Eurovision Odds: Sweden, Russia and Denmark the Early ...

The Eurovision Song Contest might be the strangest phenomenon that I love watching. Imagine American Idol, but each country sends one act to perform, ranging from really good to really bad to this song which almost won. To give you an idea of how weird Eurovision is, this song sent by Lithuania in 2006 was a complete joke song… yet, that didn’t even come close to the strangest song of the night, which might be my favorite Eurovision performance of all time and ended up winning the thing.
So what does all of this have to do with the NFL? For the past few years, whenever I’ve posted weird stats, I like to make a Eurovision connection. As it turns out, you can make a lot of accurate predictions on how the season will go just based on what happens in this competition. Last year, I did a thread like this in the offseason; however, because I made the thread before the competition, a lot of the things that I said could not be true. I had stats about Turkey finishing last in the competition, even though they weren’t even in the competition that year. This year, I’m doing it after the competition with things that have actually happened. Everything that I’m writing down took place at Eurovision in 2018, and everything has a sample size of at least 4 (which is good for Bengals’ fans; last year, I made a post with Israel winning Eurovision three times, and the Bengals finishing with the worst record in the AFC all three times). With that being said, how will the 2018 Eurovision Song Contest impact this year’s season?

• Albania has sent a song in the Albanian language four times to the competition. All four times, the Colts made the playoffs AND won in week 17, while the Browns finished last in the AFC North

Year	Albania Song	Language	Colts Placement	Colts Week 17	Browns Placement
2006	Zjarr e ftohte	Albanian	Won Super Bowl XLI	Defeated Miami 27-22	4-12, 4th in AFC North
2008	Zemren e lame peng	Albanian	Lost wild card round	Defeated Tennessee 23-0	4-12, 4th in AFC North
2012	Suus	Albanian	Lost wild card round	Defeated Houston 28-16	5-11, 4th in AFC North
2013	Identitet	Albanian	Lost divisional round	Defeated Jacksonville 30-10	4-12, 4th in AFC North

This year, Albania sent their best song in years, sending “Mall” to the competition by Eugent Bushpepa. In Albanian, the word “mall” means “yearning.” It was just the fifth time that Albania sent a song in their native language. Bodes well for the Colts, and like most things, not so well for the Browns.

• Belarus has sent a song with a one-word title five times to the competition. All five times, the Seahawks not only made the playoffs, but ended up winning a playoff game

Year	Belarus Song	Words in Title	Seahawks in the Playoffs
2006	Mum	1	Won wild card round against the Cowboys
2010	Butterflies	1	Won wild card round against the Saints
2013	Solayoh	1	Won Super Bowl XLVIII
2014	Cheesecake	1	Won 2 playoff games and made it to Super Bowl XLIX
2015	Time	1	Won wild card round against the Vikings

This year, though it didn’t qualify for the finals, Belarus sent the song “Forever,” which has one word in its title. After not making the playoffs last season, this is a really good sign for Seattle this year

• Belgium has sent an artist starting with the letter “S” four times. All four times, the Browns not only won their final home game of the season, and not only won their second-to-last game of the season, but actually made the playoffs.

Year	Belgium Artist	Browns Final Home Game	Browns Second-to-Last Game	Postseason Result
1972	Serge & Christine Ghisoland	Defeated Buffalo 27-10	Defeated Cincinnati 27-24	Lost wild card round
1982	Stella	Defeated Pittsburgh 10-9	Defeated Houston 20-14	Lost wild card round
1986	Sandra Kim	Defeated San Diego 47-17	Defeated Cincinnati 34-3	Lost AFC Championship
2002	Sergio & The Ladies	Defeated Atlanta 24-16	Defeated Baltimore 14-13	Lost wild card round

Keep this in mind with the Browns. Since 1972, in years where Belgium sends an artist starting with the letter “S”, they have made the playoffs 4 times in 4 years. In that same stretch, in years where Belgium does not send an artist starting with the letter “S”, they have made the playoffs 6 times in 39 years. This year, Belgium sent the artist named Sennek with the song “A Matter of Time,” which was a poor man’s James Bond theme. It didn’t qualify for the finals (so if the Browns don’t make the playoffs, we can easily change the stat to “years where Belgium sends an artist starting with the letter ‘S’ and makes it to the finals”), but this is promising for the Browns. Only problem is that you have the Albanian stat working against the Browns, so one of these will come to an end in 2018.

• Croatia has sent a song with no Croatian language in it six times. All six times, a team scored a game-winner within the final 10 seconds of the game in the divisional round.

Year	Croatia Song	Language	Divisional Round Drama
2001	Strings of My Heart	English	Patriots defeated the Raiders in OT on a game-winning field goal by Adam Vinatieri (final play of the game)
2002	Everything I Want	English	Titans defeated the Steelers in OT on a game-winning field goal by Joe Nedney (final play of the game)
2004	You Are The Only One	English	Steelers defeated the Jets in OT on a game-winning field goal by Jeff Reed (final play of the game)
2011	Celebrate	English	49ers defeated the Saints on a game-winning TD pass by Alex Smith to Vernon Davis (9 seconds left; second-to-last play of the game from scrimmage)
2016	Lighthouse	English	Packers defeated the Cowboys on a game-winning field goal by Mason Crosby (final play of the game)
2017	My Friend	English & Italian	Vikings defeated the Saints on a game-winning TD pass by Case Keenum to Stefon Diggs in the Minneapolis Miracle (final play of the game)

This year, Croatia sent the song “Crazy” by Franka, which was only in English, and featured no Croatian language. What does this mean? Expect some drama in one of the divisional round games this year; based on recent memory, expect the Saints to be on the wrong end of history.

• Cyprus has finished inside the top six at Eurovision five times. All five times, the New York Jets had a winning record, and had a record good enough to make the playoffs

Year	Cyprus Song	Cyprus Placement	Jets Record	Postseason Result
1981	Monika	6th	10-5-1	Lost wild card round
1982	Mono i agapi	5th	6-3 (strike-shortened season)	Lost AFC Championship
1997	Mana mou	5th	9-7	N/A*
2002	Gimme	6th	9-7	Lost divisional round
2004	Stronger Every Minute	5th	10-6	Lost divisional round

*- remember that I said that they had a record good enough to make the playoffs. That year, the Jets finished with a 9-7 record, which was the same record that the Miami Dolphins had. However, the Dolphins won the tiebreaker. Either way, the Jets are going to be good this year if that holds up, because Cyprus’ entry this year, “Fuego,” finished second in the competition (and arguably should’ve won). This was Cyprus’ highest finish ever at the competition.

• Czech Republic (still going under that during this competition and not Czechia) has sent an English-only song to the competition four times. All four times, the Cleveland Browns finished last in their division, and the Super Bowl was held between an AFC team that had won consecutive Super Bowls in the past and an NFC team that had never won the Super Bowl before. Sound confusing? Let’s tackle the Browns part first, since that’s essentially the free space in Bingo.

Year	Czech Republic Song	Language	Browns Result
2008	Have Some Fun	English	4-12, 4th in AFC North
2015	Hope Never Dies	English	3-13, 4th in AFC North
2016	I Stand	English	1-15, 4th in AFC North
2017	My Turn	English	0-16, 4th in AFC North

The song for Czech Republic this year was a combination of Ed Sheeran and Jason Derulo that actually worked really well. The song, “Lie to Me,” finished sixth, and had some really good staging, resulting in Czech Republic’s highest ever finish. Unfortunately for Cleveland, their song was in English only, so that’s not good. In fact, if the song has any English in it at all, the Browns finish last in the division; in 2009, the song “Aven Romale” featured both English and Romani elements, and the Browns went 5-11, finishing last in the AFC North.
As for the second component regarding the Super Bowl, the AFC team had, at some point before, had won back-to-back Super Bowls in franchise history. The NFC team, meanwhile, had never won the Super Bowl before that game.

Year	Czech Republic Song	Language	AFC Team	Back-to-Back Champions?	NFC Team	Super Bowl Wins Prior to Game
2008	Have Some Fun	English	Pittsburgh	Yes (IX and X, XIII and XIV)	Arizona	0
2015	Hope Never Dies	English	Denver	Yes (XXXII and XXXIII)	Carolina	0
2016	I Stand	English	New England	Yes (XXXVIII and XXXIX)	Atlanta	0
2017	My Turn	English	New England	Yes (XXXVIII and XXXIX)	Philadelphia	0

As mentioned before, “Lie to Me” was the song this year for Czech Republic. This narrows the Super Bowl down to four teams in the AFC (New England, Denver, Pittsburgh, Miami), and five teams in the NFC (Carolina, Atlanta, Minnesota, Arizona, Detroit). In fact, we can even expand this stat a bit further; if we include any Czech Republic song to feature English and include all championships in the equation (which adds 2009 with “Aven Romale”), then the criteria still fits. The Colts went back-to-back in 1958 and 1959 (pre-Super Bowl era), and faced off against the Saints, a team that had never won the Super Bowl prior to that game.

• Estonia has finished inside the top 10 of the competition with a solo artist four times. All four times, not only did the Denver Broncos and New York Giants finish with a winning record, but the Arizona Cardinals finished last in their division

Year	Estonia Artist	Estonia Song	Placement	Broncos Result	Giants Result	Cardinals Result
1997	Maarja-Liis Ilus	Keelatud maa	8th	12-4	10-5-1	4-12, 5th in NFC East (out of 5)
2000	Ines	Once in a Lifetime	4th	11-5	12-4	3-13, 5th in NFC East (out of 5)
2002	Sahlene	Runaway	3rd	9-7	10-6	5-11, 4th in NFC West (out of 4)
2012	Ott Lepland	Kuula	6th	13-3	9-7	5-11, 4th in NFC West (out of 4)

This year, Estonia sent an operatic solo artist by the name of Elina Nechayeva to the competition. Her performance of “La forza” finished 8th, which is good news for the Broncos and Giants, and bad news for the Cardinals

• Finland has sent an artist starting with the letter “S” four times. All four times, the Dallas Cowboys not won the NFC East, but made it to at least the divisional round of the playoffs

Year | Finland Artist | Dallas Cowboys- NFC East | Dallas Cowboys- Postseason Result --- | --- | --- 1978 | Seija Simola | 12-4, 1st in NFC East | Lost Super Bowl XIII 1985 | Sonja Lumme | 10-6, 1st in NFC East | Lost divisional round 2014 | Softengine | 12-4, 1st in NFC East | Lost divisional round 2016 | Sandhja | 13-3, 1st in NFC East | Lost divisional round
This year, Finland sent Saara Aalto with the song “Monsters,” which surprisingly qualified for the final (largely due to good staging; I can’t tell you a thing about the song itself because it’s quite forgettable). However, seeing as her name starts with the letter “S”, the Dallas Cowboys will win the NFC East and make it to the divisional round. As it turns out, you can predict the entire divisional round on the NFC side of the bracket purely by Eurovision results. You’ll see what I mean as we get further along in this post

• Finland has sent a song starting with the letter “M” four times. All four times, the Minnesota Vikings won their home game against the Detroit Lions by 3 points or less

Year	Finland Song	Vikings Home Game vs. Lions Result
1963	Muistojeni laulu	Vikings defeat Lions 34-31
1972	Muistathan	Vikings defeat Lions 16-14
2008	Missa miehet ratsastaa	Vikings defeat Lions 12-10
2013	Marry Me	Vikings defeat Lions 14-13

This year, as mentioned before, “Monsters” was the song sent by the Finnish. In week 9, pick the Vikings straight up, but if the spread is anything more than 3, take the Lions. You can do that now, no matter what part of the country you live in. It’s perfectly legal.

• France has sent an artist starting with the letter “M” four times. All four times, the Sporting News MVP was a running back.

Year	France Artist	Sporting News MVP
1956	Dany Dauberson	Frank Gifford
1973	Martine Clemenceau	OJ Simpson (AFC)
1977	Marie Myriam	Walter Payton (NFC)
1998	Marie Line	Terrell Davis

Note that for a period in the 1970s, the MVP was split up by conference into AFC and MVP, so two MVP awards were given out in a year (similar to how MLB does it). I didn’t use AP for this one, since the Associated Press MVP did not become a thing until 1957. However, since sent Madame Monsieur to the competition this year, this looks like a year where a halfback will go off and get MVP consideration, even getting named MVP from one publication.

• Since first joining Eurovision in 2007, Georgia has not participated in the finals four times. All four times, the Cleveland Browns… you guessed it… finished last in the AFC North

Year	Georgia Result	Cleveland Browns Placement
2009	Withdrew/Disqualified	5-11, 4th in AFC North
2012	14th in semifinal (failed to qualify)	5-11, 4th in AFC North
2014	15th in semifinal (failed to qualify)	7-9, 4th in AFC North
2017	11th in semifinal (failed to qualify)	0-16, 4th in AFC North

You might be wondering how a country got disqualified at a competition like Eurovision. No political messages are allowed; it hasn’t stopped artists from trying before, but basically, you can’t make it blatantly obvious. Georgia’s song submitted that year was called “We Don’t Wanna Put In”. Combine the final two words of that title into one word, and you can easily see why Eurovision didn’t allow the song to compete. This year, Georgia didn’t qualify, as their song “For You” by the Ethno-Jazz Band Iriao (easily the most boring song of the entire competition) didn’t even come close, finishing dead last in its semifinal. Not good news for the Browns.

• Germany has finished inside the top 10 of the competition with an English-only song four times. All four times, not only did the Buffalo Bills finish last in the AFC East, but the NFL team playing in Baltimore at the time made it to at least the divisional round

Year	Germany Song	Germany Language	Germany Placement	Bills Placement	Baltimore NFL Team	Baltimore NFL Placement
1977	Telegram	English	8th	3-11, 5th in AFC East (out of 5)	Baltimore Colts	Lost in divisional round
2010	Satellite	English	1st	4-12, 4th in AFC East (out of 4)	Baltimore Ravens	Lost in divisional round
2011	Taken by a Stranger	10th	6-10, 4th in AFC East (out of 4)	Baltimore Ravens	Lost AFC Championship
2012	Standing Still	8th	6-10, 4th in AFC East (out of 4)	Baltimore Ravens	Won Super Bowl XLVII

This year, Germany sent an English-only song, “You Let Me Walk Alone.” It was a great turnaround for the Germans, as Germany came in dead last in 2015 and 2016, and finished 25th in 2017. However, with this song by Michael Schulte, they had the highest placement of any Big Five nation, and finished in fourth. Bad news for the Bills, and really good news for the Ravens

• Hungary has finished outside the top 20 of the finals (excluding times where Hungary did not qualify for the finals) four times. All four times, the Atlanta Falcons made it to the playoffs

Year	Hungary Song	Hungary Placement	Atlanta Falcons Postseason Result
1995	Uj nev a regi haz falan	21st	Lost in wild card round
1998	A holnap mar nem lesz szomoru	23rd	Lost Super Bowl XXXIII
2011	What About My Dreams?	22nd	Lost in wild card round
2012	Sound of Our Hearts	24th	Lost NFC Championship

This year, Hungary finished in 21st place with “Viszlat nyar.” Picture a Puddles of Mudd or Ataris song, and now picture it in Hungarian. Because of this, though, the Atlanta Falcons should be able to make it back to the postseason.

• Israel has sent a song starting with the letter “T” four times. All four times, the Colts made the playoffs, the Browns finished last in the AFC North, and the Ravens made it to at least the divisional round

Year	Israel Song	Colts Placement	Browns Placement	Ravens Placement
2006	Together We Are One	Won Super Bowl XLI	4-12, 4th in AFC North	Lost in divisional round
2008	The Fire In Your Eyes	Lost in wild card round	4-12, 4th in AFC North	Lost AFC Championship
2009	There Must Be Another Way	Lost Super Bowl XLIV	5-11, 4th in AFC North	Lost in divisional round
2012	Time	Lost in wild card round	5-11, 4th in AFC North	Won Super Bowl XLVII

This year, Israel sent “Toy,” which ended up winning the whole thing. That’s good for the Colts, once again good for the Ravens, and really bad for the Browns. If you’re betting against the Ravens after back-to-back stats saying they’ll make it to the divisional round, then you’re stupid just like your smartphone (yes, that’s an actual line from the song).

• Israel has sent a song that finished inside the top three of the competition six times. All six times, the Cowboys made the playoffs

Year	Israel Song	Israel Placement	Cowboys in the Playoffs
1978	A-Ba-Ni-Bi	1st	Lost Super Bowl XIII
1979	Hallelujah	1st	Lost in divisional round
1982	Hora	2nd	Lost NFC Championship
1983	Hi	2nd	Lost in wild card round
1991	Kan	3rd	Lost in divisional round
1998	Diva	1st	Lost in wild card round

Additionally, Israel has finished inside the top 10 of the competition eight times with a song that has one word in the title. Aside from the aforementioned six songs, Israel finished 7th with “Halayla” in 1981, and finished 8th with “Amen” in 1995. The Cowboys made the playoffs in 1981 (lost NFC Championship) and in 1995 (won Super Bowl XXX), so anytime Israel does well with a one-word title, it’s a good sign. And “Toy” won the competition this year, so the Cowboys have a lot of positive history on their side. When this season is done, their fans could be dancing on the motha-bucka beat (yes, another actual line from the song; remember that this was the winner).

• Italy has sent a song starting with the letter “N” four times that was strictly in Italian. All four times, the Green Bay Packers ended up tying one game

Year	Italian Song	Italy Language	Green Bay Packers Record
1958	Nel blu, dipinto di blu	Italian	1-10-1
1964	Non ho l’eta	Italian	8-5-1
1967	Non andare piu lontano	Italian 9-4-1
1980	Non so che darei	Italian	5-10-1

This year, Italy sent the purely Italian song “Non mi avete fatto niente,” which means the Packers will tie a game this season if history holds up. Who will that tie come against? This next stat involving Italy might help.

• Italy has finished fifth at the Eurovision Song Contest four times. All four times, the Detroit Lions ended up tying one game

Year	Italian Song	Italian Placement	Detroit Lions Record
1961	Al di la	5th	8-5-1
1965	Se piangi, se ridi	5th	6-7-1
1971	L’amore e un attimo	5th	7-6-1
1984	I trendi di Tozeur	5th	4-11-1

This year, by sending “Non mi avete fatto niente,” Italy finished in fifth place. If both the Lions and Packers have to tie a game this year under this rule, then if you’re going to pick a tied game this year, it’ll be Packers/Lions.

• Malta has sent a solo artist starting with the letter “C” five times. All five times, a team that had never won the Super Bowl before was in the game. This goes along with the earlier stat featuring the Czech Republic

Year	Malta Artist	Featured Super Bowl Participant
1998	Chiara	Atlanta Falcons
2000	Claudette Pace	Baltimore Ravens
2005	Chiara	Seattle Seahawks
2009	Chiara	New Orleans Saints
2017	Claudia Faniello	Philadelphia Eagles

Neither of those five teams had won a Super Bowl prior to playing in that game. This year, Malta once again sent an artist starting with the letter “C,” sending Christabelle with the song “Taboo” to the competition. Though she didn’t qualify for the final, the stat holds up regardless of qualification results, which means that a potential first-time champion will be in the game.

• Portugal has sent an artist starting with the letter “C” five times. All five times, the Denver Broncos improved on their result from the season before, either in terms of regular season record or postseason result

Year	Portugal Artist	Broncos the Year Before	Broncos the Year After
1968	Carlos Mendes	3-11 (1967)	5-9 (1968)
1972	Carlos Mendes	4-9-1 (1971)	5-9 (1972)
1976	Carlos do Cormo	6-8 (1975)	9-5 (1976)
1981	Carlos Paiao	8-8 (1980)	10-6 (1981)
1997	Celia Lawson	Lost in divisional round (1996)	Won Super Bowl XXXII (1997)

This year, Portugal pulled a first-to-worst. Salvador Sobral won the competition in 2017 with the beautiful “Amar pelos dois,” which not only gave Portugal its first win ever, but meant that Portugal automatically qualified for the final and hosted the competition. Claudia Pascoal finished in dead last this year with “O jardim.” Her name starts with the letter “C,” which is good for Denver, as they should improve on their 5-11 performance from 2017. I don’t think that was in doubt anyways, but if you wanted another reason to believe in Denver to turn things around, here you go.

• Spain has sent an artist starting with the letter “A” four times. All four times, the San Francisco 49ers made it to the divisional round, and the Pittsburgh Steelers finished at least tied for the division lead

Year	Spain Artist	San Francisco 49ers Postseason Result	Pittsburgh Steelers Division Result
1990	Azucar Moreno	Lost NFC Championship	9-7, 3rd in AFC North*
1994	Alejandro Abad	Won Super Bowl XXIX	12-4, 1st in AFC North
1995	Anabel Conde	Lost in divisional round	11-5, 1st in AFC North
1996	Antonio Carbonell	Lost in divisional round	10-6, 1st in AFC North

*- I said that they finished tied for the division lead, which is true. That year, the Steelers missed the playoffs at 9-7, and although they finished third, the two teams ahead of them were both 9-7. Cincinnati won the division with a 9-7 record, and the Houston Oilers finished second at 9-7.
This year, Spain sent Amaid y Alfred, and they didn’t do too well, as “Tu cancion” finished 23rd in the final. That’s now four straight years that Spain has finished outside the top 20 (unfairly deserved in 2016 with “Say Yay!”, and completely deserved in 2017 with The Lazy Song “Do It for Your Lover”). That’s pretty good for both San Francisco (as if people needed another reason to hop on the Jimmy G hype train) and Pittsburgh.

• Sweden has sent an artist starting with the letter “B” four times. All four times, the AP MVP was a QB who led his team to the Super Bowl/NFL Championship

Year	Sweden Artist	AP MVP	Team	Postseason Result
1959	Brita Borg	Johnny Unitas & Charlie Conerly	Colts/Giants	Both teams competed in the 1959 NFL Championship
1978	Bjorn Skifs	Terry Bradshaw	Steelers	Won Super Bowl XIII
1981	Bjorn Skifs	Ken Anderson	Bengals	Lost Super Bowl XVI
1997	Blond	Brett Favre	Packers	Lost Super Bowl XXXII

This year, Sweden sent Benjamin Ingrosso to compete, as he finished in seventh place with “Dance You Off.” Sweden is like the Alabama of Eurovision; they’ve finished inside the top five in six of the past eight competitions, and have won the competition six times. The winner of the AP MVP will be a QB who goes to the Super Bowl, and the winner of the Sporting News MVP will be a halfback, if these stats hold up.

• Ukraine has sent an artist going by one name four times. All four times, the Atlanta Falcons made it to at least the divisional round

Year	Ukraine Artist	Atlanta Falcons Postseason Result
2004	Ruslana	Lost NFC Championship
2010	Alyosha	Lost in divisional round
2012	Gaitana	Lost NFC Championship
2016	Jamala	Lost Super Bowl LI

This year, Ukraine sent Melovin to the competition, who is an artist that goes by one game. The Hungary stat already showed that the Falcons would make it to the playoffs, but this is showing that the Falcons will go pretty far. And just like that, you can predict the entire NFC divisional round off of Eurovision

• And finally, the winning song of the competition has started with the letter “T” four times. All four times, the Arizona Cardinals finished fourth in their division, and the Kansas City Chiefs had 2 more wins than losses (which would come out to a 9-7 season in 2018)

Year	Winning Song	Cardinals Result	Chiefs Result
1960	Tom Pillibi	4th in NFL Eastern (6-5-1)	8 wins, 6 losses (8-6)
1973	Tu te reconnaitras	4th in NFC East (4-9-1)	7 wins, 5 losses (7-5-1)
1996	The Voice	4th in NFC East (7-9)	9 wins, 7 losses (9-7)
1999	Take Me to Your Heaven	4th in NFC East (6-10)	9 wins, 7 losses (9-7)

As mentioned a few times, “Toy” won the competition this year, so that means that the Cardinals will finish last in the NFC West and the Chiefs will finish with a 9-7 record
What Does This Mean?
It can be tough to keep track of all of that, so what do all of these stats mean when put together? Let’s go division by division.
AFC East: Jets will finish with a winning record, while the Bills will finish in last
AFC South: Colts will make the playoffs and beat the Titans in week 17
AFC North: Steelers will have at least a tie of the division lead, the Ravens will make it to at least the divisional round, and the Browns will either make the playoffs or finish last in their division (two stats contradict each other); however, the Browns will win their final home game (which comes in week 16) against the Cincinnati Bengals on 12/23
AFC West: Chiefs will go 9-7, Broncos will have a winning record and improve on last season’s total
NFC East: Giants will finish with a winning record, Cowboys will win the NFC East and make it to at least the divisional round
NFC South: Falcons will make it to at least the divisional round
NFC North: Both the Lions and the Packers will tie a game, and the Vikings will beat the Lions at home in week 9
NFC West: Cardinals will finish last, the Seahawks will win a playoff game, and the 49ers make it to at least the divisional round
General: There will be a dramatic finish in one of the divisional round games, the AP MVP will be a Super Bowl QB, the Sporting News MVP will be a running back, the AFC will be represented in the Super Bowl by either the Patriots, Broncos, Steelers, or Dolphins, and the NFC will be represented in the Super Bowl by the Falcons*
*- the four teams in the divisional round out of the NFC from these stats are the Cowboys (Finland stat), Falcons (Ukraine stat), Seahawks (Belarus stat), and 49ers (Spain stat). However, the Czech Republic stat states that the NFC team will be a team that has never won the Super Bowl. Of those four teams, only the Falcons have never won the Super Bowl. Therefore, the Atlanta Falcons will be in Super Bowl LIII in their home stadium according to these stats
Whether or not these weird stats will be right or not remains to be seen. However, I’ll leave you with this song that I have not mentioned yet from 2008, where Ireland sent a turkey onto the stage. That’s Eurovision for you.

When you think of stars, what do you think of? Some people think of Stars on 45, who made a Beatles medley yet included “Sugar, Sugar” by The Archies (not a Beatles song). Some people think of a City of Stars, even though that wasn’t the best song in the movie (“Start a Fire” for the win in that category). And some think in the sense of the universe or the galaxy and think of outer space.
When I asked that prompt to think of stars, how many of you thought of the Stars Football League? Because this was a league that actually existed… and judging by the name of this post, it went about as well as you’d expect.
On Lost Leagues, so far, we’ve looked at the United Football League, the Spring Football League, and the Fall Experimental Football League. All three of them turned out to be failures. And even though the Stars Football League turned out to be a failure, it might have the funniest ending of any league I’ll come across. The league was horribly run, everyone involved was out of their mind and delusional… but the ending to this league is absolutely hysterical.
So, with that being said, let’s look at another attempt at spring football that backfired. This is the story of the Stars Football League.
Part I: Developing the League
Oddly enough, for a league that was created in 2010, I can’t find any articles about the creation of this league. You’ll be able to tell very quickly that this league didn’t exactly have a whole lot of coverage or promotion; I mentioned in a completely unrelated thread that it really puts into perspective how incredible the XFL was. For practically every league I’ve done, you had to put in the effort to find out it existed. For the XFL? You couldn’t escape it. Say what you want about the league, but the promotion for that was off the charts.
As for the SFL, there really isn’t anything confirming the creation of the league. Not even the league’s website (which is still up) has any articles on it; this is the first article ever from their website. We know it was, at the very least, founded in October of 2010, because that was when one of the franchises got their logo approved.
The SFL was going to be the solution for spring football. It would have six or eight teams all over the country, ranging from Las Vegas to Michigan to Fort Lauderdale. It promised a team that would play at the Pontiac Silverdome. It promised new rules (which we’ll get to later). Instead (and stop me if you heard this one before), the league only started with four teams. This seems to be a common theme amongst spring leagues- they want to start with more teams but are only able to get four off of the ground straight away.
The man responsible for this league was Peter Huthwaite, the co-owner of Giant Janitorial Service Incorporated. Unlike some other commissioners, he had experience in professional football; I was able to find this 1978 article from the Washington Post which mentioned his name as an agent. He’s definitely been around the block representing players, so unlike other leagues, this man actually has some qualifications to try something like this.
The rules of the league were a bit different. They had the three point conversion, where a team could take the 2-point conversion from 10 yards out for 3 points. Any field goal taken from 50 yards or more that was successful counted as 4 points (which seems to reward bad offense; I’ve seen this rule a few times before and I’m not a huge fan of it). Aside from that and the play clock being 30 seconds, everything else was the same.
This league had high ambitions. The 2011 season would just be the beginning. In fact, the SFL was so confident that they already announced expansion to Los Angeles in 2012. Not only did they announce a Las Vegas team, but they even went through with the logo. There were 6 teams in the South (Little Rock, New Orleans, Mobile, Charleston, Daytona Beach, and Fort Lauderdale), with the league being headquartered in Michigan (makes perfect sense), and a team being in Michigan and Las Vegas.
But the writing was on the wall from the very beginning, because just one month before the start of the season, the league was still in the planning phase. In a May article, the league would start “on or around June 18”. “On or around” isn’t exactly the most comforting phrase. Imagine if the NFL announced that they would play games every day of the week instead of Sundays, and in August, announced that week 1 would take place “on or around” September 6. Kind of screws up travel plans and all that.
The other problem with the league? It was incredibly delusional. This is a 2010 article about the creation of the league. This part in particular stood out to me:

The league’s financial model is “based on averaging 10,000 fans over 30 games buying $20 tickets, which would raise $6 million.”

First off, if this is a minor league with no television contract (they didn’t have instant replay because they had no TV deal), very little promotion (I bet none of you have ever even heard of this league before this post), and poor quality of football (if players are receiving $100 per game but are having to pay their own travel expenses, then you’re not gonna get good players), how are you averaging 10,000 fans per game? The UFL couldn’t even do that in its first season, and even though there was poor planning involved, they had a television contract and promotion. Playing 30 games is a bit ambitious for a league like this, but I can see it; if there are 8 teams in the league, everyone plays each other once, and then 4 teams make the playoffs, that leaves you with 31 games.
But who is buying $20 tickets for minor league football? If my two options over the spring/summer are to go to a minor league baseball game in a nice stadium for $10, or go to a minor league football game in a high school stadium for $20, I’m choosing the baseball game every day of the week. About 20 minutes from my house, a minor league baseball team plays where it’s $8 for a regular ticket and $12 for a club ticket behind home plate. A $20 ticket in the SFL could get you 5-yard line seats on uncomfortable bleachers.
Already, the league was in massive trouble with a flawed business plan and only 4 teams in the league when they were expecting 6-8. So how did their first season go?
Part II: The 2011 Season
After promising 6-8 teams and unveiling logos for teams in Las Vegas and Charleston, neither Las Vegas nor Charleston was in the league. In fact, a month before, the league didn’t even know whether they were gonna have a team in Las Vegas or Los Angeles. They eventually settled on neither. While they announced a program allowing them to scout 5,500 players, they still didn’t know who would be in the league, other than the Daytona Beach Racers and the Fort Lauderdale Barracudas.
In the end, they would wind up with 4 teams. The Racers and Barracudas would be in the league, while the Michigan Coyotes would become a traveling team (again, probably not the best idea to have your league headquartered in Michigan while everything else is being held in the South), and the New Orleans Jazz (the football team, not the former NBA team that moved to Utah) would join the league midway through the season. Why you would name a team as the New Orleans Jazz, I’m not entirely sure, but then again, I’m not sure that this league had any idea what it was doing.
Oddly enough, I couldn’t find anything about the inaugural game on the league’s website. The league’s website is comically bad, and I’ll be referencing this a few times, because it’s in the “so bad it’s hysterical” category. You can buy a New Orleans Jazz jersey for $165, which is about twice what an NFL jersey goes for, and you can buy a Daytona Beach Racers polo, even though the description says something about Pebble Beach. Even when I filtered the search to the week of the game, I found absolutely nothing about the inaugural game. All I could find was that the Racers beat the Barracudas 26-13, but in terms of game details, nothing.
The first game was on June 30. The next game wouldn’t take place until July 16, once again between the Racers and Barracudas. This time, Fort Lauderdale won 22-4. Michigan still had not played a game, and New Orleans was still in limbo, as they didn’t even have a GM yet. Finally, on July 22, the New Orleans Jazz would play their first game against the Fort Lauderdale Barracudas, and the Jazz won 15-9. How good was the game? It would live for all of eternity.
I’m not kidding. The postgame article on the league’s website says this. Just read this. It’s absolutely hysterical. Whoever the PR man for this league is either doesn’t know how to do their job, or is the greatest hype man ever, and I’m not sure which one it is. Any article that starts with “No where in the history of football did anyone ever witness a game that would live for all of eternity” is worth a read.
However, the story on this game gets even weirder. Here’s a legitimately fantastic article written on the first game by a journalist named Nick Peruffo. Some of the notes I took away from the article: the SFL season was supposed to end on September 11? That’s a terrible idea. It’s a bad idea to end your football season on the day where week 1 of the NFL season would be happening. Good luck getting the crowds you wanted to get by going up directly against the NFL.
The fact that the GM for the New Orleans Jazz was a position on Craigslist and uses incredibly vague terms is pretty funny. If you haven’t noticed, the league doesn’t really go into detail on things, and uses really broad terms. Imagine if Vincent from Bojack Horseman (the 3 kids stacked on top of each other in a trench coat) gave the quotes for the league (no spoilers- I just started and binge watched season one in a day). When the Jazz hired their coach, the only quote was about having experience in football coaching. Not just coaching, but football coaching. It never lists what he’s actually done.
A game between the Jazz and Coyotes was supposed to be played the week before, but never was. It got cancelled. Tickets, as mentioned before, were $20. That’s a lot for a game where apparently, there were no rosters. The attendance was maybe 200 people, and even that might be a bit generous; here’s highlight footage of the game. As you can tell from the 2 plays, the quality of football is really, really bad. Why you would lateral the ball up 9-0 is beyond me. As you can also tell, nobody was at the game. I couldn’t find one fan in the stands.
The funniest part? The PA announcer was literally commentating the plays. The PA announcer’s name? Albert Einstein Peter Huthwaite, as in, the commissioner of the league. The commissioner was the PA announcer. Imagine if Roger Goodell was the PA announcer the next time you went to a football game. In an interview with the commissioner, he envisioned a league with 30 teams (he could barely get 4 teams off the ground), and adjusted the business plan model to get anywhere from 15,000-20,000 fans per game. Good luck with that.
The other thing I should mention is that Jaguars GM Gene Smith was a terrible general manager. I bring this up because, to my knowledge, he is the only GM that actually looked at this football league.
After a few more games, the league abruptly called the first season short. After an apparently “exciting 21-6 game” according to their PR guy, in a game that drew over 1,900 fans (which seems really high to believe, since in this highlight video of a different game, there was nobody in attendance), the league wasted no time planning out season 2, saying they would start on Saturday, 2011 (taken straight from the website; what Saturday, 2011 means to you is up for interpretation). The goals were to get a TV contract, add 10 teams (again, they could barely get 4 off the ground this year), and possibly look at Europe and China for talent.
Remember that their business model was “based on averaging 10,000 fans over 30 games buying $20 tickets, which would raise $6 million.” I doubt they even averaged 1,000 fans per game over 6 games. This league was on thin ice. Would season two fare any differently?
Part III: The 2012 Season
How do you grow a league that’s struggling and needs money? That’s easy- play a game in the Bahamas. I kid you not, that’s what the league wanted to do. They even announced it. Obviously, this never happened. And remember those plans for expansion? As you can probably guess, they didn’t expand. In fact, they lost two teams. The Michigan Coyotes folded, and the New Orleans Jazz looked to play elsewhere (they didn’t fold, but I don’t think they existed afterwards). While they did add a team, there was no announcement on the team; the Fort Myers Swampdogs announced a coaching staff out of the blue.
The plan for 2012, as described by an out-of-breath commissioner, was to play from March to July. They started the 2012 season in June with just 3 teams, all based in Florida. The Barracudas and Racers returned, but a 3-team league is tough to run. Even worse was that the Daytona Beach team was now a traveling team to an extent; they had just one home game, and it was played at Fort Pierce. In the end, the season consisted of just five games, and it was poorly run.
After the opening game between the Barracudas and the Racers, the league announced on June 12 that their next game would be on June 16. For some reason, even though every game was in Florida, the league thought it would still be a good idea to be headquartered in Michigan; the dateline on the articles was from Grosse Pointe, Michigan. The way the article is written is just hysterical; the fact that the commissioner announcer the results of the game makes it seem like a boxing match, and the fact that the Swamp Dogs “won the game 14 to 0 with two amazing touchdowns late in the fourth quarter!” is just funny to me. The first game in Fort Myers had a large and enthusiastic crowd without revealing any numbers, the next game was won by the Racers by a final score of SIX to ZERO, and the final game of the regular season was won by the Swamp Dogs.
After 5 games, we had reached the championship. They had finished a season. It would be Daytona Beach at Fort Lauderdale for the title game. Daytona Beach ended up as the champions, and the crowd was enthusiastic, but at the end of the day, that’s pretty insignificant. Let’s just jump to the offseason, where the league was still trying to find its footing.
Part IV: The 2013 Season
Yes, the league would play a third season. They wanted teams in Akron, Charleston, Cleveland, and Canton. They even wanted teams in a bunch of other cities. Oddly enough, the New Orleans Jazz were still looking for a coach, even though they’re no longer in the league. Big surprise- the Jazz wouldn’t be in the league in 2013. They announced their opening game would take place on April 6, even though when all was said and done, the league wouldn’t kick off until June.
They tried getting TV rights. It fell through. They tried getting more TV rights. It fell through. They tried permamently putting a team in the Bahamas. It fell through. They tried starting the season in April. It fell through, and only started in June instead. The 2013 season would have just 4 teams, as they added the Miami Ironmen. The Fort Myers Swampdogs were now the Pompano Swampdogs, even though they played no games in Pompano. Every team made the playoffs. I don’t even know what this article even means. The league was a mess at this point, so much so that a franchise that didn’t even exist was up for sale. They even moved the schedule to bring in expansion teams in Charlotte, Jacksonville, and Texas, even though that never happened.
Remember the Charleston Admirals, the team that had their logo announced before the start of the 2011 season but never played? They moved to Palm Beach and never played a down. They planned to add another Florida team but that never happened. There would be 100 teams in this league if the commissioner actually did something besides just talking.
In the end, every single game would take place at Central Broward Regional Park. Every game would take place at the same stadium. Didn’t really matter where the teams were stationed if every game would be at the same spot in a doubleheader format. They did get some sort of broadcasting deal with ESPN West Palm, so there actually was some progress. The league also introduced a new rule, called the 4-point conversion. If you converted from the 20-yard line, you got 4 points.
But tell me if this makes any sense. Taken directly from the website:

In the case of a tie teams will play a 5 minute sudden death overtime, if the score remains tied after the 5 minutes, each team will be awarded 5 points.

Aside from the run-on sentence and lack of punctuation, what purpose does this serve? First off, five minutes for overtime seems really short. Don’t give the NFL any ideas. Secondly, what purpose does awarding each team five points serve if the teams are already tied? If you give each team 5 points, guess what? THEY’RE STILL TIED. IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.
Anyway, the league played in 2013, with every game played at the same venue. Here are some highlights. And here is some video of the championship. As you can tell from the opening kickoff, the quality of play is really, really bad. You can also notice a lack of attendance. In the end, the expansion Miami Ironmen finished undefeated and beat the Swampdogs 21-6 to win the third season of the SFL and the second ever Presidents Cup (they didn’t play a first season championship game).
Part V: The Final Hurrah & Conclusion
After 2013, the league was still planning on surviving in 2014. How, I’m not sure, but they held a meeting and determined some expansion sites. They’re very good at determining expansion sites, but not so much at expanding. It’s like the reservation scene in Seinfeld. A league that could only find footing in Florida was now going to have 12 teams and even play in Mexico. They even had franchises set up in California and New Mexico for 2015.
But the league never made it. The 2014 season never happened. Neither did the 2015 season. They never played, but oddly enough, they never folded. The reason? This is the greatest ending in the history of any football league ever. Taken straight from the website from August in 2016, typos and all:

The SFL Board of Directors announced today that investors can not only make a wise investment and purchase their own Team, in addition, they cannow purchase the entire Stars Football League! Call now at (313)657-4711 to make your purchase today!

So if anyone here has some money and wants to purchase the entire Stars Football League, you can do that. Want to purchase a league that has team information for teams that never even played a single down in the league? You can do that. Want a ground floor investment opportunity that sounds straight out of a pyramid scheme? You can do that. Want a league where you can buy your 2012 tickets today? You can do that.
If you want to buy a football league, this is your opportunity. The SFL is not dead yet. It’s just waiting for an investor like you to buy it.
In terms of the legacy of the league, the SFL had extremely unrealistic expectations from the start. Expecting fans to spend $20 on tickets and get 20,000 fans per game with no promotion whatsoever is stupid. Announcing and then dropping expansion teams left and right and seemingly every other week is a bad idea. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out where this league went wrong.
But if you want to be the one that fixes that, then go for it and buy the league.

Lost Leagues (Sundays)	Record Watch- Offense (Mondays)	Draft Scratchers (Tuesdays)	Record Watch- Defense (Wednesdays)	One Hit Wonders (Thursdays)	Weird Stat Threads (Fridays)
Part I: United Football League	Part I: Passing Yards	Part I: Roger Vick (NY Jets, 1987)	Part II: Sacks	Part I: Derek Loville (San Francisco, 1995)	Part I: NFL vs. Eurovision
Part II: Spring Football League	Part III: Receptions	Part II: Tyson Alualu (Jacksonville, 2010)	N/A	Part II: Patrick Jeffers (Carolina, 1999)	Part II: NFL vs. Preakness
Part III: Fall Experimental Football League	N/A	Part III: Rick Mirer Trade (Chicago, 1997)	Part IV: Interceptions	Part III: Mike Furrey (Detroit, 2006)	Part III: NFL vs. Stanley Cup
Part IV: Stars Football League