registeel, this is just bringing it back to the rest of the pack a bit, and was probably overdue.
TL;DR
Yes, as it says in the title, this is a comprehensive (read as: LONG) analysis article, but I know some people just want to skip to the end and get a summary. So before you ask, this is for you:
Abomasnow is now a very real part of the Great and Ultra League metas, especially Powder Snow variants. Look for regular AND Shadow to start popping up, as both are quite viable. Snowy Castform is scary in Great League now as well.
Drifblim had a few close losses with old Hex that now flip to wins with new Hex, and it too is notably improved in Great and Ultra Leagues. Be on the lookout, and remember that in addition to powerful Shadow Ball, it also totes around Icy Wind. Shield accordingly.
The changes to Brave Bird seem to be mostly a net gain for Honchkrow and Skarmory, who both now want it as the second move they've been waiting for to run alongside Sky Attack. It works well for them because SA still does most of the heavy lifting, with BB being primarily a closeout move, thus mitigating the steep -3 Defense drop.
You should finally be able to put all those GBL reward Rufflets to good use, as Braviary looks viable in all three leagues. In Great League, it doesn't really want Brave Bird (preferring Rock Slide and the new Close Combat instead), but BB serves it well in the bigger leagues.
The slight buffs to Drill Peck and Infestation are nice to have, but don't change much for those that use them. Empoleon appreciates it for coverage, especially in Ultra League, but the needle doesn't move very far.
Registeel will be fine. Not quite as dominant now, which is a good thing really, but still very good despite nerfs to both of its primary charge moves. Reports of its demise have been greatly exaggerated.
And that's a wrap, folks! I did quite a bit of analysis on all this over the last two days, and while this is an informed opinion, it is still just that: my opinion. Hopefully it helps, but take that for what it's worth! Alright, I'll bow out now and let you get back to your day and your GBL matches. Thanks for sticking with me through this and other long articles I have written. I appreciate your time and attention, and sincerely hope this assists you in navigating these new GBL waters. For more PvP tidbits, you can find me on Twitter for near-daily PvP analysis nuggets, or Patreon and its tie-in exclusive Discord servesecret lair. And please, feel free to comment here with your own thoughts or questions and I'll try to get back to you! Stay safe out there, Pokéfriends. Thanks again for reading, and catch you next time!
Due to a busier than normal schedule this is today's second WR update. Lets see what happened in yesterday's battles. Announcement: Quote of the Day Upgrade So, for those that read my regular write-ups of the games, you'll know that I have recently added a feature where my favourite comment of the day from the card battle posts receives 50 tokens to put towards card packs or trades. I narrow it down to my favourite comments on each battle, then pick what I consider the most interesting, funny, or noteworthy from the favourites. Well I have been approached by one of the CBL Overlords with a gift from upon high. Not only will the best comment that I quote receive 50 tokens, the best of the rest will also receive 20 tokens. So now there's even more chance of topping up your currency that only counts on this sub :) Not only that, but Sharpus has also confirmed that this will be backdated to the start of the week, so will count for the earlier quotes from Monday. Keep those comments coming and don't forget I give extra consideration to replies - we want discussion! Sorry Sarc, Emma Watson was the top headliner of the day! Premier League Wizardora...we adore her....she's the one with the wand stuck up her...ok, perhaps only the Brits of a certain age will remember the magical woman from kids TV that waved a wand. But it seems the wicked witch of childhoods recently passed have been voting in their droves for the finale for Emma Watson and Jennifer Lawrence. Love her or loathe her, Emma has won every game in the season and is the Season 3 champion. Jennifer Lawrence, trailing behind by 49 votes suffers defeat, but to lose against the best is not something to be ashamed of, even if she did lose against 7 of the best and will be relegated to League 2. Silver lining, Jennifer Lawrence has gained a place for performing better than expected(!) and now sits in 58th. Unless something shocking happens over the next couple of days, Emma Watson will remain in second place but slightly closer to Scarlett Johansson. u/TheSnickerdoodleKid
This one is just a formality. Emma is the champion and Jennifer is being relegated. That said, while I'm no big fan of Emma, I do happen to like this photo of her and I'm choosing her over Jennifer. JLaw probably fits better one tier down. Who knows if she'll be promoted again by I guess it's just an honor to compete against the best.
This may have been a formality for the season, but in the World Rankings, every battle counts...except for the card battles...ok, almost every battle counts! League 2 Two stars of Disney owned franchises battle for honour and glory in league 2, with Daisy Ridley taking on Hayley Atwell. Both very much deserving of a win, both with varying qualities. The force was strong with Ridley however taking a 31 vote lead. Daisy manages to stay static so far in 29th place, whilst Atwell drops 8 points into 350th. Happy cakeday to u/whatsthedill for providing us with what was on his mind:
This is my dream celeb 3some.
One of many for me...but I'm not greedy :) League 3 Meg Griffin takes on Selena Gomez in Tuesday's League 3 match. Both cute and horny with assets you could only dream about getting your hands on, Sharpus and Sarc prepared this battle for us. Mila Kunis won this by a 22 vote lead. Gomez drops 3 into 19th whilst Mila climbs 5 back into the top 10 in 9th place. u/willrelf1992
My choice: Selena - I love Mila and that figure, but Selena was amongst my favourites for a while and I cannot look past that when she still looks so good! Prediction: Another one I think I went for a draw on in my “bet”, but now I think Selena might narrowly take it. 😂
Sorry if this one lost your accumulator, but at least you can enjoy 20 tokens for your insight. League 4 Blake Lively and Victoria Justice have it off...er...out for the fourth league. Blake may be a gossip queen, but to my genuine shock, she wasn't queen of the votes this time around as Justice was served...against Blake, with a 25 vote difference. This wasn't enough to secure Victoria's top 10 position who has dropped 1 so far into 11th. Blake remains static in 48th. u/sissykate9001
Victoria's got the face, and though she has an amazing body, Blake has an absolutely banging body. This is a hard one, but when I think 'hot', I think body, so I'll have to give it to Blake.
League 5A Both petite, both got cushions in the right places, and one looks slightly more cuddly than the other, Hayden Panettiere and Alison Brie battle in league 5A. It wasn't the biggest of margins, but Brie showed that she can best the indestructible one with a 17 vote lead. Brie climbs 2 into 37th whilst Hayden drops 21 into 306th. u/ic_fury
I'm voting for Hayden P but I doubt she has any chance against Alison Brie. That said, Hayden is still my favorite even though there are a few others "knocking on the door". (Wouldn't THAT be nice?! lol)
League 5B Kate Mara and Liz Gillies got you talking more than any other pairing yesterday and it's not hard to see why. Liz had her Gillies on display and Kate seemed keen to show you her Mara for a vote or two (did that work?). Ultimately, it was Mara's charm that seemed to attract the votes as she stormed forward with 47 more votes in her arse-nal. Despite the strong win, Kate drops 1 place into 20th so far this week whilst Gillies gains a place stopping at 372. u/OTT_4TT
I like the picture of Kate, but I wouldn't say it is her best one by any means. She is just spectacular in terms of her looks and she could be covered in mud and I'd still vote for her. Hahaha!
Now that would be a battle worth watching - Mara and Gillies wrestling in the mud. Transitional League One one of the few rare occasions where I have had to vote for both celebs, Anne Hathaway battled against Keira Knightley. The busty beauty vs the non-busty beauty - both are stunning and what each lack, they make up just for being them. Perhaps Anne was unfortunate with the lighting or we're so used to airbrushing, but she seemed to lose out on a few votes due to a slightly more aged appearance than we were expecting. Would she have made much of a recovery of those 24 votes in Keira's favour if different photos were used? Well, unless we can watch an alternate reality vote where the only difference in the universe was the photo used for Anne, we'll never know. Anne drops 10 into 47th whilst Knightley climbs 4 into 21st place. u/rocketmanx
I predict a very tight match here, if not an outright draw. Both have incredibly beautiful faces, but I'm going with Anne because she has big, beautiful...eyes.
That she does. Conference Premier A Pam from the Office takes on Milana from the Vayntrub in their last battle this season. Fischer has had a strong following this season that has seen her do ok, although nothing was more shocking than when she won against (VOTE!) Rebel. Leading by only 9 points, Jenna Fischer takes the win. Jenna stays static at 35th whilst Milana performed higher than expected and climbs 3 into 356th. u/tobaccoroadeagle
milana for the win here. if we change up her picture for next season i think she'll do much better - it's just tough to choose because she has so many different "looks" that appeal to different swaths of society
It's not the first time I've heard criticism for Milana's pic. Some for her outfit, and some for the way it makes her face look a little overly square-jawed. Who knows, next season she may win her place back to this level with a new pic. Conference Premier B Candice and her Swanepoels have been very popular this season, winning 5 out of the 6 games she has played so far. Stacy and her Keiblers have also managed to be popular in the comments, but the votes haven't gone her way, losing 5 and drawing one. The tide has...not turned this match and Candice has won by 48 votes ensuring her promotion whilst Keibler will be taking part in a new lower league next season! World-Rankings: Candice climbs 2 into 16th, her new personal best! Keibler remains three-hundred-and-funny-sex-numberth u/JustSoGinger
Swanepoel is a new name to me, never heard of her before this sub, she's super hot though, I can see why she's been doing so well!
Quote of the Day A day of more serious comments which is unusual but great to see that discussions were taking off from one or two of the comments and I have recognised that where I could in my favourites. For the inadvertent hot imagery the 50 tokens goes to u/OTT_4TT, whilst everyone else quoted above wins 20 tokens each. Top 10 More changes for day 2 of the final week. The biggest shocker is that the Inter-Titty-Cup 2nd place winner is close to being knocked out of the top 10! Will she beat Scarlett later this week by enough points to keep her place? How are your favourites doing? Any predictions for the remainder of the week? https://preview.redd.it/9cvultf1uyo51.png?width=454&format=png&auto=webp&s=2121a9b76c940c3819b082e4b4bcfb2ce4be86f6
Hello again, folks! I know I've been somewhat quiet the last couple weeks, but that does mean I've been idle! I'm back with a look at the seemingly regular move shakeup we just got with the kickoff of GO Battle League's third season. It's not the seismic shift we've had during other past rebalances, but there IS still plenty to discuss! One quick disclaimer before we jump in: while I usually try and bring in at least some information on shieldless and 2v2 shielding scenarios, I chose to stick with just the standard 1v1 shielding matchups in the sims below, partly because it still tells the story fine on its own and represents the pros and cons of the changes well, and also partly to spare you from this dragging on any longer than it already does! 😅 So without further ado, let's dive in, starting with the fast moves and working out way down. Buckle up!
SNOWBALL FIGHT!!
Arguably the biggest winner of all in this shakeup is a Pokémon that has long been the butt of jokes: Abomasnow. It has an intriguing Grass/Ice typing combination that seems like it should be good (resistances to Electric, Grass, Ground, and Water), but in the end is much more curse than blessing (vulnerable to seemingly everything under the sun: Bug, Fighting, Flying, Poison, Rock, Steel, and of course doubly weak to Fire). Add to that the fact that the best charge moves it could muster were Energy Ball (which isn't bad) and the slow Outrage or Blizzard, and not even a good energy generating move like POWDER SNOWcould get there fast enough to overcome its many Achilles' heels, relegating it to typically being a clumsy Razor Leafer. But Aboma just got a DOUBLE shot in the arm. First of all, Powder Snow got a straight buff in this update, going from the 2.0 Damage Per Turn and 4.0 Energy Per Turn is generated before to now 2.5 DPT and the same 4.0 EPT, making it a clone of the awesome Vine Whip and trailing just behind top notch moves Shadow Claw and Volt Switch with their 4.0 EPT and 3.0 DPT. No other move generates as much energy as Powder Snow while dealing any higher than 2.0 DPT, putting the new and improved Powder Snow in pretty elite company. Shoutout to fellow analyst u/ytxpikachu25 for pointing out that this buff means Aboma's Powder Snows each deal one more damage than before to Galarian Stunfisk, Bastiodon, Steelix, Cherrim, Escavalier, and Shiftry, among others. The other good news for Abomasnow is that it also recieved a new charge move in this update, and it's just what it needed most: an inexpensive move to pair with Energy Ball. Say hello to the only non-Castform recipient of Ice WEATHER BALL. Put that together with the improved Powder Snow and the steady Energy Ball from before, and what do you get? A genuine contender. That's an improvement of 20% to its previously best win total, specifically eight new wins--Cresselia, Dewgong, AS Tropius, Venusaur, Shiftry, Cherrim, Galvantula, and HaunteGengar--while still beating everything pre-buff "Obama" already could. Snowbama has finally arrived to occupy a chunk of the Great League stage. But Weather Ball is also a boon to Razor Leaf Abomasnow, improving on its previous best by adding several notable new wins like Cresselia, Probopass, Razor Leaf Tropius, and big bad Meganium, as well as greatly improving on wins versus Haunter and Sableye (30 and 50 more HP, respectively, after beating them with IWB). Ice Weather Ball immediately becomes one of the best moves in the game to pair with Razor Leaf, being spammy enough for even slow-charging Razor Leaf to get there--often even in multiples!--and offering very good coverage and giving RL Obama some good versatility. And there's more... there is also Shadow Abomasnow to consider, which seems to be all the rage so far in this early GBL season. It's both a little better and a little worse than regular Aboma. Sticking with Razor Leaf Abomashadow for the moment, new wins appear against Froslass, Ferrothorn, and Galvantula, though at the cost of giving up wins against Haunter and Hypno that non-Shadow Aboma gets. Digging a little deeper, while both regular and Shadow win against Cresselia, Mantine, Probopass, Tropius and others, regular Abomasnow gets out with more HP, often 20+ more, while Abomashadow doesn't escape with more remaining HP often at all, and even when it does, rarely for more than 5 or so more HP. And likewise with Powder Snow. Here, you can see right away that the case for Abomashadow is a little shakier, as it shows one less win than normal PS Aboma, but once again there's more to see when you peel back the layers. Shadow gets unique wins over Lapras, Toxicroak, and Galarian Stunfisk, all big names to be sure. But it also loses to Dewgong, Hypno, Cherrim, and Mew, all of which non-Shadow Aboma can take out. Personally, I still give the (slight) edge to non-Shadow Aboma in Great League, so don't fret if you don't have a good Abomashadow! But there is STILL more. Because while Abomasnow tops out below 2400 CP, it is now even a potential option in Ultra League, beating most notable Grasses, Charmers, Dragons (Dragonite AND potentially both Giratinas), Ghosts (Gengar and suddenly relevant Drifblim), and of course Waters like Swampert, Empoleon, Blastoise, and Feraligatr thanks to Energy Ball. Not bad! Maxing a Abomashadow would be painful, but it is worth noting that doing so could net you Cresselia and Snorlax (but you give up Granbull and Empoleon). I'm not saying a maxed Aboma is something I would outright recommend for Ultra League, but there are many worse ideas. So what's the verdict? In Great League, while it has been a laughing stock many times over, Abomasnow may now get the last laugh. With either fast move, Energy Ball and the new Ice Weather Ball have taken Aboma from plodding and unintimindating to spammy and terriftying overnight. You have probably run into at least one in this young GBL season already. It won't be the last. Abomasnow is now here to stay. Good news if you haven't invested yet: you can run with a cheaper, non-Shadow one and still be just fine, IMO. Check the slight differences above, but either snow white or dirty snow Aboma work well. Other Benefactors? While only Abomasnow recieved Ice Weather Ball, there are many Pokémon that have Powder Snow and stand to benefit.
Snowy Castform was probably a bit underrated already, but the buff to Powder Snow has the potential to take it to new, lofty heights. It's the only other 'mon that has Ice Weather Ball, and it makes very good use of it (and its above average bulk) to set up a killer Blizzard. SO good is this combination that Snowy can even beat things it really shouldn't, like Machamp and Skarmory, while also outlasting big bulky stuff like Umbreon, Munchlax, and Hypno... all assuming it gets the first shield with a bait. If not, hey, Snowy can still take down Flyers and Grasses and Charmers and Dragons and Mud Boys and things like Stunfisk and Haunter and Cresselia with just Weather Ball spam, and that's still pretty good. I haven't seen any yet myself, but expect them to start popping up as the season drags on. May want to consider investing yourself and getting ahead of the curve.
However, I still don't think this is enough to save Piloswine. Unlike Aboma, it just cannot seem to overcome its awful typing. (Ground and Ice just don't do each other many favors.) Even Mamoswine in the best possible circumstances ML Premier Cup just doesn't do enough for me to give any kind of endorsement to the Swines. Too bad. They really should be better with their good moves. If you've made them work for you, congrats, but it's really in spite of their typings that they find any success at all.
THROW A HEX ON THE WHOLE FAMILY
Yes, this 40-year-old white boy is throwing out a Puff Daddy (and The Notorious B.I.G. and Lil' Kim) lyrical reference... what of it? 😎 Powder Snow got buffed, but it's not the only fast move that did. Two moves recieved a straight buff to their energy generation, from 3.67 EPT to a simpler 4.0 EPT, and one of those, as you likely surmised by now, is long-forgotten Ghost move HEX. While still strictly inferior to well-known Ghost move Shadow Claw (which has the same energy generation but deals 50% more damage--3.0 rather than Hex's 2.0--per turn), this improvement at least makes Hex usable, now sporting the same stats as Fury Cutter and Spark. Not the greatest of moves, fair enough, but viable for anything that has Hex but cannot use Shadow Claw instead. And even this small tweak is a boon to several Pokémon, propelling them up the ranks. Probably the biggest beneficiary is Drifblim. A standout star early in the now-ending Silph Arena Season 2, back then Blim relied on big Shadow Balls baited out with a still-useful-then Ominous Wind. Its non-Ghost move, Icy Wind, was buffed in another move update in December, but still mostly ignored until Ominous Wind was itself nerfed in yet ANOTHER move rebalancing in April. (Yeah, Niantic has been pretty rebalance-happy the last few months. 😓) Anyway, all that to say that despite the goings-on with its charge moves, Drifblim never really broke out fully. Hex was (and still is) its only viable fast move, and frankly, that held it back, with it losing several close matchups, just not quite being able to get over the hump and dying before it could let loose with its own winning charge moves. No longer. With Hex now generating a bit more energy more quickly, Drifblim is rising again. As you would probably expect, it handles Psychics and Fighters and even other Ghosts (not named Haunter) quite capably, though that wasn't always the case... it used to lose to Jirachi and Alolan Marowak with the old Hex stats, but now beats both, and convincingly. It also adds Registeel (granted, the nerf Regi faces don't help, but still), Azumarill, and Ferrothorn to the win column. And again, all that with just a 0.33 boost in energy generation per turn. And Blim still handles Grasses and Swampert and even traditional Flying killer Melmetal as it did before, with each win obviously coming a bit easier (read as: with more remaining HP afterwards) than it did before. And it gets even better, as with very good PvP IVs, Drifblim can even emerge victorious over Skarmory, Galarian Stunfisk, Mantine, and Altaria. The difference in Ultra League (yes, viable there too!) is a bit more subtle, as the only new win it really picks up against the core meta is Charizard, but as in Great League, it has more HP remaining in its wins, including about 50 more against Ferrothorn and as much as 90 more HP remaining against Cresselia. So what's the verdict? Drifblim was arguably better than people gave it credit for already, but the buff to Hex can lead to some HUGE new wins (especially Azu, Regi, and potentially even Altaria) in Great League and more consistency overall. Give it another look... Blim may surprise you, and at least early in the GBL season, your opponent as well! Other Benefactors? Not everything that has Hex stands to benefit, as most still have better fast moves, but there are a few dark horses....
Castform has cropped up here and there, and for good reason, but I bet you've never seen a Normal-type Castform in battle. Well little known fact: while the other Castforms get an on-type fast move, Normal Casty has only the terrible Tackle and... Hex, of all things. Combined with Normal-type Weather Ball and either Energy Ball or Hurricane, Castform still doesn't wow with its volume of wins, but it at least gets some good ones in there, such as Cresselia, Swampert, Meganium, Stunfisk, Whiscash, Cherrim, Venusaur, Tropius, and of course Ghosts like Haunter and A-Wak and Froslass and Drifblim. It's a spice option, to be sure, but one that does enough to at least think about.
Dusclops is another that has long been buried behind other Pokémon of its type. It's sort of the Hitmonchan of Ghosts, with all manner of "Punch" charge moves, namely Fire, Ice, and Shadow. And yes, its best fast move is Hex. Combining the two elemental Punches for the best of both worlds, Dusclops has always been capable of beating stuff like the major Fighters, most all Grasses, and a smattering of Psychics (DDeoxys, AhChu, etc.) and Steels (Melmetal, Skarmory, etc.) and things like Altaria too. With the charge moves coming a little bit faster now, you can add Venusaur and Registeel to the win column as well. And yes, Shadow Clops is a viable alternative, giving up several Grass wins to instead gain the Stunfisks and Hypno. Either way, while Dusclops does not have blow-you-away numbers, there are some good wins in there that could give Dusclops a place on the right team.
AND UH... INFESTATION
Yeah, not even a catchy title for this one, because honestly, the ripples from the buff to INFESTATION are rather small. It got the same treatment as Hex (going from 3.67 EPT to 4.0 EPT, with the same 2.0 DPT), but there just aren't any particularly interesting Pokémon that actually want it, even in its improved state. The top ones that can even HAVE Infestation are Beedrill (wants Poison Jab), Tangrowth (definitely wants Vine Whip, which is strictly better), Cradily and Jumpluff (not since Bullet Seed was buffed!), and then you're into things like Muk and Drapion which I can't see ever choosing Infestation over their other fast moves. This is mostly just a boon to fringe options like Weezing and Garbodor and Swalot. At least that last one has SOME potential... wins over Fighters and Grasses and Darks and Charmers and tanky Psychics and even Azumarill all make you at least go "hmmmm". But truthfully, the buff to Infestation, while certainly welcome, isn't dragging new stuff to the top of the meta anytime soon.
LAND OF THE DEE (BUFF), HOME OF THE BRAVE (BIRDS)
And now probably the move that will cause the most ongoing debate, because while BRAVE BIRD got a huge damage buff (formerly 55 energy for 90 damage, and now 55 for a whopping 130), there is a steep penalty: a drop of three stages (nearly 50%) of the user's Defense stat. I talked about this some recently with the only other move to carry a -3 drop in the game so far: Victini's V-Create. If you can charge two and fire them in close succession, you can drastically mitigate at least the initial pain of so drastically crushing your Pokémon's bulk. But V-Create costs 40 energy... and Brave Bird costs 55, so that's going to be much harder to pull off. Fortunately, there are a couple birds with fast moves that get there quickly. Honchkrow has Snarl, one of the fastest charging fast moves in the game. And perhaps even better, Honch also has the mighty Sky Attack, which can be sprung a bit earlier to hopefully bait a shield and leave you 10 energy closer to a Brave Bird than double charging BB allows. Sky Attack also obviously has no drawbacks as far as debuffing goes, so you can rely on it more fully and save BB for big moments. There was no reason to ever use Brave Bird before, and so Honchkrow instead relied on Dark Pulse for its second move, which was okay-ish but left Honch as a very fringey option. Now, though, it has the potential to fly quite high with double Flying moves. You might expect Honch to lose a matchup or two by shedding its one and only Dark charge move, but amazingly that's not the case at all... it actually holds or improves upon every win it got with Dark Pulse (meaning has the same HP or more left over at the end), and tacks on wins versus Whiscash, Ferrothorn, Umbreon, Zweilous, Tropius, Toxicroak, and Altaria. That's mighty impressive, and I feel very confident calling Brave Bird--even just the threat of Brave Bird--a clear improvement for Honchkrow in Great League. And the improvement is even more striking in Ultra League, with Honchkrow again holding the (shaky) line established with Dark Pulse and just adding to it, with Poliwrath, Swampert, Typhlosion, Scizor, Escavalier, Feraligatr, Charizard, and Dragonite all now falling to Honch. So what's the verdict? Honchkrow just become meta before our eyes. It may take people a little while to catch on in Great League, but expect to see it start to emerge here and there and possibly be more common by the time Ultra rolls around. It's an expensive investment for Ultra, needing to be leveled into the upper 30s, but it's not a crazy idea to do so. Other Benefactors? Part of the reason Brave Bird works so well for Honch is that it has that second, threatening charge move (Sky Attack) that it can mostly rely on and reserve Brave Bird for the most opportune moment. Not all Pokémon have that option, so how does this affect them?
Skarmory has been very meta in Great League from the moment PvP arrived in the game, a rare centerpiece of GBL and Silph Arena teams alike. But if there's been one knock on it, it's been Skarmory's lack of a truly impactful second charge move to go with its own Sky Attack. To this point, if another move had any place, it was Flash Cannon to try and at least maim (though rarely actually flip) some of its harder counters like Bastiodon and Probopass. But especially with Flash Cannon now getting a slight nerf (which we'll look into more later), I think the second move you want now is Brave Bird. As compared to Flash Cannon, BB can pick up wins over Hypno, Lapras, Ferrothorn, Whiscash, Ferrothorn, Munchlax, and the mirror match versus FC Skarm. As with Honchkrow, BB works well here because Skarmory can do plenty of work with Sky Attack and save Brave Bird as a knockout move. Skarm was already good, but just got a little bit scarier.
I already wrote aboutGalarian Farfetch'd back when it was introduced to the game, and now it's back as a possible reward encounter in GO Battle League starting at Rank 7. Back then, I was already leaning towards Brave Bird for closing power, paired with Leaf Blade, giving it wins over Mud Boys, most Grasses, most big Fighters (Cham, Croak, etc.), Stunfisk, and Azumarill and Zweilous and even Probopass. But now, with BB being an even more beastly closer, all the changes are positive ones, with G-Fetch'd now able to take down Umbreon, Sableye, DDeoxys, Froslass, Tropius (with either fast move), Ferrothorn, and even Melmetal. And just like that, Galarian Farfetch'd has gone from fringe to potential meta option in Great League. Of course, some of those wins only come with Leaf Blade baiting a shield or two, but honestly, there's not much that wants to take a Blade to the face either. G-Fetch'd is one to keep an eye on now.
It's still kind of on the fringe, but Legacy Wing Attack Pidgeot with the souped up Brave Bird is a clear improvement on the Hurricane variant, with BB keeping (and often improving on) all the same wins, plus Altaria and the also-improved Drifblim. It's more on par with Noctowl now, though still trails Mr. Owl slightly and probably needs a more limited meta than wide open GBL (say, a Silph Cup) to really shine. But if you really like Pidgeot, then sure, you can use it and succeed with it on the right team, and that just got a bit easier.
The other Pokémon with Brave Bird either don't typically want it (Blaziken, Braviary) or just aren't good enough for BB to save them now. One possible exception is Ho-Oh in Master League. The only truly meta things it could beat before were Heatran, Metagross, Mamoswine, Snorlax, and (just barely) Groudon. Now that close win against Groudon turns into a much more sure bet, and new potential wins show up against Togekiss, Garchomp, and even Gyarados (WITH future CD move Aqua Tail). But MAN, does Ho-Oh still desperately need a better fast move. Free him from this purgatory, Niantic!
There is one more big bird that gets Brave Bird, but I want to break it down separately... right now!
BRAVIARY IN ACTION
I looked into Braviary shortly after Rufflet arrived in the game, but with pre-tweaked Brave Bird and slow charging Heat Wave as the only moves to go alongside the all-but-necessary Rock Slide, it just didn't do enough to deserve a full writeup. But now it gets CLOSE COMBAT, which makes it at least a little more intriguing should it ever arrive in small enough form to fit in Great League, gaining new wins over Galarian Stunfisk, Swampert, Munchlax, and potentially even Registeel. But in Ultra League, it makes a few more inroads, with Close Combat bringing home new wins over Empoleon, Obstagoon, and Alolan Muk. Or you can bring the reworked BRAVE BIRD into the mix and reach for Altered Giratina, Typhlosion, and fellow buffed Pokémon Drifblim, while still holding on to Obstagoon and Empoleon (though A-Muk may slip away). And while Braviary crosses the 3000 CP threshold and can do some work in Master League (and a bit more in ML Premier Cup), now preferring Rock Slide again, it has a rather niche role. So what's the verdict? Eh, I like the potential of Braviary in Great League and Master League more than the actual win/loss columns. A Flyer with moves that cover many of its toughest counters (Close Combat for Rocks and Ices) and counter fellow Flyers (Rock Slide, which doubles up on Ices and provides other good coverage) is going to matter at some point, just perhaps more in The Silph Arena than in GBL. But in Ultra League, there may be something to it, especially in the projected Ultra League Premier Cup. Consider prepping one now to get ahead of the curve. Put those GBL Rufflet candies to good use!
PECK TO THE SIDES, TO THE FRONT, TO THE BACK
🎼 Well, look at old Jim, he's pecking on his back! ♩ Peckin' to me is a lot of fun, ♫ Well, you peck one, and I'll peck one, well, we'll all peck one! ♪ You peck to the east, and then you peck to the west, 🎶 Then you peck, peck, peck 'til you've pecked your best. ♭ Well, then okay, well, a-hey, hey, ♬ We'll peck up, we'll peck up, we'll peck up the floor, Yeah! Apologies to Cab Calloway, but you knew I'd have to have ONE butchered song in here! Anyway, let's talk DRILL PECK. It's a very rare move, available on only two viable Pokémon in PvP: Zapdos, and as of the start of Season 3, Empoleon. Zapdos first. I already wrote about Thunder Shock Zapdos to kick off my early review of Elite TM targets, so rather than rehashing all that, would encourage you to go read that again. I'll wait. ... ... ...you back? Okay, good. Because with Drill Peck now dealing five more damage (65 now, 60 previously) for the same low 40 energy cost, Zapdos is even a little bit better now. Shadow Zapdos in Great League picks up a new win against Medicham (the little bit of extra damage from Drill Peck finishing Cham off before it can reach a second Ice Punch). I didn't see any significant new wins in Ultra or Master (though feel free to point them out if you know of any!), but it does give Zapdos a little more elbow room in some of its wins. I wouldn't say this tweak is now the reason to suddenly start using Zapdos (the fact that you could get Thunder Shock in any league was that reason), but if you already planned to, the improvements to Drill Peck make Zappy a hair better overall. The bigger story is perhaps Empoleon, you FINALLY gets a coverage move against the Fighters and Grasses that plague it. The best thing it had to combine with Hydro Cannon before was Flash Cannon, which just got nerfed a bit. Drill Peck gives it a new win over Aboma(powder)snow and brings Azumarill to well within the margin of error, though without Flash Cannon you DO lose out on Altaria. in Ultra League, Empie with Drill Peck maintains its current roles and adds wins against Dragonite and now Shadow Abomasnow, while in Master League, Empoleon basically stays where it was, since it usually only needs Hydro Cannon anyway. (Though the hard-to-sim coverage against Fighters is nice to have, so I'd still call this a gain.) Nothing awe-inspiring, but overall, this makes Empoleon a mostly better version of itself. So what's the verdict? This isn't a huge change, and that shows in the minutia in the win/loss changes. But it IS a straight upgrade for Zapdos, and gives Empoleon the best move it has had yet to pair with Hydro Cannon. While the loss to Altaria in GL is unfortunate, I think I still give it a thumbs up as the second move to roll with on Empoleon moving forward. Other Benefactors? Honestly, not really. Murkrow and Dodrio get Drill Peck, but they still don't really have any play. Zapdos and now Empoleon are the beginning and end of the Drill Peck book.
GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, GREAT BALLS OF...WATER?
So with stats (~125 Attack, 127 Defense, 113 HP) basically the same as Togekiss and overall comparable to things like Venusaur and Cherrim, it's not that Pelipper doesn't have what it takes to hang in there in Great League. The problem has always been the complete lack of any charge moves cheaper than Hurricane and its 65 energy requirement. Sure, Hydro Pump and Blizzard are awesome when they hit, and Wing Attack (3.5 Energy Per Turn) in particular generates energy fast enough to get there at some point, but Pump and Blizzard both cost 75 energy. What Pelipper has so desperately needed is a bait/spam move, and now it finally has it with Water WEATHER BALL. So while Pelipper has been quite pathetic to this point, with WWB, suddenly it doesn't look too shabby. With just Wing Attack and WWB alone (so no baits), it can eliminate Registeel, Mud Boys Swampert and Whiscash, Galarian Stunfisk, Shiftry, A-Wak, Haunter, and basically anything Fighting, a very good start. Bringing in Hurricane (still the best bet as the second move) you can add on things like Azumarill, Lapras, Tropius, and Cherrim, plus Mantine with good bulk IVs. Not the greatest Flying Water type ever--I'd still say, in Great League, that that title rests with Mantine itself)--but Pelipper is legit close to that... and Mantine doesn't usually get Registeel. You also have the option of Water Gun rather than Wing Attack, losing 0.5 EPT but gaining 0.5 DPT and a steadier dose of Water-type damage, which is worse overall BUT does gain things like Probopass and a better showing against A-Marowak and Registeel while giving up Grasses, Lapras, and Azumarill. Like I said, it's worse, but it IS an option and may be better in certain limited formats like future Silph Arena Cups. For now, just something to keep in mind... towards the back. So what's the verdict? Wing Attack/Water Weather Ball/Hurricane Pelipper has some legit play, with some very good wins under its belt, uh, beak, from Mud Boys to Fighters to Ghosts to G-Fisk to Registeel and even some of the biggest of big name Grasses. It's sort of a mini-Mantine, one that may even be better on certain teams and/or in certain more-restricted-than-GBL formats. Recommend looking for a good Wingull and making a Pelipper out of it when you're able.
...AND ALL THE REST
BLIZZARD got a slight buff to damage without costing any more, which is nice. Skull Bash, Gunk Shot, and Hydro Pump all deal 130 damage for 75 energy, and that's where Blizzard used to be too, but it now surpasses them by dealing 140 damage for the same cost. The problem is that, even after this, most things that have Blizzard don't actually want it. Lapras is STILL better off with Skull Bash for the neutral coverage, Articuno prefers Hurricane still for similar reasons, and even newly buffed Abomasnow and Pelipper have better alternatives. Kyogre and Milotic and Regice appreciate the buff in Master League, but it's really just a "kill more" finisher now that I don't see suddenly leading to new wins they wouldn't have gotten already. It's nice to have but you likely won't see a big difference in success rates with things that use Blizzard.
Poor Registeel. I mean, not that I really feel too bad, since I hate that big dumb doorknob with every fiber of my PvP player being, but it gets a double whammy with FLASH CANNON AND FOCUS BLAST both getting nerfed. Cannon still deals the same 110 damage, but now for 5 more energy, making those races to the next charge move a little harder now, and Blast still costs the same but deals 10 less damage, making it harder to turn the tables against Regi's biggest counters. I think it will come out fine in both Great League... it's still very powerful and still beats many of the things it always did, it's just a bit more mortal now. There are more troubling signs in Ultra League though, with new losses showing against Origin Giratina, Meganium, Snorlax, and Lickilicky and slight (though expected) dip in performance in many of its other wins. I DO think you'll still see plenty of it though, and should, as it's still very potent and downright oppressive in many matchups. Love Regi or hate it, if you're honest with yourself, you have to admit that kicking Regi back a small step should be good for the game in the end.
Similarly, the Flash Cannon nerf is a slight hit to things like Ferrothorn (and makes me reconsider my formerly wise decision to roll with it on my Bastiodon, primarily for the mirror) and the nerf to Focus Blast hurts things that like it as a closer, like Gengar and Mewtwo, but they're not really going to go anywhere. This irks them and their users, sure, but their places in their respective metas is still very secure. With Focus Blast in particular, keep in mind that the 75 energy for 140 damage it has been reduced to is still better than any other 75-cost move except (just promoted) Blizzard. Blast was pretty overpowered already, so like Registeel, this is just bringing it back to the rest of the pack a bit, and was probably overdue.
TL;DR
Yes, as it says in the title, this is a comprehensive (read as: LONG) analysis article, but I know some people just want to skip to the end and get a summary. So before you ask, this is for you:
Abomasnow is now a very real part of the Great and Ultra League metas, especially Powder Snow variants. Look for regular AND Shadow to start popping up, as both are quite viable. Snowy Castform is scary in Great League now as well.
Drifblim had a few close losses with old Hex that now flip to wins with new Hex, and it too is notably improved in Great and Ultra Leagues. Be on the lookout, and remember that in addition to powerful Shadow Ball, it also totes around Icy Wind. Shield accordingly.
The changes to Brave Bird seem to be mostly a net gain for Honchkrow and Skarmory, who both now want it as the second move they've been waiting for to run alongside Sky Attack. It works well for them because SA still does most of the heavy lifting, with BB being primarily a closeout move, thus mitigating the steep -3 Defense drop.
You should finally be able to put all those GBL reward Rufflets to good use, as Braviary looks viable in all three leagues. In Great League, it doesn't really want Brave Bird (preferring Rock Slide and the new Close Combat instead), but BB serves it well in the bigger leagues.
The slight buffs to Drill Peck and Infestation are nice to have, but don't change much for those that use them. Empoleon appreciates it for coverage, especially in Ultra League, but the needle doesn't move very far.
Registeel will be fine. Not quite as dominant now, which is a good thing really, but still very good despite nerfs to both of its primary charge moves. Reports of its demise have been greatly exaggerated.
And that's a wrap, folks! I did quite a bit of analysis on all this over the last two days, and while this is an informed opinion, it is still just that: my opinion. Hopefully it helps, but take that for what it's worth! Alright, I'll bow out now and let you get back to your day and your GBL matches. Thanks for sticking with me through this and other long articles I have written. I appreciate your time and attention, and sincerely hope this assists you in navigating these new GBL waters. For more PvP tidbits, you can find me on Twitter for near-daily PvP analysis nuggets, or Patreon and its tie-in exclusive Discord servesecret lair. And please, feel free to comment here with your own thoughts or questions and I'll try to get back to you! Stay safe out there, Pokéfriends. Thanks again for reading, and catch you next time!
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